where I belong...

The celebrations over the weekend were a big success. My youngest grand-daughter is ready to be a big sister, she has shirts and books with big sister themes, and a "baby doll" with all the extras. She can play mommy when her mommy is busy with the new little one. My oldest grand-daughter is now 4...and she loved every minute of it. It was hectic but lots of wonderful memories were made!

I returned to a very busy week for both Master and I. It took til yesterday before we both had time to re-unite. I was feeling a little down, Master of course had noticed, both during our chats and as soon as He saw me. The simple truth was I had really missed Him a lot, even thought it was only a weekend, I seemed to be feeling like I really needed His touch, His pressence. I told Him I had really missed Him, He smiled and said that was easily remedied, so we started with a great big bear hug! He said it is nice to be missed and needed, He was happy to hear that was my "problem".

I gained a little less than 1 pound over the weekend, that kept me in my "safety zone", we were both happy about that! Master did bring up that nasty "E" word..exercise. I am having a hard time getting back into the routine of every day, but am trying. Master has decided I need to exercise, either wii, or a dance video I have, or walking the bike path, 5 days out of every week, I can choose the days. That way if I have an extra busy day being away, I can make up for it on the weekend...and NOT just blow it off.

It was then kneeling time, with Master warming me up all over. After concentrating on my breast, I was invited over His knee. He treated me to a wonderful hand spanking. Master commented on how still and quiet I was, He must be getting weak. I was just enjoying, but Master decided to rev it up a bit, and spank me so that I moved forward a little each time. I commented that the next time He is swinging His cane, I will remind Him that He likes me to move..lOl..

The spanking had finished warming up all of me. Master barely just started touching me and I was writhing and groaning..He told me to breathe and slow down, but it felt sooo good, and I was so ready. Since my bottom was nice and warm, Master decided to contrate on my mouth and pussy, filling them and telling me relax and enjoy all the sensations. Enjoying was easy, relaxing..not so much. Master was teasing, watching me get right to the brim and withdrawing, wanting me to ask, beg for release. Soon I was begging, and He pushed me over the edge. One of the interesting occurences after Master has me cum hard for Him, is I often get after tremors. My body shakes of its own volition, like it is trying to find its way back. Master loves these, I seem to have no control over them, but they are pleasant.

Once I was lucid, and breathing calmly, we had more hugging and catching up time. I was once again calm, my spirits lifted, knowing that I was owned, that I have found the place where I belong.

hugs abby

Celebrations

I am getting ready to leave for a weekend of celebrations. My children and grandkids will all be together for the weekend. We started a family tradition with my oldest grand-daughter before her brother was born...a big sister party. On Saturday, my Boston grand-daughter gets the big sister fun! We each buy or make a piece of clothing with Big Sister on it, get her a book about being a big sister, and a special big sister toy....we have balloons and cupcakes and fun! On Sunday we are celebrating my oldest grand-daughter's 4th birthday. She is one of those little girls who seems to possess a wise old soul, is so sweet. So another party, a Cinderella cake, and more fun. I will be returning on Monday.

Master and I had our celebration yesterday. I am back to my goal weight, and have really been working at getting back to an exercise routine. We, of course, started off with some naked kneeling, and He was "enjoying" my breast...He commented that I was not squirming...I replied...with just a bit of sarcasm..oh Master, it feels so good...He chuckled and said then I should thank Him.

He then had me bend over the ottoman, bottom out and took off His belt...the sound of that always makes me catch my breath. He started off lightly and each set getting progressively harder. He stopped and I was thinking that was just right, when I hear...hang on 12 more hard ones to carry you through the weekend. I whine a little about hoping we were done, but He has started. I stay in place, by the last 3 I am ouching loudly, but finaaly he drops the belt and starts to rub.

Just as I am beginning to pant and get "squishy", I am told to get over His lap. He is rubbing and massaging, and then I feel something prickly. It is my little "wheelie"! What a nice surprise. He is rolling it all over my back, thighs, bottom, any place He can reach, I am so relaxed. Master then remarks, He does not think He has been using it with enough force. He presses harder and repeats His routes. It is not as relaxing, but is awakening different sensations all over. He tells me He is going to increase the pressure and I should let Him know when it starts to hurt. On His second time around I tell Him now, after finishing His route He stops to rub and admire the pattern.

Master then gets my large toy...the one I always say is too big. He starts to tease me with it, touching my clit, pulling back, slowly and gently going in and out, til I can't stand it...and finally get a needed permission. I end with several body tremors which Master always seems to delight in. AS I am catching by breath, Master says He hopes that gets me back quickly...He knows how to entice a gal!

I am then between His legs, submissively thanking Him. Then it is back over His lap, for a nice hand spanking. He reminds me that I am to use all of my tools while I am away, or He will be using His tools when I return..and not the ones I would request!

It was a wonderful celebration to start my weekend of celebrations. I am feeling very blessed, and now need to go bake 2 dozen cupcakes for a 4 year old party!

Have a good weekend all....hugs, abby.

in a good place...

Sometimes, not often enough, one just has to sit back and look at life, and if you are lucky enough, appreciate that you are in a good place. Tonight, as I set here, I am in a good place for a lot of reasons.

Weather! Living first in Maine then in Western NY, I learned early on that weather is unpredictable, and be ready for the worse. In the pass, March here has meant an ice storm...that cut off power for most of us for 2 weeks....back to back blizzards, over 40 inches of snow in 2 days, cold, wind...March can be unreliable, just when you think spring might be around the corner you wake up to having to shovel. Not this year, last week we had temps in the 70's, going to be in the 80's this week. I am loving it, don't even care that we will have to pay some day. I know that not all of you are being this lucky this March, with severe storms, I am keeping all of you in my thoughts.

Family! Everyone is getting along, and a new addition is expected in about 1 month. We will all be together this weekend celebrating oldest grand-daughters 4th birthday. My children work to make sure their children know and love grandma...they are so precious. My mom is doing well, starting to perk up a little and thinking about a little traveling.

Master! (you knew I would get to Him, didn't you?) On Friday I loss 1.5 pounds, stayed the same today, but I am within my "safety zone", 1 pound away from my goal weight. On Friday, I was treated to a wonderful hand spanking and some "us" time...me kneeling and showing Him my submission, and then enjoying my own releases.

Today Master and I met for maintenance. He watched me undress, usually He is busy doing something in the house. He noticed I was blushing, and laughed. I knelt for Him, and He claimed me, showed me that I was all His. He then decided to use a paint stirrer for maintenance...this was a larger one that I have ever seen. He used it first on my breasts, He likes to make the point that He can spank me anyplace....and although it did hurt, it was not over or near my limit. Then it was over His lap, for a stingy, surface spanking,,,with stops for rubbing. Master found me wet and ready, as usual, and kept me on the edge for a bit, til finally I heard ..cum for Me!. It was ...like a rumble of orgasms, one following the other, that truly left me breathless.

Then Master and I were talking. I am not sure how we got to this topic, but I found I was opening up and sharing some things with Master that I have not been able to before now. We talked and He reassured and held me, and make me feel....taken of...content...in a good place. Master then said...its been a while since you have doubted Me. When Master and I were starting out, and for quite a few years beyond that, I was often sure that He would soon realize that He could do much better than me.

I was confident in many areas of me life, I know I was a good mom, an effective and valued teacher, a friend to many, etc...but because of how I looked, and because I had kept the real 'me' deeply buried, I was certain that Master would look at me and see the error of His ways. He always reassured me, but the insicurity came back. There were times I almost pushed Him away, that way it would at least, have been my idea. Lately, I seem to have loss those insecurities. It has been almost 10 years and He is still here, He knows "me" and accepts all of me and has helped me to accept "me". So yes, Master was right I realized, I feel safe, and comfortable, and secure, and my doubts have finally taken flight. This is a very good place to be!

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to stay in this place, I want to move forward. As I was leaving, Master thanked me for being such a good submissive, for being His submissive....yes I am in a good place, and I cherish the feeling.

hugs abby

I survived

I woke up yesterday morning still tired after a very restless night. Every time I turned over, I woke up feeling the sudden pain from the caning. I thought I need coffee, then I remembered...He wants me to fast. Coffee is liquid right? So I sent a text asking if I could have my morning coffee...I got a one word reply...water. Water is not a great substitue for coffee.

As I made the fruit salad for my book club meeting, I was not in the best of moods. I kept hoping I would hear from Him , telling me I could at least eat some of the fruit. No call came. When I was ready to leave I sent a text to let Him know I was leaving, and that I thought He was mean. I made it through the pot luck, explaining that my tummy was upset, so I was not goint to eat, since we were watching a movie and discussing a book...it was not a total lie. I did text Master at noon, to remind Him it was His lunch time...one of my new keeping Him sane duties.

When I got home it was around 5...I was sore from sitting, tired, and hungry. I drank more water. I was trying to decided how early I could go to bed and sleep through the night when I heard from Master. I told Him I had been good all day..well except for calling Him mean. He asked if I had any fruit salad left over, I did. He told me to have a bowl when we finished, and asked if He had made His point. He had...punishing twice in a row for the same reason is NOT a good idea, He alsays ups the ante, He gets His way, and will do whatever it takes. I know that is several points, but I wanted to cover all the basis. I had a delicious bowl of fruit and went to bed calmer. I did manage to sleep almost all nite without waking up.

Sitting today is not as painful as yesterday, but my thighs and that spot just below my bottom still is very sore. I guess when you get 100 with a cane, it stays with you for a while. I can't believe I survived 100...very glad He did not tell me ahead of time how many He had in mind. This will be the first time that I am still sore on day 3 after a spanking, Master knows how to make a lasting impression.

hugs abby

Striped...

Master often surprises me...often they are good surprises, then like today, there are the not so good surprises. Master would say today should not have been a surprise, and maybe..He is right.

My weigh in today was stay the same. I figured, for a weekend, that was OK. When we talked at lunch, Master told me to text Him at 3 to see if He was going to be able to leave work. I sent a text, asking if we would have Maintenance today. It is Monday, and I had not gained, so I figured maintenance would be on the agenda, probably a long, hard spanking since I am still 1/2 pound above my limit.

Master was able to leave, we met, as we were hugging He looked at me and said...you know you are in trouble. I expressed surprise, I had not gained it was over a weekend? His view..He had paddled me long and hard on Friday for being 1/2 pound over, and I was still 1/2 pound over...guess He did not make an impression on me. I said He had, but....not buts allowed, He obviouly did not do a good enough job on Friday, and was going to remedy that today. GULP...He was calm and determined...

I was told to get over the ottoman, hands on the floor. He went and returned with a cane. He told me if I moved out of position, He would start over, and the target would change to my thighs. I rarely get spanked on my thighs, but I know it increases the pain and burn by a lot!

No matter how prepared I think I am...the burn of that first swish always surprises me. I was determined to stay in position and keep breathing. I did not count, could not count, but was ouching and owing and groaning..but staying in position.

Finally there is a break...I hear Master say, get up and same position other side of the ottoman. UGH..not what I wanted to hear. I slowly move Master tells me to stop hesititing.When I am over the ottoman I am told to spread my legs..wide. I do, He gives me antoher swich and is pleased with the welt. He informs me His goal is to make it so I remember very time I sit to eat for the next few days, that I need to lose at least 1/2 pound. After a few sets, I hear 10 hard ones...like the others were soft???
But they are harder, I do stay in position, Master actually says He is proud of me for staying in position. I am thinking finally, He is finished.

Instead I hear, put your legs together, six more, you will count and thank me..on your thighs. I try to keep myself thinking, only 6 more. After the third one, He says, not a good welt, that one might have to be repeated..( He did not repeat it, think He just wanted to see if I reacted). We get to 5, my thighs are burning , He asks me how many more,.."One Sir"...and I get the final one. Moving and getting up is painful.

As we are hugging, Master asked if He made an impression...He did. He then tells me tomorrow is going to be fast day for me. Fast, as opposed to slow?? He continues, I am to have only water all day. I say, not tomorrow, I can't. (I know, I should have only thought that). I am going to a pot luck lunch with my book club. I plan on bringing a fruit salad, so I will stay with a good eating plan. I say, well I can eat my fruit...No just water, and He means it. My thighs and my bottom are reminding me the best answer is Yes Sir. He tells me once again, He hates punishing for the same thing twice in a row, Friday and today...I am over my limit, He will see to it that I get back and stay there...whatever it takes. He says He probably was too easy on me Friday...NOT!

I do recognize that there are times I feel the need for a harder spanking. I had been feeling that lately, but I also felt that Friday had taken care of that. Master did not see it that way, and He gets to decide.

While I was over the ottoman Mater took a pic of my bottom and thighs. He said something about posting it here, I replied I had no idea how to do that...He said He could fix that,..we will see. (or maybe not see).

On the exercise front, I have upped both the intensity and time on the wii. I also have an ABBA dance disc, that leaves me panting, and very glad that noone is wathcing! The weather here has been fantastic..like May, so I also plan on walking the bike path. Hopefully I can get myself into a good exercise groove!

hugs abby

Upping the ante...

The title was suggested by Master, since I hate thinking up titles, I am going with it...it does seem to fit.

This has been one of those weeks when life takes over and patience is needed. I have never...still don't...do patience well.

Over the weekend, I included a note in one of my daily reports to Master. I knew I had been barely staying where I should with the weight, and although maintenance is helpful, I had been feeling that I needed more...something more intense. So I asked Master if He could rev up maintenance, for just this week. I knew I should ask in person, and would, but the note was like practicing.

My report on Monday was a 1 pound gain. Yes it was my birthday weekend, but Master had made it clear that was not to be used as an excuse for a gain. I have not gone over my limit in a while, and knew this would be excused, and I was worried about a "basement" visit...where there are no good memories or sessions. Master's project at work went a little crazy and He had to put in extra time, we did not get to settle the gain.

On Tuesday, I took a friend for a chemo treatment, it was supposed to take about 5 hours, I ended up being gone for about 10 hours, and got home totally exhausted.

Today was our first opportunity to get together. I was worried about what He had planned, but also had reached the point where, I just wanted it taken care of. After hugs and some chatting, Master told me to get naked and kneeling. I immediately let out a breath of relief, we probably would not be heading to the basement. As Master reclaimed me, He let me know that the gain was going to be dealt with, but that He was now more concerned with my exercise...or lack of it. He wants me to tone up, and also the eating part will be easier to deal with if I am burning more calories. I agree, but I hate to exercise...wish I was addicted to it, but no way.

So, Master has decided I am to exercise in some way every day...I think He meant 5 days a week. By exercise He means I need to get sweaty and ucky and in need of a shower...UGH. I can choose what to do, but it needs to be something more than a nice stroll on the bike path. Master is not one to micro manage, although He can. He prefers to set a goal...like with weight loss and let me decide how to reach it...He also provides the incentive:) or :(! He did say He could start expecting me to measure myself weekly and send it a report (no way do I want that to happen), or I could exercise in front of Him ( I know that would not be a happy time), or I can just decide to figure it out on my own. For now I am on my own...

Master then told me to get over His lap. I knew He was being kind, a punishment where I am over His lap...almost unheard of....but so appreciated! He had His green shamrock paddle..it is smallish, but thick. He started in with a fairly long set, letting me know this was His version of a warm up...we do have different definitions of that term. Then He tucked me in, and was spanking hard and fast, for what seemed like forever, with no break. I managed to not move around and keep myself from asking for it to be over.

When Master finally stopped, we chatted a bit about consequences and expectations, and then Master said, time for Maintenance. We need to rev it up a bit? I immediatly replied no, I had changed my mind. He did not buy it, and said He thought it was a good idea. We talked about submission, and pleasing Him, and how I feel when I know He is pleased with me. He said He was going to give me another hard paddling, and when He was done, I would kneel between His legs, look at Him and thank Him....and it needed to be sincere. On top of the first paddling it did not take very long for me to feel like my bottom was on fire. This was another long, hard paddling.
But, I could also feel myself relaxing inside, going to my special submissive place, feeling like my world was being put right. That probably sounds a little crazy, and I am not sure how or why it works, but it does.
When He stopped paddling I immediately knelt between His legs. He reminded me to look at Him, and I sincerely thanked Him...and did truly mean it.

We chatted a bit, about being ready to add to my submission, and if I thought my plate was full. He also let me know that He expects I will do everything He expects, because I want to please Him, that I should not be trying to "get away" with something. I feel I am there...at least most of the time. He then told me to get up and get His large paddle out of His bag. I found it, and nicely handed it to Him.

He had me go back over His lap, and said He would be using it more often. I groaned, and He decided to let me know how it felt. He gave me 5 hard ones, and asked how they compared with the early ones...this is a larger and heavier paddle...the burn on my bottom was re-awakened and intensified.
He then decided to check if any part of me had enjoyed His paddling. He found me to be wet and swollen, so of course, He let His fingers rub and poke and pull...and soon had me squirming and panting. He chose then to remind me that this was punishment...no permissions granted. I groaned...

So being the generous Master, He offered me deal. I could earn a permission by asking Him for 5 more hard ones with the large paddle. As I considered it, He continued to use His finger and hands to keep me "on edge". It did not take me long to realize I needed to accept His terms, and agreed. He wanted me to ask very nicely, and keep count and thank Him after each one. They were even harder than the previous ones, but I had earned my permission...or 2...or 3. He chuckled and said He should have upped the ante, and made the permission worth more than just 5 more.

After some quiet cuddle time, our time was over. Master had indeed upped the ante...the exercise ante, the maintenance ante, and the expectation ante....if we were playing poker, it would be my turn to meet the bet.

hugs, abby

time to add another candle to that cake!

Yes, this is my birthday weekend. I think one day is too little time to properly celebrate...I would like to get away with a week!


Friday morning Master sent me a text before I was even out of bed. He was packing His toy bag, and getting out of work early , so we could start the weekend with a private bithday celebration. Now that is a wake up call I could get use to!

I won't reveal my age...but when I say it out loud it sounds old...Master said it is the age inside that counts, and that is still very young. After a bithday hug, Master put the wrist and ankle cuffs on me. These are the best, they are leather, but fur lined, and just having Him put them on me, moves my mind to a very submissive place. We should use them more ofter...hint, hint. Then it was kneeling time , with Master massaging me all over, making sure I was very relaxed.

Master said this could take a while, since He was going to give me my age with the toys, I suggested that maybe each decade might be better for some of time, that gave Him a chuckle.

We started with my favorite...the large, leather flogger. He started with swirling it all over...up and down, in and out, swirling...ahhhh.
Then the flogging, mostly on my back, one set on my bottom. All too soon, even at my advanced age...He had finished with the flogger. My next favorite, over His knee for a lovely hand spanking. Of course, Master cannot hand spank, without letting His fingers roam after each set, so by the end of the hand spanking, I was nearly floating.

I am not sure about the order of the other toys, but they included, the Shamrock paddle, a wonderfle small leather paddle, a few other small paddles. Then it was up and over the edge of the sofa for the large leather strap. I had to alert Master at the end of each 10, so He could switch sides. Then, what I think is Master's favorite leather....His whip. We have not played with the whip in a long time, and yes it is leather, but I do have to adjust to its sting. Master was about to start the last set, when He said, nice and hard...right? I hesitated, but gave the Yes Sir. As soon as He finished He was quickly rubbing the sting out, and clearly admiring the design on my back.

I was then told to kneel between Master's knees, and let Him know if I had enjoyed my birthday spanking...since I had, I definately let Him know how much. I was then told to turn around , so He had access to my bottom, and Master soon had me begging for permissions...and a few were granted.
We then spent some quiet time, just recovering and enjoying each other.

It was a great beginning to my birthday weekend!

abby

service is...

...whever Master wants! Seems simple, when I stop complicating it! I solved the "keeping Master sane" dilema after my failure last Friday. In bed Saturday morning, it dawned on...He was asking me to be His secretary, to keep from losing track of time, to remind Him there are other items on His agenda....and Sarah Thorne left a comment about beng an administrative assisstant. (could someone please give me easy dierections on how to cite someone's blog when I mention them..thanks!) I figured that was a promotion up from secretary! Master chuckled when I told him about this, He said it is all service...and if an administrative assissitant is want He needs, it is how I serve Him.

I sent Master a couple texts today and left a couple voice messages, He spent most of the day in meetings. He thanked me for them, and was pleased. When His day finally ended we had "our" time. I gained 1/2 pound over the weekend, that puts me at the limit of my 2 pound above the goal. We talked about that, and He questeioned me about exercise. He has been telling me I need to get back to it...and yes, He is right...luckily I did today.

We then moved on to kneeling time, and His focus on my breasts. I was then invited over His lap. He gifted me with a fairly long hand warm-up with lots of rubbing. Since this is Monday, maintenance was also in play.
I felt the coolness of wood, and groaned, He turned it over to let me feel the bristle side...so much nicer. He then started in with it, but lightly with a slow build-up, just as I was really relaxing into it, He said, don't relax too much, this isn't the maintenance part. I asked if it could be, and we both know that would not work, I need the harder maintenance to keep me balanced.

He then 'tucks' me in, and that brush starts to fly, hard and fast.
I am ouching and tapping my feet, He was doing a thorough job. Finally He stops, and just as I start to breathe normally, I hear....10 more hard ones for not keeping me sane on Friday. They were hard and slow. finally I start to breathe again, and I hear 10 more hard ones for being at the end of your 2 pound leeway. I rise up, turn and look at Him and say...what? He replies...on, 12 more. It does not take me long to get back in position and take the 12....

Master then does His check to see if I am wet. I am and He tells me what a good girl I am. We continue on to several permissions, and end with some quiet snuggling time.

I thank Master for giving me this time, He says it is as much a givt to Himself!

I know I can do this...I can serve Master as a secretary...that is what He needs at this time. It is not nearly as complicated as I tried to make it.

hugs,,,abby

Master might go insane.....

Master is sane, but if it is my task to keep Him that way He might be in trouble.

In my last post, I wrote about my new task, to keep Master sane while He is working on His latest work assignment. That was Wednesday, I failed on Friday....one whole day.

Friday morning, I sent Master a text asking for permission for my errands. The rule is , if I don't get a reply in 15 minutes, then my requests are granted. Now I rarely do not get an answer, He is very good at sending me a quick text. I did not get an answer, but knew I could still get what I needed to done.

I call Master at lunch time every day, unless He knows that I have an appointment or for some reason cannot. On Friday lunch time rolled around, and I thought...time to call Master. Then some "demon" popped into my head and created the thought...if He was too busy to reply to a text, He is probably too busy for a call...I KNOW..I do know, that is ridiculous, and should have just laughed and called Him. I did not call.

I heard from Master as soon as He got out of work. "Why no call today?"
That was the last question I wanted to answer, but I did. The best I could do is reply, "I guessed you were too busy". I know, pretty lame, and He was not pleased...asking me if that is how I planned on keeping Him sane. I apologized and added I am not really comfortable with being the keeper of His sanity. He was less impressed with that. I promised to try harder, no to actually work harder at it, and He accpeted that.

I know, logically, that since Master wants me to do this, I am not taking control or over stepping, or 'topping from the bottom', but then why am I struggling? If I should somehow cross a line, He will let me know, He really doubts that will happen. One day, and this is supposed to be a 6 month project...so I have spent some time today trying to come up with a different mindset, and some ideas that will help me keep Him sane, and me obedient. Wish me luck!

hugs, abby

it's been a while......

Hi, I am abby....lol in case you have all forgotten...it has been a while.

I spent a week with my mom. It was good for both of us, to have the time to talk about dad, and about her, to sort through things she has not been able to do alone. We ate when we wanted, what we wanted (with me being careful not to go overboard), and just enjoyed each other's company. I went a week without internet, missed it at first, but survived.

Then it was off to Boston, it was hectic, fun and busy, My 2 year old grand daughter is all energy and movement. She loves to run, and on the second day, she tried to teach me how to run faster. How to place my feet and hands and arms, and to move them very fast....I slept well every night!
By the time I got on the computer at night, I checked email and sent my report to Master, and went to bed. I have a lot of catching up to do with all of you.

In my last post, I mentioned taking my wheelie thing with me. Its official name is a Whardenberg wheel. It is a medical tool, I believe. Mine was very unexpensive, ohhh do I love it! It is metal, has a small rolling spike wheel. Master uses it all over, with different pressure, it fits anyplace, the sensation is relaxing, awakening, sensual....just thinking about it makes me tingly!

Master and I had our welcome back time. I had so missed his smell, his touch, his feel...all of him. We enjoyed kneeling time, a wonderfully long awaited for hand spanking, a maintenance spanking...with the hairbrush. When I groaned at the hairbrush, He promised to use both sides, the soft bristle side is of course, my favorite side! LOL We had some serious re-connecting time, and some chat time.

I managed to only gain 1 pound while I was away,,,guess my grand daughter is a good influence! He was very pleased. Before I left I had been struggling with exercising every day. Once I let the routine slip, it is hard to get back to it. Master made it clear He did not care if I use the wii, or walk, or whatever, but He expects an exercise plan, and for me to get to it. I am working on the plan, I am just struggling with the motivation part, not that I want Master to get involved in motivating me.

Master was also very happy that while I was away, I was very careful to keep up with all His expectations. Those often slip a little when we are apart, but I was very alert to not letting that happen this time. Master noticed, and let me know that He was proud of me!

Master has been assigned a new project at work. He is excited about it, except for the fact that it has a 6 month dead line, and He does not think is possible. If I know Him , He will make it happen. Since He also knows Himself, He has assigned me a new task...."the keeper of His sanity"!
He wants me to be aggressive, pushy, about our time together. To really work at making it happen...He realizes this is a stretch for me, outside of what I am comfortable with, which is why He has called it a task. I am not all that comfortable with this new task, there is still a little part of me, that worries, if I cross some invisible line, He will say, it is too much, and decide to find a more suitable submissive. I KNOW it is not logical, but it is there. I am going to try, I started by texting Him more often today, He always is telling me, it can't be too much, we will see. I need to stop thinking of it as being "in control", and see it as doing what He wishes...wish me luck on that.

I hope to be catching up with all of you soon. I am not planning an extended time away until April, when a new grand daughter is due!

hugs, abby


I

hello....good bye

I returned from my visit with my daughter and her family yesterday. It was a fun weekend...My granddaughter called last night and said she was missing me already! I had a busy day, unpacking, laundry, organizing and re-packing! I have an early morning flight out tomorrow. I am going to spend a week with my mom. I am going to help her do some more sorting, organizing and cleaning... and spend some alone time with her. Over Christmas there were so many of us...it was fun, but hectic.

My son and 2 year old granddaughter are coming to get me next weekend so I can spend a week with them...I will be away for 2 weeks.

Master and I did squeeze in some time together this afternoon. We started by just sitting and chatting. I was sort of having a pity party for myself...after listening and being supportive and saying all the right things, He let me know the pity party was over!

It was time for kneeling. Master spent a long time on my breast, smushing, pulling, tugging and kneading. It actually felt right, and put my head back where it needed to be.

Then it was over His lap. He started MM day off with a warm up! I was surprised and pleased, and told Him what a nice guy, letting me have a warm up...His reply...maybe because I know you will need one. That made me think! Then it was paddling time. He did not waste time, and when I put my leg up, my thighs became the target. I settled in, and after a few sets, He stopped for some rubbing. Just as I was relaxing, He stops rubbing, picks up the paddle ....this is for that pity party...and He gives me antoher hard volley. I am ouching before He is done...but when He is, I know I am at peace.

His fingers are then starting their magic journey...He remarks I am already wet and ready. I am soon soaring and pleading for a permission or two. Master remarked that He thinks the harder He spanks me, the readier I am...

Master then assigned me 2 new tasks to do while I am away. I am to take my little wheely thingy with me, and use it to help get me ready to ask for permission. I love that little thing, it has been a while since it has been used, so I am looking forward to using it. Also I am to play with myself for at least 3 minutes each day.

I will be checking and seeing what you are all up to...

hugs, abby

a light bulb moment

Since I am leaving tomorrow for my long weekend with the grandkids, Master and I met for maintenance today. My bottom was still tender from yesterday, but maintenance happens every week, and as Master pointed out, I was the one going away.

We were chatting when I arrived, when I started to get naked, so I could kneel. Master was quite surprised, (and I think pleased) that I did not wait for Him to tell me. While kneeling we discussed yesterday a bit, and that He hoped my head was back where it needed to be.

Then I was told to lean over the sofa, feet spread wide. He said He had decided on leather today, and I heard the swish of His belt...that sound is like no other! He gave me one swat with it doubled and said that it was too "thuddy", so He started using just the end of the belt....that was REALLY stingy! After a couple He told me to count silently to 25 and let Him know when He was done. This was something new, and counting silently is harder than counting out loud, I did not dare miscount, but instead of Master keeping up with my counting, I had to keep up with His swinging. Master kept saying it's leather ...relax, and I wisely just kept counting. Finally I loudly said 25 that's it!

He congratulated me that our counts matched...I commented I did not want any extra....nor did I want to start over...He chuckled again, good thinking. Just as I was relaxing I heard Him say, time for the other side, same routine. I let out a very loud moan, I thought we were done. We were not, and I counted silently again, really really happy when I got to 25.
Master was rubbing as we chatted, me still in position. Soon my knees were buckling and I was having trouble staying still and standing. Master kindly told me to cum for Him.

We talked about the weekend, and what He expects. He gave me a couple extra tasks to complete to help me stay on track. He also reminded me that I have only 1/2 pound to spare before I am out of my safe weight zone. When I return I am in town only 1 day before I leave to visit my mom, so I am determined to make that day one with a happy Master.

My light bulb moment....last night I was thinking about Master and our afternoon. I often need time to process and think about our chats. I knew I had faltered in my rules, and maybe had been a little rebellious. The strange thing is, I had been thinking I want/need more control. What I realized last night was,,,if I can't handle...conform to...keep....obey...the rules I have, I certainly have not earned more control. A long time ago, someone told me, the more submissive you are , the more dominant your partner will want to be. It was a good time to remember that advice...and if I become more diligent in following my rules and pleasing Master, that in and of itself is more control. Hope that makes sense to someone else out there.

Have a great weekend all...

hugs,
abby

finally...settled

I have been unsettled all week. I started to post a couple times, but just could not decide what to say, how to say it, why I was feeling this way. I think it was a combination of a lot of things....

Master has been extremely busy...(He takes on too much, but that is Him, and how He always will be)....and had to be out of town for a couple days for work. I had plans to be away with a friend for some gambling, and it just has been one of those times when vanilla life really interferes with D/s. I have felt so unsettled and uneasy, I was pleased when Master returned early today, so we could have some time.

I knew He was not happy with me. One of my rules, in fact my very first rule, was to send a daily report. I will admit, they have been a little haphazard lately, but nothing was said....and I did not send one at all for the past 4 days. I did get an email asking if I had broken my hands. So I was not sure what Master had planned.

We started with hugs and catching up with any news. I was then told to get naked and kneeling, He sat on the sofa in front of me. He asked where my head has been....I said I have been a little unsettled. He said ...rebellious might be a better word. I have never considered myself rebellious, and was shocked. I tried to explain about hormones and voices and....Of course He was not buying it. We talked a little more about if I was testing, I wasn't. I know what happens when I test Him, I learned that lesson the hard way a long time ago.

I was told to get over His lap. I was relieved to be in that position, I could feel the coolness of wood. He asked if I was surprised to be in this position, I admitted that I was relieved and happy to be over His lap, even with Him holding a paddle. He then started in with it, I said I was also hoping for a warm up..He said this was it. I got a couple rounds with the paddle, then we chatted some more. He said I had been disobedient, and I could not argue. The word shocked me, and I realized I had been...with no good excuse. I immediately was ashamed and felt the tears. Master tucked me in and said 12 more hard ones, and we are done with this punishment. When He finished we talked some more, about how displeasing Him makes me feel, and that we are pass any testing or disobedience over such a long standing rule. He makes the rules He decides if they are no longer needed.

As we were chatting His fingers were roaming and rubbing and getting me very wet. Master then asked if I had kept up with my exercise over this past week. Silence....then a quiet...not quite. How many days did I miss....2. He picked up the paddle and gave me 10 more hard ones for the first day, and 20 more for the second day....He reminded me the rule is at least 30 minutes 5 days a week.

Master then went back to letting His hands get me panting and squirming....I was shaking with need before He finally gave me permissions to cum. He told me that neither of these spankings count as maintenance, we will get to that tomorrow. I am leaving on Thursday to go see my 3 year old grandaughter and her 7 month old brother for a long weekend.

Master then had me kneel and think about what we had discussed while He worked on finishing a small project. I was told to clear my mind of anything else. I did and found myself relaxing and being settled.

I am His submissive, this journey with Master has been so much more than I ever dreamed possible. Disappointing Him is what unsettles me....After I helped Him with a small project..and got my first lesson in electrical work....we hugged...and I told Him I was very sorry. He told me I was forgiven, it was done, we are back on track.

hugs abby

I may be having a change of heart.....

My weigh in on Monday was...stay the same. Not bad for a weekend and not a gain. I was pleased, Master was satisfied...barely.

When we talked Monday I asked if we could return to M&M day...maintenance Monday. He said certainly. (I did it, I asked, and I got maintenance scheduled...and it was not all that hard.) As usual, we started with some kneeling time, or as Master calls it...tuning everything but Us out time. It was not long before Master was assaulting my nipples, He seems to be especially interested in them lately. Then it was over His knee for a....chat. (LOL)

He started by complementing me that I had not crossed my ankles. I am more aware of trying to not cross them. Then as He was tapping the paddle on my thighs we started to discuss...exercise...or the lack of it lately. I got side tracked over the holidays and just have not been able to talk myself back into the routine. Master has decided to help me with that. As He continued to tap, He started to ask when I would start again...the longer it took for me to answer, the more He tapped. "We" finally decided I was to start today, for at least 30 minutes. ( I did...33 minutes). He said every day, but I am hoping He meant 5 days a week. I will have to check to check on that.

Once that was settled, it was spanking time. He started with a couple sets, of moderately hard spanks with His little paddle. He always asks me why we have maintenance and wants me to voice that it is to remind me of my submission, and to help avert any major punishment. He then says, last round will be slow and hard, He wants each one to set in. He rarely spanks me slowly, it was interesting. He would wait between each swat, rubbing the paddle lifting it, and waiting some more. They were definately much much harder. I was never sure when they were coming, I think as soon as I relaxed a little was His signal...now! It look a while to get all of the last 10 done.

Master then told me to straddle him, facing Him. He laughed and said, I see your wheels turning...what is He up to now? I was given a very long lesson in the pleasures of nipple play....using tongue, mouth, and even teeth. When He finished with one breast, I could feel my wetness, as He started on the second one, He asked if I ever thought I could cum just from breast play...uh..no. By the time He finished I was so ready...so I may be having a change of heart about breast play.

I was then turned around, straddling Him, but facing out....was told to keep my hands behind me, while He brought me to the edge. I did start to move my hands, to maybe help out a little, but was soon told to put them back. By the time I was hearing that I had permission, I was reading to explode...and I did. I was not quiet, but oh....when one is exploding it is hard to be quiet. Master sure knows how to encourage me to keep my good girl streak going...lol.

I want to follow up on PK's blog entry about reading other blogs and commenting. I do not have a blog roll, I have tried, but I am so computer illeterate it never seems to work for me. There are so many wonderful blogs out there, and it seems more every week. I read all types, I think it is interesting to see our differences, but even nicer to see how we are all alike. There are a few that I visit regularly and others that I get to as often as possible. If I hear of a newcomer I try to visit and comment, I know that a welcome is encouraging.

I do read a lot more than I comment. I feel bad that I don't comment on everyone that I read, but there is only so much time. If a topic cathes my eye, if I feel I have something to add, if I have time, I comment. I do reply to all who are kind enough to comment on my blog, it is nice to feel we are conversing.

I do travel...to visit family quite a bit. There are times when I am absent for a couple weeks. During that time I read, but usually do not post or comment.

Thank you all for reading and to those of you that stop to comment thank you twice! I feel I have learned a lot, and met some wonderful cyber friends!

hugs abby

a jumble of thoughts

I have been thinking about what to write for 3 days. It's not that I could not think of anything, it's that I have too many thoughts swirling around in my head. I finally decided to just start writing and see where I end up.

Last week was very busy. our MM (maintenance Monday) did not happen until Friday. When we first started maintenance Master decided that I was "in charge" of making it happen every week. It took me a while to accept that, and Master helped by reminding me and asking me the right questions. Although I am never totally comfortable being the one that "makes it happen" I did get used to it. ( Master's reasoning is that I need to learn to ask for what I need....there's another post!) Lately I have been struggling with it. Master has nudged me, and helped. Last week when I mentioned maintenance on Wed. Master replied that mentioning it did not constitute making it happen. I know, in my head, that I am not really in charge when I make maintenance happen...I am doing what Master wants me to do. It is still difficult and I struggle with it.

Back to last Friday, we started with kneeling time, Master paying lots of attention to my breast. I know many of you love breast play. I am getting more used to it, but it takes a lot of concentrating and breathing. Master then had me get over His knee for a wonderful hand warm-up. Before the spanking starts I get a hard slap on a thigh. I look up and say what? He is pointing to my crossed ankles. Last week I was allowed a pillow between them to keep them apart..no more pillow. I quickly uncrossed them, and Master said the count goes up next time. Then I relaxed into a wonderfully long hand spanking.

Master then asked if I wasnted maintenance before or after some more enjoyable activities. Knowing how mellow I am after I chose before. I stood and leaned over the ottoman and felt cool wood on my bottom. After a couple sets, Master tells me to count...quickly...and thank Him after each one and we will be finished with maintenance. I get to 7 before I hesitate, the next three I ask for quickly. Then it is on to more pleasant activities. Master has been using, and having me use the large toy He bought me different ways. It has been interesting, and challenging.

For a long time I have had to do a task for Master. We started with anything I chose, and it could be only a few minutes. some of the things have done include kneeling time, corner time (rarely), written stories, sent Him interesting pictures, and when I am feeling a little lost, laying in bed time.
A while ago Master decided that the "task" was to be at least 5 minutes, and laying in bed....really was not on the approved list...lol..what a surprise. Last week Master started assigning me new tasks...guess He was bored with my repetition. He did not like the word task...thinks it has a negative concept...He tried assignment, but to a long time teacher, that means work. I like to think of it as spending time pleasing my Master.

Over at "Finding Sara"....(sorry I don't know how to link)...there was an interesting discussion this week on the "Dilemna of Need". When I was pondering what to write about, the feeling of neediness was high on my list. I have struggled with it the past couple weeks, and have been trying to decide if the feeling has more to do with want than need. It's an interesting discussion, and once again helped me to realize I am not alone or unique in my various feelings. Many of us seem to have trouble with asking for what we need.

Have a good week all,
hugs,
abby

re-connected!

It had been over a week since my last spanking, not too long ago I never thought I would ever say that. Now, a week is a long time. As Master said, life has a way of taking over. My back was hurting, He is really busy at work, I had to help a friend unexpectedly yesterday, etc....you all know, life!

This afternoon was finally "our" time. As I was kneeling and naked, He remarked, your head is not in the right place. Master is a great believer that submission is in large part head space..it starts there. I agree, only those voices...the ones PK gives names to....sometimes take up too much room. He was really giving my nipples a work-out, and I was having a difficult time settling in to it. Which made for an extra long nipple session...He is not one to give up or let me off the hook. I was finally relaxing a little and more accepting.

I am then told to lean over the ottoman, legs spread, bottom out. He asks if I know what this spanking is about. I say, for a mere 1/2 pound. He corrects me, I am 1/2 pound above my wriggle room, but 2 and 1/2 above my goal, I need to get back to my goal. He is also tired of this up one week and down the next. He s rubbing my bottom and asks again, what are we addressing? I hedge a little, but finally agree that I am more than 2 pounds above my goal. He says He wants some of that gone by Friday, and if I gain any next week, my rules will change...not for my benefit. I sort of want to ask how, but know better. He has me stay in position , while He goes to choose His toy for the day.

He returns with a cane. He is giving me sets of 6, then switching sides. I am not settled, and flexing my legs, and moving. He warns me to stay in position. I manage to heed His warning, and He is more pleased with the next set. I get a few more sets, and He asks what I need to do. I say get back to my original goal, no gaining. He asks if He should put the cane away I say, yes please, Sir. He asks if I am sure, I am. (One of these days, I might just shock Him and say, no, more please.)

He tells me to stay in position, while He puts it away, and returns to rub and probe and see if any part of me enjoyed my caning. He chuckles and says...pain slut. It is the first time He has called me a pain slut. I don't really consider myself one, compared to lots of others, I feel I am a real wimp. But I was wet and ready.

Master has me kneel between His legs, and we enjoy more submissive activity. I was introduced to oral sex late in life, and was never inclined to think it would be something I would care for...or enjoy. Guess one can teach an old "dog"...or sub...new tricks. Master then has me climb into his lap facing Him, and tells me I need to make myself cum, in that position. It takes me a while to even find a position where that is even remotely possible, and after lots of attempts, I find a rhythm that seems to work. Master is giving me permission, and I am off, and spent. I lean into Him, and we are molded together for a while.

He then tells me to get over His lap, so He can rub my bottom. I am like jello and it feels so good. We chat and Master says He was surprised by and pleased by my entry on Spanking Olympics. I know He reads here, we don't discuss all of my entries. He said it seemed like a change for me. I said, I don't share all of my weird thoughts...He thinks I should. Anyway, He said, I should invite any of you out there who would like to take part in a cyber Olympics. We could set up a challenge or event, and report.

Our time is over...my head is back to where it needs to be. My bottom is sore, but not throbbing, so I am a happy sub, and a very lucky one , also.

abby

booorrrriiinnnggg!

No spanking or fun news, but I decided to post anyway..

I am having trouble posting on a few of your blogs, all I get is a white page. Some are working fine. Most of you know how computer illiterate I am, so any help would be appreciated.

I am sitting on some heat, but not from my bottom. I pulled something in my back last Wednesday. It has happened before, but this time instead of taking it easy, I decided to try and walk it away. Do no try this approach. It is feeling like it is getting better today, more stiff than sore, and the heat..and pain killers...are helping. Last night I actually could roll over and not catch my breath. Hopefully I will be good as new...err old...soon.

Winter has arrived here. It is about 6 weeks later than usual, and could have stayed away permamently. I have always lived where there are 4 distinct seasons, and love to see the change. As I get older I think winter is great...on Christmas day!

Otherwise, boring is the word. Hope you are all having a much more interesting weekend that I can read about!

hugs, abby

spanking Olympics??

This morning I awoke early and could not get back to sleep. As my mind wondered, it went to places that left my grinning, and thinking good thing noone can read my mind. This is a silly post, sharing my eaarly morning mind wanderings.

I quickly realized that my bottom was still sore. I figured that it was 5 days in a row with a sore bottom, a record for me! Then I thought, that probably would not even win me a bronze medal in the spanking Olympics. I love the Ollympics and spanking is right up there also. so...

I decided Olympic was a loft goal, so I started thinking of a weekend of spanking games, where any and all interested were invited. There would be winners in each of the different categories. Lots of spanking, so in the "end" all would be winners.

I started to design the events or games.

1. Most spanks on a bottom in a timed period. First round is hand spanking for 5 minutes, the lowest count is eliminated. Second round is with a leather paddle, same elimination. Third round, is with a hair brush for 10 minutes, highest count wins. Any spankee getting out of position is eliminated.

2. Planning a spanking themed meal. Ideas could be...roast "rump" of beef....whipped pototoes....red bottom cake. There would be voting on the suggested menus.

3. Contest to see who can hold positions the longest.

4. After a whipping, who has the best design on their back?

5. Best idea for homemade spanking toys.

It was time for me to get up and start my day...I may think on this more...I bet all of you have even better ideas for events.

hugs...abby

MM's are back

...as in maintenance Mondays!

I lost almost a pound over the weekend, so I am back to my safe, wriggle room. In the past I have not done well with maintaining, but I seem to have learned how to not go crazy and be reasonable. Finally!

Master had mentioned that we needed to get back to early week maintenance, so it was put on the schedule for today. I was a little concerned, my bottom was still tender this morning, not sore, but tender to the touch and occasionally when sitting. I cannot remember the last time I could still feel a spanking 3 days later....the tenderness is a kind of nice reminder, I will admit.

Our meeting started with some naked kneeling time. Master was concentrating on my breasts, and they also seemed extra sensative. He persisted, finally announcing that His goal this year would be to increase the amount of 'breast torture'...hmm certainly not one of my goals. Maybe learning to enjoy it more, should be, though.

Master then told me to lean over the ottoman, bottom out, legs spread. I hesitated, for only a bit. I was not being hesitant or rebellious, I was just givng myself a little pep talk. "No hesitation", I hear, "in position". One of my goals this year will be to not have to give myself a little pep talk. Not think about it, just do it.

As always, Master asks why we have maintenance and reminds me that He considers it a deterrant. I feel a large cold piece of wood, groan inwardly. He is rubbing my bottom and realizes I am still a little sore from Friday, this will be short, but not easy. He tells me to count and thank him after each one...not one of my favorite things to hear. He starts in hard, I get the words out after the first one, I wait a little too long after the second and am told to not hesitate. He wants quick strokes, which makes it harder for me. After 5, He stops a bit, to talk about maintenance then asks where we are up to...I remembered 6. After the 6th one He asks how many more do I expect, I reply 4 more, He chuckles and says you think you know me well. I think quietly, please let me be right.
The 7th one is unexpected, and I get out of position. "That one does not count, you know better, I expect you to stay in the position I put you it".
I get back and we are finally at 10...and He says the end. He is rubbing ans asking if I think it was enough...I am positive you can all guess my asnwer.

I am then invited over His lap, for some other fun activities. I am so ready, it does not take me long to be waiting to hear...cum for your Master, again, and again. Some snuggling and feeling safe time, some chattting , and I am back to kneeling. Master comments that since it is a new year, maybe we should add a rule or task to my submission. I am anxious to hear what He is thinking.

Hugs, abby

2 cures for the "blahs"!

I have had a very 'blahish' week, not caring about much. Still feeling very much unsettled, and not sure why. Turning within myself, running in the wrong direction, and knowing it wasn't helping. Communicating with Master mostly through text messaging and voice mail, skipping a report, trying to hide my unease from Him. I even asked in a voice mail if Maintenance was going to continue this year, or if it had expired!

I stayed the same this week, meaning I was still 1/2 pound above my "wriggle room", the 1/2 pound Master had said He wanted off. When I weighed myself, I thought...only 1/2 pound, He could think it doesn't matter. (Yes I was that far gone).

His reply text when I sent my weigh in....I have found the bath brush, you will not want to sit all weekend. Guess that 1/2 pound mattered, and I had a few hours to think about that darn bath brush.

When we met, He asked me twice what was wrong, and twice I replied nothing. He wasn't buying it, asked if I was upset with Him or me...mostly me was my reply. As usual, I was told to be naked and kneeling and in position. He was pulling my hair, as He talked to me, letting me know that I had disappointed Him. That He knew I was not happy, but that making Him happy would resolve that. He said He thought about what punishment to settle on and decided a very long seesion over His knee with the bath brush was ahead of me.

I went over His lap. He reminded me that it was past the first of the year, so any ankle crossing would be punished and asked me what that would be. "Spanking on my thighs, Sir," Since this was going to be a long session He offered to put a pillow between my legs, as a gentle reminded, I was happy to accept. He started off with the bath brush, fairly lightly, with a long set, would stop for a quick rub, another harder long set, rub, another harder long set. I am not sure how many sets, but it was quite a few. Finally He stops and starts to talk.

He asks if I am realizing that this is not going to be a fast hard spanking. I am! He says, his intent is that I will feel this all weekend, as a reminder, that I am His, all of me. He then asked me what He expected of me. I shook my head in a no...trying to get my thoughts straight, and He laughed and said no?? I explained I was searching for an answer...and replied, whatever He wants from me. He then suggested I be more specific, so we went over my list of rules and expectations. I used to hate talking to Him when I was over His lap, but I now realize that in some ways it is easier for me to be more open with Him then. We went over the rules, and He asked if I would rather He "micromanaged" me more. Meaning, although I have to ask for permissions to go places, I almost never get a no, He does not suggest menus, or how I should exercise. I thought about it, there was a time when that would have been tempting. But, I am sure in a short amount of time, I would be struggling. Also, I do not ask for permission for anything I do not want or want to do, so to have Him say no simply because He can, would be difficult for me. A day or two of total control would be a great fantasy, but not for real life.

I asked if He was done with the paddling, He wasn't and He let me know the hardest were yet to come. He tucked me in, and made His point. It was a long and very hard paddling, He would do a set, give me a quick rub, and just as I was catching my breath, start in again. I stayed in place for most of it, concentrating on breathing, but it was too much and I was squirming and owing loudly before He finished. Yes all of that for 1/2 pound gain, but also to help me find my way back...and stay there.

He started to roam and 'check' out my wetness. Part of you enjoyed this a little, He remarked. He continued and as I started to whimper and squirm, I heard a stern warning, don't you dare cum...self control young lady. After a couple minutes I asked Him to please stop, and after another minute or so He kindly did stop.

He had me kneel between His legs while we talked. He asked if that was the worse spanking He ever gave me. No it was not, basement visits are the worse. He reminded me of the cane and His large paddles. He also asked if I remembered what His theory was if He had to spank me twice in a row for the same reason. I nodded, and said....that He needs to 'up the ante' since He did not do a good enough job the first time. Did I have doubts about what would happen if I gave a report on Monday and I still had not lost that 1/2 pound...I had/have no doubts.

We then stood and were hugging and He brought up maintenance. He asked if He needed to give me a maintenance spanking today. I replied, no Sir, I am all set. He looked me in the eyes and said wrong answer. Maintenance is a weekly occurence, no matter what else happens, no matter what other spankings occur, maintenance still happens. In fact, He added, maybe this year it should be a twice a week event. I looked at Him speechless, do You doubt I will do whatever it takes? No Sir, was my quick reply. So I was told to lean over the ottoman, He had worn His new belt that was a Christmas gift, since He wanted to test it out. He started out with it doubled, and to be honest, it felt pretty good. I think part of my bottom was numb, and He was not swinging very hard. He quickly caught on , and said I seemed to be enjoying this. So He undoubled and swung a little harder, it still was not harsh, but He was making His point. I soon heard, 10 more hard ones, and it was over. My blahs were gone, I once again felt safe and controlled in a caring way, I knew I had "me" back.

I got home to a voice message from my 3 year old granddaughter. She was excited, so she was talking fast. I had to listen 3 times to get the full gist of what she was saying. She had realized the "Red", her favorite fraggle rock stuffed animal, she calls him her baby, did not have a middle name. She had a middle name, so does her baby brother. So she asked her mom, who told her to pick a middle name. She asked how to do that, and my daugher told her, people usually think about people they know and like and choose one of their names. After thinking about it in her room, she announced that Red's middle name would be the same as grandma's. What an honor! She called to tell me the good news, and to tell me that made me a great-grandma....LOL! Feeling older but Blahs really gone!

Yes, my bottom is still sore as I sit here, I imagine it will be one of those nights when I think of Master every time I roll over!

hugs, abby

Why is it sometimes so hard?

I finally slept well last night and woke up feeling much better this morning. I was pleased and somewhat unsettled. I have been away for a couple weeks, and then sick, and even before I left I was feeling very unsettled...for no particular reason just a general feeling. I kept trying to reach "me", the "me" that Master helped me to find, the "me" that usually keeps me sane, the "me" that has become a more open, trusting, sexual person...but that "me" seemed to be pretty elusive.

So I left, feeling a little lost before I left. No, I did not mention my feelings to Master, it was the holidays, we were both crazy busy, and I was not really sure why I was feeling so lost.

When I leave Master always reminds me to use my tool box. He is telling me to continue with my routines, to text, to call, to send reports, to ask for permissions, as often as I need to...to prevent any disconnect. On this trip my tool box pretty much remained unopened. We kept in contact with texts, but everything else pretty much went by the wayside. I was missing Him like crazy, and knew I was running away, not toward Him, but my "voices" were in full force, and I just kept going in the wrong direction. I finally convinced myself that Master deserved better ( He does )...and maybe I should just tell Him to find a prettier, skinnier, sexier, better all around submissive. Yeah..I was headed someplace I have not been in a while.

So, I got home, got sick, we talked about the holidays and family.
This morning when I sent my text I told Him to stay warm...it is FREEZING were....His reply was that He would be warming my bottom today.

I got to Master's we hugged, I went to check on His new project. He suggested I go and get naked and kneeling. He did ask what happened to my tool box while I was away. I did get naked and kneeling, but was not in the proper position when He walked in. He stopped, told me to put my hands where they belonged, and waited for the yes Sir....it did come out, but not immediately. He came over to claim my body, and talked quietly and calmly, to get my head back where it belonged, as He put it.

He finally told me to get up and put my hands on the ottoman, and my bottom up and out. He was not punishing me for gaining 1 1/2 pounds, even though that put me 1/2 pound above my wriggle room, but He was going to paddle me for His enjoyment. I felt the cold of wood and I looked up, as I felt the frist smack...it hurt, no warm up, almost 3 weeks since my last spanking, and a large piece of wood. After the 3rd one I moved out of position, was warned that would mean extras and bent back down. I hear Him telling me to relax and accept, I so want to say...hand me the wood and You relax...but I don't.

He continues to paddle, but in sets of 3, with rubbing after each set, I do recoginize this as a concession on His part. I hear 10 harder ones, and I manage to stay in place and breathe through them. He is pleased, after a rub, I am told last set, still harder, and I do get through it. He tells me those last ones were much harder than the first ones that I could not stand still for, I was finally getting my head in the right place.

I was then invited over His lap, for a hand spanking and more rubbing. We chatted a little about His expectations, and I did say to Him, You deserve better. His immediate reply was, then You should be better, because He is staying put. He reminds me it has been close to 10 years, I should be confident that He is hanging around and going no place. He also reassures me that He is pleased with my submission , my weight loss, my service to Him. I am finally relaxing and feeling like I am once again where I belong. We move on to more enjoyable activities, it has been way tooo long between permissions...my fault, I know.

So, as I sit here on a sore bottom, I once again realize how lucky I am. Master, My Master, knows "me" so well. He knows when to control, and when to encourage, when to scold and when to talk softly, and most importantly....how to help me find "me". I am also asking....why do I do this to myself, why do I sometimes make it so hard? Hopefully, I will remember today and not got down that road anytime soon.

hugs, abby

Happy 2012

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas holiday. Mine had many special moments...four generations of females attending mass together on Christmas Eve, 30 members of my immediate family together for Christmas breakfast, seeing the faces on my 2 and 3 year old granddaughters when they realized Santa had come!..and more. Special times and special memories, it is always a special blessing when you see your grown children, and think... I must have done something very right!

I returned home a couple days early, on Thursday, I was unsure of the the weather this weekend, and I was missing Master way too much. (I must admit my "tool box" was not well utilized, and that always causes me to feel disconnected). I woke up on Friday morning with a running nose, congestion, cough, etc...I was miserable. I managed to do some unpacking and that was it...I was done in. I did not feel much better this morning, but planned on at least going to get some groceries, ended up giving my daughter a list and the credit card, so I am sitting here in my PJ's ready for bed. But first I wanted to say...

Thanks to all of my blogging friends for reading, commenting, even for lurking. You help me to realize I am more "normal" than I sometimes think, and you always have wonderful insights.

May you all get to have some of your wishes, dreams and fantasies come through in 2012!

Hugs, abby

Merry Christmas...

I know I am about a week early with my wishes. I am leaving at 4:30 AM!!! to get to the airport for my flight to Boston. I will be there for a week helping with my 2 year old granddaughter..and then we will be traveling to Maine to meet up with the rest of the clan. It is always so heartwarming to see your children introducing long time family traditions to yet another generation!

I hope all of you have a Christmas that warms your hearts...and maybe your bottoms too!

hugs, abby

2 for the price of 1...

I gained a pound over the weekend. All things considered, I thought that was reasonable. I also had lots of reasons *excuses* ready for Master.

Of course, He was not buying any of them. I was over my 2 pound limit...by less than 1 pound....but I was over. My new weight is going to be my weight, He explained. Truthfully, I knew He would not let it slide, HE does not let me fail or go backwards. As much as I sometimes wish He would give a little, I know with me, a little is a dangerous thing.

I was told to lean over the ottoman as He took off His belt. No basement and no wood...His version of being kind. There was no warm up, and I knew He was not swinging as Hard as He could, but I was struggling with settling and accepting. For some reason lately, that seesm to be the case. I think I got 50 in all, He did stop half way and rubbed and calmed me, something I was..and am...very thankful for. I was more accepting of the last half, even those last harder ones.

As I was kneeling between His legs, He says...so M&M?? My first thought was, He is offereing me candy after just punishing me for gaining? I looked up at Him, and He said...Monday Maintenance. I had totally forgotten about that. He invited me over His lap, and used His hand for this week's maintenance. Master's hand can be as hard as wood at times, but after a "belting", it was actually relaxing.

Then He started to roam, and just as I was squirming and panting, I hear, no permissions until you have lost what you gained, and I suggest you give yourself a little "wiggle" room before the holiday. I tried to move away from His hand and roaming fingers, of course that was futile. I was being punished, He wasn't. He finally told me to stand, and I could feel myself "dripping". The sooner I get that pound off the better!

abby

tis that time of the year

.....when busy takes on a whole new meaning! I applaud those of you who are managing to blog regularly, I have read some thought provoking and heart warming posts. It just reminds me what a wonderfully diverse and similar group we are.

I have been trying to get everything checked off my todo list for Christmas. I am flying to Boston on Saturday, to help my daughter in law, since they are hosting all of us, and since she is pregnant and working, she needs to find some sleep time. I have two more gifts to buy, and everything is wrapped. That part is under control.

I went to two Christmas parties in the past week, yesterday was my youngest daughter's birthday. She wanted to celebrate at Cheesecake Factory. Does anyone eat there and NOT have cheesecake?? Today was cookie baking day. We tried some new recipes, so had to taste and see. Unfortunately tomorrow is weigh in day....Master is probably going to become the grinch.

Last Wednesday when Master was giving my my "mid-week tune up", as He called it, He noticed I was crossing my ankles,,,again. I keep telling Him it is just a natural reflex, He sees it as an attempt to block off access.
He asked how much longer He should give me before He starts making this a punishment issue. I asked how long I could have...He replied the beginning of the year.

Friday's weigh in was a stay the same...but I only had 1/2 pound left before I crossed Master's line of "don't go there". I was over His lap, enjoying a wonderful hand spanking, when I felt a couple sharp slaps on my thighs. I turned to look at Him, He was looking at my crossed ankles. I did not mention it was not yet the first of the year, I simply said sorry. After the spanking and other "fun activities" I got another couple swats on my thighs for the same reason. So I guess the first of the year was not an exact date. It is often these little things that really trip me up. Since I don't even realize I have crossed them, I will have to really think about keeping my feet apart. Wish me luck!

Have a good week all...

abby

M&M day....and an OOPS

Today was our regular maintenance day for this week. My head was in a pretty good place for it, and I arrived at Master's thinking I knew what to expect. I was almost right.

After some chat time, I was kneeling before Master. We discussed last Friday, how special it was, and how much we enjoyed it. Master was playing with my nipples...not with His "gentle" power, but pulling and pinching and tugging. Master was pleased with my acceptance.

Then it was maintenance time. As always, Master reminds me that it is meant to help me avoid punishment, therefore it needs to a strong reminder. Master started right in with His acrylic paddle. He did give me two sets of lighter ones as a warm-up, which was much appreciated. He then put His arm around my waist, tucked me in, and I knew He was going to "rev" it up. They were fast and much harder, He did stop for a rub and to let me know when we were half way. I do much better knowing that we are half done. He finished the last half, and said He hoped it was enough to keep me out of trouble.

I was still over His lap, and we were discussing my coming week as He was playing and touching and getting me wetter. I mentioned it was going to be a tough diet week...I had 2 christmas parties planned. He replied...2 parties???? This week?? GULP, I knew what He was thinking, and He was right.
He asked if I had asked permission for those parties. I lay there quietly, He asked again...I finally admitted I had not. One of my rules is I ask for permission to go any place, I have struggled a bit with it in the past, but have learned to remember to ask first. I rarely get a no, Master sees it as a reminder that I am not in control.

"You don't have permission to go to those parties". I apologized and asked with a please if I could go...He asked how many times we had discussed this. I admitted to a few, He corrected me, saying it was more.

Master finally said, this time, I can choose, to eliminate one party or take a hard spanking. I did not want to choose either. Both parties were ones I wanted to attend, planning on seeing friends I had not in a while, and I had just received a maintenance spanking, I did not want a harder spanking on top of that. I asked for a 3rd option...staying home all week was a possibility.

I had been hiding my face in a pillow. Master told me to look at Hime. He said He knew I had not done this on purpose, that I was asked about the parties, wanted to go and said yes without thinking. That is what most people do, but not me. I belong to Him, I ask for permission before making plans. I need to remember that. So, I chose the spanking.

He tucked me in (again), picked up the acrylic paddle and let it fly. It was harder than manitenance and much longer. I was apologizing and asking for it to stop, and had tears in my eyes when He finally stopped. His fingers started to roam again, as He told me, it was a good thing we had this discussion today, not after the fact or on the day of the events. The consequences would have been harsher. I started to squirm and let out a shudder, He pulled out His hand, and reminded me...no permissions when I am being punished.

Master then said that the next time I plan without permission , I will have to cancel, no matter what the occasion. He asked if I knew He would do it...for some reason I answered probably. He reminded me not to test Him, we are beyong that, and I will not be happy with the result. Consistency and follow through are 2 of Master's strong points, I know that, and I have to admit, it is reassuring.

We then had some hugging and kneeling time before we said good by.

On the diet front I gained 1/2 pound, not bad for a weekend away. I am still within my 2 pound range, but just barely. I will have to enjoy the conversation more than the food at my parties.

abby

gently powerful

I made a quick trip to visit my oldest (3 year old) grand-daughter and her baby brother this weekend. She was in her very first 'christmas concert' and I just could not miss it. It was well worth the trip. She was great, and we got to decorate the tree, make a gingerbread house and celebrate her mommy's birthday! Christmas magic is seeing it all through the eyes of a 3 year old!

Thursday afternoon Master and I met for some spanking fun. I enjoyed a lovely hand spanking and a few permissions, and we enjoyed each other's company in a lovely way.

On Friday, Master asked me to come over again. I was told to get naked and kneeling while He cleaned up. It took Him a while, and I started to get bored, let my hands slip from their proper position by the time He came into the room. He gently reminded me of their place. Little did I know that...gentle...would in a sense be the theme of that afternoon.

Master approached me and started to rub and massage all over. Then He gave my nipples a little squeeze, and started to gently circle them. At first I could barely feel His touch, as I relaxed and focused, I started to feel His gentle rubbing affecting me all over. He was quietly talking, reminding me that is how He touches my clit, as He continued, and I could not help but start to squirm. Master wondered out loud if I might need a permission before I even finished the kneeling time...it was getting close when He stopped and called me over to Him.

He told me to sit on His lap, I always hesitate a bit, worried about how I will fit. He told me to sit with my back to Him, my legs stretched apart as much as possible. I was strugging with keeping my legs apart, when He suggested I get the ottoman to rest them on. Then, He started again, very gently, one hand on a breast and the other in my pussy. Nothing rough or fast, just slow and easy and gentle. He was nudging at my neck and talking sofly into my ear at the same time. It was soon sensation overload, and I could barely contain myself.

I hear master say power can be applied gently, and still be powerful. I am panting and squirming. I need a permission! Master says He will count to 10 and I may cum when he get to 10. I don't hear a thing and I ask Him to please start counting. He does, and takes a long time to get to 10. I manage to time myself and explode on the sound of His 10. (I am so surprised when that works!) Of course one was not enough and it took me a while to quiet down and breathe again.

I told Master that was an amazing afternoon! He always finds a way to surprise me....and with the hope for more surprises like that how can I not be "good". I almost forgot, I loss 1 pound on Friday, and that was my reward...sure beats a gold medal!

Hope you all have a good week, Christmas parties are on my agenda...wish me luck with my weigh-ins.

abby

Before and After thoughts

After I had talked to Master this morning and we decided to meet early this afternoon, I started thinking about types of spankings. Way long ago when I first typed in the word "spanking" in a search engine, I was thinking OTK and maybe a hand or brush, and some spanking, resulting in a slightly sore bottom. Boy have I learned a lot!

Today, I was wondering what Master had planned...a welcome home spanking since I had just returned late yesterday....a maintenance spanking since today is Monday and He had decided before I left that MM's were a good idea...I knew it would not be a punishment since I had gained (1 and a half) but was still under my 2 pound limit...hmm...or maybe a surprise. I had my butterflies all fluttering by the time I was knocking on the door.

First...hugs...Master always says never too many hugs, and His hugs are real big bear type hugs. He then showed me what He had accomplished on His remodel project while I was away. Then it was kneeling and naked time, with Master for some "just us" time. Master reclaiming all of me, and me reclaiming my submission. Of course, Master can never resist some nipple play (torture), and I am getting used to it....

M&M day Master proclaimed. Maintenance I asked...that is what Monday's are for, every week, no guessing when or forgetting. He had me lean over the arm of the sofa. I groaned as I felt the cool, hard, smooth surface of a large paddle. (It was a large paddle ball paddle, that I hate.) Maintenance is not supposed to be fun...it is a deterrant to a punishment, He repeated once again. I was having difficulty wrapping my head around...no warm up, not being spanked in over a week, and that darn paddle. He did not start off slowly or easily, and it did not take long efore I was rising a little...He warned me and put His hand on my back. I was strugging, it HURT and I could not get above it.

After a swat, Master told me to thank Him. I hesitated, and He swung harder. I thanked Him, and He continued, waiting for my Thank You Sir. I finally just put my head down and quietly repeated the Thank you without prompting. Good girl, I just saw all the resistence leave your body. You might as well accept your spanking, you can't really resist, and I do know what you need. ( all of which I know, but sometimes it is just so hard). After just a couple more I was allowed up and invited over his lap.

A hand spanking, after a paddling, is like a gentle tap. But I love Master's hands...wherever they choose to spank or roam. It took very little time for Master to inform me I was swollen and wet...(wonder how that happened??) I was soom squirming and panting...Master says he knows
I want to cum, but I should relax and enjoy (HUH??). I try, and I do slow down my breathing and try to slow myself. Master stops and pulls out my large toy and starts it vibrating and thrusting in...just enough to get me right to the edge. He says,,,,6 hard thrusts and you may cum. He starts with one slow hard one, the two..another slow and hard one,
I am not sure I am going to make it to 6. Master lets out a small chuckle and quickly thrusts 4 more times and gets to 6! I am off and flying, and Master keeps me there til I just need to breathe.

As I am still lying over His lap, I ask if maybe I can have a 5 pound leeway instead of just 2. The no comes quickly, He says I have worked too hard, to gain that much back, 2 pounds and I have used 3/4 of it already.
So then I ask if I can cut back to 1 weigh in a week, another quick no. Everthing stays the same. I know He is keeping me from back sliding, and that is a good thing. I just would like more wriggle room, not that wriggle room is usually a good thing for me, but it is nice to have.

I can finally sit up, more hugs and chat, some kneeling and Master tells me how proud He is of me. He knows I only lost this last 10 because he wanted it. Then it is back to the real world time.

On my way home, my thoughts are that I am glad maintenance is over with for this week, and hopefully I can get through this month without going over my 2 pound limit. I am not sure that will happen, but I am sure what will happen if I go beyond the 2 pounds, so I will try. I also realize that I have finally come home, to where I belong, to whom I belong, and it is such a good, safe place. I feel more relaxed, more ready to face this busy month, more like "me".

abby

More catching up....

I returned from visiting my son, daughter in law, and grandaughter today. It was a fun week. My grandaughter has become a little girl, no longer a baby, thankfully she has a baby sister on the way. But she did keep me very busy, and when she napped, I tried to help her mom out with laundry, and cleaning and baking for the holiday. I put in no blog time, and yes I did miss you all and think about you.

First I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, filled with family, friends and of course, great food. We celebrated on Friday due to the fact that my son is a fireman and daughter in law a NIKU nurse, and had to work the holiday. We had a wonderful meal, looked back on the happy times of the past year, and ahead to more good times.

A big THANK YOU to the three people who nominated me for a VBA award. I apologize, since I have not learned how to link to your blogs from here, that is on my to-do list..."Hidden Slave", "Composing Us", and "An Awakening Dominant", I promise you a link as soon as I get my act together! I will not be nominating from here, I follow many of you, and think you are all great. Anyone who is willing to put themselves out here and share deserves an award. I will list 7 things about myself:

1. I am a frog collector. When I was teaching I would wear something
that had a frog on it every day. My grandkids, have lots of frog
clothing.

2. I always wanted to teach at the primary level. Until one of my
principals convinced me to try Junior High. I loved it...a
challenge and a new beginning every day.

3. I am a "crosswordholic". I complete at least 3 a day.

4. Orange is my favorite color.

5. I always dreamed of creating new jeopardy boards, all with a
theme.

6. I am the oldest of 4 children. The quiet and conservative one.

7. I have never understood why chocolate and ice cream do not have
a larger space on the food pyramid!



That's it for now, I need sleep!

abby

catching up on the week

I have been meaning to post a couple times this week, but have been trying to get lots of other things done also, and they won out. One of those is my Christmas shopping. When my 3 children were little , I always had a goal of being finished by Thanksgiving...they were all born in December...yes poor planning, or no planning. This year, I decided to try again, and I am almost there!

When Master and I talked on Tuesday, He reminded me that my original target date for my recent diet goal was Thansgiving day, not the end of this week. I had decided to try for that goal, but He would only hold me to the original goal. In a way that was a relief, I still wanted this to be a really good week, but knowing I had more time eased the pressure.

Yesterday, Master was in the mood for nipple play, to be honest I am rarely in that mood. But, I have grown to relax a little and breathe...and even start to squirm. When I walked in Master was proud to show me the new yard stick He had acquired. I tried to show a little sincerety when I said it was such a nice yard stick....you can probably guess how that came off.
So, after my kneeling time, I was over the end of the sofa with the yard stick in His hand. It was very stingy, He tried it from near and from far...still stingy. Not like a large paddle, but I kept thinking a warm-up would really have helped.

Finally He had me go over His lap for a hand spanking. Lately he seems to be adding a warm-up after an initial spanking, but I love His hand so I will take it any time I can get it! He decided to play with my nipples while He was spanking me. He was going from one to the other, pulling tugging, pinching, not extremely hard. His fingers went to check and since I was starting to respond He decided to just play with my nipples. He was being gentle, circling, rubbing, massaging, and I was actually relaxing. Before I knew it, I heard this voice say, harder Sir please! He was only too glad to oblige. I have to admit, I felt that connection between my nipples and my clit, they were talking to each other! Master added a little extra, and I was off to the land of orgasms.

After I had landed and could breathe again, Master decided to give me an assignment for that evening. I was to play with my nipples until I was reading to cum, and only then could I ask for permission. Honestly, I wasn't sure I could do it. I asked, what if I can't, He said you can and you will. Last night, I sat for a long time, thinking about it, and knew I just had to start. I started slowly and gently, and remembering the afternoon , I could feel myself start to get wet and ready. I did stop and text Master for permission and waited. I usually get a quick reply, so I continued, when I had no reply and I was starting to near the point of no return, I decided to stop. No cuming without permission was one of Master's first rules...one that I had difficulty with. It has been a long time since I have crossed that line, and I have no desire to again. I did eventually get a permission, but I was ready for bed, and just replied with a good night.

My weigh in today was a minus 2.3 pounds! Master was very pleased, and although I am not at the goal, I am only about 1/2 pound away. Master had promised a flogging, rope, cuffs...session if I reached my goal, so I figured that was off the table, for now. We did not get our noon time chat in, but mid afternoon I get a text....flogger! Sometimes He is a softy!

Our afternoon, was amazing. Wrist and ankle cuffs, rope, and a blindfold. As I am laying there, I feel wood on my bottom, my head jerks around and Master chuckles and says...not what you were expecting. After lightly using several of His paddles, I feel the swoosh of the leather strands down my whole body. I instantly relax and let out a moan. Master says..guess I finally got it right!

He then stops and says He will be right back. He gets a toy to insert into my pussy and tells to be sure it stays put. Then He gives me what I have been craving. A long, hard, all over flogging. I can just feel all of the tension being pushed out of my body, all my muscles relaxing, my body just going with each swish. As I am floating, there is a short stop, and then I feel Master's whip. I am not surprised, Master loves His whip, and after a flogging, I can adjust to the change in sensation. I finally hear 20 more hard ones. Then He is rubbing and massaging and saying how hot my back is, and how it is so nicely welted. Master moves on to giving me a good hard release or two or three. I could feel all the sensations of the afternoon come crashing down on me and as I came, I also cried. I am always surprised and a little embarrassed when that happens. It takes me a while to get my bearings.

Master always movers right in, holds me, talks softly to me, telling me that is the best compliment I can give Him, my total release, giving up total control. The first time it happened I was scared, it totally takes all of my energy. I finally was able to speak and move. Master untied me and removed the cuffs, but kept the blindfold on. He had me get up and kneel with it on while He continued to speak softly and rub. Finally He removed the blindfold and I felt blinded by the bright light. After more hugs, I told Master I had a small confession to make.

When I ask or get a permission it is supposed to be used. So I told Master I had not used my permission last night. I explained that I did not want to cum without permission, so I had stopped playing with myself, and them it got late and I was tired. He said He was not surprised, whe he got my good nite, right after He sent my pemission. He was pleased that I did not cum without permission, and said I could have the 15 minute rule. It is a rule that I had a few years ago, and lost the privilege. If I don't get a reply in 15 minutes, I may cum. I said it was a dangerous rule. He smiled and said You have come a long way, You can handle it now.

I am flying to Boston tomorrow to see my 2 year old granddaughter and to help my daghter in law. She is pregnant and works overnight in a preemie extensive care unit, and is hosting Thanksgiving. Hopefull she can get more sleep and I can teach my little sweetie how to bake pies! If I don't get a chance to say this later....hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Among the things I am thankful for....your friendship and acceptance.

abby

M & M (s)

Sorry, my title is not refering to those tempting little hard coated candies filled with chocolate, peanuts, almonds, peanut butter, or at this time of the year peppermint. Can never eat just one. Today was Maintenance Monday...M & M day.

I returned Master's "Beauty" books today. I had a lag between reading the 2nd and last one, due to having to finish a book for my monthly book club. The third one was my least favorite, but am glad I persisted since I liked the ending.

When we started maintenance Master decreed, I was to be the one to mention it each week, and find a time. Since Master views it as a deterrant to punishment, it never made much sense to me to have it happen at the end of the week. But, I often would not mention it til near the end of the week. I was determined this week to mention it today, Monday.

When I arrived at Master's we started with the kneeling "ritual". He reclaims all of me, I relax, and let myself just be. After I crawled over His lap, Master started with a wonderful hand warm-up. I don't always get one, but I always want one! Master commented that He thought it was the first time we had maintenance on a Monday. I replied,,,,M & M day. He chuckled and said He liked that...we should always have an M & M day, so looks like maintenance will be on Mondays.

Master then decided to search my "meager" bag of toys. I don't have many spanking toys in there, the first one He pulled out was a paddle shaped like a frog. ( I am a frog collector). It is light and stingy, so I said that would work. After about 10 swats Master was asking if I was asleep yet. He reached in and pulled out my short strap, but it is difficult to use OTK. I thought that was it, but he found a spatula. I forgot that was in there. Spatulas can have a big sting. But Master was not liking it, so I had to get up and fetch the plastic paddle. He tucked me in , and proceeded to paddle my bottom for too long a time. it was a hard paddling, one designed to last all week. (so maybe having maintenance at the end of the week, has its advantages).

When the paddling part was done, we moved on to more pleasant activities. Master was rubbing and using His talented fingers to get me wet and wanting. We were chatting, and I finally said, You could concentrate on what your fingers are doing. His reply was, "she" is mine as is all of you, I will play with "her" as long as I want. So I continued to try to breathe, and carry on my part of the conversation. Finally, when I was really struggling, Master revved it up, and I finally hear....cum for your Master. I don't have to be told twice, I was off and soaring.

After I was back, we discussed my diet goal. Master started by telling me that maintenance would still be weekly, even if I am not trying to lose. I lost 1/2 pound over the weekend. Not a gain, but I was hoping to get to the goal by Friday. I need to lose 3 more pounds to do that. I was hoping Master would extend the deadline, I have been trying really hard, at least for the past couple weeks. He is sooooooo stubborn. "Just make it happen", I hate those words. If I do lose the 3, I get a break until after the first of the year, and then I get to decide if I want to continue. Master also added today...that a flogging, blindfold, and rope would be in my near future. That is so unfair, I love those!

When I got home I walked the bike path trying to decide if I could do this...lose the 3 pounds. At first I was mostly thinking He's nuts, He's so stubborn, this is too hard. But by the time I got home, I had decided I had to at least really try, it is only 4 days. So I will be exercising twice a day, drinking lots of water, and watching my intake closely. Wish me luck!

abby