My title sums up my afternoon. I sent in a report yesterday that I had gained 1 pound. I knew Master would not be pleased. I had a funeral in the morning, and spent my afternoon at DMV getting a new license, since I had discovered I lost mine.
By this morning, I had allowed my "voices" to invade and take over. I was questioning myself, Master, my submission. I did not send Master my good morning message, nor did I make my lunch time call. I even toyed with going shopping this morning without permission, but I could not bring myself to go that far. Master sent me a text, asking about my day, I barely replied. He said He would see me this afternoon, and instead of my Yes Sir, I replied ok. I was sinking fast.
When I got to Master's He gave me a look....and I melted. I said I owe You an apology as I sat down. He nodded, but said, there is a better place for you to be when you do that. I knelt at His feet, and apologized ...for all of it. Did not offer any excuses, just said I was sorry. Master said I had saved myself a trip to the basement, but I was still going to be punished.
"Run to me, not away from me", He said. He first spoke those words to me many years ago. For a while I could not figure out what He meant, I never physically ran away. But I did have all those walls that I retreated behind, and closed myself off. When I heard those words again, I realized I had just taken a big step into the past....and was even more sorry.
Master had me get up in the seat of an easy chair, and bend over the back so that my bottom was high and presented. Master used a strap, started hard and fast, and ended harder and faster, all over my bottom and some on my thighs. All the while reminding me what an expert scolder He is, telling me He does not fail, so I do not fail. He will do whatever is necessary to get me to the agreed goal, having me get permission before I eat anything, limiting my computer time (EEK!), tying me to a treadmill and paddling me...which has been done when we first started on this journey. I do not know how Master breathes when He scolds, since He never stops for breath. He let it be known that if I had another gain on Friday, the strapping would be doubled, and there would be more restrictions.
I love leather, but being punished by a determined Master is enough to make me re-think that love. My bottom was burning and welted. Master finally asked if I ahd been punished enough... after my Yes Sir, He rached around and started to play and tease and get me wet. When I started panting and wriggling He stopped. No permission to cum, this afternoon and tonite, maybe tomorrow, maybe longer. He sat down and I got up and went back to kneel by His feet. He smiled and said "good girl", my world was being put right again.
Master then reminded me that our agreement is I get to minus 70 by Thanksgiving, He is holding me to it, and I just made it more difficult. My food and exercise choices need to get better, and less of one and more of the other. He reminded me that once the goal is reach, we take a break and I get to decide if I want to continue.
He then told me to get closer and lay my head in His lap. As He was rubbing my back and my head, the tears finally came. MY walls were crumbling a little more. When I first met Master, I was just looking for a spanking or two. In fact, I was pretty convinced that every spanking would be my last, He would get smart and find someone younger, prettier, and definately sexier. He would tell me He wasn't going anyplace, I would nod, and think for now. When we started down the M/s road, I was a little more sure of "Us", but in the back of my mind always wondered if when the day came that I said I am happy with my weight, no more dieting, would He say fine, my job is done, good-bye.
Master has always reassured me that He is not going anyplace, that He has found what He was looking for. It has been almost 9 years now, and my trust has grown to a place I never imagined. Today, Master thanked me for giving Him the gift of "me", a gift He treasures and would never throw away or not cherish. I think He finally got through to me.
So, as I sit here on a sore bottom and thighs, I am content, I am at peace, I am His....His submissive, I am so lucky!
abby
Showing posts with label tears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tears. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
A leatherlicious birthday!
Today is my birthday. I know what you are all wondering....and i will only admit to...over 50! I had a great day, the first thing i saw when i woke up was a birthday message from Master. My almost 3 year old grand daughter sang her greeting to me, and the 18 month old put together Happy birthday Grandma....that must have taken a lot of coaching. I heard from friends and my mom and sister, and my daughter took me out to dinner.
The best part of today was this afternoon. I have been spanked more this past year than any other. Many of them are fairly quick events, and it has been a while since Master and i both had the time to just take an afternoon and play, snuggle, and enjoy each other. Master text me this morning to say this afternoon was our time.
Master has a lovely set of wrist and ankle cuffs...leather on the outside, and a soft wooly lining! As soon as He puts them on me, my whole head space screams submissive. He put them on me this afternoon, as i was kneeling for Him. After He had reclaimed all of me....paying special attention to my breasts, it was play time! First order of business is an OTK hand birthday spanking. I get as many as my age..and one to grow on. That will be the standard for every "toy" that He uses today.
I get on the bed, on my tummy, arms and legs spread wide, the way Master positions them. He starts me off with a wonderful massage, rubbing and kneading and pushing every single knot and all the tension out. He has such wonderful hands, that are very talented! Master starts the session with the large leather flogger. My absolute favorite spanking toy!
He drags the leather strips up and down my legs, back, arms, all of me. It is the best feeling. Then, He uses the flogger on my back, one stroke for each year of life. The strokes are medium strength, and i am so turning to jello.
Then i feel the sting of Master's single tail whip. He claims to like all of His toys equally, but i think this is His favorite. It is leather, but definately leather with a big sting to it. It always takes me by surpise, and wakens all my senses. My back feels like it is very hot and stingy when He finishes, and He takes the time to rub out some of the sting.
I am actually a little fuzzy as to what comes next. I think it was a paddle that warmed up my bottom to match my back. Then it is the crop, it reaches many places, and i love the feel of it. Then Master says...sunny side up...time for me to roll over on my back. I always hesitate. Being on my tummy allows me to feel somewhat hidden, i guess, on my back, i feel much more open and vulnerable. I have learned to take a deep breath and turn over.
The flogger and the whip are repeated, i find it more difficult to relax, and keep reminding myself to breathe. When He is done Master uses His hand to pull, tug, and pinch my breast. I start to move my hands, but He reminds me to stay in position. After each of the toys, He "checks" to see if i am enjoying myself, after each check He chuckles and says "yup".
He also uses His hand to spank my pussy, which i know i react positively to.
Back on my back, and the flogger makes another appearance, this time Master uses it with much more force. Then Master is sitting on the bed, next to me, using the cane close up. I ouch a little and He says its my fault for having so many birthdays! The large leather strop is next, i think, and i am once again melting at the feel of the leather.
Back on my back, Master's fingers are roaming and teasing. He decides to fill me with His hand, a mixture of pain , then pleasure. He is patient and consistent, and i do my best to stay relaxed. I feel Him filling me, owning me, being a part of me. I hear Him telling me to cum for Him, and i obey, not sure how many times. He withdraws his hand and stimulates me with His fingers, making me cum until the tears are falling, and i am once again crying. The walls have fallen, the layers stripped away, and he is there to reassure me.
He crawls in to me, telling me to find my "safe" place....burried into his furry, fuzzsy chest, i go to Him and nuzzle into His chest, and we both just relax and enjoy being in the moment. Eventually we chat about our time together. I tell Him, He has taken me to places i never thought i would get to, and some places i never even imagined. How lucky i am....and He reminds me, as He always does, that He is also lucky. I have worked hard to become open to Him, to not let the layers and walls that i built separate us, to destroy them, to let go and let Him in.
After some more quiet time, Master says it is time for my last spanking. He tells me to get up, hands on the bed, bottom up and out. I am puzzled, but i do. Then i feel the distinct coolness of a fairly large paddle. I don't say anything but get myself ready. He lands the first smack and it HURTS! I say a loud ouch, but stay in position. Then Master says, that was your one to grow on, we are done, as He is laughing. I am not sure if i should hug or hit Him, but the hug wins out.
It was a wonderful way to spend my birthday afternoon. Having more birthdays, is not necessarily all about getting older!
abby
The best part of today was this afternoon. I have been spanked more this past year than any other. Many of them are fairly quick events, and it has been a while since Master and i both had the time to just take an afternoon and play, snuggle, and enjoy each other. Master text me this morning to say this afternoon was our time.
Master has a lovely set of wrist and ankle cuffs...leather on the outside, and a soft wooly lining! As soon as He puts them on me, my whole head space screams submissive. He put them on me this afternoon, as i was kneeling for Him. After He had reclaimed all of me....paying special attention to my breasts, it was play time! First order of business is an OTK hand birthday spanking. I get as many as my age..and one to grow on. That will be the standard for every "toy" that He uses today.
I get on the bed, on my tummy, arms and legs spread wide, the way Master positions them. He starts me off with a wonderful massage, rubbing and kneading and pushing every single knot and all the tension out. He has such wonderful hands, that are very talented! Master starts the session with the large leather flogger. My absolute favorite spanking toy!
He drags the leather strips up and down my legs, back, arms, all of me. It is the best feeling. Then, He uses the flogger on my back, one stroke for each year of life. The strokes are medium strength, and i am so turning to jello.
Then i feel the sting of Master's single tail whip. He claims to like all of His toys equally, but i think this is His favorite. It is leather, but definately leather with a big sting to it. It always takes me by surpise, and wakens all my senses. My back feels like it is very hot and stingy when He finishes, and He takes the time to rub out some of the sting.
I am actually a little fuzzy as to what comes next. I think it was a paddle that warmed up my bottom to match my back. Then it is the crop, it reaches many places, and i love the feel of it. Then Master says...sunny side up...time for me to roll over on my back. I always hesitate. Being on my tummy allows me to feel somewhat hidden, i guess, on my back, i feel much more open and vulnerable. I have learned to take a deep breath and turn over.
The flogger and the whip are repeated, i find it more difficult to relax, and keep reminding myself to breathe. When He is done Master uses His hand to pull, tug, and pinch my breast. I start to move my hands, but He reminds me to stay in position. After each of the toys, He "checks" to see if i am enjoying myself, after each check He chuckles and says "yup".
He also uses His hand to spank my pussy, which i know i react positively to.
Back on my back, and the flogger makes another appearance, this time Master uses it with much more force. Then Master is sitting on the bed, next to me, using the cane close up. I ouch a little and He says its my fault for having so many birthdays! The large leather strop is next, i think, and i am once again melting at the feel of the leather.
Back on my back, Master's fingers are roaming and teasing. He decides to fill me with His hand, a mixture of pain , then pleasure. He is patient and consistent, and i do my best to stay relaxed. I feel Him filling me, owning me, being a part of me. I hear Him telling me to cum for Him, and i obey, not sure how many times. He withdraws his hand and stimulates me with His fingers, making me cum until the tears are falling, and i am once again crying. The walls have fallen, the layers stripped away, and he is there to reassure me.
He crawls in to me, telling me to find my "safe" place....burried into his furry, fuzzsy chest, i go to Him and nuzzle into His chest, and we both just relax and enjoy being in the moment. Eventually we chat about our time together. I tell Him, He has taken me to places i never thought i would get to, and some places i never even imagined. How lucky i am....and He reminds me, as He always does, that He is also lucky. I have worked hard to become open to Him, to not let the layers and walls that i built separate us, to destroy them, to let go and let Him in.
After some more quiet time, Master says it is time for my last spanking. He tells me to get up, hands on the bed, bottom up and out. I am puzzled, but i do. Then i feel the distinct coolness of a fairly large paddle. I don't say anything but get myself ready. He lands the first smack and it HURTS! I say a loud ouch, but stay in position. Then Master says, that was your one to grow on, we are done, as He is laughing. I am not sure if i should hug or hit Him, but the hug wins out.
It was a wonderful way to spend my birthday afternoon. Having more birthdays, is not necessarily all about getting older!
abby
Thursday, December 23, 2010
there's been a dusting!
Master and i had a special, lovely morning.
After we greeted each other, and chatted a bit, i noticed that all of my favorite "toys" were layed out....just waiting. Leather flogger, horse hair flogger, crop, whip (more Master's favorite than mine), leather and more leather!!
After some kneeling and focusing time, it was over His knee for a hand warm up. My bottom is still tender from Wednesday's session, but with rubbing and massaging, it was wonderful. Then on my tummy, for a wonderfully relaxing body massage..Master has such magical hands. Horse hair flogger came first. It is one of Master's newest toys, and i love it! It is stingy, in a very good way...and when He drags it over parts of my body, i turn to jello! It also is small enough to reach all over...every nook and cranny! More rubbing, then the leather flogger, starts off lightly and increases in intensity. I can feel whatever tension is still in my body being pushed out, and can breathe deeply and freely again.
After more rubbing i feel the deep sting of the whip. It has taken me a while to get used to the sensation of Master's whip. After the sting comes a burning sensation which i have learned to breathe through. The cool feel of Master's hands rubbing the sting and burn away is heavenly. Finally the crop, which He uses all over, up my legs, arms, bottom back, going quickly , slowly, keeping me guessing and alert to any possibility. More rubbing, and a "check" to see how much i am enjoying my Christmas spanking....no matter how much i may protest, one part of me always gives me away...i am getting very "wet".
"Time for me to give the same treatment to the front side...over you go."
I always dread those words, even after all this time, rolling over seems like opening myself up, no hiding, and it is not my best side. But over i go, hands behing my head and take a deep breath. The same toys are used on my front, the horse hair and leaather flogger, being the only ones i would ever request. My hands start to move, when He is targeting my breast, they have always been very sensitive, but i am reminded to put them back. Master does not spend as much time on my front, thankfully.
Master starts in again with the massaging and rubbing, working His way down to check my wetness. I am more than ready, and am soon moaning and arching, wanting more and trying to remember to breathe. I hear Master's voice telling me to cum for Him, as He is bringing me to the edge. I do cum, more than once, and then one very explosive orgasm.
Then, something very surprising happens. I start to sob, not just a few tears, but i am sobbing. I have had some pretty hard paddlings, and had tears in my eyes, but in all the time i have been with Master...i have never just let go and really sobbed. If i could have stopped myself i would have, but there was no stopping me. Master immediately tucked me into my "safe" spot, inside His furry chest and held me tightly, and was comforting me with words, although i have no recall of what He was saying.
When i finally stopped crying, i apologized and He wanted to know for what...Master has often encouraged me to cry during a hard seesion, or when i was stressed, crying is just not my style. I cry when i am alone, but not usually in front of people. Master said those were wonderful cries of joy and release, and letting go, and He welcomed them.
I have been thinking the last few days that one of my goals for next year would be to be more open with Master, to try and tear down more of those walls. It seems i have started early. I told Master this afternoon, i have never felt so submissive and owned and secure....a great way to go into Christmas celebrations and the new year!
I am leaving tomorrow to celebrate with my children and granddaughters, and on Monday with mom, my brothers, sister and nieces and nephews....we all plan on spending time with dad also. I wish you all a holiday that is what you wish for, that creates wonderful memories, and leaves you with some of the magic of the season!
hugs, abby
After we greeted each other, and chatted a bit, i noticed that all of my favorite "toys" were layed out....just waiting. Leather flogger, horse hair flogger, crop, whip (more Master's favorite than mine), leather and more leather!!
After some kneeling and focusing time, it was over His knee for a hand warm up. My bottom is still tender from Wednesday's session, but with rubbing and massaging, it was wonderful. Then on my tummy, for a wonderfully relaxing body massage..Master has such magical hands. Horse hair flogger came first. It is one of Master's newest toys, and i love it! It is stingy, in a very good way...and when He drags it over parts of my body, i turn to jello! It also is small enough to reach all over...every nook and cranny! More rubbing, then the leather flogger, starts off lightly and increases in intensity. I can feel whatever tension is still in my body being pushed out, and can breathe deeply and freely again.
After more rubbing i feel the deep sting of the whip. It has taken me a while to get used to the sensation of Master's whip. After the sting comes a burning sensation which i have learned to breathe through. The cool feel of Master's hands rubbing the sting and burn away is heavenly. Finally the crop, which He uses all over, up my legs, arms, bottom back, going quickly , slowly, keeping me guessing and alert to any possibility. More rubbing, and a "check" to see how much i am enjoying my Christmas spanking....no matter how much i may protest, one part of me always gives me away...i am getting very "wet".
"Time for me to give the same treatment to the front side...over you go."
I always dread those words, even after all this time, rolling over seems like opening myself up, no hiding, and it is not my best side. But over i go, hands behing my head and take a deep breath. The same toys are used on my front, the horse hair and leaather flogger, being the only ones i would ever request. My hands start to move, when He is targeting my breast, they have always been very sensitive, but i am reminded to put them back. Master does not spend as much time on my front, thankfully.
Master starts in again with the massaging and rubbing, working His way down to check my wetness. I am more than ready, and am soon moaning and arching, wanting more and trying to remember to breathe. I hear Master's voice telling me to cum for Him, as He is bringing me to the edge. I do cum, more than once, and then one very explosive orgasm.
Then, something very surprising happens. I start to sob, not just a few tears, but i am sobbing. I have had some pretty hard paddlings, and had tears in my eyes, but in all the time i have been with Master...i have never just let go and really sobbed. If i could have stopped myself i would have, but there was no stopping me. Master immediately tucked me into my "safe" spot, inside His furry chest and held me tightly, and was comforting me with words, although i have no recall of what He was saying.
When i finally stopped crying, i apologized and He wanted to know for what...Master has often encouraged me to cry during a hard seesion, or when i was stressed, crying is just not my style. I cry when i am alone, but not usually in front of people. Master said those were wonderful cries of joy and release, and letting go, and He welcomed them.
I have been thinking the last few days that one of my goals for next year would be to be more open with Master, to try and tear down more of those walls. It seems i have started early. I told Master this afternoon, i have never felt so submissive and owned and secure....a great way to go into Christmas celebrations and the new year!
I am leaving tomorrow to celebrate with my children and granddaughters, and on Monday with mom, my brothers, sister and nieces and nephews....we all plan on spending time with dad also. I wish you all a holiday that is what you wish for, that creates wonderful memories, and leaves you with some of the magic of the season!
hugs, abby
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