My last post was all about stubborn.....this one focuses more on submission....i am sitting here with a throbbing bottom, but totally focused on being my best submissive self.
I did not feel well yesterday, so M/M day did not happen...i am better today, and expected maintenance....what i got was so much more. After some chat, hugs and my naked kneeling, i was over Master's lap. He had the maintenance paddle out, but instead of using it, He asked me a few questions. Why did i not send in a report yesterday....how many days did i exercise last week, what happened to Saturday and Sunday...i did not have good answers.
It's been a long time since Master gave me a good scolding. When i was teaching, there were times i wanted to invite Him into my classroom...He would have even the tough junior boys saying Yes Sir! He was very disappointed that i have been concentrating more on my stubbornness and less on my submissiveness. He understands that getting 'hot and sweaty' is not something i want to do, not something i like to do, not something i have done in a very long time. I need to stop thinking of it in those terms, and think of it as something i am doing....because He wants me to. It is serving Him, maybe in the purest form, not with something i enjoy....but only because it is what He wants. Submission is not always supposed to be easy and fun.....i need to stop thinking "I" and start thinking Him.
That was the gist....when He was done, i was looking at the past week, in a very different light. He then asked if i was expecting a basement visit yesterday. I said no...He said it was His plan, a basement visit and no play time....
He asked if i wanted to get to the basement today...i said, "no Sir". He said that is where we are going, you need to be re-focused and we have not been there in a long time. (over a year....basements are for Punishment). I did start to try to talk Him out of it, but i was told to get up, and get down there. He pulled out a chair, had me over His lap....better than leaning over the chair....and continued His scolding as He spanked...HARD. I think the first set was 50....and I was vocal almost from the beginning. He stopped and i immediately said , in a very small voice, i am sorry Sir. That got me some rubbing, and we chatted about His expectations. Then it was round 2, another 50, they seemed harder, but maybe my bottom was just very sore to start with. The tears were in my eyes, a rare thing, i seemed to be in a cloud of pain. Finally He stops.
He asks if that was the worse basement punishment ever....and i have to be honest..no, there have been much worse. Master has much bigger and heavier paddles. He reminds me that 2 visits in a row means He did not do a good enough job, the first time.....He will not make that mistake the second time. He then tells me if this were yesterday , i would be sent home with no play time.....wet and wanting. But since i am leaving tomorrow, He will give me a choice. Either i can leave now since my bottom is already very sore, or i can go upstairs, kneel, and wait for my maintenance spanking and then some play time, my choice. I don't even have to think about it, i ask for maintenance....and head upstairs.
Master joins me, and i get my weekly maintenance spanking, and yes it hurts a LOT more than what maintenance usually feels like. Master finishes, i apologize again, He reminds me, one of the good things about spanking, is once a punishment is over, it is over....clean slate. He reaches is to check how the rest of me is doing.....and says with a laugh, i think this is the wettest i have seen you in a while. His magic fingers feel so good, i try to hang on.....but all too soon i just have to ask.....and permissions are granted.
We spend some quiet time, chatting with Master reminding me that i am His, that He will not give up......that He cherishes me, but also that my submission is about Him...what He wants....it is a reminder that i 'sorely' needed....and received.
Tomorrow i am leaving for a couple weeks. First stop is my son's ....a 4 year old drama queen and an almost 2 year old with the greatest grin. The younger one calls me mom..always has. She calls her mother mommy, so she knows we are different...but as much as her older sister and cousins...and her parents....tell her i am grandma...she looks at me and grins, and calls me mom....i love it! Four beautiful little ones with so much in common, yet each becoming their own individual person. I am so blest to be a part of that!
I will then be travelling to my home town. My sister is having surgery, so she will need help...and she is the one who does everything for my mom. So I will also be getting mom to appointments, and checking on her. I am flying both ways, i really hope i do not get stuck in a connecting airport...wish me luck!