Monday, May 5, 2014

Head Space....(Master's title)

         First a big THANKS  to  Sunny!!  I learned a new computer skill......no small accomplishment.

        This weekend was the Revlon Cancer Walk in NYC.  It has become a tradition for my family that as many females as possible  gather together to walk.  One year we had 4 generations... one in a stroller... one year several nieces joined and we had a group of a dozen of us.  Most years we design t-shirts or hats, and we walk in honor of those in our family who have won their battle, and in memory of those who have not.  It is an amazing experience, to see thousands of people, united, walking together down 7th Ave. and through Central Park.  It is emotional to see the names of those being remembered, to see those being pushed in wheel chairs.  Every one helps each other out, and there are people cheering all along the route.  I debated about going this year, i missed last year recovery from surgery.  I am glad i went, it was a great day for a walk!

     Head space was a topic of discussion for Master and i today...mostly because my head was not in the right space.   As most of you know, Monday is M/M day in my life...maintenance Monday.  Most of the time, i am in the correct head space.  It is part of my submission to Master, it helps me to stay out of trouble, and once a week, no matter what, we have this connect time.  Yes, it is a hard spanking, with a paddle, but there is usually also some play time, and permissions are granted.   

    Occasionally, like today, i just want to call the whole thing off.  Life has been a little out of control lately....more so than usual.  My 'voices'
have been getting louder, never a good thing.  I have also been feeling more and more 'needy'....not a feeling i handle well.  It used to freak me out, but i know it is a part of who i am, Master has made it clear, the more i need Him the happier He is.....but i still have times when i struggle with the thought what if...what if it is too much need?  Today was one of those days.

   When Master and i were chatting, I knew He could tell, and then when He told me something He wanted me to do i answered 'OK'.  That is not OK...ever.  He replied...Yes Sir..and waited for me to repeat the proper reply....i hesitated, but not for long, knowing better.  Yes Sir, i repeated.  
When we were together, He asked what was wrong, if i was ready to talk about it...i wasn't, so He settled for a long bear hug.  I said i really wanted to cancel maintenance,  He said that only means that i really need it.  He asked if i ever left after maintenance feeling worse that when i arrived...i had to honestly say no....He grinned and said i would feel that much better today.

    So, after my kneeling/reclaiming time i was over His lap for a long hand warm up.  When He saw me finally relax, He continued the warm-up with the paddle, stopping for some rubbing and chatting.  Then it was time....2 rounds of hard spanks, bringing the tears to my eyes.  When He was finished we did chat, He calmed my  fears, shut out the voices, assured me that needing Him is a complement and that He has plans for the future of our journey......knowing what i needed to hear.

    Then Master brought up the 'OK'.  He was not pleased when i pleaded that i did not use it often.....that did not carry much water.  He declared that He would spank me 20 more times hard, and the next time i forgot, it would be 40, then 60......til my memory improved.  A sure-fire way to improve it.  

   We talked a bit more, while Master's fingers were roaming, rubbing, circling, spreading my 'wetness'.  Then He started to spank me with His other hand, continuing to bring me closer to needing a permission.  He switched to the paddle, and this time i was asking for more, raising to meet each spank, asking Him to continue, until i exploded...loudly....more than once....then laying there, spent, content, safe, knowing i was right where i belonged....the best head space possible!

Have a good week all.....it looks like we will NOT get any snow this week:)!

hugs abby

14 comments:

  1. Going though a needy time myself, and vulnerable...and I do not like it.

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    1. I know how you feel....this too shall pass...for both of us.
      hugs abby

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  2. Hey Abby...congrats on learning a new computer skill! Happy master was able to help you achieve a much better head space. Woohoo...no snow...good to know! Have a great week.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Double Woohoo....in the 80's today...soon i should be complaining it is too HOT...LOL.
      hugs abby

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  3. Good example of needing something but not wanting it. Glad you found that head space :)
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Perfect example....guess it is a good thing Master reads me so well.
      hugs abby

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  4. Hi Abby, the walk sounds fantastic. A great family tradition for a good cause. I totally relate to worrying about feeling needy and am so glad Master was able to reassure you and help you find the right mind set.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. I grew up so determined to be independent.....in charge.....that neediness is not a feeling i am used to.
      hugs abby

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  5. No snow, that's a good thing. Glad you were able to make the walk and that all is well at home.

    Glad I was able to help. I'm just passing on the knowledge that Hermione gave to me.It just goes around, and round.

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    1. In the 80's today...soon i will be whining it is too hot!
      hugs abby

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  6. aaahhh...what a lovely thing to be, in that Master headspace...he is very perceptive and SO right...when you need it most is when you *want* it least...and good for him for knowing that. I had a wee "down" yesterday (I wonder if allergy meds can make you depressed?) and sent a sad little text to M...and he was right there to scoop me up and give a verbal butt-smack to get me moving past it...

    I love that about our M's--guess that's why they are the Capital M...:D

    nilla

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    1. You are so right on all counts...and I used to be on allergy meds...i think they do affect your mood and energy...one of the perks of growing older...i no longer need them. I love that about out Master's also......they seem to have read the same handbook!
      hugs abby

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  7. Glad he was able to turn things around for you. Have a good week my friend.

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  8. Thanks...i did have a busy, but good week....hope you did too.
    hugs abby

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