Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Why Push Limits?

    In my post on pushing limits, Mona Lisa asked why push limits....I thought about it, and i think i understand where the question is coming from..."why fix something that ain't broke"...train of 
thought.  Master and i are not broke, and at the moment, are not trying to fix anything.

    Before i go on , i want to add, that power exchange relationships run the gamut of possibilities.   My favorite advice to give to 'newbies' when asked, is......there are no rules, the relationship has to work for the 2 people involved, ...of the many of us out there, no 2 are exactly alike....as it should be.  

    Master and i have been in a M/s relationship for almost 8 years...and knew each for a few years before we took that step.  Master considers it part of His duties to push my limits. Honestly, if He never pushed, we would rarely move forward. I just am not one to suggest a lot of  new ideas, although it has been known to happen.  When we first started this journey, having me kneel naked was pushing my limits...multiple orgasms...an impossibility, or so I thought.
He has had me do things i never would have thought possible, not all of which i was happy with or wanted repeated, while others...well thank goodness, He pushed!

    Master is always willing to listen to any new ideas or suggestions i have, He encourages me to research, and bring ideas that interest me to Him.  He is open to anything i might want to try.
Most of the 'pushing' is Master's doing.  I always have the option to say...can we talk about this, i am not sure about this, can we take it slowly....He considers my thoughts, sometimes, i am told to take a deep breath and trust Him...not always what i want to hear, but i do trust completely, He has earned that , so i do.

     Master and i both believe that even if your relationship is in a great place, you should not become complacent.  Moving forward is a better option that 'idling' and staying in place.  I am the more  hesitant one to test the waters, to put aside some misgivings, to want to delve into the unknown.....but i am willing to follow Him into the waters or the unknown.  I know...with all my being, He will never let me be harmed, hurt me, well that is another ball of wax.

     So, for Master and i, pushing limits is akin to moving forward.  Usually He is moving a little faster than i am, but He always waits for me to catch up.  So far, pushing those limits has been rewarding, bringing us closer, exposing me to new delights.....proving to me that...Master knows best!

    So, I would like to know, what do you all think....do you view pushing limits as a good thing...does it happen in your relationship?....

  hugs abby
    

29 comments:

  1. Heck, I can barely get my husband to wake up once he's fallen asleep on the couch...I'm pretty sure that's pushing his limits most the time. :-) LOL Seriously, love and trust...the basis of all relationships. I love my husband more than anything and trust him entirely if he ever wanted to try something new and adventurous...my asking him to spank me was probably me pushing his limits, and it happened gradually but it helped us to grow closer and more intimate with one another...has he pushed my limits...well...not yet...but he now asks for things he would like and I happily agree to try anything once...so we are still playing and learning and growing...ask me again in a few years...or maybe after the children are grown and we aren't so tired all the time for fun activities in the bedroom... :-) thought-provoking post... :-) Hugs, Terps

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    1. Thanks for your wonderful comment. Raising a family,,,and all the goes along with it...is exhausting. Both Master and i are beyond that...leaves more time for play:) With trust and love all things are possible.
      hugs abby

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  2. I do agree with that completely. Although I don't have alot of experiene under my belt, my former Dom always wanted to push just beyond my limits, just to see what I could handle.

    He asked a question of me once that I will ask of you, just because I thought it was very interesting ... "what if we explore all there is and I start to bore you?" My immediate response was "not possible" .. What do you think Abby? Is there such a thing as exploring everything to the point of boredom????

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    1. Very interesting question...I can't imagine that it is possible to explore to the point of boredom....there is always a little something you can tweak or change. Thanks for visiting and for the comment.
      hugs abby

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  3. I often think.....well several things. Sometimes when I am gone to the point of not wanting it to end and he decides I have had enough, Im like....no. Then I read a blog post about a woman having her boobs nailed to a board, Im like noooo. I worry....worry that I may get to the point where I do want something harsh. For now I plan on going with the flow....trust him. He pushes me daily, gives me writing assignments....I hope that never ends.

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    1. I think we all have our limits, I read about the boob nailing also...that was crazy. Trust is the key word....
      hugs abby

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  4. Hi Abby,

    This is a wonderful thoughtful post. I agree, it's good not to be complacent and to push boundaries and step out of our comfort zone in order to keep the relationship moving forward. We have done this slowly in little ways fairly constantly I think. Perhaps not always pushing per sec, but a bit of 'tweaking'.

    Rick does push my comfort levels at times. Naked kneeling is something I still have some difficulty with, but it results in us feeling more connected as I feel more vulnerable and submissive and he responds to this.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Master often surprises me with something new. A morning text that He wants a picture of a certain part of my body...showing something specific, as a vague example. It takes work to keep things fresh and exciting, but it is worth it.
      hugs abby

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  5. I agree that you always have to try new things and some of those things are going to push your limits. I believe we all have secret desires that we hide from the world and sometimes even from ourselves and it takes either someone else or something else to force us to own up to them. I think stagnation is the reason couples go their separate ways - because "boring" becomes complacency. I think that's what breeds contempt not familiarity.
    Keeping it fresh or real really makes everything so much more interesting.

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    1. I totally agree,it is complacency that breeds contempt. Relationships take work, even when they...or maybe especially when they are no longer 'new'.
      hugs abby

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  6. Hello abby,

    It always is apleasure to read your posts. You and your Master have a wonderful relationship. Thanks for sharing.

    appy

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    1. Hi appy, thanks! we are determined to get this one right.
      hugs abby

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  7. Hi Abby,

    This is a really interesting post. When I think of pushing limits I think of it in that sense of pushing to get a reaction. This kind of limit pushing you are talking about is probably something Bucko and I need to explore more. Thanks for sharing.

    TL

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    1. welcome TL and thanks for the comment. Have fun exploring...
      hugs abby

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  8. Abby, thanks for this post. Very well done. So Sir and I have pushed each other from the moment we met decades ago. As switches for over two of those decades, we both pushed each other sexually. As husband and wife, we push each other to be better, to think more, to be happy, to love each other, to face our demons. As we shifted more to D-Sir and s-me, Sir most assuredly keeps pushing me sexually. I believe I push him in ways as well. I'll have to think more about this. It's a great post abby - have a fabulous weekend!!

    hugs,
    fiona

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    1. Thanks for the great comment. We do push each other, we are happy where we are, but it is the wanting more that keeps things exciting, i think.
      hugs abby

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  9. What I wouldn't give to have my limits pushed!

    Coming from someone who was once 'relationship lazy' or stagnate it is VERY important to keep things moving. Weather that 'moving' is pushing limits or doing something new or revisiting something from long ago - it's important NOT to become stagnate. I agree with sunny, that's when relationships crumble.

    Great post. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thanks, Sarah...i hope you get to have your limits pushed...there are lots of little ways to have it happen...for example, yesterday morning I got an early text from Master,,send me a pic of your wide open pussy...that was new for me.
      hugs abby

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  10. Daddy gave me an assignment to express my needs to him. One of the things I said I needed was for him to push my boundaries. It gives me a heightened sense of vulnerability and trust in him when he does. I don't always like it in the moment, but regardless of whether it is something I would want to repeat or not, it is always something that I look back on as a positive for our relationship.

    Great topic abby!

    hugs
    bg

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    1. I don't always like it in the moment, and anticipating it can stress me out....like you, it does end up being a positive for us.
      hugs abby

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  11. I want my limits to be pushed by my Mistress when I am a sub. And, she knows how to find new things that are exciting. She loves trying something diabolical and I find it thrilling. Sometimes, I will propose something different, sometimes she will add a new element to our play.

    When I Top, I try to push limits with the consent of the bottom. I have provided several friends with their first feel of the cane. I have scripted role plays.

    Yes. I totally agree. It is really fun to push limits. But,there must be trust built on many experiences together.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. I am with you....before limits can be pushed there has to be a history, lots of trust and a wanting to move forward.
      hugs abby

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  12. I definitely agree that we need to try new things in order to move forward in our relationship. I know my Scotsman and I have a few things we want to try....and he is encouraging me to push my limit there!

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    1. Pushing limits can be little things or even fun things...glad to hear from you.
      hugs abby

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  13. Having been married nearly 36 years I completely agree that you need to keep moving forward and trying new things. Life is too short to let it stagnate. We have so much more fun now. Occasionally we will try something and know it's not for us, but there are lots of fun things we wish we had done years ago. I haven't done the nude kneeling thing yet, but Starman does prefer me naked in bed, and 95% of the time naked for spankings. To begin with it felt strange and very vulnerable, yet now I enjoy it. Perhaps if limits are pushed slowly and gradually we can adjust more happily than if something is sprung on us.

    A well-written and thought provoking post. Thank you for sharing it with us.

    Hugs

    Ami

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    1. You make a good point about being pushed slowly, Master and i usually discuss any big pushes that He may want to try. There used to be a TV commercial...Try it, you might like it!
      Think that is the point.
      hugs abby
      thanks for you comment!

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  14. Like everyone else has said, this is such a thoughtful and well written post.

    Sir doesn't push my limits much sexually, at least it doesn't seem like it. But i have a feeling that maybe he's just doing it so gradually i don't catch it. On the other hand, we've never had a big "Here are my limits" conversation. i know, it seems like we would have, but no.

    He's careful with me, and He's not a sadist, so i guess i don't actually have any limits. Hmmmmm.... Now i'll have to go think about that...

    Thanks for this lovely post.

    sofia

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    1. Well, Master and i have never had a "Here are my limits" convo either.....at first that would have been a very very long list! LOL..
      hugs abby

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  15. I dont think pushing limits is essential, although it does promote growth, however if people are happy continuing as they are and it works for them, thats good enough.

    I like having my limits pushed albeit sometimes not at the time its happening but i enjoy exploring and discovering more about myself (my Master has vast more experience than me).

    I confess i did laugh to myself at the tit nailing comment, as i have had that done on a few occassions and well im alive to tell the tale, with all my bits attached lol (and i enjoyed it), i guess what one deems as safe varies, we tend to subscribe to the theory of rack rather than ssc.

    I do sometimes fret over at what point is enough enough, but i trust in my Master to decide when that point is..sure he likes to hurt me..i like being hurt but he doesnt want to damage me.

    Sorry i think i have rambled on.

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