Discovery and Acceptance ......the start of my journey,,,,A collaboration with Willie

             
     Our friend Willie and I have been talking about collaborating on a post... and it might be an ongoing project.  "At the Heart of It"  posts are where  will try to  dig deeper into certain subjects.  Willie has been thinking about self-validation and acceptance, I think acceptance is a topic we all think about.  We are each taking a different slant on the topic...mine is...how I discovered ...and more importantly accepted that I was submissive and how that impacted my self-validation, leading to more self love.
       
        Spanking...it was a word that stuck in my head.  I had been reading spanking stories on line, and even ordered some books of my own.  It did not take long for me to want more....to want the experience, not just to read about it. As luck..or fate..would have it, M was on the same site.  We started chatting which eventually led to a first meeting....a beer.  I almost did not got in for that beer, but something told me...now or never, and it is just a free beer.  We did only have one beer, but we sat there for a long time laughing and talking.  We shared many other things besides spankings, he was on the bossy side, and had a wonderful sense of humor. Yes the very same M who is now my Master, was a person I met for a beer...almost 20 years ago....and he gave me my first spanking. I was so excited, thinking at the time...great I will get spanked, get it out of my system, and move on.  I did get spanked for the first time...over his lap, with all my clothing on...he was and still is a gentleman...but it did not erase the urge, the wanting, the desire.
      At one of those early meetings, He asked me how it felt to express my submissiveness...I laughed and then told him..sorry not a submissive bone in  this body.  He chuckled and said....you submit to being spanked.  I did not have a reply to that, since it was the first time I associated spanking with being submissive. (and  yes, we both do realize, there are many reasons for people to spank, and submission does not have to be one of those reasons.).
     So, I had discovered a part of me, that I never knew existed...I was the oldest in the family, a junior high teacher, a mother of 3.....not much submission to be found in any of those roles.  Master is no fool, he slowly lead me down the path to submission.  Starting with one rule, and sticking with it until it was part of my life...and then adding another rule. I discovered that not having to be in charge all the time was freeing, that having someone who wanted to take care of me was pretty wonderful, that I was indeed a sexual person..who could respond and orgasm and enjoy sex.  All of this happened slowly, one step at a time....and it opened me up to a whole new world.
        M showed me that I could still be in charge in the classroom, when helping a friend, with the grands, and when I needed to be...but that also having a back-up, someone who was willing to help, advise and jump in and help and maybe even take over,  was a good thing, I did not have to do it all.
I became a more relaxed person, more accepting of  all of me.  I grew  to  love all of me....the submissive and the in charge gal.....to be more comfortable with all of me.
        It took me a long time to discover that 'submissive' part of me...and had I not showed up for that free beer, it might never have happened.  Yes, I would still have had a good life and probably never known what I would have missed out on.  I am so thankful that I took a deep breath and decided to have that beer....hugs abby