finallly finding "me"

service is...

2012-02-27T19:11:00.000-08:00

...whever Master wants! Seems simple, when I stop complicating it! I solved the "keeping Master sane" dilema after my failure last Friday. In bed Saturday morning, it dawned on...He was asking me to be His secretary, to keep from losing track of time, to remind Him there are other items on His agenda....and Sarah Thorne left a comment about beng an administrative assisstant. (could someone please give me easy dierections on how to cite someone's blog when I mention them..thanks!) I figured that was a promotion up from secretary! Master chuckled when I told him about this, He said it is all service...and if an administrative assissitant is want He needs, it is how I serve Him.

I sent Master a couple texts today and left a couple voice messages, He spent most of the day in meetings. He thanked me for them, and was pleased. When His day finally ended we had "our" time. I gained 1/2 pound over the weekend, that puts me at the limit of my 2 pound above the goal. We talked about that, and He questeioned me about exercise. He has been telling me I need to get back to it...and yes, He is right...luckily I did today.

We then moved on to kneeling time, and His focus on my breasts. I was then invited over His lap. He gifted me with a fairly long hand warm-up with lots of rubbing. Since this is Monday, maintenance was also in play.
I felt the coolness of wood, and groaned, He turned it over to let me feel the bristle side...so much nicer. He then started in with it, but lightly with a slow build-up, just as I was really relaxing into it, He said, don't relax too much, this isn't the maintenance part. I asked if it could be, and we both know that would not work, I need the harder maintenance to keep me balanced.

He then 'tucks' me in, and that brush starts to fly, hard and fast.
I am ouching and tapping my feet, He was doing a thorough job. Finally He stops, and just as I start to breathe normally, I hear....10 more hard ones for not keeping me sane on Friday. They were hard and slow. finally I start to breathe again, and I hear 10 more hard ones for being at the end of your 2 pound leeway. I rise up, turn and look at Him and say...what? He replies...on, 12 more. It does not take me long to get back in position and take the 12....

Master then does His check to see if I am wet. I am and He tells me what a good girl I am. We continue on to several permissions, and end with some quiet snuggling time.

I thank Master for giving me this time, He says it is as much a givt to Himself!

I know I can do this...I can serve Master as a secretary...that is what He needs at this time. It is not nearly as complicated as I tried to make it.

hugs,,,abby

Master might go insane.....

2012-02-25T12:18:00.000-08:00

Master is sane, but if it is my task to keep Him that way He might be in trouble.

In my last post, I wrote about my new task, to keep Master sane while He is working on His latest work assignment. That was Wednesday, I failed on Friday....one whole day.

Friday morning, I sent Master a text asking for permission for my errands. The rule is , if I don't get a reply in 15 minutes, then my requests are granted. Now I rarely do not get an answer, He is very good at sending me a quick text. I did not get an answer, but knew I could still get what I needed to done.

I call Master at lunch time every day, unless He knows that I have an appointment or for some reason cannot. On Friday lunch time rolled around, and I thought...time to call Master. Then some "demon" popped into my head and created the thought...if He was too busy to reply to a text, He is probably too busy for a call...I KNOW..I do know, that is ridiculous, and should have just laughed and called Him. I did not call.

I heard from Master as soon as He got out of work. "Why no call today?"
That was the last question I wanted to answer, but I did. The best I could do is reply, "I guessed you were too busy". I know, pretty lame, and He was not pleased...asking me if that is how I planned on keeping Him sane. I apologized and added I am not really comfortable with being the keeper of His sanity. He was less impressed with that. I promised to try harder, no to actually work harder at it, and He accpeted that.

I know, logically, that since Master wants me to do this, I am not taking control or over stepping, or 'topping from the bottom', but then why am I struggling? If I should somehow cross a line, He will let me know, He really doubts that will happen. One day, and this is supposed to be a 6 month project...so I have spent some time today trying to come up with a different mindset, and some ideas that will help me keep Him sane, and me obedient. Wish me luck!

hugs, abby

it's been a while......

2012-02-23T11:41:00.000-08:00

Hi, I am abby....lol in case you have all forgotten...it has been a while.

I spent a week with my mom. It was good for both of us, to have the time to talk about dad, and about her, to sort through things she has not been able to do alone. We ate when we wanted, what we wanted (with me being careful not to go overboard), and just enjoyed each other's company. I went a week without internet, missed it at first, but survived.

Then it was off to Boston, it was hectic, fun and busy, My 2 year old grand daughter is all energy and movement. She loves to run, and on the second day, she tried to teach me how to run faster. How to place my feet and hands and arms, and to move them very fast....I slept well every night!
By the time I got on the computer at night, I checked email and sent my report to Master, and went to bed. I have a lot of catching up to do with all of you.

In my last post, I mentioned taking my wheelie thing with me. Its official name is a Whardenberg wheel. It is a medical tool, I believe. Mine was very unexpensive, ohhh do I love it! It is metal, has a small rolling spike wheel. Master uses it all over, with different pressure, it fits anyplace, the sensation is relaxing, awakening, sensual....just thinking about it makes me tingly!

Master and I had our welcome back time. I had so missed his smell, his touch, his feel...all of him. We enjoyed kneeling time, a wonderfully long awaited for hand spanking, a maintenance spanking...with the hairbrush. When I groaned at the hairbrush, He promised to use both sides, the soft bristle side is of course, my favorite side! LOL We had some serious re-connecting time, and some chat time.

I managed to only gain 1 pound while I was away,,,guess my grand daughter is a good influence! He was very pleased. Before I left I had been struggling with exercising every day. Once I let the routine slip, it is hard to get back to it. Master made it clear He did not care if I use the wii, or walk, or whatever, but He expects an exercise plan, and for me to get to it. I am working on the plan, I am just struggling with the motivation part, not that I want Master to get involved in motivating me.

Master was also very happy that while I was away, I was very careful to keep up with all His expectations. Those often slip a little when we are apart, but I was very alert to not letting that happen this time. Master noticed, and let me know that He was proud of me!

Master has been assigned a new project at work. He is excited about it, except for the fact that it has a 6 month dead line, and He does not think is possible. If I know Him , He will make it happen. Since He also knows Himself, He has assigned me a new task...."the keeper of His sanity"!
He wants me to be aggressive, pushy, about our time together. To really work at making it happen...He realizes this is a stretch for me, outside of what I am comfortable with, which is why He has called it a task. I am not all that comfortable with this new task, there is still a little part of me, that worries, if I cross some invisible line, He will say, it is too much, and decide to find a more suitable submissive. I KNOW it is not logical, but it is there. I am going to try, I started by texting Him more often today, He always is telling me, it can't be too much, we will see. I need to stop thinking of it as being "in control", and see it as doing what He wishes...wish me luck on that.

I hope to be catching up with all of you soon. I am not planning an extended time away until April, when a new grand daughter is due!

hugs, abby

I

hello....good bye

2012-02-06T19:04:00.000-08:00

I returned from my visit with my daughter and her family yesterday. It was a fun weekend...My granddaughter called last night and said she was missing me already! I had a busy day, unpacking, laundry, organizing and re-packing! I have an early morning flight out tomorrow. I am going to spend a week with my mom. I am going to help her do some more sorting, organizing and cleaning... and spend some alone time with her. Over Christmas there were so many of us...it was fun, but hectic.

My son and 2 year old granddaughter are coming to get me next weekend so I can spend a week with them...I will be away for 2 weeks.

Master and I did squeeze in some time together this afternoon. We started by just sitting and chatting. I was sort of having a pity party for myself...after listening and being supportive and saying all the right things, He let me know the pity party was over!

It was time for kneeling. Master spent a long time on my breast, smushing, pulling, tugging and kneading. It actually felt right, and put my head back where it needed to be.

Then it was over His lap. He started MM day off with a warm up! I was surprised and pleased, and told Him what a nice guy, letting me have a warm up...His reply...maybe because I know you will need one. That made me think! Then it was paddling time. He did not waste time, and when I put my leg up, my thighs became the target. I settled in, and after a few sets, He stopped for some rubbing. Just as I was relaxing, He stops rubbing, picks up the paddle ....this is for that pity party...and He gives me antoher hard volley. I am ouching before He is done...but when He is, I know I am at peace.

His fingers are then starting their magic journey...He remarks I am already wet and ready. I am soon soaring and pleading for a permission or two. Master remarked that He thinks the harder He spanks me, the readier I am...

Master then assigned me 2 new tasks to do while I am away. I am to take my little wheely thingy with me, and use it to help get me ready to ask for permission. I love that little thing, it has been a while since it has been used, so I am looking forward to using it. Also I am to play with myself for at least 3 minutes each day.

I will be checking and seeing what you are all up to...

hugs, abby

a light bulb moment

2012-02-01T19:00:00.000-08:00

Since I am leaving tomorrow for my long weekend with the grandkids, Master and I met for maintenance today. My bottom was still tender from yesterday, but maintenance happens every week, and as Master pointed out, I was the one going away.

We were chatting when I arrived, when I started to get naked, so I could kneel. Master was quite surprised, (and I think pleased) that I did not wait for Him to tell me. While kneeling we discussed yesterday a bit, and that He hoped my head was back where it needed to be.

Then I was told to lean over the sofa, feet spread wide. He said He had decided on leather today, and I heard the swish of His belt...that sound is like no other! He gave me one swat with it doubled and said that it was too "thuddy", so He started using just the end of the belt....that was REALLY stingy! After a couple He told me to count silently to 25 and let Him know when He was done. This was something new, and counting silently is harder than counting out loud, I did not dare miscount, but instead of Master keeping up with my counting, I had to keep up with His swinging. Master kept saying it's leather ...relax, and I wisely just kept counting. Finally I loudly said 25 that's it!

He congratulated me that our counts matched...I commented I did not want any extra....nor did I want to start over...He chuckled again, good thinking. Just as I was relaxing I heard Him say, time for the other side, same routine. I let out a very loud moan, I thought we were done. We were not, and I counted silently again, really really happy when I got to 25.
Master was rubbing as we chatted, me still in position. Soon my knees were buckling and I was having trouble staying still and standing. Master kindly told me to cum for Him.

We talked about the weekend, and what He expects. He gave me a couple extra tasks to complete to help me stay on track. He also reminded me that I have only 1/2 pound to spare before I am out of my safe weight zone. When I return I am in town only 1 day before I leave to visit my mom, so I am determined to make that day one with a happy Master.

My light bulb moment....last night I was thinking about Master and our afternoon. I often need time to process and think about our chats. I knew I had faltered in my rules, and maybe had been a little rebellious. The strange thing is, I had been thinking I want/need more control. What I realized last night was,,,if I can't handle...conform to...keep....obey...the rules I have, I certainly have not earned more control. A long time ago, someone told me, the more submissive you are , the more dominant your partner will want to be. It was a good time to remember that advice...and if I become more diligent in following my rules and pleasing Master, that in and of itself is more control. Hope that makes sense to someone else out there.

Have a great weekend all...

hugs,
abby

finally...settled

2012-01-31T18:51:00.000-08:00

I have been unsettled all week. I started to post a couple times, but just could not decide what to say, how to say it, why I was feeling this way. I think it was a combination of a lot of things....

Master has been extremely busy...(He takes on too much, but that is Him, and how He always will be)....and had to be out of town for a couple days for work. I had plans to be away with a friend for some gambling, and it just has been one of those times when vanilla life really interferes with D/s. I have felt so unsettled and uneasy, I was pleased when Master returned early today, so we could have some time.

I knew He was not happy with me. One of my rules, in fact my very first rule, was to send a daily report. I will admit, they have been a little haphazard lately, but nothing was said....and I did not send one at all for the past 4 days. I did get an email asking if I had broken my hands. So I was not sure what Master had planned.

We started with hugs and catching up with any news. I was then told to get naked and kneeling, He sat on the sofa in front of me. He asked where my head has been....I said I have been a little unsettled. He said ...rebellious might be a better word. I have never considered myself rebellious, and was shocked. I tried to explain about hormones and voices and....Of course He was not buying it. We talked a little more about if I was testing, I wasn't. I know what happens when I test Him, I learned that lesson the hard way a long time ago.

I was told to get over His lap. I was relieved to be in that position, I could feel the coolness of wood. He asked if I was surprised to be in this position, I admitted that I was relieved and happy to be over His lap, even with Him holding a paddle. He then started in with it, I said I was also hoping for a warm up..He said this was it. I got a couple rounds with the paddle, then we chatted some more. He said I had been disobedient, and I could not argue. The word shocked me, and I realized I had been...with no good excuse. I immediately was ashamed and felt the tears. Master tucked me in and said 12 more hard ones, and we are done with this punishment. When He finished we talked some more, about how displeasing Him makes me feel, and that we are pass any testing or disobedience over such a long standing rule. He makes the rules He decides if they are no longer needed.

As we were chatting His fingers were roaming and rubbing and getting me very wet. Master then asked if I had kept up with my exercise over this past week. Silence....then a quiet...not quite. How many days did I miss....2. He picked up the paddle and gave me 10 more hard ones for the first day, and 20 more for the second day....He reminded me the rule is at least 30 minutes 5 days a week.

Master then went back to letting His hands get me panting and squirming....I was shaking with need before He finally gave me permissions to cum. He told me that neither of these spankings count as maintenance, we will get to that tomorrow. I am leaving on Thursday to go see my 3 year old grandaughter and her 7 month old brother for a long weekend.

Master then had me kneel and think about what we had discussed while He worked on finishing a small project. I was told to clear my mind of anything else. I did and found myself relaxing and being settled.

I am His submissive, this journey with Master has been so much more than I ever dreamed possible. Disappointing Him is what unsettles me....After I helped Him with a small project..and got my first lesson in electrical work....we hugged...and I told Him I was very sorry. He told me I was forgiven, it was done, we are back on track.

hugs abby

I may be having a change of heart.....

2012-01-24T19:26:00.000-08:00

My weigh in on Monday was...stay the same. Not bad for a weekend and not a gain. I was pleased, Master was satisfied...barely.

When we talked Monday I asked if we could return to M&M day...maintenance Monday. He said certainly. (I did it, I asked, and I got maintenance scheduled...and it was not all that hard.) As usual, we started with some kneeling time, or as Master calls it...tuning everything but Us out time. It was not long before Master was assaulting my nipples, He seems to be especially interested in them lately. Then it was over His knee for a....chat. (LOL)

He started by complementing me that I had not crossed my ankles. I am more aware of trying to not cross them. Then as He was tapping the paddle on my thighs we started to discuss...exercise...or the lack of it lately. I got side tracked over the holidays and just have not been able to talk myself back into the routine. Master has decided to help me with that. As He continued to tap, He started to ask when I would start again...the longer it took for me to answer, the more He tapped. "We" finally decided I was to start today, for at least 30 minutes. ( I did...33 minutes). He said every day, but I am hoping He meant 5 days a week. I will have to check to check on that.

Once that was settled, it was spanking time. He started with a couple sets, of moderately hard spanks with His little paddle. He always asks me why we have maintenance and wants me to voice that it is to remind me of my submission, and to help avert any major punishment. He then says, last round will be slow and hard, He wants each one to set in. He rarely spanks me slowly, it was interesting. He would wait between each swat, rubbing the paddle lifting it, and waiting some more. They were definately much much harder. I was never sure when they were coming, I think as soon as I relaxed a little was His signal...now! It look a while to get all of the last 10 done.

Master then told me to straddle him, facing Him. He laughed and said, I see your wheels turning...what is He up to now? I was given a very long lesson in the pleasures of nipple play....using tongue, mouth, and even teeth. When He finished with one breast, I could feel my wetness, as He started on the second one, He asked if I ever thought I could cum just from breast play...uh..no. By the time He finished I was so ready...so I may be having a change of heart about breast play.

I was then turned around, straddling Him, but facing out....was told to keep my hands behind me, while He brought me to the edge. I did start to move my hands, to maybe help out a little, but was soon told to put them back. By the time I was hearing that I had permission, I was reading to explode...and I did. I was not quiet, but oh....when one is exploding it is hard to be quiet. Master sure knows how to encourage me to keep my good girl streak going...lol.

I want to follow up on PK's blog entry about reading other blogs and commenting. I do not have a blog roll, I have tried, but I am so computer illeterate it never seems to work for me. There are so many wonderful blogs out there, and it seems more every week. I read all types, I think it is interesting to see our differences, but even nicer to see how we are all alike. There are a few that I visit regularly and others that I get to as often as possible. If I hear of a newcomer I try to visit and comment, I know that a welcome is encouraging.

I do read a lot more than I comment. I feel bad that I don't comment on everyone that I read, but there is only so much time. If a topic cathes my eye, if I feel I have something to add, if I have time, I comment. I do reply to all who are kind enough to comment on my blog, it is nice to feel we are conversing.

I do travel...to visit family quite a bit. There are times when I am absent for a couple weeks. During that time I read, but usually do not post or comment.

Thank you all for reading and to those of you that stop to comment thank you twice! I feel I have learned a lot, and met some wonderful cyber friends!

hugs abby

a jumble of thoughts

2012-01-22T19:14:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about what to write for 3 days. It's not that I could not think of anything, it's that I have too many thoughts swirling around in my head. I finally decided to just start writing and see where I end up.

Last week was very busy. our MM (maintenance Monday) did not happen until Friday. When we first started maintenance Master decided that I was "in charge" of making it happen every week. It took me a while to accept that, and Master helped by reminding me and asking me the right questions. Although I am never totally comfortable being the one that "makes it happen" I did get used to it. ( Master's reasoning is that I need to learn to ask for what I need....there's another post!) Lately I have been struggling with it. Master has nudged me, and helped. Last week when I mentioned maintenance on Wed. Master replied that mentioning it did not constitute making it happen. I know, in my head, that I am not really in charge when I make maintenance happen...I am doing what Master wants me to do. It is still difficult and I struggle with it.

Back to last Friday, we started with kneeling time, Master paying lots of attention to my breast. I know many of you love breast play. I am getting more used to it, but it takes a lot of concentrating and breathing. Master then had me get over His knee for a wonderful hand warm-up. Before the spanking starts I get a hard slap on a thigh. I look up and say what? He is pointing to my crossed ankles. Last week I was allowed a pillow between them to keep them apart..no more pillow. I quickly uncrossed them, and Master said the count goes up next time. Then I relaxed into a wonderfully long hand spanking.

Master then asked if I wasnted maintenance before or after some more enjoyable activities. Knowing how mellow I am after I chose before. I stood and leaned over the ottoman and felt cool wood on my bottom. After a couple sets, Master tells me to count...quickly...and thank Him after each one and we will be finished with maintenance. I get to 7 before I hesitate, the next three I ask for quickly. Then it is on to more pleasant activities. Master has been using, and having me use the large toy He bought me different ways. It has been interesting, and challenging.

For a long time I have had to do a task for Master. We started with anything I chose, and it could be only a few minutes. some of the things have done include kneeling time, corner time (rarely), written stories, sent Him interesting pictures, and when I am feeling a little lost, laying in bed time.
A while ago Master decided that the "task" was to be at least 5 minutes, and laying in bed....really was not on the approved list...lol..what a surprise. Last week Master started assigning me new tasks...guess He was bored with my repetition. He did not like the word task...thinks it has a negative concept...He tried assignment, but to a long time teacher, that means work. I like to think of it as spending time pleasing my Master.

Over at "Finding Sara"....(sorry I don't know how to link)...there was an interesting discussion this week on the "Dilemna of Need". When I was pondering what to write about, the feeling of neediness was high on my list. I have struggled with it the past couple weeks, and have been trying to decide if the feeling has more to do with want than need. It's an interesting discussion, and once again helped me to realize I am not alone or unique in my various feelings. Many of us seem to have trouble with asking for what we need.

Have a good week all,
hugs,
abby

re-connected!

2012-01-17T19:41:00.000-08:00

It had been over a week since my last spanking, not too long ago I never thought I would ever say that. Now, a week is a long time. As Master said, life has a way of taking over. My back was hurting, He is really busy at work, I had to help a friend unexpectedly yesterday, etc....you all know, life!

This afternoon was finally "our" time. As I was kneeling and naked, He remarked, your head is not in the right place. Master is a great believer that submission is in large part head space..it starts there. I agree, only those voices...the ones PK gives names to....sometimes take up too much room. He was really giving my nipples a work-out, and I was having a difficult time settling in to it. Which made for an extra long nipple session...He is not one to give up or let me off the hook. I was finally relaxing a little and more accepting.

I am then told to lean over the ottoman, legs spread, bottom out. He asks if I know what this spanking is about. I say, for a mere 1/2 pound. He corrects me, I am 1/2 pound above my wriggle room, but 2 and 1/2 above my goal, I need to get back to my goal. He is also tired of this up one week and down the next. He s rubbing my bottom and asks again, what are we addressing? I hedge a little, but finally agree that I am more than 2 pounds above my goal. He says He wants some of that gone by Friday, and if I gain any next week, my rules will change...not for my benefit. I sort of want to ask how, but know better. He has me stay in position , while He goes to choose His toy for the day.

He returns with a cane. He is giving me sets of 6, then switching sides. I am not settled, and flexing my legs, and moving. He warns me to stay in position. I manage to heed His warning, and He is more pleased with the next set. I get a few more sets, and He asks what I need to do. I say get back to my original goal, no gaining. He asks if He should put the cane away I say, yes please, Sir. He asks if I am sure, I am. (One of these days, I might just shock Him and say, no, more please.)

He tells me to stay in position, while He puts it away, and returns to rub and probe and see if any part of me enjoyed my caning. He chuckles and says...pain slut. It is the first time He has called me a pain slut. I don't really consider myself one, compared to lots of others, I feel I am a real wimp. But I was wet and ready.

Master has me kneel between His legs, and we enjoy more submissive activity. I was introduced to oral sex late in life, and was never inclined to think it would be something I would care for...or enjoy. Guess one can teach an old "dog"...or sub...new tricks. Master then has me climb into his lap facing Him, and tells me I need to make myself cum, in that position. It takes me a while to even find a position where that is even remotely possible, and after lots of attempts, I find a rhythm that seems to work. Master is giving me permission, and I am off, and spent. I lean into Him, and we are molded together for a while.

He then tells me to get over His lap, so He can rub my bottom. I am like jello and it feels so good. We chat and Master says He was surprised by and pleased by my entry on Spanking Olympics. I know He reads here, we don't discuss all of my entries. He said it seemed like a change for me. I said, I don't share all of my weird thoughts...He thinks I should. Anyway, He said, I should invite any of you out there who would like to take part in a cyber Olympics. We could set up a challenge or event, and report.

Our time is over...my head is back to where it needs to be. My bottom is sore, but not throbbing, so I am a happy sub, and a very lucky one , also.

abby

booorrrriiinnnggg!

2012-01-14T18:23:00.000-08:00

No spanking or fun news, but I decided to post anyway..

I am having trouble posting on a few of your blogs, all I get is a white page. Some are working fine. Most of you know how computer illiterate I am, so any help would be appreciated.

I am sitting on some heat, but not from my bottom. I pulled something in my back last Wednesday. It has happened before, but this time instead of taking it easy, I decided to try and walk it away. Do no try this approach. It is feeling like it is getting better today, more stiff than sore, and the heat..and pain killers...are helping. Last night I actually could roll over and not catch my breath. Hopefully I will be good as new...err old...soon.

Winter has arrived here. It is about 6 weeks later than usual, and could have stayed away permamently. I have always lived where there are 4 distinct seasons, and love to see the change. As I get older I think winter is great...on Christmas day!

Otherwise, boring is the word. Hope you are all having a much more interesting weekend that I can read about!

hugs, abby

spanking Olympics??

2012-01-10T19:00:00.000-08:00

This morning I awoke early and could not get back to sleep. As my mind wondered, it went to places that left my grinning, and thinking good thing noone can read my mind. This is a silly post, sharing my eaarly morning mind wanderings.

I quickly realized that my bottom was still sore. I figured that it was 5 days in a row with a sore bottom, a record for me! Then I thought, that probably would not even win me a bronze medal in the spanking Olympics. I love the Ollympics and spanking is right up there also. so...

I decided Olympic was a loft goal, so I started thinking of a weekend of spanking games, where any and all interested were invited. There would be winners in each of the different categories. Lots of spanking, so in the "end" all would be winners.

I started to design the events or games.

1. Most spanks on a bottom in a timed period. First round is hand spanking for 5 minutes, the lowest count is eliminated. Second round is with a leather paddle, same elimination. Third round, is with a hair brush for 10 minutes, highest count wins. Any spankee getting out of position is eliminated.

2. Planning a spanking themed meal. Ideas could be...roast "rump" of beef....whipped pototoes....red bottom cake. There would be voting on the suggested menus.

3. Contest to see who can hold positions the longest.

4. After a whipping, who has the best design on their back?

5. Best idea for homemade spanking toys.

It was time for me to get up and start my day...I may think on this more...I bet all of you have even better ideas for events.

hugs...abby

MM's are back

2012-01-09T18:53:00.000-08:00

...as in maintenance Mondays!

I lost almost a pound over the weekend, so I am back to my safe, wriggle room. In the past I have not done well with maintaining, but I seem to have learned how to not go crazy and be reasonable. Finally!

Master had mentioned that we needed to get back to early week maintenance, so it was put on the schedule for today. I was a little concerned, my bottom was still tender this morning, not sore, but tender to the touch and occasionally when sitting. I cannot remember the last time I could still feel a spanking 3 days later....the tenderness is a kind of nice reminder, I will admit.

Our meeting started with some naked kneeling time. Master was concentrating on my breasts, and they also seemed extra sensative. He persisted, finally announcing that His goal this year would be to increase the amount of 'breast torture'...hmm certainly not one of my goals. Maybe learning to enjoy it more, should be, though.

Master then told me to lean over the ottoman, bottom out, legs spread. I hesitated, for only a bit. I was not being hesitant or rebellious, I was just givng myself a little pep talk. "No hesitation", I hear, "in position". One of my goals this year will be to not have to give myself a little pep talk. Not think about it, just do it.

As always, Master asks why we have maintenance and reminds me that He considers it a deterrant. I feel a large cold piece of wood, groan inwardly. He is rubbing my bottom and realizes I am still a little sore from Friday, this will be short, but not easy. He tells me to count and thank him after each one...not one of my favorite things to hear. He starts in hard, I get the words out after the first one, I wait a little too long after the second and am told to not hesitate. He wants quick strokes, which makes it harder for me. After 5, He stops a bit, to talk about maintenance then asks where we are up to...I remembered 6. After the 6th one He asks how many more do I expect, I reply 4 more, He chuckles and says you think you know me well. I think quietly, please let me be right.
The 7th one is unexpected, and I get out of position. "That one does not count, you know better, I expect you to stay in the position I put you it".
I get back and we are finally at 10...and He says the end. He is rubbing ans asking if I think it was enough...I am positive you can all guess my asnwer.

I am then invited over His lap, for some other fun activities. I am so ready, it does not take me long to be waiting to hear...cum for your Master, again, and again. Some snuggling and feeling safe time, some chattting , and I am back to kneeling. Master comments that since it is a new year, maybe we should add a rule or task to my submission. I am anxious to hear what He is thinking.

Hugs, abby

2 cures for the "blahs"!

2012-01-06T18:05:00.000-08:00

I have had a very 'blahish' week, not caring about much. Still feeling very much unsettled, and not sure why. Turning within myself, running in the wrong direction, and knowing it wasn't helping. Communicating with Master mostly through text messaging and voice mail, skipping a report, trying to hide my unease from Him. I even asked in a voice mail if Maintenance was going to continue this year, or if it had expired!

I stayed the same this week, meaning I was still 1/2 pound above my "wriggle room", the 1/2 pound Master had said He wanted off. When I weighed myself, I thought...only 1/2 pound, He could think it doesn't matter. (Yes I was that far gone).

His reply text when I sent my weigh in....I have found the bath brush, you will not want to sit all weekend. Guess that 1/2 pound mattered, and I had a few hours to think about that darn bath brush.

When we met, He asked me twice what was wrong, and twice I replied nothing. He wasn't buying it, asked if I was upset with Him or me...mostly me was my reply. As usual, I was told to be naked and kneeling and in position. He was pulling my hair, as He talked to me, letting me know that I had disappointed Him. That He knew I was not happy, but that making Him happy would resolve that. He said He thought about what punishment to settle on and decided a very long seesion over His knee with the bath brush was ahead of me.

I went over His lap. He reminded me that it was past the first of the year, so any ankle crossing would be punished and asked me what that would be. "Spanking on my thighs, Sir," Since this was going to be a long session He offered to put a pillow between my legs, as a gentle reminded, I was happy to accept. He started off with the bath brush, fairly lightly, with a long set, would stop for a quick rub, another harder long set, rub, another harder long set. I am not sure how many sets, but it was quite a few. Finally He stops and starts to talk.

He asks if I am realizing that this is not going to be a fast hard spanking. I am! He says, his intent is that I will feel this all weekend, as a reminder, that I am His, all of me. He then asked me what He expected of me. I shook my head in a no...trying to get my thoughts straight, and He laughed and said no?? I explained I was searching for an answer...and replied, whatever He wants from me. He then suggested I be more specific, so we went over my list of rules and expectations. I used to hate talking to Him when I was over His lap, but I now realize that in some ways it is easier for me to be more open with Him then. We went over the rules, and He asked if I would rather He "micromanaged" me more. Meaning, although I have to ask for permissions to go places, I almost never get a no, He does not suggest menus, or how I should exercise. I thought about it, there was a time when that would have been tempting. But, I am sure in a short amount of time, I would be struggling. Also, I do not ask for permission for anything I do not want or want to do, so to have Him say no simply because He can, would be difficult for me. A day or two of total control would be a great fantasy, but not for real life.

I asked if He was done with the paddling, He wasn't and He let me know the hardest were yet to come. He tucked me in, and made His point. It was a long and very hard paddling, He would do a set, give me a quick rub, and just as I was catching my breath, start in again. I stayed in place for most of it, concentrating on breathing, but it was too much and I was squirming and owing loudly before He finished. Yes all of that for 1/2 pound gain, but also to help me find my way back...and stay there.

He started to roam and 'check' out my wetness. Part of you enjoyed this a little, He remarked. He continued and as I started to whimper and squirm, I heard a stern warning, don't you dare cum...self control young lady. After a couple minutes I asked Him to please stop, and after another minute or so He kindly did stop.

He had me kneel between His legs while we talked. He asked if that was the worse spanking He ever gave me. No it was not, basement visits are the worse. He reminded me of the cane and His large paddles. He also asked if I remembered what His theory was if He had to spank me twice in a row for the same reason. I nodded, and said....that He needs to 'up the ante' since He did not do a good enough job the first time. Did I have doubts about what would happen if I gave a report on Monday and I still had not lost that 1/2 pound...I had/have no doubts.

We then stood and were hugging and He brought up maintenance. He asked if He needed to give me a maintenance spanking today. I replied, no Sir, I am all set. He looked me in the eyes and said wrong answer. Maintenance is a weekly occurence, no matter what else happens, no matter what other spankings occur, maintenance still happens. In fact, He added, maybe this year it should be a twice a week event. I looked at Him speechless, do You doubt I will do whatever it takes? No Sir, was my quick reply. So I was told to lean over the ottoman, He had worn His new belt that was a Christmas gift, since He wanted to test it out. He started out with it doubled, and to be honest, it felt pretty good. I think part of my bottom was numb, and He was not swinging very hard. He quickly caught on , and said I seemed to be enjoying this. So He undoubled and swung a little harder, it still was not harsh, but He was making His point. I soon heard, 10 more hard ones, and it was over. My blahs were gone, I once again felt safe and controlled in a caring way, I knew I had "me" back.

I got home to a voice message from my 3 year old granddaughter. She was excited, so she was talking fast. I had to listen 3 times to get the full gist of what she was saying. She had realized the "Red", her favorite fraggle rock stuffed animal, she calls him her baby, did not have a middle name. She had a middle name, so does her baby brother. So she asked her mom, who told her to pick a middle name. She asked how to do that, and my daugher told her, people usually think about people they know and like and choose one of their names. After thinking about it in her room, she announced that Red's middle name would be the same as grandma's. What an honor! She called to tell me the good news, and to tell me that made me a great-grandma....LOL! Feeling older but Blahs really gone!

Yes, my bottom is still sore as I sit here, I imagine it will be one of those nights when I think of Master every time I roll over!

hugs, abby

Why is it sometimes so hard?

2012-01-03T20:03:00.000-08:00

I finally slept well last night and woke up feeling much better this morning. I was pleased and somewhat unsettled. I have been away for a couple weeks, and then sick, and even before I left I was feeling very unsettled...for no particular reason just a general feeling. I kept trying to reach "me", the "me" that Master helped me to find, the "me" that usually keeps me sane, the "me" that has become a more open, trusting, sexual person...but that "me" seemed to be pretty elusive.

So I left, feeling a little lost before I left. No, I did not mention my feelings to Master, it was the holidays, we were both crazy busy, and I was not really sure why I was feeling so lost.

When I leave Master always reminds me to use my tool box. He is telling me to continue with my routines, to text, to call, to send reports, to ask for permissions, as often as I need to...to prevent any disconnect. On this trip my tool box pretty much remained unopened. We kept in contact with texts, but everything else pretty much went by the wayside. I was missing Him like crazy, and knew I was running away, not toward Him, but my "voices" were in full force, and I just kept going in the wrong direction. I finally convinced myself that Master deserved better ( He does )...and maybe I should just tell Him to find a prettier, skinnier, sexier, better all around submissive. Yeah..I was headed someplace I have not been in a while.

So, I got home, got sick, we talked about the holidays and family.
This morning when I sent my text I told Him to stay warm...it is FREEZING were....His reply was that He would be warming my bottom today.

I got to Master's we hugged, I went to check on His new project. He suggested I go and get naked and kneeling. He did ask what happened to my tool box while I was away. I did get naked and kneeling, but was not in the proper position when He walked in. He stopped, told me to put my hands where they belonged, and waited for the yes Sir....it did come out, but not immediately. He came over to claim my body, and talked quietly and calmly, to get my head back where it belonged, as He put it.

He finally told me to get up and put my hands on the ottoman, and my bottom up and out. He was not punishing me for gaining 1 1/2 pounds, even though that put me 1/2 pound above my wriggle room, but He was going to paddle me for His enjoyment. I felt the cold of wood and I looked up, as I felt the frist smack...it hurt, no warm up, almost 3 weeks since my last spanking, and a large piece of wood. After the 3rd one I moved out of position, was warned that would mean extras and bent back down. I hear Him telling me to relax and accept, I so want to say...hand me the wood and You relax...but I don't.

He continues to paddle, but in sets of 3, with rubbing after each set, I do recoginize this as a concession on His part. I hear 10 harder ones, and I manage to stay in place and breathe through them. He is pleased, after a rub, I am told last set, still harder, and I do get through it. He tells me those last ones were much harder than the first ones that I could not stand still for, I was finally getting my head in the right place.

I was then invited over His lap, for a hand spanking and more rubbing. We chatted a little about His expectations, and I did say to Him, You deserve better. His immediate reply was, then You should be better, because He is staying put. He reminds me it has been close to 10 years, I should be confident that He is hanging around and going no place. He also reassures me that He is pleased with my submission , my weight loss, my service to Him. I am finally relaxing and feeling like I am once again where I belong. We move on to more enjoyable activities, it has been way tooo long between permissions...my fault, I know.

So, as I sit here on a sore bottom, I once again realize how lucky I am. Master, My Master, knows "me" so well. He knows when to control, and when to encourage, when to scold and when to talk softly, and most importantly....how to help me find "me". I am also asking....why do I do this to myself, why do I sometimes make it so hard? Hopefully, I will remember today and not got down that road anytime soon.

hugs, abby

Happy 2012

2011-12-31T18:46:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas holiday. Mine had many special moments...four generations of females attending mass together on Christmas Eve, 30 members of my immediate family together for Christmas breakfast, seeing the faces on my 2 and 3 year old granddaughters when they realized Santa had come!..and more. Special times and special memories, it is always a special blessing when you see your grown children, and think... I must have done something very right!

I returned home a couple days early, on Thursday, I was unsure of the the weather this weekend, and I was missing Master way too much. (I must admit my "tool box" was not well utilized, and that always causes me to feel disconnected). I woke up on Friday morning with a running nose, congestion, cough, etc...I was miserable. I managed to do some unpacking and that was it...I was done in. I did not feel much better this morning, but planned on at least going to get some groceries, ended up giving my daughter a list and the credit card, so I am sitting here in my PJ's ready for bed. But first I wanted to say...

Thanks to all of my blogging friends for reading, commenting, even for lurking. You help me to realize I am more "normal" than I sometimes think, and you always have wonderful insights.

May you all get to have some of your wishes, dreams and fantasies come through in 2012!

Hugs, abby

Merry Christmas...

2011-12-16T18:12:00.000-08:00

I know I am about a week early with my wishes. I am leaving at 4:30 AM!!! to get to the airport for my flight to Boston. I will be there for a week helping with my 2 year old granddaughter..and then we will be traveling to Maine to meet up with the rest of the clan. It is always so heartwarming to see your children introducing long time family traditions to yet another generation!

I hope all of you have a Christmas that warms your hearts...and maybe your bottoms too!

hugs, abby

2 for the price of 1...

2011-12-13T06:37:00.000-08:00

I gained a pound over the weekend. All things considered, I thought that was reasonable. I also had lots of reasons *excuses* ready for Master.

Of course, He was not buying any of them. I was over my 2 pound limit...by less than 1 pound....but I was over. My new weight is going to be my weight, He explained. Truthfully, I knew He would not let it slide, HE does not let me fail or go backwards. As much as I sometimes wish He would give a little, I know with me, a little is a dangerous thing.

I was told to lean over the ottoman as He took off His belt. No basement and no wood...His version of being kind. There was no warm up, and I knew He was not swinging as Hard as He could, but I was struggling with settling and accepting. For some reason lately, that seesm to be the case. I think I got 50 in all, He did stop half way and rubbed and calmed me, something I was..and am...very thankful for. I was more accepting of the last half, even those last harder ones.

As I was kneeling between His legs, He says...so M&M?? My first thought was, He is offereing me candy after just punishing me for gaining? I looked up at Him, and He said...Monday Maintenance. I had totally forgotten about that. He invited me over His lap, and used His hand for this week's maintenance. Master's hand can be as hard as wood at times, but after a "belting", it was actually relaxing.

Then He started to roam, and just as I was squirming and panting, I hear, no permissions until you have lost what you gained, and I suggest you give yourself a little "wiggle" room before the holiday. I tried to move away from His hand and roaming fingers, of course that was futile. I was being punished, He wasn't. He finally told me to stand, and I could feel myself "dripping". The sooner I get that pound off the better!

abby

tis that time of the year

2011-12-11T17:39:00.000-08:00

.....when busy takes on a whole new meaning! I applaud those of you who are managing to blog regularly, I have read some thought provoking and heart warming posts. It just reminds me what a wonderfully diverse and similar group we are.

I have been trying to get everything checked off my todo list for Christmas. I am flying to Boston on Saturday, to help my daughter in law, since they are hosting all of us, and since she is pregnant and working, she needs to find some sleep time. I have two more gifts to buy, and everything is wrapped. That part is under control.

I went to two Christmas parties in the past week, yesterday was my youngest daughter's birthday. She wanted to celebrate at Cheesecake Factory. Does anyone eat there and NOT have cheesecake?? Today was cookie baking day. We tried some new recipes, so had to taste and see. Unfortunately tomorrow is weigh in day....Master is probably going to become the grinch.

Last Wednesday when Master was giving my my "mid-week tune up", as He called it, He noticed I was crossing my ankles,,,again. I keep telling Him it is just a natural reflex, He sees it as an attempt to block off access.
He asked how much longer He should give me before He starts making this a punishment issue. I asked how long I could have...He replied the beginning of the year.

Friday's weigh in was a stay the same...but I only had 1/2 pound left before I crossed Master's line of "don't go there". I was over His lap, enjoying a wonderful hand spanking, when I felt a couple sharp slaps on my thighs. I turned to look at Him, He was looking at my crossed ankles. I did not mention it was not yet the first of the year, I simply said sorry. After the spanking and other "fun activities" I got another couple swats on my thighs for the same reason. So I guess the first of the year was not an exact date. It is often these little things that really trip me up. Since I don't even realize I have crossed them, I will have to really think about keeping my feet apart. Wish me luck!

Have a good week all...

abby

M&M day....and an OOPS

2011-12-05T18:34:00.000-08:00

Today was our regular maintenance day for this week. My head was in a pretty good place for it, and I arrived at Master's thinking I knew what to expect. I was almost right.

After some chat time, I was kneeling before Master. We discussed last Friday, how special it was, and how much we enjoyed it. Master was playing with my nipples...not with His "gentle" power, but pulling and pinching and tugging. Master was pleased with my acceptance.

Then it was maintenance time. As always, Master reminds me that it is meant to help me avoid punishment, therefore it needs to a strong reminder. Master started right in with His acrylic paddle. He did give me two sets of lighter ones as a warm-up, which was much appreciated. He then put His arm around my waist, tucked me in, and I knew He was going to "rev" it up. They were fast and much harder, He did stop for a rub and to let me know when we were half way. I do much better knowing that we are half done. He finished the last half, and said He hoped it was enough to keep me out of trouble.

I was still over His lap, and we were discussing my coming week as He was playing and touching and getting me wetter. I mentioned it was going to be a tough diet week...I had 2 christmas parties planned. He replied...2 parties???? This week?? GULP, I knew what He was thinking, and He was right.
He asked if I had asked permission for those parties. I lay there quietly, He asked again...I finally admitted I had not. One of my rules is I ask for permission to go any place, I have struggled a bit with it in the past, but have learned to remember to ask first. I rarely get a no, Master sees it as a reminder that I am not in control.

"You don't have permission to go to those parties". I apologized and asked with a please if I could go...He asked how many times we had discussed this. I admitted to a few, He corrected me, saying it was more.

Master finally said, this time, I can choose, to eliminate one party or take a hard spanking. I did not want to choose either. Both parties were ones I wanted to attend, planning on seeing friends I had not in a while, and I had just received a maintenance spanking, I did not want a harder spanking on top of that. I asked for a 3rd option...staying home all week was a possibility.

I had been hiding my face in a pillow. Master told me to look at Hime. He said He knew I had not done this on purpose, that I was asked about the parties, wanted to go and said yes without thinking. That is what most people do, but not me. I belong to Him, I ask for permission before making plans. I need to remember that. So, I chose the spanking.

He tucked me in (again), picked up the acrylic paddle and let it fly. It was harder than manitenance and much longer. I was apologizing and asking for it to stop, and had tears in my eyes when He finally stopped. His fingers started to roam again, as He told me, it was a good thing we had this discussion today, not after the fact or on the day of the events. The consequences would have been harsher. I started to squirm and let out a shudder, He pulled out His hand, and reminded me...no permissions when I am being punished.

Master then said that the next time I plan without permission , I will have to cancel, no matter what the occasion. He asked if I knew He would do it...for some reason I answered probably. He reminded me not to test Him, we are beyong that, and I will not be happy with the result. Consistency and follow through are 2 of Master's strong points, I know that, and I have to admit, it is reassuring.

We then had some hugging and kneeling time before we said good by.

On the diet front I gained 1/2 pound, not bad for a weekend away. I am still within my 2 pound range, but just barely. I will have to enjoy the conversation more than the food at my parties.

abby

gently powerful

2011-12-04T18:51:00.000-08:00

I made a quick trip to visit my oldest (3 year old) grand-daughter and her baby brother this weekend. She was in her very first 'christmas concert' and I just could not miss it. It was well worth the trip. She was great, and we got to decorate the tree, make a gingerbread house and celebrate her mommy's birthday! Christmas magic is seeing it all through the eyes of a 3 year old!

Thursday afternoon Master and I met for some spanking fun. I enjoyed a lovely hand spanking and a few permissions, and we enjoyed each other's company in a lovely way.

On Friday, Master asked me to come over again. I was told to get naked and kneeling while He cleaned up. It took Him a while, and I started to get bored, let my hands slip from their proper position by the time He came into the room. He gently reminded me of their place. Little did I know that...gentle...would in a sense be the theme of that afternoon.

Master approached me and started to rub and massage all over. Then He gave my nipples a little squeeze, and started to gently circle them. At first I could barely feel His touch, as I relaxed and focused, I started to feel His gentle rubbing affecting me all over. He was quietly talking, reminding me that is how He touches my clit, as He continued, and I could not help but start to squirm. Master wondered out loud if I might need a permission before I even finished the kneeling time...it was getting close when He stopped and called me over to Him.

He told me to sit on His lap, I always hesitate a bit, worried about how I will fit. He told me to sit with my back to Him, my legs stretched apart as much as possible. I was strugging with keeping my legs apart, when He suggested I get the ottoman to rest them on. Then, He started again, very gently, one hand on a breast and the other in my pussy. Nothing rough or fast, just slow and easy and gentle. He was nudging at my neck and talking sofly into my ear at the same time. It was soon sensation overload, and I could barely contain myself.

I hear master say power can be applied gently, and still be powerful. I am panting and squirming. I need a permission! Master says He will count to 10 and I may cum when he get to 10. I don't hear a thing and I ask Him to please start counting. He does, and takes a long time to get to 10. I manage to time myself and explode on the sound of His 10. (I am so surprised when that works!) Of course one was not enough and it took me a while to quiet down and breathe again.

I told Master that was an amazing afternoon! He always finds a way to surprise me....and with the hope for more surprises like that how can I not be "good". I almost forgot, I loss 1 pound on Friday, and that was my reward...sure beats a gold medal!

Hope you all have a good week, Christmas parties are on my agenda...wish me luck with my weigh-ins.

abby

Before and After thoughts

2011-11-28T18:46:00.000-08:00

After I had talked to Master this morning and we decided to meet early this afternoon, I started thinking about types of spankings. Way long ago when I first typed in the word "spanking" in a search engine, I was thinking OTK and maybe a hand or brush, and some spanking, resulting in a slightly sore bottom. Boy have I learned a lot!

Today, I was wondering what Master had planned...a welcome home spanking since I had just returned late yesterday....a maintenance spanking since today is Monday and He had decided before I left that MM's were a good idea...I knew it would not be a punishment since I had gained (1 and a half) but was still under my 2 pound limit...hmm...or maybe a surprise. I had my butterflies all fluttering by the time I was knocking on the door.

First...hugs...Master always says never too many hugs, and His hugs are real big bear type hugs. He then showed me what He had accomplished on His remodel project while I was away. Then it was kneeling and naked time, with Master for some "just us" time. Master reclaiming all of me, and me reclaiming my submission. Of course, Master can never resist some nipple play (torture), and I am getting used to it....

M&M day Master proclaimed. Maintenance I asked...that is what Monday's are for, every week, no guessing when or forgetting. He had me lean over the arm of the sofa. I groaned as I felt the cool, hard, smooth surface of a large paddle. (It was a large paddle ball paddle, that I hate.) Maintenance is not supposed to be fun...it is a deterrant to a punishment, He repeated once again. I was having difficulty wrapping my head around...no warm up, not being spanked in over a week, and that darn paddle. He did not start off slowly or easily, and it did not take long efore I was rising a little...He warned me and put His hand on my back. I was strugging, it HURT and I could not get above it.

After a swat, Master told me to thank Him. I hesitated, and He swung harder. I thanked Him, and He continued, waiting for my Thank You Sir. I finally just put my head down and quietly repeated the Thank you without prompting. Good girl, I just saw all the resistence leave your body. You might as well accept your spanking, you can't really resist, and I do know what you need. ( all of which I know, but sometimes it is just so hard). After just a couple more I was allowed up and invited over his lap.

A hand spanking, after a paddling, is like a gentle tap. But I love Master's hands...wherever they choose to spank or roam. It took very little time for Master to inform me I was swollen and wet...(wonder how that happened??) I was soom squirming and panting...Master says he knows
I want to cum, but I should relax and enjoy (HUH??). I try, and I do slow down my breathing and try to slow myself. Master stops and pulls out my large toy and starts it vibrating and thrusting in...just enough to get me right to the edge. He says,,,,6 hard thrusts and you may cum. He starts with one slow hard one, the two..another slow and hard one,
I am not sure I am going to make it to 6. Master lets out a small chuckle and quickly thrusts 4 more times and gets to 6! I am off and flying, and Master keeps me there til I just need to breathe.

As I am still lying over His lap, I ask if maybe I can have a 5 pound leeway instead of just 2. The no comes quickly, He says I have worked too hard, to gain that much back, 2 pounds and I have used 3/4 of it already.
So then I ask if I can cut back to 1 weigh in a week, another quick no. Everthing stays the same. I know He is keeping me from back sliding, and that is a good thing. I just would like more wriggle room, not that wriggle room is usually a good thing for me, but it is nice to have.

I can finally sit up, more hugs and chat, some kneeling and Master tells me how proud He is of me. He knows I only lost this last 10 because he wanted it. Then it is back to the real world time.

On my way home, my thoughts are that I am glad maintenance is over with for this week, and hopefully I can get through this month without going over my 2 pound limit. I am not sure that will happen, but I am sure what will happen if I go beyond the 2 pounds, so I will try. I also realize that I have finally come home, to where I belong, to whom I belong, and it is such a good, safe place. I feel more relaxed, more ready to face this busy month, more like "me".

abby

More catching up....

2011-11-27T18:20:00.001-08:00

I returned from visiting my son, daughter in law, and grandaughter today. It was a fun week. My grandaughter has become a little girl, no longer a baby, thankfully she has a baby sister on the way. But she did keep me very busy, and when she napped, I tried to help her mom out with laundry, and cleaning and baking for the holiday. I put in no blog time, and yes I did miss you all and think about you.

First I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, filled with family, friends and of course, great food. We celebrated on Friday due to the fact that my son is a fireman and daughter in law a NIKU nurse, and had to work the holiday. We had a wonderful meal, looked back on the happy times of the past year, and ahead to more good times.

A big THANK YOU to the three people who nominated me for a VBA award. I apologize, since I have not learned how to link to your blogs from here, that is on my to-do list..."Hidden Slave", "Composing Us", and "An Awakening Dominant", I promise you a link as soon as I get my act together! I will not be nominating from here, I follow many of you, and think you are all great. Anyone who is willing to put themselves out here and share deserves an award. I will list 7 things about myself:

1. I am a frog collector. When I was teaching I would wear something
that had a frog on it every day. My grandkids, have lots of frog
clothing.

2. I always wanted to teach at the primary level. Until one of my
principals convinced me to try Junior High. I loved it...a
challenge and a new beginning every day.

3. I am a "crosswordholic". I complete at least 3 a day.

4. Orange is my favorite color.

5. I always dreamed of creating new jeopardy boards, all with a
theme.

6. I am the oldest of 4 children. The quiet and conservative one.

7. I have never understood why chocolate and ice cream do not have
a larger space on the food pyramid!

That's it for now, I need sleep!

abby

catching up on the week

2011-11-18T19:56:00.000-08:00

I have been meaning to post a couple times this week, but have been trying to get lots of other things done also, and they won out. One of those is my Christmas shopping. When my 3 children were little , I always had a goal of being finished by Thanksgiving...they were all born in December...yes poor planning, or no planning. This year, I decided to try again, and I am almost there!

When Master and I talked on Tuesday, He reminded me that my original target date for my recent diet goal was Thansgiving day, not the end of this week. I had decided to try for that goal, but He would only hold me to the original goal. In a way that was a relief, I still wanted this to be a really good week, but knowing I had more time eased the pressure.

Yesterday, Master was in the mood for nipple play, to be honest I am rarely in that mood. But, I have grown to relax a little and breathe...and even start to squirm. When I walked in Master was proud to show me the new yard stick He had acquired. I tried to show a little sincerety when I said it was such a nice yard stick....you can probably guess how that came off.
So, after my kneeling time, I was over the end of the sofa with the yard stick in His hand. It was very stingy, He tried it from near and from far...still stingy. Not like a large paddle, but I kept thinking a warm-up would really have helped.

Finally He had me go over His lap for a hand spanking. Lately he seems to be adding a warm-up after an initial spanking, but I love His hand so I will take it any time I can get it! He decided to play with my nipples while He was spanking me. He was going from one to the other, pulling tugging, pinching, not extremely hard. His fingers went to check and since I was starting to respond He decided to just play with my nipples. He was being gentle, circling, rubbing, massaging, and I was actually relaxing. Before I knew it, I heard this voice say, harder Sir please! He was only too glad to oblige. I have to admit, I felt that connection between my nipples and my clit, they were talking to each other! Master added a little extra, and I was off to the land of orgasms.

After I had landed and could breathe again, Master decided to give me an assignment for that evening. I was to play with my nipples until I was reading to cum, and only then could I ask for permission. Honestly, I wasn't sure I could do it. I asked, what if I can't, He said you can and you will. Last night, I sat for a long time, thinking about it, and knew I just had to start. I started slowly and gently, and remembering the afternoon , I could feel myself start to get wet and ready. I did stop and text Master for permission and waited. I usually get a quick reply, so I continued, when I had no reply and I was starting to near the point of no return, I decided to stop. No cuming without permission was one of Master's first rules...one that I had difficulty with. It has been a long time since I have crossed that line, and I have no desire to again. I did eventually get a permission, but I was ready for bed, and just replied with a good night.

My weigh in today was a minus 2.3 pounds! Master was very pleased, and although I am not at the goal, I am only about 1/2 pound away. Master had promised a flogging, rope, cuffs...session if I reached my goal, so I figured that was off the table, for now. We did not get our noon time chat in, but mid afternoon I get a text....flogger! Sometimes He is a softy!

Our afternoon, was amazing. Wrist and ankle cuffs, rope, and a blindfold. As I am laying there, I feel wood on my bottom, my head jerks around and Master chuckles and says...not what you were expecting. After lightly using several of His paddles, I feel the swoosh of the leather strands down my whole body. I instantly relax and let out a moan. Master says..guess I finally got it right!

He then stops and says He will be right back. He gets a toy to insert into my pussy and tells to be sure it stays put. Then He gives me what I have been craving. A long, hard, all over flogging. I can just feel all of the tension being pushed out of my body, all my muscles relaxing, my body just going with each swish. As I am floating, there is a short stop, and then I feel Master's whip. I am not surprised, Master loves His whip, and after a flogging, I can adjust to the change in sensation. I finally hear 20 more hard ones. Then He is rubbing and massaging and saying how hot my back is, and how it is so nicely welted. Master moves on to giving me a good hard release or two or three. I could feel all the sensations of the afternoon come crashing down on me and as I came, I also cried. I am always surprised and a little embarrassed when that happens. It takes me a while to get my bearings.

Master always movers right in, holds me, talks softly to me, telling me that is the best compliment I can give Him, my total release, giving up total control. The first time it happened I was scared, it totally takes all of my energy. I finally was able to speak and move. Master untied me and removed the cuffs, but kept the blindfold on. He had me get up and kneel with it on while He continued to speak softly and rub. Finally He removed the blindfold and I felt blinded by the bright light. After more hugs, I told Master I had a small confession to make.

When I ask or get a permission it is supposed to be used. So I told Master I had not used my permission last night. I explained that I did not want to cum without permission, so I had stopped playing with myself, and them it got late and I was tired. He said He was not surprised, whe he got my good nite, right after He sent my pemission. He was pleased that I did not cum without permission, and said I could have the 15 minute rule. It is a rule that I had a few years ago, and lost the privilege. If I don't get a reply in 15 minutes, I may cum. I said it was a dangerous rule. He smiled and said You have come a long way, You can handle it now.

I am flying to Boston tomorrow to see my 2 year old granddaughter and to help my daghter in law. She is pregnant and works overnight in a preemie extensive care unit, and is hosting Thanksgiving. Hopefull she can get more sleep and I can teach my little sweetie how to bake pies! If I don't get a chance to say this later....hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Among the things I am thankful for....your friendship and acceptance.

abby

M & M (s)

2011-11-14T20:04:00.000-08:00

Sorry, my title is not refering to those tempting little hard coated candies filled with chocolate, peanuts, almonds, peanut butter, or at this time of the year peppermint. Can never eat just one. Today was Maintenance Monday...M & M day.

I returned Master's "Beauty" books today. I had a lag between reading the 2nd and last one, due to having to finish a book for my monthly book club. The third one was my least favorite, but am glad I persisted since I liked the ending.

When we started maintenance Master decreed, I was to be the one to mention it each week, and find a time. Since Master views it as a deterrant to punishment, it never made much sense to me to have it happen at the end of the week. But, I often would not mention it til near the end of the week. I was determined this week to mention it today, Monday.

When I arrived at Master's we started with the kneeling "ritual". He reclaims all of me, I relax, and let myself just be. After I crawled over His lap, Master started with a wonderful hand warm-up. I don't always get one, but I always want one! Master commented that He thought it was the first time we had maintenance on a Monday. I replied,,,,M & M day. He chuckled and said He liked that...we should always have an M & M day, so looks like maintenance will be on Mondays.

Master then decided to search my "meager" bag of toys. I don't have many spanking toys in there, the first one He pulled out was a paddle shaped like a frog. ( I am a frog collector). It is light and stingy, so I said that would work. After about 10 swats Master was asking if I was asleep yet. He reached in and pulled out my short strap, but it is difficult to use OTK. I thought that was it, but he found a spatula. I forgot that was in there. Spatulas can have a big sting. But Master was not liking it, so I had to get up and fetch the plastic paddle. He tucked me in , and proceeded to paddle my bottom for too long a time. it was a hard paddling, one designed to last all week. (so maybe having maintenance at the end of the week, has its advantages).

When the paddling part was done, we moved on to more pleasant activities. Master was rubbing and using His talented fingers to get me wet and wanting. We were chatting, and I finally said, You could concentrate on what your fingers are doing. His reply was, "she" is mine as is all of you, I will play with "her" as long as I want. So I continued to try to breathe, and carry on my part of the conversation. Finally, when I was really struggling, Master revved it up, and I finally hear....cum for your Master. I don't have to be told twice, I was off and soaring.

After I was back, we discussed my diet goal. Master started by telling me that maintenance would still be weekly, even if I am not trying to lose. I lost 1/2 pound over the weekend. Not a gain, but I was hoping to get to the goal by Friday. I need to lose 3 more pounds to do that. I was hoping Master would extend the deadline, I have been trying really hard, at least for the past couple weeks. He is sooooooo stubborn. "Just make it happen", I hate those words. If I do lose the 3, I get a break until after the first of the year, and then I get to decide if I want to continue. Master also added today...that a flogging, blindfold, and rope would be in my near future. That is so unfair, I love those!

When I got home I walked the bike path trying to decide if I could do this...lose the 3 pounds. At first I was mostly thinking He's nuts, He's so stubborn, this is too hard. But by the time I got home, I had decided I had to at least really try, it is only 4 days. So I will be exercising twice a day, drinking lots of water, and watching my intake closely. Wish me luck!

abby

Happy weekend all!

2011-11-11T19:51:00.000-08:00

We have had some great weather here this fall. reality wake up call today, rain, sleet, cold and wind....you know what is on its way.

I lost a little over 2 pounds this week, I was excited and Master was very pleased! I am determined to get to this goal by next Friday..that's 3 more pounds. I am leaving for Boston a week from tomorrow to spend Thanksgiving with my 2 year old grandaughter.

When I saw Master this afternoon, I got to stay dressed...well mostly, anyway. That has not happened in a while. After kneeling time, He even started spanking me over pants and panties. He was using a light paddle, so it worked well as a warm up. Of course, eventually, they both came down, but it was a short, light spanking.

Then I went over His lap, for some hand spanking and lots of touching and rubbing. Master was in a talking mood, so we chatted as He continued to ge me very wet. Every now and then He would say...easy...no permission yet. I am pretty proud of the fact that I mostly kept up with my end of the conversation. Eventually tho, I just really needed for the chat to end, and the permissions to be granted. Master obliged me and away I went!

A great start to the weekend, and the weather is supposed to improve..a little!

abby

Thanks all.....and Maintenance day

2011-11-10T18:43:00.000-08:00

First I would like to thank everyone who stopped in and left a comment on this blog for LOL. There is one delurker, I would really like to send a special thank you too...Master! When I started this blog He offered that I could make it private, it could be a place just for me. I thought and decided I did not want that, I wanted Him to read here...it seemed like a good way to open up more communication. He reads here, and often it spurs a discussion, and He is clear, I can write whetever I feel, it is a safe place. He had never commented, but I was so pleased to read His comment this morning, in fact I read it twice, just to be sure I had read it correctly!

Yesterday was maintenance for this week. Master was in the garage when I arrived. He told me to go in and get ready....be naked and kneeling. I could hear Him working on something, so I did as I was told. When He came in, He covered my eyes and spoke quietly, then started claiming all of me. When He got to my breast, He pulled and pinched, but only a little. Then, I could feel just His fingertips touching them, but as he gently rubbed it was like a lightening bolt, He pulled away and repeated and I could feel the sensations going right through me. It was amazing....maybe I am finally able to relax enough during breast play to enjoy it....maybe.

Then Master showed me what He was working on in the garage. He had found an old wodden pizza paddle, and had sawed it to a more manageable size. I gulped, He laughed. It looked mean. I said...for maintenance. He said it is not heavy and had me hold it, it was light. I was then told to get over the back of the sofa. No warm-up and swats coming fast and hard...not as hard as He could swing, but still not a slow start. I was staying in position, but voicing my pain. Master is found of telling me to stop concentrating the stokes as pain on my bottom, and think of them as going to my clit..and go with them. Most of the time , I want to say...you try that. Master stoppped and rubbed, and started again, more lightly and slowly, with more stops for rubbing. Now I was able to stop concentrating on the pain. After a bit master stopped to roam and feel if I was "enjoying" my spanking...I always start to deny it, but He finds proof that I am.

Master continues with His magic hands, and suddenly asks how many more swats I want. I hate that question...most of the time I want to say none, but I know that is not really an option. I answer 10...He says that is how many it will take for you to cum? I don't know..is my reply. I get the 10, and I am on the edge, but not quite there, so being the kind Master He is...I get some help, and am soon asking for permission.

As I come back to Him, we chat a bit. Master reminds me that my submission is not a weight loss program....my submission continues even after I reach my goal. I knew this, but did need to hear it again. Oh and by the way...that pizza paddle, it cracked in half...LOL...I think that is the second spanking instrument to hit the dust while being used on my bottom.

abby

LOL.....(We) Love Our Lurkers!!!

2011-11-09T19:39:00.000-08:00

This is my first "official" LOL day as a blogger. for a long time I was a lurker. Reading, laughing, enjoying, fantasizing, not sure if I should comment or not. I know you are out there. Come on in, share a comment. I have found it is like conversing with an acquaintance, getting to know them better, until you have found a blogging or cyber friend! I went from reading to commenting and then to blogging ( with Master's not so gentle push!)

We are a diverse group. Accepting our differences, diffferent point of views, cheering each other on and sharing some sorrows. I would love a hello from you, if that is all you have to say, or more if you wish! Who knows, next November could be your first LOL day as a blogger!

abby

diets, belts and submission

2011-11-07T19:33:00.000-08:00

I have been sitting here trying to think of a title. The above is the best I could do.

I haven't mentioned that miserable D word is a while..diet. Usually after I reach a goal, I either ask Master to help me reach another goal, or Master will ask if I am willing to try for more. This time I wavered, did not really want to go on, wanted a break. Master enticed me by saying if I lost 10 more by Thanksgiving I could stay the same (plus 2 pound from my goal) until Jan. 1st. Then we would discuss it and I could decide if I wanted to set another goal. This was a few weeks ago, and I agreed. It's been a struggle. I just really want a break. When I said that to Master, He said, we made a deal...You can do this. I asked if I did not reach the goal by Thanksgiving, would the deadline be extended. He replied, yes, but the goal would also be higher. "Not fair", was my instant reply. I do know that "fair", as most people look at it, does not exist in a power exchange relationship. I am half way there. I told Master this afternoon, my heart was not in this, He acknowledged that, and said reach your goal, you get a break. I have always believed that in order to lose weight it has to be for you...you have to really want to. I still believe that, but I guess if you have a Master who really wants you to....that works also.

Part of my problem with this, I think, is that we have been working on this diet for a long time. It has been a part of our dynamic for so long, I am afraid that without it, maybe...Master will consider His "job" done. It scares me, even though I realize it is not logical.

When we met this afternoon, Master treated me to His belt. After my kneeling time, He had me lay over the arm of the sofa. As soon as I started to hear Him taking His belt through the loops I looked up...it's been a while since His belt came into play. He started off lightly and stopped often to rub....oh...I was just beginning to float when the thud changed to a sharp sting. Master had "unlooped" the belt and the single strip was really stingy. I was struggling both with the surprise and the sting. Master quickly said, I don't like this as much and the double, I quickly agreed. I was soon settling in again to the feel of the leather, and the increase in heat. I hear Master say, "Hang on tight", and I know He is going to rev it up. Last 12 were much harder, but I was in my zone by then, and welcomed them.

Master then had me get over His lap for a hand spanking. It occured to me to say to Him this part should come first...His hand can be hard, but after a good "belting", its effect is diminished. After more spanking, rubbing, and some roaming of His fingers, I was told to kneel between His legs. Let's just say, He had other submissive activities in mind.

Then it was my turn. I could feel myself getting wet, and wanting to cum. Master, slowly brought me to the peak, and it was amazing. Master even commented, how are you going to descibe this orgasm on your blog. So I am not even going to try...the word "earthquake" does come to mind. It took me a while to come back to my senses, Master was there holding and rubbing and speaking smoothly to me.

Submission, it covers lots of ground. Losing 5 more pounds when it is the last thing I want to do.....and spending the afternoon pleasing and being pleasured.

abby

a good bye and a welcome back!

2011-11-03T19:47:00.000-07:00

I said good bye to my two little sweethearts. But we had a great time, made lots of memories, and will be seeing them again in a month! On a happier note...Master is back!

I got to welcome Him back in person this afternoon. Foolish me, I had this idea in my head about how it might go...of course Master had a different idea. After a few welcome back hugs, I noticed He was holding a small cane in His hand. We had our re-connecting kneeling time, and Master was very pleased with my control while He mauled, pulled and pinched my breast. Then He told me to get over the end of the sofa...He wanted to add a few stripes to my bottom.

I looked and walked (slowly) over...He told me to relax, it was not punishment. I was thinking, why don't we change places and you can relax..but I only thought it. He did start off lightly, and after a couple sets He stopped to rub. Then I hear, another set of harder ones, luckily, He cannot always read my mind.

I was then told I could go over His lap, for a hand spanking. Now that was more like what I had in mind. He was trying to spank hard enough, to hide the stripes He had just added...how does He think of these things? He then said, He would have to add the stripes again at the end, I looked up at Him, with my " You have to be kidding" look....and He said the look sealed it, more stripes at the end. ARGHH

Master then moved on to rubbing and touching and probing. Just as I was really starting to squirm and get all squishy......

Master then decides since it was Thursday, He should add maintenance to this spanking. My thought had been along the lines, since it was Thursday, maybe we should let it slip this week. I also remarked that His order of how things should happen was a bit off today. He told be to get up and get the paddle He uses for maintenance. It stays on the floor at the end of the sofa. I got up and looked and said I did not see it. "Really ?", He said as He got up....He looked and there it was. Magic! When I was back over His lap, He smacked my bottom a dozen hard ones....for not just picking up the paddle and bringing it over. Then, it was tuck me in, and let the paddle do the talking. Maintenance is meant to be a deterrant, and it hurts!

Master then goes back letting His fingers drive me wild. Just as I was nearing the brink, I hear Master say....repeat....R. is my Master, and I will not cum without His permission...and keep repeating. When I get to the third time, Master focuses in on THAT spot...the one that puts me over the edge...I get the phrase out a third time, but then I want to tell Him to stop, but I don't want Him to stop, I really really want to cum. Not sure what I am saying, but I hear Master ask if I would like to cum for Him....Yes pleaseeee....and it is a wild ride. I used to always be amazed at my orgasms, today was more than amazing... Looking back I find it hard to beleive that all that noise and movement..and...everything else is me. It is the me that Master worked hard to find and let loose...I am so glad He did.

After some cool down and snuggling and hugs, I got up and asked for permission to get dressed. As I walked by the sofa, Master pulled me over the end, and reminded me I had earned a few more stripes....for the "look". There was only one set...more than enough Sir!...and they were fairly light.

It is good to have Him back. I know even when one of us is away, I am still His, and nothing really changes, but it feels different.
Before I left we talked about my weigh in tomorrow and how the diet was going. More on that tomorrow.

abby

Happy Halloween

2011-10-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to post here since Thursday. By the time I sat and thought about it, I was just too pooped. So I am gettng to this earlier tonight, while I can still think and type.

Back to Thursday, Master asked me at noon time, if I was ready for Halloween. I was not. He wanted me to have a school girl uniform. I had gone to a couple thrift stores, found 2, but wayyyyyyy too small. I decided it was the wrong time of year, so I though maybe if I shopped the web, there might be a sale. I started at a well known store, and sure enough they were 1/2 price. I kept looking, and found some that were quite reasonable, but it would take a week to get it. I thought maybe it would come earlier.
It did not.

Master was disappointed at my not being ready, and I got a little "testy" about it. He finally said, just forget it, it was supposed to be fun, not frustrating. I did not want to just forget it. He told me He would see me later.

We hung up and I sat there and cried. Last week was really stressful and emotional for me, on a few levels. After a few minutes I reminded myself that he did not want a specific uniform, just for me to look like a school girl. I could be creative...I could do this. (I went to catholic school for 12 years.) I raided my and my daughter's closet. I found a black wool skirt (short), a white polo, and some stripped pink/grey knee socks. I typed up a note to the principal, saying this was the second time his week I arrived out of uniform....the knee socks.

I headed over to Master's, a little nervous, but hoping He would be pleasantly surprised. When He saw me, He grinned...you did it. I handed Him the note and we were off. It's been a long time since we role played, but it is fun. He had me over His lap, scolding, and then reached back and had the hair brush in His hand. Since this was role play, I get to squirm and try to get free, and say...almost...anything that comes to mind. One of the things that I appreciate most about Master is that I can verbally throw anything His way,,,,and He has a reply.

I eventually realized He was spanking a LOT harder than I remember, for a role play, he also would stop, only to find another reason to continue. My bottom was throbbing when He finally finished. He wondered if I had enjoyed it,,,I replied it was too hard a spanking. As he reached in to test me, He chuckled, not too hard. He continued until I was wet and ready, pulled out, and started using the brush again, not as hard, but hard enough. He wanted me to cum, while He was spanking me. Sometimes I can, but not on Thursday, I was close, but just could not let over that edge. Master finally took pity on me, and stopped spanking, and pushed me over that edge. It was one, very long fall.

After some recovery time, it was kneeling time. Master is away for work this week, He will be back when the job is finished, so no set time. My 3 year old granddaughter and her 4 month old brother arrived on Friday, until Wednesday. We have been on the go to some fun activity every day, with lots more to come. It has been wonderful.

I am going to leave you with some 3 year old wisdom. After finishing a couple craft projects, I asked her to help grandma clean up. She did a great job, I thanked her, and she said, well you always help me grandma. I replied, we help each other. She looked at me and said...."grandma, people helping people, that is what life is about!"

abby

consistency and follow through

2011-10-26T18:36:00.000-07:00

If there ever was an award for most consistent and (almost) always follows through, Master would win. When we first started our journey, Master would threathen a lot of consequences, and after about the third time I figured out they were just threats. Spanking was not consistent, and I was often left wanting more. One day Master had read some blogs and said consistency seems to be very important to submissives. We talked about it, and since then, I know that threats are not just threats, and He is extremely consistent.

Yesterday, after my punishment, Master commented that He hoped when we saw each other on Friday, that it would be for the kind of pain that leads to pleasure, the kind of pleasure that overwhelms me and leaves me asking where did that come from? I asked if we could change that to Thursday instead. My 3 year old granddaughter and her 4 month old brother are coming to grandma's for Halloween! I don't usualy get excited about Halloween, but the house is decorated, and do I have plans. They are arriving Friday morning. Master agreed to Thursday.

This morning I sent Master His good morning message, and He replied...we are running out of time...M this afternoon. I read it 3 times and could not figure out what He meant. A few possibilities, but none of them really made sense. So I asked what he meant. Tomorrow is Thursday and we have not had maintenance, he replied. I should have known, since we started maintenance, 18 months ago, Master has not missed a week.
The word maintenance had not even crossed my mind, my bottom was still sore. But I replied, Yes Sir, I wil text You when I am back home.

This afternoon, Master calls, and asks how my bottom is...still sore, I replied. Is it ready for maintenance?, he asked. I quickly considered several responses, and replied, I don't know how to answer that. It is your call. He chuckled, always my call. He then asked if my bottom felt well maintained....I quickly replied yes. To my surprise...and delight...He said we could forget maintenance today, but when we did get together tomorrow, the spanking would depend on tomorrow's weigh in, and if He was not happy, I would report again on Friday, and we could meet early in the morning.

I know when I am being presented with a golden opportunity...consistency and follow through are important and woderful..but just once in a while an early pardon, a reprieve, is a great surprise!

abby

intense, emotional, and...needed

2011-10-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

My title sums up my afternoon. I sent in a report yesterday that I had gained 1 pound. I knew Master would not be pleased. I had a funeral in the morning, and spent my afternoon at DMV getting a new license, since I had discovered I lost mine.

By this morning, I had allowed my "voices" to invade and take over. I was questioning myself, Master, my submission. I did not send Master my good morning message, nor did I make my lunch time call. I even toyed with going shopping this morning without permission, but I could not bring myself to go that far. Master sent me a text, asking about my day, I barely replied. He said He would see me this afternoon, and instead of my Yes Sir, I replied ok. I was sinking fast.

When I got to Master's He gave me a look....and I melted. I said I owe You an apology as I sat down. He nodded, but said, there is a better place for you to be when you do that. I knelt at His feet, and apologized ...for all of it. Did not offer any excuses, just said I was sorry. Master said I had saved myself a trip to the basement, but I was still going to be punished.

"Run to me, not away from me", He said. He first spoke those words to me many years ago. For a while I could not figure out what He meant, I never physically ran away. But I did have all those walls that I retreated behind, and closed myself off. When I heard those words again, I realized I had just taken a big step into the past....and was even more sorry.

Master had me get up in the seat of an easy chair, and bend over the back so that my bottom was high and presented. Master used a strap, started hard and fast, and ended harder and faster, all over my bottom and some on my thighs. All the while reminding me what an expert scolder He is, telling me He does not fail, so I do not fail. He will do whatever is necessary to get me to the agreed goal, having me get permission before I eat anything, limiting my computer time (EEK!), tying me to a treadmill and paddling me...which has been done when we first started on this journey. I do not know how Master breathes when He scolds, since He never stops for breath. He let it be known that if I had another gain on Friday, the strapping would be doubled, and there would be more restrictions.

I love leather, but being punished by a determined Master is enough to make me re-think that love. My bottom was burning and welted. Master finally asked if I ahd been punished enough... after my Yes Sir, He rached around and started to play and tease and get me wet. When I started panting and wriggling He stopped. No permission to cum, this afternoon and tonite, maybe tomorrow, maybe longer. He sat down and I got up and went back to kneel by His feet. He smiled and said "good girl", my world was being put right again.

Master then reminded me that our agreement is I get to minus 70 by Thanksgiving, He is holding me to it, and I just made it more difficult. My food and exercise choices need to get better, and less of one and more of the other. He reminded me that once the goal is reach, we take a break and I get to decide if I want to continue.

He then told me to get closer and lay my head in His lap. As He was rubbing my back and my head, the tears finally came. MY walls were crumbling a little more. When I first met Master, I was just looking for a spanking or two. In fact, I was pretty convinced that every spanking would be my last, He would get smart and find someone younger, prettier, and definately sexier. He would tell me He wasn't going anyplace, I would nod, and think for now. When we started down the M/s road, I was a little more sure of "Us", but in the back of my mind always wondered if when the day came that I said I am happy with my weight, no more dieting, would He say fine, my job is done, good-bye.

Master has always reassured me that He is not going anyplace, that He has found what He was looking for. It has been almost 9 years now, and my trust has grown to a place I never imagined. Today, Master thanked me for giving Him the gift of "me", a gift He treasures and would never throw away or not cherish. I think He finally got through to me.

So, as I sit here on a sore bottom and thighs, I am content, I am at peace, I am His....His submissive, I am so lucky!

abby

tasks

2011-10-22T18:37:00.000-07:00

Master is away for the weekend, so I am left to my own devices. Master will get a laugh out of that sentence, He claims I am never left to my own devices. We spent some of Thursday afternoon, spanking and cuming and chatting....lol..it was not so very long ago I never thought I would ever write such a sentence!

I sense that Master is starting to push me a little. I have been feelig very comfortable and content with where we are now, and I think He takes take as a green light. I feel I am ready for more also, so we will see, He has started in little ways.

He has started to give me more tasks. He wants me to find a school girl skirt, I did hit a thrift store on Friday, but I think it is the wrong time of the year. He also told me to find 2 passages, that I enjoyed, from book 2 of the "Beauty" series this weekend, and send them to Him.

The teacher in me took over, and I started wondering, passages..sentences or paragraphs, did He want ones that were Hot or of significance for some reason, did he want me to elaborate. Finally I got a hold of myself and said, just find 2 you found interesting. I enjoyed that second book, so there was no lack of passages. I have not started the third book yet, been catching up the book for my book club.

I went to see "Dracula" with a friend earlier this evening, at a local theater group. I usually really enjoy their productions, but tonite for the whole last hour I just kept thinking, kill him already! The acting was good, and the stage sets great, but it was too long for my taste.

Hope you are all enjoying the weekend

abby

panty hose, reading and buckets

2011-10-18T18:45:00.000-07:00

When master and I talked this morning, it was decided that maintenance would be this afternoon. He wasn't sure what time He would be free, but said He would text me.

I get a text....15 minutes, wear a skirt and panty hose. I read it twice, laughed sent back a yes Sir. I don't usually dress-up for Master since for the most part, my clothes come off as soon as I walk in. Then I thought...panty hose?????...who wears panty hose any more?? I do maybe once a year for something very special, and then I go out and buy a pair. I did not even know if I had a pair in my sock drawer. The clock was ticking so I went and found a skirt, and actually found a pair of panty hose in that drawer.

I walked in and Master smiled. I told Him panty hose almost did me in. He said he was very pleased with my quick yes Sir, with no arguments or excuses. Kneeling time with the skirt and panty hose still on. Then over His lap. He was surprised that I also had my panties on...3 layers. He started to spank with His hand and we were soon both giggling, His hand can be very hard, but 3 layers...So I had to pull off the panties but put the panty hose back on.

He proceeded with a nice hand warm up, checking to see if my bottom was warming up, it was, but barely. So out came the paddle, and although it was still very stingy, it was not as bad as it usually is. He would padddle, rub, reach in and see if my bottom was heating up. I was heating up, but He wasn't checking there.

Finally Master said...maintenance time. Tucked me in, and starting in harder and much faster. Yes, even over the panty hose, maintenance hurts! This time when Master reached in to rub my bottom it was hot. His fingers roamed to the front and kept rubbing and poking. It was not nearly enough, and I was releaved to hear Him ask if I wanted the panty hose to come down. Did I ever! I was soon whimpering and asking for permissions.

Master then pulled tha panty hose back up, and told me I was to wear them until this evening....when I was to ask for permission to cum and take them off. (that has already happened). Master then said maybe a school girl's skirt should come next, I was to look for one in the thrift shops. When we first met, we did did quite a bit of role playing...we both enjoyed it and it was a way of getting to know each other, and of introducing me to some of His toys. So I am thinking this could be fun, my deadline is Halloween...guess what my costume will be??

I have just finished reading the second book in Anne Rice's "Beauty" series. I enjoyed the first one, stayed in today to finsih the second one, which I really enjoyed. I will start on the third one in a few days, Master said it was "out there"...I have never read the third one.

Buckets...as in a bucket list. I have read that some of you have spanking bucket lists. I have a short life bucket list, and I thought it would be fun to create a spanking bucket list. I have been trying to come up with 10 items, or activities, things that are not wishes that need magic to accompish, but things that are doable. I am either pretty unimaginative or Master has been good at using a wide variety of activities..but so far I am far from listing 10 things. I will continue to think on it, and when I come up with my list will share. Any ideas to help me along??

abby

A wonderful way to spend a rainy afternoon!

2011-10-14T18:35:00.000-07:00

I have been struggling with my diet lately. I lost a pound this week, cutting out most carbs, but when I reported the loss to Master I also said, I wasn't sure it was worth the struggle. He said He would decide that, and that we would have time this afternoon. By noontime it was pouring...it was to be a rainy afternoon.

We started as we always do, with my kneeling and Master pulling my hair, playing with my nipples, rubbing and reclaiming my body...me. He then asked me how many pounds I have lost since we started, 61. He then asked if could lose 9 more pounds before Thanksgiving. I replied, a pound a week, probably. So Master, made me a deal.....I lose 9 more pounds by or before Thanksgiving and I can maintain, plus or minus 2 pounds until the beginning of the year. In January we will discuss if I want to start again, or if I am happy with where I am, and He will let me decide. I was surprised with Master's offer, and I accepted it, I need to know there is a break soon, and knowing that Master will not allow me to gain the weight back is comforting.

With that settled, I was over Master's lap. He started with a wonderfully long hand spanking. He then sent me to get my toy bag ( a new rule is that I bring it everytime I see Master). It is not a large bag, I have a small variety of items. When I was back over His lap, I could hear him rummaging through the bag. I started to get a little nervous, as there are "toys" in there we have not used in a while.

Sure enough, Master had chosen one of my bottom toys...thankfully the smaller one. As soon as He started to insert it, I kept telling myself...relax. I managed to relax and Master went back to hand spanking me with stops to play with the toy. He then went back to my bag and was using a small leather strap. Since I was still OTK, He was not getting a lot of leverage, and it felt great...just stingy enough. He then chuckled as He pulled out my frog paddle..I am a frog collector...so of course I would have a frog paddle, It is light and as Master continued to use it with stops to play, I could feel myself start to get wetter and want more, offering Master my bottom.

Master pulled out the toy, and found the larger one in my bag. I was ready, and fairly relaxed, and with only a tiny struggle it popped in, and Master went back to spanking and playing. I have never really enjoyed this type of play, but this was definately a step in that direction.

Master then decided I should have both holes full, which was also a new sensation. It did not take long for me to be moaning and begging for permission. A few permissions later, I was unable to move or even moan. Master gently lead me back to earth, with wonderful after care.

When I got back home, I wa so relaxed, content and at peace, I decided to just enjoy the rest of the day. I put on some of my favorite music, did some reading...book and blogs, and just enjoyed the afterglow and the memory of what fun a rainy afternoon can be!

abby

maintenance, punishment and permissions!

2011-10-11T19:09:00.000-07:00

Master and I had plans for yesterday. I asked if we could move maintenance spankings to the beginning of the week, thinking it would be more of a motivator. Just as I was leaving I got a call, canceled until Tuesday. He was disappointed as I was, and part of our conversation went like this..

M...I will be seeing you tomorrow, and we will have Maintenance.
me...I don't think so , I have book club tomorrow
M...(repeating), I will be seeing you tomorrow
me...(repeating), I have book club tomorrow
M...maybe you will be at book club with a sore bottom
me... guess we will see...

I will admit, after we hung up I thought, hmmm, maybe I was a little too "cheeky". Master never...at least so far...says no to a request for a planned club meeting or social event....so I did not think, He would not allow book club.

Today, Master and I met at lunch time. We started with the usual kneeling time, only as He was tugging, pulling and pinching my breasts, He was also pulling my hair, hard. It did take my mind off my breasts, and quickly put me in a very submissive place.

Then it was over His lap. We started with a hand warm-up. Yummy! A little rubbing, some all over spanking, and I was relaxed. He asked if it was enough of a warm-up...and although it never really is....I said it was. I felt the cool wood of a light paddle and took a deep breath. Master was paddling at a steady rate, and heating up my bottom, but I also recoginized it was not the hardest paddling. I crossed my ankles, and Master said to open them, than later crossed them again. He pulled them apart, I apologized and said it was instinct. He said, partly, but it is also not being totally open to me, do not cross them. They ( notice I am blaming my feet), did cross once more, but I quickly spread them on my own. One more thing for me to think about when I am trying to breathe.

Master stopped, and I am thinking, this was a pretty good maintenance.
Then, as the paddle is circling my bottom, He asks....what did you think of out last phone chat? Ut Oh....this might not be good. I ask,,,yesterday's? He says yes, that was the last time. I am stalling, trying to think of a good answer....one that might not set that paddle going again.

I say it was not my best submissive self. He asks why...what did I do that I should not. The respect word comes up, and I am always disappointed in myself when He feels I have been disrespectful...and He is right. He reminds me He does not allow even a little bit of disrespect.

Maintenance will now move on to punishment. The paddle is really flying, and much harder. I am hanging on to my pillow, and determined to stay in place, and accept this punishment. It seems to go on forever, my bottom is on fire. I finally shout out...I am sorry Sir. He says that's a start, and has me tell Him what I am sorry for, and why...and how I will change that behaviour...all the time still really swinging that paddle. finally I hear...Count them!...I hate counting...One Sir, and He is now swinging even harder....I decide to count quickly, and I manage to get to 10...with of course the last one being harder still. He stops, I am trying to catch my breath...

I am sent to fetch the toy that He bought for me, the one that I always insist is too big...and He chuckles. I am ready and soon I am close to needing permission, it is granted and I am off. After a bit, I try to calm, but Master is still navigating the toy, and now has started using the paddle at the same time. I ask for another permission, and even after, I seem to be full of "smalled tremors" as Master put it.

On the diet front, I lost 1/2 pound over the weekend. I was getting discouraged, and wondering if maybe I needed a break. Master....who I swear can read my mind suggested a no carb week. Actually He said, no carbs this week. I am a carboholic, especially at breakfast and lunch. Since the weather has been great, I have been walking a near by bike path, even on the weekend. We discussed how the no carb was going, and I think pretty well. I have a breakfst, a lunch and a dinner out this week, each with a different group of friends, so we will see. I really want a good number on Friday, so hopefully I will make wise choices.

Our amazing weather is about to come to an end...but it has been great!

abby

Now that is my idea of maintenance!

2011-10-07T18:23:00.000-07:00

Master and I have different ideas on the definition of maintenance spankings. Most weeks, you can guess who's definition is used...Master's...maintenance is a deterrant, and therefore should be remembered and leave me not wanting to chance a harder spanking.

My definition is more of a reconnection, fun time spanking. This past week Thursday was maintenance day. After our kneeling reclaiming time, Master sat and told me to go over His lap....YEAH! Master started with a wonderful hand warm up...YEAH YEAH! The feel of His hand is the best, I know I can relax and let myself go. He continued with His hand, the spanks getting harder and more deliberate...and I was sooo getting into it...His hand can be hard, but I was eagerly waiting each next spank.

Finally His fingers started to roam...YEAH YEAH YEAH!. I had not been permitted to cum all week, until I had loss the 2 pounds I had gained the week before...I reported that loss on that very morning of maintenance. Master almost immediately chuckled, saying I knew you would be soooo ready for me. He had barely touched me and I was whimpering and trying to urge Him on to more...silently, of course. He kept reminding me that I did not have permission yet, to slow down...but oh my!

Master then asked me if I really wanted to cum...he can be such a comedian. "yes, Sir", I panted out. Then He asked do you want to a lot?? Without thinking, I relied....Yes, Yes.

I was off...and off...and off...When I started to say no more...Master reminded me I had said I wanted a lot! He did not let up, until I was totally spent and exhausted. Master said, I guess over a week is too long...I just moaned. That man, My Master, can get reactions out of me I never would have thought possible, and...enjoy himself at the same time.

It is going to be a beautiful weekend here...hope the great weather is where you are also....

abby

THANK YOU

2011-10-04T18:53:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post to say THANK YOU to Jazmine and Bonnie for their help in solving my posting problem! I would give a link to their blogs, but of course I do not know how to! Blogging friends are the best!
abby

ARGHHH HELP!!

2011-10-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

Anyone have any ideas...I cannot post of others blogs, or even post a reply on my. I am signed in, abt no matter what I try my posts do not get through, and it is not that they have to be apporved...the message just POOFS..disappears. I have been able to post on a couple blogs, but tonight I cannot even post a reply on my own???? thanks abby

A welcome....then a caning

2011-09-30T18:38:00.000-07:00

First let me say I spent a good part of today reading blogs....only my comments all seemed to disappear before my eyes. I did get a couple of comments to actually post, but mostly when I hit publish..a blank box. I tried several ideas, of course none worked. But I loved reading what you all have been up to.

Master and I finally both managed to be back home and had our welcome home yesterday. Hugging, kneeling time, a wonderful hand spanking...which really stung....and permissions to cum! The perfect welcome!

While we were together Master asked what I thought would happen when I weighed in today. I replied I have no idea. He looked at me, and then asked if I had used the wii since I have been back.....I had not. I commented He sould cut my some slack....He replied... I should be trying harder.

Today, my weigh-in was a plus 2. I promised to do better and He said OK.
HMMM...how do I interpret that? During our noon time conversation, He said we would have a "meeting of the minds" this afternoon....I know how to interpret that....my bottom will be sore.

When I walked in He was holding a small cane. Two pounds?? If you had gained 1, or maybe if you had used your wii this week, this might just be a maintenance or reminder.....it is a punishment. Was I surprised no....a little disappointed, but I know Master has expectations, and I also knew I had not met them.

I was told to be naked and kneeling. He massaged a little, covered my eyes and helped me to relax..a little. He was not really scolding, but He was telling me that He expected better. He knows that some of what He expects from me is not easy, but He does expect me to try my best. I had to admit I had not done that.

I was told to get over the arm of the sofa, one of my least favorite spots. He started right in, 10 on each cheek. Even with a hand warm up and Master being in a playful mood, the cane hurts...as a punishment..it HURTS!
He wasn't talking much, we both knew why this was happening. I was busy just trying to stay in position and breathe. Another round of 20...after which I said, please, no more. Of course the reply was that is my decision, maybe if your bottom is too sore, your would prefer I continue here (thighs), or here (shins), or here (back), or I could have you turn over and use your front...it is all mine. By this time my voice was a whisper, and I agreed it all belonged to Him. He proceeded with another set of 20, and I was ouching and owing very loudly. Master was encouraging to let the tears flow, but I have never cried that during any spanking. I think I fear if I let myself start, I would lose all control....I know as if I have any control in the first place.

Finally Master announced 10 more....harder ones. I took a deep breath and told myself I can do this. I knew the last one would be the lardest of all, and then I could really breathe. Master told me to spread my legs wide, and He started probing and rubbing, and getting me all wet and panting. Then, He stopped, naughty girls do not get to cum...they get no pleasure, but Master's still do.

Finally I had permission to stand, and Master put His arms out for a big, long hug. I finally let the tears come, while Master spoke quietly to me, letting me know all was forgiven, I had earned that clean slate, we were good.

Master has let me borrow His Anne Rice, Beauty series...I started re-reading them last night. It has been a long time since I read them, I think before I met Master, and I do not remember reading the third one. I had to stop and text Master and ask for permission after I had read the first couple chapters. This afternoon, Master told me, not to bother to ask for more permissions when reading ..or otherwise..until I had loss those 2 pounds. I said I can't even ask...and hope. No, until those 2 pounds are gone, I cannot even ask. I have not picked up the book this evenig, and think I will put it aside for a couple days...no sense torturing myself!

Have a good weekend, it is going to be a very soggy one here.
abby

Jumping to conclusions

2011-09-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

I am back, filled with funny moments and wonderful family memories. I had the opportunity to see all 3 of my "grands" and we had a wonderful family Christening on Sunday. My trip to Atlantic City was lots of fun.....and I even left with more money than I arrived with....YAHOO!!

I actually started an entry with this title while I was away. I have a new notebook computer, but after the second time it seemed to just eat my attempt I gave up...guess I should have read that intruction book.

About a month or so ago Master and I were having a "chat" about an issue that I referred to as a "bump in the road". Master finally said I needed to stop jumping to conclusions and ask Him for answers or clarifications. I am lucky, I know I can always ask Master to talk things out, or if I think He has misunderstood a situation. Our chats do not necessarily change His mind or even make Him reconsider, but I always feel better with His decision after we have talked it out. I do realize that is not very submissive, but as long as I ask respectfully and calmly Master has always agreed to hear me out.

I did not think I jumped to conclusions, I always thought I looked at all the facts and came to a well thought out decision. The night before I left on my recent trip, I found myself in bed with my brain popping. Master and I had not had a chance to see each other before I left, I was supposed to be assinged a task, it had not happened. So, I lay in bed jumping to conclusions, I had a restless tossy turny night, and woke up to get ready for an early flight still tired.

I got to the airport, and through security to find that my flight was delayed. As I sat and thought about the night before and Master, I suddenly remembered the jumping to conclusions admonition. That was exactly what I had done. So, I sent Master a text, admitting it and apologizing, wishing Him a good week.

Master called me after He got the text. After we chatted for a bit, He volunteered to come to the airport to give me my good bye hug and to drop off the Anne Rice books. Honestly I was stunned, I know Saturdays are very busy for Him, and it was the last ting I expected. He told me to check the security check-in line first to see how long it was, since I would have to get through it again. It turns out the line was very long, so I did not get to see Master.

This was definately one of those cases where the thought is what counted. I thought about Master's generous offer the whole time I was gone, and hopefully the next time I start to jump to conclusions I will remember His offer.

As it turns out, Master and I probably passed each other on the thruway today. He had to leave town, just as I was returning, so no welcome home hug yet. But, I am NOT jumping to any conclusions, I am looking forward to an extra big hug in a couple of days.

abby

destination...NJ

2011-09-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

I am almost all packed for my next time away. I am flying to NJ in the morning curtisy of my son-in-law. My new grandson is being christened a week from Sunday and I volunteered to come and help. My son-in-law enticed me with a side trip to Atlantic City as a thank-you for my past babysitting. I said I did not need thanks, but he seemed so disappointed...so I get to go to Atlantic City also!

Master was supposed to give some assignments for this trip, to help keep me centered. He either forgot or has been too busy...so I get to just have fun bing a grandma....and gambling!

I should be gone about 10 days...
Happy spanks to all!
abby

At His feet

2011-09-14T18:45:00.000-07:00

Master told me He has been busy trimming limbs in His back yard. Today, I saw...huge tree stumps and big chunks of trees. I laughed, only Master would consider that limb trimming. No wonder He looked tired today.

Our time together started, as always, with kneeling and claiming time. Then, to my surprise, instead of helping me up, I was told to put my head down, and bottom up. This was a new position, new on the floor anyway, not on a bed. To my credit...instead of thinking what??, I immediately got into the new position. Master has told me, don't stop and think, then act on what I tell you to do, act, then think.

Master told me to uncross my ankles, which I did. Then I felt Master's flogger, that wonderful large leather flogger that I love! He started slowly and increased speed and intensity. When Master traveled to my bottom and thighs the pain seemed more intense than usual.

Master then used a vaariety of the toys in His bag, starting with the leather ones. Then I found myself between Master's legs and He was squeezing me, as if to keep me from moving...I thought uhoh... Sure enough it was wood time. He was concentrating on my sit spots and bottom, and it seemed intense. I crossed my ankles, and immediately felt my thighs get a couple hard swats, Master telling me to uncross them...they stayed uncrossed. After a few more rounds I was allowed up.

Master said He felt like using His toys, and I was His plaything. It actually made me smile.

I was then invited over His lap, to feel the wonder of His hand. He was spanking, and touching, and rubbing, and suddenly asked me if I wanted maitenance to be today or tomorrow. I know He was being kind, since I am supposed to make the arrangement for maintenance and He was opening the door for me. I did not want Him to stop what He was doing, but I also knew that tomorrow I had plans for a day outlet mall shopping trip. (Yes, master had already given me permission.)

So I said, neither...He chuckled. So you want to be in big trouble on Friday, He asked. So I chose today, and He stopped just as I was working up a good pant. He took out the Winnie the Pooh paddle..sounds harmless, it isn't..any Winnie fans out there are welcomed to it.

He did go lightly at first and built up slowly. Then I heard the last 12, hard ones. Then Master went back to working me into a pant, some moans, and lots of noises...and releases.

As I was thinking about this afternoon, I realized that I needed to be at Master's feet this afternoon, I needed to feel like His play thing, I needed to be reminded of my submissiveness. Once again, He gave me everything I needed...and even some of what I wanted.

abby

Monday's news

2011-09-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

Hope you all had a good day. It was sunny and coolish here..almost perfect! I spent most of the afternoon cleaning out closets. I know does not sound too exciting, but I view it as a treasure hunt, and even found a couple forgotten items!

I have not reported on my diet in a while. When I weighed in last Tuesday, after being away for 3 weeks, I had gained 3 pounds. I was not looking forward to having that discussion with Master, but He surprised me. He said considering the time away and the stress I was under, that was not too bad, as long as I got right back to the wii and my food reporting, which I have. I actually lost almost 2 1/2 pounds last week...amazing what no ice cream snacking will do! I stayed the same over the weekend, but that is acceptable, I just have to report a loss on Friday.

When I retired from teaching, one of the things I got to cross off my 'bucket list' was joining a book club. Last week I told Master I was going to spend most of the day reading to get ready for my book club. He asked if it was a good book...about a crochety old woman, so far. He asked if I was interested in more "interesting" reading. That got my curiosity up, Master never seemed like much of a reader. He asked if I had ever read the "Sleeping Beauty" series, He thought they were a great fantasy read. I had read them, even before I met Master...seems like a lifetime ago.

This morning I was told to search and see if I could find the books. (hence my real incentive for cleaning out closets..) I did not find them, He said He would lend me His...I am more than a little surprised that He has the set and has kept them.

I think this is a huge clue as to the assignments I will have while I am away next week. I have been trying to figure out what He has in mind.
I always love the anticipation of something new being added, at least until I find out what it is...LOL.

Have a good week everyone!

abby

Master's version vs. my version

2011-09-08T18:43:00.000-07:00

Today was maintenance day for this week. At the end when Master said He would be looking for my blog entry, He mentioned His summary for today...
extended kneeling time...hard paddling...hard fu******! That was His summary. I must say it is accurate, but a little lacking in details.

Maintenance...when I used to dream of maintenance it was of a weekly reconnecting, playful time with leather and rubbing and.....Master's view of maintenance is as a deterrant to punishment, therefore it needs to be a reminder of what will come if I find myself headed to His dreaded basement. Translated...it needs to be felt, and hurt, and make me want to avoid anything that would hurt more. It has worked that way, but I so wish I could convert Him to my idea of maintenance.

Maintenance today started with extended kneeling time for me. Master was working on a remodel project and needed a bit more time...I thought standing around and chatting with Him, was a good idea. But I was told to go undress, kneel, and start focusing. He asked me once if I was keeping good posture...I was. Not sure how long I was kneeling there, but longer than I have kneeled in a while.

Suddenly I feel Master's hands covering my eyes and starting his descent down my body. He always stop at my nipples, to tug, pull and pinch, since that is a sensitive spot for me. Master then helps me get up, and reminds me that maintenance is a deterrant, so it needs to be felt. He tells me to get over the end of the sofa, bottom high, feet off the floor. One of my least favorite positions, feet off the floor always makes it much harder to me to stay in position.

I look up and see Him holding the plastic paddle. This is my first maintenance spanking in over 3 weeks, that paddle HURTS, I am dreading it.
He starts right in, no warm up, going from cheek to cheek. I manage to not stand up, but my legs are kicking up, and Master is putting them back in place reminding me to keep them there. I am struggling almost from the beginning, I am trying to go with the pain, but it seems like it is too much. I start voicing that it hurts, it is too much...

Master stops and leans into my ear and starts to talk slowly and calmly to me. He knows its been 3 weeks and my bottom is feeling it more than usual, but that is maintenance. He wants to avoid punishments, He knows I can do this, reminding me again why we do this type of spanking.

Once I am calmer, He stands and says 12 more on each cheek. Usually knowing how many really helps me to get though the harder spankings, I can say one less..only 11 more...I was a little calmer, but still having trouble keeping still. Finally we were down to 3 more on each cheek and I finally managed to keep myself still.

Master was rubbing, and telling me that I was out of condition, but that He was not spanking as hard as a punishment. Then He asked if I had brought my toys. On Tuesday, Master had said He wanted me to bring my toys along from now on. Master has a large wonderful toy bag, mine is limited, a frog paddle (I collect frogs), a short strap,a blindfold, and some "personal" toys. I said they were in a black bag by the door. Master asked if I was hoping He would forget. I said I almost left them in the car...He chuckled and said....would have been interesting to see you hustle out there and get them. I know better than to challenge Him, so I simply said, I will not forget them.

Master pulled out my newest toy, a gift from Him, a large vibrator/dildo. I argued when we were shopping that a smaller one would be better, but.....So while He is getting me very hot and ready and wet, He wants me to suck on it..."mouth training". After a bit, Master takes it, and uses it to make me cum. Yes, more than once, maybe 3 or 4...who can count at a time like that? Finally I say no more please, and this time He listens and stops, pulls me over to him, so I can snuggle into His chest.
We snuggle for a long time, chatting quietly, just enjoying the haze we are in.

This was more than the every week maintenance, not the maintenance I used to dream of, but in some ways....way better!

abby

What a welcome back!

2011-09-06T19:30:00.000-07:00

I just re-read yesterday's post...guess I should not try to write while exhausted...sorry about all the typos.

His text this morning was be ready to serve Your Master...I was so ready!
I had a wonderful welcome back to where I truly belong, with Master.

We started with several long hugs....Master always says one can never have too many hugs, and backs it up. I think we both just needed to feel each other and hold each other once again. We then took time to chat and get caught up on the past 3 weeks.

Soon, I was kneeling and being "claimed", being still, hands behind my back, eyes closed, just feeling Masters' hands all over me. Rubbing, pulling, tucking, making sure I felt that all of me was His.

Master then pulled out, this long, fairly thick paint stick. I had not seen that one before, and was a little apprehensive. It had been over three weeks, and Master kindly started out with a very long hand warm-up. He even started out slowly and lightly, and built up the pace and intensity. I love being spanked by Master's hands, He has a wonderful toy bag, but His hands are my favorite spanking implement.

He spanked me for a long time, stopping to rub frequently. Each set was a little harder, a little longer, leading me to the path of total relaxation and acceptance, and not wanting Him to stop. He was spanking all over, the sides of my bottom, my thighs, inner thighs, and my pussy, it all felt sooo good, soo hot.

I had forgotten about that paint stick, til I felt the sting. It replaced Master's hand, repeating the same path, bottom, sides, thighs, and pussy. By then I was really squirming and really just wanted a release, a permission. I told Master I was going to burst, He said...not yet, but soon.

He went back to His hand, but all I could think about was the throbbing inside of me. Finally, He is saying, you are very wet and swollen. Several rather sarcastic repsonses crossed my mind, but I wanted that release, so I just asked for permission. "Cum for your Master"...finally! I did, over and over, I was loud and wanton and breathless, it was amazing. Master remarked He had really released the tigress within me ...guess I was also growling. I was finally just laying there, totally spent trying to keep breathing, feeling Master's hands once again, gently rubbing and tapping, helping me back to earth.

I then got to snuggle into Master's fur...I love His furry chest. We talked quietly, and just enjoyed some quiet time. I brought up my grandson's christening in a few weeks, another trip, for me. Master wanted me to make it an overnight, but I was able to get permission for a week......but....Master said there will be tasks and asignments to be completed while I am away. That is something new, He said He would put on His thinking cap, and let me know what He decides....I am intrigued, as this is something new. I think it will help me to feel our connection and stay focused, but also a little apprehensive, something new is....well new and unknown. I will keep you all posted.

We ended as we started, kneeling time and hugs. I am still enjoying the afterglow. This seemed like one of those extra-special times and connections. It is truly good to be back where I belong.

abby

life happens.......

2011-09-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

I have finally returned from my 10 day time away. My return date was supposed to be the 24th of August. The week before that was wonderful. My children, my 3 'grands', my mom and even my siblings mamaged time together. We spent mornings on the beach, ate lots of fresh sea food, and had a wonderful 2nd birthday celebration.

Then, the Monday before I was to head back home, my mom was hospitalized. She ended up having a heart valve replace, it went well and she is home doing better than we expected. I also survived the hurricane, with only downed tree in the road and no power for a day.

I cannot really complain, I got to spend time with all my family, had a ball with my 2 granddaughters, my mom is home and healing, and I am finally back to Master.

I am so far behind in all of your blogs and what has been happening, think I will just start with today...or tomorrow more likely. Time to unpakc, pay bills, do laundry, etc...

abby

endless orgasms.....(Master chose this title)

2011-08-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

In all fairness...for all of you who are reading just to get the orgasms part, I did not just lay around and cum all day. The orgasm part is a small part of this. This is actually one of those entries that jumps around on a few topics.

I got a call from Master this afternoon asking for my help. One of His projects is putting a new transmission in a car. I said I would be glad to help, but on my way over I was thinking, I know nothing about cars, I can't even drive a standard. But Master had an easy "task" for me, just switching gears, so I was able to help Him out. While we were working on the car, I mentioned that my bottom was still tender from yesterday, kind of a hint that maybe my bottom needed a break. He replied I am sure it is still tender.

One of the many things that has surprised me about Master is how He seems to be able to read my thoughts. He has said to me...I heard you thinking that...(insert my thoughts)...way over from here...and whatever he thinks He heard, is usually what I was thinking. Yes, it is more than a little discerning. For the past few weeks I have been thinking that I need...want...am ready...for more control...for a deeper submission. And although I always advise all of you to talk out your needs/wants with your HOH or Doms, I did not follow my own advice. I felt it might be like "topping from the bottom", and Master has been so darn busy lately, I have held back.

This morning when I was discussing my plans for today with Master, He added more control to my "planning". He actually thought it was something I was doing, but I honestly did not think it was something He expected. Anyway, I now know, and it has been added...Master has grabbed a little more control, without my even having to ask.

When we went in the house for Master to clean up, He told me to get my kneeling pillow.

While I was kneeling for Master, He mentioned my going away. I am leaving tomorrow, and that He expected me to not push Him and my submission way to the back of my head....to not return having taken a "break" from us, which has happened in the past. In order to help me remember He was going to give me a hard paddling. I groaned, my bottom was still tender, and it was not what I expected.

He sat and as I went to get over His lap when I saw that darn lexan slat, I know how much that stings. He started right in, I was struggling, it really stung. After about 20, I said it was enough, Master did stop to rub a bit, but also informed me that he was just beginning, this was meant to be a paddling I would remember while I was away. I think He did 4 sets of 25, each set a little harder. I was ouching and owing very loudly, and squirming, but we got to the end.

Master then checked to see if all that squirming and ouching was real, or if I had enjoyed it a bit. I really did not, but unfortunately there is a part of me, that always contradicts me. Master chuckled as He felt for my wetness. He did ask if I had any orgasms left in me after yesterday. I waited a minute and replied....I think that for Him, my supply is endless...hence the title. Master then reminded me...which He loves to do...that when we were first beginning our journey, I was certain that orgasms were meant for me...for a few reasons. He proved me wrong, then for a long time, I would plead that 1 was enough, I could not have or take anymore. Well, if you have been reading here, you all know how wrong I was there also, and yes I did have a few more leftover for today.

Master then gave me a few extra "rules" for my trip. When we first dicussed it, I said I would be gone for 10 days. That has been expanded by a few days, and Master was not all that thrilled. I need to be back on the 24th in time for Him to spank me, or I will get 100 with His large paddle the next day. I cried fowl and not fair, and things come up, driving is unpredictable, etc.......all to no avail. If I decided to stay a couple extra days,it is 100 per day. No matter how unfair I judged this to be, I was not changing His mind. I also am to cum for Him every day while I am gone....to me this is a big deal. It will be busy and crowded, so I guess I will be taking long showers... I am also to continue with all of the other expected tasks. I know all of this is to help me, but as I sit here it seems like a lot.

I am off tomorrow to Boston and Maine. My children will all be there and my 3 little grand children. We will be introducing my mom to her newest great-grand son, and celebrating a second birthday. It will be crazy busy and crowded, so much fun, and such a blessing. I will try to check up on all of you, but will not be posting, or commenting. My computer time will be very limited...have fun, be good, or at least try, and have a spanking good 10 days!

abby

baseball bets are paid off...

2011-08-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, Master and I met to settle up our recent bets on the Yanks/Red Sox series.

Master had the cuffs ready...I love those cuffs, they are lined with a soft fur, and make a great accessory...He has a wrist and an ankle set. Just having Him put them on me, and I feel my submission wash over me.
Then I was tied on my tummy to the bed. Being tied actually gives me the freedon to relax more, I don't have to worry about moving or concentrate on anything, but the sensations Master is creating.

Master's winning bet was that He would stripe me..with His cane. Without warm-up, He started right in on my bottom. He did stop after each short set, to rub and massage some of the sting away. After several sets He moved to my thighs, just because He can, reminding me that all of me is His. Then on to my back, this was a bit of a surprise...He started off horizontally across my back, then remembered that His Yanks wore straight up and down stipes, so went back over everything so I could have Yankee stripes. He was quiet pleased with Himself. All during this time Master had my new toy vibrating in me, warning me that I had better not let it slip out.

Then my turn, blindfolded and waiting to feel the relaxing sensation of my "wheelie" toy all over. He started out tracing my stripes with it, and then went on to other places. He had also turned up my vibrator a level, so my attention was somewhat divided between 2 sensations. After a break for more rubbing and some more massaging, He continued to "outline" other parts of my body. The blindfold, being tied, the vibrator, the feel of the prickly toy outlining, I was in my own little world. At one point I realized Master had spoken to me, and I asked Him to repeat...He just laughed.

Master then treated me to His horse hair flogger and the large leather flogger. My 2 favorite toys to come out of His bag. I had to be reminded that I did not have permission to cum, yet. An extra special little treat for me to have Master use these....thanks so much Master!

After several permissions, I was insisting I was done, but Master was showing me...not yet. Finally, all sensations quieted and I was just trying to catch my breath and come back to earth. Master and I had our quiet, cuddle time, and I came back to reality with a soft landing.

Master seems to have a wonderful sense of when I am ready to go with somehing new. I love that He pushes me to new experiences and sensations, while still having me feel perfectly safe.

The Yanks and the Sox have 2 more series to play yet this season...I cannot wait to see what play opportunities will arise with our wagers on those games.

abby

maintenance and.............shopping!

2011-08-09T19:07:00.000-07:00

Maintenance day was today this week. I wanted to make sure that I mentioned it early to Master, since I have dropped the ball lately. Maintenance has come to be an important part of my submission, and Master has worked at being sure it happens weekly. This afternoon's maintenance started without a warm-up and it really stung right fromt the beginning. I tried to twist and see what He had chosen, since I could not tell. I could not see it, but He told me it was a lexan piece of shelving. He increased the strength of His spanks til I was really starting to squirm. Master stopped to let His fingers roam and play, and as I relaxed again, He picked up the paddle. He upped the speed and reminded me why we have maintenance...to keep me focused and away from punishment. Then I felt Him grab me around the waist and pull me in.....always a sign that He is about to rev things up a notch. No, it was not punishment, but it was close...thankfully it was a short volley.

Then it was play time, and it took no time for me to be so ready! Master prolonged giving me that first permission, til I think I was growling. I am always amazed when I think back to the sounds, noises really, that He seems to draw out of me. Finally, I heard...cum for me...and so of course,,,I did! We continued to play a while longer, then as I was getting dressed, Master asks if I wanted to go shopping?

We have talked about my getting myself a new toy...vibrator...I only have one, it is small, but it does the job. I looked on line and when I was telling Master what I had found, He suggested we should go shopping together. I agreed. I had slmost figured it was not going to happen, but I have learned to be patient...at least a little patient...

So I told Master I was ready to shop. Now, most of you know I am not a "young chick"... I am a retired school teacher with grandchildren. Today was my first visit into an adult toy store! It was interesting, lots of things in there.....some silly....some interesting...and some just...OMG!!!! As Master and I were looking at the available toys, Master and I had different opinions on what we should get....You can all guess who's opinion won out. So Master treated me to a new toy, but I somehow think He will get to enjoy it also...A surprising, fun, interesing afternoon!

abby

Red Sox and bumps in the road

2011-08-08T18:13:00.000-07:00

I am a Red Sox fan, have been since I used to listen to them on the radio back when I was in Junior High. I love Fenway Park, it is like a street party every game! Master is a Yanks fan....oops...guess we are not totally compatable. We usually get a little wager going when they play each other, as they did this past weekend. Master asked if I was game, and I replied when Sox win I get to feel lots of leather, He decided that I would get stripped (cane) when the Yanks win. Guess I get stripes, He said He loves the look of me in stripes...

I did not get back to Him on Saturday's wager, so there was none...and Sox won. Sunday's game I wagered some time with a metal pin wheel toy I have, I just love the sensations of it being rolled all over my body, and I cannot remember the last time it was used. So that is what I chose, along with a blindfold, to add anticipation. Master stuck with the cane. Thankfully, my boys came through for me...and I get to relax and enjoy my little toy...after I am wearing Master's stripes.

That was the fun part of the weekend. Sunday night as we were chatting we hit a "bump in the road", it had to do with miscommunication, both of us not realizing we were on different wave lenghts, among a couple other issues. We talked, but I got frustrated, so we met again this afternoon. I was calmer, still a little upset, but Master has a way of talking things out and getting me to explain my feelings, and making sure that we cover all the bases...just to keep up with baseball! We worked it all out, and both learned a lesson, about what might be important to the other person.

One of the important realizations I have learned from Master is that, "bumps" can be smoothed and worked out....we just have to keep trying. It is good to feel that we are both once again reading the same book and on the same page.

abby

still at 2 for 2

2011-08-03T18:38:00.000-07:00

I had to get to a funeral home for a friend's mom, and had dinner plans with a small group of friends, Master had a meeting at work that ran late, so getting spanked 2 days in a row is still my limit...my bottom is not complaining. It was interesting to imagine, a whole week of spnakings...guess somethings are better left to the imagination.
abby

2 for 2

2011-08-02T19:14:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, Master and I were were discussing the lack of maintenance last week, and how it happened. I said altho maintenance spankings are not fun, I did feel sad that we had missed a week. His comment was we will make it up next week, I replied something along he lines...that would be interesting. His next remark was...or maybe a spanking every day for a week. Now I have learned from past experiences to be careful what I reply when He casually makes a statement that totally wows me. If I express any doubt that He would do it, He becomes very determined to prove me wrong, if I don't reply He starts to question me. I honestly can't remember exactly what I said, I think I laughed and said something that might be much, even for me. That was the end of discussion.

Yesterday it was not mentioned, so I figured it must have been a thow away comment. Today, when we were discussing my plans for the day, He told me to be available late this afternoon, when He got out of work.

When I arrived the first thing I said, was that this was a bit of a surprise. His reply.....this is only day 2, there are 3 more to go...a whole week's worth! Now I have imagined a lot of things before I actually got spanked, and even more since, but the thought of being spanked every day, for 5 days in a row, has never been one of my fantasies. I am intrigued, and I trust Master ... so, we will see if we got to 5. If I were a betting person..I would be yes!

Back to today, we started out with some kneeling and focusing time. We chatted a little about yesterday's punishment, and some of the "loose ends" that we settled. Then, it was over His lap. He chuckled, a little, remarking how relaxed I was this afternoon over His lap. My bottom was marked a little from yesterday, but was not sore or tender. Still, it did not take long for the heat to build, both on my bottom and elsewhere. Master was quickly commenting on how wet and ready I was, and that I probably would cum even if all He did was keep spanking me. I was ready, I could feel it. He started to roam, and play, it took very little time for me to be begging for permission. I don't often plead, but I was so ready... and so spent after a string of permissions...maybe 4. We then had some quiet time, some coming back to earth cuddling, and more kneeling time. I have been spanked 2 days in a row before, but never 3....

abby

That dreaded basement....

2011-08-01T19:17:00.000-07:00

My text message to Master this morning included my weigh in...a gain, but only 1/2 pound. His reply was that He would see me at lunch time. I was thinking that maybe he wanted to get maintenance in early this week, or maybe just some fun time to start the week. Boy was I ever WRONG!

I am rarely surprised by a punishment. Master's rules and consequences are clear, and I rarely resist, He expects me to accept them, since I have earned them. So when I arrived today, got a quick hug, then He opened the basement door I balked, and started to plead my case. It was only 1/2 pound, if I did not have a digital scale it would have been a stay the same, I certainly had not earned a besement punishment. He wasn't buying it, just kept pointing to the darn basement....do Florida houses have basements???

Once at the bottom of the stairs, Master "explained" that without a digital scale it might have shown a gain of 1 pound, and last week when He granted me a stay the same on the weekend, He also explained He was doubful it would work....my mind set is different when I am trying to stay the same...as opposed to losing.

I was told to bare myself and lean over the chair and stick my bottom out...my head was not in punishment mode at all...and that always makes things worse. I hesitated, but only for an instant and Master started in with the big, heavy paddle ball paddle...He bought it for 1 dollar at a garage sale, I would pay a lot more to have one of you buy it!

I was still a little upset at being punished, and was moving and ouching loudly. Master kept telling me to stick my bottom out, then I did something I rarely do anymore, I stood up. I was up before I realized what I was doing, surprising both myself and Master, Master looked at me and quietly said, back in position that will cost you 5 extra hard ones. He gave me a moment, and I was back on position. He gave me the penalty ones next, then went on with the punishment spanking. Finally I hear, 10 more til the end. I let out a big breath....then He continues you will count them for me. I hate counting, I hate that I have to concentrate one each stroke, and that once I have counted it is like saying go ahead give me another. But I counted, and added a Sir after each number and finished with a Thank You Sir, without being reminded.

I was waitig for permission to get up, when I felt His fingers start to roam. This never happens after a punishment, so I was a little confused, but decided I should just enjoy. Just as I was starting to pant and squirm, I hear....calm down, you are not getting a permission, this is solely for my enjoyment. I slowed my breathing and try to think of anything else but what was happening. Master is finally done, and I get permission to stand.

I stand and absentmindedly pull up my pants...Master notices and gives me the "look". I realize what I have done, apologize and put them back down. He allows me a rub.

We then chat about last week, the lack of maintenance and my plans for this week. One of my rules is I am to ask for permission before going anyplace that I have to drive to...it is not all that restrictive, I practically always get a yes, and a quick response to a text. I have always considered it a reminder that Master is in charge of me...nothing more. He does not like me to ask far in advance, prefers the request to come on the day that I need them. Often I was asking for permission for plans that I had made a few days before. I brought up that I was planning to go out to dinner on Thursday with some friends, He asked about my planning without permission. I replied that was always the case, He wanted me to ask on the day I was going, so I considered it a kind of formality.

Needless to say that has changed. I need to ask for permission before I make the plans, and should not take a yes answer for granted. I got permission for Thursday night, but since I was the one who planned the dinner, I need to call and adjust the time..a litte later or earlier, for not asking before planning. Truthfully I never thought asking after I had made the plans made much sense,except as a reminder that Master is in charge. Master reminded me that I do better when I am sure of His control, and with little wriggle room, since giving me an inch almsot always mean I try for a foot. He wants us to be solid.

After I left I went to mail a package at the Post Office...yes I had permission. There was a line of 25 people..at a small Office! I was mailing a birthday gift that needed to go out today, so I took my place in line. The lady in front of me asked if she had fallen asleep and missed summer and fall, and it was really Christmas..with everyone mailing packages..LOL. As i was standing there I was processing my time with Master. I realized how lucky I am to have someone in my life, a Master even, who cares for me, takes care of me, and wants to be sure that we stay connected and strong. A hot, tender bottom, does not seem like a high price to pay!

abby

"no news"

2011-07-31T17:56:00.000-07:00

For the first time since we started maintenance spankings...almost 1 1/2 years...maintenance did not happen this past week. We were both in town all week, and did try, but that thing called " real life", was in charge. We tried, starting on Wednesday, but it was not to be. As much as maintenance spankings are not 'fun' spankings, it made me sad. I've been around long enough to know that we were pretty luck to have made it 18 months before this happened, but still.....

My weigh in last friday was a loss, of over a pound! I have had the munchies all day today, so I am not looking forward to tomorrow's weigh- in.

My son completed his first 1/2 triathelon this week...WOW! He's been training for a few months, his wilfe is training to run 1/2 marathon. Who are these 2?? I am very proud of both of them.

Looks like another hot, dry week here...hope you all have a good week!

abby

what goes down....comes up??

2011-07-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

I have had an up and down past few days. Last week was one of those where all feels right ... I was focused, calm, relaxed, happy with my little piece of the world. I felt I was finally beginning to let some major walls crumble. Yesterday, I woke up to doubts, questions, and I started to go within myself. Master says I go quiet on Him...not a good sign. I knew that Master was having an extra busy day, so I decided to just try and ignore my feelings.

Of course that did not work too well. I think I talked myself into a mild panic and thought that maybe instead of letting those walls crack I should be putting them back up. It wasn't really what I wanted, but the thought of being that open, scared me.

Master, who claims he can hear my thoughts and feel my moods at a distance, knew that something was not right. He let me know this morning, that He would see me this afternoon. We hugged, chatted, had some kneeling time, during which He repeated to me, that busy or not, I am still supposed to keep in touch with Him. He understands my reasoning, wanting to not bother Him, but it is not what He wants or expects. Calls, texts, reports are all to continue, I am not being a pest....I am doing what He wants. He asked if I understood, I replied, Yes Sir, but too quietly, and He had me answer Him several more times, before he was satisfied.

While I was over His lap, He asked why I had "gone quiet". I said it did not matter anymore, I did not want to talk about it. Not quite the answer He wanted. He said He was going to start spanking my thighs, and would stop when I started talking. He started off lightly, but continued with no breaks. My thighs are a lot more sensitive than my bottom. After a while he said, You can stop this when you decide to talk, I am not stopping until you talk. I finally had enough and decided to talk.

We discussed some long standing fears, and my thinking I needed to start shoring up some walls, along with a couple other concerns. Master always, is excellent at getting to the crux of the matter, making me see it in another light, and assuring me that I am not going crazy. He did say that if I dared to start rebuilding any walls, He was going to use the largest paddle He had to break them down....think I won't go to the trouble of rebuilding them.

I was still over His lap. I used to hate chatting while in that position, but it does have it's advantages. He started to spank again....on my bottom. He only used His hand....but His hand can be plenty hard, plus He tends to roam...an added advantage. I am always surprised, at how quickly He can get me squirming and moaning, His voice, His look, His wonderful hands...every part of Him...just seems to get my "juices" flowing. Several permissions later, I was spent and content with the knowledge, that I am His.

Another plus for today was that I convinced Master that a stay the same weigh in was acceptable for Mondays. He did say, because He was giving me an inch, I should not try to turn it into a foot...as I am apt to do:) abby

The "M" word

2011-07-21T19:32:00.000-07:00

I hope you are all keeping cool. We broke a record here today, 98! I am a summer girl, but this is a bit too much for me!

As I was getting my hair cut today I was thinking about this past week. Suddenly my thought process went to...Yikes it is Thursday. I have not mentioned the M word to Master...maintenance. It is my responsibility to check with Master and find a time for my weekly maintenance spanking, and He does not like for me to wait til Friday to bring it up.

As soon as my hair was done, I called Master and brought up the "M" word. He chuckled and said to plan on this afternoon. When we first started maintenance, I looked forward to it, I could not imagine that I was actually going to get spanked every single week...and for over a year now I have been, most weeks more than once.

Master views maintenance as a way for us to connect, but also as a way to avoid a more serious punishment spanking. For the most part, it has worked, punishments are certainly less frequent, and there is never a thought of me "testing" or or trying to earn a spanking. But maintenance spankings are not fun, they are serious, and they hurt.

As the afternoon approached I kept thinking it has been over 3 weeks since my last maintenance spanking, I hope Master remembers that and goes easy on me. I was nervous. I even decided to wear a new pair of black undies I had bought just for Him, hoping He would let me leave them on.
He admired them and told me to take them off! RATS!

I was told to bend over a chair and stick my bottom out. I looked back to see he had the big, heavy paddle ball paddle in His hands. I gave him a look, and He reminded me the purpose of maintenance and said only 12...hard ones. I muttered my yes Sir, He reminded me to breathe as He started in.

He did stop to rub and roam and touch after each couple of swats, but they did HURT....He claimed I should not concentrate on my bottom, but try to direct the pain elsewhere....I soo wanted to say, "then stop directing the pain at my bottom", but I have learned that somethings are better said just to myself.

We finally got to the last 3, which of course were going to be the hardest ones. He did give me 2 very hard ones, and the last was not quite so hard. He continued His rubbing and roaming, until I was squirming, and feeling the heat not on my bottom, but elsewhere. Permission was finally granted for my release, and I was allowed to stand.

Master had put the paddle down and I reached over to touch it, then changed my mind. Master was grinning and said you may touch. I said what I really wanted to do was smack His bottom so He coud direct the pain elsewhere.....but I wasn't sure I was ready for the consequence. Master thought that was rather amusing, saying He does not see the brat in me very often, it could be entertaining, but there would be consequences.
I am still debating if they might not be worth it...stay tuned.

Master then sat and told me to sit on His lap. I always get a little flustered when He wants this, I always think...I won't fit, I will be too heavy for Him, etc. He gave me the look, so I sat. He reassured me He was comfortble and His legs were not going to be damaged. Then He hugged me tightly and started to rock gently back and forth, and I totally relaxed.

I felt so safe, cared for, and content sitting on my Master's lap....what a great way to end the afternoon!

abby

Remember me?

2011-07-19T18:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am finally back....I have spent the last 3 weeks being entertained by a delightful 3 year old, and meeting the newest member of the family...a red haired little (well not so little) guy. When I was telling Master how cute he was, Master corrected me. Handsome, he told me was the proper term for a boy...not cute. LOL...he is cute and handsome!

Keeping up with a 3 year old, kept me very busy. We did a lot of swimming...no floating, swimming, playing school and library, cooking, making posters...since she knows all her letters!

I knew being away for so long was likely to be a major problem for my diet. I really tried to be conscious of what and how much I was eating, figuring the swimming and walks would take care of the exercise. I was hoping to have stayed the same, knowing that would be a good report, since going away often means a gain. TA-DAH...I loss a little over 2 pounds...both Master and I are very pleased.

Master and I have reconnected with a massage, kneeling time, a wonderful hand spanking, and the granting of many permissions. He always seems to know just what to say and do to have me purring (and yelling). More importantly to welcome me back so that I know I am where I belong, where I can be "me".

I have started to try to catch up on all of your blogs, it will take a while. I am mostly reading, leaving a quick commnent on some, I love hearing about what you have been up to!

abby

I'm off to meet the newest member of the family!

2011-06-24T18:37:00.000-07:00

I got a call from my daughter yesterday from the OB's office. Yes, it made me hold my breath! They are recommending a C section on Monday, instead of waiting another week. My daughter who is 9 months along, said what any woman who has been carrying a "bowling ball" around....YES!

Master and I took some time this afternoon to say good bye.
Of course part of saying good bye, for at least 2 weeks, includes kneeling time and spanking. After kneeling time, I surprised Master with new "undies", I was not all that happy with them , they were really sheer and see through, but Master thought they were great and even let me keep them on for part of the spanking.

We enjoyed a long hand spanking, slowly building. My bottom was heating up more quickly than usual, still a little tender from the 2 spankings earlier this week. I just realized...3 apankings in one week, not so long ago that was the stuff of dreams and will never happen!

Of course the panties slowly came down, as Master's hands started to wander. He has this habit of rubbing and pulling and thrusting, and gets me going, and then He decides He wants to discuss a few things. So far I have not screamed, could You just concentrate on 1 thing please! But responding to Him takes a lot of concentration and determination. We were discussing, or trying to, my being able to stay focused while away, and not return having gained...my weigh in was a 2 pound loss this week!

Soon I was panting, and beyond conversation. After my first couple orgasm, Master started spanking me again. He wanted me to cum just from the spanking sensations. Master told me to be sure that I added...I came all over my Master's lap just from His hand spanking...more than once!
I am always amazed when that happens.

Then it was time to say good bye. I will be away at least 2 weeks, depending on how quickly my daughter recovers. With my oldest grandaughter (3), I was going to stay a week, and for several reasons, stayed over 3. I, of course will miss Master, I always do so much more than I think I will. I am lucky and blest that I have the time and ability to be there for
the births of my grandchildren, and to help out, and that Master understands that need and blessing. I will try to give a quick update, on the new arrival!

abby

2 days....2 spankings

2011-06-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

Today was maintenance for this week...the day after a major punishment!
No, Master is not being cruel...at least not this time. My oldest daughter is due to give me a grandson any day now. Her first pregnancy was full of problems, ending in an emrgency C-section and my daughter in ICU for 2 days. All turned out find..healthy mom and a beautiful baby girl. She and hubby had been told they would not be able to have more children...then she got pregnant last October. I was thrilled for them, and very scared. Thanks to many prayers, baby boy stayed put, and it has been a fairly normal pregnancy!@

As soon as she calls that she is in labor, I will head over to help with my grand-daughter, they live about 4 1/2 hours drive from here. So, knowing that I could get that call at anytime, when Master called today I asked if we could have maintenance during the early part of this week. I was thinking Wednesday...my bottom is not sore, but bruised from yesterday.
Master says He has time early this afternoon, and might be busy tomorrow.
UGH, I simply said, guess I will see you this afternoon.

When I got there, Master asked if I was hoping for tomorrow, I admitted I was, He congratulated me for simply saying yes. He was pleased that I took the iniative to ensure that maintenance would happen. So, I am thinking, He is pleased, a nice hand spanking won't be too bad.

After some kneeling time, I am told to get over the back of the sofa. UMmmm...not a hand spanking position, usually. Then I hear the belt...UGH. I love leather, but was sure it would light up my bottom quickly. After 3 strokes, the fire had been lit, I stayed in position, and Master made it quick, with lots of rubbing.

He then sat and invited me to get over His lap, a short hand spanking, and lots of roaming and touching and rubbing and a few orgasms later, I was pretty much jello. Master said He wanted me to get myself wet, and swollen and ready, and then to ask for permission tonight,,,such a chore, LOL...

Master was very pleased with my submission and attitude, and repeated to me, I can do anything I set my mind to. With His help and encouragement, I can!

I will keep you posted on the new grand baby news, if she has not delivered by July 1st it will be C section day. I will staying for about 2 weeks to help out...lucky me!

abby

consistency....be careful what you wish for...

2011-06-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

I think most would agree that one of the most important factors in making a power exchange relationship work is consistency. When I first met Master, it was just to get an occasional spanking, as we progressed through the stages of our relationship, consistency became an issure. At first the lack of it, not always, but occasionally. He would threaten, and after about the 5th time I figured out it was a threat, and not much of a motivator. At times it would be so long between spankings that a promised punishment would be forgotten. As we traveled down the M/s path, Master realized the importance of consistency. Now if a punishment is not delivered I am thrilled, until I start to get "antsy" and uneasy and Master realizes what is missing.

As much as I know how important consistency is, there are times when I wish for some wriggle room....like today.

I gained a pound over the weekend, the same pound I had lostlast week, so there has been no progress in a couple of weeks, at least. When Master has to punish for the same reason a second time, it makes Him think He did not do a good enough job the first time, I disagree, He always does a good job!

I sent in my report asking for clemency..."nope" was the reply. I tried all the excuses I could think of, He was not buying any of them. I know how much last week's paddling had hurt, and I did not want another one.

Now, Master does not grab me by the hair and force me to be punished, so we started this afternoon by talking. What's been going on in my head, why was I struggling so, and what happens when I get out of a deserved punishment. Master wants me to submit to my punishment and I finally submitted, just not all that graciously. Master sent me to the basement to get ready , and to be in position and waiting for Him. I was, although it was a while...thinking time , I suppose.

Master told me to ask nice for my punishment, for a hard punishment. It took me a long time to get the words out, and the sincerety seemed to be missing. He told me to get up and look Him in the eyes.

We talked some more. I said I wasn't sure I could lose anymore. He replied He knew I could, I just had not decided that I really wanted to. He continued, He had seen me when I was determined, and nothing could stop me. If I wasn't in a place where I wanted it for myself, then I was doing it to please Him. eventually I was ready to get back on position.

I asked for my hard paddling punishment in a stronger voice. Master reminded me that this was the second punishment in a week for the same reason, so this one would be longer, harder.

He was using the same big, think, heavy paddle as last week. I really struggled through the first 10. Master stopped and asked why I was struggling so....(DUH)...it hurts was my obvious answer. His reply was that He was not yet spanking as hard as last week, and I had taken harder spankings, without such fussing and moving. I had not pleased Him, and my head was not in the right place, He put the paddle on my back and told me not to let it drop while He gave me a little time to get myself refocused.

By the time Master was ready to start again, I was more ready. I managed to hold my position, and be quieter. Master was using sets of 10, and giving a tiny bit of recovery time between sets. He finally asked if I was ready to end this punishment...Yes Sir...realizing that the hardest were yet to come. He told me to count, loudly. I counted the first one..One Sir...He said I forgot the thank You. He did not start over, this time. There were 10, each one a little harder. I tried to get the count out as soon as I could just to get done. He gave me the last 2 in rapid fire.

He rubbed my bottom a little, and told me to get up and give Him a hug. He checked my bottom again, and said could not have been that bad, no marks...I do have marks tonight. He then sat in the chair and told me to sit on His lap. The first time Master told me to site on His lap, I looked at Him as if He were nuts. I was much heavier and had not sat in anyone's lap in a very long time. He insisted, and although it does not happen often, it does give me a feeling of safety and being cared for. He eventually reached over and started to rub and play...He continued until I was wet, hot and panting.....at which time he told me to get up. Punishment...no cumming for me.

Before I left Master did say that if we end up in the basement again anytime soon, He will get out His long, heavy paddle, and use 2 hands to swing it...it's up to me. I hate it when He says it is up to me...my choice. I understand why He says it more than I used to, but I still don't like it.

Consistency..it works...I am lucky that Master believes in it...but sometimes...the words "wriggle room" are the words I long for...

abby

Dad.....

2011-06-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

When I was awake enough to think this morning, I realized it was father's day....my first without being able to call and hear his voice and his laugh. He would be full of questions...a new great grandson is due to be born at any day...and dad did love us all...but new additions to the family were special!

All morning I have been thinking about the things that I remember most about dad..

...He worked 2 jobs, one was a summer job at a local racetrack. We would show up on sunday afternoons, dad would take a break and give us each ( 4 of use) 2 dollars. We were to read the horse's names and pick out a winner. Mom would place the bet for us...if any of us picked a winner, it was ice cream time!

...Whenever I asked mom to go someplace and she said, wait til your dad gets home and ask him...I grinned...dad always asked tons of questions, but rarely said no (after asking what did your mom say, of course!)

...Watching dad rocking the newest little members of the family and whistling the whole time. My granddaughter, as soon as dad picked her up eventually would pucker her lips and blow! Naps were in dad's arms, with dad watching over his newest little one.

...When the babies were toddlers, dad would take them for a walk, collect rocks, come home and teach them how to paint rocks! It soon became a favorite activity, and many of those rocks still "decorate" all of our homes. Last time I was in Boston I introduced my youngest granddaughter to the joys of painting rocks. I sent a phone picture to here dad, he replied...memories!

...As soon as the grandchildren could count and sit still, dad taught them all how to play cribbage...not sure who is going to have the patience to teach the great grands! He was so patient, until they were good enough to beat him, then he showed them no mercy!

...Dad was a quiet man, accepting of everyone and their choices. Every time anyone visited and left, he always left us with..."Be good, if you can't be good have a good time", my mom always cringed.

...As each granddaughter brought a partner to meet "pepere", he was given a third degree, marrying one of his granddaughters was a privilege

I love you dad...and I miss you...
abby

maintenance, those "voices"

2011-06-17T19:41:00.000-07:00

Usually after a harsh punishment like I had on Tuesday, I am calm and focused for quite a while. I have been focused this week, but those darn little voices that reside in my head made an appearance on Thursday. I am familiar with those voices, and they usually lead right down the path to TROUBLE. Only this time they seemed to be making sense.

Master always has more than 1 project going..in addition to work and family and friends, so He is always busy. But it seems lately He has been busier than ever. That the voices and I agreed on. My problem was that one of my rules is that I am the one responsible for making the arrangements for making maintenance happen...every single week...no matter what...or maintenance turns into punishment, and then maintenance.

Master has been so busy, and seemed so stressed, I had to agree with those voices, my punishment could count as maintenance for this week. Yes, the voices and I made that decision on our own. I did not want Master to feel like He had to find time to aqueeze me in, I was only thinking of Him..I truly was!

This morning while we are texting He tells me to be available at 3 this afternoon. Then around 1 He calls and asks what I am doing. I was on facebook. He decides we will meet in 10 minutes, I do say if He is too busy... but He says 10 minutes.

I arrive we hug, chat, and Master starts to undress me....kneeling time, to be sure that I am focused, some breast play, that I must say I tolerated very well. Then I am directed over His lap, He tells me He is pleased...I lost a little over a pound this week, and He is warming up my bottom very nicely, I am sooo relaxed.

Then He stops and asks if I am going to ask for this week's maintenance, since it is now Friday afternoon and I have not asked...yet. I answer that I have noticed He is very busy lately and....He jumps in, maintenance is every week, no matter what....that is the rule. I take a breath and ask nicely for my weekly maintenance. Master generously just says yes, not mentioning that I did not really make the arrangements. Maintenance is a harder hand spanking. He asks if He has to take off His belt....saying even though it is leather, which is my favorite, He can make me think it is not so nice. No Sir, I quickly reply, remember your rules, Young lady! (Thank You Sir, for letting me off that hook...)

Usually after a punishment I am not allowed to cum. Last Tuesday evening, I so wanted to cum, I took a chance and asked Master for permission. His reply was to rub and play and when I was very close to ask again. This was something new, but it was not a no, so I did as was instructed and received permission. This afternoon, master proceeded to demonstrate exactly what He wanted me to do to get myself "ready" and how wet I had to be for next time. I asked if He would actually say no when I was ready ...He gave me that look and said I will do whatever I want...and get whatever I want...I take that as a possible yes.

Finally, Master was telling me to cum, to show Him how ready I was. I was soo ready, and off I went. As i was recovering Master started to spank my pussy, softly and steadily. I don't remember that happening before, but it felt nice...good...and finally arousing. Master was using His voice, telling me to cum for Him, to let go, to show Him how obedient I can be...and cum I did...just from that pussy spanking. I am always still amazed and what He can get me to do...I would have bet more money than I will ever have a couple years ago, that a pussy spanking would not be something I would ever enjoy, cum from, or even allow...

A great way to end the week,
abby

Catching up....

2011-06-14T18:25:00.000-07:00

Like a lot of you, it has been a busy few weeks. Right after I returned from Boston, Master and I met for my maintenance spanking. He used His belt and it was fairly intense, but it was what I needed.

The following day, my 22 month old grand-daughter, and her mom and dad, flew in to attend a family wedding. They were here 6 days and we packed a lot in...children's museum, zoo, a working farm, library...we have a wonderful children's area, and she already wants to read "self"..on her own, a visit to the great lake, a few play grounds, and a couple of ice ream outings. It was a lot of fun, they left today, and I am one tired grandma!!

Master had warned me that I still had to weigh in and report. Last Friday I had stayed the same, Monday I gained a little over a pound and a half. Master hates "going backwards", and spending time re-loosing pounds already lost once.

When I went to Master today, He was standing in front of the basement door...not an encouraging sign. We said hello, hugged and He opened the door. I sighed, gathered myself, and headed down the stairs. He did ask if I was surprised, and I had to admit no, but was hoping that maybe the basement would not be involved....major Punishments always take place in the basement.

After I undressed, I knelt and Master reminded me why we were in the basement. He was not pleased at my actions, I had not kept up with several of His expectations, and splurged with my eating. He had me lean over the front of a chair and spead my legs. I was told to NOT let go of that chair.

I felt the coolness of wood, but I did not look back. It was Master's paddle ball paddle, it is thick and large. Punishments mean no warm-ups, no rubbing in between sets, and no permissions for me. I managed to count the first set, and there were 12 hard smacks, alternating sides. He repeated this set, and I was barely managing to breathe through them. Master then warned me that the next set would be all on the same side, with the other side's turn for a set following. At this point I started to ouch and yell loudly. Master said ouching and yelling and crying are all allowed, not allowed is letting go of the chair or being disrespectful.

After the second side I did ask if we could be done....no was the answer. Another set that covered all my bottom. Then Master said, ...you can choose. I hate hearing those words during a Punishment, if I really could choose it would be over. Of course that is not one of the choices, and there is never really a good choice. My choice was 12 more harder ones....harder ones??? ...or 24 of the same kind. See...no good choice. I just wanted it over with so I chose the 12 harder ones, and He threw in I had to thank Him after each one. I also really dislike having to say something after each stroke, it is like saying to Him,... go ahead,spank me again. They were harder, and I did say, Thank You Sir, quietly after each one, with the last one being the hardest of all. Master did continously rub my back during these, helping me to stay connected to Him, which helped me.

While I was still in position, Master let His fingers do some roaming. He remarked, I was quite "wet", and proceeded to rub and play until I was squirming...just because I am being punished does not mean he can't have some fun. I did not get a permission, no rewards when being Punished.

It was then time for hugging and forgiveness...and a reminder that maintenance still needs to be scheduled this week. He added, maybe it does not need to be a big deterrant this week...I probably already have "felt" that message!

Yes, I hate these punnishment sessions. Master never goes easy on me. but once they are done, I know that all is right again, and I feel like I have been re-set, to being the submissive Master wants, deserves and appreciates.

abby

AHHH---CHOO!

2011-06-07T19:16:00.000-07:00

Hello all....

I am typing this through watery, itchy eyes, and stuffiness, and sneezing. Allergies had not bothered me the last couple years, but this year must be really bad..UGH!

I returned from Boston yesterday. My weekend with my mom was bittersweet, harder than I expected. My time with my grand-daughter was wonderful! I introduced her to the joys of pasting..with a glue stick, some new songs, and how to make chocolate chip cookies!

When I got back to town yesterday, my first stop was to see Master, it had been wayyyyy toooo long. We got caught up, I had a wonderful, too short, welcome home spanking, and some play time ! Master warned me I had to send in a report this morning, and He was not going to be happy with a gain. I never weigh myself when I am away....much to Master's puzzlement.

Running around with a 21 month old must be as good as the wii...I lost almost 1 pound...pretty good for being away 10 days!

This is a busy week, kids flying in on Thursday for a family wedding on Sunday. I went out shopping with my youngest daughter looking for something to wear to said wedding. She had picked out a dress that we both thought was cute, but it looked small to me, so I asked what size it was. I told her I needed at least 1 size larger, she said try it....and guess what I am wearing to the wedding!

abby

Pretend this is last night

2011-05-26T19:39:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to write and post last night. I did think of it early on, but then got busy, forgot, and remembered today while I was driving to Boston.

Yesterday was maintenance day. I had been shopping the day before for some new "undies"...I had asked Master for permission to go on a scouting mission. The shopping was fun, there is lots of stuff out there, and deciding what to buy was difficult. I did find some sales, so I stuck to those items. I tried them on when I got home. I was pleased that they fit, I had brought them in a non plus size store, in a size I have not worn for a while..and they fit! Did I feel sexy when I looked in the mirror....honestly...no...I thought...darn I should lose more weight. But they did feel nice.

I wore the balck lace bra and panties to maintenance. I have to admit, dressing in something special for Master was more exciting than just wearing the usual. We chatted for a bit when I arrived and then He told me to undress and He stood there watching with great interest...made me a little squirmy. He approved....very much so! I even got to keep the bra and panties on, until He peeled them down during my spanking. Maintenance was a long hand spanking...my favorite kind of maintenance! We had extended play time after...leaving me very breathless.

We talked about the fact that I would be leaving today, too soon after I just returned home. I am in Boston for a couple days, before I take my grand daughter and go to see my mom. She has been wanting me to come for a while, and since this weekend is Memorial Day and would have been mom and dad's 63 anniversary, I decided this would be a good time.

I will be away for about 10 days, and Master expects me to stick to my rules ,,,, and no gaining, or I could be facing one of those nasty basement sessions. I promised to try...I have leaarned that gaining just means I have to lose it again...and that is a lot of work for no progress.

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend...
abby

I

to be or not to be........sexy

2011-05-23T19:16:00.000-07:00

When I saw Master this afternoon, after the hugs, one of the first things He said was that I had left something out of my account of my weekend. One of my newest rules, is that I have to ask for permission for any trip outiside the county...and since I have to ask for local trips and errands, that means permission for all excursions. Asking for family and trips with friends has been difficult for me to accept. It is not that I worry that Master will say no just because He can, mainly He just wants to know when I will leave and return, and what I have planned. When the trip to Sesame Place was brought up by my kids, it sounded great, we made plans, chose dates, and found a motel. All before I had asked Master about it. So, my punishment was that I had to wear my plug for the trip to my daughter's. It is about a 4 1/2 hour trip, Master said I could call or text half way to see if I could be more comfortable for the rest of the trip. He did allow that, nice Master that He sometimes is....and He made His point...ask before planning, for both have to and want to trips.

I weighed in this morning to plus 1/2 pound, considering I spent 2 days at a theme park and back problems have made exercise not probable until today, I was pleased. Master, of couse, said it showed good effort, but he expected a loss...No going backwards is His mantra. He had His little brush paddle, and warmed me up with it, and then it was a farily quick hard spanking.

Master then remarked that I alsways wear plain cotton white panties. Actually I do have colored ones, and on the days that I feel really daring, I have ones with patterns. He asked if I had sexier ones...my reply was no. I don't, for a long time I have not considered myself sexy, I hear a long ago voice in my head reaffirming that. Master has showed me that I am sensual, and that orgasms can and do come in multiples. Master said I needed to change my mindset, I have lost 60 pounds, and I need to think of myself as sexy. I don't know,,,I am not young or skinny or pretty, sexy is a pretty tall order. He gave me the task of looking at pics of sexy bras and panties, and sending Him a pic of those I liked.

I have been trying to think of when was the last time I shopped for pretty or sexy underthings....I am guessing college or slightly after. I told Master that clothes, or undies do not make a person sexy. He knows that, but they might help. Hmmmmm..sexy....can I change how I see myself?
I don't know.

abby

I do not live in a rose garden

2011-05-22T19:26:00.000-07:00

..Hope you all had a great weekend...mine was loads of fun! Sesame Place was a big hit with my 2 grand-daughters. Seeing them dance with Elmo and Mr. Noodles, and hug Big Bird, splash in the water park, and ride the rides with grandma, was a big hit with me!

My last post listed the some of the changes that have occured since I met Master. I chose to list all positive changes, since the good far outweighs the bad. But no, we do not exist in a perfect rose garden. Relationships are a tricky business, real life can be difficult, ups, downs, sometimes even sideways. Journeys are exciting, but also have detours.

There have certainly been times when either Master or I have wondered if we should continue, luckily never both at the same time. Rose gardens come with sweet smells, pretty flowers and lots of thorns....
abby

Change...Growth....or...Discovery

2011-05-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

I woke up Monday morning wondering how I was going to get out of bed...and once I managed that, walking was near impossible. I found my heating pad and muscle relaxants and went back to bed. By evening I managed a shower. Yesterday was much better, and today better still...for that I am very thankful.

Master and I met today for maintenance. I am leaving tomorrow to spend a few days with both grand daughters and their parents at Sesame Street World...talk about fun! Since I am trying to be careful of my back, Master decided to eliminate kneeling time, and maintenance consisted of a short hand spanking, and a little play time, and of course His repeating to me that I am always His, and His expectations follow me ..even when I am in the company of Elmo and Big Bird!

I have been thinking about writing an entry on changes for a while now...PK over at "New Beginnings" recently wrote about changes in her life, so I decided to stop thinking and get writing.

A few months ago, after a fairly intense session, I thanked Master for changing me, He replied, without hesitation, He had not changed me. He had helped me to grow and discover the "me" that was always there. It was not an answer I expected, so I kept quiet and thought about it. I really think this is a case where we are both right...yes, He certainly has made it possible for me to dig deep and discover a me, that might never have seen the light of day. He positively has helped me to grow. But that growth and discovery have led to major changes...so I guess we are both right. I do recognize that in case of a tie...Master always wins!!!

What changes? One that is obvious to everyone, the physical change. I have lost 60 pounds! It's hard to believe I can even say that. I know I will not re-gain them. I still have more to go, but 60 pounds is truly amazing to me.

Secondly, acceptance of who I am. A very long time ago, a gentleman I was corresponding with, referred to me as a submissive. I laughed and vehemently denied it. NO WAY...NOT ME. Master and I had known each other for 2 years, before that word came up again. Master led me down the road to acceptance slowly, always making me feel safe and accepted.

Sexually Master has brought me to a whole new world. Multiple oragasm are the norm, and my body...no matter what the weight....is nothing to be ashamed of. I am a sexual being, I should relish and enjoy that, it is a good thing. I figure that the multiple orgasms are helping me to make up on all the ones I missed before Master!

Looking at a bigger picure of me, Master has helped me to become a calmer more open person. He has taught me to relax and enjoy, without having to be the one in charge. He is always willing to listen and help me come to a decision, reassuring me that I am not going crazy. Over the years, I had constructed lots of very strong and large walls. They are coming down, something I was sure would never happen. Pieces of them are still there, but those walls are more fragile with lots of cracks in them...I did not think anyone could do that. I can now ask for help, and not be embarrassed.

Positive changes, some of which I never thought possible. Overall , I am calmer, more positive, open, sexual and content. Those changes make me believe that I am a very lucky submissive indeed!

abby

Maintenance....on a still tender bottom

2011-05-13T18:34:00.000-07:00

...I returned home after my punishment on Tuesday with a very sore bottom. It is rare for me to still be sore the day after, tender maybe but not sore. Tuesday nite I thought of Master each and every time I rolled over, and sitting on Wednesday, made me catch my breath. I texted Master when I first woke up on Wednesday, telling Him about my nite....His reply was,...good!!..which was what I expected. To my surprise, the same thing happened Wednesday nite, and all day Wednesday sitting was not a happy time. Two days after a spanking and still sore...Master had outdone Himself.

On Wednesday morning when I texted Master to tell Him I was still very sore, His reply was....and you still have maintenance for this week. Honestly, for the first time since we started maintenance..a little more than a year...the word had not even crossed my mind. When we talked later in the day, I asked if we could wait until Friday, He does not like to wait until Friday, so He said maybe.

We did wait until today, my bottom is still tender, but not as sore. We started with hugs and some kneeling time, which is really shutting out the whole rest of the world time...and I have started to really look forward to that time. Master also reminded me, that no matter what other spankings I get during the week, maintenance will still happen. During this time, Master had me put my head down, bottom up, so He could examine the marks on my bottom. They are still there, a little faded. The ones on my breasts and thighs are just about gone.

Then it was over Master's lap for the spanking. Master reminded me that to be effective maintenance has to be a serious spanking. I was very happy to feel Him start off with His hand. It was a long and hard hand spanking, and rekindled the fire in my bottom, knowing I was still very tender, the spanking ended with just His hand.

Then came a little discussion. One of my more recent rules, is that I need Master's permission before I make the final plans for a trip. For a couple years now, I have had to ask for permission to go any place from home. I was a little hesistant about this rule, but it turns out to be not nearly as restrictive as it sounds. Master is very good at answering a text, and the asking really reminds me that I am His submissive.

A few months ago, Master decided He wanted me to start asking for permission for all trips. Although I know that Master does not say no just fo the sake of saying no, I was very hesistant about this. He simply wants to know when I will leave and return, and where I will be. He also would like me to limit time away to 1 week. So far it has not caused a problem, although I still am uncomfortable with the asking.

When I returned from my recent trip to Boston, Master asked when the next trip was....and I started right in telling Him we were all...both granddaughters and moms and dads...going to Sesame Street Place for a weekend in May. As I was telling Him about the plans, I realized He was quiet....til He said, You told them you would go and the plans are all set, and this is the first time I hear about it. GULP Sooo....I quickly asked if I could go and explained that we had talked about it, and since it was just a weekend I figured it was not a problem. I kept saying to Master, but it is just a weekend, and He kept saying, You made plans without asking for permission. He also pointed out that this is a "want to, and not a have to" trip. So Master said we would discuss it again later.

Well, the trip is next weekend, and I have been good and not mentioned it again. But today I had to ask again. The plan is to leave Thursday afternoon, got to my daughter's, and on Friday we would all meet up at Sesame Place. Master said I could go, but He wanted me to wait til Friday to leave, as my punishment for not asking before planning. I told Him that I would have to leave between 3 and 4 in the morning to make it to Sesame Place by 10....and that my daughter who lives here was coming with me. Master said, since my daughter was coming along, I could leave on Thursday, but that I would find out that there might be worse things than getting up at 3 AM....He is going to let me know what that is next week...I may be travelling with a very sore bottom, or a filled on. "You will learn to ask before planning", is an exact quote...and I guess I will. As I thought about this, I have come to realize to...just a weekend...is not a good excuse. It could be just and overnight, and I would still need to ask.

abby

Re-set!

2011-05-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

Master re-set me this afternoon...that's His word for it. I am sitting here stripes on my thighs, my breast, and of course my bottom...a bottom that is still burning.

My weigh-in last Friday was a 1 pound lost...I was happy, but even more surprised! I had those munchies and chocolate cravings all week, I got a mixed basket of Godiva from one granddaughter and a whoopie pie package from the other. I had not sent in a daily report, since I was "indulging". A 1 pound lost was almost a miracle, I should have thanked the diet gods and got back on track.

I had a girls' nite out on Saturday, we saw a show, went out to dinner, then to a house for chocolate martinis and munchies. Sunday was mother's day...enough said.

The diet gods left me to my own fate, and I gained 2 pounds on Monday.
So, today was my day of reckoning, I got re-set.

After my welcoming hug, Master commented on how quiet I was. I replied that I was not in the mood to be spanked. "You are in for more than a spanking,"....I replied that "I am even less in a mood for that." My mood was noted, then ignored.

After some kneeling time, Master announced that I would be getting a hand warm-up, and then a long caning...good news/bad news.

Master sat on an ottoman as I went over His lap, He wanted my hands and feet on the ground. The warm-up was long and harder as it continued. It also served to relax me and change my mood. I knew the warm up was a gift, since I rarely get one before a punishment, and this was a very thorough one.

I was then told to put my hands on the ottoman, stick my bottom out, and spread my legs. There is no gentle way to start a caning. (or continue one or finish one.) Master was striping me in sets of 6. I am not sure how many sets, I was busy breathing and staying in position. I did not want Him to have to start over! I felt Him tap my thighs and a "no" came out of me.

Master had me stand, and asked me....what part of You belongs to Me. The only answer to that question is all of me , Sir. My thighs were His target, 4 quick ones. He then told me to stretch my arms in front of me, palms up, and used the cane on my palms. I pulled them away, He told me to put them back, and I did for one more swish of the cane. I moved them away, but quickly put them back without being told.

Master then told me to present my breast to Him. I hesitated, He repeated. I held them up, a little. I was told to push them together and stretch them out. I did and closed my eyes, I had never been caned on my breast, and I am not fond of any breast play. Master gave me 4 strokes of the cane, and I survived. He then asked the question again, what part of me belongs to Him. Without any hesitation, I gave Him the correct reply.

I was then told to kneel down. I did, in position, eyes closed. I heard Master tell me to open my eyes, He was kneeling in front of me. After some gentle touching and caressing I was calm, and so sure that I am His, that all I want is to please this special man. He then asked me if I was happy with where I was or if I wanted to try for more. I gave it a little thought, I knew that He would accept any answer I decided on. I said that I was happier with myself than I was when we first started, but yes, I would love to lose more. Master said give me 10 more pounds, and really give it your all. No going backwards, no waffling, just do it, and then You will stay put for a while. I agreed, and then He said it was time to finish my caning.

Words I did not want to hear. You know what that means, He continued, I nodded....these would be the hardest ones. He told me to get back over the ottoman, I hesitated for a minute, He said no hesitation, I do not like hesitation. Over the ottoman I went, trying to prepare myself.

The first 6 had me hanging on, and panting and ouching very loudly. Then the next 5 and just as I was feeling a small sense of relief, I felt the cane on my thighs. Master asked, should the last one be here. I replied No Sir, but it was not the answer He was looking for. Any place You want Sir, was the correct answer, one I finally said. He tapped my thighs and pulled back, I was holding my breath, this was bound to be the hardest one yet, and He swung at... my bottom, and not any harder than the others had been....not that they were not hard enough. I quickly spit out a Thank You Sir.

I got up to hugs. Master then told me to get over His lap. I quickly complied. He said, no hesitation, that is what I always want, no thinking, just acting. You can think after You do what I say. After some rubbing and quiet chatting Master had me get up. I do not get to cum after a punishment, or now a re-setting. After more hugs, I got reading to leave. I left a much calmer, submissive, satisfied "young lady".

abby

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T16:33:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note..Hope all of you mom's and caregivers and grandmoms had a wonderfuf day! I skyped with my beautiful granddaughters, and had a day that was very nice! (and no rain , just sunshine!)
abby

a task for tonite..and some advice, please?

2011-05-04T19:04:00.000-07:00

My sneezings last Friday, turned into a full blown cold and sinus thing. The weekend was a total loss, on Monday I started to feel human, better yesterday, and much better today. Now if it only could stop raining!

After I had assured Master this morning that I was feeling much better, He declared it maintenance day. Actually He mentioned it yesterday, but I really did not want to be spanked, sort of a first for me, but as much as I had dreamed of maintenance, and yes, it is a good thing for me/Us, it is not always something to look forward to. We talked about that a bit today, Master remimded me that it has greatly reduced the number of major punishment sessions, and does keep those naughty little voices at bay. I know all that, but it still hurts!

Much to my surprise,and He does like to keep me guessing, I was told to lean over the arm of the sofa, bottom up and out, legs spread. It was going to be belt day, with no warm-up. Leather is usually a good thing, but no warm up is not. He started right in, with His belt doubled. After the first few I started to rise, but was reminded not to, that this spanking was not optional, and He was going to use the belt. After a few more, with me really ouching, He decided to try not to have the belt doubled...wow, be careful what you ask for! I found that to be much worse, so after a few more Master went back to the doubled belt. I guess that is His was of not being mean.

I am not sure how many times He swung that belt, but eventually I heard 12 more. That is both a relief and a warning. I now know how many before the end, which helps me, but I also know they will be the hardest yet. When I started to whine, Master rubbed my thighs...I took the hint and stuck my bottom out further. I survived the 12 (actually I only counted 11, but did not question Master's math! (;

Master then started to rub and commented on how hot my bottom was...really??? After some rubbing, and touching, and proding, He invited me to go over His lap, no whining now! After more rubbing and touching and finding all the rights spots, I hear...I wonder if I could get you to ask for 12 more of the belt, to earn an orgasm. I have no doubt He would do such a thing, so I was in a slight panic, begging to have permission to cum. After more teasing, Master asked if I was ready to ask for the belt, when I shoke my head no, He nicely and gaciouly and wonderfully allowed me to cum. (Thank You Master!)

Master then said that my bottom had cooled off a little, the rest of me was sweating! He started to hand spank me. As He continued, He asked if I would cum just from His spanking me....I used to think "no way"..."impossible"...but it has happened a couple times lately, so I relaxed, asked for some harder spanks and it happened, I will never understand it, but maybe just enjoying it is enough.

Master then gave me a task for tonite, I was to take out my biggest toy and fuck myself hard with it for 5 minutes, then cum for Him. I have completed that task, but I only own 1 vibrator, and it is a very small one. I think it is time to move up, so to speak. I am going to ask Master if I may purchase at least one more...and I need suggestions. Please help me with any suggestions as to what works well for you! Thanks!

abby

aaachooo!

2011-04-29T18:57:00.000-07:00

Yes i am sitting here sniffling and keeping the kleenex close...hopefully I can banish this cold soon!

This was a week of ups and downs for me. Monday I returned home to Master and a delightful welcome. Then for some reason I started to feel at loose ends, loosing my calmness and talking to myself. Master had a busy week at work, so we were mostly texting and emailing and leaving voice messages, I kept telling myself to snap out of it...Monday had been so special.

Of course that did not work too well, by Thursday my morning text included that I had had an off week. I had plans for the day with friends, Master called at noon asking what time I would return. He was at work later than usual, but we did manage to meet for a short time. It was mostly cuddling and hugging and chit chat, with his fingers doing a little tugging and pinching and raoming. It was what I needed, I went to bed calmer and slept well.

Today was maintenance day. It rarely is on a Friday, but this was one of those weeks. Master did say, waiting til Friday kind of defeats the purpose and He wants it earlier in the week. I did not exactly set it up, but I had mentioned it in my voice message last Wednesday. He greeted me at the door with a wonderful hug...it did help that I loss 1 pound this week!

Then it was kneeling time, covering my ears with his hands and pushing my face into Him so I could not see, nor hear....just feel His touch reclaiming me, reminding me that He owns all of me. Then it was over His lap for a long, hard hand spanking. Master has a hard hand, but I love the feel, the intimacy of it on my bottom.

He spanked hard and long, I was trying not to squirm, but to keep breathing. It seemed to me He was concentrating on one spot...that spot just below my bottom that seems really tender. When I mentioned He could have spread the spanks around, Master replied that my bottom had gotten smaller and His hand covered all of it...what could I say to that?!

By the time He was done, I could feel myself practically dripping. Master commented on how wet, hot, and swollen I was. His hand is so much better than that acrylic paddle! It did not take long for me to be begging for permission, and for them to just keep on coming..or cumming. Before met Master I wondered what all the hype about orgasms was about...and if I managed 1, I was perfectly happy. Don't try to tell me you can't get better as you get older! Finally I layed over His lap, gasping for breath, sated and content. A perfect end to the week!

abby

It's good to be back home!

2011-04-25T19:16:00.000-07:00

Hello all! I left Boston today, after a rainy, cold week. My little "sweet pea", caught a terrible cold, congestion, runny nose, even a temp. She was a trouper, at 19 months when I would rock her, and comfort her, she would look at me and say...thank you much grandma!

On the days that I travel, I usually text Master when I am ready to leave, and call him when I take a potty break. When I called Him at my stop this afternoon, He told me to come straight to Him, not home to unpack, no stop to get groceries, just right to Him. It made the last part of my drive much more interesting...and a little distracting!

Master greeted me with a big hug! He is just about finished with His bathroom project and about to start a redo of the kitchen! After He filled me on on some of that, it was kneeling time. Lately, He has me close my eyes and he covers my ears, so i am totally focused on Him, on my submission. It is a very calming time.

Then......Master mentioned last Wednesday evening. I...umm...was in a "mood" and let my attitude show. I saw it coming, and instead of pulling it back, just kept on going....like digging yourself a hole, and not being smart enough to stop and try to fill the hole, but you just keep digging.
Disrespect and attitude are never allowed. I apologized right away last week, but knew, although the apology was accepted, I still had a price to pay. I was told to get over the back of the sofa, and felt the coolness of the darn acrylic "paddle". IT HURT....and it was supposed to. I did not get up out of position, but i did raise up a little. After the first few, Master was reminding me that disrespect is expected every day, no matter where I am. I was told to repeat that phrase after each spank...loudly. I did, and after another set Master asked if I had been respectful every day that i was away...a not so loud, "no Sir", was my answer. After a few more Master asked if he needed to continue, a louder "no Sir" was my reply this time.

I was then allowed to go over His lap, for a wonderful welcome back hand spanking. After the spanking, His Hand felt even better than it usually does. Master soon asked if I would like to cum for Him...of course I thought that was a great idea. After usng up several permissions, I was spent, and so gld to be home again!

I did not get a chance to do any blog reading while I was away, but I am going to try and get caught up with all of you in the next couple days!

abby

on the road....again

2011-04-15T19:56:00.000-07:00

I needed this week here at home...some time with Master. It has been calming, replenishing and reassuring.

This afternoon, i got to see the almost finished bathroom, it is quite a room! After we chatted a bit and a little kneeling time, it was over His knee....for a wonderfully long hand...well never quite long enough...spanking. He started over my jeans, then panties, then bottom. He spanked for quite a while, at a slow pace, increasing in intensity, while we chatted. I am leaving tomorrow to return to Boston, for about 10 days. Master reminded me of what He calls my "tool box". It contains all the tools i should use while i am away, to keep me focused. I will admit that i often let some of my routines slip and start to lose focus. Some of the tools, are my daily reports, asking for permissions, texting, calling, a good morning and good night message, a daily task...I am feeling more confident that i will be able to maintain that focus, i do realize that part of being able to, is thinking i can!

On Wednesday, Master had suggested that staying the same was not an option for this coming week, He wanted me to lose. I whined about it, but i agreed today, thinking that i should be staying on track with my eating and maybe some walking is the way to go. I find maintaining more difficult than losing, i tend to go overboard with the treats.

Then master decided that i would get His birthday spanking now, since i will be away on THE day...i am very disappointed about that. His hand birthday spanking was hard and very slow, with me counting out loud. I tried to make Him believe He was younger than He is, but it did not work.
At one point He was doing the current set of 20 all on the same spot, just below my bottom. I was thinkig to myself, You could move them around a little, when Master said, I can hear you thinking that I should move them around a little. I hate it when He can read my mind.....and is right!

When we finally ended with the correct number, Master's talented fingers started to roam....it did not take me long to be asking for permission to cum. Master decides to chat...i also hate that timing...lol.
He said i should cum for Him daily while i am gone. Now i imagine some of you are thinking....lucky girl....but i am not usually a daily type of girl, espicially when i am on my own. I mumbled something about every other day, Master replied, well, you agree to every day, or my fingers stop doing their magic until you get back. I was too far gone to agree to that...as He well knew...so i agreed. The reward was soooo worth it!

We hugged and hugged and said good by. Tonight i filled plastic easter eggs for my granddaughters first easter egg hunt!

Hope you all have a good week....abby

Maintenance.....birthday

2011-04-13T19:20:00.000-07:00

...Today was maintenance day for this week. I had asked Master yesterday for a day, and my choice was today. Usually when i know when, i am calmer, more focused. Today, for some reason i was antsy all day, not for any one particular reason, just more on edge. When i saw Master, His day had not gone well. I suggested we could wait for another day either tomorrow or Friday. But he said no, today is fine. Master views maintenance as a reminder and a deterrant. Today's fell under the deterrant category. He told me to bend over the back of the sofa, one of my least favorite positions and i immediately felt something hard and cold on my bare bottom. With no warm up, He started with stong strokes and it did not take long until i was struggling to stay in place. He put His hand on my back and continued. After a few more i was ouching loudly...this was more that i had expected.
He stopped to rub my bottom and massage my back, asking me why we have maintenance, telling me that to be a deterrant to punishment it had to hurt, i had to remember it. Finally He asked if i was feeling better, i replied for now...He chuckled. Twelve more on each cheek...which meant on the exact same spot. I struggled through the first 12, but did manage to breathe and stay in place. Master always seems to spank harder on one side, and i was hoping the harder said was over with....and it was. The next side was easier to get through, partly because i knew they were the last 12....with the very last one being one to really remember.

We then talked about my being away again next week. Master knows my time with my grand daughters is important to me, and He graciously allows me all the time i need to be away. He said this time, i would have to return having loss weight, not staying the same. I "argued" pointing out why i thought that was impossible. Master was not buying it, since i am already above my goal, i need to get back there. I pleaded some more, and although He did not change His mind, He agreed we could talk about it some more on Friday, after my weigh in.

Birthday...not mine....not Master's....but of maintenance! One year ago tomorrow, I had my first maintenance spanking. There are times in every relationship that are crossroads or turning points, and i consider the start of maintenance to be an important day in my submission to Master.
One year ago today, i was feeling....not all that submissive. For a lot of reasons, i was feeling that Master and i had stopped moving forward, that i was struggling with submission and confused as to why i was struggling, why could i not just be or maintain my submission on my own? No, i did not feel i could discuss this with Master, but on that day i read a blog, that mirrored my feelings, and said it so well. I asked if i could quote the blog in a note to Master. It took me a while to hit the send button, but i sent the note, explaining that this was how i felt.

We met the next day, and Master's first words were....you need maintenance spankings. I immediately denied it, but He said, not it is a great idea. I had often wondered what it would be like to know that you would get spanked every week, not just every second, third or fourth week. I had my first maintenance spanking that week, and Master said they would happen weekly. To be honest i wondered how long the weekly part would last...even though i knew Master was a man of His word and always follows through. So every week for this past year, unless one of us was out of town for the whole week, or my back was out, i have been spanked, at least once. I quickly learned that if i had earned a punishment....it did not replace the maintenance spanking, it was in addition to it, a bit of a surprise.

Maintenance has been good for me, very good.
...Maintenance has helped to quiet the voices that would get into my head, and cause me to doubt, to waver, to get into trouble. Now those voices don't have much of a chance, Master is spanking them away!

...Maintenance has greatly diminished the need for Punishment spankings...the capitol P ones! Master means for them to be a deterrant, and He spanks so they are...i do not need to test or wonder. I can concentrate on pleasing, and that is so much nicer..for both of us , i hope.

...Maintenance has helped me to "relax" into my submission. Not sure i can explain this one, but i feel it has become a real part of me, of the every day me. To worry less about the mechanics , the whens, the ifs, the maybes, just leave those where they belong, in Master's hands.

...Maintenance has also given Master and i more time to talk face to face. Phone conversations, emails and texting are just not the same. We get to share more of our lives, we get to laugh more together, we seem more real life. We were real time Master and submissive, but it somehow did not feel like really part of my every day life, now i know, that i am His, every day, that i am submissive not just when i am getting spanked or whipped or flogged, but i am His submissive all of the time, no matter where i am, or what i am doing.

...All of the above has helped for this past year to be one of many steps forward. After 8 years, i finally cried for Master this year, more than once even! He is not only in my heart, but also in my head, He is my constant companion, mentor, Master.

Finally....THANK YOU Master. You know me better than i know myself. You are willing to give me what i need, You have more than earned my trust, my submission, my love. May this coming year be as good as this past one has been!

a very content abby

finally....

2011-04-11T20:07:00.000-07:00

I am back from a delightful week with an extremely bright 19 month old...not that i am prejudiced! She is talking up a storm, and being a grandma is soooo much more fun than being a mom!

I did struggle, a bit, with staying on track for Master. In my defense, I did not see Him for 10 days before i left, and then i was gone a week. So it was a long dry stretch. Before i leave i always think i will not miss him as much this time and it will be easier, i think i should just face up to the fact...that will probably never happen. He says missing Him is a good thing, and missing Him more just shows that our connection is strong.

I weighed in and reported today, for the first time in over 2 weeks. I was laid up with my back before i left for Boston, so most of that week, i was just trying not to move too much. So no wii or walking for over 2 weeks, and having a daughter in law who loves to cook...well, it was no surprise,,,i gained 2 1/2. I did not think that that was awful, and i told Master that was sorry and that i knew that i had to get back to my goal weight.

This afternoon, i finally got to see Master. After my welcome back hugs, Master's hugs not just a quick squeeze and let's move on, needless to say, they feel soooo good! Then Master said, naked and kneeling please. I slowly got naked, and got into position. Master pressed my eyes shut with His hands, and told me to focus. Just Him and me, nothing else, just us.
He then massaged me into total relaxation..so He could "attack" my nipples, first one then the other. Then it was up and over His knee.

He started with a long hand spanking, starting off slowly and lightly, gaining speed and strength as He continued. His Hand is hard...but oh so wonderful! He then had this paint stick, to stir the paint , it was fairly long, but very thin. I really liked the quick stings, and as Master noticed He chuckled, and said easy....this is a spanking. He went to my thighs and down my legs a bit...just because He can spank me anyplace he pleases, He said. I mentioned He should not get rid of that stick.

Then came time for a serious paddling. I am actually not sure what he used, some type of wood, from his bathroom project...which is looking awesome. He asked if i knew why He had to paddle me...i answered Yes Sir, and would i accept it...again Yes Sir. But, i then asked, what if i had answered no...i was not ready, would He not paddle me. His reply...I would paddle you harder until you were ready, and then give you the original paddling on top of that, so are you ready....i replied quickly, Yes Sir.
There was no lite or slow start this time, and i did manage to stay in place and breathe through it. I was worried since it had been a while, but the warm up helped, and i did want to be good for Him. He then reminded me, that letting me get away with a gain would only lead me to doubts, and wondering if i could get away with more. He is probably correct about that.

Then came my real welcome, with His fingers reaching between my legs, and finding me very ready, bringing me right to the edge. When he pulled out i groaned, he chuckled. Then i felt that paint stick, and Master saying, lt's see if you can cum while i am spanking you. I honestly did not think so, but He had me well primed and ready, and that paint stick, does give a delicous sting, as Master increased the speed i was in the rhythm with Him, and soon i was going over that edge. Master was very pleased, and He proceeded to bring on a few more orgasms, i am not sure the number...but let's say my "dry spell" was wiped out! One thing that surpises me is how loud i sometimes get, that is just not me. When i told master i was sorry for being so loud, he said He loved the wanton me, it was a wonderful compliment to Him....as long as the neighbors don't start complaining.

So i am back, where i belong. I am ready to get back to that goal weight, and to be the submissive that Master deserves....now if only spring would put in an appearance.

linda

no good ouches this week...

2011-04-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

The good news is my back is finally feeling better, I no longer wake up every time I try to roll over in bed, and it feels much looser, and I can even bend....carefully! A couple commentors suggested a chiropractor, think I am going to look one up, thanks!

The not so good news, is no good..or any...spanks this week. It has been a long time since I have been home for a week, and have not been spanked. It has become part of my routine, and yes...i miss it!

I am off to Boston tomorrow. Going to help my son and daughter in law with some babysitting for my 18 month old grand-daughter, and my sister and I are going to take my mom on an overnight casino trip. I am looking forward to both of those, even though it means another week with no spanks.
I know I am blessed that my children want me around, and that I have the time and ability to help them out. Grandchildren are truly a wonderful blessing! I will be away for about a week, and hopefully by the time I return spring will have arrived!

abby

OUCH...but not the "good kind"

2011-03-30T11:32:00.000-07:00

It was a wonderful birthday weekend. My granddaughter is quickly becoming a little girl, no longer a baby. She was very excited over her birthday weekend, did not have any "meltdowns", and loved every gift she received. My son and daughter in law in Boston, announced that they are also expecting a new addition in the late fall. So, by the end of this year, I will have doubled my grandchild count!...How exciting!

The one "clink" was by me. I felt my back twitch several times over the weekend, but managed to just ignore it. The last nite we were there, I tried to roll over in bed... and big OUCH, from my back, down my leg. It was a long nite, the next morning, it took me 15 minutes to figure out how to get out of bed. I did get out of sharing the driving...but driving would have been much more fun. I am slowly getting better...much too slowly. I can sleep all night, and as long as I don't bend and move slowly I can move around during the day.

I am really hoping that I can get a "good" ouch from Master soon, since i am leaving Sunday for Boston to help with my 18 month old granddaughter, and to see my mom. It is my dad's birthday that week, so my sister and i have planned to do something special with her.

abby...who is still waiting for spring weather to arrive!

Big party weekend!

2011-03-24T18:08:00.000-07:00

I am excited that i will be partying this weekend! No not a munch or a spanking party, or anything do to with spanking....my granddaughter turns 3!
She is sooo excited, she has called me twice this week,to be sure i don't forget. She wants a cake...with the letters C A K E on it...today i teased and said grandma put on k e a c...she said that does not spell cake grandma! She wants balloons, ice cream and surprises! My son and his family are also driving to the party from Boston, so we will all be together. Looks like a hectic, busy, wonderful time!

I did see Master today, for a reminder, weekend maintenance spanking...not sure why every spanking needs a title. He's been working on a complete re-do of a bathroom, is getting close to being finished and it is beautiful. But lately, everytime i get spanked it seems to be with some leftover piece of material! I can't wait for Him to start putting the towels in place!

Today's "gem" was a piece of acrylic something...He gave me the technical name i just can't remember. He used the other part of it for a shelf in the shower. So, after some kneeling time, i went ovet His lap, and He started with my clothes on, a few with His hand, then this big sting! I put my head up and tried to see what He was using. He showed me and i moaned. We worked our way to my bare bottom, and that thing packs a wallop! Much more sting that any of the leftover pieces of wood He has been using. The last 10 were very hard! As i was squirming, He said, these can't be that hard or any worse than wood...in my head i am saying then let's try them on You and You can judge! I have learned to keep those conversations in my head, at least most of the time.

When He was done He said i took that well....like i had a choice! i did get nicely rewarded, with Master checking and playing and rubbing til i just had to have a permission or 2. Actually it seemd like one very long orgasm, just more and more and more. Finally when i calmed down, i asked for another...which i rarely do. Master chuckled and said, oh...more than one....even when it is a never ending one? When Master and i first started on this journey, i always told Him 1 was enough...more than enough...He only listened to me the first couple of times, before he decided how many was enough.

We chatted a bit about the coming weekend and staying in touch, and that the maintaining part of the diet does not take a break. Master hates to go backwards. As i was leaving i told Master to be sure to put that acrylic thingy in the recycle bin!

Hope you all have a great weekend....and i will be enjoying party time with my 2 sweet granddaughters!

abby

Needing maintenance, asking

2011-03-22T19:12:00.000-07:00

One of the things that i was unprepared for when i started on this journey was the feeling of neediness that seemed to overcome me. Being needy was not something i ever considered a good thing, i was in control, in charge of my life, there was no room for such feelings. I did not know how to deal with those feelings, and tried very hard to ignore them, banish them, pretend they were not a part of me.

Master has helped me to understand that needing Him is a natural feeling. Nothing to be ashamed of, not a sign of weakness, just a part of "me". Asking for what i need, is hard for me. Master keeps telling me, just ask...yeah just. I don't know, maybe a part of me still feels like it is a weakness.

I started this week in a "funk". It was a tough weekend, dealing with family matters, and a few other concerns. I gained 1/2 pound yesterday, which Master was ok with...it put me right at my goal. I knew yesterday that i "needed" to see Master, but decided not to mention it. He has a full plate, and i just did not feel right asking.

Today, i knew i was on shaky gound. The first thing i thought of this morning, was i need maintenance. When i let Master know of my plans for the morning, i did not mention it. I called after i had been out to breakfast with friends, left a message saying i would try calling later. I did, and this time did not leave a message.

Master called me back and after some chatting, i mentioned that "m' word. He said, we could stick to Wednesdays, and i was silent. Or, He continued, we could meet today. Today would be good i quickly said, thinking i wonder if He was reading my mind again?

After the usual kneeling time, Master decided to change things a little. Maintenance has been over His knee with a small paddle for quite a while now. As i was waitng for Him to sit, so i could climb over His knee, He told me to bare my bottom and lean over the back of the sofa. I groaned, He smiled. One of my least favorite, and hardest to stay in positions. When i had walked in i had seen a piece of wooden molding by the sofa, so i moved it and put my coat over it.....just in case.

Master is looking for something, as i am getting ready. He asks if i saw a piece of molding, and did i move it. I sort of just give Him a smile. He leaves and quickly returns with a larger and much heavier piece of wood. Your choice He says, i quickly remember where that piece of molding "disappeared" to.

He gives me a hard whack with it, and it HURT. After the second one i start to stand, He reminds me to stay in place, i reply it really hurts. After the next one He says i am only going to give you 12. Knowing how many usually helps me to get through them. This time, i say, no way, not 12, they hurt. Master's reply is you don't like 12, ok we will go for 18, as He whacks me again. I quickly am telling Him how much i love the idea of 12, and please can the number be 12? Luckily, He agrees.

My ouching gets louder. Master remarks that maybe it is because there was no warm up. Hearing that, i have several answers swirling in my head, but i remember i am over the sofa, and He is holding wood, so i choose to stay quiet...a hard learned lesson.

Finally, He is done...and He tells me to stay in place while, He starts to get me to relax, before He gets me avey "unrelaxed", and asking for permissions. When we are done, He has us move to the sofa, where He tells me to lay across His lap and He will rub the sting away. It is relaxing, and comforting, and soon those darn tears are showing up. We talk about them a bit, and Master ecnourages me to talk about what i have been struggling with. I am not ready to do that, so Master starts talking about when We first met, and thanks me fo agreeing to meet Him....He so knows how to make me feel better.

Now i am going to let in on my big DUH moment...hopefully for a long time! I get out to my car, am clicking my keys and my car is not unlocking. My "unlock" button has been erratic, lately , but i have always been able to get it to work. I cannot get the door unlocked, not matter h ow fast or hard i click the thing. I go back to ask Master for help, He is on the phone so i go outside to continue clicking. Master comes out, and the clicking is not working for Him either. He looks at me with a big grin as i am getting upset, and takes th key and puts it in the key hole and unlocks the darn door....Oh "&*^%" i am thinking, how come i did not think of that! Using the key...who would have thunk?? Master thought it was hilarious, i ...well i was more than a little embarrassed.

abby, who will never forget about using the key again!

Reached my goal!!!!

2011-03-18T18:28:00.000-07:00

Hurrah for me...when i weighed in this morning i was able to report to Master a loss...and i had (finally) reached my goal! I have lost 60 pounds, it has taken forever, but I DID IT!!!

I knew i had a good week this week. I was focused on all the right things, i stayed calmed, no voices egging me on, and just feeling good about "me".

I have more to lose, but i am going to try and maintain for a bit. I say try, but Master was strong in pointing out this afternoon, that He does not allow going backwards (gaining), if i want some wriggle room, i need to build some in. Also in the past, i have not done well with maintaining, i have a different mindset, and think, oh i can have a little ice cream, fast food, just once a week won't hurt.....etc...etc. So, wish me luck!

When i saw Master this afternoon, He was as pleased as i was. I have asked before to cut back to 1 weigh in a week, and always have been denied. So today i thought i would not ask, i would just just say, now i can return to 1 weigh in a week.....denied again! He said everything stays the same, when you are successful, you stay with the same things. So much for that bubble.

As always, we started with kneeling time. He was standing behind me and reached over to "maul" my breast. I flinched and groaned, He claimed i would miss it if He did not entertain "the girls". I doubt i am the one who would be missing it. Then it was over His lap for a quick spanking. I was very surprised when He told me to stand.

He then told me to sit on Him, facing forward. I hesitated trying to figure out what he was thinking, when He told me to SIT. He then had me spread my legs as far apart as i can. He reaches around me and starts at my breast and works His way down. He tells me to lean back and relax. I manage to lean back into Him, but relaxing when Master's fingers are working their magic? I was soon asking...begging ...for permission, which Master quickly grants, and then another.

Then i am truly relaxing, leaning back on Master feeling like we are totally connected. Master had surprised me with something new, and although i was hesistant at first, i loved the feeling of it. Maybe part of it is that i never considered myself small enough to sit on someone's lap and fit.

A good week, ending with a great Friday. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

abby

"Repercussion" ??

2011-03-16T17:46:00.000-07:00

On Monday while i was over Master's lap, we had this discussion. He had used the word repercussion to mean a good result or consequence. I qestioned that and said i thought it only meant a bad outcome. We debated a bit, i said i would look it up and let Him know He was wrong...pretty brave in that position! Well, i looked it up in several places, and............
Master was right...go figure! It is merely a consequence of actions, altho most of the time the connotation is negative.

Also, after Master read my blog on Monday, i was informed that He used a cedar shake, not plank on my bottom. He said there is a big difference in size and He is not a brute!

Today was Maintenance day. After my kneeling time, we sat and talked over a coupe family issues i have coming up that will cause me to be away, and the worries that they entail. Then it was over His lap, my bottom was still tender from Monday, it did not take long before i was squirming and ouching. Master was using the compact, but thick wooden brush. Happily the spanking was short, and Master was soon soothing and rubbing, and "checking". It still amazed me how quickly He can get me from 0 to full speed ahead! After a couple permissions, He took pity on me and let me breathe and come back to calmness.

I told Master today, i don't tell Him enough, how thankful i am that He is in my life. When we met, i was hoping to find someone who might be willing to spank me once. I never thought He would take me on this magical, wonderful journey! He always says it is a 2 sided coin, and He is as lucky, i guess that makes us both lucky!

abby

Mondays report...

2011-03-14T18:10:00.000-07:00

Last Friday i reported a 1 pound loss, only 1/2 pound away from my goal. Master was as pleased as i was, and said He would see me later that day. I was sort of surprised since i had just had my maintenance spanking the day before. Later that day i got a call from a good friend i had not seen in a while, saying she had the "KACHIING" itch. Our code work for Casino time! One of my few (?) vices...gong to a casino. I have not been in months, and i was free, except for Master. So i text Him, and He said come right over and then you may go. It was a quick visit, He wanted to be sure i stayed focused over the weekend, and there was a quick hand spanking. He asked about my limit for losing, i hemmed and hawed...i hate having a pre arranged limit. But we agreed on a number, and i went to meet my friend. Yes i did lose to my limit, but we had a great time, and it was wonderful to see my friend again. Master text me early Saturday morning, to see if i was treating for lunch...lol..no luck!

Today my weigh in was plus 1/2. I figured it was only 1/2 pound and over the weekend so no problem. I text Master, adding i will be extra good this week. His reply...you will be sore this week. When i read His reply i immediately got pouty, it was the weekend, and only !/2 pound, He is being mean. I sort of spouted to myself all morning, and when we talked, He just said, it was not what He expects and He would see me this afternoon.

Going into a spanking, especially a possible punishment one, with resentment and attitude is not a good thing. It has happened, and it just prolongs the spanking, until i let it all go. So i kept telling myself, let it go, He is in charge, you know He gives very little wriggle room, and it is because of Him that you are close to having lost 60 pounds!

When i got to Master, i was not pouting, but i was quiet. He asked several times what was wrong, i kept saying nothing. You are too quiet, quiet is not good, He said. I finally said i was upset that i had dissapointed Him. After some kneeling time, i was over His lap. We were chatting, discussing the meaning of a word that we disagreed on. I said i would look it up and let Him know i was right. He chuckled, and soon i was laughing and smiling, as He said, you were pretty determined not to laugh or smile when you walked in here. He was right, He had succeeded in dispelling most of my "bad mood". He also told me this was not punishment, He was not upset with me, maybe He just wanted an excuse to spank me. I looked at Him...You need an excuse?

He kindly started with a hand warm-up, and slowly peeled off my layers of clothing. He had a cedar plank that He was going to use. (I did not know what it was until i asked Master). It was thin and light, but very stingy. After a few sets, Master asked how long it took me to lose my limit. He then gave me a fast volley on one cheek. When He was done i said, that was 1/2 my limit right? He said Yup, and the other cheek gets the last half. They were fast, take your breath away swats.

I assumed he was finished. When i started to move, He informed me He was not done, my cheeks were barely pink. I guess i will start having to put make up on all my cheeks! He pulled me in close to Him, and finished with a long hard flurry. That cedar plank went into the recycle bin, but i would not mind feeling it again...much nicer than most of Master's wood toys.

On the way out, Master said, You were right. I don't need a reason to spank you, just an itchy palm.

I felt much better when i got home, you have to love someone who can make you smile and laugh, when you think that is the last thing you want to do.

abby

I give you enough rope to......

2011-03-10T19:22:00.000-08:00

Master will occasionally say to me, i give you enough rope and watch. He says this when i have been pushing the rules a bit, when i start to think i have control or can make certain decisions on my own, or when i am just being a "little" pushy. Doesn't sound like me at all, does it? It used to be, that the outcome of all that rope, was not a hanging, but a very unhappy Master, which of course translates into an unhappy me. This time, i realized what was happening in time to prevent "the hanging".

For some reason i have not had a good week. The worse part was i could not figure out why i was feeling unconnected or out of sorts, just not right. Things have been going well with Master, last Friday was awesome, i just could not figure it out. Maybe some kind of "sub drop", maybe worry over my daughter's pregnancy, maybe just me being crazy.

Today was Thursday and i had not brought up the word "maintenance" yet this week. It is one of my tasks that i am to check our schedules, and make it happen. I kept waiting, hoping i would magically get rid of my uneasy feelings, trying to find a way to deal with them myself. No, i did not mention them to Master. This morning i knew my week was running out, and i was not being successful in "fixing myself". So, i asked Master about maintenance and mentioned my feelings. He said He would see me during His lunch time.

After our hugs, Master started by saying, you know I was giving you enough rope.....I know i said, i just felt i should not be feeling the way i was. He reminds me that feelings are feelings, not right or wrong, they are my feelings. I told Him i was trying to deal with them myself, He gave me a look, and asked how well that was working for me.

Then it was over His knee, starting with a hand spanking, over clothing, progressing to a paddle on my bare bottom. This was a different paddle, smaller, but much heavier, lots more thud. He started slowly and built up in tempo and force. I was trying very hard to stay still, not kick up my legs, not try to get away, to keep breathing, and stay in place. Master even commented on the fact that i was trying very hard to be good. Then , He is stretching my skin, reaching for that spot between my bottom and my thighs, that tender spot, that reminds me, much later that i have been spanked. He slows down the pace, way slow, but increases the force, and i get 10 on each side. By the end, i am ouching out loud, but staying in place. Master finishes by reminding me He is here for me, and not to wait so long again to ask for His help....or to schedule my maintenance.

Then His fingers are roaming, and i am soon moaning. He is talking to me, and i am responding, but to be honest i cannot recall the conversation. I finally hear Him tell me to cum for Him, and i do...again and again. I say, no more...and He chuckles and continues, til He has found few more for me. I am laying spent over His lap, relaxed, at ease, submissive, calm, and thankful.

He then tells me to kneel between His legs. He reaches for my breasts, can't leave these out...i groan, but know He will do as He wishes. Finally He tells me to put my head on His chest, i reach my arms out to hug Him and He tells me to put them behind me. I am to fall into Him, giving up control. The lesson is not loss on me. After a bit, i get to hug Him, we chat a little, and Master has to return to work.

I spend my afternoon shopping, relaxed, knowing that i am not in control, that "me" is back, and i am thankful.

Have a great weekend everyone!
abby

Monday's report on Tuesday

2011-03-08T05:44:00.000-08:00

Good morning all! I am soooooo ready for spring, please NO MORE snow!!!!

I was a little worried about my weigh in yesterday. One of my granddaughters sent me chocolate covered chocolate chip cookies, my sister sent me chocolate covered fruit, and my daughter made me a chocolate mocha cake, served with coffee chocolate chunk ice cream! Most of it is still here, I am bringing the cookies to my book club today!

I was very excited to be able to report to Master that i had stayed the same. Hopefully i can manage to continue to resist the temptation, or figure someway to get the rest of it out of the house. I love the chocolate covered orange slices, so i am allowing myself 2 of those a day.

Have a good week, everyone!
abby

A leatherlicious birthday!

2011-03-04T19:02:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday. I know what you are all wondering....and i will only admit to...over 50! I had a great day, the first thing i saw when i woke up was a birthday message from Master. My almost 3 year old grand daughter sang her greeting to me, and the 18 month old put together Happy birthday Grandma....that must have taken a lot of coaching. I heard from friends and my mom and sister, and my daughter took me out to dinner.

The best part of today was this afternoon. I have been spanked more this past year than any other. Many of them are fairly quick events, and it has been a while since Master and i both had the time to just take an afternoon and play, snuggle, and enjoy each other. Master text me this morning to say this afternoon was our time.

Master has a lovely set of wrist and ankle cuffs...leather on the outside, and a soft wooly lining! As soon as He puts them on me, my whole head space screams submissive. He put them on me this afternoon, as i was kneeling for Him. After He had reclaimed all of me....paying special attention to my breasts, it was play time! First order of business is an OTK hand birthday spanking. I get as many as my age..and one to grow on. That will be the standard for every "toy" that He uses today.

I get on the bed, on my tummy, arms and legs spread wide, the way Master positions them. He starts me off with a wonderful massage, rubbing and kneading and pushing every single knot and all the tension out. He has such wonderful hands, that are very talented! Master starts the session with the large leather flogger. My absolute favorite spanking toy!
He drags the leather strips up and down my legs, back, arms, all of me. It is the best feeling. Then, He uses the flogger on my back, one stroke for each year of life. The strokes are medium strength, and i am so turning to jello.

Then i feel the sting of Master's single tail whip. He claims to like all of His toys equally, but i think this is His favorite. It is leather, but definately leather with a big sting to it. It always takes me by surpise, and wakens all my senses. My back feels like it is very hot and stingy when He finishes, and He takes the time to rub out some of the sting.

I am actually a little fuzzy as to what comes next. I think it was a paddle that warmed up my bottom to match my back. Then it is the crop, it reaches many places, and i love the feel of it. Then Master says...sunny side up...time for me to roll over on my back. I always hesitate. Being on my tummy allows me to feel somewhat hidden, i guess, on my back, i feel much more open and vulnerable. I have learned to take a deep breath and turn over.

The flogger and the whip are repeated, i find it more difficult to relax, and keep reminding myself to breathe. When He is done Master uses His hand to pull, tug, and pinch my breast. I start to move my hands, but He reminds me to stay in position. After each of the toys, He "checks" to see if i am enjoying myself, after each check He chuckles and says "yup".
He also uses His hand to spank my pussy, which i know i react positively to.

Back on my back, and the flogger makes another appearance, this time Master uses it with much more force. Then Master is sitting on the bed, next to me, using the cane close up. I ouch a little and He says its my fault for having so many birthdays! The large leather strop is next, i think, and i am once again melting at the feel of the leather.

Back on my back, Master's fingers are roaming and teasing. He decides to fill me with His hand, a mixture of pain , then pleasure. He is patient and consistent, and i do my best to stay relaxed. I feel Him filling me, owning me, being a part of me. I hear Him telling me to cum for Him, and i obey, not sure how many times. He withdraws his hand and stimulates me with His fingers, making me cum until the tears are falling, and i am once again crying. The walls have fallen, the layers stripped away, and he is there to reassure me.

He crawls in to me, telling me to find my "safe" place....burried into his furry, fuzzsy chest, i go to Him and nuzzle into His chest, and we both just relax and enjoy being in the moment. Eventually we chat about our time together. I tell Him, He has taken me to places i never thought i would get to, and some places i never even imagined. How lucky i am....and He reminds me, as He always does, that He is also lucky. I have worked hard to become open to Him, to not let the layers and walls that i built separate us, to destroy them, to let go and let Him in.

After some more quiet time, Master says it is time for my last spanking. He tells me to get up, hands on the bed, bottom up and out. I am puzzled, but i do. Then i feel the distinct coolness of a fairly large paddle. I don't say anything but get myself ready. He lands the first smack and it HURTS! I say a loud ouch, but stay in position. Then Master says, that was your one to grow on, we are done, as He is laughing. I am not sure if i should hug or hit Him, but the hug wins out.

It was a wonderful way to spend my birthday afternoon. Having more birthdays, is not necessarily all about getting older!

abby

Wednesday's maintenance spanking

2011-03-02T19:08:00.000-08:00

I went to Master early this afternoon for my weekly maintenance spanking.
I have come to regard maintenance as a glue that keeps our bond strong...and strengthens it when it starts to weaken. Yes, i get spanked, and Master believes maintenance needs to hurt to be effective, but we also get get a chance to talk things out, face to face, or sometimes bottom to face! It is a time of reconnection and of closeness.

As always, we start with me kneeling before Him as He claims my body. Lately He has been focusing on reclaiming my breast, which causes me to really focus on submitting. He pulls me into Him, so my face is smushed against His stomach, breathing in His scent. I am breathing deeply, becoming calm and focused.

Then it is over His knee, for the spanking part. He starts with His hand, for a short warm-up. Too soon, He is reaching for the bath brush. He starts off fairly slowly, but it quickly gets painful, more quickly than i expect. Maybe it is because i was just spanked on Monday. My legs start to kick up, and i get a warning that my thighs could be the target and i quiet my legs.
Master asks why we have maintenance, and i tell Him, to keep me on track, to remind me of my submissiveness, to keep from Him having to punish me.

The spanking is over fairly quickly, as Master's fingers start to roam. He likes to check to see if, at least part of me, is enjoying this. Of course He claims to find that evidence, and soon i am too busy asking for a permission to dispute that fact. After getting to the begging stage, i am granted a few permissions. We then quietly talk, as He rubs and massages and helps me to a safe "landing".

As i was sitting here earlier, thinking about this afternoon, all i could think of is how lucky i am. A Master who provides what i need, who takes care of me, who pushes me to be better, who has turned my life around, who has opened me to so many new ideas and sensations...
Thank You Master!

abby

Mondays report

2011-02-28T18:46:00.000-08:00

Master and i are finally both back in town. My week with my granddaughter was lots of fun. She is bright, funny, caring, and entertaining...no i am not a biased grandma! But i am happy to be back, to be "me" again.

I weighed in this morning....plus 1 and 1/2 pounds. I was not surprised, but i hated to report to Master. For a second i thought...He would never know if.....but that was really not an option. So i gave Him my report, and He replied..we won't let this ruin your homecoming. I smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.

This afternoon we started off with hugs and some catching up talk. Master then went to get some "toys" and told me to kneel. So i did. He walked back in , looked at me, and said, "You are not naked?" I looked up and said i did not hear that...i really had not. I quickly got up, got naked and knelt back down. Master was re-claiming all of me, rubbing and massaging all of me, and i was slowly breathing Him in, relaxing, finding "me", and feeling like i had come back home. Then He starts in on my nipples. Stretching, pulling, tugging, smushing....pinching, and not letting go, reminding me to keep my hands behind me. I am starting to squirm, and He is pinching harder, finally he says, count to 5 loudly. I count loudly and very quickly. He looks and says too fast..and does not let go.... so i start again, just as loud, but much more slowly. He finally lets go of the nipples, and has me get up.

I go over His knee, for a wonderful long hand spanking. I am really back, it has been too long. Master's hand is all over my bottom, the spanks are quick and hard. His hand travels to my thighs, those spanks are not as hard, but are a reminder that He will spank me there, and i will feel it more.

His fingers then start to roam, to see if i am "enjoying" my spanking...and yes, of course i am. It takes less than 2 mimutes for Him to get me groaning and squirming, He is reminding me i need permission, and i still have the rest of my spanking to go before i get a permission.

He withdraws his fingers, and reaches for the bath brush. I tense a little, and He uses the bristle side all over. I instantly relax again. He says that this is not a Punishment, but a reminder that He is not pleased with the fact that i gained. He is fairly lightly spanking me, and He asks how far i am from my goal. I tell Him 2 and 1/2 pounds. He starts another round with the brush, this one harder and longer. When He is done He asks if i was expecting a basement trip, i honestly say no. I was expecting some type of punishment, but not all punishment. He says that round was for 1 pound, now for the second pound. I say i had only gained 1 1/2, He says but i am 2 1/2 away from my goal. This round is equally hard and long. Then a little more rubbing with the bristle side, til He starts in again for payment for the last 1/2 pound. This round is much harder, and i am ouching loudly by the end. Finally...it is the end.

Master's fingers are quickly picking up where they left off. I am still amazed at how quickly he can get me from 0 to full speed and asking for permissions. After my second permission, He reminds me that i am not using my manners and should be saying please and thank you...i can hardly breathe, but i manage to be polite. After my third permission, Master says to save one for tonight. I lay over His lap for a while, he is gently rubbing my bottom and i am coming back to earth, and so relaxed.

We end with more kneeling time, this time with my head on Master's lap, while we chat. He reminds me to start up my daily reports, and that i need to ask for permission before making plans to go away and be specific about how long and where i will be, and that 2 weeks is too long. It is too long, and hopefully those long trips will be at a minimum this year.
Master then says that He wants to schedul maintenance for Wednesday, since He wants to save Friday. (Friday is my birthday!)

I am back where i belong, i am breathing freely, my "voices" have been banished, my Master has worked His magic...Thank You Master!

abby

a "grandma" report

2011-02-22T19:08:00.000-08:00

There was no Monday report this week, since there was no weigh in.
I am in NJ babysitting...um..playing with my almost 3 year old granddaughter.

On Sunday we went in to NYC, had lunch at a family style Italian restaurant...it was fabulous! We saw "Billy elliot"...fabulous again. It was a delightful adult day!

My granddaughter and i have been spending our days completing craft projects, playing games, being silly and baking. She loves the cooking part, has me read the recipes, and calls herself my assissitant chef. Today we made snaky hot dogs for lunch,,,a real hit. Then for an afternoon snack frozen chocolate sprinkled bananas...she was in charge of the sprinkles...only took me about an hour to clean her and the kitchen! But she could not wait to tell mom and dad about her day with grandma!

Hope you are having 1/2 as much fun as i am this week...
abby

TGIF

2011-02-18T17:27:00.000-08:00

It's been a draggy kind of week. When Master is away the days seem longer. I always start by telling myself i won't miss Him as much this time...and it seems i miss Him more.

On the bright said, giving the whoopie pies a new home was a great idea. I weighed in this morning and loss the pound and a half i had gained on Monday! So i am back to 1 pound away from my goal!

Problem is, i am leaveing early tomorrow morning (yes before Master returns), for NJ to spend some time with my almost 3...going on at least 12...year old grand daughter. She is one of those innately funny little ones, who constantly surprises you. She cannot wait to see what "grandma" has planned for our cooking time each day! (alphabet bread sticks, silly snake dogs, bunny pancakes, crackerpillars are a few of the goodies!)

On Sunday my daughter and son in law are taking me to NYC for lunch and a show...an early birthday gift! I love musicals, so i am really looking forward to it.

Be good all....well not necessarily good....lol
hugs, abby

Rules and Expectations

2011-02-16T18:58:00.000-08:00

There are lots of reasons i am glad i discovered blogs. One of them is how interesting it is to read how others structure their relationships. I know that each of us has to find our own way, and we have our unique way of exercising this power exchange. I often find myself thinking, wow, i could never ...or hmmm..maybe i should try hinting to Master. Since Master is away and i am a little bored, i thought i would share with all of you my rules and expectations, and how they came to be. I have been thinking about this all day, a little worried that i might forget one..or two...and Master would find a way to remind me...but here goes.

I have rules and expectations. Once in a while Master will say...don't make Me make that a rule. Early on, i would think what's the difference. The difference is a rule is more like enforced submission, an expectation is freely given. Broken rules mean punishment, unmet expectations bring about disappointment...for both of us.

My rules have developed over time. I am going to try to give them in chronological order.

1. Master gets an emailed report every night. This was a rule even before we started with D/s. He was helping me to exercise and lose weight for my daughter's wedding. My report was really simply a food journal that i mailed to Him, nightly. I still send Him that food journal, but i now add any news or parts of my day we have no discussed, how much time on the wii, if i have taken my meds, and what task i have done for Him. Not sending one occasionally is not a big deal, missing 2 in a row is a big deal. I also have to report my weigh-in. We started with once a week, it is now twice, Mondays and Fridays. I keep asking to go back to once, but looks like that will not happen.

2. When we moved to M/s the first rule was: no cumming without persmission. If i was on my own, or with Him. I have not been punished for breaking this rule in quite a while. I learned quickly that this was an important one for Him, always Punishable. I also quickly learned that saying "no thanks" when He text me to cum, was positively not a good idea!

3. "Queen of Sarcasm" was a nicknamed i earned in many circles. It was a good survival tool in my junior high classroom. Respect and NO sarcasm allowed was also one of my first rules. I will admit it took me a while to learn that saying some things just in your head is a great strategy. I still occasionally struggle with attitude, i don't view that as a matter of disrespect, Master disagrees.

4. I am to keep myself "clean shaven". Master shaved me the first time, i was so embarrassed, but it was also so sexy! I wish He would do it again. The only time that i run into a problem with this one is when i am away for over a week. I tend to let it go, recently Master has surprised me be starting to ask for pictures.

5. A rule that Master started about a year and a half ago is that i have to ask for permission before i drive any place. If i want to walk, i can go, otherwise, i ask. This rule started when i got into trouble for deciding that since i did not think that Master was interested, i did not need to continue with certain rules. He was not pleased, go figure! So this rule resulted, He explained we would be in touch more during the day, and i would be reminded that i am not in charge. It sounds more restrictive than it is, actually. I just about never get a no, and He is very good at quickly replying to my texts. Yes i have to ask even if i am away, or if i have company here.

An expectation was added to this rule, when Master thought i was taking advantage of a possible loop hole. I would ask for permission for as many places as i wanted to go to, and if i did not get to all of them, i figured i had permission for the next day...or whenever. Master noticed, so i now also text Him if i do not get to all the places i asked permission for. Also, no blanket....can i go run errands...i need to be specific. This rule/expectation really does remind me very day that i am not in charge.

6. An expectation is that i text Him a good night message every night. This started when i was struggling with something and Master would text me before bed, to sleep well or to "tuck me in". I liked ending my day that way, so it is now an expectation that i text Him before bed.

7. Master expects me to set up a time for maintenace spankings that occur once a week. Maintenance spankings started almost a year ago, when i emailed Master about feelings of "neediness" and my "voices". His answer was maintenance. To be honest, i was not sure how long it would last, but i should learn to not doubt. Every week that we are both in town, there is maintenance, even if there has been a punishment or reward or just some fun times. I am to set it up, as a way of getting better at asking for what i need. I am not sure that is happening, but setting up maintenance is getting easier for me.

I think i have covered everything....hmmm i hope so!

abby

Whoopie Pies!!!

2011-02-14T10:47:00.000-08:00

Master is away this week, and although i miss Him already, I had a not so good weigh in this morning, so i have this week to make it up.

It is not really my fault. I am blaming it on the whoopie pies! For those of you not from New England or more specifically, Maine, whoopie pies, are related to devil dogs. They have nothing to do with making whoopie, althought they are almost as good! They are traditionally a soft, moist chocolate cookie cake top and bottom filled with a rich sweet vanilla buttercream frosting. (See why it is all their fault!)

My wonderful son and daughter in law in Boston sent me a package from Wicked Whooppie Pies for Valentine's day. Now i have never tasted a bakery or store bought whoopie pie that comes close to the home made ones. The home made ones are the kind of recipe that takes all afternoon, and dirties everyting in the kitchen...but soo worth it.

Anyway, i tasted one of the these Wicked ones...and OH MY...heavenly!!!
And, they had the traditional ones, some with a chocolate chip cookie, a double chocolate one, and a maple one....all to die for. The were also huge...like at least twice the size of the ones i would make. Seeing their size i decided i would only eat 1/2....at a time. And of course i had to taste each of the varieties...they were a gift! Did i mention that when i finally decided to check on the calorie count...800 per pie...that would be 400 for each half i enjoyed.

So this morning i packed up the rest of those tasty treats and sent them with my daughter to share with the family she nannies for...and to keep them there!

May you someday get to taste a "wicked whoopie pie"....amd may i be satisfied with just the memory for a long time to come!
abby

i hate thinking up titles.....

2011-02-10T18:55:00.000-08:00

Sorry, but i have been sitting here trying to think of some different way to say Maintenance day...and i give up.

When i spoke to Master this morning, i metioned that we still had to have a maintenance day this week. I am supposed to check schedules and make sure that maintenance happens....otherwise, maintenance becomes the dreaded P word. I was expecting Him to say Friday afternoon, which was great with me, since i am still sore from My Punishment spanking on Tuesday. Of course, what He said was, this afternoon.

After our greetings and chat, i casually said that You will have to take it easy,l i am still sore from Tuesday, He chuckled, and said, i guess you should not earn a punishment spanking then. As i looked, there it was, the bath brush. He did start off with His hand, which i was able to relax into and let go. When He switched to that %^%$# bath brush, it took only a very few strokes, before my bottom was on fire. It was not the hardest maintenance spanking i have ever had, but it did not need to be. He gave me 2 quick sets, of maybe 30 or 40 each...i always try to count and never manage to be able to.

Then it was play time...the heat on my bottom, being replaced with heat some place much more enjoyable! i even got a permission to take home with me. We also talked about the next 2 weeks, Master is gone for week one and i will be gone by the time He returns for the next week. He always reminds me...not matter where He is or i am....He is still my Master I am still His....His submissive...Only His...Totally His....sometimes 2 weeks seems like a very long time.

abby

scratch one New Year's resolution

2011-02-08T18:27:00.000-08:00

My new year's resolution to submit more gracefully came to an end today. I am sitting with a very sore bottom, and shaking my head at my actions this afternoon. Attitude..i had it, stubborness...yes that too....submission...sadly, not so much.

When i text Master this morning about my plans for this afternoon, He told me He would let me know if i had permission, depending on what time He would be available. He knew i wanted to be some place at 3, by 2:30 i had not heard from Him, so i called and said i would be late and might not make it at all. He text me at 2:45 what i was doing? I replied waiting, but i was not happy...What did He think i was doing? Was He testing me? My already not so great mood, took a definate turn for the worse.

I walked in asking, not so nicely, if this afternoon was a test? Did He expect to find me gone? Would that have been OK? His raised eye brow and quick reply should have warned me. But sometimes , a girl is too far gone to heed a warning. He asked me what happened over the weekend that i gained 2 pounds. After a hesitation, i simply said i don't know.
He held the basement door open and pointed. I hesitated, til i heard a loud NOW.

Master is an expert scolder. He is loud, He has a lot to say, and He makes His point very clear. I was told to lean over and grab the seat of a wooden chair, and NOT to let my hands leave that seat or He would start over. He pulled me pants/panties down. The first swat took my breath away. He does not stop scolding, just because He is spanking. The spanking was slow, but extremely hard...He was using a large peice of wood. I move my feet, He reminds me to keep my hand on the seat...my loud reply was they are there! He stopped to remind me that gaining 2 pounds over a weekend meant i did not even try, i put all my eating rules on a shelf. He does not believe in going backwards, and will not let me go backwards. Finally He said 3 more, pulled down my pants more and said if i moved my hands or feet, they would be on my thighs. When He announces only 3 more, it is a relief, but with the knowledge that will be the hardest ones yet. I managed to stay in place.

He then went over and brought over a rubber strap. He annnounced that if He was not pleased with Friday's report, He would be using the rubber strap in the basement. He gave me one swat with it...WOW. Granted it was on a sore bottom, but i do not ever want to feel that being used on my bottom by an angry Master. I asked if we were done, He allowed me to get up. He reminded me i had not said i was sorry, i replied i had in an email. He said not in person, so i said sorry, and went up the stairs, muttering it was only 2 pounds.

He stayed in the basement, when i reached the top He said He obviously had not done a good enough job, i needed to come back down. I did not want to, and said so. He waited a minute or so. I was not moving. He started to count, and self preservation kicked in and i went back down to Him. He had me back over the seat of the chair, but did not spank, He rubbed and talked. I started to calm down a little. He had me get up and sit in His lap, and we chatted about my attitude and my behavior. I had calmed a little, and we ended with some kneeling time.

Once back upstairs Master said He expects extra effort the rest of the week, to make up for the lost weekend.

Since i have been home, i have been trying to figure out, where all that ungracious submission came from. I have a few ideas, no real answers, but the attitude is gone, replaced with embarrassment. One month...my resolution lasted one month. So i start again...Master my resolution for the rest of this year is to submit more gratiously, to submit because i want to, because it will please You, because it is good for me.

It has been months since my last visit to the basement....hopefully it will be longer than that for my next one.

abby

Monday's (sad) report

2011-02-07T17:29:00.000-08:00

More snow, more freezing temps, maybe i can blame them for my report this morning?

For the first time in quite a while i had to report a significant gain this morning. Significant as in, 2 pounds just over the weekend. I only had to lose 1/2 to get back to my goal, and i guess i decided 1/2 pound, i don't even have to try. My daughter made homemade pizza on Sunday, it is DEELISH...had it for lunch and dinner, when to a friend's birthday dinner on Sat....you can imagine part of that menu. I don't wii on the weekends.
It all adds up to a 2 pound gain.

I delayed reporting, then decided to text instead of calling...i know it doesn't change anything, except i don't have to hear His disappointment, and then His resolve to make sure i don't let this happen again for a LONG time. I text that i was sorry and would do better....His reply..Oh you WILL!

He got tied up at work this afternoon, so we did not meet. It's kind of a good news/bad news situation. Good news..i get a short reprieve and He gets a chance to cool down a little. Bad news...He made sure i knew i was not off the hook, i hate waiting for a punishment, i just want it done, and it gives Him time to think about how to make me really regret my lapse.

I will let you know how it goes...if i can sit at my computer...

abby

Brrrr....weekend thoughts

2011-02-06T11:31:00.000-08:00

I have always lived in an area where the 4 seasons expressed themselves with all their glory, and loved it. Except the past few years i have been wishing that winter would last at the most, 2 months, and maybe just over the holidays. It is snowing here again, and according to the weather people, it won't get above freezing this coming week. ENOUGH i say! (i have about as much power over the weather gods, as i do over master, so settle in for more winter).

The scale was good to me on Friday, i lost 1 pound. Only 1/2 to go til i am back to my goal weight, porbably not my final goal, but my most recent one. Master expects that to happen tomorrow.

Master is away for the weekend, and whenever He or i are away i usually feel somewhat uneasy. This weekend has been different. I had a "welcome home" and my maintenance spankings last week, and we spent some time on Friday just being together, chatting, and having Him remind me that no matter where each of us are, I am His...all of me...His submissive. For some reason that time on Friday seems to have made a difference.

I have felt His presence all weekend. I have been calm, and sure, no "voices", and looking forward to His return. It's only a weekend, but this time the "apartness" has not caused my "voices" to attempt a return. Maybe i am finally turning a corner, becoming a little more confident, understanding better what Master is always telling me. I hope so, because this feeling is much better than what i usually put myself through.

We will see, after this coming week, Master is away for a week, and i leave before He returns for a week...yeah that's 2 weeks to test my new "resolve". Hopefully what i have felt this weekend, will carry me through those 2 weeks.

Stay cozy and warm, i am going to finish a great book i am reading.

hugs, abby

why is it so hard to ask?

2011-02-03T18:22:00.000-08:00

I have been really "out of sorts" for the past 3 days...for no reason, for a lot of reasons. Besides some aggravations at home, i miss my dad, i am sick of the cold and snow, the diet is suffering, and i have been feeling not so submissive. UGH! I have mostly kept up with my rules and expectations, but not graciously. When i have called Master and He could not answer (at work) i hung up instead of leaving messages. My wonderful little "voices" were starting to gleefully return. UGH! UGH!

After playing phone tag a bit today Master and i finally connected. He could tell, He can always tell, after a very few words that i was not in a good place. I knew He was waiting for me to ask for my maintenance spanking. So i mumbled something like...do You have time today or tomorrow, if not that's OK. Silence on His end....that's never good. Finally, He asked if that was me asking for maintenance, for what i need.
I asked again, with a Sir and a please, and we agreed on a time for this afternoon.

We started maintenance almost a year ago...why is it sometimes still so hard for me to say the words...to ask for what i know i need, for what makes me a better submissive, for what i had wondered about for a long time. Most of the time it has become easier, but other times like today, i almost choke on the words. Master is always receptive, and has made it clear that not asking is not acceptable.

So we met, hugged, spanked, "played", and talked. He had me repeat why We started maintenance....to keep me focused, to help avoid Punishment spankings, to keep Us connected...all good things!

Tonight i am calmer, more content, feeling more like His submissive. I am dreading my weigh in tomorrow, i had been told i had a week to lose 11/2 pounds....by this Monday. That leaves the weekend, and i don't think i made much progress this week. Wish me luck... and a scale that likes me!

abby

Monday's update

2011-01-31T18:22:00.000-08:00

I got back here over the weekend, but i never feel like i am home...i am where i belong...until Master has welcomed me home. Luckily He makes that happen quickly. My weigh in report this morning was that i had gained 1 1/2 pounds. I was pleased with that, it has been 2 weeks, and last week was fast foods, goodies, restaurants and lots of temptations. I was pretty sure He would give me a "good girl", and ask when i would be back to the goal.

I was greeted with a long, tight hug, some catching up chat, asking how i really was,...i am OK, still processing that dad is gone. Kneeling time was like a long slow massage, taking in His scent, His touch, His voice, filling what had been depleted within me. When i was finally relaxed, He mentioned my report, i said pretty good, right? He said it was a gain, but eventually agreed considering the circumstances it was pretty good.

Our reconnection spanking was a long, slow build up, using His hand, slowly peeling off the layers of my clothing, the kind of spanking that makes one wonder why everyone doesn't do this and wishing it would last for hours. Eventually he moved on to His paddle turning up the heat on a well warmed bottom. I was on my way to floating, when He stopped and said, time to address the gain. i argued...a bit...He countered with...not a punishment, nothing harsh, but a definate reminder that gaining is never acceptable. He had to wait a bit to get my Yes Sir, but he was patient, and i have learned that delaying too much only adds to my eventual discomfort.
It was over quickly, and "we" decided that i would lost the 1 1/2 by next Monday.

Then it was play time. i was primed..it has been 2 weeks. It did not take me long to start moaning and requesting persmission to cum, and cum, and cum. Master chuckled and reminded me that i used to say enough after once, saying there was no way i could orgasm more than once. Some things, i am only too happy to be wrong about!

Surprisingly i found myself fighting my tears. It took me years to cry in front of Master, and now the tears seem to have a mind of their own. He encouraged me to let them go, but i held on...guess i still need some practice in letting go.

After some coming back to earth time, with lots of rubbing and quiet talk, i was back to kneeling. I asked if this counted as this week's maintenance. Since i did not ask or arrange for today, it does not. Master insists that i ask for my maintence spankings, since asking for what i need is difficult for me.

It was a wonderful welcome back!
abby