If you break it, I will fix it.....

Yes, another quote from Master! The picture and short note posted before this entry are also from Master. Since He probably won't answer the comments I will..

Kitty...All of my days are brought by the letter "R"...Master's first initial.

Sunny...Master's first ever post!

Faerie...yup!!


I knew by His tone and words that Master was just not going to let the whole missing "R" thing go quietly away. although when we chatted and text today, He did not bring it up. My weigh-in report was stay the same, I was thrilled Master was satisfied, although he expects movement in the right direction this week.

M/M was on the schedule for today (Monday's Maintenance). When I got to Master's, he told me to kneel and wait, He had to finish sometime in the basement. I was a little perplexed, but did as I was told. Knelt and waited. He came up and went back down, and I was starting to get curious. Finally He is standing before me, rubbing and pulling and tugging.
He asks me how long did I go without my "tattoo". I guess about 2 weeks. He asks if I just totally forgot about it...I reply not at first, but I guess eventually I did. "So I need to fix what you have broken", as I hear Him and look at Him I know this is not just going to be maintenance.

He walks over, picks up something, and shows me what He was working on in the basement. (the pic just below this entry.) He is going to "brand my bottom" with the letter R 14 times, since I let it go for 2 weeks. I am told to lean over the ottoman and spread my legs. Master is not swinging hard, there is no need to, that thing HURTS! I move after the 3rd or 4th one, and am told He does not want to have to start over, I manage to get through 7 on each side of my bottom.

I am allowed to get up, and I comment that He did not seem to be using a lot of power, but it really hurt. Master said, no since in over-kill, He was pretty sure He had made His point. He had! He thought about a real branding, but decided explaining it at doctor's visits might be a problem. I look at Him, and shake my head. I ask if I can have the "branding iron", to hang on my mirror or wall. (I figured it is safer for me if I am in possession of it). He says I may keep it.

Master then wants to see my new "tattoo" or "R". It is on my pussy, as directed. He asks if I re-traced it this morning, I did. Will I forget or let it fade away again...not without His permission. He seems satisfied, and announces it is now time for Maintenance. I groan, but get over His lap.

He starts with a quick hand warm-up, since He feels I am already warmed up. I am jumpy and moving, it feels like my bottom is on fire. I finally settle in, just in time for Him to start with the hairbrush, after a couple long sets, He stops and asks if this spanking should be finished. I know from last time that there is no good answer to this question, so I simply say Yes, Sir. "Good", He replies, "now the real spanking can start." He tucks me in, and it feels like my bottom is burning up almost as soon as He starts. I am staying in position, but not quietly. I don't think He is ever going to stop, but He does.

He is rubbing and soothing me, I am trying to catch my breath, and calm myself. As His fingers reach in to "check" me, He comments, that must have really hurt, I am not as wet as He expected. He soon remedies that and has me moaning and panting. He reminds me I can only cum with His permission, not matter what. I say I know, now would be a good time for a permission. He tells me to ask really nicely and convince Him. I shake my head and manage to get the words out, as nicely as I can. After Master makes sure I am really on the edge, He finally gives me permission. I am off, asking for another permission almost immediately. I finally find myself lying face down, trying to get enough energy just to move. Master is rubbing my back and legs, welcoming me back.

I have known Master for 10 years, when I first met Him I was just hoping that maybe I could get to experience what a spanking was like. I became his submissive about 8 years ago, it has been quite a journey. There have been times, when I wished to move ahead and had to wait for Him, times with I was trying to catch up with Him. I think we are in a catching up time for me...Master seems to have that "look", I can't wait to see where He will lead me next!

hugs abby

The Letter "R"

Abby will be writing more on this subject...

When He says...now don't you worry....

I did get to the casino yesterday, met the goal with a couple ounces to spare! It was fun...always is...but neither I not my gambling buddy had any luck at all. We decided to head home early, saving what money we had left for another time. We have never made that decision. Next time....LOL...do I sound addicted?

It seems I have found trouble today. This morning, like the good submissive that I strive to be, Master gave me permission for my plans for today. This afternoon I even got a permission to cum. (I am on the third book of "Shades of Gray", it does not have much submission in it, but the sex is pretty HOT!)

Earlier this evening my phone buzzes. I ignore it, I was doing something on the computer, and I thought it was my daughter-in-law sending me a pic of the girls. She is great about sending me at least a picture a day. About 10 minutes later I check my phone...it was a message from Master, darn! He wants a picture of my "R". Double Darn! My "R" is the letter Master put on my inside thigh before I went to Boston last time, my "tattoo". I was supposed to keep it up, and I did until about...umm..a couple weeks ago. He had not asked about it in a while, and I just got out of the habit. Since it had already been 10 minutes since He sent His message, I knew I had to reply quickly. So, I fessed up, could not send one, no longer had the "R", and held my breath.

His next message was, use the marker and put the R on your shaved pussy, maybe if I brand it we won't have this problem again. (He has such a sense of humor). So I get the marker, but I discovered it is much easier to put an initial on You thigh than on your pussy. The skin is not as smooth, it is harder to reach and to see what you are doing.
I did stand in front of a mirror, but that was minimal help. I finally get a mark, if you use your imagination, it might look like an "R", and then have to take a pic. Once again, I have to figure out to get enough light, find a good angle, and I worry that I am taking too long. He is not satisfied. His next message tells me to scrub it off and try again, use a mirror ( I had Sir!) and take my time.
So, I try again, more slowly, and it does look more like an "R"....we both know it is an "R", anyway. I send it.
His next message is...Don't you worry, I will fix it on Monday. Now, I know that don't you worry means, I had better worry and be ready to answer a few questions on Monday. Don't you worry means I should worry about what He is thinking. Don't you worry means I am very worried about what He has up His sleeve. Don't you worry means I will have His voice in my head all weekend.

Stayed tuned for M/M day, it might be interesting....but I have been told not to worry.

hugs abby

A real spanking only starts when you want it to end

My title is how Master greeted me yesterday, He said He read it someplace, and liked it. I was a little wary, but it did get my butterflies fluttering.

Yesterday I asked Master if I could have a casino day on Friday. I have not been in a while and I expected a yes...I very rarely get a no. His reply was yes...if you meet your weight goal for this week, no if you don't. I replied I wanted a simple yes, no conditions, He would not agree. I spent the rest of the morning pouting. One of my tasks is to contact Master at noon, so He remembers to take a break, I did not feel like talking to Him, so I decided I would send a simple text. (I know, I am not the perfect submissive!)

A little before noon, Master calls me. He asks if I am still pouting. I answer honestly. He reminds me, He says yes way too often, and has not said no. If He gets what He wants, I get what I want. He wants me to go, He just wants me to get to that goal first. As we continue to chat my mood lightens and we make plans to meet later...maintenance has not happened yet this week.

I am close to that goal and will almost certainly be there by Friday. I think what I objected to was the condition, I can go if....once again, my submissive 'halo' is tarnishing.

We meet and after some catching up chat, I am naked and kneeling, being claimed. Then it is over Master's lap, for a wonderful hand warm-up. He then proceeds to the hairbrush. He is not being gentle, but the swats are fairly easy to adjust to. He then asks why am I over His knee...for maintenance, Sir. Why do we have maintenance, to keep me out of trouble and having to go to the basement for a major punishment, Sir. Have we been to the basement this year? No Sir, thankfully. His reply is...then I opt for continuing with good hard maintenance spankings.

He tucks me in...the signal that He is about to rev it up. He is spanking hard and fast, quick stops between sets to let me catch me breath, but no rubbing. Finally He asks, have you had enough. Yes Sir! You want me to stop? Yes Sir! Normally at this point He would stop. Instead He repeats the quote, tucks me in, and shows me He was was not going at full strength or full speed. It was harder than I have been spanked in a while. I have not idea how long, but I do remember feeling like I was being surrounded by, or maybe overtaken by the pain. It was like nothing else existed. Maybe I was on the edge of what some call 'sub space', almost like it hurt so good.

He stops and I am trying to compose myself and catch my breath, but Master quickly moves on to other pleasures. I am quickly ready to explode, and do several times. We continue to enjoy each for some time. I am certainly no longer pouting, and am determined to get to the casino!

Master also commented on my last post, the list of words to describe Him. He said it was accurate and He really liked it!!

hugs
abby

Master

Hope you all had a good holiday weekend. HOT here...over 90 today, too hot for me!

I took the idea for this post from Sin. She listed words describing her Master. Since this is me, I had to add a few comments!

Master is...

dominant....practically goes without saying and sounds nicer than bossy

consistent...a blessing and a curse, but I can count that He says what he means, and means what He says.

great sense of humor...I treasure this one, how can a person trust a person they can't break out in giggles with?

stubborn...until I met Master I was the 'subborness' person I knew, this took getting used to

hard working...good and bad, He needs more down time!

good with His hands...he can fix cars, redo bathrooms and kitchens, and turn me to jello!

sexy...nothing to add, just a deep breath

creative...sometimes I ask myself how does He come up with some of His ideas???? Keeps things fun!

sadistic...this one took getting used to :)

able to read minds...even from a distance He knows what I am thinking, this can be a little discerning

I saved the best one for last.....


My Master...mine!

hugs abby

rating....effort or results

I weighed in on Friday and lost a pound and a half. Most of you know that Master had decreed that I had to lose 2 pounds or we would go down to the basement...where there are no warm fuzzy memories or fun thoughts.

On Wednesday when we were chatting He reminded me of what He wanted on Friday. A much higher rating for my efforts ( I had given myself a 6 on Monday) and a loss of 2 pounds. I told Him I was uncomfortable with the rating system. We had never really discussed a real system, not what a 1 or a 5 or an 8 would mean. Those numbers can an probably do mean entirely different things to each of us. I continued, saying I would never give myself a 10, that would mean I had done every possible, and I believe there is always room improvement. I could have exercised an extra 10 minutes each day, or cut down more portions more or walked faster...10's, to me were an impossible goal. Master said He wants my best effort, I still was dubious, that sounded like a 10 to me.

When I sent Him my weigh in, He replied good job! There was hope. Master has been very busy with a special project at work, we are managing to squeeze in time for us, but it is a squeeze. This project will go on for 6 months, I am trying to handle it like an adult...but sometimes, I fail at that. Friday was one of those days...I was feeling very vulnerable and needy by the time we met. Master can always tell just by the way I hug Him hello how I am feeling. We spent our time just sitting and cuddling and chatting with Him reassuring me. It was what I needed...I know without a doubt He does His best, He is busy, but sometimes I just let it get to me.

After we chatted a bit, He asked about my rating for this week's effort. I gave Him a look, but He wanted a number. So I said 8, explaining I had really tried harder than I have for the past few weeks, and I seem to be back into the exercise routine. He asked if I thought that we enough to keep me out of the basement. I hoped that He would consider effort over results. Master replied since it was a pound and a half, He would, less than that We would be down there.
He then gave me a week...til this Friday ...to lose the same amount and that would put me a little under my last goal.
Among His many other attributes, He is fair.

Our good-by hug was much better than the hello ones!

Hope you are all having a good holiday weekend...my dad was a proud WWII veteran, let's remember all those who serve for us!

Hugs, abby

Girls' weekend was a success!

Girls' weekend was so much fun! Having three generations of girls made for a variety of activities. We had a "mini spa" time....grand-daughter got to have painted toe nails for the first time, she was excited! We went to a children's science museum, took the ferry to the Statue of Liberty, ate out, had a marguerita nite...thank goodness one if us had an early bedtime. We laughed, we played, we were sorry to see it end, but there is still next year.

As an added bonus, I even managed to lose 1 pound! I was careful about portions and food choices, and we did keep busy, and it was worth it!

Yesterday was M/M day ( Monday Maintenance). After some getting caught up chat time, I was naked and kneeling. Master was pleased at the weight loss, but not at the fact that I am still over my last goal, by 2 pounds. He fetched that evil hairbrush, and promised me a hard spanking. As soon as I settled in over His knee, He started with a hand warm-up, and then some easy strokes with the brush, just was I was relaxing into the sensations, I hear, warm-up is over. After several sets, each getting harder to breathe through, Master stops for a chat. Chatting while still OTK tends to be a precarious activity.

Master announces that He wants me back at my goal by this Friday. I remind Him that is 2 pounds, He says He knows. He also reminds me that He has been generous with my time away, allowing me to gain a couple pounds, and celebrate the new addition and enjoy the girl's weekend. It is now time for me to get serious about getting back to the last goal I reached, and move on. I have until Friday, or Friday will be a basement spanking. That got my attention. I pleaded that it was not fair to get a basement spanking if I lose on a weigh in day. Basement spankings are never fun or easy, they are considered a major punishment spanking. I insisted it was not fair, to lose and face a major punishment. Master decided to finish maintenance at that point, tucked me in, and really let that brush fly. It was fast and furious and I was barely breathing.

When He finished, He said if I can say to Him on Friday that I have done my absolute best during this week, He will take the basement visit out of the picture. I consider that kind of a 2 edged sword, but it was somewhat of a concession on His part. It is true that I have been coasting, just happy to be mainly staying around my goal weight. So more of an incentive did get my attention, but I am still feeling it is somewhat unfair. I say that knowing that in a TPE relationship the word "fair" is a tricky one, and does not often apply. I have loss 2 pounds in a week before, hopefully it will happen this week and the whole basement issue will go away. I have been much more conscious of my food choices, and the wii has been stepped up a bit.

Master was rubbing my bottom, and letting His fingers roam while we were discussing the basement issue. By the time we ended the discussion , I was whimpering with need for a permission. Master continued to "explore" and comment on my readiness. I finally hear, that I may cum for my Master and I am off. Master knows all of me, and He played me to a point of multiple, strong orgasms, it took me a while to come back to earth, still my breathing and be able to thank Him. We continued to enjoy each other as my awareness returned, and I was able to concentrate on Master.


It was certainly an amazing ending to M/M, and hopefully Friday will continue with more amazing times, all above the basement.

hugs abby

On a scale of 1 to 10......

I am leaving early tomorrow morning....as early as I can get my daughter in the car....for our annual "girls" weekend with both my daughters and my oldest grand-daughter (4)!) I am looking forward to it, but it seems like I just got back here.

So, Master declared today weigh in day, instead of Friday. I loss a little over 1/2 pound. A loss is always better than a gain. Master agreed with that philosophy, but wondered if I tried as hard as I could...or should. After our hello hugs, it was kneeling time...Master chose to sit on an ottoman facing me. He grabbed my breasts and proceeded to pull, tug and pinch while we had a little chat. He asked me how hard I had tried to please Him this week, on a scale of 1 to 10. I hate a question like that, I can argue almost any number on that scale. I did wii every day, but not as long as i used to..one day I even walked, or strolled the bike path. I was careful about food choices, but did have some indulgences.

As I was going over my choices Master was still pinching and pulling, and waiting for an answer. Was 8 too high, was 5 too low??? ARGHHH...He prodded me for an answer..so I finally said 6...I think that was a fair evaluation. Master brings my face close to His and asks...why would I not want to give Master my best effort...a 10?? Because it is too hard, because you did not feel like it...why? I had no good answer...

Since I had not good answer, Master's answer was, He was going to spank me hard...not a punishment, but definitely a reminder that He expects more. He pulled out the hairbrush, it has been a while since I had seen it. I went over His lap, and He started with a hand warm up and then used the brush with the bristle side, to create a nice tingling. Just as I was relaxing and thinking ummmm....He started in with the wooden side.

It hurt right from the beginning, not sure if it was because I had just been spanked with the lexan paddle a couple days ago, or He was being more forceful, but I was struggling. He would complete a set, of maybe 25, stop to rub and talk and start in again. Then I felt him tuck me in close...hard and fast He said...it took my breath away, and left me with a very hot stinging bottom. I was then told that being away this weekend does not exempt me from exercise of some type, and is not an acceptable excuse for a gain on Monday....my next spanking could be much harsher.

Master then told me not to regret my answer of 6....I certainly would not want to be less than truthful. Also He reads my daily reports so He knows how much effort I put in, He just wanted to hear me say it.

Master then used His hands and fingers for a much better sensation, He soon had me panting and groaning and making those noises that I cannot believe come from me. He is also talking to me and expecting responses, I am hesitating on the responses....how can a girl have a conversation under those circumstances. Since I am not responding , He takes His hand away, and says no permission, since I am not replying as He wants. I quickly get my wits and figure out what He wants so we can continue. I cum several times....this time Master takes my breath away in a wonderful manner.

Have a great weekend all...I will be having lots of fun...and remembering to do lots of moving!

hugs abby

3 weeks is a long time...

Master and I went three weeks without seeing each other. It is the longest time since I don't know when. Between traveling...family and business...work, appointments, etc...real life just kept getting in the way.


But finally, yesterday, Master did not return to work after lunch, it was our time! I have to admit, I was looking forward to it, and not looking forward to it. I returned from my trip having gained a little over 2 pounds, all things considered, not awful, but a gain. Master took the news well, told me to get back on track and He wanted some kind of exercise every day until I was back at my goal. I asked for 5 days a week, but was told every day. My weigh in yesterday was plus a little less than 1 pound. I blamed Mother's day weekend and the fact that I gave myself the weekend off.


Master told me yesterday that when I next blogged I was to include this.....Monday's maintenance was a hard paddling with My lexan paddle....and I let her off easy. I have to add, He is right.


By the time we finally physically connected I was feeling a little loss. My 'voices' returned, and although I was able to argue with them a bit, they did wear me down. When Master and I were first starting on our voyage, when I was feeling very insecure about something, I would wake up in the middle of the night and converse with the voices. That usually ended up in my sending Master an e-mail in the middle of the night, hoping that would help me get back to sleep...and writing about certain things in the middle of the night, was a LOT easier than talking about them in the light of day. No, I did not send am email, but I could feel myself starting to withdraw and did consider picking up a stone or two to re-build some walls.


Master greeted me with hugs and soft talk. Reminding me that I am His, that He takes that very seriously. Soon I was naked and kneeling and being re-claimed, and finally I started to relax and breathe.


Master reminded me that this was a Maintenance Monday, but He was also not happy that I had gained even after I returned home, and that I had not followed His directive on exercise. He hates going backwards.


I was invited over His lap, a concession on His part that I was/am very thankful for...and He even started off with a quick hand warm-up. Then He started in with that darn paddle. Each set was a build-up in speed and power. I was kicking and ouching, and trying to move away, and even told Him once to stop. Not my best behavior. He would stop and talk and calm me and start again. Finally He started on a set and I just lay there, head down, panting, but staying quiet and in place. I hear Master say, finally....acceptance. When He finishes this set, He tells me to ask for another set, saying that I want it to be the hardest yet, so I remember it for a long time, and to say it loudly and as if I mean it. Master knows this is difficult for me, so He gives me a minute or two, and I ask. He agrees and starts with the hardest,
longest set yet. Finally it is over.

We move on to more enjoyable activities. Master remarks that I am already "sloshing" wet, I am so ready for His touch.We start off quickly, and then slowly just enjoy each other. It is good to be together again, and to know I am where I belong.

I did get a strong warning about my next weigh-in, and the consequences of 3 gains in a row. I have been exercising, even twice yesterday....so here's hoping the diet gods are listening!

hugs, abby

finally home again!

After spending most of yesterday at 2 airports, I am finally home again! It was a wonderful time. I was able to witness the newest little one's first smiles..so far, she seems to be a very calm, easily contented baby. Her 2 year old sister, is constant motion and everlasting energy, I am one tired grandma! As luck...or maybe no luck...would have it, on the day I returned Master left for a business trip. He had mentioned the possibility last week, then thought He would be here, but then finally had to go. He'll be gone a few days, I have plenty of things to catch up on, but it seems like a long time since we have been together. One my list of to-dos today is to try and catch up on what you all have been up to... hugs abby

plus 1!

Yikes, I logged on to get a quick post up and find blogger has gone and updated...I hate change, especially when I barely know what I am doing here! The happy news....new little grand-daughter arrived the day after I got here...great timing! She is beautiful...of course...and very laid back, seems to like to observe what is going on around her. Her "big" sister seems to be adjusting, about as well as a 2 year old can! I am exhausted at the end of each day.... I have been here a little over a week, have a flight out next Tuesday. Master and I have been in touch every day. Until today I was doing quite well, missing Him, but keeping up with my tasks and knowing this is where I need/want to be right now. This afternoon, I felt myself just wanting to touch, smell, feel Him....soon...not soon enough but soon.. I have not been reading many blogs, hardly any, hope you are all doing fine. Will catch up with you soon... Did I mention I got her to smile at me twice today! hugs, abby

Happy Birthday Master!!!!

Yesterday was Master's birthday. We celebrated, but not the all out, empty the bag intense session that we had planned. My back is slowly, very slowly getting better, so we did not want to chance setting me back, or having to worry about positions. Also I am leaving tomorrow for some time in Boston, awaiting a new addition to the family..she can come anytime after tomorrow...the sooner the better!

Master's birthday was toned down a little, but with a promise of the use every toy in the bag session when I return. After a happy birthday hug and some chat, Mastered noticed I had a a gift bag with me. I had bought Master ( Us!) a tawse. I have read about them in blogs, and they are leather, which I love, and have been wanting to try one. I was soon naked, and in a comfortable position. Master praised the leather handle, the way it felt, the fit and the flexibility...I loved the feel of it. He started off slowly, and increased strenght slowly. It could be my new favorite toy!

Then, Master announced it was time for His birthday spanking. I would get His age (over 50), with His hand and with the cane. I was surprised and asked if I could choose one...no, this was His birthday, but He would let me choose which one first. That was an easy one...hand first, a warm up is always a good thing! He spanked me in decades, making the spanks match his feeling for each decade. I then got to stretch, and He picked up the cane, looked at me and said...I will give you another choice. Cane or tawse? I was shocked...but my choice was.....tawse...lol...but you are not surprised!

I had to count them out loud, and they were hard, but oh....so much nicer than the cane! We then spent some quiet time, snuggling and anticipating my time away. When I got up to get dressed, Master told me to wait, and He dissapeared for a minute. He returned with a felt tip sharpee. I was told to sit on the ottoman, while He sat on the sofa. I was told to spread my legs, and Master leaned over and drew His first initial high, on the inside of my right thigh. He told me it was His version of a tattoo.....Yes I was stunned. All I could think of to say was...where do you get these ideas! He then told me, it is also anther tool for my tool box while I am away...I am to re-trace it every morning after my shower, and be ready to send Him a picture if He requests it, (which He did this morning) It is a definate reminder of His ownership...and easier to apply than a tattoo.

Not sure how long I will be away, I will be trying to keep up with all of you, and will post when my newest granddaughter has decided to make an appearance!

Lots of good spanks to all of you while I am away
hugs abby

OUCH....and not whay you are thinking

Unfortunately my pain is all in my back...UGH. I knew over the weekend that my back was a little twitchy...and was careful. But I slept well last night and felt good when I got out of bed. Then I dropped a piece of ham on the floor, bent to pick it up....ouch...tears in my eyes....

This is one of those weeks when I had someting planned for every day, and Sat. I am leaving to help with the new arrival...who has not make her appearance yet. So I am not a happy camper...

I sent Master a text this morning, telling Him about my back, He said I was exempt from the wii....ummmm...wii??? By noon time I was pretty grumpy so I decided to text Him instead of calling. As I was texting, He called. We chatted and He did lighten my mood.

My back seems a little better tonight...

hugs abby

a "candy cane" spanking

No, Master did not use a candy cane, or even His cane. He did use a 5 gallon paint stick.

My report Friday was down 1/2 pound... we were both pleased. I keep saying I am building up my "wriggle room", He seems to think I am headed to a new goal....any guesses as to which one of us will win this discussion?
I stand up, He has the paint stick in His hand.I am thinking nice, a warm up and that paint stick, which is stingy but in just the right way! Master has other plans. He puts one hand under a breast and starts to spank. I ouch and start to pull away. He stops and asks me what part of you is it that does NOT belong to Me?..No part Sir. Relax and concentrate..

He picks again, I am a little calmer, it is not a long spanking, as soon as He stops He picks up the other breast.Whenever and wherever Master spanks me, one side always seems to feel it more, it was this second breast today. Once He had a few stripes He could admire, He stopped, only to tell me, He intended to stripe every inch that belonged to Him.

He started with my thighs, I moved out of place once, was scolded and we started again, Thighs, shins, ankles were next. He then went down my back and each arm. I was then told to spread my legs, so He could reach inside my legs. Then He was striping my stomach and down the front of my legs. They were not hard swats.He was emphasizing a point...all of me...means all of me. When He was done and admiring the pink stripes all up and down all of me, I kept thinking...candy cane!

I was then invited over His lap. He checked to see if I was protesting too much, and said, part of you really enjoyed that. I always try to tell Him I have no control over that part...He chuckles and reminds me I have no control over any part....

After a wonderful hand spanking, a couple permissions and some kneeling time time between Master's legs, appreciating His cock, Master says He has been thinking it is time to push me a little, to stretch, to get me out of my comfort zone.

I am not entirely surprised to hear this...He has been hinting at these thoughts. We recently talked about moving forward, about me being ready to grow more in my submission. He has become much more vigilant about my using Sir...not after every sentence,but He expects it when I text or answer a question, or ask for permission. I had become a little lax about it, and have been reminded of His expectations.

I do a task for Master every day, of my choice. When He first asked me to complete a task for Him, He said a few minutes a day. In the past I have looked for and sent Him a pic, or quotes, made an alphabet book of submission, a variety of things. Lately it has been mostly kneeling time with an occasional no panty day thrown in. A little while ago, I was informed that He wanted the task to last over 5 minutes. Master has now suggested I could wear my plug on no panty days, or play with one of my toys during kneeling time. I told Him that could be discouraging to a gal. He replied,or force her to be more creative. Being able to take a hint,today I did some corner time, and will be diversifying my daily tasks.

I knew that all of this was Master's way of getting my "head" where He wanted. Master is a great believer that submission starts in my head, my thoughts need to be in the right place and He is good at getting my head where it should be. As I was getting ready to leave, Master mentioned His birthday next week...yes I have his gift well hidden in my closet....and that since it has been a while since we have had an intense, empty the toy bag session, that was what He planned for His birthday. Rope, blindfolds, whips, paddles, floggers...the toy bag will be emptied, and my limits will be tested.

As I sit there typing the words, the butterflies are starting to flutter, the thought of it is exciting...it has been a long time. But because it has been a long time, I am also a little hesitant...

Stay tuned

hugs, abby

M&M

No, not the M&M's that are filled with dark chocolate or milk chocolate or peanuts or almonds or mint or pretzels....gosh, wouldn't that be a dream job? Thinking up new fillings and having to taste test them. Oops, I am a little off the track here.

In my real world M&M is maintenance Monday. As I was kneeling for Master yesterday, He had to take a business call. He is out of town for a few days, and the call concerned His trip. Usually He leaves me to quietly wait. This time, He stayed and continued to alternate torturing first one nipple then the other with His free hand. I was trying so hard to concentrate on not making a sound, or even panting, since the phone was very close to me. I succeeded, and although I am not usually very vocal when Master is torturing my breasts, just knowing that I would be heard by one of His businees associates, added to my concentration. When He finally hung up, Master chuckled and congratulated me. Later, thinking about it, I thought that was pretty gutsy of Him.

Master asked what He should use for my maintenance spanking, I quickly said Your Hand Sir! He rarely asks, and I was not about to waste an opportunity. He chuckled and picked up my toy bag. He did give me a hand warm-up and then took out my frog paddle...it is thin and stingy, but considering it is wood, a fairly tame toy. Only Master went at at lightening speed and with sharp smacks....I was whimpering, when He said, surprise You? He had, and I should know better than to think that Master cannot turn any turn into an "evil" one.

Master then took out the plastic spatula...surprised that I had not removed it from the bag...not to self, do that next. I do not like the feel of it at all. Fortunately Master is not all that found of it, so it was a short set with it. Then back to Master's hand. Master asked if this was enough of a spanking to count as maintenance, I assured Him it was...He was not sure, but said He would let it be enough,this time.

We moved on to more pleasurable pusuits, and Master soon had me purring. He commented that I used to ask for permissions much more quickly. True, but I have learned to enjoy the journey there as long as I can! I know I need to be careful, cuming without His permission would have consequences. I was soon asking and seeing the stars. We continued to cuddle and play, talking about my future trip to Boston. Master wants me to have a schedule of tasks, since I will be gone 2 or 3 weeks, helping with a new arrival.

Master just called, He is on His way back....meetings went better than expected...YEAH!!!!

hugs, abby

Happy Easter Everyone!

I am leaving tomorrow to spend the weekend with my daughter and her family. I have the easter eggs filled for the "hunt" and all the things my grand-daughter and I will need to make a bunny shaped cake!

Earlier, this week Master mentioned to me that it was time for a fisting. It is one of those words I love/hate to hear. I first learned about fisting when I was first reading about spanking and BDSM..and thought who would want that...how is that possible? (yes, it was not that long ago, either). Eventually when I started reading blogs, I learned that it is indeed possible, and could be extremely enjoyable. Different strokes for different folks, but not for me. Then one afternoon when I was extremely aroused Master decided to introduce me to fisting. I was sure it was an impossibility...it was not. Relaxing was difficult, but Master does not give up, and I experienced fisting for the first time. I have to say, it is a feeling like no other...a feeling of being totally physically possessed and controlled, and yes...orgasms that kept coming and growing. It is not something we do often, and I always am hesitant, as I was this week.

Master worked late today, so I was waiting for His text to let me know He was free. When it came I replied with an OK...meaning I was on my way.
I was excited I have loss 2 pounds this week, it has been a long time since that has happened. I got there, we hugged and chatted and I was naked and kneeling. Master asked about the scale and was very pleased with my news!

Master then tells me to get over the ottoman and I see Him reach for the cane that is near it. I am confused, and start to rise up....He reminds me that when I am in position I am not to move until He tells me to. I start to say something....He says I need a reminder about my texting habits. I have no idea what He is talking about, I answered all His text, I sent all the required ones...then I hear...."ok",is not a replacement for Yes Sir. We have spoken before about being consistent with Sir. Using yeah or ok is not acceptable. I am thinking, this is so not fair...not a good place to be when facing a Master with a cane in His hand. Now I know that fair has very little place in a power exchange reationship, and it rarely is an issue, I always feel that Master is fair..not this time. I loss 2 pounds, and He is going to cane me! ( I told Him that everyone who read my blog would think He is very mean..you do don't you? He chuckled.)

Master starts in with the first six..they sting but are not hard, but my head space has me moving and grumbling. He stops and rubs and we go over the rules. Do I want to move forward, He asks me. I do, of course, then I need to remember the rules I now have. Six more, and He wants me to be more accepting, I still don't think it is fair, but I am more accepting.

Master then invites me over His lap. I get a long hand spanking, all over my bottom. Master keeps stopping to check how much I am enjoying His hand, making sure He keeps me on the edge. He then, says time for you to feel deeply submissive. I know He is getting ready ...I reply I don't think this is a good day for it, my head is not in the right place. Master carries on, determined and consistent, reminding me to relax, telling me how wet and engorged I am. I know I need to relax and accept, and I finally do...and Master is a part of me...possessing me...filling me with His hand. I feel His movement and I can feel my release start to build, and they come fast and furious, til I am trying to catch my breath and control the tremors. As I lie there, Master is rubbing my back and legs, talking softly to me, calming me, helping me to recover.

I finally am aware of where I am, and am breathing again. Yes I am sore, both my bottom and my pussy, but I do know I am owned.

May you find all those chocolate eggs, and have a wonderful holiday.

hugs abby

A good read..

No I don't mean 50 Shades of Gray, although it is in my kindle and next on my list. I hesitate to recommend books, everyone's taste is so different. "Learning to Swim" by Sara Henry is the exception. I could not put it down...you know...just one more chapter and I will make dinner.
I was surprised by the ending, and everyone in my book club gave it a 2 thumbs up....very rare...we are an eclectic group! Enjoy!

hugs abby

2 minds...almost a single thought

Master and I are often on the same wave length, or pretty close. Then there are the times, I just need to adjust my thoughts, so we are on the same wave length.

Yesterday was MM day...Monday maintenance. I had decided..while wearing that plug on Sunday...that I needed to step up a bit, get more serious on the diet front. So, after our hugs I say to Master we need to chat about my diet...He looks at me, and says...that is exactly what I had in mind also. With the raised eyebrow and that look, the one that says we are not quite on the same wave length. I start by saying I have not been trying all that hard, He says He knew that, and so does everyone else after your last blog entry...hmmm, note self, maybe I should discuss some of what I am going to reveal here to Master first. I go on saying I want to be at least at my goal weight before I leave in 3 weeks to help out with the new arrival. I figured I had to lose 2 pounds and that sounded doable to me. Master's response is I want you 2 pounds under, time to get serious again.

We discuss my exercise routine, He rubs his hands over my face and asks how often I break out in a sweat. Sweat??...UGH...hmmm...never, unless I am walking and it is very hot. He is not impressed. He also reminds me,,,and I agree...I do not do well with maintaining. When I have a goal, and am trying to lose I am much more focused...we will discuss that again after I return from my next time away.

Master then gets the acrylic piece of shelving..it is small, but very OUCHIE! He says maintenance will be stepped up this week, so I can truly remember it all week. He nicely starts out with a long hand spanking, before starting in with the paddle. I get 2 sets of maybe 50 each...they are slow, hard and deliberate. He stops to rub after the first set, and then proceeds to remind me that they get harder as we get closer to the end. We finally get to the end, and Master says, do you feel like you have been punished? Except for the fact the He warmed me up....and it does make a BIG difference, it did have that feel, but not the pain.

Master then reminds me there is another difference between maintenance and punishment...no "fun" after a punishment. I am of course, wet and ready, and Master rather quickly gets me to the needing permission point.
As I am panting and coming back to reality, Master bends over and says quietly to me...Thank you for being my other half...HE knows how to melt me with actions and words.

have a good week...hugs abby

scattered thoughts

Hope you all had a fun, relaxing weekend! Cold and rainy here, but it is April!

Words have always been important me...I taught english for years, I have always loved word games and crossword puzzles. One of the things that I first noticed about Master was He knew how to use words..written and oral. He could reply to anything I threw at Him, He was great at role plays. He knows how to use words (and tone), to arouse, to make me sorry, to melt me. This weekend I was thinking about how, the same word can arouse different feelings, depending on who and how it is used.

One of the first times I realized this with Master was the first time He called me baby. Now,I grew up when being an independent, in charge female was the goal. I pretty much achieved that in all parts of my life, until I met Master. He calls me baby...anyone else I would have let them know, that I am a woman, not a baby, ranting on about why they should never call me baby. With Master, I could feel myself melt...Mater insists that inside every woman is a little girl who wants to be taken of, cuddled, to be held accountable. I am not sure it is true of every female...amybe...but I have learned it sure is true for me.

I am holding steady on my weight, staying within my "safety zone", but I will admit that I have been only half heartedly trying. Master realizes this also, and is being encouraging, reminding me, He only expects me to stay within my safety zone, and to exercise 5 days a week. My last session with Master was with my toy bag! It is a small bag, and Master commented they were all light smacking toys, I reminded Him it was MY bag, why would I carry in something I would not at least partially enjoy?

Master started off spanking me standing up while holding on to my nipple. I am not sure He has ever done that before. I was a little off balance and kept wondering what "pain" I should concentrate on. Then it was kneeling
time and breast play, I was a little antsy...cringing and holding my breath...that does not deter Him. He always tells me to relax and concentrate on sending the pain to my pussy...like it should be easy? Then it was over His lap, for a nice hand warm-up. Then Master started digging through my bag. The first thing He found was a rubber spatula. That is one item I meant to remove....it really stings. Luckily He tired of it quickly, and found a small flogger type toy...that was great. Relaxing, tingling, just right! Then cam my frog paddle...I am a frog collector. Lots of frog items and clothing surround me. This was a paddle ball toy, with the paddle being a frog. It is light and packs just the right amount of sting. At this point Master started complaining about the "lightness" of my toys.

Master then pulled out my small leather strap. I was nicely warmed up, so I was more than ready for it. The few sets with it were wonderful. Master then decides to check and see if I am really enjoying my toys. I am! He continues to use his talented fingers getting me squishy wet. He comments on my self-control....It just feels so darn good, I don't want Him to stop, altho I know I won't be able to hang on much longer. That is when Master switches to more spanking.

When He feels He has warmed be back up sufficiently, He goes back to bringing me to the edge of cumming. He keeps me there for a bit, til I finally hear that I have permission....it was....toe curling! When I can hear again, I hear Master saying, keeping me on the edge sure pays off!
After some cuddle time I get to kneel and thank Master.

Today, I got into a little trouble. Master always "tucks me in" at night. His is the last voice I hear, or last text. It started a couple years ago, when I was strugging with something, and Master tucked me in to help settle me for the night. Since then it has become a routine, even when I am out of town. I usually text Him to let Him I am ready for bed...I have not missed in a long time. Last nite I texted Master for a permission to cum, had my release and went to bed. I was in a bit of a fog, I guess, thinking I had texted Him, but not remembering we had not said good night.

This morning I get a message...no good night?? I think, I sent one, checked my phone...and had not. I send back an Oops and apologized.We text about the day, and Master's last text is...wear your plug for 15 minutes to remind you to say good night to your Master. UGH....not a favorite activity. But, I say Yes Sir, and complete the 15 minutes. It does remind me that Master takes tucking me in seriously, and that makes me feel good, and as I remove the plug, I am feeling soooo very submissive.

This month is Master's birthday. I have decided on a gift. It is a new toy, one I have never seen in His bag...and it is not in mine. It is one I have wanted to try for a while now. I will let you know how He likes it, after His birthday!

Have a good week...hugs abby

where I belong...

The celebrations over the weekend were a big success. My youngest grand-daughter is ready to be a big sister, she has shirts and books with big sister themes, and a "baby doll" with all the extras. She can play mommy when her mommy is busy with the new little one. My oldest grand-daughter is now 4...and she loved every minute of it. It was hectic but lots of wonderful memories were made!

I returned to a very busy week for both Master and I. It took til yesterday before we both had time to re-unite. I was feeling a little down, Master of course had noticed, both during our chats and as soon as He saw me. The simple truth was I had really missed Him a lot, even thought it was only a weekend, I seemed to be feeling like I really needed His touch, His pressence. I told Him I had really missed Him, He smiled and said that was easily remedied, so we started with a great big bear hug! He said it is nice to be missed and needed, He was happy to hear that was my "problem".

I gained a little less than 1 pound over the weekend, that kept me in my "safety zone", we were both happy about that! Master did bring up that nasty "E" word..exercise. I am having a hard time getting back into the routine of every day, but am trying. Master has decided I need to exercise, either wii, or a dance video I have, or walking the bike path, 5 days out of every week, I can choose the days. That way if I have an extra busy day being away, I can make up for it on the weekend...and NOT just blow it off.

It was then kneeling time, with Master warming me up all over. After concentrating on my breast, I was invited over His knee. He treated me to a wonderful hand spanking. Master commented on how still and quiet I was, He must be getting weak. I was just enjoying, but Master decided to rev it up a bit, and spank me so that I moved forward a little each time. I commented that the next time He is swinging His cane, I will remind Him that He likes me to move..lOl..

The spanking had finished warming up all of me. Master barely just started touching me and I was writhing and groaning..He told me to breathe and slow down, but it felt sooo good, and I was so ready. Since my bottom was nice and warm, Master decided to contrate on my mouth and pussy, filling them and telling me relax and enjoy all the sensations. Enjoying was easy, relaxing..not so much. Master was teasing, watching me get right to the brim and withdrawing, wanting me to ask, beg for release. Soon I was begging, and He pushed me over the edge. One of the interesting occurences after Master has me cum hard for Him, is I often get after tremors. My body shakes of its own volition, like it is trying to find its way back. Master loves these, I seem to have no control over them, but they are pleasant.

Once I was lucid, and breathing calmly, we had more hugging and catching up time. I was once again calm, my spirits lifted, knowing that I was owned, that I have found the place where I belong.

hugs abby

Celebrations

I am getting ready to leave for a weekend of celebrations. My children and grandkids will all be together for the weekend. We started a family tradition with my oldest grand-daughter before her brother was born...a big sister party. On Saturday, my Boston grand-daughter gets the big sister fun! We each buy or make a piece of clothing with Big Sister on it, get her a book about being a big sister, and a special big sister toy....we have balloons and cupcakes and fun! On Sunday we are celebrating my oldest grand-daughter's 4th birthday. She is one of those little girls who seems to possess a wise old soul, is so sweet. So another party, a Cinderella cake, and more fun. I will be returning on Monday.

Master and I had our celebration yesterday. I am back to my goal weight, and have really been working at getting back to an exercise routine. We, of course, started off with some naked kneeling, and He was "enjoying" my breast...He commented that I was not squirming...I replied...with just a bit of sarcasm..oh Master, it feels so good...He chuckled and said then I should thank Him.

He then had me bend over the ottoman, bottom out and took off His belt...the sound of that always makes me catch my breath. He started off lightly and each set getting progressively harder. He stopped and I was thinking that was just right, when I hear...hang on 12 more hard ones to carry you through the weekend. I whine a little about hoping we were done, but He has started. I stay in place, by the last 3 I am ouching loudly, but finaaly he drops the belt and starts to rub.

Just as I am beginning to pant and get "squishy", I am told to get over His lap. He is rubbing and massaging, and then I feel something prickly. It is my little "wheelie"! What a nice surprise. He is rolling it all over my back, thighs, bottom, any place He can reach, I am so relaxed. Master then remarks, He does not think He has been using it with enough force. He presses harder and repeats His routes. It is not as relaxing, but is awakening different sensations all over. He tells me He is going to increase the pressure and I should let Him know when it starts to hurt. On His second time around I tell Him now, after finishing His route He stops to rub and admire the pattern.

Master then gets my large toy...the one I always say is too big. He starts to tease me with it, touching my clit, pulling back, slowly and gently going in and out, til I can't stand it...and finally get a needed permission. I end with several body tremors which Master always seems to delight in. AS I am catching by breath, Master says He hopes that gets me back quickly...He knows how to entice a gal!

I am then between His legs, submissively thanking Him. Then it is back over His lap, for a nice hand spanking. He reminds me that I am to use all of my tools while I am away, or He will be using His tools when I return..and not the ones I would request!

It was a wonderful celebration to start my weekend of celebrations. I am feeling very blessed, and now need to go bake 2 dozen cupcakes for a 4 year old party!

Have a good weekend all....hugs, abby.

in a good place...

Sometimes, not often enough, one just has to sit back and look at life, and if you are lucky enough, appreciate that you are in a good place. Tonight, as I set here, I am in a good place for a lot of reasons.

Weather! Living first in Maine then in Western NY, I learned early on that weather is unpredictable, and be ready for the worse. In the pass, March here has meant an ice storm...that cut off power for most of us for 2 weeks....back to back blizzards, over 40 inches of snow in 2 days, cold, wind...March can be unreliable, just when you think spring might be around the corner you wake up to having to shovel. Not this year, last week we had temps in the 70's, going to be in the 80's this week. I am loving it, don't even care that we will have to pay some day. I know that not all of you are being this lucky this March, with severe storms, I am keeping all of you in my thoughts.

Family! Everyone is getting along, and a new addition is expected in about 1 month. We will all be together this weekend celebrating oldest grand-daughters 4th birthday. My children work to make sure their children know and love grandma...they are so precious. My mom is doing well, starting to perk up a little and thinking about a little traveling.

Master! (you knew I would get to Him, didn't you?) On Friday I loss 1.5 pounds, stayed the same today, but I am within my "safety zone", 1 pound away from my goal weight. On Friday, I was treated to a wonderful hand spanking and some "us" time...me kneeling and showing Him my submission, and then enjoying my own releases.

Today Master and I met for maintenance. He watched me undress, usually He is busy doing something in the house. He noticed I was blushing, and laughed. I knelt for Him, and He claimed me, showed me that I was all His. He then decided to use a paint stirrer for maintenance...this was a larger one that I have ever seen. He used it first on my breasts, He likes to make the point that He can spank me anyplace....and although it did hurt, it was not over or near my limit. Then it was over His lap, for a stingy, surface spanking,,,with stops for rubbing. Master found me wet and ready, as usual, and kept me on the edge for a bit, til finally I heard ..cum for Me!. It was ...like a rumble of orgasms, one following the other, that truly left me breathless.

Then Master and I were talking. I am not sure how we got to this topic, but I found I was opening up and sharing some things with Master that I have not been able to before now. We talked and He reassured and held me, and make me feel....taken of...content...in a good place. Master then said...its been a while since you have doubted Me. When Master and I were starting out, and for quite a few years beyond that, I was often sure that He would soon realize that He could do much better than me.

I was confident in many areas of me life, I know I was a good mom, an effective and valued teacher, a friend to many, etc...but because of how I looked, and because I had kept the real 'me' deeply buried, I was certain that Master would look at me and see the error of His ways. He always reassured me, but the insicurity came back. There were times I almost pushed Him away, that way it would at least, have been my idea. Lately, I seem to have loss those insecurities. It has been almost 10 years and He is still here, He knows "me" and accepts all of me and has helped me to accept "me". So yes, Master was right I realized, I feel safe, and comfortable, and secure, and my doubts have finally taken flight. This is a very good place to be!

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to stay in this place, I want to move forward. As I was leaving, Master thanked me for being such a good submissive, for being His submissive....yes I am in a good place, and I cherish the feeling.

hugs abby

I survived

I woke up yesterday morning still tired after a very restless night. Every time I turned over, I woke up feeling the sudden pain from the caning. I thought I need coffee, then I remembered...He wants me to fast. Coffee is liquid right? So I sent a text asking if I could have my morning coffee...I got a one word reply...water. Water is not a great substitue for coffee.

As I made the fruit salad for my book club meeting, I was not in the best of moods. I kept hoping I would hear from Him , telling me I could at least eat some of the fruit. No call came. When I was ready to leave I sent a text to let Him know I was leaving, and that I thought He was mean. I made it through the pot luck, explaining that my tummy was upset, so I was not goint to eat, since we were watching a movie and discussing a book...it was not a total lie. I did text Master at noon, to remind Him it was His lunch time...one of my new keeping Him sane duties.

When I got home it was around 5...I was sore from sitting, tired, and hungry. I drank more water. I was trying to decided how early I could go to bed and sleep through the night when I heard from Master. I told Him I had been good all day..well except for calling Him mean. He asked if I had any fruit salad left over, I did. He told me to have a bowl when we finished, and asked if He had made His point. He had...punishing twice in a row for the same reason is NOT a good idea, He alsays ups the ante, He gets His way, and will do whatever it takes. I know that is several points, but I wanted to cover all the basis. I had a delicious bowl of fruit and went to bed calmer. I did manage to sleep almost all nite without waking up.

Sitting today is not as painful as yesterday, but my thighs and that spot just below my bottom still is very sore. I guess when you get 100 with a cane, it stays with you for a while. I can't believe I survived 100...very glad He did not tell me ahead of time how many He had in mind. This will be the first time that I am still sore on day 3 after a spanking, Master knows how to make a lasting impression.

hugs abby

Striped...

Master often surprises me...often they are good surprises, then like today, there are the not so good surprises. Master would say today should not have been a surprise, and maybe..He is right.

My weigh in today was stay the same. I figured, for a weekend, that was OK. When we talked at lunch, Master told me to text Him at 3 to see if He was going to be able to leave work. I sent a text, asking if we would have Maintenance today. It is Monday, and I had not gained, so I figured maintenance would be on the agenda, probably a long, hard spanking since I am still 1/2 pound above my limit.

Master was able to leave, we met, as we were hugging He looked at me and said...you know you are in trouble. I expressed surprise, I had not gained it was over a weekend? His view..He had paddled me long and hard on Friday for being 1/2 pound over, and I was still 1/2 pound over...guess He did not make an impression on me. I said He had, but....not buts allowed, He obviouly did not do a good enough job on Friday, and was going to remedy that today. GULP...He was calm and determined...

I was told to get over the ottoman, hands on the floor. He went and returned with a cane. He told me if I moved out of position, He would start over, and the target would change to my thighs. I rarely get spanked on my thighs, but I know it increases the pain and burn by a lot!

No matter how prepared I think I am...the burn of that first swish always surprises me. I was determined to stay in position and keep breathing. I did not count, could not count, but was ouching and owing and groaning..but staying in position.

Finally there is a break...I hear Master say, get up and same position other side of the ottoman. UGH..not what I wanted to hear. I slowly move Master tells me to stop hesititing.When I am over the ottoman I am told to spread my legs..wide. I do, He gives me antoher swich and is pleased with the welt. He informs me His goal is to make it so I remember very time I sit to eat for the next few days, that I need to lose at least 1/2 pound. After a few sets, I hear 10 hard ones...like the others were soft???
But they are harder, I do stay in position, Master actually says He is proud of me for staying in position. I am thinking finally, He is finished.

Instead I hear, put your legs together, six more, you will count and thank me..on your thighs. I try to keep myself thinking, only 6 more. After the third one, He says, not a good welt, that one might have to be repeated..( He did not repeat it, think He just wanted to see if I reacted). We get to 5, my thighs are burning , He asks me how many more,.."One Sir"...and I get the final one. Moving and getting up is painful.

As we are hugging, Master asked if He made an impression...He did. He then tells me tomorrow is going to be fast day for me. Fast, as opposed to slow?? He continues, I am to have only water all day. I say, not tomorrow, I can't. (I know, I should have only thought that). I am going to a pot luck lunch with my book club. I plan on bringing a fruit salad, so I will stay with a good eating plan. I say, well I can eat my fruit...No just water, and He means it. My thighs and my bottom are reminding me the best answer is Yes Sir. He tells me once again, He hates punishing for the same thing twice in a row, Friday and today...I am over my limit, He will see to it that I get back and stay there...whatever it takes. He says He probably was too easy on me Friday...NOT!

I do recognize that there are times I feel the need for a harder spanking. I had been feeling that lately, but I also felt that Friday had taken care of that. Master did not see it that way, and He gets to decide.

While I was over the ottoman Mater took a pic of my bottom and thighs. He said something about posting it here, I replied I had no idea how to do that...He said He could fix that,..we will see. (or maybe not see).

On the exercise front, I have upped both the intensity and time on the wii. I also have an ABBA dance disc, that leaves me panting, and very glad that noone is wathcing! The weather here has been fantastic..like May, so I also plan on walking the bike path. Hopefully I can get myself into a good exercise groove!

hugs abby

Upping the ante...

The title was suggested by Master, since I hate thinking up titles, I am going with it...it does seem to fit.

This has been one of those weeks when life takes over and patience is needed. I have never...still don't...do patience well.

Over the weekend, I included a note in one of my daily reports to Master. I knew I had been barely staying where I should with the weight, and although maintenance is helpful, I had been feeling that I needed more...something more intense. So I asked Master if He could rev up maintenance, for just this week. I knew I should ask in person, and would, but the note was like practicing.

My report on Monday was a 1 pound gain. Yes it was my birthday weekend, but Master had made it clear that was not to be used as an excuse for a gain. I have not gone over my limit in a while, and knew this would be excused, and I was worried about a "basement" visit...where there are no good memories or sessions. Master's project at work went a little crazy and He had to put in extra time, we did not get to settle the gain.

On Tuesday, I took a friend for a chemo treatment, it was supposed to take about 5 hours, I ended up being gone for about 10 hours, and got home totally exhausted.

Today was our first opportunity to get together. I was worried about what He had planned, but also had reached the point where, I just wanted it taken care of. After hugs and some chatting, Master told me to get naked and kneeling. I immediately let out a breath of relief, we probably would not be heading to the basement. As Master reclaimed me, He let me know that the gain was going to be dealt with, but that He was now more concerned with my exercise...or lack of it. He wants me to tone up, and also the eating part will be easier to deal with if I am burning more calories. I agree, but I hate to exercise...wish I was addicted to it, but no way.

So, Master has decided I am to exercise in some way every day...I think He meant 5 days a week. By exercise He means I need to get sweaty and ucky and in need of a shower...UGH. I can choose what to do, but it needs to be something more than a nice stroll on the bike path. Master is not one to micro manage, although He can. He prefers to set a goal...like with weight loss and let me decide how to reach it...He also provides the incentive:) or :(! He did say He could start expecting me to measure myself weekly and send it a report (no way do I want that to happen), or I could exercise in front of Him ( I know that would not be a happy time), or I can just decide to figure it out on my own. For now I am on my own...

Master then told me to get over His lap. I knew He was being kind, a punishment where I am over His lap...almost unheard of....but so appreciated! He had His green shamrock paddle..it is smallish, but thick. He started in with a fairly long set, letting me know this was His version of a warm up...we do have different definitions of that term. Then He tucked me in, and was spanking hard and fast, for what seemed like forever, with no break. I managed to not move around and keep myself from asking for it to be over.

When Master finally stopped, we chatted a bit about consequences and expectations, and then Master said, time for Maintenance. We need to rev it up a bit? I immediatly replied no, I had changed my mind. He did not buy it, and said He thought it was a good idea. We talked about submission, and pleasing Him, and how I feel when I know He is pleased with me. He said He was going to give me another hard paddling, and when He was done, I would kneel between His legs, look at Him and thank Him....and it needed to be sincere. On top of the first paddling it did not take very long for me to feel like my bottom was on fire. This was another long, hard paddling.
But, I could also feel myself relaxing inside, going to my special submissive place, feeling like my world was being put right. That probably sounds a little crazy, and I am not sure how or why it works, but it does.
When He stopped paddling I immediately knelt between His legs. He reminded me to look at Him, and I sincerely thanked Him...and did truly mean it.

We chatted a bit, about being ready to add to my submission, and if I thought my plate was full. He also let me know that He expects I will do everything He expects, because I want to please Him, that I should not be trying to "get away" with something. I feel I am there...at least most of the time. He then told me to get up and get His large paddle out of His bag. I found it, and nicely handed it to Him.

He had me go back over His lap, and said He would be using it more often. I groaned, and He decided to let me know how it felt. He gave me 5 hard ones, and asked how they compared with the early ones...this is a larger and heavier paddle...the burn on my bottom was re-awakened and intensified.
He then decided to check if any part of me had enjoyed His paddling. He found me to be wet and swollen, so of course, He let His fingers rub and poke and pull...and soon had me squirming and panting. He chose then to remind me that this was punishment...no permissions granted. I groaned...

So being the generous Master, He offered me deal. I could earn a permission by asking Him for 5 more hard ones with the large paddle. As I considered it, He continued to use His finger and hands to keep me "on edge". It did not take me long to realize I needed to accept His terms, and agreed. He wanted me to ask very nicely, and keep count and thank Him after each one. They were even harder than the previous ones, but I had earned my permission...or 2...or 3. He chuckled and said He should have upped the ante, and made the permission worth more than just 5 more.

After some quiet cuddle time, our time was over. Master had indeed upped the ante...the exercise ante, the maintenance ante, and the expectation ante....if we were playing poker, it would be my turn to meet the bet.

hugs, abby

time to add another candle to that cake!

Yes, this is my birthday weekend. I think one day is too little time to properly celebrate...I would like to get away with a week!


Friday morning Master sent me a text before I was even out of bed. He was packing His toy bag, and getting out of work early , so we could start the weekend with a private bithday celebration. Now that is a wake up call I could get use to!

I won't reveal my age...but when I say it out loud it sounds old...Master said it is the age inside that counts, and that is still very young. After a bithday hug, Master put the wrist and ankle cuffs on me. These are the best, they are leather, but fur lined, and just having Him put them on me, moves my mind to a very submissive place. We should use them more ofter...hint, hint. Then it was kneeling time , with Master massaging me all over, making sure I was very relaxed.

Master said this could take a while, since He was going to give me my age with the toys, I suggested that maybe each decade might be better for some of time, that gave Him a chuckle.

We started with my favorite...the large, leather flogger. He started with swirling it all over...up and down, in and out, swirling...ahhhh.
Then the flogging, mostly on my back, one set on my bottom. All too soon, even at my advanced age...He had finished with the flogger. My next favorite, over His knee for a lovely hand spanking. Of course, Master cannot hand spank, without letting His fingers roam after each set, so by the end of the hand spanking, I was nearly floating.

I am not sure about the order of the other toys, but they included, the Shamrock paddle, a wonderfle small leather paddle, a few other small paddles. Then it was up and over the edge of the sofa for the large leather strap. I had to alert Master at the end of each 10, so He could switch sides. Then, what I think is Master's favorite leather....His whip. We have not played with the whip in a long time, and yes it is leather, but I do have to adjust to its sting. Master was about to start the last set, when He said, nice and hard...right? I hesitated, but gave the Yes Sir. As soon as He finished He was quickly rubbing the sting out, and clearly admiring the design on my back.

I was then told to kneel between Master's knees, and let Him know if I had enjoyed my birthday spanking...since I had, I definately let Him know how much. I was then told to turn around , so He had access to my bottom, and Master soon had me begging for permissions...and a few were granted.
We then spent some quiet time, just recovering and enjoying each other.

It was a great beginning to my birthday weekend!

abby

service is...

...whever Master wants! Seems simple, when I stop complicating it! I solved the "keeping Master sane" dilema after my failure last Friday. In bed Saturday morning, it dawned on...He was asking me to be His secretary, to keep from losing track of time, to remind Him there are other items on His agenda....and Sarah Thorne left a comment about beng an administrative assisstant. (could someone please give me easy dierections on how to cite someone's blog when I mention them..thanks!) I figured that was a promotion up from secretary! Master chuckled when I told him about this, He said it is all service...and if an administrative assissitant is want He needs, it is how I serve Him.

I sent Master a couple texts today and left a couple voice messages, He spent most of the day in meetings. He thanked me for them, and was pleased. When His day finally ended we had "our" time. I gained 1/2 pound over the weekend, that puts me at the limit of my 2 pound above the goal. We talked about that, and He questeioned me about exercise. He has been telling me I need to get back to it...and yes, He is right...luckily I did today.

We then moved on to kneeling time, and His focus on my breasts. I was then invited over His lap. He gifted me with a fairly long hand warm-up with lots of rubbing. Since this is Monday, maintenance was also in play.
I felt the coolness of wood, and groaned, He turned it over to let me feel the bristle side...so much nicer. He then started in with it, but lightly with a slow build-up, just as I was really relaxing into it, He said, don't relax too much, this isn't the maintenance part. I asked if it could be, and we both know that would not work, I need the harder maintenance to keep me balanced.

He then 'tucks' me in, and that brush starts to fly, hard and fast.
I am ouching and tapping my feet, He was doing a thorough job. Finally He stops, and just as I start to breathe normally, I hear....10 more hard ones for not keeping me sane on Friday. They were hard and slow. finally I start to breathe again, and I hear 10 more hard ones for being at the end of your 2 pound leeway. I rise up, turn and look at Him and say...what? He replies...on, 12 more. It does not take me long to get back in position and take the 12....

Master then does His check to see if I am wet. I am and He tells me what a good girl I am. We continue on to several permissions, and end with some quiet snuggling time.

I thank Master for giving me this time, He says it is as much a givt to Himself!

I know I can do this...I can serve Master as a secretary...that is what He needs at this time. It is not nearly as complicated as I tried to make it.

hugs,,,abby

Master might go insane.....

Master is sane, but if it is my task to keep Him that way He might be in trouble.

In my last post, I wrote about my new task, to keep Master sane while He is working on His latest work assignment. That was Wednesday, I failed on Friday....one whole day.

Friday morning, I sent Master a text asking for permission for my errands. The rule is , if I don't get a reply in 15 minutes, then my requests are granted. Now I rarely do not get an answer, He is very good at sending me a quick text. I did not get an answer, but knew I could still get what I needed to done.

I call Master at lunch time every day, unless He knows that I have an appointment or for some reason cannot. On Friday lunch time rolled around, and I thought...time to call Master. Then some "demon" popped into my head and created the thought...if He was too busy to reply to a text, He is probably too busy for a call...I KNOW..I do know, that is ridiculous, and should have just laughed and called Him. I did not call.

I heard from Master as soon as He got out of work. "Why no call today?"
That was the last question I wanted to answer, but I did. The best I could do is reply, "I guessed you were too busy". I know, pretty lame, and He was not pleased...asking me if that is how I planned on keeping Him sane. I apologized and added I am not really comfortable with being the keeper of His sanity. He was less impressed with that. I promised to try harder, no to actually work harder at it, and He accpeted that.

I know, logically, that since Master wants me to do this, I am not taking control or over stepping, or 'topping from the bottom', but then why am I struggling? If I should somehow cross a line, He will let me know, He really doubts that will happen. One day, and this is supposed to be a 6 month project...so I have spent some time today trying to come up with a different mindset, and some ideas that will help me keep Him sane, and me obedient. Wish me luck!

hugs, abby

it's been a while......

Hi, I am abby....lol in case you have all forgotten...it has been a while.

I spent a week with my mom. It was good for both of us, to have the time to talk about dad, and about her, to sort through things she has not been able to do alone. We ate when we wanted, what we wanted (with me being careful not to go overboard), and just enjoyed each other's company. I went a week without internet, missed it at first, but survived.

Then it was off to Boston, it was hectic, fun and busy, My 2 year old grand daughter is all energy and movement. She loves to run, and on the second day, she tried to teach me how to run faster. How to place my feet and hands and arms, and to move them very fast....I slept well every night!
By the time I got on the computer at night, I checked email and sent my report to Master, and went to bed. I have a lot of catching up to do with all of you.

In my last post, I mentioned taking my wheelie thing with me. Its official name is a Whardenberg wheel. It is a medical tool, I believe. Mine was very unexpensive, ohhh do I love it! It is metal, has a small rolling spike wheel. Master uses it all over, with different pressure, it fits anyplace, the sensation is relaxing, awakening, sensual....just thinking about it makes me tingly!

Master and I had our welcome back time. I had so missed his smell, his touch, his feel...all of him. We enjoyed kneeling time, a wonderfully long awaited for hand spanking, a maintenance spanking...with the hairbrush. When I groaned at the hairbrush, He promised to use both sides, the soft bristle side is of course, my favorite side! LOL We had some serious re-connecting time, and some chat time.

I managed to only gain 1 pound while I was away,,,guess my grand daughter is a good influence! He was very pleased. Before I left I had been struggling with exercising every day. Once I let the routine slip, it is hard to get back to it. Master made it clear He did not care if I use the wii, or walk, or whatever, but He expects an exercise plan, and for me to get to it. I am working on the plan, I am just struggling with the motivation part, not that I want Master to get involved in motivating me.

Master was also very happy that while I was away, I was very careful to keep up with all His expectations. Those often slip a little when we are apart, but I was very alert to not letting that happen this time. Master noticed, and let me know that He was proud of me!

Master has been assigned a new project at work. He is excited about it, except for the fact that it has a 6 month dead line, and He does not think is possible. If I know Him , He will make it happen. Since He also knows Himself, He has assigned me a new task...."the keeper of His sanity"!
He wants me to be aggressive, pushy, about our time together. To really work at making it happen...He realizes this is a stretch for me, outside of what I am comfortable with, which is why He has called it a task. I am not all that comfortable with this new task, there is still a little part of me, that worries, if I cross some invisible line, He will say, it is too much, and decide to find a more suitable submissive. I KNOW it is not logical, but it is there. I am going to try, I started by texting Him more often today, He always is telling me, it can't be too much, we will see. I need to stop thinking of it as being "in control", and see it as doing what He wishes...wish me luck on that.

I hope to be catching up with all of you soon. I am not planning an extended time away until April, when a new grand daughter is due!

hugs, abby


I

hello....good bye

I returned from my visit with my daughter and her family yesterday. It was a fun weekend...My granddaughter called last night and said she was missing me already! I had a busy day, unpacking, laundry, organizing and re-packing! I have an early morning flight out tomorrow. I am going to spend a week with my mom. I am going to help her do some more sorting, organizing and cleaning... and spend some alone time with her. Over Christmas there were so many of us...it was fun, but hectic.

My son and 2 year old granddaughter are coming to get me next weekend so I can spend a week with them...I will be away for 2 weeks.

Master and I did squeeze in some time together this afternoon. We started by just sitting and chatting. I was sort of having a pity party for myself...after listening and being supportive and saying all the right things, He let me know the pity party was over!

It was time for kneeling. Master spent a long time on my breast, smushing, pulling, tugging and kneading. It actually felt right, and put my head back where it needed to be.

Then it was over His lap. He started MM day off with a warm up! I was surprised and pleased, and told Him what a nice guy, letting me have a warm up...His reply...maybe because I know you will need one. That made me think! Then it was paddling time. He did not waste time, and when I put my leg up, my thighs became the target. I settled in, and after a few sets, He stopped for some rubbing. Just as I was relaxing, He stops rubbing, picks up the paddle ....this is for that pity party...and He gives me antoher hard volley. I am ouching before He is done...but when He is, I know I am at peace.

His fingers are then starting their magic journey...He remarks I am already wet and ready. I am soon soaring and pleading for a permission or two. Master remarked that He thinks the harder He spanks me, the readier I am...

Master then assigned me 2 new tasks to do while I am away. I am to take my little wheely thingy with me, and use it to help get me ready to ask for permission. I love that little thing, it has been a while since it has been used, so I am looking forward to using it. Also I am to play with myself for at least 3 minutes each day.

I will be checking and seeing what you are all up to...

hugs, abby

a light bulb moment

Since I am leaving tomorrow for my long weekend with the grandkids, Master and I met for maintenance today. My bottom was still tender from yesterday, but maintenance happens every week, and as Master pointed out, I was the one going away.

We were chatting when I arrived, when I started to get naked, so I could kneel. Master was quite surprised, (and I think pleased) that I did not wait for Him to tell me. While kneeling we discussed yesterday a bit, and that He hoped my head was back where it needed to be.

Then I was told to lean over the sofa, feet spread wide. He said He had decided on leather today, and I heard the swish of His belt...that sound is like no other! He gave me one swat with it doubled and said that it was too "thuddy", so He started using just the end of the belt....that was REALLY stingy! After a couple He told me to count silently to 25 and let Him know when He was done. This was something new, and counting silently is harder than counting out loud, I did not dare miscount, but instead of Master keeping up with my counting, I had to keep up with His swinging. Master kept saying it's leather ...relax, and I wisely just kept counting. Finally I loudly said 25 that's it!

He congratulated me that our counts matched...I commented I did not want any extra....nor did I want to start over...He chuckled again, good thinking. Just as I was relaxing I heard Him say, time for the other side, same routine. I let out a very loud moan, I thought we were done. We were not, and I counted silently again, really really happy when I got to 25.
Master was rubbing as we chatted, me still in position. Soon my knees were buckling and I was having trouble staying still and standing. Master kindly told me to cum for Him.

We talked about the weekend, and what He expects. He gave me a couple extra tasks to complete to help me stay on track. He also reminded me that I have only 1/2 pound to spare before I am out of my safe weight zone. When I return I am in town only 1 day before I leave to visit my mom, so I am determined to make that day one with a happy Master.

My light bulb moment....last night I was thinking about Master and our afternoon. I often need time to process and think about our chats. I knew I had faltered in my rules, and maybe had been a little rebellious. The strange thing is, I had been thinking I want/need more control. What I realized last night was,,,if I can't handle...conform to...keep....obey...the rules I have, I certainly have not earned more control. A long time ago, someone told me, the more submissive you are , the more dominant your partner will want to be. It was a good time to remember that advice...and if I become more diligent in following my rules and pleasing Master, that in and of itself is more control. Hope that makes sense to someone else out there.

Have a great weekend all...

hugs,
abby