Mondays report

Master and i are finally both back in town. My week with my granddaughter was lots of fun. She is bright, funny, caring, and entertaining...no i am not a biased grandma! But i am happy to be back, to be "me" again.

I weighed in this morning....plus 1 and 1/2 pounds. I was not surprised, but i hated to report to Master. For a second i thought...He would never know if.....but that was really not an option. So i gave Him my report, and He replied..we won't let this ruin your homecoming. I smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.

This afternoon we started off with hugs and some catching up talk. Master then went to get some "toys" and told me to kneel. So i did. He walked back in , looked at me, and said, "You are not naked?" I looked up and said i did not hear that...i really had not. I quickly got up, got naked and knelt back down. Master was re-claiming all of me, rubbing and massaging all of me, and i was slowly breathing Him in, relaxing, finding "me", and feeling like i had come back home. Then He starts in on my nipples. Stretching, pulling, tugging, smushing....pinching, and not letting go, reminding me to keep my hands behind me. I am starting to squirm, and He is pinching harder, finally he says, count to 5 loudly. I count loudly and very quickly. He looks and says too fast..and does not let go.... so i start again, just as loud, but much more slowly. He finally lets go of the nipples, and has me get up.

I go over His knee, for a wonderful long hand spanking. I am really back, it has been too long. Master's hand is all over my bottom, the spanks are quick and hard. His hand travels to my thighs, those spanks are not as hard, but are a reminder that He will spank me there, and i will feel it more.

His fingers then start to roam, to see if i am "enjoying" my spanking...and yes, of course i am. It takes less than 2 mimutes for Him to get me groaning and squirming, He is reminding me i need permission, and i still have the rest of my spanking to go before i get a permission.

He withdraws his fingers, and reaches for the bath brush. I tense a little, and He uses the bristle side all over. I instantly relax again. He says that this is not a Punishment, but a reminder that He is not pleased with the fact that i gained. He is fairly lightly spanking me, and He asks how far i am from my goal. I tell Him 2 and 1/2 pounds. He starts another round with the brush, this one harder and longer. When He is done He asks if i was expecting a basement trip, i honestly say no. I was expecting some type of punishment, but not all punishment. He says that round was for 1 pound, now for the second pound. I say i had only gained 1 1/2, He says but i am 2 1/2 away from my goal. This round is equally hard and long. Then a little more rubbing with the bristle side, til He starts in again for payment for the last 1/2 pound. This round is much harder, and i am ouching loudly by the end. Finally...it is the end.

Master's fingers are quickly picking up where they left off. I am still amazed at how quickly he can get me from 0 to full speed and asking for permissions. After my second permission, He reminds me that i am not using my manners and should be saying please and thank you...i can hardly breathe, but i manage to be polite. After my third permission, Master says to save one for tonight. I lay over His lap for a while, he is gently rubbing my bottom and i am coming back to earth, and so relaxed.

We end with more kneeling time, this time with my head on Master's lap, while we chat. He reminds me to start up my daily reports, and that i need to ask for permission before making plans to go away and be specific about how long and where i will be, and that 2 weeks is too long. It is too long, and hopefully those long trips will be at a minimum this year.
Master then says that He wants to schedul maintenance for Wednesday, since He wants to save Friday. (Friday is my birthday!)

I am back where i belong, i am breathing freely, my "voices" have been banished, my Master has worked His magic...Thank You Master!

abby

a "grandma" report

There was no Monday report this week, since there was no weigh in.
I am in NJ babysitting...um..playing with my almost 3 year old granddaughter.

On Sunday we went in to NYC, had lunch at a family style Italian restaurant...it was fabulous! We saw "Billy elliot"...fabulous again. It was a delightful adult day!

My granddaughter and i have been spending our days completing craft projects, playing games, being silly and baking. She loves the cooking part, has me read the recipes, and calls herself my assissitant chef. Today we made snaky hot dogs for lunch,,,a real hit. Then for an afternoon snack frozen chocolate sprinkled bananas...she was in charge of the sprinkles...only took me about an hour to clean her and the kitchen! But she could not wait to tell mom and dad about her day with grandma!

Hope you are having 1/2 as much fun as i am this week...
abby

TGIF

It's been a draggy kind of week. When Master is away the days seem longer. I always start by telling myself i won't miss Him as much this time...and it seems i miss Him more.

On the bright said, giving the whoopie pies a new home was a great idea. I weighed in this morning and loss the pound and a half i had gained on Monday! So i am back to 1 pound away from my goal!

Problem is, i am leaveing early tomorrow morning (yes before Master returns), for NJ to spend some time with my almost 3...going on at least 12...year old grand daughter. She is one of those innately funny little ones, who constantly surprises you. She cannot wait to see what "grandma" has planned for our cooking time each day! (alphabet bread sticks, silly snake dogs, bunny pancakes, crackerpillars are a few of the goodies!)

On Sunday my daughter and son in law are taking me to NYC for lunch and a show...an early birthday gift! I love musicals, so i am really looking forward to it.

Be good all....well not necessarily good....lol
hugs, abby

Rules and Expectations

There are lots of reasons i am glad i discovered blogs. One of them is how interesting it is to read how others structure their relationships. I know that each of us has to find our own way, and we have our unique way of exercising this power exchange. I often find myself thinking, wow, i could never ...or hmmm..maybe i should try hinting to Master. Since Master is away and i am a little bored, i thought i would share with all of you my rules and expectations, and how they came to be. I have been thinking about this all day, a little worried that i might forget one..or two...and Master would find a way to remind me...but here goes.

I have rules and expectations. Once in a while Master will say...don't make Me make that a rule. Early on, i would think what's the difference. The difference is a rule is more like enforced submission, an expectation is freely given. Broken rules mean punishment, unmet expectations bring about disappointment...for both of us.

My rules have developed over time. I am going to try to give them in chronological order.

1. Master gets an emailed report every night. This was a rule even before we started with D/s. He was helping me to exercise and lose weight for my daughter's wedding. My report was really simply a food journal that i mailed to Him, nightly. I still send Him that food journal, but i now add any news or parts of my day we have no discussed, how much time on the wii, if i have taken my meds, and what task i have done for Him. Not sending one occasionally is not a big deal, missing 2 in a row is a big deal. I also have to report my weigh-in. We started with once a week, it is now twice, Mondays and Fridays. I keep asking to go back to once, but looks like that will not happen.

2. When we moved to M/s the first rule was: no cumming without persmission. If i was on my own, or with Him. I have not been punished for breaking this rule in quite a while. I learned quickly that this was an important one for Him, always Punishable. I also quickly learned that saying "no thanks" when He text me to cum, was positively not a good idea!

3. "Queen of Sarcasm" was a nicknamed i earned in many circles. It was a good survival tool in my junior high classroom. Respect and NO sarcasm allowed was also one of my first rules. I will admit it took me a while to learn that saying some things just in your head is a great strategy. I still occasionally struggle with attitude, i don't view that as a matter of disrespect, Master disagrees.

4. I am to keep myself "clean shaven". Master shaved me the first time, i was so embarrassed, but it was also so sexy! I wish He would do it again. The only time that i run into a problem with this one is when i am away for over a week. I tend to let it go, recently Master has surprised me be starting to ask for pictures.

5. A rule that Master started about a year and a half ago is that i have to ask for permission before i drive any place. If i want to walk, i can go, otherwise, i ask. This rule started when i got into trouble for deciding that since i did not think that Master was interested, i did not need to continue with certain rules. He was not pleased, go figure! So this rule resulted, He explained we would be in touch more during the day, and i would be reminded that i am not in charge. It sounds more restrictive than it is, actually. I just about never get a no, and He is very good at quickly replying to my texts. Yes i have to ask even if i am away, or if i have company here.

An expectation was added to this rule, when Master thought i was taking advantage of a possible loop hole. I would ask for permission for as many places as i wanted to go to, and if i did not get to all of them, i figured i had permission for the next day...or whenever. Master noticed, so i now also text Him if i do not get to all the places i asked permission for. Also, no blanket....can i go run errands...i need to be specific. This rule/expectation really does remind me very day that i am not in charge.

6. An expectation is that i text Him a good night message every night. This started when i was struggling with something and Master would text me before bed, to sleep well or to "tuck me in". I liked ending my day that way, so it is now an expectation that i text Him before bed.

7. Master expects me to set up a time for maintenace spankings that occur once a week. Maintenance spankings started almost a year ago, when i emailed Master about feelings of "neediness" and my "voices". His answer was maintenance. To be honest, i was not sure how long it would last, but i should learn to not doubt. Every week that we are both in town, there is maintenance, even if there has been a punishment or reward or just some fun times. I am to set it up, as a way of getting better at asking for what i need. I am not sure that is happening, but setting up maintenance is getting easier for me.

I think i have covered everything....hmmm i hope so!

abby

Whoopie Pies!!!

Master is away this week, and although i miss Him already, I had a not so good weigh in this morning, so i have this week to make it up.

It is not really my fault. I am blaming it on the whoopie pies! For those of you not from New England or more specifically, Maine, whoopie pies, are related to devil dogs. They have nothing to do with making whoopie, althought they are almost as good! They are traditionally a soft, moist chocolate cookie cake top and bottom filled with a rich sweet vanilla buttercream frosting. (See why it is all their fault!)

My wonderful son and daughter in law in Boston sent me a package from Wicked Whooppie Pies for Valentine's day. Now i have never tasted a bakery or store bought whoopie pie that comes close to the home made ones. The home made ones are the kind of recipe that takes all afternoon, and dirties everyting in the kitchen...but soo worth it.

Anyway, i tasted one of the these Wicked ones...and OH MY...heavenly!!!
And, they had the traditional ones, some with a chocolate chip cookie, a double chocolate one, and a maple one....all to die for. The were also huge...like at least twice the size of the ones i would make. Seeing their size i decided i would only eat 1/2....at a time. And of course i had to taste each of the varieties...they were a gift! Did i mention that when i finally decided to check on the calorie count...800 per pie...that would be 400 for each half i enjoyed.

So this morning i packed up the rest of those tasty treats and sent them with my daughter to share with the family she nannies for...and to keep them there!

May you someday get to taste a "wicked whoopie pie"....amd may i be satisfied with just the memory for a long time to come!
abby

i hate thinking up titles.....

Sorry, but i have been sitting here trying to think of some different way to say Maintenance day...and i give up.

When i spoke to Master this morning, i metioned that we still had to have a maintenance day this week. I am supposed to check schedules and make sure that maintenance happens....otherwise, maintenance becomes the dreaded P word. I was expecting Him to say Friday afternoon, which was great with me, since i am still sore from My Punishment spanking on Tuesday. Of course, what He said was, this afternoon.

After our greetings and chat, i casually said that You will have to take it easy,l i am still sore from Tuesday, He chuckled, and said, i guess you should not earn a punishment spanking then. As i looked, there it was, the bath brush. He did start off with His hand, which i was able to relax into and let go. When He switched to that %^%$# bath brush, it took only a very few strokes, before my bottom was on fire. It was not the hardest maintenance spanking i have ever had, but it did not need to be. He gave me 2 quick sets, of maybe 30 or 40 each...i always try to count and never manage to be able to.

Then it was play time...the heat on my bottom, being replaced with heat some place much more enjoyable! i even got a permission to take home with me. We also talked about the next 2 weeks, Master is gone for week one and i will be gone by the time He returns for the next week. He always reminds me...not matter where He is or i am....He is still my Master I am still His....His submissive...Only His...Totally His....sometimes 2 weeks seems like a very long time.

abby

scratch one New Year's resolution

My new year's resolution to submit more gracefully came to an end today. I am sitting with a very sore bottom, and shaking my head at my actions this afternoon. Attitude..i had it, stubborness...yes that too....submission...sadly, not so much.

When i text Master this morning about my plans for this afternoon, He told me He would let me know if i had permission, depending on what time He would be available. He knew i wanted to be some place at 3, by 2:30 i had not heard from Him, so i called and said i would be late and might not make it at all. He text me at 2:45 what i was doing? I replied waiting, but i was not happy...What did He think i was doing? Was He testing me? My already not so great mood, took a definate turn for the worse.

I walked in asking, not so nicely, if this afternoon was a test? Did He expect to find me gone? Would that have been OK? His raised eye brow and quick reply should have warned me. But sometimes , a girl is too far gone to heed a warning. He asked me what happened over the weekend that i gained 2 pounds. After a hesitation, i simply said i don't know.
He held the basement door open and pointed. I hesitated, til i heard a loud NOW.

Master is an expert scolder. He is loud, He has a lot to say, and He makes His point very clear. I was told to lean over and grab the seat of a wooden chair, and NOT to let my hands leave that seat or He would start over. He pulled me pants/panties down. The first swat took my breath away. He does not stop scolding, just because He is spanking. The spanking was slow, but extremely hard...He was using a large peice of wood. I move my feet, He reminds me to keep my hand on the seat...my loud reply was they are there! He stopped to remind me that gaining 2 pounds over a weekend meant i did not even try, i put all my eating rules on a shelf. He does not believe in going backwards, and will not let me go backwards. Finally He said 3 more, pulled down my pants more and said if i moved my hands or feet, they would be on my thighs. When He announces only 3 more, it is a relief, but with the knowledge that will be the hardest ones yet. I managed to stay in place.

He then went over and brought over a rubber strap. He annnounced that if He was not pleased with Friday's report, He would be using the rubber strap in the basement. He gave me one swat with it...WOW. Granted it was on a sore bottom, but i do not ever want to feel that being used on my bottom by an angry Master. I asked if we were done, He allowed me to get up. He reminded me i had not said i was sorry, i replied i had in an email. He said not in person, so i said sorry, and went up the stairs, muttering it was only 2 pounds.

He stayed in the basement, when i reached the top He said He obviously had not done a good enough job, i needed to come back down. I did not want to, and said so. He waited a minute or so. I was not moving. He started to count, and self preservation kicked in and i went back down to Him. He had me back over the seat of the chair, but did not spank, He rubbed and talked. I started to calm down a little. He had me get up and sit in His lap, and we chatted about my attitude and my behavior. I had calmed a little, and we ended with some kneeling time.

Once back upstairs Master said He expects extra effort the rest of the week, to make up for the lost weekend.

Since i have been home, i have been trying to figure out, where all that ungracious submission came from. I have a few ideas, no real answers, but the attitude is gone, replaced with embarrassment. One month...my resolution lasted one month. So i start again...Master my resolution for the rest of this year is to submit more gratiously, to submit because i want to, because it will please You, because it is good for me.

It has been months since my last visit to the basement....hopefully it will be longer than that for my next one.

abby

Monday's (sad) report

More snow, more freezing temps, maybe i can blame them for my report this morning?

For the first time in quite a while i had to report a significant gain this morning. Significant as in, 2 pounds just over the weekend. I only had to lose 1/2 to get back to my goal, and i guess i decided 1/2 pound, i don't even have to try. My daughter made homemade pizza on Sunday, it is DEELISH...had it for lunch and dinner, when to a friend's birthday dinner on Sat....you can imagine part of that menu. I don't wii on the weekends.
It all adds up to a 2 pound gain.

I delayed reporting, then decided to text instead of calling...i know it doesn't change anything, except i don't have to hear His disappointment, and then His resolve to make sure i don't let this happen again for a LONG time. I text that i was sorry and would do better....His reply..Oh you WILL!

He got tied up at work this afternoon, so we did not meet. It's kind of a good news/bad news situation. Good news..i get a short reprieve and He gets a chance to cool down a little. Bad news...He made sure i knew i was not off the hook, i hate waiting for a punishment, i just want it done, and it gives Him time to think about how to make me really regret my lapse.

I will let you know how it goes...if i can sit at my computer...

abby

Brrrr....weekend thoughts

I have always lived in an area where the 4 seasons expressed themselves with all their glory, and loved it. Except the past few years i have been wishing that winter would last at the most, 2 months, and maybe just over the holidays. It is snowing here again, and according to the weather people, it won't get above freezing this coming week. ENOUGH i say! (i have about as much power over the weather gods, as i do over master, so settle in for more winter).

The scale was good to me on Friday, i lost 1 pound. Only 1/2 to go til i am back to my goal weight, porbably not my final goal, but my most recent one. Master expects that to happen tomorrow.

Master is away for the weekend, and whenever He or i are away i usually feel somewhat uneasy. This weekend has been different. I had a "welcome home" and my maintenance spankings last week, and we spent some time on Friday just being together, chatting, and having Him remind me that no matter where each of us are, I am His...all of me...His submissive. For some reason that time on Friday seems to have made a difference.

I have felt His presence all weekend. I have been calm, and sure, no "voices", and looking forward to His return. It's only a weekend, but this time the "apartness" has not caused my "voices" to attempt a return. Maybe i am finally turning a corner, becoming a little more confident, understanding better what Master is always telling me. I hope so, because this feeling is much better than what i usually put myself through.

We will see, after this coming week, Master is away for a week, and i leave before He returns for a week...yeah that's 2 weeks to test my new "resolve". Hopefully what i have felt this weekend, will carry me through those 2 weeks.

Stay cozy and warm, i am going to finish a great book i am reading.

hugs, abby

why is it so hard to ask?

I have been really "out of sorts" for the past 3 days...for no reason, for a lot of reasons. Besides some aggravations at home, i miss my dad, i am sick of the cold and snow, the diet is suffering, and i have been feeling not so submissive. UGH! I have mostly kept up with my rules and expectations, but not graciously. When i have called Master and He could not answer (at work) i hung up instead of leaving messages. My wonderful little "voices" were starting to gleefully return. UGH! UGH!

After playing phone tag a bit today Master and i finally connected. He could tell, He can always tell, after a very few words that i was not in a good place. I knew He was waiting for me to ask for my maintenance spanking. So i mumbled something like...do You have time today or tomorrow, if not that's OK. Silence on His end....that's never good. Finally, He asked if that was me asking for maintenance, for what i need.
I asked again, with a Sir and a please, and we agreed on a time for this afternoon.

We started maintenance almost a year ago...why is it sometimes still so hard for me to say the words...to ask for what i know i need, for what makes me a better submissive, for what i had wondered about for a long time. Most of the time it has become easier, but other times like today, i almost choke on the words. Master is always receptive, and has made it clear that not asking is not acceptable.

So we met, hugged, spanked, "played", and talked. He had me repeat why We started maintenance....to keep me focused, to help avoid Punishment spankings, to keep Us connected...all good things!

Tonight i am calmer, more content, feeling more like His submissive. I am dreading my weigh in tomorrow, i had been told i had a week to lose 11/2 pounds....by this Monday. That leaves the weekend, and i don't think i made much progress this week. Wish me luck... and a scale that likes me!

abby

Monday's update

I got back here over the weekend, but i never feel like i am home...i am where i belong...until Master has welcomed me home. Luckily He makes that happen quickly. My weigh in report this morning was that i had gained 1 1/2 pounds. I was pleased with that, it has been 2 weeks, and last week was fast foods, goodies, restaurants and lots of temptations. I was pretty sure He would give me a "good girl", and ask when i would be back to the goal.

I was greeted with a long, tight hug, some catching up chat, asking how i really was,...i am OK, still processing that dad is gone. Kneeling time was like a long slow massage, taking in His scent, His touch, His voice, filling what had been depleted within me. When i was finally relaxed, He mentioned my report, i said pretty good, right? He said it was a gain, but eventually agreed considering the circumstances it was pretty good.

Our reconnection spanking was a long, slow build up, using His hand, slowly peeling off the layers of my clothing, the kind of spanking that makes one wonder why everyone doesn't do this and wishing it would last for hours. Eventually he moved on to His paddle turning up the heat on a well warmed bottom. I was on my way to floating, when He stopped and said, time to address the gain. i argued...a bit...He countered with...not a punishment, nothing harsh, but a definate reminder that gaining is never acceptable. He had to wait a bit to get my Yes Sir, but he was patient, and i have learned that delaying too much only adds to my eventual discomfort.
It was over quickly, and "we" decided that i would lost the 1 1/2 by next Monday.

Then it was play time. i was primed..it has been 2 weeks. It did not take me long to start moaning and requesting persmission to cum, and cum, and cum. Master chuckled and reminded me that i used to say enough after once, saying there was no way i could orgasm more than once. Some things, i am only too happy to be wrong about!

Surprisingly i found myself fighting my tears. It took me years to cry in front of Master, and now the tears seem to have a mind of their own. He encouraged me to let them go, but i held on...guess i still need some practice in letting go.

After some coming back to earth time, with lots of rubbing and quiet talk, i was back to kneeling. I asked if this counted as this week's maintenance. Since i did not ask or arrange for today, it does not. Master insists that i ask for my maintence spankings, since asking for what i need is difficult for me.

It was a wonderful welcome back!
abby

dad......

Last week was a tough week. Babysitting was going fine...altho i had forgotten how much "stuff" you have to pack and lug when taking an 18 month old someplace. I had plans for Maya and i to drive to Maine on Friday (21st), when Boston got 12 inches of snow. They have a LOT of snow! So, i called and said we would travel on Saturday. Before i had a chance to leave Sat. morning, i got a call....dad had died early that morning in his sleep.

My dad was a man of few words, a wonderful sense of humor, a strong sense of duty, and a firm determination that family always came first. He had 10 older brothers and a younger sister. His dad left the family when he was 3, so his childhood was difficult. All of his brothers served in WWII, my dad lying about his age to enlist. He worked doubly hard to be sure his family had everything he never had.

He is no longer here, but he lives on. He taught all of his 10 grandchildren to play cribbage, til they were good enough to give him a challenge. When the great-grands came along, we knew the rocking chair would be rocking again, while he whistled all of the Big Band tunes. He left us all with lessons and gifts...and a wonderful legacy of love.

Love you more dad...
abby

Boston...."easy"

BRRRRR....When i am home i envy the mild Boston winters. This year, instead of the usual 15 inches of snow for this time of year, they are close to 50... with another storm headed here on Wednesday. To top it off, for the first time in years it should get below 0, by about 10 degress on Monday!!!! Hope the kids are enjoying Hawaii.

Babysitting is going well. She is an easy 18 month old to get along with. She is learning new words every day, which makes me love this age. We were supposed to head up to Maine today to visit my parents, but the 10 new inches of snow changed that plan. Hoping to get there tomorrow for a day or two.

The word "easy' has been running around my head lately. When i was a teenager to be an easy girl was NOT a good thing...i attended an all girl's private school...so positively not a good thing! But what about being an easy submissive? It would seem to be a good thing. Am i an easy submissive? I think i am easier than i used to be. Master was very patient and consistent when we first started this journey...not that He has changed. But i was so unsure of so many things, and found trust to be difficult to give. I once even asked Him, if He was sure i was a submissive. He was sure, and i am sure. I have learned to trust, and what it means when i say, You are my priority Sir, my aim is to please You...i am owned only and totally by my Master. So, i believe i am an easier submissve, although there are days Master would dispute that statement. Is being an "easy or easier" submissive less challenging, or more boring, making it a not such a good thing? I don't know.

Has my submission to Master becom easier? Yes, in some things. There are areas i am still struggling to let go in. But i do also know what it feels like to think...i would do anything He asked....and it is such an awesome feeling. Master once told me that when He saw my submission becoming too easy, it would be time to "raise the bar". I can understand that....being routine, leads to boring, and the specialness might diminish. I can also see where He gets a greater enjoyment seeing me struggle, and finally succeed. He has helped me attain goals i never thought possible.

My point in all this. I don't think i have one...just sharing some thoughts on a cold, snowy Boston night.

stay warm....abby

Monday's report

Hello all from Boston. I drove over yesterday, through some nasty weather, but needed sunglasses when i finally got to Massachusetts. My son and daughter in law leave for Hawaii, very early Wednesday morning...Maya and i get to be buddies....she is a great buddy!

I don't weigh in when i am not home. No wii, not the same scale...when i weigh in i need to have everything the same as it always is. Luckily Master allows me this indulgence. It makes my first weigh in when i return a surprise, and not always a good one.

For the past 6 months i have been away from home often. I have always taken time to visit my adult children, but throw in my dad's health, and grand children and lately it seems i am away at least 1 week a month.

I used to go away, and after a couple of days i would have completely forgotten that i have rules, or a weigh in awaiting me. I would slowly start to feel detached from being accountable to Someone, and my returns were almost always bumpy. I had a whole new mindset, and not a great submissive one.

Over time Master and i have worked that out. I use to think that Master looked forward to my going away, i would not be bugging Him, he could forget about me, more free time for Him. He never said that to me, i just convinced myself. We would not be in touch as much, i would slowly let go of my rituals and rules, and start to drive myself crazy.

Luckily Master does not give up easily. I now know that being away is a time for me to be more conscience of my rituals and rules. To keep Master in my head as well as in my heart. My first text to Him this morning was...knelt for You, could smell, feel, and hear You, Sir,. He said it was a good start.

Master always tells me to use all the tools in my tool box, and to use them as often as i need/want to. What He is telling me is...this is NOT the time to stop asking for permissions, to forget to do a daily task, to not keep in touch. I can call, text, email as often as i need. I now believe that He means it. He gets texts and pictures and calls and emails, as often as i need to be in touch with Him. I now know, that i am His submissive 24/7...no matter where i am. I know He will be waiting for me when i return. I know that it is up to me to make that reunion one we both enjoy!

I already miss You Master!

abby

no loss....but no gain

Monday i was only 1/2 pound away from my goal weight. I was sure i would be there when i weighed in today. I used the wii, i was fairly careful with what i ate....and, i did not lose the 1/2 pound...i did not gain...but that darn scale did not budge. When i texted Master, His reply was Hmmmmm..

On my way to see Master, i was not sure what to expect. A 'stay the same week' is usually cause for punishment..not a major one, but not a play time. But i am leaving for Boston this weekend, and will be gone about 2 weeks. I had told him that i tried, and He had agreed.

After some chatting, i was kneeling for Him. He decided to attack my nipples. I reacted and lifted my hands, but quickly recovered. I was reminded they are His, and He could make this more painful. I stayed in place and managed to breathe through the rest of His nipple play time. He then said i was to stay the same while away, He would not punish me for the stay the same week. I asked for a little wriggle room, but did not get it, and was reminded that it has been a while since we had a trip to the basement. Those are to be avoided if at all possible...no good or happy memories down there.

We sent time chatting and hugging and enjoying each others company. Master reminded me to use all the tools in my tool box..more about that in my next post. Then it was time to say good-bye. I miss Him all ready, but He will be waiting when i return. On the bright side, there is an 18 month old, with big plans for grandma!

abby

maintenance...reminder

It is FREEZING here..and way too much snow. I want to go someplace warm!
Since that doesn't seem to be in my future, guess i will have to rely on Master to warm me up.

This afternoon was maintenace or "reminder" spanking day. Usually i have to ask, but we seem to be having a hard time connecting during the day. I got a text, "Come on over", did not hear my phone, was in the basement, but luckily i checked and read the message soon after it was sent. So i came on over.

Master was busy cutting some tile, He is doing a bathroom re-model. So He told me to get comfortable...translation...kneeling and naked. I did, but my mind was wandering. When Master walked in, He immediately told me to focus! Naked, kneeling time should have my focus totally on Him, even if He is not in the room with me.

He started to claim every part of me, remarking that i went a little short on the hair cut this morning. Might limit His "caveman" ways. Then it was over His lap. Maintenance is pretty much the same, i have to say why i am being spanked, and why we have weekly "reminders". He graciouly started with a nice hand warm-up, with some rubbing, before that hair brush paddle came out. He reminds me that i need to remember this for a while, so i know i need to prepare myself. Starting off slowly, He builds to a hard and fast series, My feet are kicking, but i am staying put, and concentrating on breathing. Soon i am ouching rather loudly, and after a harder set we are done.

Master is talking, rubbing, comforting, and checking to see if i am "wet", of course i am. I will never understand that connection, but it is there. Master soon has me on the verge of cumming, and being the nice "Guy" He is, tells me to cum before i can even get the words out. It is intense, and i find myself, not sobbing, but crying. Master comforts me, and brings me to a safe landing, assuring me that my emotions are good, that He is my safety net, that He is here for me. Finally i am back.

One of the things that i love about Master is the way He uses words. I taught english for a long time, and i know the importance of words. Master can make me laugh, breathe, regret, cum, think, bring me to tears, all with the way He uses words. It is not something i went looking for, but i am soo glad i found it, it is important to me.

Master asked about my weigh in tomorrow. I honestly told Him i had no idea. Using the wii, means i get weighed every day, but this week it has been a very inconsistent week. Lose, gain, lose, gain. He says, i would hate to have to punish you before you leave. ( I am off to Boston, for a babysitting stint). I say, i thought 2 spankings a week was our limit, He laughed and gave me "that" look. We shall see tomorrow.

abby

mmmmmmm.....sounds of contentment

I received a surprise message from Master this afternoon, i was to meet Him in an hour. We had not really connected all day, i had texted Him my weigh-in, He texted back, and i called at lunch, but did not even leave a message. So i was surprised, but sometimes surprises can be soo nice.

We hugged and chatted and i knelt for Him. Then it was over his knee for a nice hand warm up. He lightly tapped my thighs, just only as a tease. We were chatting about different things, and it was just nice and relaxed and special.
He then commented that since i had said that He seemed to be attached to His brush paddle, He decided to make this a leather day! I love leather, leather over wood and day! (hmm..maybe i can hint at a few more things here...)

Over the side of the sofa i went, and the large leather strap was in His hand. He started with a set of 20 that i struggled through. Not sure why, i was warmed up and it was leather, but the last few seemed to really hurt, and i was struggling to stay in place. He announced that was 20 out of 100, and i panicked. He started rubbing and soothing and talking quietly, saying i could do this, i needed to relax a little, and it was LEATHER. I took a deep breath, He changed sides and i sailed through the next 20. We made it to 80, but i did notice everytime he went to that first side, they definately did hurt more. I did complain, not that it changed His plan. The last 20 were 10 harder ones on each side. By the end, i could feel my wetness.

Master likes to "check" to see if my complaining was valid....He chuckled and said one part of me was certainly not complaining. Using His magical fingers He quickly brought me to the edge.....when he decided we should chat.
Sometimes i wonder what is He thinking, here i am trying to remember just to keep breathing, not to cum without permission, squirming, and He wants to chat! He claims this is when He as my complete attention, and i will agree more quickly. So we chatted about my diet and my upcoming babysitting trip to Boston, and i honestly don't remember what else. He certainly did not stop enjoying my "wetness". Finally i nicely asked if we could please stop with the chatting.....i needed a permission....and it was granted. I'm not sure how many orgasms i had, more that usual 2 or 3....i just could get enough.
I never thought that i would or could be so orgasmic.

When i came back to earth, Master had me lay my head in His lap, and was rubbing and kissing and helping me to a "safe landing". It was such an unexpected, wonderful, special time....one of those, i want to remember this forever times. Master said He wanted to make sure i came back from Boston as soon as possible....He ensured that. I always miss Him, of course, but i am already wishing i were back.

As i was getting dressed, Master said this was not maintenance. I looked at Him, and he continued, i had not asked for it, i am supposed to ask for maintenance. So, maintenance is on tap for later this week, for now i just want to enjoy the aftermath of this afternoon.

I was going to wait til tomorrow to post this, since i had blogged this morning. But Master thought 2 postings in one day were not too much.

Thank you Master...i have rarely felt as content, at peace, and cared for, as i do this evening.

abby

Monday update...

Good morning! I have been thinking I wanted to post more, but was not sure what to write about....except of course the obvious. I have decided to make it a goal to post a Monday Update...it might be boring, it might be very vanilla, but i know i love reading any updates for all of you. So this is my first Monday update.

I had a quiet weekend, snowy and cold! The best part was the delicious home-made pizza my daughter made on Saturday. I am not a big fan of pizza, but hers is soooo good..i had it for lunch and dinner.

I also had a great weigh in this morning. I say great because it was a nice surprise. I was a little apprehensive....pizza, and snuck in some ice cream on Sunday. I weigh in every Monday and Friday mornings. I use the wii, and wear my same PJ's and at around the same time, i leave nothing to chance. I am trying to convince Master that once a week would be nice, but so far He is not buying into it. The "diet gods" were good to me this morning.....down 1 pound. I am only 1/2 pound above where i was before the holidays! Hurrah for me! Although i have a feeling i better not tempt those gods this week.

My book club meets tomorrow, so i will be spending much of today reading.
What a great way to spend the day!

Have a good week all...try to stay warm.

abby

brrrrrrr....

I hope everyone is staying nice and cozy and warm. It is way too cold here in Western NY, with more snow on the way. I love the four seasons, seeing the changes, but winter needs to be, at the most, 1 month long!

Master decided i needed some "warming up" this afternoon...i could not have agreed more. Since i was really cold when i arrived, He said we could start with clothing on and slowly pull off the layers. That rarely happens, but it was nice. He was using the hairbrush paddle, He seems to be attached to it lately. Over jeans, i don't mind it at all. After a bit he started peeling off the layers, over a bare bottom that hairbrush paddle heats things up much more quickly.

Once Master decides my bottom is sufficiently warmed up, he moves on to other parts. I am soon panting and sweating and needing a permission....or two. When i finally caught my breath again, i was so cozy and warm and comfy...winter is not all that bad...lol. After some chatting we had to be on our way.....short and sweet and cozy.....and warmed up enough to face the cold once again.

abby

A good start to 2011

Master and i had a wonderfully delicious morning..a great way to start 2011!

Only it started out with a misstep. Master emailed me early this morning, to remind me to start on the wii and that i needed to report my weigh in. I read the text and did both. Later Master calls and asks if there is a problem...He has been waiting for me. I had not read the whole text...big OOPS! I quickly apologized and went to Him.

The oops was forgiven, but with a warning i should check my messages more carefully. We hugged and chatted, Master was pleased with my New Year's note and with my last blog post on obedience/submission. He pointed out how far i have come, places where i have definately improved recently, and how He looks forward to this year.

Then it was kneeling time where He claimed all parts of me, and i never even flinched..even with pinching and pulling of my so sensitive nipples. A wonderfully relaxing long hand spanking mixed in with lots of rubbing was next on the agenda. I was soo relaxed. Then Master said, "reach over and hand me to bath brush". Not words i enjoy hearing. Without hesitation, i reached over and gave it to Him. I could feel His smile as He commented, good job, very submissive, no hesitation.

He started off slowly, built slowly, and i was still somewhat relaxed.
Mater then asked if i wanted my first maintenance for the year, now or after my flogging. I opted for now, and He reminded me that i am to ask for maintenance. I did, and that darn bath brush was heating up my bottom with harder spanks. Master had me tell Him why we have maintenance...to keep me on track, to keep my "voices" quiet, to help to avoid a major punishment session. Then without warning a fast and hard flurry of spanks. I did manage to breathe through them and stay in place, but was very glad when they stopped.

FLOGGER time!! Master remarked that we ended the year with a flogging and are starting the new year with one...that is one tradition i intend on keeping. The feel of that leather all over my back and bottom, the THUDS, the dragging of the leather strips up and down my body, between my legs, the harder landings that seem to push out any stress that might still be lingering....have i mentioned that i love Master's flogger! Master ended with 20 much harder ones, my back and bottom were nice and warm and tingly.

Master then tells me to get my bottom high over the back of the couch. I hate that position, and always wait to be told at least twice, but i took a deep breath and walked over and got into position. Master reminded me to keep my legs open, and i complied. Master had a large strap in His hands. I managed to stay in position during the strapping even the last 20 much harder ones. Yes, i did have those elusive tears in my eyes, but there was no sobbing.

When i get up there is a big hug waiting for me, with lots of praise.
Master then has me get back in kneeling position where He reaches in and brings me to the brink of orgasm. He reminds me to stay in position, as He continues, and has me asking for permission to cum. It is granted, and i am soon lost in all the sensations, as i cum for my Master. Master immediately pulls me between His legs and is rubbing and cuddling and bringing me back to earth. Master is speaking softly to me, telling me how proud He is that i stayed in postion and kept myself open to Him, how much my submission pleases Him.

I then asked for permission for an errand i wanted to run, took a deep breath and asked for permission to go to Boston to do some babysitting in a couple of weeks. Asking for permission for my trips to see family is something i have been avoiding. Not because Master would ever just randomly say no...He knows how important they are to me, and is always generous with any permissions....but it was just something i did not want to let go of. Asking for permission always opens the door to a no. Master asked if i had already said yes, i honestly said that i had said i probably could. He did give me permission, and said next time i have to check would be a better answer. This was a big step for me, a step in submission and trust. After more hugs, i was off to run my errand.

A wonderful way to start the new year, with hopes of many more wonderful times to come. Thank you Master for leaving me feeling submissive, safe, cared for, and satisfied. My submission to You is the road to being "me", to a special place and feelings i never imagined possible.

abby

obedience/submission

I gave up on making New Year's resollution years ago. It was too discouraging and left me feeling bad. Now I think more in terms of goals, only with Master a voiced goal is more solid than a resolution. On New Year's eve i sent Master a long note looking back on this wonderful year, and what i hope for in the coming year. I listed a few goals, mostly having to do with being more open and letting go.
This morning a blog i was reading mentioned the difference between obedience and submission. I have been thinking about those two words all day.
Obedience is of course a part of submission, but submission, to me, goes deeper than obedience.
I feel i am usually obedient. But, not always in a submissive way. I am e xpected to send Master an email every night. It started out as a food diary, but now includes other items as well as details aboout my day that He does not already know about. I do send the report every night, but not always submissively. When i am feeling "uneasy" or my "voices" have been hounding me, or i am just doubting myself, the report reflects that. I might omit the heading He prefers, i omit to mention what happened during my day, i just send a food diary nothing else. Obedient, but not submissive.
I am also supposed to do a daily task for Master. It is my choice, and can last only a couple minutes. Usually i do some kneeling time, sometimes a no panty day, sometimes i find something He would enjoy and email it to Him. Occasionally, when i am having an off day, my task is to lie in bed thinking of Him...not all that submissive.
I guess i am following the intent, but not the spirit of the law...or rule. There are other examples also. So, my new and only goal for this year, is to be more submissive, not just obedient. It is my submission He seeks, not just my obedience....
abby

Happy New Year

Christmas was wonderful...with a 2 1/2 and a 16 month old....how could it not be! We did get snowed in and did not make it to Maine as planned, but did get there for a mini celebation later in the week. Dad was even having a good day, and enjoyed time with his great grand daughter.

Happy New Year to all of you. Thank you for making me feel welcomed to the blogging world this year! I get very excited when i get to read comments, and meet new bloggers. May you all find some hope, joy and peace in the coming year!

hugs abby

there's been a dusting!

Master and i had a special, lovely morning.

After we greeted each other, and chatted a bit, i noticed that all of my favorite "toys" were layed out....just waiting. Leather flogger, horse hair flogger, crop, whip (more Master's favorite than mine), leather and more leather!!

After some kneeling and focusing time, it was over His knee for a hand warm up. My bottom is still tender from Wednesday's session, but with rubbing and massaging, it was wonderful. Then on my tummy, for a wonderfully relaxing body massage..Master has such magical hands. Horse hair flogger came first. It is one of Master's newest toys, and i love it! It is stingy, in a very good way...and when He drags it over parts of my body, i turn to jello! It also is small enough to reach all over...every nook and cranny! More rubbing, then the leather flogger, starts off lightly and increases in intensity. I can feel whatever tension is still in my body being pushed out, and can breathe deeply and freely again.

After more rubbing i feel the deep sting of the whip. It has taken me a while to get used to the sensation of Master's whip. After the sting comes a burning sensation which i have learned to breathe through. The cool feel of Master's hands rubbing the sting and burn away is heavenly. Finally the crop, which He uses all over, up my legs, arms, bottom back, going quickly , slowly, keeping me guessing and alert to any possibility. More rubbing, and a "check" to see how much i am enjoying my Christmas spanking....no matter how much i may protest, one part of me always gives me away...i am getting very "wet".

"Time for me to give the same treatment to the front side...over you go."
I always dread those words, even after all this time, rolling over seems like opening myself up, no hiding, and it is not my best side. But over i go, hands behing my head and take a deep breath. The same toys are used on my front, the horse hair and leaather flogger, being the only ones i would ever request. My hands start to move, when He is targeting my breast, they have always been very sensitive, but i am reminded to put them back. Master does not spend as much time on my front, thankfully.

Master starts in again with the massaging and rubbing, working His way down to check my wetness. I am more than ready, and am soon moaning and arching, wanting more and trying to remember to breathe. I hear Master's voice telling me to cum for Him, as He is bringing me to the edge. I do cum, more than once, and then one very explosive orgasm.

Then, something very surprising happens. I start to sob, not just a few tears, but i am sobbing. I have had some pretty hard paddlings, and had tears in my eyes, but in all the time i have been with Master...i have never just let go and really sobbed. If i could have stopped myself i would have, but there was no stopping me. Master immediately tucked me into my "safe" spot, inside His furry chest and held me tightly, and was comforting me with words, although i have no recall of what He was saying.

When i finally stopped crying, i apologized and He wanted to know for what...Master has often encouraged me to cry during a hard seesion, or when i was stressed, crying is just not my style. I cry when i am alone, but not usually in front of people. Master said those were wonderful cries of joy and release, and letting go, and He welcomed them.

I have been thinking the last few days that one of my goals for next year would be to be more open with Master, to try and tear down more of those walls. It seems i have started early. I told Master this afternoon, i have never felt so submissive and owned and secure....a great way to go into Christmas celebrations and the new year!

I am leaving tomorrow to celebrate with my children and granddaughters, and on Monday with mom, my brothers, sister and nieces and nephews....we all plan on spending time with dad also. I wish you all a holiday that is what you wish for, that creates wonderful memories, and leaves you with some of the magic of the season!

hugs, abby

Christmas meme

I have never completed one of these....Thanks PK!

1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Positively hot chocolate..with whipped creme sprinkled with peppermint!

2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
HMMM..I think that is the elves job.

3.Colored lights on tree/house or white?
colored..more the better

4.Do you hang mistletoe?
No

5.When do you put your decorations up?
a long standing family tradition is...1 decoration goes up each day in December....only we start sooner..too many.

6.What is your favorite holiday dish?
Hard to choose...probably pork pie..another family tradition...a great breakfast on Christmas morning!

7.Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
wow..maybe finally being old enough to go to midnight mass...and hear all the choirs...

8.When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
Truth about Santa?? I still believe!

9.Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Just one...usually everyone gets new PJ's.

10.How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
My tree is a 4 footer that has all frog decorations, a frog angel on top, frog tree skirt and frog lights!

11.Snow! Love it or Dread it?
DREAD

12.Can you ice skate?
I used to.....grew up skating outside every Friday night! Even did a little speed skating.

13.Do you remember your favorite gift?
Seems like every year there is a new favorite...

14.What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Being with all my children and grand daughters, and seeing how everyone gets along and tries to get just the right gift for others.

15.What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
All of them...expecially if they have lots of chocolate.

16.What tops your tree?
An angel

17.Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Both...knowing that someone has tried to get you just the right thing..and watching to see the reactions to my choices.

18.What is your favorite Christmas Song?
‘What Child is This?’

19.Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?
Yum...but only the traditional peppermint ones.

20. Favorite Christmas Show?
A christmas Carol...as a live show..

21.Saddest Christmas Song?
Hmm..maybe Blue Blue Christmas??

sore bottom, content heart

I went to bed last night knowing Master was very much not pleased...not the way to get a good night's sleep. I got a text message on my cel this morning (while i was in the shower), to get myself to Him NOW. It took me less than 10 minutes to get myself together.

He always has such a look of disappointment when he greets me for a punishment. We barely chatted, i was wondering what He had in mind. To my relief (short lived as it was), we were not headed for the basement. Basement punishments are the worse. I got to be over his lap, which at least offers a little comfort. He wanted to know what led up to the disastrous phone call. After i explained He reminded me that i go to Him for help with problems, but DO NOT take out my frustrations on Him, in tone or words. I, of course know this, and have been better at it, but those darn "little voices"....which Master intended to banish far away.

It was a no warm up, bare bottomed, hair brush paddling....hard from the start. It only took a quick round to get me squirming and kicking..not good things. At one point He warned me that he would get rope and tie my legs if they kicked high enough to touch His hand again, and that He would add to what i was already going to get. My bottom was on fire, but i did manage to just drum my feet, and not raise them into a kick.

It seemed like He had no intention of stopping. I was ouching and squirming and trying to "scoot" away. He finally said if i did not settle, He would change His target to my thighs...and as much as my bottom was hurting, i knew my thighs would hurt much worse. He was determined i would remember this spanking for a long, long time....it was the hardest he has spanked me in a long while. Finally, after many sorries, and being close to tears, He stops and we chat a little. One of my answers, gets me 6 light taps on my thighs...enough to re-focus me. Finally He says i may get up.

Foolish me, i heaved a sigh of relief....Master then tells me to bend over the back of the sofa, bottom high up in the air. I HATE that position.
He looks at me and reminds me that having Him repeat a request is not a good idea. I get over the back of the sofa, and He is holding a cane. My bottom is so sore, just walking to get in position was no fun. I am over the sofa, feet still on the ground, when i hear the swish, and feel the sting, the burn, the stripe. I do move around a little during the first set, but do not get up. I am then told to get over feet off the ground, bottom way up. If i am good and stay in position, i will only get 12 more. I am not sure i can do it, but i also know, that my bottom is throbbing, and i don't want any more. I do manage to stay in place, and after another 12 He is finished. I am told to stay in place, while He looks at His "handi work".

"Debt paid" He says. We hug and chat a bit. I ask for permission to go to the mall to get one last gift. Yes, is His reply, but i am to walk the whole mall while i am there. He never misses an opportunity to get me to get some exercise in.

This afternoon, driving to the mall was extremely uncomfortable. My bottom is still very sore as i am sitting here...that is unusual for me. But, what i realized as i was walking around the mall.....as sore as my bottom is...the rest of me is at peace. No long battles, no grudges, just contentment. I am not sure how or why that works for me, but i am very glad that i found someone who understands that it does, is consistent in words and deeds, and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep "me" where i am whole, happy and calm. Life is good....
abby

flogger update

Don't get too excited folks, it's not what most of you are probably thinking. The flogger is still gathering dust, and will be for a while. Master and i had a tough morning...all my fault.

I am not sure i should publicly admit this, but i sometimes have conversations with the little voices in my head. They have been fairly quiet for a while now, but they returned last night. The problem is they are like the "devil on my shoulder"....always leading me trouble. I know this, and yet i still let them. Since we started maintenance spankings i have been pretty much able to hush and ignore them. They were not giving me good messages last nite, and i fell into an uneasy sleep and awoke this morning to find them still there. It's not an excuse for what followed, and i should know better, but i blew it.

Master and i were texting back and forth, about my plans for today and my plans for the upcoming holidays. I was getting a little impatient with His questions, i wanted to go and get things done, so i decided to call and see if we could have a conversation. He answered, but i immediately went into self-destruct mode. My tone of voice, my choice of words...all not acceptable...it was a short conversation, and not a good one. I called back a few minutes later..it used to take me much longer to get to that point, and left a voice mail, but i had already, crossed a line. Pretty sure, no flogging in my near future.....

On a more upbeat side, i am just about ready for Christmas. I got off to a late start this year, and was worried about getting everything that i wanted done, but i should be done by this time tomorrow. It's a scaled back version, but all of the important elements are in place for our traditional family traditions to take place! My two grand-daughters are almost 3 and 1 1/2 so it will certainly be exciting to see it all through their beautiful eyes! My wish for all of you is to experience some magical memory making times during the next week!
abby

welcomed home

Thanks to a sinus infection, 43 inches of snow, ( last December, we had 10!), freezing temperatures, and a very long list of "things i have to do for Christmas", it took until today for Master and i to finally get together.

We had plans for Tuesday, but my daughter, who nannies 3 boys under the age of 4, called with "I NEED HELP"....the 2 year old twins had both decided to get the flu at the exact same time.

Yesterday, i forgot to carry my cel with me and missed 3 of His calls.
In my defense that has not happened in years....but it was a weak defense.

Finally, this afternoon I was properly welcomed back home...back to where i belong. Hugs with Master are not just a quick leaning in towards each other. They are hang on tight, big squeezes, burried in his "fur" events...see me smiling! Hugs were the first thing on our agenda. Then some catching up on news we had not fully discussed.

Kneeling time came first, a time for me to focus and block everything else out. A time when Master reclaims all parts of me. A time for me just to enjoy being "in the moment".

Then over His lap i went. I was counting on a welcome back combination good girl type of spanking. It started out that way. Using His hand for a long warm-up, altho occasionlly finding my thighs. Lots of rubbing and massaging, getting me sighing and relaxing.

"You do know you are in a little bit of trouble"? Hmmm...maybe was my cautious reply. Then the question that i hate...."Why are you in trouble"?
Now it's been over 2 weeks, and i have been pretty good, but an open ended question like that is always cause for concern. I tried to get Him to tell me why, but no dice. I knew He had been upset over the phone issue yesterday, but i was hoping He would overlook it. The phone?, i questioned.
BINGO..."I called 3 times with no answer, you are supposed to have that phone with you, it is our main means of communication during the day". My reply was i had not forgotten it in years, and i was sorry. His reply, " you won't want to forget again".

"What would be another reason"? Now i was worried, i could think of a few small things, but you never want to fess up to something that He is not thinking of! I finally said i did not know...He said....wii. The wii and i have had a parting of ways over the past couple months. And it seems that getting back to it has become a major hurdle. I was doing 50 minutes/day...5 days a week. Master has mentioned it a couple of times, but i just have not wanted to get going on it again. I said that maybe the beginning of next year would be a good time to start up again...wrong asnwer! He said at least 25 minutes a day, 5 days a week, minimum...while rubbing that darn hairbrush on my bottom.

He said he was not punishing me for the wii, but He expected me to start using it. The phone issue however...and the hairbrush was now doing His talking. I guess He was more upset than i thought. I was squirming and trying to move out of range..all of which of course is futile. Then i made a mistake i have not made in a long time...i said, "That's enough!" He stopped, but only to chuckle, and make fun of the idea that i might be in charge....and tucked me in close, and really let the darn thing fly. I rarely cry during a spanking, but the tears were there. It Hurt!!!

Finally, instead of wood, i feel His hands rubbing my bottom...and many other places. Usually punishments have no happy endings, but it had been a long time. It always amazes me how fast Master can get me to the begging for permission to cum part.....luckily for me, He is generous with His permissions. I was soon breathless and well sated.

After we are dressed, and i am gettin ready to leave, Master asks if i will be using the wii in the morning. I stand there and hesitate, and soon find myself over the back of a nearby chair, and the hairbrush is flying once again. It does not take me long to say..Yes Sir, the wii is part of my plan for tomorrow. He reminds me, that hesitating....not a good idea.

Yes, my bottom is still throbbing a bit as i write this...but i also have a smile on my face. I am back to where i belong, to where i can be "me".
abby

memories.....8 years ago

Sooo cold....and soo much snow! But my memories are keeping me warm tonight. Eight years ago today, Master and i met. I was sooo nervous, meeting someone i had met over the internet, and talked to on the phone to discuss "spanking"...was this really me? That man that i met, instantly made me feel at ease..that and the giant sized happy hour beer! Mostly what i remember is thinking..he uses the word spanking out loud in almost every sentence...and the sound of his voice..it pulled me in...and as the quote goes..he had me at "hello".

For the next 2 years he introduced me to the world of spanking. He seemed to know instinctively when to take it very slowly and when to push me a bit. He introduced me to all the toys in his giant toy bag, to the joys of bondage and blindfolds, and even trained me to call him "Sir". Slowly, he took this "newbie" and opened up a whole new world to her.

After about two years the word "submission" started to enter our discussions. I was a take charge, be in control person...yes getting spanked was submissive in nature, but..... Once again he knew me better than i knew myself. One memorable afternoon in June, i "officially" became his...he was my Master....he owned all of me. I have learned a lot about being submissive in the ensuing years, Master is a good and patient teacher.

So, this is a thank You note to the man i now call Master. This is not a complete list, he has helped me to grow and change in ways i never imagined possible. He claims he has not changed me, he has simply allowed the hidden "me" to emerge, maybe he just does not realize how much he has impacted my world.

Master thank You,
...for teaching me that being submissive is not about being weak or a doormat,
...for knowing when to insist i can reach a goal, and when to let me quietly come to that conclusion myself
...for accepting ALL of me, pushing me to improve areas i want to, but always accepting all parts of me as they are
...for helping me to look deep inside myself, to become more open, to tear down walls that i was sure were permanent
...for being a support for me, in hard times, even when we are in different states, You know how to get me to breathe and smile
...for making my fantasies come to life...even the ones i did not know i had!
...for those times, especially in the beginning, when You could have given up on me, and even i would not have blamed You, but You hung in there
...for proving to me that it is more than OK to reach out and to ask for help
...for making each year better than the one that came before, this past year being no exception to that
...for earning and being worthy of my trust and respect...i used to choke on the word sir, now Master is is a fitting title

This is, of course, an incomplete list.

Finally, thank-you Master, for making turning 50, the start of a new life for me....one i could not ever have imagined. I wasn't getting older, i was getting better...lucky me!

HUGS...abby

home again for a bit

I have been back home since Thursday evening. I have also been debating about coninuing this blog. Since it seems that all i do lately is drive back and forth and seem to have little control over anything...and not in a good way. My posts are so irregular, i was debating the value of the blog. But i do like the contact with other bloggers, and i hate to give up on something that i have just started. So, for now i will continue.

This past trip was an exhausting roller coaster ride. Dad was in ICU, then in a regular room. Up until then i had been extremely grateful for the wonderful health care workers who were assigned to my dad. That ended with 2 of the worst days since this has started. I won't go into details, but there are some jobs that require at least a touch of compassion.

We finally got dad back to the VA home...they were so happy to see him back. He has lost a lot of ground, and some days are heartbreaking since he is very confused. But He also has good days in between, and lately he seems to be more at peace. He will spend his last days at the VA, where their caring and compassion are truly inspiring.

I decided to return home last Thursday. Of course i woke up with a sinus headache, but i was determined. It was supposed to be a snow free day ( which has been way too rare here, lately) so i left after having breakfast with mom, and was back by dinner time. I wasn't feeling great, but i was back.

I took one day to rest, then it was a shopping marathon day with my daughter. I am usually one of those people who is done with shopping and wrapping by the end of November. This year i had barely started...and 2 little granddaughters who are just the right age to enjoy Christmas!
Thanks to my daughter's help, shopping is done, and wrapping is about finished also! I might even get some cookies made.

Master has been very supportive, allowing me to rest and knowing that i needed to get things done to feel a little better. I am not sure how long i will be here in town, i have about given up on getting that flogger dust free this year. I know that many of my blogging "friends" are also going through rough times now...may we keep the faith, have hope, and all find some special times to enjoy during this season of Christmas.

abby

flogger is still "dusty"

The good news is i am feeling a whole lot better! I also lost 6 pounds, although i am guessing i have already started to gain some of that back.

On the not so bright side...after a day of phone calls, i am heading back to Maine early in the morning. Dad is having more complications, and noone seems to really know what is happening. Tomorrow is supposed to be a good driving day..no snow...so i am off again. Master and i had planned on a nice long leather session this afternoon, but He knew what i really needed. Cudding and hugs, and words of reassurance, some kneeling time, and a reminder....i am His...all of me..i belong only and wholly to Master...and He takes that ownership seriously.

That flogger is still dusty, and i am not sure when i will be back...hopefully less than a week...but i seem to have very little control over such things. Keep your good thoughts coming my way, please...
abby

too long and too stressful....

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

I returned home yesterday. I was house,dog,cat and grandson sitting for my sister, visiting dad every day, helping mom with Christmas shopping and other details, and missing Master.
Dad is having some really good days, and really bad days. I just got off the phone with my sister, today was a really bad one. It looks less and less like we will get him home again, even though that is all he wants. He has always been such a proud take care of everyone guy......
A week ago today, i came down with the worst flu bug known to man...or woman. I spent most of the nite on my sister's bathroom floor, needing to be as close to the toilet as possible....(trying not to TMI here...) The next day i had 0 energy, but still had to pack, see to the dog and cats, and move over to spend the night at mom's. Wednesday i somehow managed to get on the morning train, and get myself to Boston. My son and daughter in law had planned on celebrating Thanksgiving on Saturday, by then i was able to sit at the table, and taste a few things. I am much better than i was, but not nearly as good as i need to be...i have such a long list of to-dos!

Master and i reconnected this afternoon...it was mostly a time of hugs and cuddling and quiet chatting about the past 2 weeks. After that, there was a long, slow building hand spanking, with rub downs and massages...so relaxing..so what i needed! Hopefully in a couple more days i will be ready for a longer, more vigorous session. I have been strongly hinting that the flogger must be getting very dusty!

Stay warm...and hug a loved one..
abby