finally home again!

After spending most of yesterday at 2 airports, I am finally home again! It was a wonderful time. I was able to witness the newest little one's first smiles..so far, she seems to be a very calm, easily contented baby. Her 2 year old sister, is constant motion and everlasting energy, I am one tired grandma! As luck...or maybe no luck...would have it, on the day I returned Master left for a business trip. He had mentioned the possibility last week, then thought He would be here, but then finally had to go. He'll be gone a few days, I have plenty of things to catch up on, but it seems like a long time since we have been together. One my list of to-dos today is to try and catch up on what you all have been up to... hugs abby

plus 1!

Yikes, I logged on to get a quick post up and find blogger has gone and updated...I hate change, especially when I barely know what I am doing here! The happy news....new little grand-daughter arrived the day after I got here...great timing! She is beautiful...of course...and very laid back, seems to like to observe what is going on around her. Her "big" sister seems to be adjusting, about as well as a 2 year old can! I am exhausted at the end of each day.... I have been here a little over a week, have a flight out next Tuesday. Master and I have been in touch every day. Until today I was doing quite well, missing Him, but keeping up with my tasks and knowing this is where I need/want to be right now. This afternoon, I felt myself just wanting to touch, smell, feel Him....soon...not soon enough but soon.. I have not been reading many blogs, hardly any, hope you are all doing fine. Will catch up with you soon... Did I mention I got her to smile at me twice today! hugs, abby

Happy Birthday Master!!!!

Yesterday was Master's birthday. We celebrated, but not the all out, empty the bag intense session that we had planned. My back is slowly, very slowly getting better, so we did not want to chance setting me back, or having to worry about positions. Also I am leaving tomorrow for some time in Boston, awaiting a new addition to the family..she can come anytime after tomorrow...the sooner the better!

Master's birthday was toned down a little, but with a promise of the use every toy in the bag session when I return. After a happy birthday hug and some chat, Mastered noticed I had a a gift bag with me. I had bought Master ( Us!) a tawse. I have read about them in blogs, and they are leather, which I love, and have been wanting to try one. I was soon naked, and in a comfortable position. Master praised the leather handle, the way it felt, the fit and the flexibility...I loved the feel of it. He started off slowly, and increased strenght slowly. It could be my new favorite toy!

Then, Master announced it was time for His birthday spanking. I would get His age (over 50), with His hand and with the cane. I was surprised and asked if I could choose one...no, this was His birthday, but He would let me choose which one first. That was an easy one...hand first, a warm up is always a good thing! He spanked me in decades, making the spanks match his feeling for each decade. I then got to stretch, and He picked up the cane, looked at me and said...I will give you another choice. Cane or tawse? I was shocked...but my choice was.....tawse...lol...but you are not surprised!

I had to count them out loud, and they were hard, but oh....so much nicer than the cane! We then spent some quiet time, snuggling and anticipating my time away. When I got up to get dressed, Master told me to wait, and He dissapeared for a minute. He returned with a felt tip sharpee. I was told to sit on the ottoman, while He sat on the sofa. I was told to spread my legs, and Master leaned over and drew His first initial high, on the inside of my right thigh. He told me it was His version of a tattoo.....Yes I was stunned. All I could think of to say was...where do you get these ideas! He then told me, it is also anther tool for my tool box while I am away...I am to re-trace it every morning after my shower, and be ready to send Him a picture if He requests it, (which He did this morning) It is a definate reminder of His ownership...and easier to apply than a tattoo.

Not sure how long I will be away, I will be trying to keep up with all of you, and will post when my newest granddaughter has decided to make an appearance!

Lots of good spanks to all of you while I am away
hugs abby

OUCH....and not whay you are thinking

Unfortunately my pain is all in my back...UGH. I knew over the weekend that my back was a little twitchy...and was careful. But I slept well last night and felt good when I got out of bed. Then I dropped a piece of ham on the floor, bent to pick it up....ouch...tears in my eyes....

This is one of those weeks when I had someting planned for every day, and Sat. I am leaving to help with the new arrival...who has not make her appearance yet. So I am not a happy camper...

I sent Master a text this morning, telling Him about my back, He said I was exempt from the wii....ummmm...wii??? By noon time I was pretty grumpy so I decided to text Him instead of calling. As I was texting, He called. We chatted and He did lighten my mood.

My back seems a little better tonight...

hugs abby

a "candy cane" spanking

No, Master did not use a candy cane, or even His cane. He did use a 5 gallon paint stick.

My report Friday was down 1/2 pound... we were both pleased. I keep saying I am building up my "wriggle room", He seems to think I am headed to a new goal....any guesses as to which one of us will win this discussion?
I stand up, He has the paint stick in His hand.I am thinking nice, a warm up and that paint stick, which is stingy but in just the right way! Master has other plans. He puts one hand under a breast and starts to spank. I ouch and start to pull away. He stops and asks me what part of you is it that does NOT belong to Me?..No part Sir. Relax and concentrate..

He picks again, I am a little calmer, it is not a long spanking, as soon as He stops He picks up the other breast.Whenever and wherever Master spanks me, one side always seems to feel it more, it was this second breast today. Once He had a few stripes He could admire, He stopped, only to tell me, He intended to stripe every inch that belonged to Him.

He started with my thighs, I moved out of place once, was scolded and we started again, Thighs, shins, ankles were next. He then went down my back and each arm. I was then told to spread my legs, so He could reach inside my legs. Then He was striping my stomach and down the front of my legs. They were not hard swats.He was emphasizing a point...all of me...means all of me. When He was done and admiring the pink stripes all up and down all of me, I kept thinking...candy cane!

I was then invited over His lap. He checked to see if I was protesting too much, and said, part of you really enjoyed that. I always try to tell Him I have no control over that part...He chuckles and reminds me I have no control over any part....

After a wonderful hand spanking, a couple permissions and some kneeling time time between Master's legs, appreciating His cock, Master says He has been thinking it is time to push me a little, to stretch, to get me out of my comfort zone.

I am not entirely surprised to hear this...He has been hinting at these thoughts. We recently talked about moving forward, about me being ready to grow more in my submission. He has become much more vigilant about my using Sir...not after every sentence,but He expects it when I text or answer a question, or ask for permission. I had become a little lax about it, and have been reminded of His expectations.

I do a task for Master every day, of my choice. When He first asked me to complete a task for Him, He said a few minutes a day. In the past I have looked for and sent Him a pic, or quotes, made an alphabet book of submission, a variety of things. Lately it has been mostly kneeling time with an occasional no panty day thrown in. A little while ago, I was informed that He wanted the task to last over 5 minutes. Master has now suggested I could wear my plug on no panty days, or play with one of my toys during kneeling time. I told Him that could be discouraging to a gal. He replied,or force her to be more creative. Being able to take a hint,today I did some corner time, and will be diversifying my daily tasks.

I knew that all of this was Master's way of getting my "head" where He wanted. Master is a great believer that submission starts in my head, my thoughts need to be in the right place and He is good at getting my head where it should be. As I was getting ready to leave, Master mentioned His birthday next week...yes I have his gift well hidden in my closet....and that since it has been a while since we have had an intense, empty the toy bag session, that was what He planned for His birthday. Rope, blindfolds, whips, paddles, floggers...the toy bag will be emptied, and my limits will be tested.

As I sit there typing the words, the butterflies are starting to flutter, the thought of it is exciting...it has been a long time. But because it has been a long time, I am also a little hesitant...

Stay tuned

hugs, abby

M&M

No, not the M&M's that are filled with dark chocolate or milk chocolate or peanuts or almonds or mint or pretzels....gosh, wouldn't that be a dream job? Thinking up new fillings and having to taste test them. Oops, I am a little off the track here.

In my real world M&M is maintenance Monday. As I was kneeling for Master yesterday, He had to take a business call. He is out of town for a few days, and the call concerned His trip. Usually He leaves me to quietly wait. This time, He stayed and continued to alternate torturing first one nipple then the other with His free hand. I was trying so hard to concentrate on not making a sound, or even panting, since the phone was very close to me. I succeeded, and although I am not usually very vocal when Master is torturing my breasts, just knowing that I would be heard by one of His businees associates, added to my concentration. When He finally hung up, Master chuckled and congratulated me. Later, thinking about it, I thought that was pretty gutsy of Him.

Master asked what He should use for my maintenance spanking, I quickly said Your Hand Sir! He rarely asks, and I was not about to waste an opportunity. He chuckled and picked up my toy bag. He did give me a hand warm-up and then took out my frog paddle...it is thin and stingy, but considering it is wood, a fairly tame toy. Only Master went at at lightening speed and with sharp smacks....I was whimpering, when He said, surprise You? He had, and I should know better than to think that Master cannot turn any turn into an "evil" one.

Master then took out the plastic spatula...surprised that I had not removed it from the bag...not to self, do that next. I do not like the feel of it at all. Fortunately Master is not all that found of it, so it was a short set with it. Then back to Master's hand. Master asked if this was enough of a spanking to count as maintenance, I assured Him it was...He was not sure, but said He would let it be enough,this time.

We moved on to more pleasurable pusuits, and Master soon had me purring. He commented that I used to ask for permissions much more quickly. True, but I have learned to enjoy the journey there as long as I can! I know I need to be careful, cuming without His permission would have consequences. I was soon asking and seeing the stars. We continued to cuddle and play, talking about my future trip to Boston. Master wants me to have a schedule of tasks, since I will be gone 2 or 3 weeks, helping with a new arrival.

Master just called, He is on His way back....meetings went better than expected...YEAH!!!!

hugs, abby

Happy Easter Everyone!

I am leaving tomorrow to spend the weekend with my daughter and her family. I have the easter eggs filled for the "hunt" and all the things my grand-daughter and I will need to make a bunny shaped cake!

Earlier, this week Master mentioned to me that it was time for a fisting. It is one of those words I love/hate to hear. I first learned about fisting when I was first reading about spanking and BDSM..and thought who would want that...how is that possible? (yes, it was not that long ago, either). Eventually when I started reading blogs, I learned that it is indeed possible, and could be extremely enjoyable. Different strokes for different folks, but not for me. Then one afternoon when I was extremely aroused Master decided to introduce me to fisting. I was sure it was an impossibility...it was not. Relaxing was difficult, but Master does not give up, and I experienced fisting for the first time. I have to say, it is a feeling like no other...a feeling of being totally physically possessed and controlled, and yes...orgasms that kept coming and growing. It is not something we do often, and I always am hesitant, as I was this week.

Master worked late today, so I was waiting for His text to let me know He was free. When it came I replied with an OK...meaning I was on my way.
I was excited I have loss 2 pounds this week, it has been a long time since that has happened. I got there, we hugged and chatted and I was naked and kneeling. Master asked about the scale and was very pleased with my news!

Master then tells me to get over the ottoman and I see Him reach for the cane that is near it. I am confused, and start to rise up....He reminds me that when I am in position I am not to move until He tells me to. I start to say something....He says I need a reminder about my texting habits. I have no idea what He is talking about, I answered all His text, I sent all the required ones...then I hear...."ok",is not a replacement for Yes Sir. We have spoken before about being consistent with Sir. Using yeah or ok is not acceptable. I am thinking, this is so not fair...not a good place to be when facing a Master with a cane in His hand. Now I know that fair has very little place in a power exchange reationship, and it rarely is an issue, I always feel that Master is fair..not this time. I loss 2 pounds, and He is going to cane me! ( I told Him that everyone who read my blog would think He is very mean..you do don't you? He chuckled.)

Master starts in with the first six..they sting but are not hard, but my head space has me moving and grumbling. He stops and rubs and we go over the rules. Do I want to move forward, He asks me. I do, of course, then I need to remember the rules I now have. Six more, and He wants me to be more accepting, I still don't think it is fair, but I am more accepting.

Master then invites me over His lap. I get a long hand spanking, all over my bottom. Master keeps stopping to check how much I am enjoying His hand, making sure He keeps me on the edge. He then, says time for you to feel deeply submissive. I know He is getting ready ...I reply I don't think this is a good day for it, my head is not in the right place. Master carries on, determined and consistent, reminding me to relax, telling me how wet and engorged I am. I know I need to relax and accept, and I finally do...and Master is a part of me...possessing me...filling me with His hand. I feel His movement and I can feel my release start to build, and they come fast and furious, til I am trying to catch my breath and control the tremors. As I lie there, Master is rubbing my back and legs, talking softly to me, calming me, helping me to recover.

I finally am aware of where I am, and am breathing again. Yes I am sore, both my bottom and my pussy, but I do know I am owned.

May you find all those chocolate eggs, and have a wonderful holiday.

hugs abby

A good read..

No I don't mean 50 Shades of Gray, although it is in my kindle and next on my list. I hesitate to recommend books, everyone's taste is so different. "Learning to Swim" by Sara Henry is the exception. I could not put it down...you know...just one more chapter and I will make dinner.
I was surprised by the ending, and everyone in my book club gave it a 2 thumbs up....very rare...we are an eclectic group! Enjoy!

hugs abby

2 minds...almost a single thought

Master and I are often on the same wave length, or pretty close. Then there are the times, I just need to adjust my thoughts, so we are on the same wave length.

Yesterday was MM day...Monday maintenance. I had decided..while wearing that plug on Sunday...that I needed to step up a bit, get more serious on the diet front. So, after our hugs I say to Master we need to chat about my diet...He looks at me, and says...that is exactly what I had in mind also. With the raised eyebrow and that look, the one that says we are not quite on the same wave length. I start by saying I have not been trying all that hard, He says He knew that, and so does everyone else after your last blog entry...hmmm, note self, maybe I should discuss some of what I am going to reveal here to Master first. I go on saying I want to be at least at my goal weight before I leave in 3 weeks to help out with the new arrival. I figured I had to lose 2 pounds and that sounded doable to me. Master's response is I want you 2 pounds under, time to get serious again.

We discuss my exercise routine, He rubs his hands over my face and asks how often I break out in a sweat. Sweat??...UGH...hmmm...never, unless I am walking and it is very hot. He is not impressed. He also reminds me,,,and I agree...I do not do well with maintaining. When I have a goal, and am trying to lose I am much more focused...we will discuss that again after I return from my next time away.

Master then gets the acrylic piece of shelving..it is small, but very OUCHIE! He says maintenance will be stepped up this week, so I can truly remember it all week. He nicely starts out with a long hand spanking, before starting in with the paddle. I get 2 sets of maybe 50 each...they are slow, hard and deliberate. He stops to rub after the first set, and then proceeds to remind me that they get harder as we get closer to the end. We finally get to the end, and Master says, do you feel like you have been punished? Except for the fact the He warmed me up....and it does make a BIG difference, it did have that feel, but not the pain.

Master then reminds me there is another difference between maintenance and punishment...no "fun" after a punishment. I am of course, wet and ready, and Master rather quickly gets me to the needing permission point.
As I am panting and coming back to reality, Master bends over and says quietly to me...Thank you for being my other half...HE knows how to melt me with actions and words.

have a good week...hugs abby

scattered thoughts

Hope you all had a fun, relaxing weekend! Cold and rainy here, but it is April!

Words have always been important me...I taught english for years, I have always loved word games and crossword puzzles. One of the things that I first noticed about Master was He knew how to use words..written and oral. He could reply to anything I threw at Him, He was great at role plays. He knows how to use words (and tone), to arouse, to make me sorry, to melt me. This weekend I was thinking about how, the same word can arouse different feelings, depending on who and how it is used.

One of the first times I realized this with Master was the first time He called me baby. Now,I grew up when being an independent, in charge female was the goal. I pretty much achieved that in all parts of my life, until I met Master. He calls me baby...anyone else I would have let them know, that I am a woman, not a baby, ranting on about why they should never call me baby. With Master, I could feel myself melt...Mater insists that inside every woman is a little girl who wants to be taken of, cuddled, to be held accountable. I am not sure it is true of every female...amybe...but I have learned it sure is true for me.

I am holding steady on my weight, staying within my "safety zone", but I will admit that I have been only half heartedly trying. Master realizes this also, and is being encouraging, reminding me, He only expects me to stay within my safety zone, and to exercise 5 days a week. My last session with Master was with my toy bag! It is a small bag, and Master commented they were all light smacking toys, I reminded Him it was MY bag, why would I carry in something I would not at least partially enjoy?

Master started off spanking me standing up while holding on to my nipple. I am not sure He has ever done that before. I was a little off balance and kept wondering what "pain" I should concentrate on. Then it was kneeling
time and breast play, I was a little antsy...cringing and holding my breath...that does not deter Him. He always tells me to relax and concentrate on sending the pain to my pussy...like it should be easy? Then it was over His lap, for a nice hand warm-up. Then Master started digging through my bag. The first thing He found was a rubber spatula. That is one item I meant to remove....it really stings. Luckily He tired of it quickly, and found a small flogger type toy...that was great. Relaxing, tingling, just right! Then cam my frog paddle...I am a frog collector. Lots of frog items and clothing surround me. This was a paddle ball toy, with the paddle being a frog. It is light and packs just the right amount of sting. At this point Master started complaining about the "lightness" of my toys.

Master then pulled out my small leather strap. I was nicely warmed up, so I was more than ready for it. The few sets with it were wonderful. Master then decides to check and see if I am really enjoying my toys. I am! He continues to use his talented fingers getting me squishy wet. He comments on my self-control....It just feels so darn good, I don't want Him to stop, altho I know I won't be able to hang on much longer. That is when Master switches to more spanking.

When He feels He has warmed be back up sufficiently, He goes back to bringing me to the edge of cumming. He keeps me there for a bit, til I finally hear that I have permission....it was....toe curling! When I can hear again, I hear Master saying, keeping me on the edge sure pays off!
After some cuddle time I get to kneel and thank Master.

Today, I got into a little trouble. Master always "tucks me in" at night. His is the last voice I hear, or last text. It started a couple years ago, when I was strugging with something, and Master tucked me in to help settle me for the night. Since then it has become a routine, even when I am out of town. I usually text Him to let Him I am ready for bed...I have not missed in a long time. Last nite I texted Master for a permission to cum, had my release and went to bed. I was in a bit of a fog, I guess, thinking I had texted Him, but not remembering we had not said good night.

This morning I get a message...no good night?? I think, I sent one, checked my phone...and had not. I send back an Oops and apologized.We text about the day, and Master's last text is...wear your plug for 15 minutes to remind you to say good night to your Master. UGH....not a favorite activity. But, I say Yes Sir, and complete the 15 minutes. It does remind me that Master takes tucking me in seriously, and that makes me feel good, and as I remove the plug, I am feeling soooo very submissive.

This month is Master's birthday. I have decided on a gift. It is a new toy, one I have never seen in His bag...and it is not in mine. It is one I have wanted to try for a while now. I will let you know how He likes it, after His birthday!

Have a good week...hugs abby

where I belong...

The celebrations over the weekend were a big success. My youngest grand-daughter is ready to be a big sister, she has shirts and books with big sister themes, and a "baby doll" with all the extras. She can play mommy when her mommy is busy with the new little one. My oldest grand-daughter is now 4...and she loved every minute of it. It was hectic but lots of wonderful memories were made!

I returned to a very busy week for both Master and I. It took til yesterday before we both had time to re-unite. I was feeling a little down, Master of course had noticed, both during our chats and as soon as He saw me. The simple truth was I had really missed Him a lot, even thought it was only a weekend, I seemed to be feeling like I really needed His touch, His pressence. I told Him I had really missed Him, He smiled and said that was easily remedied, so we started with a great big bear hug! He said it is nice to be missed and needed, He was happy to hear that was my "problem".

I gained a little less than 1 pound over the weekend, that kept me in my "safety zone", we were both happy about that! Master did bring up that nasty "E" word..exercise. I am having a hard time getting back into the routine of every day, but am trying. Master has decided I need to exercise, either wii, or a dance video I have, or walking the bike path, 5 days out of every week, I can choose the days. That way if I have an extra busy day being away, I can make up for it on the weekend...and NOT just blow it off.

It was then kneeling time, with Master warming me up all over. After concentrating on my breast, I was invited over His knee. He treated me to a wonderful hand spanking. Master commented on how still and quiet I was, He must be getting weak. I was just enjoying, but Master decided to rev it up a bit, and spank me so that I moved forward a little each time. I commented that the next time He is swinging His cane, I will remind Him that He likes me to move..lOl..

The spanking had finished warming up all of me. Master barely just started touching me and I was writhing and groaning..He told me to breathe and slow down, but it felt sooo good, and I was so ready. Since my bottom was nice and warm, Master decided to contrate on my mouth and pussy, filling them and telling me relax and enjoy all the sensations. Enjoying was easy, relaxing..not so much. Master was teasing, watching me get right to the brim and withdrawing, wanting me to ask, beg for release. Soon I was begging, and He pushed me over the edge. One of the interesting occurences after Master has me cum hard for Him, is I often get after tremors. My body shakes of its own volition, like it is trying to find its way back. Master loves these, I seem to have no control over them, but they are pleasant.

Once I was lucid, and breathing calmly, we had more hugging and catching up time. I was once again calm, my spirits lifted, knowing that I was owned, that I have found the place where I belong.

hugs abby

Celebrations

I am getting ready to leave for a weekend of celebrations. My children and grandkids will all be together for the weekend. We started a family tradition with my oldest grand-daughter before her brother was born...a big sister party. On Saturday, my Boston grand-daughter gets the big sister fun! We each buy or make a piece of clothing with Big Sister on it, get her a book about being a big sister, and a special big sister toy....we have balloons and cupcakes and fun! On Sunday we are celebrating my oldest grand-daughter's 4th birthday. She is one of those little girls who seems to possess a wise old soul, is so sweet. So another party, a Cinderella cake, and more fun. I will be returning on Monday.

Master and I had our celebration yesterday. I am back to my goal weight, and have really been working at getting back to an exercise routine. We, of course, started off with some naked kneeling, and He was "enjoying" my breast...He commented that I was not squirming...I replied...with just a bit of sarcasm..oh Master, it feels so good...He chuckled and said then I should thank Him.

He then had me bend over the ottoman, bottom out and took off His belt...the sound of that always makes me catch my breath. He started off lightly and each set getting progressively harder. He stopped and I was thinking that was just right, when I hear...hang on 12 more hard ones to carry you through the weekend. I whine a little about hoping we were done, but He has started. I stay in place, by the last 3 I am ouching loudly, but finaaly he drops the belt and starts to rub.

Just as I am beginning to pant and get "squishy", I am told to get over His lap. He is rubbing and massaging, and then I feel something prickly. It is my little "wheelie"! What a nice surprise. He is rolling it all over my back, thighs, bottom, any place He can reach, I am so relaxed. Master then remarks, He does not think He has been using it with enough force. He presses harder and repeats His routes. It is not as relaxing, but is awakening different sensations all over. He tells me He is going to increase the pressure and I should let Him know when it starts to hurt. On His second time around I tell Him now, after finishing His route He stops to rub and admire the pattern.

Master then gets my large toy...the one I always say is too big. He starts to tease me with it, touching my clit, pulling back, slowly and gently going in and out, til I can't stand it...and finally get a needed permission. I end with several body tremors which Master always seems to delight in. AS I am catching by breath, Master says He hopes that gets me back quickly...He knows how to entice a gal!

I am then between His legs, submissively thanking Him. Then it is back over His lap, for a nice hand spanking. He reminds me that I am to use all of my tools while I am away, or He will be using His tools when I return..and not the ones I would request!

It was a wonderful celebration to start my weekend of celebrations. I am feeling very blessed, and now need to go bake 2 dozen cupcakes for a 4 year old party!

Have a good weekend all....hugs, abby.

in a good place...

Sometimes, not often enough, one just has to sit back and look at life, and if you are lucky enough, appreciate that you are in a good place. Tonight, as I set here, I am in a good place for a lot of reasons.

Weather! Living first in Maine then in Western NY, I learned early on that weather is unpredictable, and be ready for the worse. In the pass, March here has meant an ice storm...that cut off power for most of us for 2 weeks....back to back blizzards, over 40 inches of snow in 2 days, cold, wind...March can be unreliable, just when you think spring might be around the corner you wake up to having to shovel. Not this year, last week we had temps in the 70's, going to be in the 80's this week. I am loving it, don't even care that we will have to pay some day. I know that not all of you are being this lucky this March, with severe storms, I am keeping all of you in my thoughts.

Family! Everyone is getting along, and a new addition is expected in about 1 month. We will all be together this weekend celebrating oldest grand-daughters 4th birthday. My children work to make sure their children know and love grandma...they are so precious. My mom is doing well, starting to perk up a little and thinking about a little traveling.

Master! (you knew I would get to Him, didn't you?) On Friday I loss 1.5 pounds, stayed the same today, but I am within my "safety zone", 1 pound away from my goal weight. On Friday, I was treated to a wonderful hand spanking and some "us" time...me kneeling and showing Him my submission, and then enjoying my own releases.

Today Master and I met for maintenance. He watched me undress, usually He is busy doing something in the house. He noticed I was blushing, and laughed. I knelt for Him, and He claimed me, showed me that I was all His. He then decided to use a paint stirrer for maintenance...this was a larger one that I have ever seen. He used it first on my breasts, He likes to make the point that He can spank me anyplace....and although it did hurt, it was not over or near my limit. Then it was over His lap, for a stingy, surface spanking,,,with stops for rubbing. Master found me wet and ready, as usual, and kept me on the edge for a bit, til finally I heard ..cum for Me!. It was ...like a rumble of orgasms, one following the other, that truly left me breathless.

Then Master and I were talking. I am not sure how we got to this topic, but I found I was opening up and sharing some things with Master that I have not been able to before now. We talked and He reassured and held me, and make me feel....taken of...content...in a good place. Master then said...its been a while since you have doubted Me. When Master and I were starting out, and for quite a few years beyond that, I was often sure that He would soon realize that He could do much better than me.

I was confident in many areas of me life, I know I was a good mom, an effective and valued teacher, a friend to many, etc...but because of how I looked, and because I had kept the real 'me' deeply buried, I was certain that Master would look at me and see the error of His ways. He always reassured me, but the insicurity came back. There were times I almost pushed Him away, that way it would at least, have been my idea. Lately, I seem to have loss those insecurities. It has been almost 10 years and He is still here, He knows "me" and accepts all of me and has helped me to accept "me". So yes, Master was right I realized, I feel safe, and comfortable, and secure, and my doubts have finally taken flight. This is a very good place to be!

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to stay in this place, I want to move forward. As I was leaving, Master thanked me for being such a good submissive, for being His submissive....yes I am in a good place, and I cherish the feeling.

hugs abby

I survived

I woke up yesterday morning still tired after a very restless night. Every time I turned over, I woke up feeling the sudden pain from the caning. I thought I need coffee, then I remembered...He wants me to fast. Coffee is liquid right? So I sent a text asking if I could have my morning coffee...I got a one word reply...water. Water is not a great substitue for coffee.

As I made the fruit salad for my book club meeting, I was not in the best of moods. I kept hoping I would hear from Him , telling me I could at least eat some of the fruit. No call came. When I was ready to leave I sent a text to let Him know I was leaving, and that I thought He was mean. I made it through the pot luck, explaining that my tummy was upset, so I was not goint to eat, since we were watching a movie and discussing a book...it was not a total lie. I did text Master at noon, to remind Him it was His lunch time...one of my new keeping Him sane duties.

When I got home it was around 5...I was sore from sitting, tired, and hungry. I drank more water. I was trying to decided how early I could go to bed and sleep through the night when I heard from Master. I told Him I had been good all day..well except for calling Him mean. He asked if I had any fruit salad left over, I did. He told me to have a bowl when we finished, and asked if He had made His point. He had...punishing twice in a row for the same reason is NOT a good idea, He alsays ups the ante, He gets His way, and will do whatever it takes. I know that is several points, but I wanted to cover all the basis. I had a delicious bowl of fruit and went to bed calmer. I did manage to sleep almost all nite without waking up.

Sitting today is not as painful as yesterday, but my thighs and that spot just below my bottom still is very sore. I guess when you get 100 with a cane, it stays with you for a while. I can't believe I survived 100...very glad He did not tell me ahead of time how many He had in mind. This will be the first time that I am still sore on day 3 after a spanking, Master knows how to make a lasting impression.

hugs abby

Striped...

Master often surprises me...often they are good surprises, then like today, there are the not so good surprises. Master would say today should not have been a surprise, and maybe..He is right.

My weigh in today was stay the same. I figured, for a weekend, that was OK. When we talked at lunch, Master told me to text Him at 3 to see if He was going to be able to leave work. I sent a text, asking if we would have Maintenance today. It is Monday, and I had not gained, so I figured maintenance would be on the agenda, probably a long, hard spanking since I am still 1/2 pound above my limit.

Master was able to leave, we met, as we were hugging He looked at me and said...you know you are in trouble. I expressed surprise, I had not gained it was over a weekend? His view..He had paddled me long and hard on Friday for being 1/2 pound over, and I was still 1/2 pound over...guess He did not make an impression on me. I said He had, but....not buts allowed, He obviouly did not do a good enough job on Friday, and was going to remedy that today. GULP...He was calm and determined...

I was told to get over the ottoman, hands on the floor. He went and returned with a cane. He told me if I moved out of position, He would start over, and the target would change to my thighs. I rarely get spanked on my thighs, but I know it increases the pain and burn by a lot!

No matter how prepared I think I am...the burn of that first swish always surprises me. I was determined to stay in position and keep breathing. I did not count, could not count, but was ouching and owing and groaning..but staying in position.

Finally there is a break...I hear Master say, get up and same position other side of the ottoman. UGH..not what I wanted to hear. I slowly move Master tells me to stop hesititing.When I am over the ottoman I am told to spread my legs..wide. I do, He gives me antoher swich and is pleased with the welt. He informs me His goal is to make it so I remember very time I sit to eat for the next few days, that I need to lose at least 1/2 pound. After a few sets, I hear 10 hard ones...like the others were soft???
But they are harder, I do stay in position, Master actually says He is proud of me for staying in position. I am thinking finally, He is finished.

Instead I hear, put your legs together, six more, you will count and thank me..on your thighs. I try to keep myself thinking, only 6 more. After the third one, He says, not a good welt, that one might have to be repeated..( He did not repeat it, think He just wanted to see if I reacted). We get to 5, my thighs are burning , He asks me how many more,.."One Sir"...and I get the final one. Moving and getting up is painful.

As we are hugging, Master asked if He made an impression...He did. He then tells me tomorrow is going to be fast day for me. Fast, as opposed to slow?? He continues, I am to have only water all day. I say, not tomorrow, I can't. (I know, I should have only thought that). I am going to a pot luck lunch with my book club. I plan on bringing a fruit salad, so I will stay with a good eating plan. I say, well I can eat my fruit...No just water, and He means it. My thighs and my bottom are reminding me the best answer is Yes Sir. He tells me once again, He hates punishing for the same thing twice in a row, Friday and today...I am over my limit, He will see to it that I get back and stay there...whatever it takes. He says He probably was too easy on me Friday...NOT!

I do recognize that there are times I feel the need for a harder spanking. I had been feeling that lately, but I also felt that Friday had taken care of that. Master did not see it that way, and He gets to decide.

While I was over the ottoman Mater took a pic of my bottom and thighs. He said something about posting it here, I replied I had no idea how to do that...He said He could fix that,..we will see. (or maybe not see).

On the exercise front, I have upped both the intensity and time on the wii. I also have an ABBA dance disc, that leaves me panting, and very glad that noone is wathcing! The weather here has been fantastic..like May, so I also plan on walking the bike path. Hopefully I can get myself into a good exercise groove!

hugs abby

Upping the ante...

The title was suggested by Master, since I hate thinking up titles, I am going with it...it does seem to fit.

This has been one of those weeks when life takes over and patience is needed. I have never...still don't...do patience well.

Over the weekend, I included a note in one of my daily reports to Master. I knew I had been barely staying where I should with the weight, and although maintenance is helpful, I had been feeling that I needed more...something more intense. So I asked Master if He could rev up maintenance, for just this week. I knew I should ask in person, and would, but the note was like practicing.

My report on Monday was a 1 pound gain. Yes it was my birthday weekend, but Master had made it clear that was not to be used as an excuse for a gain. I have not gone over my limit in a while, and knew this would be excused, and I was worried about a "basement" visit...where there are no good memories or sessions. Master's project at work went a little crazy and He had to put in extra time, we did not get to settle the gain.

On Tuesday, I took a friend for a chemo treatment, it was supposed to take about 5 hours, I ended up being gone for about 10 hours, and got home totally exhausted.

Today was our first opportunity to get together. I was worried about what He had planned, but also had reached the point where, I just wanted it taken care of. After hugs and some chatting, Master told me to get naked and kneeling. I immediately let out a breath of relief, we probably would not be heading to the basement. As Master reclaimed me, He let me know that the gain was going to be dealt with, but that He was now more concerned with my exercise...or lack of it. He wants me to tone up, and also the eating part will be easier to deal with if I am burning more calories. I agree, but I hate to exercise...wish I was addicted to it, but no way.

So, Master has decided I am to exercise in some way every day...I think He meant 5 days a week. By exercise He means I need to get sweaty and ucky and in need of a shower...UGH. I can choose what to do, but it needs to be something more than a nice stroll on the bike path. Master is not one to micro manage, although He can. He prefers to set a goal...like with weight loss and let me decide how to reach it...He also provides the incentive:) or :(! He did say He could start expecting me to measure myself weekly and send it a report (no way do I want that to happen), or I could exercise in front of Him ( I know that would not be a happy time), or I can just decide to figure it out on my own. For now I am on my own...

Master then told me to get over His lap. I knew He was being kind, a punishment where I am over His lap...almost unheard of....but so appreciated! He had His green shamrock paddle..it is smallish, but thick. He started in with a fairly long set, letting me know this was His version of a warm up...we do have different definitions of that term. Then He tucked me in, and was spanking hard and fast, for what seemed like forever, with no break. I managed to not move around and keep myself from asking for it to be over.

When Master finally stopped, we chatted a bit about consequences and expectations, and then Master said, time for Maintenance. We need to rev it up a bit? I immediatly replied no, I had changed my mind. He did not buy it, and said He thought it was a good idea. We talked about submission, and pleasing Him, and how I feel when I know He is pleased with me. He said He was going to give me another hard paddling, and when He was done, I would kneel between His legs, look at Him and thank Him....and it needed to be sincere. On top of the first paddling it did not take very long for me to feel like my bottom was on fire. This was another long, hard paddling.
But, I could also feel myself relaxing inside, going to my special submissive place, feeling like my world was being put right. That probably sounds a little crazy, and I am not sure how or why it works, but it does.
When He stopped paddling I immediately knelt between His legs. He reminded me to look at Him, and I sincerely thanked Him...and did truly mean it.

We chatted a bit, about being ready to add to my submission, and if I thought my plate was full. He also let me know that He expects I will do everything He expects, because I want to please Him, that I should not be trying to "get away" with something. I feel I am there...at least most of the time. He then told me to get up and get His large paddle out of His bag. I found it, and nicely handed it to Him.

He had me go back over His lap, and said He would be using it more often. I groaned, and He decided to let me know how it felt. He gave me 5 hard ones, and asked how they compared with the early ones...this is a larger and heavier paddle...the burn on my bottom was re-awakened and intensified.
He then decided to check if any part of me had enjoyed His paddling. He found me to be wet and swollen, so of course, He let His fingers rub and poke and pull...and soon had me squirming and panting. He chose then to remind me that this was punishment...no permissions granted. I groaned...

So being the generous Master, He offered me deal. I could earn a permission by asking Him for 5 more hard ones with the large paddle. As I considered it, He continued to use His finger and hands to keep me "on edge". It did not take me long to realize I needed to accept His terms, and agreed. He wanted me to ask very nicely, and keep count and thank Him after each one. They were even harder than the previous ones, but I had earned my permission...or 2...or 3. He chuckled and said He should have upped the ante, and made the permission worth more than just 5 more.

After some quiet cuddle time, our time was over. Master had indeed upped the ante...the exercise ante, the maintenance ante, and the expectation ante....if we were playing poker, it would be my turn to meet the bet.

hugs, abby

time to add another candle to that cake!

Yes, this is my birthday weekend. I think one day is too little time to properly celebrate...I would like to get away with a week!


Friday morning Master sent me a text before I was even out of bed. He was packing His toy bag, and getting out of work early , so we could start the weekend with a private bithday celebration. Now that is a wake up call I could get use to!

I won't reveal my age...but when I say it out loud it sounds old...Master said it is the age inside that counts, and that is still very young. After a bithday hug, Master put the wrist and ankle cuffs on me. These are the best, they are leather, but fur lined, and just having Him put them on me, moves my mind to a very submissive place. We should use them more ofter...hint, hint. Then it was kneeling time , with Master massaging me all over, making sure I was very relaxed.

Master said this could take a while, since He was going to give me my age with the toys, I suggested that maybe each decade might be better for some of time, that gave Him a chuckle.

We started with my favorite...the large, leather flogger. He started with swirling it all over...up and down, in and out, swirling...ahhhh.
Then the flogging, mostly on my back, one set on my bottom. All too soon, even at my advanced age...He had finished with the flogger. My next favorite, over His knee for a lovely hand spanking. Of course, Master cannot hand spank, without letting His fingers roam after each set, so by the end of the hand spanking, I was nearly floating.

I am not sure about the order of the other toys, but they included, the Shamrock paddle, a wonderfle small leather paddle, a few other small paddles. Then it was up and over the edge of the sofa for the large leather strap. I had to alert Master at the end of each 10, so He could switch sides. Then, what I think is Master's favorite leather....His whip. We have not played with the whip in a long time, and yes it is leather, but I do have to adjust to its sting. Master was about to start the last set, when He said, nice and hard...right? I hesitated, but gave the Yes Sir. As soon as He finished He was quickly rubbing the sting out, and clearly admiring the design on my back.

I was then told to kneel between Master's knees, and let Him know if I had enjoyed my birthday spanking...since I had, I definately let Him know how much. I was then told to turn around , so He had access to my bottom, and Master soon had me begging for permissions...and a few were granted.
We then spent some quiet time, just recovering and enjoying each other.

It was a great beginning to my birthday weekend!

abby

service is...

...whever Master wants! Seems simple, when I stop complicating it! I solved the "keeping Master sane" dilema after my failure last Friday. In bed Saturday morning, it dawned on...He was asking me to be His secretary, to keep from losing track of time, to remind Him there are other items on His agenda....and Sarah Thorne left a comment about beng an administrative assisstant. (could someone please give me easy dierections on how to cite someone's blog when I mention them..thanks!) I figured that was a promotion up from secretary! Master chuckled when I told him about this, He said it is all service...and if an administrative assissitant is want He needs, it is how I serve Him.

I sent Master a couple texts today and left a couple voice messages, He spent most of the day in meetings. He thanked me for them, and was pleased. When His day finally ended we had "our" time. I gained 1/2 pound over the weekend, that puts me at the limit of my 2 pound above the goal. We talked about that, and He questeioned me about exercise. He has been telling me I need to get back to it...and yes, He is right...luckily I did today.

We then moved on to kneeling time, and His focus on my breasts. I was then invited over His lap. He gifted me with a fairly long hand warm-up with lots of rubbing. Since this is Monday, maintenance was also in play.
I felt the coolness of wood, and groaned, He turned it over to let me feel the bristle side...so much nicer. He then started in with it, but lightly with a slow build-up, just as I was really relaxing into it, He said, don't relax too much, this isn't the maintenance part. I asked if it could be, and we both know that would not work, I need the harder maintenance to keep me balanced.

He then 'tucks' me in, and that brush starts to fly, hard and fast.
I am ouching and tapping my feet, He was doing a thorough job. Finally He stops, and just as I start to breathe normally, I hear....10 more hard ones for not keeping me sane on Friday. They were hard and slow. finally I start to breathe again, and I hear 10 more hard ones for being at the end of your 2 pound leeway. I rise up, turn and look at Him and say...what? He replies...on, 12 more. It does not take me long to get back in position and take the 12....

Master then does His check to see if I am wet. I am and He tells me what a good girl I am. We continue on to several permissions, and end with some quiet snuggling time.

I thank Master for giving me this time, He says it is as much a givt to Himself!

I know I can do this...I can serve Master as a secretary...that is what He needs at this time. It is not nearly as complicated as I tried to make it.

hugs,,,abby

Master might go insane.....

Master is sane, but if it is my task to keep Him that way He might be in trouble.

In my last post, I wrote about my new task, to keep Master sane while He is working on His latest work assignment. That was Wednesday, I failed on Friday....one whole day.

Friday morning, I sent Master a text asking for permission for my errands. The rule is , if I don't get a reply in 15 minutes, then my requests are granted. Now I rarely do not get an answer, He is very good at sending me a quick text. I did not get an answer, but knew I could still get what I needed to done.

I call Master at lunch time every day, unless He knows that I have an appointment or for some reason cannot. On Friday lunch time rolled around, and I thought...time to call Master. Then some "demon" popped into my head and created the thought...if He was too busy to reply to a text, He is probably too busy for a call...I KNOW..I do know, that is ridiculous, and should have just laughed and called Him. I did not call.

I heard from Master as soon as He got out of work. "Why no call today?"
That was the last question I wanted to answer, but I did. The best I could do is reply, "I guessed you were too busy". I know, pretty lame, and He was not pleased...asking me if that is how I planned on keeping Him sane. I apologized and added I am not really comfortable with being the keeper of His sanity. He was less impressed with that. I promised to try harder, no to actually work harder at it, and He accpeted that.

I know, logically, that since Master wants me to do this, I am not taking control or over stepping, or 'topping from the bottom', but then why am I struggling? If I should somehow cross a line, He will let me know, He really doubts that will happen. One day, and this is supposed to be a 6 month project...so I have spent some time today trying to come up with a different mindset, and some ideas that will help me keep Him sane, and me obedient. Wish me luck!

hugs, abby

it's been a while......

Hi, I am abby....lol in case you have all forgotten...it has been a while.

I spent a week with my mom. It was good for both of us, to have the time to talk about dad, and about her, to sort through things she has not been able to do alone. We ate when we wanted, what we wanted (with me being careful not to go overboard), and just enjoyed each other's company. I went a week without internet, missed it at first, but survived.

Then it was off to Boston, it was hectic, fun and busy, My 2 year old grand daughter is all energy and movement. She loves to run, and on the second day, she tried to teach me how to run faster. How to place my feet and hands and arms, and to move them very fast....I slept well every night!
By the time I got on the computer at night, I checked email and sent my report to Master, and went to bed. I have a lot of catching up to do with all of you.

In my last post, I mentioned taking my wheelie thing with me. Its official name is a Whardenberg wheel. It is a medical tool, I believe. Mine was very unexpensive, ohhh do I love it! It is metal, has a small rolling spike wheel. Master uses it all over, with different pressure, it fits anyplace, the sensation is relaxing, awakening, sensual....just thinking about it makes me tingly!

Master and I had our welcome back time. I had so missed his smell, his touch, his feel...all of him. We enjoyed kneeling time, a wonderfully long awaited for hand spanking, a maintenance spanking...with the hairbrush. When I groaned at the hairbrush, He promised to use both sides, the soft bristle side is of course, my favorite side! LOL We had some serious re-connecting time, and some chat time.

I managed to only gain 1 pound while I was away,,,guess my grand daughter is a good influence! He was very pleased. Before I left I had been struggling with exercising every day. Once I let the routine slip, it is hard to get back to it. Master made it clear He did not care if I use the wii, or walk, or whatever, but He expects an exercise plan, and for me to get to it. I am working on the plan, I am just struggling with the motivation part, not that I want Master to get involved in motivating me.

Master was also very happy that while I was away, I was very careful to keep up with all His expectations. Those often slip a little when we are apart, but I was very alert to not letting that happen this time. Master noticed, and let me know that He was proud of me!

Master has been assigned a new project at work. He is excited about it, except for the fact that it has a 6 month dead line, and He does not think is possible. If I know Him , He will make it happen. Since He also knows Himself, He has assigned me a new task...."the keeper of His sanity"!
He wants me to be aggressive, pushy, about our time together. To really work at making it happen...He realizes this is a stretch for me, outside of what I am comfortable with, which is why He has called it a task. I am not all that comfortable with this new task, there is still a little part of me, that worries, if I cross some invisible line, He will say, it is too much, and decide to find a more suitable submissive. I KNOW it is not logical, but it is there. I am going to try, I started by texting Him more often today, He always is telling me, it can't be too much, we will see. I need to stop thinking of it as being "in control", and see it as doing what He wishes...wish me luck on that.

I hope to be catching up with all of you soon. I am not planning an extended time away until April, when a new grand daughter is due!

hugs, abby


I

hello....good bye

I returned from my visit with my daughter and her family yesterday. It was a fun weekend...My granddaughter called last night and said she was missing me already! I had a busy day, unpacking, laundry, organizing and re-packing! I have an early morning flight out tomorrow. I am going to spend a week with my mom. I am going to help her do some more sorting, organizing and cleaning... and spend some alone time with her. Over Christmas there were so many of us...it was fun, but hectic.

My son and 2 year old granddaughter are coming to get me next weekend so I can spend a week with them...I will be away for 2 weeks.

Master and I did squeeze in some time together this afternoon. We started by just sitting and chatting. I was sort of having a pity party for myself...after listening and being supportive and saying all the right things, He let me know the pity party was over!

It was time for kneeling. Master spent a long time on my breast, smushing, pulling, tugging and kneading. It actually felt right, and put my head back where it needed to be.

Then it was over His lap. He started MM day off with a warm up! I was surprised and pleased, and told Him what a nice guy, letting me have a warm up...His reply...maybe because I know you will need one. That made me think! Then it was paddling time. He did not waste time, and when I put my leg up, my thighs became the target. I settled in, and after a few sets, He stopped for some rubbing. Just as I was relaxing, He stops rubbing, picks up the paddle ....this is for that pity party...and He gives me antoher hard volley. I am ouching before He is done...but when He is, I know I am at peace.

His fingers are then starting their magic journey...He remarks I am already wet and ready. I am soon soaring and pleading for a permission or two. Master remarked that He thinks the harder He spanks me, the readier I am...

Master then assigned me 2 new tasks to do while I am away. I am to take my little wheely thingy with me, and use it to help get me ready to ask for permission. I love that little thing, it has been a while since it has been used, so I am looking forward to using it. Also I am to play with myself for at least 3 minutes each day.

I will be checking and seeing what you are all up to...

hugs, abby

a light bulb moment

Since I am leaving tomorrow for my long weekend with the grandkids, Master and I met for maintenance today. My bottom was still tender from yesterday, but maintenance happens every week, and as Master pointed out, I was the one going away.

We were chatting when I arrived, when I started to get naked, so I could kneel. Master was quite surprised, (and I think pleased) that I did not wait for Him to tell me. While kneeling we discussed yesterday a bit, and that He hoped my head was back where it needed to be.

Then I was told to lean over the sofa, feet spread wide. He said He had decided on leather today, and I heard the swish of His belt...that sound is like no other! He gave me one swat with it doubled and said that it was too "thuddy", so He started using just the end of the belt....that was REALLY stingy! After a couple He told me to count silently to 25 and let Him know when He was done. This was something new, and counting silently is harder than counting out loud, I did not dare miscount, but instead of Master keeping up with my counting, I had to keep up with His swinging. Master kept saying it's leather ...relax, and I wisely just kept counting. Finally I loudly said 25 that's it!

He congratulated me that our counts matched...I commented I did not want any extra....nor did I want to start over...He chuckled again, good thinking. Just as I was relaxing I heard Him say, time for the other side, same routine. I let out a very loud moan, I thought we were done. We were not, and I counted silently again, really really happy when I got to 25.
Master was rubbing as we chatted, me still in position. Soon my knees were buckling and I was having trouble staying still and standing. Master kindly told me to cum for Him.

We talked about the weekend, and what He expects. He gave me a couple extra tasks to complete to help me stay on track. He also reminded me that I have only 1/2 pound to spare before I am out of my safe weight zone. When I return I am in town only 1 day before I leave to visit my mom, so I am determined to make that day one with a happy Master.

My light bulb moment....last night I was thinking about Master and our afternoon. I often need time to process and think about our chats. I knew I had faltered in my rules, and maybe had been a little rebellious. The strange thing is, I had been thinking I want/need more control. What I realized last night was,,,if I can't handle...conform to...keep....obey...the rules I have, I certainly have not earned more control. A long time ago, someone told me, the more submissive you are , the more dominant your partner will want to be. It was a good time to remember that advice...and if I become more diligent in following my rules and pleasing Master, that in and of itself is more control. Hope that makes sense to someone else out there.

Have a great weekend all...

hugs,
abby

finally...settled

I have been unsettled all week. I started to post a couple times, but just could not decide what to say, how to say it, why I was feeling this way. I think it was a combination of a lot of things....

Master has been extremely busy...(He takes on too much, but that is Him, and how He always will be)....and had to be out of town for a couple days for work. I had plans to be away with a friend for some gambling, and it just has been one of those times when vanilla life really interferes with D/s. I have felt so unsettled and uneasy, I was pleased when Master returned early today, so we could have some time.

I knew He was not happy with me. One of my rules, in fact my very first rule, was to send a daily report. I will admit, they have been a little haphazard lately, but nothing was said....and I did not send one at all for the past 4 days. I did get an email asking if I had broken my hands. So I was not sure what Master had planned.

We started with hugs and catching up with any news. I was then told to get naked and kneeling, He sat on the sofa in front of me. He asked where my head has been....I said I have been a little unsettled. He said ...rebellious might be a better word. I have never considered myself rebellious, and was shocked. I tried to explain about hormones and voices and....Of course He was not buying it. We talked a little more about if I was testing, I wasn't. I know what happens when I test Him, I learned that lesson the hard way a long time ago.

I was told to get over His lap. I was relieved to be in that position, I could feel the coolness of wood. He asked if I was surprised to be in this position, I admitted that I was relieved and happy to be over His lap, even with Him holding a paddle. He then started in with it, I said I was also hoping for a warm up..He said this was it. I got a couple rounds with the paddle, then we chatted some more. He said I had been disobedient, and I could not argue. The word shocked me, and I realized I had been...with no good excuse. I immediately was ashamed and felt the tears. Master tucked me in and said 12 more hard ones, and we are done with this punishment. When He finished we talked some more, about how displeasing Him makes me feel, and that we are pass any testing or disobedience over such a long standing rule. He makes the rules He decides if they are no longer needed.

As we were chatting His fingers were roaming and rubbing and getting me very wet. Master then asked if I had kept up with my exercise over this past week. Silence....then a quiet...not quite. How many days did I miss....2. He picked up the paddle and gave me 10 more hard ones for the first day, and 20 more for the second day....He reminded me the rule is at least 30 minutes 5 days a week.

Master then went back to letting His hands get me panting and squirming....I was shaking with need before He finally gave me permissions to cum. He told me that neither of these spankings count as maintenance, we will get to that tomorrow. I am leaving on Thursday to go see my 3 year old grandaughter and her 7 month old brother for a long weekend.

Master then had me kneel and think about what we had discussed while He worked on finishing a small project. I was told to clear my mind of anything else. I did and found myself relaxing and being settled.

I am His submissive, this journey with Master has been so much more than I ever dreamed possible. Disappointing Him is what unsettles me....After I helped Him with a small project..and got my first lesson in electrical work....we hugged...and I told Him I was very sorry. He told me I was forgiven, it was done, we are back on track.

hugs abby

I may be having a change of heart.....

My weigh in on Monday was...stay the same. Not bad for a weekend and not a gain. I was pleased, Master was satisfied...barely.

When we talked Monday I asked if we could return to M&M day...maintenance Monday. He said certainly. (I did it, I asked, and I got maintenance scheduled...and it was not all that hard.) As usual, we started with some kneeling time, or as Master calls it...tuning everything but Us out time. It was not long before Master was assaulting my nipples, He seems to be especially interested in them lately. Then it was over His knee for a....chat. (LOL)

He started by complementing me that I had not crossed my ankles. I am more aware of trying to not cross them. Then as He was tapping the paddle on my thighs we started to discuss...exercise...or the lack of it lately. I got side tracked over the holidays and just have not been able to talk myself back into the routine. Master has decided to help me with that. As He continued to tap, He started to ask when I would start again...the longer it took for me to answer, the more He tapped. "We" finally decided I was to start today, for at least 30 minutes. ( I did...33 minutes). He said every day, but I am hoping He meant 5 days a week. I will have to check to check on that.

Once that was settled, it was spanking time. He started with a couple sets, of moderately hard spanks with His little paddle. He always asks me why we have maintenance and wants me to voice that it is to remind me of my submission, and to help avert any major punishment. He then says, last round will be slow and hard, He wants each one to set in. He rarely spanks me slowly, it was interesting. He would wait between each swat, rubbing the paddle lifting it, and waiting some more. They were definately much much harder. I was never sure when they were coming, I think as soon as I relaxed a little was His signal...now! It look a while to get all of the last 10 done.

Master then told me to straddle him, facing Him. He laughed and said, I see your wheels turning...what is He up to now? I was given a very long lesson in the pleasures of nipple play....using tongue, mouth, and even teeth. When He finished with one breast, I could feel my wetness, as He started on the second one, He asked if I ever thought I could cum just from breast play...uh..no. By the time He finished I was so ready...so I may be having a change of heart about breast play.

I was then turned around, straddling Him, but facing out....was told to keep my hands behind me, while He brought me to the edge. I did start to move my hands, to maybe help out a little, but was soon told to put them back. By the time I was hearing that I had permission, I was reading to explode...and I did. I was not quiet, but oh....when one is exploding it is hard to be quiet. Master sure knows how to encourage me to keep my good girl streak going...lol.

I want to follow up on PK's blog entry about reading other blogs and commenting. I do not have a blog roll, I have tried, but I am so computer illeterate it never seems to work for me. There are so many wonderful blogs out there, and it seems more every week. I read all types, I think it is interesting to see our differences, but even nicer to see how we are all alike. There are a few that I visit regularly and others that I get to as often as possible. If I hear of a newcomer I try to visit and comment, I know that a welcome is encouraging.

I do read a lot more than I comment. I feel bad that I don't comment on everyone that I read, but there is only so much time. If a topic cathes my eye, if I feel I have something to add, if I have time, I comment. I do reply to all who are kind enough to comment on my blog, it is nice to feel we are conversing.

I do travel...to visit family quite a bit. There are times when I am absent for a couple weeks. During that time I read, but usually do not post or comment.

Thank you all for reading and to those of you that stop to comment thank you twice! I feel I have learned a lot, and met some wonderful cyber friends!

hugs abby

a jumble of thoughts

I have been thinking about what to write for 3 days. It's not that I could not think of anything, it's that I have too many thoughts swirling around in my head. I finally decided to just start writing and see where I end up.

Last week was very busy. our MM (maintenance Monday) did not happen until Friday. When we first started maintenance Master decided that I was "in charge" of making it happen every week. It took me a while to accept that, and Master helped by reminding me and asking me the right questions. Although I am never totally comfortable being the one that "makes it happen" I did get used to it. ( Master's reasoning is that I need to learn to ask for what I need....there's another post!) Lately I have been struggling with it. Master has nudged me, and helped. Last week when I mentioned maintenance on Wed. Master replied that mentioning it did not constitute making it happen. I know, in my head, that I am not really in charge when I make maintenance happen...I am doing what Master wants me to do. It is still difficult and I struggle with it.

Back to last Friday, we started with kneeling time, Master paying lots of attention to my breast. I know many of you love breast play. I am getting more used to it, but it takes a lot of concentrating and breathing. Master then had me get over His knee for a wonderful hand warm-up. Before the spanking starts I get a hard slap on a thigh. I look up and say what? He is pointing to my crossed ankles. Last week I was allowed a pillow between them to keep them apart..no more pillow. I quickly uncrossed them, and Master said the count goes up next time. Then I relaxed into a wonderfully long hand spanking.

Master then asked if I wasnted maintenance before or after some more enjoyable activities. Knowing how mellow I am after I chose before. I stood and leaned over the ottoman and felt cool wood on my bottom. After a couple sets, Master tells me to count...quickly...and thank Him after each one and we will be finished with maintenance. I get to 7 before I hesitate, the next three I ask for quickly. Then it is on to more pleasant activities. Master has been using, and having me use the large toy He bought me different ways. It has been interesting, and challenging.

For a long time I have had to do a task for Master. We started with anything I chose, and it could be only a few minutes. some of the things have done include kneeling time, corner time (rarely), written stories, sent Him interesting pictures, and when I am feeling a little lost, laying in bed time.
A while ago Master decided that the "task" was to be at least 5 minutes, and laying in bed....really was not on the approved list...lol..what a surprise. Last week Master started assigning me new tasks...guess He was bored with my repetition. He did not like the word task...thinks it has a negative concept...He tried assignment, but to a long time teacher, that means work. I like to think of it as spending time pleasing my Master.

Over at "Finding Sara"....(sorry I don't know how to link)...there was an interesting discussion this week on the "Dilemna of Need". When I was pondering what to write about, the feeling of neediness was high on my list. I have struggled with it the past couple weeks, and have been trying to decide if the feeling has more to do with want than need. It's an interesting discussion, and once again helped me to realize I am not alone or unique in my various feelings. Many of us seem to have trouble with asking for what we need.

Have a good week all,
hugs,
abby

re-connected!

It had been over a week since my last spanking, not too long ago I never thought I would ever say that. Now, a week is a long time. As Master said, life has a way of taking over. My back was hurting, He is really busy at work, I had to help a friend unexpectedly yesterday, etc....you all know, life!

This afternoon was finally "our" time. As I was kneeling and naked, He remarked, your head is not in the right place. Master is a great believer that submission is in large part head space..it starts there. I agree, only those voices...the ones PK gives names to....sometimes take up too much room. He was really giving my nipples a work-out, and I was having a difficult time settling in to it. Which made for an extra long nipple session...He is not one to give up or let me off the hook. I was finally relaxing a little and more accepting.

I am then told to lean over the ottoman, legs spread, bottom out. He asks if I know what this spanking is about. I say, for a mere 1/2 pound. He corrects me, I am 1/2 pound above my wriggle room, but 2 and 1/2 above my goal, I need to get back to my goal. He is also tired of this up one week and down the next. He s rubbing my bottom and asks again, what are we addressing? I hedge a little, but finally agree that I am more than 2 pounds above my goal. He says He wants some of that gone by Friday, and if I gain any next week, my rules will change...not for my benefit. I sort of want to ask how, but know better. He has me stay in position , while He goes to choose His toy for the day.

He returns with a cane. He is giving me sets of 6, then switching sides. I am not settled, and flexing my legs, and moving. He warns me to stay in position. I manage to heed His warning, and He is more pleased with the next set. I get a few more sets, and He asks what I need to do. I say get back to my original goal, no gaining. He asks if He should put the cane away I say, yes please, Sir. He asks if I am sure, I am. (One of these days, I might just shock Him and say, no, more please.)

He tells me to stay in position, while He puts it away, and returns to rub and probe and see if any part of me enjoyed my caning. He chuckles and says...pain slut. It is the first time He has called me a pain slut. I don't really consider myself one, compared to lots of others, I feel I am a real wimp. But I was wet and ready.

Master has me kneel between His legs, and we enjoy more submissive activity. I was introduced to oral sex late in life, and was never inclined to think it would be something I would care for...or enjoy. Guess one can teach an old "dog"...or sub...new tricks. Master then has me climb into his lap facing Him, and tells me I need to make myself cum, in that position. It takes me a while to even find a position where that is even remotely possible, and after lots of attempts, I find a rhythm that seems to work. Master is giving me permission, and I am off, and spent. I lean into Him, and we are molded together for a while.

He then tells me to get over His lap, so He can rub my bottom. I am like jello and it feels so good. We chat and Master says He was surprised by and pleased by my entry on Spanking Olympics. I know He reads here, we don't discuss all of my entries. He said it seemed like a change for me. I said, I don't share all of my weird thoughts...He thinks I should. Anyway, He said, I should invite any of you out there who would like to take part in a cyber Olympics. We could set up a challenge or event, and report.

Our time is over...my head is back to where it needs to be. My bottom is sore, but not throbbing, so I am a happy sub, and a very lucky one , also.

abby

booorrrriiinnnggg!

No spanking or fun news, but I decided to post anyway..

I am having trouble posting on a few of your blogs, all I get is a white page. Some are working fine. Most of you know how computer illiterate I am, so any help would be appreciated.

I am sitting on some heat, but not from my bottom. I pulled something in my back last Wednesday. It has happened before, but this time instead of taking it easy, I decided to try and walk it away. Do no try this approach. It is feeling like it is getting better today, more stiff than sore, and the heat..and pain killers...are helping. Last night I actually could roll over and not catch my breath. Hopefully I will be good as new...err old...soon.

Winter has arrived here. It is about 6 weeks later than usual, and could have stayed away permamently. I have always lived where there are 4 distinct seasons, and love to see the change. As I get older I think winter is great...on Christmas day!

Otherwise, boring is the word. Hope you are all having a much more interesting weekend that I can read about!

hugs, abby

spanking Olympics??

This morning I awoke early and could not get back to sleep. As my mind wondered, it went to places that left my grinning, and thinking good thing noone can read my mind. This is a silly post, sharing my eaarly morning mind wanderings.

I quickly realized that my bottom was still sore. I figured that it was 5 days in a row with a sore bottom, a record for me! Then I thought, that probably would not even win me a bronze medal in the spanking Olympics. I love the Ollympics and spanking is right up there also. so...

I decided Olympic was a loft goal, so I started thinking of a weekend of spanking games, where any and all interested were invited. There would be winners in each of the different categories. Lots of spanking, so in the "end" all would be winners.

I started to design the events or games.

1. Most spanks on a bottom in a timed period. First round is hand spanking for 5 minutes, the lowest count is eliminated. Second round is with a leather paddle, same elimination. Third round, is with a hair brush for 10 minutes, highest count wins. Any spankee getting out of position is eliminated.

2. Planning a spanking themed meal. Ideas could be...roast "rump" of beef....whipped pototoes....red bottom cake. There would be voting on the suggested menus.

3. Contest to see who can hold positions the longest.

4. After a whipping, who has the best design on their back?

5. Best idea for homemade spanking toys.

It was time for me to get up and start my day...I may think on this more...I bet all of you have even better ideas for events.

hugs...abby

MM's are back

...as in maintenance Mondays!

I lost almost a pound over the weekend, so I am back to my safe, wriggle room. In the past I have not done well with maintaining, but I seem to have learned how to not go crazy and be reasonable. Finally!

Master had mentioned that we needed to get back to early week maintenance, so it was put on the schedule for today. I was a little concerned, my bottom was still tender this morning, not sore, but tender to the touch and occasionally when sitting. I cannot remember the last time I could still feel a spanking 3 days later....the tenderness is a kind of nice reminder, I will admit.

Our meeting started with some naked kneeling time. Master was concentrating on my breasts, and they also seemed extra sensative. He persisted, finally announcing that His goal this year would be to increase the amount of 'breast torture'...hmm certainly not one of my goals. Maybe learning to enjoy it more, should be, though.

Master then told me to lean over the ottoman, bottom out, legs spread. I hesitated, for only a bit. I was not being hesitant or rebellious, I was just givng myself a little pep talk. "No hesitation", I hear, "in position". One of my goals this year will be to not have to give myself a little pep talk. Not think about it, just do it.

As always, Master asks why we have maintenance and reminds me that He considers it a deterrant. I feel a large cold piece of wood, groan inwardly. He is rubbing my bottom and realizes I am still a little sore from Friday, this will be short, but not easy. He tells me to count and thank him after each one...not one of my favorite things to hear. He starts in hard, I get the words out after the first one, I wait a little too long after the second and am told to not hesitate. He wants quick strokes, which makes it harder for me. After 5, He stops a bit, to talk about maintenance then asks where we are up to...I remembered 6. After the 6th one He asks how many more do I expect, I reply 4 more, He chuckles and says you think you know me well. I think quietly, please let me be right.
The 7th one is unexpected, and I get out of position. "That one does not count, you know better, I expect you to stay in the position I put you it".
I get back and we are finally at 10...and He says the end. He is rubbing ans asking if I think it was enough...I am positive you can all guess my asnwer.

I am then invited over His lap, for some other fun activities. I am so ready, it does not take me long to be waiting to hear...cum for your Master, again, and again. Some snuggling and feeling safe time, some chattting , and I am back to kneeling. Master comments that since it is a new year, maybe we should add a rule or task to my submission. I am anxious to hear what He is thinking.

Hugs, abby

2 cures for the "blahs"!

I have had a very 'blahish' week, not caring about much. Still feeling very much unsettled, and not sure why. Turning within myself, running in the wrong direction, and knowing it wasn't helping. Communicating with Master mostly through text messaging and voice mail, skipping a report, trying to hide my unease from Him. I even asked in a voice mail if Maintenance was going to continue this year, or if it had expired!

I stayed the same this week, meaning I was still 1/2 pound above my "wriggle room", the 1/2 pound Master had said He wanted off. When I weighed myself, I thought...only 1/2 pound, He could think it doesn't matter. (Yes I was that far gone).

His reply text when I sent my weigh in....I have found the bath brush, you will not want to sit all weekend. Guess that 1/2 pound mattered, and I had a few hours to think about that darn bath brush.

When we met, He asked me twice what was wrong, and twice I replied nothing. He wasn't buying it, asked if I was upset with Him or me...mostly me was my reply. As usual, I was told to be naked and kneeling and in position. He was pulling my hair, as He talked to me, letting me know that I had disappointed Him. That He knew I was not happy, but that making Him happy would resolve that. He said He thought about what punishment to settle on and decided a very long seesion over His knee with the bath brush was ahead of me.

I went over His lap. He reminded me that it was past the first of the year, so any ankle crossing would be punished and asked me what that would be. "Spanking on my thighs, Sir," Since this was going to be a long session He offered to put a pillow between my legs, as a gentle reminded, I was happy to accept. He started off with the bath brush, fairly lightly, with a long set, would stop for a quick rub, another harder long set, rub, another harder long set. I am not sure how many sets, but it was quite a few. Finally He stops and starts to talk.

He asks if I am realizing that this is not going to be a fast hard spanking. I am! He says, his intent is that I will feel this all weekend, as a reminder, that I am His, all of me. He then asked me what He expected of me. I shook my head in a no...trying to get my thoughts straight, and He laughed and said no?? I explained I was searching for an answer...and replied, whatever He wants from me. He then suggested I be more specific, so we went over my list of rules and expectations. I used to hate talking to Him when I was over His lap, but I now realize that in some ways it is easier for me to be more open with Him then. We went over the rules, and He asked if I would rather He "micromanaged" me more. Meaning, although I have to ask for permissions to go places, I almost never get a no, He does not suggest menus, or how I should exercise. I thought about it, there was a time when that would have been tempting. But, I am sure in a short amount of time, I would be struggling. Also, I do not ask for permission for anything I do not want or want to do, so to have Him say no simply because He can, would be difficult for me. A day or two of total control would be a great fantasy, but not for real life.

I asked if He was done with the paddling, He wasn't and He let me know the hardest were yet to come. He tucked me in, and made His point. It was a long and very hard paddling, He would do a set, give me a quick rub, and just as I was catching my breath, start in again. I stayed in place for most of it, concentrating on breathing, but it was too much and I was squirming and owing loudly before He finished. Yes all of that for 1/2 pound gain, but also to help me find my way back...and stay there.

He started to roam and 'check' out my wetness. Part of you enjoyed this a little, He remarked. He continued and as I started to whimper and squirm, I heard a stern warning, don't you dare cum...self control young lady. After a couple minutes I asked Him to please stop, and after another minute or so He kindly did stop.

He had me kneel between His legs while we talked. He asked if that was the worse spanking He ever gave me. No it was not, basement visits are the worse. He reminded me of the cane and His large paddles. He also asked if I remembered what His theory was if He had to spank me twice in a row for the same reason. I nodded, and said....that He needs to 'up the ante' since He did not do a good enough job the first time. Did I have doubts about what would happen if I gave a report on Monday and I still had not lost that 1/2 pound...I had/have no doubts.

We then stood and were hugging and He brought up maintenance. He asked if He needed to give me a maintenance spanking today. I replied, no Sir, I am all set. He looked me in the eyes and said wrong answer. Maintenance is a weekly occurence, no matter what else happens, no matter what other spankings occur, maintenance still happens. In fact, He added, maybe this year it should be a twice a week event. I looked at Him speechless, do You doubt I will do whatever it takes? No Sir, was my quick reply. So I was told to lean over the ottoman, He had worn His new belt that was a Christmas gift, since He wanted to test it out. He started out with it doubled, and to be honest, it felt pretty good. I think part of my bottom was numb, and He was not swinging very hard. He quickly caught on , and said I seemed to be enjoying this. So He undoubled and swung a little harder, it still was not harsh, but He was making His point. I soon heard, 10 more hard ones, and it was over. My blahs were gone, I once again felt safe and controlled in a caring way, I knew I had "me" back.

I got home to a voice message from my 3 year old granddaughter. She was excited, so she was talking fast. I had to listen 3 times to get the full gist of what she was saying. She had realized the "Red", her favorite fraggle rock stuffed animal, she calls him her baby, did not have a middle name. She had a middle name, so does her baby brother. So she asked her mom, who told her to pick a middle name. She asked how to do that, and my daugher told her, people usually think about people they know and like and choose one of their names. After thinking about it in her room, she announced that Red's middle name would be the same as grandma's. What an honor! She called to tell me the good news, and to tell me that made me a great-grandma....LOL! Feeling older but Blahs really gone!

Yes, my bottom is still sore as I sit here, I imagine it will be one of those nights when I think of Master every time I roll over!

hugs, abby

Why is it sometimes so hard?

I finally slept well last night and woke up feeling much better this morning. I was pleased and somewhat unsettled. I have been away for a couple weeks, and then sick, and even before I left I was feeling very unsettled...for no particular reason just a general feeling. I kept trying to reach "me", the "me" that Master helped me to find, the "me" that usually keeps me sane, the "me" that has become a more open, trusting, sexual person...but that "me" seemed to be pretty elusive.

So I left, feeling a little lost before I left. No, I did not mention my feelings to Master, it was the holidays, we were both crazy busy, and I was not really sure why I was feeling so lost.

When I leave Master always reminds me to use my tool box. He is telling me to continue with my routines, to text, to call, to send reports, to ask for permissions, as often as I need to...to prevent any disconnect. On this trip my tool box pretty much remained unopened. We kept in contact with texts, but everything else pretty much went by the wayside. I was missing Him like crazy, and knew I was running away, not toward Him, but my "voices" were in full force, and I just kept going in the wrong direction. I finally convinced myself that Master deserved better ( He does )...and maybe I should just tell Him to find a prettier, skinnier, sexier, better all around submissive. Yeah..I was headed someplace I have not been in a while.

So, I got home, got sick, we talked about the holidays and family.
This morning when I sent my text I told Him to stay warm...it is FREEZING were....His reply was that He would be warming my bottom today.

I got to Master's we hugged, I went to check on His new project. He suggested I go and get naked and kneeling. He did ask what happened to my tool box while I was away. I did get naked and kneeling, but was not in the proper position when He walked in. He stopped, told me to put my hands where they belonged, and waited for the yes Sir....it did come out, but not immediately. He came over to claim my body, and talked quietly and calmly, to get my head back where it belonged, as He put it.

He finally told me to get up and put my hands on the ottoman, and my bottom up and out. He was not punishing me for gaining 1 1/2 pounds, even though that put me 1/2 pound above my wriggle room, but He was going to paddle me for His enjoyment. I felt the cold of wood and I looked up, as I felt the frist smack...it hurt, no warm up, almost 3 weeks since my last spanking, and a large piece of wood. After the 3rd one I moved out of position, was warned that would mean extras and bent back down. I hear Him telling me to relax and accept, I so want to say...hand me the wood and You relax...but I don't.

He continues to paddle, but in sets of 3, with rubbing after each set, I do recoginize this as a concession on His part. I hear 10 harder ones, and I manage to stay in place and breathe through them. He is pleased, after a rub, I am told last set, still harder, and I do get through it. He tells me those last ones were much harder than the first ones that I could not stand still for, I was finally getting my head in the right place.

I was then invited over His lap, for a hand spanking and more rubbing. We chatted a little about His expectations, and I did say to Him, You deserve better. His immediate reply was, then You should be better, because He is staying put. He reminds me it has been close to 10 years, I should be confident that He is hanging around and going no place. He also reassures me that He is pleased with my submission , my weight loss, my service to Him. I am finally relaxing and feeling like I am once again where I belong. We move on to more enjoyable activities, it has been way tooo long between permissions...my fault, I know.

So, as I sit here on a sore bottom, I once again realize how lucky I am. Master, My Master, knows "me" so well. He knows when to control, and when to encourage, when to scold and when to talk softly, and most importantly....how to help me find "me". I am also asking....why do I do this to myself, why do I sometimes make it so hard? Hopefully, I will remember today and not got down that road anytime soon.

hugs, abby