The title was suggested by Master, since I hate thinking up titles, I am going with it...it does seem to fit.
This has been one of those weeks when life takes over and patience is needed. I have never...still don't...do patience well.
Over the weekend, I included a note in one of my daily reports to Master. I knew I had been barely staying where I should with the weight, and although maintenance is helpful, I had been feeling that I needed more...something more intense. So I asked Master if He could rev up maintenance, for just this week. I knew I should ask in person, and would, but the note was like practicing.
My report on Monday was a 1 pound gain. Yes it was my birthday weekend, but Master had made it clear that was not to be used as an excuse for a gain. I have not gone over my limit in a while, and knew this would be excused, and I was worried about a "basement" visit...where there are no good memories or sessions. Master's project at work went a little crazy and He had to put in extra time, we did not get to settle the gain.
On Tuesday, I took a friend for a chemo treatment, it was supposed to take about 5 hours, I ended up being gone for about 10 hours, and got home totally exhausted.
Today was our first opportunity to get together. I was worried about what He had planned, but also had reached the point where, I just wanted it taken care of. After hugs and some chatting, Master told me to get naked and kneeling. I immediately let out a breath of relief, we probably would not be heading to the basement. As Master reclaimed me, He let me know that the gain was going to be dealt with, but that He was now more concerned with my exercise...or lack of it. He wants me to tone up, and also the eating part will be easier to deal with if I am burning more calories. I agree, but I hate to exercise...wish I was addicted to it, but no way.
So, Master has decided I am to exercise in some way every day...I think He meant 5 days a week. By exercise He means I need to get sweaty and ucky and in need of a shower...UGH. I can choose what to do, but it needs to be something more than a nice stroll on the bike path. Master is not one to micro manage, although He can. He prefers to set a goal...like with weight loss and let me decide how to reach it...He also provides the incentive:) or :(! He did say He could start expecting me to measure myself weekly and send it a report (no way do I want that to happen), or I could exercise in front of Him ( I know that would not be a happy time), or I can just decide to figure it out on my own. For now I am on my own...
Master then told me to get over His lap. I knew He was being kind, a punishment where I am over His lap...almost unheard of....but so appreciated! He had His green shamrock paddle..it is smallish, but thick. He started in with a fairly long set, letting me know this was His version of a warm up...we do have different definitions of that term. Then He tucked me in, and was spanking hard and fast, for what seemed like forever, with no break. I managed to not move around and keep myself from asking for it to be over.
When Master finally stopped, we chatted a bit about consequences and expectations, and then Master said, time for Maintenance. We need to rev it up a bit? I immediatly replied no, I had changed my mind. He did not buy it, and said He thought it was a good idea. We talked about submission, and pleasing Him, and how I feel when I know He is pleased with me. He said He was going to give me another hard paddling, and when He was done, I would kneel between His legs, look at Him and thank Him....and it needed to be sincere. On top of the first paddling it did not take very long for me to feel like my bottom was on fire. This was another long, hard paddling.
But, I could also feel myself relaxing inside, going to my special submissive place, feeling like my world was being put right. That probably sounds a little crazy, and I am not sure how or why it works, but it does.
When He stopped paddling I immediately knelt between His legs. He reminded me to look at Him, and I sincerely thanked Him...and did truly mean it.
We chatted a bit, about being ready to add to my submission, and if I thought my plate was full. He also let me know that He expects I will do everything He expects, because I want to please Him, that I should not be trying to "get away" with something. I feel I am there...at least most of the time. He then told me to get up and get His large paddle out of His bag. I found it, and nicely handed it to Him.
He had me go back over His lap, and said He would be using it more often. I groaned, and He decided to let me know how it felt. He gave me 5 hard ones, and asked how they compared with the early ones...this is a larger and heavier paddle...the burn on my bottom was re-awakened and intensified.
He then decided to check if any part of me had enjoyed His paddling. He found me to be wet and swollen, so of course, He let His fingers rub and poke and pull...and soon had me squirming and panting. He chose then to remind me that this was punishment...no permissions granted. I groaned...
So being the generous Master, He offered me deal. I could earn a permission by asking Him for 5 more hard ones with the large paddle. As I considered it, He continued to use His finger and hands to keep me "on edge". It did not take me long to realize I needed to accept His terms, and agreed. He wanted me to ask very nicely, and keep count and thank Him after each one. They were even harder than the previous ones, but I had earned my permission...or 2...or 3. He chuckled and said He should have upped the ante, and made the permission worth more than just 5 more.
After some quiet cuddle time, our time was over. Master had indeed upped the ante...the exercise ante, the maintenance ante, and the expectation ante....if we were playing poker, it would be my turn to meet the bet.
hugs, abby
Showing posts with label paddling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label paddling. Show all posts
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
finally...settled
I have been unsettled all week. I started to post a couple times, but just could not decide what to say, how to say it, why I was feeling this way. I think it was a combination of a lot of things....
Master has been extremely busy...(He takes on too much, but that is Him, and how He always will be)....and had to be out of town for a couple days for work. I had plans to be away with a friend for some gambling, and it just has been one of those times when vanilla life really interferes with D/s. I have felt so unsettled and uneasy, I was pleased when Master returned early today, so we could have some time.
I knew He was not happy with me. One of my rules, in fact my very first rule, was to send a daily report. I will admit, they have been a little haphazard lately, but nothing was said....and I did not send one at all for the past 4 days. I did get an email asking if I had broken my hands. So I was not sure what Master had planned.
We started with hugs and catching up with any news. I was then told to get naked and kneeling, He sat on the sofa in front of me. He asked where my head has been....I said I have been a little unsettled. He said ...rebellious might be a better word. I have never considered myself rebellious, and was shocked. I tried to explain about hormones and voices and....Of course He was not buying it. We talked a little more about if I was testing, I wasn't. I know what happens when I test Him, I learned that lesson the hard way a long time ago.
I was told to get over His lap. I was relieved to be in that position, I could feel the coolness of wood. He asked if I was surprised to be in this position, I admitted that I was relieved and happy to be over His lap, even with Him holding a paddle. He then started in with it, I said I was also hoping for a warm up..He said this was it. I got a couple rounds with the paddle, then we chatted some more. He said I had been disobedient, and I could not argue. The word shocked me, and I realized I had been...with no good excuse. I immediately was ashamed and felt the tears. Master tucked me in and said 12 more hard ones, and we are done with this punishment. When He finished we talked some more, about how displeasing Him makes me feel, and that we are pass any testing or disobedience over such a long standing rule. He makes the rules He decides if they are no longer needed.
As we were chatting His fingers were roaming and rubbing and getting me very wet. Master then asked if I had kept up with my exercise over this past week. Silence....then a quiet...not quite. How many days did I miss....2. He picked up the paddle and gave me 10 more hard ones for the first day, and 20 more for the second day....He reminded me the rule is at least 30 minutes 5 days a week.
Master then went back to letting His hands get me panting and squirming....I was shaking with need before He finally gave me permissions to cum. He told me that neither of these spankings count as maintenance, we will get to that tomorrow. I am leaving on Thursday to go see my 3 year old grandaughter and her 7 month old brother for a long weekend.
Master then had me kneel and think about what we had discussed while He worked on finishing a small project. I was told to clear my mind of anything else. I did and found myself relaxing and being settled.
I am His submissive, this journey with Master has been so much more than I ever dreamed possible. Disappointing Him is what unsettles me....After I helped Him with a small project..and got my first lesson in electrical work....we hugged...and I told Him I was very sorry. He told me I was forgiven, it was done, we are back on track.
hugs abby
Master has been extremely busy...(He takes on too much, but that is Him, and how He always will be)....and had to be out of town for a couple days for work. I had plans to be away with a friend for some gambling, and it just has been one of those times when vanilla life really interferes with D/s. I have felt so unsettled and uneasy, I was pleased when Master returned early today, so we could have some time.
I knew He was not happy with me. One of my rules, in fact my very first rule, was to send a daily report. I will admit, they have been a little haphazard lately, but nothing was said....and I did not send one at all for the past 4 days. I did get an email asking if I had broken my hands. So I was not sure what Master had planned.
We started with hugs and catching up with any news. I was then told to get naked and kneeling, He sat on the sofa in front of me. He asked where my head has been....I said I have been a little unsettled. He said ...rebellious might be a better word. I have never considered myself rebellious, and was shocked. I tried to explain about hormones and voices and....Of course He was not buying it. We talked a little more about if I was testing, I wasn't. I know what happens when I test Him, I learned that lesson the hard way a long time ago.
I was told to get over His lap. I was relieved to be in that position, I could feel the coolness of wood. He asked if I was surprised to be in this position, I admitted that I was relieved and happy to be over His lap, even with Him holding a paddle. He then started in with it, I said I was also hoping for a warm up..He said this was it. I got a couple rounds with the paddle, then we chatted some more. He said I had been disobedient, and I could not argue. The word shocked me, and I realized I had been...with no good excuse. I immediately was ashamed and felt the tears. Master tucked me in and said 12 more hard ones, and we are done with this punishment. When He finished we talked some more, about how displeasing Him makes me feel, and that we are pass any testing or disobedience over such a long standing rule. He makes the rules He decides if they are no longer needed.
As we were chatting His fingers were roaming and rubbing and getting me very wet. Master then asked if I had kept up with my exercise over this past week. Silence....then a quiet...not quite. How many days did I miss....2. He picked up the paddle and gave me 10 more hard ones for the first day, and 20 more for the second day....He reminded me the rule is at least 30 minutes 5 days a week.
Master then went back to letting His hands get me panting and squirming....I was shaking with need before He finally gave me permissions to cum. He told me that neither of these spankings count as maintenance, we will get to that tomorrow. I am leaving on Thursday to go see my 3 year old grandaughter and her 7 month old brother for a long weekend.
Master then had me kneel and think about what we had discussed while He worked on finishing a small project. I was told to clear my mind of anything else. I did and found myself relaxing and being settled.
I am His submissive, this journey with Master has been so much more than I ever dreamed possible. Disappointing Him is what unsettles me....After I helped Him with a small project..and got my first lesson in electrical work....we hugged...and I told Him I was very sorry. He told me I was forgiven, it was done, we are back on track.
hugs abby
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I may be having a change of heart.....
My weigh in on Monday was...stay the same. Not bad for a weekend and not a gain. I was pleased, Master was satisfied...barely.
When we talked Monday I asked if we could return to M&M day...maintenance Monday. He said certainly. (I did it, I asked, and I got maintenance scheduled...and it was not all that hard.) As usual, we started with some kneeling time, or as Master calls it...tuning everything but Us out time. It was not long before Master was assaulting my nipples, He seems to be especially interested in them lately. Then it was over His knee for a....chat. (LOL)
He started by complementing me that I had not crossed my ankles. I am more aware of trying to not cross them. Then as He was tapping the paddle on my thighs we started to discuss...exercise...or the lack of it lately. I got side tracked over the holidays and just have not been able to talk myself back into the routine. Master has decided to help me with that. As He continued to tap, He started to ask when I would start again...the longer it took for me to answer, the more He tapped. "We" finally decided I was to start today, for at least 30 minutes. ( I did...33 minutes). He said every day, but I am hoping He meant 5 days a week. I will have to check to check on that.
Once that was settled, it was spanking time. He started with a couple sets, of moderately hard spanks with His little paddle. He always asks me why we have maintenance and wants me to voice that it is to remind me of my submission, and to help avert any major punishment. He then says, last round will be slow and hard, He wants each one to set in. He rarely spanks me slowly, it was interesting. He would wait between each swat, rubbing the paddle lifting it, and waiting some more. They were definately much much harder. I was never sure when they were coming, I think as soon as I relaxed a little was His signal...now! It look a while to get all of the last 10 done.
Master then told me to straddle him, facing Him. He laughed and said, I see your wheels turning...what is He up to now? I was given a very long lesson in the pleasures of nipple play....using tongue, mouth, and even teeth. When He finished with one breast, I could feel my wetness, as He started on the second one, He asked if I ever thought I could cum just from breast play...uh..no. By the time He finished I was so ready...so I may be having a change of heart about breast play.
I was then turned around, straddling Him, but facing out....was told to keep my hands behind me, while He brought me to the edge. I did start to move my hands, to maybe help out a little, but was soon told to put them back. By the time I was hearing that I had permission, I was reading to explode...and I did. I was not quiet, but oh....when one is exploding it is hard to be quiet. Master sure knows how to encourage me to keep my good girl streak going...lol.
I want to follow up on PK's blog entry about reading other blogs and commenting. I do not have a blog roll, I have tried, but I am so computer illeterate it never seems to work for me. There are so many wonderful blogs out there, and it seems more every week. I read all types, I think it is interesting to see our differences, but even nicer to see how we are all alike. There are a few that I visit regularly and others that I get to as often as possible. If I hear of a newcomer I try to visit and comment, I know that a welcome is encouraging.
I do read a lot more than I comment. I feel bad that I don't comment on everyone that I read, but there is only so much time. If a topic cathes my eye, if I feel I have something to add, if I have time, I comment. I do reply to all who are kind enough to comment on my blog, it is nice to feel we are conversing.
I do travel...to visit family quite a bit. There are times when I am absent for a couple weeks. During that time I read, but usually do not post or comment.
Thank you all for reading and to those of you that stop to comment thank you twice! I feel I have learned a lot, and met some wonderful cyber friends!
hugs abby
When we talked Monday I asked if we could return to M&M day...maintenance Monday. He said certainly. (I did it, I asked, and I got maintenance scheduled...and it was not all that hard.) As usual, we started with some kneeling time, or as Master calls it...tuning everything but Us out time. It was not long before Master was assaulting my nipples, He seems to be especially interested in them lately. Then it was over His knee for a....chat. (LOL)
He started by complementing me that I had not crossed my ankles. I am more aware of trying to not cross them. Then as He was tapping the paddle on my thighs we started to discuss...exercise...or the lack of it lately. I got side tracked over the holidays and just have not been able to talk myself back into the routine. Master has decided to help me with that. As He continued to tap, He started to ask when I would start again...the longer it took for me to answer, the more He tapped. "We" finally decided I was to start today, for at least 30 minutes. ( I did...33 minutes). He said every day, but I am hoping He meant 5 days a week. I will have to check to check on that.
Once that was settled, it was spanking time. He started with a couple sets, of moderately hard spanks with His little paddle. He always asks me why we have maintenance and wants me to voice that it is to remind me of my submission, and to help avert any major punishment. He then says, last round will be slow and hard, He wants each one to set in. He rarely spanks me slowly, it was interesting. He would wait between each swat, rubbing the paddle lifting it, and waiting some more. They were definately much much harder. I was never sure when they were coming, I think as soon as I relaxed a little was His signal...now! It look a while to get all of the last 10 done.
Master then told me to straddle him, facing Him. He laughed and said, I see your wheels turning...what is He up to now? I was given a very long lesson in the pleasures of nipple play....using tongue, mouth, and even teeth. When He finished with one breast, I could feel my wetness, as He started on the second one, He asked if I ever thought I could cum just from breast play...uh..no. By the time He finished I was so ready...so I may be having a change of heart about breast play.
I was then turned around, straddling Him, but facing out....was told to keep my hands behind me, while He brought me to the edge. I did start to move my hands, to maybe help out a little, but was soon told to put them back. By the time I was hearing that I had permission, I was reading to explode...and I did. I was not quiet, but oh....when one is exploding it is hard to be quiet. Master sure knows how to encourage me to keep my good girl streak going...lol.
I want to follow up on PK's blog entry about reading other blogs and commenting. I do not have a blog roll, I have tried, but I am so computer illeterate it never seems to work for me. There are so many wonderful blogs out there, and it seems more every week. I read all types, I think it is interesting to see our differences, but even nicer to see how we are all alike. There are a few that I visit regularly and others that I get to as often as possible. If I hear of a newcomer I try to visit and comment, I know that a welcome is encouraging.
I do read a lot more than I comment. I feel bad that I don't comment on everyone that I read, but there is only so much time. If a topic cathes my eye, if I feel I have something to add, if I have time, I comment. I do reply to all who are kind enough to comment on my blog, it is nice to feel we are conversing.
I do travel...to visit family quite a bit. There are times when I am absent for a couple weeks. During that time I read, but usually do not post or comment.
Thank you all for reading and to those of you that stop to comment thank you twice! I feel I have learned a lot, and met some wonderful cyber friends!
hugs abby
Sunday, January 22, 2012
a jumble of thoughts
I have been thinking about what to write for 3 days. It's not that I could not think of anything, it's that I have too many thoughts swirling around in my head. I finally decided to just start writing and see where I end up.
Last week was very busy. our MM (maintenance Monday) did not happen until Friday. When we first started maintenance Master decided that I was "in charge" of making it happen every week. It took me a while to accept that, and Master helped by reminding me and asking me the right questions. Although I am never totally comfortable being the one that "makes it happen" I did get used to it. ( Master's reasoning is that I need to learn to ask for what I need....there's another post!) Lately I have been struggling with it. Master has nudged me, and helped. Last week when I mentioned maintenance on Wed. Master replied that mentioning it did not constitute making it happen. I know, in my head, that I am not really in charge when I make maintenance happen...I am doing what Master wants me to do. It is still difficult and I struggle with it.
Back to last Friday, we started with kneeling time, Master paying lots of attention to my breast. I know many of you love breast play. I am getting more used to it, but it takes a lot of concentrating and breathing. Master then had me get over His knee for a wonderful hand warm-up. Before the spanking starts I get a hard slap on a thigh. I look up and say what? He is pointing to my crossed ankles. Last week I was allowed a pillow between them to keep them apart..no more pillow. I quickly uncrossed them, and Master said the count goes up next time. Then I relaxed into a wonderfully long hand spanking.
Master then asked if I wasnted maintenance before or after some more enjoyable activities. Knowing how mellow I am after I chose before. I stood and leaned over the ottoman and felt cool wood on my bottom. After a couple sets, Master tells me to count...quickly...and thank Him after each one and we will be finished with maintenance. I get to 7 before I hesitate, the next three I ask for quickly. Then it is on to more pleasant activities. Master has been using, and having me use the large toy He bought me different ways. It has been interesting, and challenging.
For a long time I have had to do a task for Master. We started with anything I chose, and it could be only a few minutes. some of the things have done include kneeling time, corner time (rarely), written stories, sent Him interesting pictures, and when I am feeling a little lost, laying in bed time.
A while ago Master decided that the "task" was to be at least 5 minutes, and laying in bed....really was not on the approved list...lol..what a surprise. Last week Master started assigning me new tasks...guess He was bored with my repetition. He did not like the word task...thinks it has a negative concept...He tried assignment, but to a long time teacher, that means work. I like to think of it as spending time pleasing my Master.
Over at "Finding Sara"....(sorry I don't know how to link)...there was an interesting discussion this week on the "Dilemna of Need". When I was pondering what to write about, the feeling of neediness was high on my list. I have struggled with it the past couple weeks, and have been trying to decide if the feeling has more to do with want than need. It's an interesting discussion, and once again helped me to realize I am not alone or unique in my various feelings. Many of us seem to have trouble with asking for what we need.
Have a good week all,
hugs,
abby
Last week was very busy. our MM (maintenance Monday) did not happen until Friday. When we first started maintenance Master decided that I was "in charge" of making it happen every week. It took me a while to accept that, and Master helped by reminding me and asking me the right questions. Although I am never totally comfortable being the one that "makes it happen" I did get used to it. ( Master's reasoning is that I need to learn to ask for what I need....there's another post!) Lately I have been struggling with it. Master has nudged me, and helped. Last week when I mentioned maintenance on Wed. Master replied that mentioning it did not constitute making it happen. I know, in my head, that I am not really in charge when I make maintenance happen...I am doing what Master wants me to do. It is still difficult and I struggle with it.
Back to last Friday, we started with kneeling time, Master paying lots of attention to my breast. I know many of you love breast play. I am getting more used to it, but it takes a lot of concentrating and breathing. Master then had me get over His knee for a wonderful hand warm-up. Before the spanking starts I get a hard slap on a thigh. I look up and say what? He is pointing to my crossed ankles. Last week I was allowed a pillow between them to keep them apart..no more pillow. I quickly uncrossed them, and Master said the count goes up next time. Then I relaxed into a wonderfully long hand spanking.
Master then asked if I wasnted maintenance before or after some more enjoyable activities. Knowing how mellow I am after I chose before. I stood and leaned over the ottoman and felt cool wood on my bottom. After a couple sets, Master tells me to count...quickly...and thank Him after each one and we will be finished with maintenance. I get to 7 before I hesitate, the next three I ask for quickly. Then it is on to more pleasant activities. Master has been using, and having me use the large toy He bought me different ways. It has been interesting, and challenging.
For a long time I have had to do a task for Master. We started with anything I chose, and it could be only a few minutes. some of the things have done include kneeling time, corner time (rarely), written stories, sent Him interesting pictures, and when I am feeling a little lost, laying in bed time.
A while ago Master decided that the "task" was to be at least 5 minutes, and laying in bed....really was not on the approved list...lol..what a surprise. Last week Master started assigning me new tasks...guess He was bored with my repetition. He did not like the word task...thinks it has a negative concept...He tried assignment, but to a long time teacher, that means work. I like to think of it as spending time pleasing my Master.
Over at "Finding Sara"....(sorry I don't know how to link)...there was an interesting discussion this week on the "Dilemna of Need". When I was pondering what to write about, the feeling of neediness was high on my list. I have struggled with it the past couple weeks, and have been trying to decide if the feeling has more to do with want than need. It's an interesting discussion, and once again helped me to realize I am not alone or unique in my various feelings. Many of us seem to have trouble with asking for what we need.
Have a good week all,
hugs,
abby
Monday, January 9, 2012
MM's are back
...as in maintenance Mondays!
I lost almost a pound over the weekend, so I am back to my safe, wriggle room. In the past I have not done well with maintaining, but I seem to have learned how to not go crazy and be reasonable. Finally!
Master had mentioned that we needed to get back to early week maintenance, so it was put on the schedule for today. I was a little concerned, my bottom was still tender this morning, not sore, but tender to the touch and occasionally when sitting. I cannot remember the last time I could still feel a spanking 3 days later....the tenderness is a kind of nice reminder, I will admit.
Our meeting started with some naked kneeling time. Master was concentrating on my breasts, and they also seemed extra sensative. He persisted, finally announcing that His goal this year would be to increase the amount of 'breast torture'...hmm certainly not one of my goals. Maybe learning to enjoy it more, should be, though.
Master then told me to lean over the ottoman, bottom out, legs spread. I hesitated, for only a bit. I was not being hesitant or rebellious, I was just givng myself a little pep talk. "No hesitation", I hear, "in position". One of my goals this year will be to not have to give myself a little pep talk. Not think about it, just do it.
As always, Master asks why we have maintenance and reminds me that He considers it a deterrant. I feel a large cold piece of wood, groan inwardly. He is rubbing my bottom and realizes I am still a little sore from Friday, this will be short, but not easy. He tells me to count and thank him after each one...not one of my favorite things to hear. He starts in hard, I get the words out after the first one, I wait a little too long after the second and am told to not hesitate. He wants quick strokes, which makes it harder for me. After 5, He stops a bit, to talk about maintenance then asks where we are up to...I remembered 6. After the 6th one He asks how many more do I expect, I reply 4 more, He chuckles and says you think you know me well. I think quietly, please let me be right.
The 7th one is unexpected, and I get out of position. "That one does not count, you know better, I expect you to stay in the position I put you it".
I get back and we are finally at 10...and He says the end. He is rubbing ans asking if I think it was enough...I am positive you can all guess my asnwer.
I am then invited over His lap, for some other fun activities. I am so ready, it does not take me long to be waiting to hear...cum for your Master, again, and again. Some snuggling and feeling safe time, some chattting , and I am back to kneeling. Master comments that since it is a new year, maybe we should add a rule or task to my submission. I am anxious to hear what He is thinking.
Hugs, abby
I lost almost a pound over the weekend, so I am back to my safe, wriggle room. In the past I have not done well with maintaining, but I seem to have learned how to not go crazy and be reasonable. Finally!
Master had mentioned that we needed to get back to early week maintenance, so it was put on the schedule for today. I was a little concerned, my bottom was still tender this morning, not sore, but tender to the touch and occasionally when sitting. I cannot remember the last time I could still feel a spanking 3 days later....the tenderness is a kind of nice reminder, I will admit.
Our meeting started with some naked kneeling time. Master was concentrating on my breasts, and they also seemed extra sensative. He persisted, finally announcing that His goal this year would be to increase the amount of 'breast torture'...hmm certainly not one of my goals. Maybe learning to enjoy it more, should be, though.
Master then told me to lean over the ottoman, bottom out, legs spread. I hesitated, for only a bit. I was not being hesitant or rebellious, I was just givng myself a little pep talk. "No hesitation", I hear, "in position". One of my goals this year will be to not have to give myself a little pep talk. Not think about it, just do it.
As always, Master asks why we have maintenance and reminds me that He considers it a deterrant. I feel a large cold piece of wood, groan inwardly. He is rubbing my bottom and realizes I am still a little sore from Friday, this will be short, but not easy. He tells me to count and thank him after each one...not one of my favorite things to hear. He starts in hard, I get the words out after the first one, I wait a little too long after the second and am told to not hesitate. He wants quick strokes, which makes it harder for me. After 5, He stops a bit, to talk about maintenance then asks where we are up to...I remembered 6. After the 6th one He asks how many more do I expect, I reply 4 more, He chuckles and says you think you know me well. I think quietly, please let me be right.
The 7th one is unexpected, and I get out of position. "That one does not count, you know better, I expect you to stay in the position I put you it".
I get back and we are finally at 10...and He says the end. He is rubbing ans asking if I think it was enough...I am positive you can all guess my asnwer.
I am then invited over His lap, for some other fun activities. I am so ready, it does not take me long to be waiting to hear...cum for your Master, again, and again. Some snuggling and feeling safe time, some chattting , and I am back to kneeling. Master comments that since it is a new year, maybe we should add a rule or task to my submission. I am anxious to hear what He is thinking.
Hugs, abby
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Why is it sometimes so hard?
I finally slept well last night and woke up feeling much better this morning. I was pleased and somewhat unsettled. I have been away for a couple weeks, and then sick, and even before I left I was feeling very unsettled...for no particular reason just a general feeling. I kept trying to reach "me", the "me" that Master helped me to find, the "me" that usually keeps me sane, the "me" that has become a more open, trusting, sexual person...but that "me" seemed to be pretty elusive.
So I left, feeling a little lost before I left. No, I did not mention my feelings to Master, it was the holidays, we were both crazy busy, and I was not really sure why I was feeling so lost.
When I leave Master always reminds me to use my tool box. He is telling me to continue with my routines, to text, to call, to send reports, to ask for permissions, as often as I need to...to prevent any disconnect. On this trip my tool box pretty much remained unopened. We kept in contact with texts, but everything else pretty much went by the wayside. I was missing Him like crazy, and knew I was running away, not toward Him, but my "voices" were in full force, and I just kept going in the wrong direction. I finally convinced myself that Master deserved better ( He does )...and maybe I should just tell Him to find a prettier, skinnier, sexier, better all around submissive. Yeah..I was headed someplace I have not been in a while.
So, I got home, got sick, we talked about the holidays and family.
This morning when I sent my text I told Him to stay warm...it is FREEZING were....His reply was that He would be warming my bottom today.
I got to Master's we hugged, I went to check on His new project. He suggested I go and get naked and kneeling. He did ask what happened to my tool box while I was away. I did get naked and kneeling, but was not in the proper position when He walked in. He stopped, told me to put my hands where they belonged, and waited for the yes Sir....it did come out, but not immediately. He came over to claim my body, and talked quietly and calmly, to get my head back where it belonged, as He put it.
He finally told me to get up and put my hands on the ottoman, and my bottom up and out. He was not punishing me for gaining 1 1/2 pounds, even though that put me 1/2 pound above my wriggle room, but He was going to paddle me for His enjoyment. I felt the cold of wood and I looked up, as I felt the frist smack...it hurt, no warm up, almost 3 weeks since my last spanking, and a large piece of wood. After the 3rd one I moved out of position, was warned that would mean extras and bent back down. I hear Him telling me to relax and accept, I so want to say...hand me the wood and You relax...but I don't.
He continues to paddle, but in sets of 3, with rubbing after each set, I do recoginize this as a concession on His part. I hear 10 harder ones, and I manage to stay in place and breathe through them. He is pleased, after a rub, I am told last set, still harder, and I do get through it. He tells me those last ones were much harder than the first ones that I could not stand still for, I was finally getting my head in the right place.
I was then invited over His lap, for a hand spanking and more rubbing. We chatted a little about His expectations, and I did say to Him, You deserve better. His immediate reply was, then You should be better, because He is staying put. He reminds me it has been close to 10 years, I should be confident that He is hanging around and going no place. He also reassures me that He is pleased with my submission , my weight loss, my service to Him. I am finally relaxing and feeling like I am once again where I belong. We move on to more enjoyable activities, it has been way tooo long between permissions...my fault, I know.
So, as I sit here on a sore bottom, I once again realize how lucky I am. Master, My Master, knows "me" so well. He knows when to control, and when to encourage, when to scold and when to talk softly, and most importantly....how to help me find "me". I am also asking....why do I do this to myself, why do I sometimes make it so hard? Hopefully, I will remember today and not got down that road anytime soon.
hugs, abby
So I left, feeling a little lost before I left. No, I did not mention my feelings to Master, it was the holidays, we were both crazy busy, and I was not really sure why I was feeling so lost.
When I leave Master always reminds me to use my tool box. He is telling me to continue with my routines, to text, to call, to send reports, to ask for permissions, as often as I need to...to prevent any disconnect. On this trip my tool box pretty much remained unopened. We kept in contact with texts, but everything else pretty much went by the wayside. I was missing Him like crazy, and knew I was running away, not toward Him, but my "voices" were in full force, and I just kept going in the wrong direction. I finally convinced myself that Master deserved better ( He does )...and maybe I should just tell Him to find a prettier, skinnier, sexier, better all around submissive. Yeah..I was headed someplace I have not been in a while.
So, I got home, got sick, we talked about the holidays and family.
This morning when I sent my text I told Him to stay warm...it is FREEZING were....His reply was that He would be warming my bottom today.
I got to Master's we hugged, I went to check on His new project. He suggested I go and get naked and kneeling. He did ask what happened to my tool box while I was away. I did get naked and kneeling, but was not in the proper position when He walked in. He stopped, told me to put my hands where they belonged, and waited for the yes Sir....it did come out, but not immediately. He came over to claim my body, and talked quietly and calmly, to get my head back where it belonged, as He put it.
He finally told me to get up and put my hands on the ottoman, and my bottom up and out. He was not punishing me for gaining 1 1/2 pounds, even though that put me 1/2 pound above my wriggle room, but He was going to paddle me for His enjoyment. I felt the cold of wood and I looked up, as I felt the frist smack...it hurt, no warm up, almost 3 weeks since my last spanking, and a large piece of wood. After the 3rd one I moved out of position, was warned that would mean extras and bent back down. I hear Him telling me to relax and accept, I so want to say...hand me the wood and You relax...but I don't.
He continues to paddle, but in sets of 3, with rubbing after each set, I do recoginize this as a concession on His part. I hear 10 harder ones, and I manage to stay in place and breathe through them. He is pleased, after a rub, I am told last set, still harder, and I do get through it. He tells me those last ones were much harder than the first ones that I could not stand still for, I was finally getting my head in the right place.
I was then invited over His lap, for a hand spanking and more rubbing. We chatted a little about His expectations, and I did say to Him, You deserve better. His immediate reply was, then You should be better, because He is staying put. He reminds me it has been close to 10 years, I should be confident that He is hanging around and going no place. He also reassures me that He is pleased with my submission , my weight loss, my service to Him. I am finally relaxing and feeling like I am once again where I belong. We move on to more enjoyable activities, it has been way tooo long between permissions...my fault, I know.
So, as I sit here on a sore bottom, I once again realize how lucky I am. Master, My Master, knows "me" so well. He knows when to control, and when to encourage, when to scold and when to talk softly, and most importantly....how to help me find "me". I am also asking....why do I do this to myself, why do I sometimes make it so hard? Hopefully, I will remember today and not got down that road anytime soon.
hugs, abby
Monday, November 14, 2011
M & M (s)
Sorry, my title is not refering to those tempting little hard coated candies filled with chocolate, peanuts, almonds, peanut butter, or at this time of the year peppermint. Can never eat just one. Today was Maintenance Monday...M & M day.
I returned Master's "Beauty" books today. I had a lag between reading the 2nd and last one, due to having to finish a book for my monthly book club. The third one was my least favorite, but am glad I persisted since I liked the ending.
When we started maintenance Master decreed, I was to be the one to mention it each week, and find a time. Since Master views it as a deterrant to punishment, it never made much sense to me to have it happen at the end of the week. But, I often would not mention it til near the end of the week. I was determined this week to mention it today, Monday.
When I arrived at Master's we started with the kneeling "ritual". He reclaims all of me, I relax, and let myself just be. After I crawled over His lap, Master started with a wonderful hand warm-up. I don't always get one, but I always want one! Master commented that He thought it was the first time we had maintenance on a Monday. I replied,,,,M & M day. He chuckled and said He liked that...we should always have an M & M day, so looks like maintenance will be on Mondays.
Master then decided to search my "meager" bag of toys. I don't have many spanking toys in there, the first one He pulled out was a paddle shaped like a frog. ( I am a frog collector). It is light and stingy, so I said that would work. After about 10 swats Master was asking if I was asleep yet. He reached in and pulled out my short strap, but it is difficult to use OTK. I thought that was it, but he found a spatula. I forgot that was in there. Spatulas can have a big sting. But Master was not liking it, so I had to get up and fetch the plastic paddle. He tucked me in , and proceeded to paddle my bottom for too long a time. it was a hard paddling, one designed to last all week. (so maybe having maintenance at the end of the week, has its advantages).
When the paddling part was done, we moved on to more pleasant activities. Master was rubbing and using His talented fingers to get me wet and wanting. We were chatting, and I finally said, You could concentrate on what your fingers are doing. His reply was, "she" is mine as is all of you, I will play with "her" as long as I want. So I continued to try to breathe, and carry on my part of the conversation. Finally, when I was really struggling, Master revved it up, and I finally hear....cum for your Master. I don't have to be told twice, I was off and soaring.
After I was back, we discussed my diet goal. Master started by telling me that maintenance would still be weekly, even if I am not trying to lose. I lost 1/2 pound over the weekend. Not a gain, but I was hoping to get to the goal by Friday. I need to lose 3 more pounds to do that. I was hoping Master would extend the deadline, I have been trying really hard, at least for the past couple weeks. He is sooooooo stubborn. "Just make it happen", I hate those words. If I do lose the 3, I get a break until after the first of the year, and then I get to decide if I want to continue. Master also added today...that a flogging, blindfold, and rope would be in my near future. That is so unfair, I love those!
When I got home I walked the bike path trying to decide if I could do this...lose the 3 pounds. At first I was mostly thinking He's nuts, He's so stubborn, this is too hard. But by the time I got home, I had decided I had to at least really try, it is only 4 days. So I will be exercising twice a day, drinking lots of water, and watching my intake closely. Wish me luck!
abby
I returned Master's "Beauty" books today. I had a lag between reading the 2nd and last one, due to having to finish a book for my monthly book club. The third one was my least favorite, but am glad I persisted since I liked the ending.
When we started maintenance Master decreed, I was to be the one to mention it each week, and find a time. Since Master views it as a deterrant to punishment, it never made much sense to me to have it happen at the end of the week. But, I often would not mention it til near the end of the week. I was determined this week to mention it today, Monday.
When I arrived at Master's we started with the kneeling "ritual". He reclaims all of me, I relax, and let myself just be. After I crawled over His lap, Master started with a wonderful hand warm-up. I don't always get one, but I always want one! Master commented that He thought it was the first time we had maintenance on a Monday. I replied,,,,M & M day. He chuckled and said He liked that...we should always have an M & M day, so looks like maintenance will be on Mondays.
Master then decided to search my "meager" bag of toys. I don't have many spanking toys in there, the first one He pulled out was a paddle shaped like a frog. ( I am a frog collector). It is light and stingy, so I said that would work. After about 10 swats Master was asking if I was asleep yet. He reached in and pulled out my short strap, but it is difficult to use OTK. I thought that was it, but he found a spatula. I forgot that was in there. Spatulas can have a big sting. But Master was not liking it, so I had to get up and fetch the plastic paddle. He tucked me in , and proceeded to paddle my bottom for too long a time. it was a hard paddling, one designed to last all week. (so maybe having maintenance at the end of the week, has its advantages).
When the paddling part was done, we moved on to more pleasant activities. Master was rubbing and using His talented fingers to get me wet and wanting. We were chatting, and I finally said, You could concentrate on what your fingers are doing. His reply was, "she" is mine as is all of you, I will play with "her" as long as I want. So I continued to try to breathe, and carry on my part of the conversation. Finally, when I was really struggling, Master revved it up, and I finally hear....cum for your Master. I don't have to be told twice, I was off and soaring.
After I was back, we discussed my diet goal. Master started by telling me that maintenance would still be weekly, even if I am not trying to lose. I lost 1/2 pound over the weekend. Not a gain, but I was hoping to get to the goal by Friday. I need to lose 3 more pounds to do that. I was hoping Master would extend the deadline, I have been trying really hard, at least for the past couple weeks. He is sooooooo stubborn. "Just make it happen", I hate those words. If I do lose the 3, I get a break until after the first of the year, and then I get to decide if I want to continue. Master also added today...that a flogging, blindfold, and rope would be in my near future. That is so unfair, I love those!
When I got home I walked the bike path trying to decide if I could do this...lose the 3 pounds. At first I was mostly thinking He's nuts, He's so stubborn, this is too hard. But by the time I got home, I had decided I had to at least really try, it is only 4 days. So I will be exercising twice a day, drinking lots of water, and watching my intake closely. Wish me luck!
abby
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Thanks all.....and Maintenance day
First I would like to thank everyone who stopped in and left a comment on this blog for LOL. There is one delurker, I would really like to send a special thank you too...Master! When I started this blog He offered that I could make it private, it could be a place just for me. I thought and decided I did not want that, I wanted Him to read here...it seemed like a good way to open up more communication. He reads here, and often it spurs a discussion, and He is clear, I can write whetever I feel, it is a safe place. He had never commented, but I was so pleased to read His comment this morning, in fact I read it twice, just to be sure I had read it correctly!
Yesterday was maintenance for this week. Master was in the garage when I arrived. He told me to go in and get ready....be naked and kneeling. I could hear Him working on something, so I did as I was told. When He came in, He covered my eyes and spoke quietly, then started claiming all of me. When He got to my breast, He pulled and pinched, but only a little. Then, I could feel just His fingertips touching them, but as he gently rubbed it was like a lightening bolt, He pulled away and repeated and I could feel the sensations going right through me. It was amazing....maybe I am finally able to relax enough during breast play to enjoy it....maybe.
Then Master showed me what He was working on in the garage. He had found an old wodden pizza paddle, and had sawed it to a more manageable size. I gulped, He laughed. It looked mean. I said...for maintenance. He said it is not heavy and had me hold it, it was light. I was then told to get over the back of the sofa. No warm-up and swats coming fast and hard...not as hard as He could swing, but still not a slow start. I was staying in position, but voicing my pain. Master is found of telling me to stop concentrating the stokes as pain on my bottom, and think of them as going to my clit..and go with them. Most of the time , I want to say...you try that. Master stoppped and rubbed, and started again, more lightly and slowly, with more stops for rubbing. Now I was able to stop concentrating on the pain. After a bit master stopped to roam and feel if I was "enjoying" my spanking...I always start to deny it, but He finds proof that I am.
Master continues with His magic hands, and suddenly asks how many more swats I want. I hate that question...most of the time I want to say none, but I know that is not really an option. I answer 10...He says that is how many it will take for you to cum? I don't know..is my reply. I get the 10, and I am on the edge, but not quite there, so being the kind Master He is...I get some help, and am soon asking for permission.
As I come back to Him, we chat a bit. Master reminds me that my submission is not a weight loss program....my submission continues even after I reach my goal. I knew this, but did need to hear it again. Oh and by the way...that pizza paddle, it cracked in half...LOL...I think that is the second spanking instrument to hit the dust while being used on my bottom.
abby
Yesterday was maintenance for this week. Master was in the garage when I arrived. He told me to go in and get ready....be naked and kneeling. I could hear Him working on something, so I did as I was told. When He came in, He covered my eyes and spoke quietly, then started claiming all of me. When He got to my breast, He pulled and pinched, but only a little. Then, I could feel just His fingertips touching them, but as he gently rubbed it was like a lightening bolt, He pulled away and repeated and I could feel the sensations going right through me. It was amazing....maybe I am finally able to relax enough during breast play to enjoy it....maybe.
Then Master showed me what He was working on in the garage. He had found an old wodden pizza paddle, and had sawed it to a more manageable size. I gulped, He laughed. It looked mean. I said...for maintenance. He said it is not heavy and had me hold it, it was light. I was then told to get over the back of the sofa. No warm-up and swats coming fast and hard...not as hard as He could swing, but still not a slow start. I was staying in position, but voicing my pain. Master is found of telling me to stop concentrating the stokes as pain on my bottom, and think of them as going to my clit..and go with them. Most of the time , I want to say...you try that. Master stoppped and rubbed, and started again, more lightly and slowly, with more stops for rubbing. Now I was able to stop concentrating on the pain. After a bit master stopped to roam and feel if I was "enjoying" my spanking...I always start to deny it, but He finds proof that I am.
Master continues with His magic hands, and suddenly asks how many more swats I want. I hate that question...most of the time I want to say none, but I know that is not really an option. I answer 10...He says that is how many it will take for you to cum? I don't know..is my reply. I get the 10, and I am on the edge, but not quite there, so being the kind Master He is...I get some help, and am soon asking for permission.
As I come back to Him, we chat a bit. Master reminds me that my submission is not a weight loss program....my submission continues even after I reach my goal. I knew this, but did need to hear it again. Oh and by the way...that pizza paddle, it cracked in half...LOL...I think that is the second spanking instrument to hit the dust while being used on my bottom.
abby
Thursday, November 3, 2011
a good bye and a welcome back!
I said good bye to my two little sweethearts. But we had a great time, made lots of memories, and will be seeing them again in a month! On a happier note...Master is back!
I got to welcome Him back in person this afternoon. Foolish me, I had this idea in my head about how it might go...of course Master had a different idea. After a few welcome back hugs, I noticed He was holding a small cane in His hand. We had our re-connecting kneeling time, and Master was very pleased with my control while He mauled, pulled and pinched my breast. Then He told me to get over the end of the sofa...He wanted to add a few stripes to my bottom.
I looked and walked (slowly) over...He told me to relax, it was not punishment. I was thinking, why don't we change places and you can relax..but I only thought it. He did start off lightly, and after a couple sets He stopped to rub. Then I hear, another set of harder ones, luckily, He cannot always read my mind.
I was then told I could go over His lap, for a hand spanking. Now that was more like what I had in mind. He was trying to spank hard enough, to hide the stripes He had just added...how does He think of these things? He then said, He would have to add the stripes again at the end, I looked up at Him, with my " You have to be kidding" look....and He said the look sealed it, more stripes at the end. ARGHH
Master then moved on to rubbing and touching and probing. Just as I was really starting to squirm and get all squishy......
Master then decides since it was Thursday, He should add maintenance to this spanking. My thought had been along the lines, since it was Thursday, maybe we should let it slip this week. I also remarked that His order of how things should happen was a bit off today. He told be to get up and get the paddle He uses for maintenance. It stays on the floor at the end of the sofa. I got up and looked and said I did not see it. "Really ?", He said as He got up....He looked and there it was. Magic! When I was back over His lap, He smacked my bottom a dozen hard ones....for not just picking up the paddle and bringing it over. Then, it was tuck me in, and let the paddle do the talking. Maintenance is meant to be a deterrant, and it hurts!
Master then goes back letting His fingers drive me wild. Just as I was nearing the brink, I hear Master say....repeat....R. is my Master, and I will not cum without His permission...and keep repeating. When I get to the third time, Master focuses in on THAT spot...the one that puts me over the edge...I get the phrase out a third time, but then I want to tell Him to stop, but I don't want Him to stop, I really really want to cum. Not sure what I am saying, but I hear Master ask if I would like to cum for Him....Yes pleaseeee....and it is a wild ride. I used to always be amazed at my orgasms, today was more than amazing... Looking back I find it hard to beleive that all that noise and movement..and...everything else is me. It is the me that Master worked hard to find and let loose...I am so glad He did.
After some cool down and snuggling and hugs, I got up and asked for permission to get dressed. As I walked by the sofa, Master pulled me over the end, and reminded me I had earned a few more stripes....for the "look". There was only one set...more than enough Sir!...and they were fairly light.
It is good to have Him back. I know even when one of us is away, I am still His, and nothing really changes, but it feels different.
Before I left we talked about my weigh in tomorrow and how the diet was going. More on that tomorrow.
abby
I got to welcome Him back in person this afternoon. Foolish me, I had this idea in my head about how it might go...of course Master had a different idea. After a few welcome back hugs, I noticed He was holding a small cane in His hand. We had our re-connecting kneeling time, and Master was very pleased with my control while He mauled, pulled and pinched my breast. Then He told me to get over the end of the sofa...He wanted to add a few stripes to my bottom.
I looked and walked (slowly) over...He told me to relax, it was not punishment. I was thinking, why don't we change places and you can relax..but I only thought it. He did start off lightly, and after a couple sets He stopped to rub. Then I hear, another set of harder ones, luckily, He cannot always read my mind.
I was then told I could go over His lap, for a hand spanking. Now that was more like what I had in mind. He was trying to spank hard enough, to hide the stripes He had just added...how does He think of these things? He then said, He would have to add the stripes again at the end, I looked up at Him, with my " You have to be kidding" look....and He said the look sealed it, more stripes at the end. ARGHH
Master then moved on to rubbing and touching and probing. Just as I was really starting to squirm and get all squishy......
Master then decides since it was Thursday, He should add maintenance to this spanking. My thought had been along the lines, since it was Thursday, maybe we should let it slip this week. I also remarked that His order of how things should happen was a bit off today. He told be to get up and get the paddle He uses for maintenance. It stays on the floor at the end of the sofa. I got up and looked and said I did not see it. "Really ?", He said as He got up....He looked and there it was. Magic! When I was back over His lap, He smacked my bottom a dozen hard ones....for not just picking up the paddle and bringing it over. Then, it was tuck me in, and let the paddle do the talking. Maintenance is meant to be a deterrant, and it hurts!
Master then goes back letting His fingers drive me wild. Just as I was nearing the brink, I hear Master say....repeat....R. is my Master, and I will not cum without His permission...and keep repeating. When I get to the third time, Master focuses in on THAT spot...the one that puts me over the edge...I get the phrase out a third time, but then I want to tell Him to stop, but I don't want Him to stop, I really really want to cum. Not sure what I am saying, but I hear Master ask if I would like to cum for Him....Yes pleaseeee....and it is a wild ride. I used to always be amazed at my orgasms, today was more than amazing... Looking back I find it hard to beleive that all that noise and movement..and...everything else is me. It is the me that Master worked hard to find and let loose...I am so glad He did.
After some cool down and snuggling and hugs, I got up and asked for permission to get dressed. As I walked by the sofa, Master pulled me over the end, and reminded me I had earned a few more stripes....for the "look". There was only one set...more than enough Sir!...and they were fairly light.
It is good to have Him back. I know even when one of us is away, I am still His, and nothing really changes, but it feels different.
Before I left we talked about my weigh in tomorrow and how the diet was going. More on that tomorrow.
abby
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
maintenance, punishment and permissions!
Master and I had plans for yesterday. I asked if we could move maintenance spankings to the beginning of the week, thinking it would be more of a motivator. Just as I was leaving I got a call, canceled until Tuesday. He was disappointed as I was, and part of our conversation went like this..
M...I will be seeing you tomorrow, and we will have Maintenance.
me...I don't think so , I have book club tomorrow
M...(repeating), I will be seeing you tomorrow
me...(repeating), I have book club tomorrow
M...maybe you will be at book club with a sore bottom
me... guess we will see...
I will admit, after we hung up I thought, hmmm, maybe I was a little too "cheeky". Master never...at least so far...says no to a request for a planned club meeting or social event....so I did not think, He would not allow book club.
Today, Master and I met at lunch time. We started with the usual kneeling time, only as He was tugging, pulling and pinching my breasts, He was also pulling my hair, hard. It did take my mind off my breasts, and quickly put me in a very submissive place.
Then it was over His lap. We started with a hand warm-up. Yummy! A little rubbing, some all over spanking, and I was relaxed. He asked if it was enough of a warm-up...and although it never really is....I said it was. I felt the cool wood of a light paddle and took a deep breath. Master was paddling at a steady rate, and heating up my bottom, but I also recoginized it was not the hardest paddling. I crossed my ankles, and Master said to open them, than later crossed them again. He pulled them apart, I apologized and said it was instinct. He said, partly, but it is also not being totally open to me, do not cross them. They ( notice I am blaming my feet), did cross once more, but I quickly spread them on my own. One more thing for me to think about when I am trying to breathe.
Master stopped, and I am thinking, this was a pretty good maintenance.
Then, as the paddle is circling my bottom, He asks....what did you think of out last phone chat? Ut Oh....this might not be good. I ask,,,yesterday's? He says yes, that was the last time. I am stalling, trying to think of a good answer....one that might not set that paddle going again.
I say it was not my best submissive self. He asks why...what did I do that I should not. The respect word comes up, and I am always disappointed in myself when He feels I have been disrespectful...and He is right. He reminds me He does not allow even a little bit of disrespect.
Maintenance will now move on to punishment. The paddle is really flying, and much harder. I am hanging on to my pillow, and determined to stay in place, and accept this punishment. It seems to go on forever, my bottom is on fire. I finally shout out...I am sorry Sir. He says that's a start, and has me tell Him what I am sorry for, and why...and how I will change that behaviour...all the time still really swinging that paddle. finally I hear...Count them!...I hate counting...One Sir, and He is now swinging even harder....I decide to count quickly, and I manage to get to 10...with of course the last one being harder still. He stops, I am trying to catch my breath...
I am sent to fetch the toy that He bought for me, the one that I always insist is too big...and He chuckles. I am ready and soon I am close to needing permission, it is granted and I am off. After a bit, I try to calm, but Master is still navigating the toy, and now has started using the paddle at the same time. I ask for another permission, and even after, I seem to be full of "smalled tremors" as Master put it.
On the diet front, I lost 1/2 pound over the weekend. I was getting discouraged, and wondering if maybe I needed a break. Master....who I swear can read my mind suggested a no carb week. Actually He said, no carbs this week. I am a carboholic, especially at breakfast and lunch. Since the weather has been great, I have been walking a near by bike path, even on the weekend. We discussed how the no carb was going, and I think pretty well. I have a breakfst, a lunch and a dinner out this week, each with a different group of friends, so we will see. I really want a good number on Friday, so hopefully I will make wise choices.
Our amazing weather is about to come to an end...but it has been great!
abby
M...I will be seeing you tomorrow, and we will have Maintenance.
me...I don't think so , I have book club tomorrow
M...(repeating), I will be seeing you tomorrow
me...(repeating), I have book club tomorrow
M...maybe you will be at book club with a sore bottom
me... guess we will see...
I will admit, after we hung up I thought, hmmm, maybe I was a little too "cheeky". Master never...at least so far...says no to a request for a planned club meeting or social event....so I did not think, He would not allow book club.
Today, Master and I met at lunch time. We started with the usual kneeling time, only as He was tugging, pulling and pinching my breasts, He was also pulling my hair, hard. It did take my mind off my breasts, and quickly put me in a very submissive place.
Then it was over His lap. We started with a hand warm-up. Yummy! A little rubbing, some all over spanking, and I was relaxed. He asked if it was enough of a warm-up...and although it never really is....I said it was. I felt the cool wood of a light paddle and took a deep breath. Master was paddling at a steady rate, and heating up my bottom, but I also recoginized it was not the hardest paddling. I crossed my ankles, and Master said to open them, than later crossed them again. He pulled them apart, I apologized and said it was instinct. He said, partly, but it is also not being totally open to me, do not cross them. They ( notice I am blaming my feet), did cross once more, but I quickly spread them on my own. One more thing for me to think about when I am trying to breathe.
Master stopped, and I am thinking, this was a pretty good maintenance.
Then, as the paddle is circling my bottom, He asks....what did you think of out last phone chat? Ut Oh....this might not be good. I ask,,,yesterday's? He says yes, that was the last time. I am stalling, trying to think of a good answer....one that might not set that paddle going again.
I say it was not my best submissive self. He asks why...what did I do that I should not. The respect word comes up, and I am always disappointed in myself when He feels I have been disrespectful...and He is right. He reminds me He does not allow even a little bit of disrespect.
Maintenance will now move on to punishment. The paddle is really flying, and much harder. I am hanging on to my pillow, and determined to stay in place, and accept this punishment. It seems to go on forever, my bottom is on fire. I finally shout out...I am sorry Sir. He says that's a start, and has me tell Him what I am sorry for, and why...and how I will change that behaviour...all the time still really swinging that paddle. finally I hear...Count them!...I hate counting...One Sir, and He is now swinging even harder....I decide to count quickly, and I manage to get to 10...with of course the last one being harder still. He stops, I am trying to catch my breath...
I am sent to fetch the toy that He bought for me, the one that I always insist is too big...and He chuckles. I am ready and soon I am close to needing permission, it is granted and I am off. After a bit, I try to calm, but Master is still navigating the toy, and now has started using the paddle at the same time. I ask for another permission, and even after, I seem to be full of "smalled tremors" as Master put it.
On the diet front, I lost 1/2 pound over the weekend. I was getting discouraged, and wondering if maybe I needed a break. Master....who I swear can read my mind suggested a no carb week. Actually He said, no carbs this week. I am a carboholic, especially at breakfast and lunch. Since the weather has been great, I have been walking a near by bike path, even on the weekend. We discussed how the no carb was going, and I think pretty well. I have a breakfst, a lunch and a dinner out this week, each with a different group of friends, so we will see. I really want a good number on Friday, so hopefully I will make wise choices.
Our amazing weather is about to come to an end...but it has been great!
abby
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Master's version vs. my version
Today was maintenance day for this week. At the end when Master said He would be looking for my blog entry, He mentioned His summary for today...
extended kneeling time...hard paddling...hard fu******! That was His summary. I must say it is accurate, but a little lacking in details.
Maintenance...when I used to dream of maintenance it was of a weekly reconnecting, playful time with leather and rubbing and.....Master's view of maintenance is as a deterrant to punishment, therefore it needs to be a reminder of what will come if I find myself headed to His dreaded basement. Translated...it needs to be felt, and hurt, and make me want to avoid anything that would hurt more. It has worked that way, but I so wish I could convert Him to my idea of maintenance.
Maintenance today started with extended kneeling time for me. Master was working on a remodel project and needed a bit more time...I thought standing around and chatting with Him, was a good idea. But I was told to go undress, kneel, and start focusing. He asked me once if I was keeping good posture...I was. Not sure how long I was kneeling there, but longer than I have kneeled in a while.
Suddenly I feel Master's hands covering my eyes and starting his descent down my body. He always stop at my nipples, to tug, pull and pinch, since that is a sensitive spot for me. Master then helps me get up, and reminds me that maintenance is a deterrant, so it needs to be felt. He tells me to get over the end of the sofa, bottom high, feet off the floor. One of my least favorite positions, feet off the floor always makes it much harder to me to stay in position.
I look up and see Him holding the plastic paddle. This is my first maintenance spanking in over 3 weeks, that paddle HURTS, I am dreading it.
He starts right in, no warm up, going from cheek to cheek. I manage to not stand up, but my legs are kicking up, and Master is putting them back in place reminding me to keep them there. I am struggling almost from the beginning, I am trying to go with the pain, but it seems like it is too much. I start voicing that it hurts, it is too much...
Master stops and leans into my ear and starts to talk slowly and calmly to me. He knows its been 3 weeks and my bottom is feeling it more than usual, but that is maintenance. He wants to avoid punishments, He knows I can do this, reminding me again why we do this type of spanking.
Once I am calmer, He stands and says 12 more on each cheek. Usually knowing how many really helps me to get though the harder spankings, I can say one less..only 11 more...I was a little calmer, but still having trouble keeping still. Finally we were down to 3 more on each cheek and I finally managed to keep myself still.
Master was rubbing, and telling me that I was out of condition, but that He was not spanking as hard as a punishment. Then He asked if I had brought my toys. On Tuesday, Master had said He wanted me to bring my toys along from now on. Master has a large wonderful toy bag, mine is limited, a frog paddle (I collect frogs), a short strap,a blindfold, and some "personal" toys. I said they were in a black bag by the door. Master asked if I was hoping He would forget. I said I almost left them in the car...He chuckled and said....would have been interesting to see you hustle out there and get them. I know better than to challenge Him, so I simply said, I will not forget them.
Master pulled out my newest toy, a gift from Him, a large vibrator/dildo. I argued when we were shopping that a smaller one would be better, but.....So while He is getting me very hot and ready and wet, He wants me to suck on it..."mouth training". After a bit, Master takes it, and uses it to make me cum. Yes, more than once, maybe 3 or 4...who can count at a time like that? Finally I say no more please, and this time He listens and stops, pulls me over to him, so I can snuggle into His chest.
We snuggle for a long time, chatting quietly, just enjoying the haze we are in.
This was more than the every week maintenance, not the maintenance I used to dream of, but in some ways....way better!
abby
extended kneeling time...hard paddling...hard fu******! That was His summary. I must say it is accurate, but a little lacking in details.
Maintenance...when I used to dream of maintenance it was of a weekly reconnecting, playful time with leather and rubbing and.....Master's view of maintenance is as a deterrant to punishment, therefore it needs to be a reminder of what will come if I find myself headed to His dreaded basement. Translated...it needs to be felt, and hurt, and make me want to avoid anything that would hurt more. It has worked that way, but I so wish I could convert Him to my idea of maintenance.
Maintenance today started with extended kneeling time for me. Master was working on a remodel project and needed a bit more time...I thought standing around and chatting with Him, was a good idea. But I was told to go undress, kneel, and start focusing. He asked me once if I was keeping good posture...I was. Not sure how long I was kneeling there, but longer than I have kneeled in a while.
Suddenly I feel Master's hands covering my eyes and starting his descent down my body. He always stop at my nipples, to tug, pull and pinch, since that is a sensitive spot for me. Master then helps me get up, and reminds me that maintenance is a deterrant, so it needs to be felt. He tells me to get over the end of the sofa, bottom high, feet off the floor. One of my least favorite positions, feet off the floor always makes it much harder to me to stay in position.
I look up and see Him holding the plastic paddle. This is my first maintenance spanking in over 3 weeks, that paddle HURTS, I am dreading it.
He starts right in, no warm up, going from cheek to cheek. I manage to not stand up, but my legs are kicking up, and Master is putting them back in place reminding me to keep them there. I am struggling almost from the beginning, I am trying to go with the pain, but it seems like it is too much. I start voicing that it hurts, it is too much...
Master stops and leans into my ear and starts to talk slowly and calmly to me. He knows its been 3 weeks and my bottom is feeling it more than usual, but that is maintenance. He wants to avoid punishments, He knows I can do this, reminding me again why we do this type of spanking.
Once I am calmer, He stands and says 12 more on each cheek. Usually knowing how many really helps me to get though the harder spankings, I can say one less..only 11 more...I was a little calmer, but still having trouble keeping still. Finally we were down to 3 more on each cheek and I finally managed to keep myself still.
Master was rubbing, and telling me that I was out of condition, but that He was not spanking as hard as a punishment. Then He asked if I had brought my toys. On Tuesday, Master had said He wanted me to bring my toys along from now on. Master has a large wonderful toy bag, mine is limited, a frog paddle (I collect frogs), a short strap,a blindfold, and some "personal" toys. I said they were in a black bag by the door. Master asked if I was hoping He would forget. I said I almost left them in the car...He chuckled and said....would have been interesting to see you hustle out there and get them. I know better than to challenge Him, so I simply said, I will not forget them.
Master pulled out my newest toy, a gift from Him, a large vibrator/dildo. I argued when we were shopping that a smaller one would be better, but.....So while He is getting me very hot and ready and wet, He wants me to suck on it..."mouth training". After a bit, Master takes it, and uses it to make me cum. Yes, more than once, maybe 3 or 4...who can count at a time like that? Finally I say no more please, and this time He listens and stops, pulls me over to him, so I can snuggle into His chest.
We snuggle for a long time, chatting quietly, just enjoying the haze we are in.
This was more than the every week maintenance, not the maintenance I used to dream of, but in some ways....way better!
abby
Thursday, August 11, 2011
endless orgasms.....(Master chose this title)
In all fairness...for all of you who are reading just to get the orgasms part, I did not just lay around and cum all day. The orgasm part is a small part of this. This is actually one of those entries that jumps around on a few topics.
I got a call from Master this afternoon asking for my help. One of His projects is putting a new transmission in a car. I said I would be glad to help, but on my way over I was thinking, I know nothing about cars, I can't even drive a standard. But Master had an easy "task" for me, just switching gears, so I was able to help Him out. While we were working on the car, I mentioned that my bottom was still tender from yesterday, kind of a hint that maybe my bottom needed a break. He replied I am sure it is still tender.
One of the many things that has surprised me about Master is how He seems to be able to read my thoughts. He has said to me...I heard you thinking that...(insert my thoughts)...way over from here...and whatever he thinks He heard, is usually what I was thinking. Yes, it is more than a little discerning. For the past few weeks I have been thinking that I need...want...am ready...for more control...for a deeper submission. And although I always advise all of you to talk out your needs/wants with your HOH or Doms, I did not follow my own advice. I felt it might be like "topping from the bottom", and Master has been so darn busy lately, I have held back.
This morning when I was discussing my plans for today with Master, He added more control to my "planning". He actually thought it was something I was doing, but I honestly did not think it was something He expected. Anyway, I now know, and it has been added...Master has grabbed a little more control, without my even having to ask.
When we went in the house for Master to clean up, He told me to get my kneeling pillow.
While I was kneeling for Master, He mentioned my going away. I am leaving tomorrow, and that He expected me to not push Him and my submission way to the back of my head....to not return having taken a "break" from us, which has happened in the past. In order to help me remember He was going to give me a hard paddling. I groaned, my bottom was still tender, and it was not what I expected.
He sat and as I went to get over His lap when I saw that darn lexan slat, I know how much that stings. He started right in, I was struggling, it really stung. After about 20, I said it was enough, Master did stop to rub a bit, but also informed me that he was just beginning, this was meant to be a paddling I would remember while I was away. I think He did 4 sets of 25, each set a little harder. I was ouching and owing very loudly, and squirming, but we got to the end.
Master then checked to see if all that squirming and ouching was real, or if I had enjoyed it a bit. I really did not, but unfortunately there is a part of me, that always contradicts me. Master chuckled as He felt for my wetness. He did ask if I had any orgasms left in me after yesterday. I waited a minute and replied....I think that for Him, my supply is endless...hence the title. Master then reminded me...which He loves to do...that when we were first beginning our journey, I was certain that orgasms were meant for me...for a few reasons. He proved me wrong, then for a long time, I would plead that 1 was enough, I could not have or take anymore. Well, if you have been reading here, you all know how wrong I was there also, and yes I did have a few more leftover for today.
Master then gave me a few extra "rules" for my trip. When we first dicussed it, I said I would be gone for 10 days. That has been expanded by a few days, and Master was not all that thrilled. I need to be back on the 24th in time for Him to spank me, or I will get 100 with His large paddle the next day. I cried fowl and not fair, and things come up, driving is unpredictable, etc.......all to no avail. If I decided to stay a couple extra days,it is 100 per day. No matter how unfair I judged this to be, I was not changing His mind. I also am to cum for Him every day while I am gone....to me this is a big deal. It will be busy and crowded, so I guess I will be taking long showers... I am also to continue with all of the other expected tasks. I know all of this is to help me, but as I sit here it seems like a lot.
I am off tomorrow to Boston and Maine. My children will all be there and my 3 little grand children. We will be introducing my mom to her newest great-grand son, and celebrating a second birthday. It will be crazy busy and crowded, so much fun, and such a blessing. I will try to check up on all of you, but will not be posting, or commenting. My computer time will be very limited...have fun, be good, or at least try, and have a spanking good 10 days!
abby
I got a call from Master this afternoon asking for my help. One of His projects is putting a new transmission in a car. I said I would be glad to help, but on my way over I was thinking, I know nothing about cars, I can't even drive a standard. But Master had an easy "task" for me, just switching gears, so I was able to help Him out. While we were working on the car, I mentioned that my bottom was still tender from yesterday, kind of a hint that maybe my bottom needed a break. He replied I am sure it is still tender.
One of the many things that has surprised me about Master is how He seems to be able to read my thoughts. He has said to me...I heard you thinking that...(insert my thoughts)...way over from here...and whatever he thinks He heard, is usually what I was thinking. Yes, it is more than a little discerning. For the past few weeks I have been thinking that I need...want...am ready...for more control...for a deeper submission. And although I always advise all of you to talk out your needs/wants with your HOH or Doms, I did not follow my own advice. I felt it might be like "topping from the bottom", and Master has been so darn busy lately, I have held back.
This morning when I was discussing my plans for today with Master, He added more control to my "planning". He actually thought it was something I was doing, but I honestly did not think it was something He expected. Anyway, I now know, and it has been added...Master has grabbed a little more control, without my even having to ask.
When we went in the house for Master to clean up, He told me to get my kneeling pillow.
While I was kneeling for Master, He mentioned my going away. I am leaving tomorrow, and that He expected me to not push Him and my submission way to the back of my head....to not return having taken a "break" from us, which has happened in the past. In order to help me remember He was going to give me a hard paddling. I groaned, my bottom was still tender, and it was not what I expected.
He sat and as I went to get over His lap when I saw that darn lexan slat, I know how much that stings. He started right in, I was struggling, it really stung. After about 20, I said it was enough, Master did stop to rub a bit, but also informed me that he was just beginning, this was meant to be a paddling I would remember while I was away. I think He did 4 sets of 25, each set a little harder. I was ouching and owing very loudly, and squirming, but we got to the end.
Master then checked to see if all that squirming and ouching was real, or if I had enjoyed it a bit. I really did not, but unfortunately there is a part of me, that always contradicts me. Master chuckled as He felt for my wetness. He did ask if I had any orgasms left in me after yesterday. I waited a minute and replied....I think that for Him, my supply is endless...hence the title. Master then reminded me...which He loves to do...that when we were first beginning our journey, I was certain that orgasms were meant for me...for a few reasons. He proved me wrong, then for a long time, I would plead that 1 was enough, I could not have or take anymore. Well, if you have been reading here, you all know how wrong I was there also, and yes I did have a few more leftover for today.
Master then gave me a few extra "rules" for my trip. When we first dicussed it, I said I would be gone for 10 days. That has been expanded by a few days, and Master was not all that thrilled. I need to be back on the 24th in time for Him to spank me, or I will get 100 with His large paddle the next day. I cried fowl and not fair, and things come up, driving is unpredictable, etc.......all to no avail. If I decided to stay a couple extra days,it is 100 per day. No matter how unfair I judged this to be, I was not changing His mind. I also am to cum for Him every day while I am gone....to me this is a big deal. It will be busy and crowded, so I guess I will be taking long showers... I am also to continue with all of the other expected tasks. I know all of this is to help me, but as I sit here it seems like a lot.
I am off tomorrow to Boston and Maine. My children will all be there and my 3 little grand children. We will be introducing my mom to her newest great-grand son, and celebrating a second birthday. It will be crazy busy and crowded, so much fun, and such a blessing. I will try to check up on all of you, but will not be posting, or commenting. My computer time will be very limited...have fun, be good, or at least try, and have a spanking good 10 days!
abby
Monday, August 1, 2011
That dreaded basement....
My text message to Master this morning included my weigh in...a gain, but only 1/2 pound. His reply was that He would see me at lunch time. I was thinking that maybe he wanted to get maintenance in early this week, or maybe just some fun time to start the week. Boy was I ever WRONG!
I am rarely surprised by a punishment. Master's rules and consequences are clear, and I rarely resist, He expects me to accept them, since I have earned them. So when I arrived today, got a quick hug, then He opened the basement door I balked, and started to plead my case. It was only 1/2 pound, if I did not have a digital scale it would have been a stay the same, I certainly had not earned a besement punishment. He wasn't buying it, just kept pointing to the darn basement....do Florida houses have basements???
Once at the bottom of the stairs, Master "explained" that without a digital scale it might have shown a gain of 1 pound, and last week when He granted me a stay the same on the weekend, He also explained He was doubful it would work....my mind set is different when I am trying to stay the same...as opposed to losing.
I was told to bare myself and lean over the chair and stick my bottom out...my head was not in punishment mode at all...and that always makes things worse. I hesitated, but only for an instant and Master started in with the big, heavy paddle ball paddle...He bought it for 1 dollar at a garage sale, I would pay a lot more to have one of you buy it!
I was still a little upset at being punished, and was moving and ouching loudly. Master kept telling me to stick my bottom out, then I did something I rarely do anymore, I stood up. I was up before I realized what I was doing, surprising both myself and Master, Master looked at me and quietly said, back in position that will cost you 5 extra hard ones. He gave me a moment, and I was back on position. He gave me the penalty ones next, then went on with the punishment spanking. Finally I hear, 10 more til the end. I let out a big breath....then He continues you will count them for me. I hate counting, I hate that I have to concentrate one each stroke, and that once I have counted it is like saying go ahead give me another. But I counted, and added a Sir after each number and finished with a Thank You Sir, without being reminded.
I was waitig for permission to get up, when I felt His fingers start to roam. This never happens after a punishment, so I was a little confused, but decided I should just enjoy. Just as I was starting to pant and squirm, I hear....calm down, you are not getting a permission, this is solely for my enjoyment. I slowed my breathing and try to think of anything else but what was happening. Master is finally done, and I get permission to stand.
I stand and absentmindedly pull up my pants...Master notices and gives me the "look". I realize what I have done, apologize and put them back down. He allows me a rub.
We then chat about last week, the lack of maintenance and my plans for this week. One of my rules is I am to ask for permission before going anyplace that I have to drive to...it is not all that restrictive, I practically always get a yes, and a quick response to a text. I have always considered it a reminder that Master is in charge of me...nothing more. He does not like me to ask far in advance, prefers the request to come on the day that I need them. Often I was asking for permission for plans that I had made a few days before. I brought up that I was planning to go out to dinner on Thursday with some friends, He asked about my planning without permission. I replied that was always the case, He wanted me to ask on the day I was going, so I considered it a kind of formality.
Needless to say that has changed. I need to ask for permission before I make the plans, and should not take a yes answer for granted. I got permission for Thursday night, but since I was the one who planned the dinner, I need to call and adjust the time..a litte later or earlier, for not asking before planning. Truthfully I never thought asking after I had made the plans made much sense,except as a reminder that Master is in charge. Master reminded me that I do better when I am sure of His control, and with little wriggle room, since giving me an inch almsot always mean I try for a foot. He wants us to be solid.
After I left I went to mail a package at the Post Office...yes I had permission. There was a line of 25 people..at a small Office! I was mailing a birthday gift that needed to go out today, so I took my place in line. The lady in front of me asked if she had fallen asleep and missed summer and fall, and it was really Christmas..with everyone mailing packages..LOL. As i was standing there I was processing my time with Master. I realized how lucky I am to have someone in my life, a Master even, who cares for me, takes care of me, and wants to be sure that we stay connected and strong. A hot, tender bottom, does not seem like a high price to pay!
abby
I am rarely surprised by a punishment. Master's rules and consequences are clear, and I rarely resist, He expects me to accept them, since I have earned them. So when I arrived today, got a quick hug, then He opened the basement door I balked, and started to plead my case. It was only 1/2 pound, if I did not have a digital scale it would have been a stay the same, I certainly had not earned a besement punishment. He wasn't buying it, just kept pointing to the darn basement....do Florida houses have basements???
Once at the bottom of the stairs, Master "explained" that without a digital scale it might have shown a gain of 1 pound, and last week when He granted me a stay the same on the weekend, He also explained He was doubful it would work....my mind set is different when I am trying to stay the same...as opposed to losing.
I was told to bare myself and lean over the chair and stick my bottom out...my head was not in punishment mode at all...and that always makes things worse. I hesitated, but only for an instant and Master started in with the big, heavy paddle ball paddle...He bought it for 1 dollar at a garage sale, I would pay a lot more to have one of you buy it!
I was still a little upset at being punished, and was moving and ouching loudly. Master kept telling me to stick my bottom out, then I did something I rarely do anymore, I stood up. I was up before I realized what I was doing, surprising both myself and Master, Master looked at me and quietly said, back in position that will cost you 5 extra hard ones. He gave me a moment, and I was back on position. He gave me the penalty ones next, then went on with the punishment spanking. Finally I hear, 10 more til the end. I let out a big breath....then He continues you will count them for me. I hate counting, I hate that I have to concentrate one each stroke, and that once I have counted it is like saying go ahead give me another. But I counted, and added a Sir after each number and finished with a Thank You Sir, without being reminded.
I was waitig for permission to get up, when I felt His fingers start to roam. This never happens after a punishment, so I was a little confused, but decided I should just enjoy. Just as I was starting to pant and squirm, I hear....calm down, you are not getting a permission, this is solely for my enjoyment. I slowed my breathing and try to think of anything else but what was happening. Master is finally done, and I get permission to stand.
I stand and absentmindedly pull up my pants...Master notices and gives me the "look". I realize what I have done, apologize and put them back down. He allows me a rub.
We then chat about last week, the lack of maintenance and my plans for this week. One of my rules is I am to ask for permission before going anyplace that I have to drive to...it is not all that restrictive, I practically always get a yes, and a quick response to a text. I have always considered it a reminder that Master is in charge of me...nothing more. He does not like me to ask far in advance, prefers the request to come on the day that I need them. Often I was asking for permission for plans that I had made a few days before. I brought up that I was planning to go out to dinner on Thursday with some friends, He asked about my planning without permission. I replied that was always the case, He wanted me to ask on the day I was going, so I considered it a kind of formality.
Needless to say that has changed. I need to ask for permission before I make the plans, and should not take a yes answer for granted. I got permission for Thursday night, but since I was the one who planned the dinner, I need to call and adjust the time..a litte later or earlier, for not asking before planning. Truthfully I never thought asking after I had made the plans made much sense,except as a reminder that Master is in charge. Master reminded me that I do better when I am sure of His control, and with little wriggle room, since giving me an inch almsot always mean I try for a foot. He wants us to be solid.
After I left I went to mail a package at the Post Office...yes I had permission. There was a line of 25 people..at a small Office! I was mailing a birthday gift that needed to go out today, so I took my place in line. The lady in front of me asked if she had fallen asleep and missed summer and fall, and it was really Christmas..with everyone mailing packages..LOL. As i was standing there I was processing my time with Master. I realized how lucky I am to have someone in my life, a Master even, who cares for me, takes care of me, and wants to be sure that we stay connected and strong. A hot, tender bottom, does not seem like a high price to pay!
abby
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Maintenance.....birthday
...Today was maintenance day for this week. I had asked Master yesterday for a day, and my choice was today. Usually when i know when, i am calmer, more focused. Today, for some reason i was antsy all day, not for any one particular reason, just more on edge. When i saw Master, His day had not gone well. I suggested we could wait for another day either tomorrow or Friday. But he said no, today is fine. Master views maintenance as a reminder and a deterrant. Today's fell under the deterrant category. He told me to bend over the back of the sofa, one of my least favorite positions and i immediately felt something hard and cold on my bare bottom. With no warm up, He started with stong strokes and it did not take long until i was struggling to stay in place. He put His hand on my back and continued. After a few more i was ouching loudly...this was more that i had expected.
He stopped to rub my bottom and massage my back, asking me why we have maintenance, telling me that to be a deterrant to punishment it had to hurt, i had to remember it. Finally He asked if i was feeling better, i replied for now...He chuckled. Twelve more on each cheek...which meant on the exact same spot. I struggled through the first 12, but did manage to breathe and stay in place. Master always seems to spank harder on one side, and i was hoping the harder said was over with....and it was. The next side was easier to get through, partly because i knew they were the last 12....with the very last one being one to really remember.
We then talked about my being away again next week. Master knows my time with my grand daughters is important to me, and He graciously allows me all the time i need to be away. He said this time, i would have to return having loss weight, not staying the same. I "argued" pointing out why i thought that was impossible. Master was not buying it, since i am already above my goal, i need to get back there. I pleaded some more, and although He did not change His mind, He agreed we could talk about it some more on Friday, after my weigh in.
Birthday...not mine....not Master's....but of maintenance! One year ago tomorrow, I had my first maintenance spanking. There are times in every relationship that are crossroads or turning points, and i consider the start of maintenance to be an important day in my submission to Master.
One year ago today, i was feeling....not all that submissive. For a lot of reasons, i was feeling that Master and i had stopped moving forward, that i was struggling with submission and confused as to why i was struggling, why could i not just be or maintain my submission on my own? No, i did not feel i could discuss this with Master, but on that day i read a blog, that mirrored my feelings, and said it so well. I asked if i could quote the blog in a note to Master. It took me a while to hit the send button, but i sent the note, explaining that this was how i felt.
We met the next day, and Master's first words were....you need maintenance spankings. I immediately denied it, but He said, not it is a great idea. I had often wondered what it would be like to know that you would get spanked every week, not just every second, third or fourth week. I had my first maintenance spanking that week, and Master said they would happen weekly. To be honest i wondered how long the weekly part would last...even though i knew Master was a man of His word and always follows through. So every week for this past year, unless one of us was out of town for the whole week, or my back was out, i have been spanked, at least once. I quickly learned that if i had earned a punishment....it did not replace the maintenance spanking, it was in addition to it, a bit of a surprise.
Maintenance has been good for me, very good.
...Maintenance has helped to quiet the voices that would get into my head, and cause me to doubt, to waver, to get into trouble. Now those voices don't have much of a chance, Master is spanking them away!
...Maintenance has greatly diminished the need for Punishment spankings...the capitol P ones! Master means for them to be a deterrant, and He spanks so they are...i do not need to test or wonder. I can concentrate on pleasing, and that is so much nicer..for both of us , i hope.
...Maintenance has helped me to "relax" into my submission. Not sure i can explain this one, but i feel it has become a real part of me, of the every day me. To worry less about the mechanics , the whens, the ifs, the maybes, just leave those where they belong, in Master's hands.
...Maintenance has also given Master and i more time to talk face to face. Phone conversations, emails and texting are just not the same. We get to share more of our lives, we get to laugh more together, we seem more real life. We were real time Master and submissive, but it somehow did not feel like really part of my every day life, now i know, that i am His, every day, that i am submissive not just when i am getting spanked or whipped or flogged, but i am His submissive all of the time, no matter where i am, or what i am doing.
...All of the above has helped for this past year to be one of many steps forward. After 8 years, i finally cried for Master this year, more than once even! He is not only in my heart, but also in my head, He is my constant companion, mentor, Master.
Finally....THANK YOU Master. You know me better than i know myself. You are willing to give me what i need, You have more than earned my trust, my submission, my love. May this coming year be as good as this past one has been!
a very content abby
He stopped to rub my bottom and massage my back, asking me why we have maintenance, telling me that to be a deterrant to punishment it had to hurt, i had to remember it. Finally He asked if i was feeling better, i replied for now...He chuckled. Twelve more on each cheek...which meant on the exact same spot. I struggled through the first 12, but did manage to breathe and stay in place. Master always seems to spank harder on one side, and i was hoping the harder said was over with....and it was. The next side was easier to get through, partly because i knew they were the last 12....with the very last one being one to really remember.
We then talked about my being away again next week. Master knows my time with my grand daughters is important to me, and He graciously allows me all the time i need to be away. He said this time, i would have to return having loss weight, not staying the same. I "argued" pointing out why i thought that was impossible. Master was not buying it, since i am already above my goal, i need to get back there. I pleaded some more, and although He did not change His mind, He agreed we could talk about it some more on Friday, after my weigh in.
Birthday...not mine....not Master's....but of maintenance! One year ago tomorrow, I had my first maintenance spanking. There are times in every relationship that are crossroads or turning points, and i consider the start of maintenance to be an important day in my submission to Master.
One year ago today, i was feeling....not all that submissive. For a lot of reasons, i was feeling that Master and i had stopped moving forward, that i was struggling with submission and confused as to why i was struggling, why could i not just be or maintain my submission on my own? No, i did not feel i could discuss this with Master, but on that day i read a blog, that mirrored my feelings, and said it so well. I asked if i could quote the blog in a note to Master. It took me a while to hit the send button, but i sent the note, explaining that this was how i felt.
We met the next day, and Master's first words were....you need maintenance spankings. I immediately denied it, but He said, not it is a great idea. I had often wondered what it would be like to know that you would get spanked every week, not just every second, third or fourth week. I had my first maintenance spanking that week, and Master said they would happen weekly. To be honest i wondered how long the weekly part would last...even though i knew Master was a man of His word and always follows through. So every week for this past year, unless one of us was out of town for the whole week, or my back was out, i have been spanked, at least once. I quickly learned that if i had earned a punishment....it did not replace the maintenance spanking, it was in addition to it, a bit of a surprise.
Maintenance has been good for me, very good.
...Maintenance has helped to quiet the voices that would get into my head, and cause me to doubt, to waver, to get into trouble. Now those voices don't have much of a chance, Master is spanking them away!
...Maintenance has greatly diminished the need for Punishment spankings...the capitol P ones! Master means for them to be a deterrant, and He spanks so they are...i do not need to test or wonder. I can concentrate on pleasing, and that is so much nicer..for both of us , i hope.
...Maintenance has helped me to "relax" into my submission. Not sure i can explain this one, but i feel it has become a real part of me, of the every day me. To worry less about the mechanics , the whens, the ifs, the maybes, just leave those where they belong, in Master's hands.
...Maintenance has also given Master and i more time to talk face to face. Phone conversations, emails and texting are just not the same. We get to share more of our lives, we get to laugh more together, we seem more real life. We were real time Master and submissive, but it somehow did not feel like really part of my every day life, now i know, that i am His, every day, that i am submissive not just when i am getting spanked or whipped or flogged, but i am His submissive all of the time, no matter where i am, or what i am doing.
...All of the above has helped for this past year to be one of many steps forward. After 8 years, i finally cried for Master this year, more than once even! He is not only in my heart, but also in my head, He is my constant companion, mentor, Master.
Finally....THANK YOU Master. You know me better than i know myself. You are willing to give me what i need, You have more than earned my trust, my submission, my love. May this coming year be as good as this past one has been!
a very content abby
Monday, April 11, 2011
finally....
I am back from a delightful week with an extremely bright 19 month old...not that i am prejudiced! She is talking up a storm, and being a grandma is soooo much more fun than being a mom!
I did struggle, a bit, with staying on track for Master. In my defense, I did not see Him for 10 days before i left, and then i was gone a week. So it was a long dry stretch. Before i leave i always think i will not miss him as much this time and it will be easier, i think i should just face up to the fact...that will probably never happen. He says missing Him is a good thing, and missing Him more just shows that our connection is strong.
I weighed in and reported today, for the first time in over 2 weeks. I was laid up with my back before i left for Boston, so most of that week, i was just trying not to move too much. So no wii or walking for over 2 weeks, and having a daughter in law who loves to cook...well, it was no surprise,,,i gained 2 1/2. I did not think that that was awful, and i told Master that was sorry and that i knew that i had to get back to my goal weight.
This afternoon, i finally got to see Master. After my welcome back hugs, Master's hugs not just a quick squeeze and let's move on, needless to say, they feel soooo good! Then Master said, naked and kneeling please. I slowly got naked, and got into position. Master pressed my eyes shut with His hands, and told me to focus. Just Him and me, nothing else, just us.
He then massaged me into total relaxation..so He could "attack" my nipples, first one then the other. Then it was up and over His knee.
He started with a long hand spanking, starting off slowly and lightly, gaining speed and strength as He continued. His Hand is hard...but oh so wonderful! He then had this paint stick, to stir the paint , it was fairly long, but very thin. I really liked the quick stings, and as Master noticed He chuckled, and said easy....this is a spanking. He went to my thighs and down my legs a bit...just because He can spank me anyplace he pleases, He said. I mentioned He should not get rid of that stick.
Then came time for a serious paddling. I am actually not sure what he used, some type of wood, from his bathroom project...which is looking awesome. He asked if i knew why He had to paddle me...i answered Yes Sir, and would i accept it...again Yes Sir. But, i then asked, what if i had answered no...i was not ready, would He not paddle me. His reply...I would paddle you harder until you were ready, and then give you the original paddling on top of that, so are you ready....i replied quickly, Yes Sir.
There was no lite or slow start this time, and i did manage to stay in place and breathe through it. I was worried since it had been a while, but the warm up helped, and i did want to be good for Him. He then reminded me, that letting me get away with a gain would only lead me to doubts, and wondering if i could get away with more. He is probably correct about that.
Then came my real welcome, with His fingers reaching between my legs, and finding me very ready, bringing me right to the edge. When he pulled out i groaned, he chuckled. Then i felt that paint stick, and Master saying, lt's see if you can cum while i am spanking you. I honestly did not think so, but He had me well primed and ready, and that paint stick, does give a delicous sting, as Master increased the speed i was in the rhythm with Him, and soon i was going over that edge. Master was very pleased, and He proceeded to bring on a few more orgasms, i am not sure the number...but let's say my "dry spell" was wiped out! One thing that surpises me is how loud i sometimes get, that is just not me. When i told master i was sorry for being so loud, he said He loved the wanton me, it was a wonderful compliment to Him....as long as the neighbors don't start complaining.
So i am back, where i belong. I am ready to get back to that goal weight, and to be the submissive that Master deserves....now if only spring would put in an appearance.
linda
I did struggle, a bit, with staying on track for Master. In my defense, I did not see Him for 10 days before i left, and then i was gone a week. So it was a long dry stretch. Before i leave i always think i will not miss him as much this time and it will be easier, i think i should just face up to the fact...that will probably never happen. He says missing Him is a good thing, and missing Him more just shows that our connection is strong.
I weighed in and reported today, for the first time in over 2 weeks. I was laid up with my back before i left for Boston, so most of that week, i was just trying not to move too much. So no wii or walking for over 2 weeks, and having a daughter in law who loves to cook...well, it was no surprise,,,i gained 2 1/2. I did not think that that was awful, and i told Master that was sorry and that i knew that i had to get back to my goal weight.
This afternoon, i finally got to see Master. After my welcome back hugs, Master's hugs not just a quick squeeze and let's move on, needless to say, they feel soooo good! Then Master said, naked and kneeling please. I slowly got naked, and got into position. Master pressed my eyes shut with His hands, and told me to focus. Just Him and me, nothing else, just us.
He then massaged me into total relaxation..so He could "attack" my nipples, first one then the other. Then it was up and over His knee.
He started with a long hand spanking, starting off slowly and lightly, gaining speed and strength as He continued. His Hand is hard...but oh so wonderful! He then had this paint stick, to stir the paint , it was fairly long, but very thin. I really liked the quick stings, and as Master noticed He chuckled, and said easy....this is a spanking. He went to my thighs and down my legs a bit...just because He can spank me anyplace he pleases, He said. I mentioned He should not get rid of that stick.
Then came time for a serious paddling. I am actually not sure what he used, some type of wood, from his bathroom project...which is looking awesome. He asked if i knew why He had to paddle me...i answered Yes Sir, and would i accept it...again Yes Sir. But, i then asked, what if i had answered no...i was not ready, would He not paddle me. His reply...I would paddle you harder until you were ready, and then give you the original paddling on top of that, so are you ready....i replied quickly, Yes Sir.
There was no lite or slow start this time, and i did manage to stay in place and breathe through it. I was worried since it had been a while, but the warm up helped, and i did want to be good for Him. He then reminded me, that letting me get away with a gain would only lead me to doubts, and wondering if i could get away with more. He is probably correct about that.
Then came my real welcome, with His fingers reaching between my legs, and finding me very ready, bringing me right to the edge. When he pulled out i groaned, he chuckled. Then i felt that paint stick, and Master saying, lt's see if you can cum while i am spanking you. I honestly did not think so, but He had me well primed and ready, and that paint stick, does give a delicous sting, as Master increased the speed i was in the rhythm with Him, and soon i was going over that edge. Master was very pleased, and He proceeded to bring on a few more orgasms, i am not sure the number...but let's say my "dry spell" was wiped out! One thing that surpises me is how loud i sometimes get, that is just not me. When i told master i was sorry for being so loud, he said He loved the wanton me, it was a wonderful compliment to Him....as long as the neighbors don't start complaining.
So i am back, where i belong. I am ready to get back to that goal weight, and to be the submissive that Master deserves....now if only spring would put in an appearance.
linda
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
sore bottom, content heart
I went to bed last night knowing Master was very much not pleased...not the way to get a good night's sleep. I got a text message on my cel this morning (while i was in the shower), to get myself to Him NOW. It took me less than 10 minutes to get myself together.
He always has such a look of disappointment when he greets me for a punishment. We barely chatted, i was wondering what He had in mind. To my relief (short lived as it was), we were not headed for the basement. Basement punishments are the worse. I got to be over his lap, which at least offers a little comfort. He wanted to know what led up to the disastrous phone call. After i explained He reminded me that i go to Him for help with problems, but DO NOT take out my frustrations on Him, in tone or words. I, of course know this, and have been better at it, but those darn "little voices"....which Master intended to banish far away.
It was a no warm up, bare bottomed, hair brush paddling....hard from the start. It only took a quick round to get me squirming and kicking..not good things. At one point He warned me that he would get rope and tie my legs if they kicked high enough to touch His hand again, and that He would add to what i was already going to get. My bottom was on fire, but i did manage to just drum my feet, and not raise them into a kick.
It seemed like He had no intention of stopping. I was ouching and squirming and trying to "scoot" away. He finally said if i did not settle, He would change His target to my thighs...and as much as my bottom was hurting, i knew my thighs would hurt much worse. He was determined i would remember this spanking for a long, long time....it was the hardest he has spanked me in a long while. Finally, after many sorries, and being close to tears, He stops and we chat a little. One of my answers, gets me 6 light taps on my thighs...enough to re-focus me. Finally He says i may get up.
Foolish me, i heaved a sigh of relief....Master then tells me to bend over the back of the sofa, bottom high up in the air. I HATE that position.
He looks at me and reminds me that having Him repeat a request is not a good idea. I get over the back of the sofa, and He is holding a cane. My bottom is so sore, just walking to get in position was no fun. I am over the sofa, feet still on the ground, when i hear the swish, and feel the sting, the burn, the stripe. I do move around a little during the first set, but do not get up. I am then told to get over feet off the ground, bottom way up. If i am good and stay in position, i will only get 12 more. I am not sure i can do it, but i also know, that my bottom is throbbing, and i don't want any more. I do manage to stay in place, and after another 12 He is finished. I am told to stay in place, while He looks at His "handi work".
"Debt paid" He says. We hug and chat a bit. I ask for permission to go to the mall to get one last gift. Yes, is His reply, but i am to walk the whole mall while i am there. He never misses an opportunity to get me to get some exercise in.
This afternoon, driving to the mall was extremely uncomfortable. My bottom is still very sore as i am sitting here...that is unusual for me. But, what i realized as i was walking around the mall.....as sore as my bottom is...the rest of me is at peace. No long battles, no grudges, just contentment. I am not sure how or why that works for me, but i am very glad that i found someone who understands that it does, is consistent in words and deeds, and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep "me" where i am whole, happy and calm. Life is good....
abby
He always has such a look of disappointment when he greets me for a punishment. We barely chatted, i was wondering what He had in mind. To my relief (short lived as it was), we were not headed for the basement. Basement punishments are the worse. I got to be over his lap, which at least offers a little comfort. He wanted to know what led up to the disastrous phone call. After i explained He reminded me that i go to Him for help with problems, but DO NOT take out my frustrations on Him, in tone or words. I, of course know this, and have been better at it, but those darn "little voices"....which Master intended to banish far away.
It was a no warm up, bare bottomed, hair brush paddling....hard from the start. It only took a quick round to get me squirming and kicking..not good things. At one point He warned me that he would get rope and tie my legs if they kicked high enough to touch His hand again, and that He would add to what i was already going to get. My bottom was on fire, but i did manage to just drum my feet, and not raise them into a kick.
It seemed like He had no intention of stopping. I was ouching and squirming and trying to "scoot" away. He finally said if i did not settle, He would change His target to my thighs...and as much as my bottom was hurting, i knew my thighs would hurt much worse. He was determined i would remember this spanking for a long, long time....it was the hardest he has spanked me in a long while. Finally, after many sorries, and being close to tears, He stops and we chat a little. One of my answers, gets me 6 light taps on my thighs...enough to re-focus me. Finally He says i may get up.
Foolish me, i heaved a sigh of relief....Master then tells me to bend over the back of the sofa, bottom high up in the air. I HATE that position.
He looks at me and reminds me that having Him repeat a request is not a good idea. I get over the back of the sofa, and He is holding a cane. My bottom is so sore, just walking to get in position was no fun. I am over the sofa, feet still on the ground, when i hear the swish, and feel the sting, the burn, the stripe. I do move around a little during the first set, but do not get up. I am then told to get over feet off the ground, bottom way up. If i am good and stay in position, i will only get 12 more. I am not sure i can do it, but i also know, that my bottom is throbbing, and i don't want any more. I do manage to stay in place, and after another 12 He is finished. I am told to stay in place, while He looks at His "handi work".
"Debt paid" He says. We hug and chat a bit. I ask for permission to go to the mall to get one last gift. Yes, is His reply, but i am to walk the whole mall while i am there. He never misses an opportunity to get me to get some exercise in.
This afternoon, driving to the mall was extremely uncomfortable. My bottom is still very sore as i am sitting here...that is unusual for me. But, what i realized as i was walking around the mall.....as sore as my bottom is...the rest of me is at peace. No long battles, no grudges, just contentment. I am not sure how or why that works for me, but i am very glad that i found someone who understands that it does, is consistent in words and deeds, and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep "me" where i am whole, happy and calm. Life is good....
abby
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