A Case of the 'Needies'

        
      Since tomorrow is Mother's Day, i would like to wish all of you  mother's, grandma's, aunties.....whatever the title...a very happy day.  One filled with hugs and appreciation....and maybe even breakfast in bed!  That breakfast is a long standing tradition in our house, i have to say the quality of the breakfast has greatly improved over 30 years.

     It was beautiful here today..sunny, a slight breeze and just the right temperature.  I even walked the nearby bike path for, i think, the first time since my surgeries.  It is about 3 miles, and it felt good to be able to complete it.  As i was walking, the word 'needy', kept my mind occupied.  It is a word that seems to be popping up in a few blogs, so i thought i would add my two cents (not that my thoughts are even worth 2 cents)...on the subject.

      I remember when i was first aware of having the 'neediness' bug.  It surprised, scared and bothered me.  It was, maybe 4 years ago, and it hit me like a ton of bricks....me the independent, self sufficient, mostly in charge woman....i was struggling with the emotion.  I had just started blogging and wrote a post about how i was feeling.  A no longer blogging, very wise lady, left a comment.  Basically, she wrote that i was equating neediness with weakness, and it was a bad equation.  It was an emotion i had blocked out of my life, so i was very uncomfortable with it.  Being needy is part of having a strong connection to another person, it is an admission that we are only whole with that person.  As a submissive, that need is what pushes my desire to serve my Master.  I was impressed with her words, i have repeated them to myself when i start to feel uneasy about needing more.

       When i think about it logically...which isn't often enough....i need air, water, food, clothing (well most of the time i do:), i need the human touch, and so on....none of those are considered wrong or bad......there are just needs......

       I have started to be able to express the need to Master.  He always reacts positively, and spanks longer or harder.  When i say that i feel the need for a 'shorter leash' for a day or two, He makes me feel very tethered.  He has told me, more than once, He loves my neediness, it feeds His dominance.  I have told Him that at times, i worry that it is too much, i am afraid of asking for too much...needing too much. I have worried about crossing a line where i have asked for too much...His reply, there is no such line, and if there were i am not even close to it.  I would not be surprised if those are the feelings of many dominants.

        Maybe, being needy, not only  feeds the dominant, it also feeds the submissive.  For me, i feel  more open, more vulnerable when i express my need, when i let it out in the open.  It opens me to more dominance and  fills me with a need to be more submissive......a win/win situation perhaps?? 
Does this mean i will embrace my neediness...probably not....but i can see it as just a natural part of my submission, a tool to bring Master and  i closer.  

      And that is my two cents worth...

hugs, abby