First a big THANKS to Sunny!! I learned a new computer skill......no small accomplishment.
This weekend was the Revlon Cancer Walk in NYC. It has become a tradition for my family that as many females as possible gather together to walk. One year we had 4 generations... one in a stroller... one year several nieces joined and we had a group of a dozen of us. Most years we design t-shirts or hats, and we walk in honor of those in our family who have won their battle, and in memory of those who have not. It is an amazing experience, to see thousands of people, united, walking together down 7th Ave. and through Central Park. It is emotional to see the names of those being remembered, to see those being pushed in wheel chairs. Every one helps each other out, and there are people cheering all along the route. I debated about going this year, i missed last year recovery from surgery. I am glad i went, it was a great day for a walk!
Head space was a topic of discussion for Master and i today...mostly because my head was not in the right space. As most of you know, Monday is M/M day in my life...maintenance Monday. Most of the time, i am in the correct head space. It is part of my submission to Master, it helps me to stay out of trouble, and once a week, no matter what, we have this connect time. Yes, it is a hard spanking, with a paddle, but there is usually also some play time, and permissions are granted.
Occasionally, like today, i just want to call the whole thing off. Life has been a little out of control lately....more so than usual. My 'voices'
have been getting louder, never a good thing. I have also been feeling more and more 'needy'....not a feeling i handle well. It used to freak me out, but i know it is a part of who i am, Master has made it clear, the more i need Him the happier He is.....but i still have times when i struggle with the thought what if...what if it is too much need? Today was one of those days.
When Master and i were chatting, I knew He could tell, and then when He told me something He wanted me to do i answered 'OK'. That is not OK...ever. He replied...Yes Sir..and waited for me to repeat the proper reply....i hesitated, but not for long, knowing better. Yes Sir, i repeated.
When we were together, He asked what was wrong, if i was ready to talk about it...i wasn't, so He settled for a long bear hug. I said i really wanted to cancel maintenance, He said that only means that i really need it. He asked if i ever left after maintenance feeling worse that when i arrived...i had to honestly say no....He grinned and said i would feel that much better today.
So, after my kneeling/reclaiming time i was over His lap for a long hand warm up. When He saw me finally relax, He continued the warm-up with the paddle, stopping for some rubbing and chatting. Then it was time....2 rounds of hard spanks, bringing the tears to my eyes. When He was finished we did chat, He calmed my fears, shut out the voices, assured me that needing Him is a complement and that He has plans for the future of our journey......knowing what i needed to hear.
Then Master brought up the 'OK'. He was not pleased when i pleaded that i did not use it often.....that did not carry much water. He declared that He would spank me 20 more times hard, and the next time i forgot, it would be 40, then 60......til my memory improved. A sure-fire way to improve it.
We talked a bit more, while Master's fingers were roaming, rubbing, circling, spreading my 'wetness'. Then He started to spank me with His other hand, continuing to bring me closer to needing a permission. He switched to the paddle, and this time i was asking for more, raising to meet each spank, asking Him to continue, until i exploded...loudly....more than once....then laying there, spent, content, safe, knowing i was right where i belonged....the best head space possible!
Have a good week all.....it looks like we will NOT get any snow this week:)!