scratch one New Year's resolution

My new year's resolution to submit more gracefully came to an end today. I am sitting with a very sore bottom, and shaking my head at my actions this afternoon. Attitude..i had it, stubborness...yes that too....submission...sadly, not so much.

When i text Master this morning about my plans for this afternoon, He told me He would let me know if i had permission, depending on what time He would be available. He knew i wanted to be some place at 3, by 2:30 i had not heard from Him, so i called and said i would be late and might not make it at all. He text me at 2:45 what i was doing? I replied waiting, but i was not happy...What did He think i was doing? Was He testing me? My already not so great mood, took a definate turn for the worse.

I walked in asking, not so nicely, if this afternoon was a test? Did He expect to find me gone? Would that have been OK? His raised eye brow and quick reply should have warned me. But sometimes , a girl is too far gone to heed a warning. He asked me what happened over the weekend that i gained 2 pounds. After a hesitation, i simply said i don't know.
He held the basement door open and pointed. I hesitated, til i heard a loud NOW.

Master is an expert scolder. He is loud, He has a lot to say, and He makes His point very clear. I was told to lean over and grab the seat of a wooden chair, and NOT to let my hands leave that seat or He would start over. He pulled me pants/panties down. The first swat took my breath away. He does not stop scolding, just because He is spanking. The spanking was slow, but extremely hard...He was using a large peice of wood. I move my feet, He reminds me to keep my hand on the seat...my loud reply was they are there! He stopped to remind me that gaining 2 pounds over a weekend meant i did not even try, i put all my eating rules on a shelf. He does not believe in going backwards, and will not let me go backwards. Finally He said 3 more, pulled down my pants more and said if i moved my hands or feet, they would be on my thighs. When He announces only 3 more, it is a relief, but with the knowledge that will be the hardest ones yet. I managed to stay in place.

He then went over and brought over a rubber strap. He annnounced that if He was not pleased with Friday's report, He would be using the rubber strap in the basement. He gave me one swat with it...WOW. Granted it was on a sore bottom, but i do not ever want to feel that being used on my bottom by an angry Master. I asked if we were done, He allowed me to get up. He reminded me i had not said i was sorry, i replied i had in an email. He said not in person, so i said sorry, and went up the stairs, muttering it was only 2 pounds.

He stayed in the basement, when i reached the top He said He obviously had not done a good enough job, i needed to come back down. I did not want to, and said so. He waited a minute or so. I was not moving. He started to count, and self preservation kicked in and i went back down to Him. He had me back over the seat of the chair, but did not spank, He rubbed and talked. I started to calm down a little. He had me get up and sit in His lap, and we chatted about my attitude and my behavior. I had calmed a little, and we ended with some kneeling time.

Once back upstairs Master said He expects extra effort the rest of the week, to make up for the lost weekend.

Since i have been home, i have been trying to figure out, where all that ungracious submission came from. I have a few ideas, no real answers, but the attitude is gone, replaced with embarrassment. One month...my resolution lasted one month. So i start again...Master my resolution for the rest of this year is to submit more gratiously, to submit because i want to, because it will please You, because it is good for me.

It has been months since my last visit to the basement....hopefully it will be longer than that for my next one.

abby

attitide adjustment

It's been a tough three days. My dad's condition is still day to day, i leave tomorrow until after Thanksgiving, i know it is where i need to be, but i am feeling guilty because i wish i did not have to go, i am usually all done my Christmas shopping and wrapping by now, and i have not started...it all hit me at once Monday.

When i get over-whelmed, i tend to shut down, go within myself and withdraw. By Tuesday i was nearly in tears all day, and could not even blame it on PMS...happily left that behind a few years ago. I kept my communications with Master short, but i am sure He recoginized the signs.

By this morning Master had given me enough time to reach out, and He took charge. I admit i had pushed Him..a little...and He pushed back and let me know i was in trouble.
I also gained a pound at my weigh on Monday, which He had not forgotten about. I could not even explain what was wrong...i felt i had loss all control over everything. It is one thing to give up control to another, it is something totally different to feel that you are spinning and have no control over anything.

So my last spanking for a while, was not to be a fun one. We talked, He likes to remind me i should always be running toward Him, not away from Him. Then it was over His lap, for a way too short hand warm up. Then i felt the bristle side of the hair brush, i knew it was warning of what was to come. Soon, i felt the wooden side of that darn brush, it did not take me long to start "OUCHING" very loudly. Master often echoes my ouches, which is NOT funny.

Then my legs started kicking. It has been a while since i had a hard hairbrushing....hope it is a while before it happens again. Master would say here....that is totally up to me. He had me tucked in tightly and was spanking fast and hard. He finally stopped, only to tell me it was time for part 2...attitude adjustment. It was not a fun time, and the i am sorry , i will be better were shooting out of mouth. Finally, when i was very sore, and had a red hot bottom, it stopped. He pulled up my panties and sat me up.

He reminded me that i need to hang on my rules even more tightly when i am away, that i need to communicate daily and reach out to Him, that i am His, all the time, no matter where i am. He also said even when i feel my world is spinning out of control, there is one thing i do control, my submission to Him.

He then reached in to play with my nipples. I jumped a little, but He soon has me squirming. He then reached inside my panties, and i was panting and urging Him on. He says...why does He think that is a good time to have a conversation....He is divided between telling me i cannot cum for Him at all while i am gone, or i must cum every day. Which would i prefer...honestly something between the 2 extremes. He is still susing His hand and has me squirming...and says..what will it be, should i remove my hand or do you want permission to cum? Of course He has me where He wants me, and after another minute i am asking for permission to cum. He tells me i need to also ask for permission for every day i am gone before i get a yes. I could not, not ask, so i asked..for permission to cum then and every day that i am away. I am thankfully staying at my sister's while she is on a family vacation in Florida, so it will be me the dog and the 2 cats.

One of the extra things Master had me do this morning, was to tie a ribbon around my right wrist. When Master looked at it, i was told to keep it on while i am away. I asked if he met that same one, and He did. He will check when i get back to see how it looks. He also reminded me to stay clean shaven, not just to wait and shave on the day i return..which did happen last time. He threatened to check, by having me send Him a picture..yuck.

Then it was hugs and more hugs and time for good-byes. I have a 6 AM flight in the morning. I have a couple ideas for posts while i am away, i will see if i have the time and the energy.
abby