Sunday, March 6, 2016

Answers for ancilla_ksst and Misty...

         Thank you for the questions...couple of you included Master, He loves taking part in question month, so any more questions for either of us are still welcomed.  
           ancilla_kisst asked about how maintenance started.  If you have read here for a while, you have heard this...so feel free to say...been here, read that...and move on.
           Maintenance started about 7 years ago.  I was feeling like i needed more, at loose ends, my 'voices' were in full force (never a good thing), but i just was not sure what I wanted.  Master had been spanking me for almost 8 years, but spankings were not regular. Master had remarked to me, He did not know why i was not instantly submissive as soon as I saw Him.  I wanted to say...a junior high teacher, with a student teacher, 3 kids of my own, in charge of just about everything...and You wonder why i am not immediately submissive....
             I did not say those things, but around that time i had started reading blogs, and i read a blog (no longer active) that was exactly what i was feeling...and wanted to say.  I wrote the author a note asking if i could quote her blog, she replied i could, so that night i wrote Master a note, mainly explaining why i found it difficult to be submissive to myself...on my own.  I hesitated to hit send, but did, and wondered all night what His reply would be.  There was a reply the next day....I want to see you after school, we will talk.  That was it...no ..indication if He was upset or not....it was a long day at school.  
            As soon as i saw Him, His first words were...so, you want to start maintenance spankings.  I immediately started to deny it...He laughed and said...it is a great idea...I agree with your note....My first maintenance spanking was that day.  I did go  home thinking, i wonder how long this will really last...i can tell you, it is still in effect.  At first, I was in charge of scheduling maintenance, checking our schedules, and letting Master know when would be a good time...I balked at that a bit, but He was insistent.  Spankings were once a week, a different implement, chosen by Master, usually at the end of the week.
               I had envisioned maintenance as a time for us to have a little spanking fun and reconnect, some quiet time, some play time.  Master's idea was..and is...a hard enough spanking so that i do not a harder one to occur.  One week, we actually had maintenance on a Monday.  I was over Master's lap and He commented that it was only Monday and we were having maintenance ...i blurted out, M and M day!  He laughed and said, I love that, from now on maintenance will be on Monday's...something for you to remember during the week.  
             When we started with the Monday's Master also named one of His paddles...maintenance paddle.  It is smallish, but on the heavy side, and my bottom has become very well acquainted with it.  At this time, Master also decided that maintenance would be 100 spanks. If He or i happened to be away for a week, we just skipped that week.  Until last year sometime...Master decided that missed maintenance spankings had to be made up. I am usually the one who is away, so if i am away for a week....it is 200 when i return. I tried to argue that was not necessary...but you all know how well that works.  So far this year, i have always planned on less than 2 weeks....which makes Master smile...
             That is where we are with maintenance....it could change again, if Master decides to adapt it for some reason.  And, as much as there are some Mondays that i think...i do not want a spanking, I have to admit, by Monday evening, I am much calmer and ready to face the week.  Both Master and i agree, maintenance spankings have been a very good thing for both of us.  His Mondays are much more interesting now...
                 I always have to add when i write about maintenance....I am not advocating for maintenance spankings.  They work for us... but everyone has to find and decide what works for the two of them...

               Misty asked, if you were to give someone new to this lifestyle advice what would it be...something not related to communicating or giving it time.
I am not sure if someone new refers to someone who already is in a power exchange or not....I am going to assume that it does...
                 For someone just getting their feet wet, i would say...
....trust your instincts, if something feels wrong or upsetting, you have the right to say....i am not ready for this, we need to discuss this.
...I would also tell them to visit blog land, and find a few blogs they feel comfortable with, and go back and read them from the beginning.  There will be lots of good information there....and you are very likely...if you comment...to make a new on-line friend in the life style.
....there is no one way to be a spankee, or a submissive or a slave....it has to suit you and  your partner....getting ideas from others helps...but they are just ideas, not hard and fast rules on how to have a power exchange.
.... if it is not offered (and it should be) ask about a safe word.  It should make both of you feel better at trying new things.
.....your partner should lift you up, not put you down. You should both look forward to your time together.
    
hugs abby








              


25 comments:

  1. Loved this insight into your spanking relationship and how it has evolved. Yes, I agree that a partner should take you to a new level of intimacy.

    Hugs From Ella

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    1. Too many people..who are on the outside looking in...consider a power exchange abuse....i know, abuse can exist without a power exchange...
      hugs abby

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    2. I feel like I have to comment here, Abby! :) I totally agree with you here. The media has all made it so that society looks down upon those with power exchange of any kind, calling it abuse. Sure, very sadly there are some cases of that out there, I am sure. Maybe many, who knows? I went to look up something in google images the other day around submission etc. and found the quotes to be slanted in this negative way as well. It's really too bad that most people automatically let their minds go to negative places, vs. listening and learning about what really goes on in healthy D/s, TTWD, Dd relationships.

      These kinds of relationships are NOT even close to what people think. Done right, and in my experience it is anything but that. It is an amazing way of having deeper intimacy, trust, sharing, communicating and love. When there have been media pieces around D/s etc., it has been made to look quite the opposite.

      The advice that you give here is just perfect. And no matter what, that safe word is so important. Even in the most loving and long term relationships. Just in case something needs a pause for whatever reason.

      I absolutely love what you said, "your partner should lift you up, not put you down." Exactly that!

      I enjoyed hearing your story about M/M! I think it is wonderful that your Master knows just what you need, and delivers with caring and love. Sheesh! He went right for that when you told him too! LOL! Didn't waste any time at all.:) Enjoyed reading your answers here. Many hugs,

      <3 Katie

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    3. I wanted to pop back on here. Not sure that I mentioned this before but there was an article that was well written and positive about spanking. Published in the NYTimes in Nov 2012. Here is the link, in case anyone has interest:

      http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/11/fashion/modern-love-a-spanking-fetish-is-not-revealed-easily.html?_r=0

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    4. Thanks for your reply...and for the link.
      hugs abby

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  2. Hi Abby, It's nice to learn a little more about Master and you. I get what you mean about feeling calmer and starting the week off better. We don't do maintenance and Eric travels so much, I don't think we could with any regularity but I bet it would give me a more even keeled life. Your advice for us newbies is much appreciated. :) Amy

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    1. Thanks, I hesitate to give advice...we are each unique with different needs and want....
      hugs abby

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  3. Thank you for telling the story again! I don't remember it from before, or maybe haven't been reading long enough.

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    1. I love telling it...and many who are responding to this post, had not read it ...so it was good to repeat.
      hugs abby

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  4. Your answers are great. You surely was a great teacher, abby.

    Hug,

    appy

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    1. Oh...that is about the best compliment you could give me...thanks..
      hugs abby

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  5. I just love hearing about how relationships evolve. You've got a great guy there.

    Awesome advice! And here I thought I might stump you. :) should've known better! Thanks for answering.

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    1. I do have a great guy....there were many toads...lol. Remember I was a junior high teacher...we always have an answer ready...
      hugs abby

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  6. Great answers Abby! Love how you go into detail and give such excellent advice. Thanks for sharing!

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. You are welcome...I do not like to give advice...we all need to find our own special way.
      hugs abby

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  7. Loved reading how your maintenance Mondays started Abby. Wonderful advice to newbies especially on your partner should lift you up.
    Hugs Lindy

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    1. Yes...both partners should benefit...
      hugs abby

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  8. Hi Abby, good advice, I am sure you were a great teacher!
    love Jan, xx

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    1. Ah thank you....it was a career I loved!
      hugs abby

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  9. I don't mean to be contradictory here, but I disagree the comment that a safeword is a MUST(I know you didn't word it that way). Don't get me wrong, I know there is a place for it, but like everything else with ttwd, it depends on the couple. I know some who the men insist on it, so they feel comfortable going the distance, as you basically explained in your post.

    It isn't for us. Gagged, bound, whatever the case, in our particular relationship, it isn't necessary. In fact, again for *us* alone here, to me it takes away from his control over me, in my MIND-if I can say a word to stop everything that is( I know that sounds ridiculous). He trusts me that I will communicate if I feel the wrong kind of pain,(and I have before in the past) and I trust him to stop when he feels he should. He also trusts that I will not stop the 'process' for any other reason. ( Not implying those with a safeword don't have that sort of trust by any means). My husband has learned to study and watch me very closely. ( He could be a bit better about the subspace aspect though...LOL)

    You know what... perhaps it is semantics, "please stop" or the right leg twitch ect could be deemed as a version of a safeword? I am not one to talk or say anything while being punished, or 'tortured', so perhaps that also might make a difference. I generally don't shout out 'please stop' or 'no more' that may also be different than some, hence no need either. So much of ttwd is a mental 'game' for lack of a better term, and in *my* mind's eye this is how it has to be for us.

    I only commented contradictory, for those who might feel they are doing something wrong by not having a safeword. I hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings by disagreeing in this case. It just isn't a need in our case.

    willie

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  10. Valid point....i have a safe word...Master and i met over a beer, as you might have read. I have never used it...but i have said..i have a cramp, my leg..fingers..are numb. If i even said..please stop..He would and ask why....
    hugs abby

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  11. such great insight and advice you have :-) Hugs

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    1. Thanks, I would like to think I have learned a little bit over the years...
      hugs abby

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