Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Master's answer to the what if's

     First I want to share some good news about my recovery.  You have all been so supportive with your well wishes, they really helped...thank you!!  All of  my tubes and drains are gone, it feels so good to be just me.  My kidneys are improving and i am starting to feel like me....my energy is slowly returning.  No doctor appointments for 1 month!  
                  Master has been very supportive. Reassuring me, gentle hugs, reminding me that i am His no matter what is happening.  Just being there for me, wanting to help any way He could.  Life has a way of showing you how lucky you are, even when you are going through a difficult time. I have come to appreciate family, Master, friends and all of you in a new way.

                Since i am feeling much better and have even been on a couple outings, Master decided yesterday would be a good day to start erasing the 'what ifs'.  After some chat and lots of hugs, including some of His special 'big bear' ones, He sat, looked at me and said, "it is time".  He pointed to His feet....he wanted me kneeling......and naked.  I stood almost frozen. He talked quietly to me, then stopped and looked at me....His look drew me in.  I knew i had to take this first step.  I started to undress, His eyes never left me.  He put a pillow down for me to kneel on, and helped me get into position.  I was kneeling naked, and the look on my Master's face made it all OK. ( are you listening roz?).  

              He had me put my hands behind me, and slowly started to claim me.  A couple times i started to lean away from Him, He gently pulled me back.  There was a little  bit of breast play, just enough to remind me that all of me is His.

             He then asked me if i would be comfortable over His knees. He helped me get up and slowly get over His lap, making sure i was comfortable.  He started with a light hand spanking, with lots of rubbing.  I was soon relaxed and enjoying and so happy to be 'me' again.  It was an all hand spanking, just enough to put a rosy glow on both of my cheeks.  Master remarked that it was probably only the second time He used only His hand to spank me,,,the other being the first time He spanked me...lots of years ago.  I think He was right about that....but both times, it was just what i needed.

           There was some 'checking' along the way.....to see if i was responding.  That was not to be.....but i do know it will come, eventually.  As Master continued to hand spank, i started to feel overwhelmed....and started to cry,  I think it was relief , but i could not stop.  Master started to slowly rub my back and bottom and just let me cry it out.  When i was done He asked me to sit on His lap...i could not. He said OK. let me know when you are ready, as He continued to rub.
Eventually i said i was ready.

          He helped me up and onto His lap, cradling me so my head was on His shoulder. He held me tight, nuzzling and talking softly in to my ear.  Telling me all the things i needed to hear, being sure i heard them, soon i could feel myself just melting into Him, knowing i was just where i belong, where i have longed to be.

hugs abby


Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The land of "what ifs?"

*****This post is brought to you courtesy of our friend Cat. I am using my new notebook and it would not let me post....she came to my rescue...Thanks!I

     I have always considered myself a fact oriented person.  Look at the facts and draw a logical conclusion.  Granted, not always the right conclusion, but one based on fact.  As i have grown older, i have really tried to train myself to live 'in the moment'.  I tell my kids...'don't buy trouble, chances are it can find you'.  It's been 7 weeks since my last surgery, a long time to have to sit around and recover, time to let past demons reappear, time to let my mind wander to the dreaded land of 'what ifs'.  

     It has been 7 weeks....and counting...since i have knelt, naked for Master. Way back when we were first starting our journey, i remember telling Him....'i don't do naked'. (you can all stop laughing now).  At the time i meant it.  I was much heavier than i am now, i had been often reminded of how un-sexy i was, and i could not imagine anyone wanting to see me naked, let alone my allowing it to happen.  It took a while, but Master got me there, then to the point where i did not even try to cover up with my hands, and finally where i was actually comfortable with be naked for Him.  Well, it's been 7 weeks and...i had a 12 incision which left a scar.  He has seen it, he asked to, i refused, He asked again, sat back and gave that look...the one that says, i can sit here all day and wait....so He has seen the scar.  But i am no spring chicken, and all my insecurities have returned along with the 'what ifs'.

   It has been 7 weeks ..and counting....since i have been spanked, with the exception of some gentle taps on my pajama clad bottom.  I know my tolerance will be very low, what it does not return, what if i cannot stay in place, what if i cannot 'take' a hard spanking or hard play, what if i disappoint Him?  

   It has been 7 weeks ...and counting...since i have cum for Him. Truthfully, the scarier part, since i have had any desire at all.  I used to read your blogs or stories and have to ask for permission, i am still reading and enjoying, but not an inkling of needy a permission.  Whenever i would get embarrassed at how quickly i would get wet and ready, or need a permission, Master tells me ...that is the best compliment i can give Him. What if, i can no longer give it to Him.  

   I can hear you all joining in one voice and telling me...give it time. I have to admit, i have given that advice out lately.  But even when giving out the advice, i also know, time is not always your friend.  What if this submissve can no longer submit, serve or please her Master??????

hugs abby



Saturday, October 19, 2013

returning to blog land with a meme

     First and most importantly.....THANK YOU all for the support and prayers, good vibes, healing thoughts....all of it.  You will never know  how much it helped get through some unexpectedly rough weeks.  This blogging community is an amazing, caring group.

     I never expected to be away for this long. It's been almost 2 months.  It's been 2 long, torturous months, but i am finally starting to feel like 'me'.  As some of you know, nothing has gone as expected.  I would take one step forward...and get hit with the unexpected and be several steps behind.  My latest hurdle was the possibility of kidney failure, but we seem to have that turned around.  I still have some tests and doc visits this coming week, hopefully all of that will soon be behind me.

    I had reached the point of questioning if i would continue to blog.  It has been so long, and i just was not sure if i should just say good by to all of you. But i would miss you all too much, and Fiona gave me a 'gentle' shove to complete this meme...so here i am.

The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? 
    "Hello grandma" are the opening words i love to hear.

When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?

In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
     Depends, in a group friends, a talkier, a group that i am new to much more of a listener.

Do you take compliments well?
       Not usually, i am trying to learn to just say thank you and not question their judgement.

Are you an active person?
      LOL...active as in physical activity....well the past 2 months not at all, usually i at least try.

If abandoned alone in the wilderness, do you survive?
     No way...

Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
     Yes, for many summers, it was a blast.

What was your favorite game as a kid?
         I grew up in a neighborhood full of kids....hide and seek, was a favorite, til the lights went on and we all had to scurry home.

Are you judgmental?
   The older i get, very much less so.....

Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
  Hmmmm, in college....both.....now the latter.

Use three words to describe yourself.
Caring, creative, reliable

If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind?
I would choose deaf, in a heartbeat.

Are you continuing your education? 
Yes, thanks to my very smart grand children!

Do you know how to shoot a gun?

How often do you read books?
Mostly every day.

Do you think more about the past, present or future?
 The present, i am learning to 'enjoy the moments', they pass too quickly.

What is your favorite children's book? 
When i was growing up it was the Cherry Ames RN series, i would devour an entire book in one day.

Where is your ideal house located?
I love being near the water, ocean first preference, lake second.

Boxers, briefs, thongs, panties or grannies?
Until Master stepped in 'grannie panties', now still panties, but prettier.

Last person you talked to?
my daughter

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
Yes...with my grand daughters...they loved it....

What are your keys on your keychain for?
House, Car

Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
LOL,,,,up the stairs. 

Where is your current pain?
Occasionally on my side, where my tubing still is.

Do you like mustard?
Honey mustard is yummy.

Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
The past 2 months its been sleep, but usually it all depends on what is what's cooking.
,Do you look like your mom or dad?
Both , i think.
How long does it take you in the shower?
I have always considered a long hot shower a luxury, so when i can as long as the hot water lasts.

What movie do you want to see right now?
Oh, i am not even sure what is out there.

What did you do for New Year's?
Stayed in and watched the clock tick down.

What was the cause of your last accident?
Tripping over an uneven sidewalk.

Sorry about the different colors and fonts, laptop seems to have a mind of its own lately.

hugs abby