Saturday, May 10, 2014
A Case of the 'Needies'
Since tomorrow is Mother's Day, i would like to wish all of you mother's, grandma's, aunties.....whatever the title...a very happy day. One filled with hugs and appreciation....and maybe even breakfast in bed! That breakfast is a long standing tradition in our house, i have to say the quality of the breakfast has greatly improved over 30 years.
It was beautiful here today..sunny, a slight breeze and just the right temperature. I even walked the nearby bike path for, i think, the first time since my surgeries. It is about 3 miles, and it felt good to be able to complete it. As i was walking, the word 'needy', kept my mind occupied. It is a word that seems to be popping up in a few blogs, so i thought i would add my two cents (not that my thoughts are even worth 2 cents)...on the subject.
I remember when i was first aware of having the 'neediness' bug. It surprised, scared and bothered me. It was, maybe 4 years ago, and it hit me like a ton of bricks....me the independent, self sufficient, mostly in charge woman....i was struggling with the emotion. I had just started blogging and wrote a post about how i was feeling. A no longer blogging, very wise lady, left a comment. Basically, she wrote that i was equating neediness with weakness, and it was a bad equation. It was an emotion i had blocked out of my life, so i was very uncomfortable with it. Being needy is part of having a strong connection to another person, it is an admission that we are only whole with that person. As a submissive, that need is what pushes my desire to serve my Master. I was impressed with her words, i have repeated them to myself when i start to feel uneasy about needing more.
When i think about it logically...which isn't often enough....i need air, water, food, clothing (well most of the time i do:), i need the human touch, and so on....none of those are considered wrong or bad......there are just needs......
I have started to be able to express the need to Master. He always reacts positively, and spanks longer or harder. When i say that i feel the need for a 'shorter leash' for a day or two, He makes me feel very tethered. He has told me, more than once, He loves my neediness, it feeds His dominance. I have told Him that at times, i worry that it is too much, i am afraid of asking for too much...needing too much. I have worried about crossing a line where i have asked for too much...His reply, there is no such line, and if there were i am not even close to it. I would not be surprised if those are the feelings of many dominants.
Maybe, being needy, not only feeds the dominant, it also feeds the submissive. For me, i feel more open, more vulnerable when i express my need, when i let it out in the open. It opens me to more dominance and fills me with a need to be more submissive......a win/win situation perhaps??
Does this mean i will embrace my neediness...probably not....but i can see it as just a natural part of my submission, a tool to bring Master and i closer.
And that is my two cents worth...