Thursday, January 17, 2013

Asking...


     A disclaimer..this is me, trying to sort out some feelings, some questions i keep asking myself....not very sexy, or entertaining...continue at your own risk.

     It should be such an easy task...asking for what you need...why is it so darn hard??


     Master has decided that this is the year that i learn to ask for what i feel i need... seems simple enough...I taught English for many years...an interrogative sentence...why oh why is it not that simple?


   A few weeks ago, Master sent me a text giving me a task to do for Him...something He occasionally will do, especially if vanilla life seems to be interfering more than usual.  I can't remember what it was, but i completed it, let Him know, and thanked Him, saying it was just what I needed. His question...then why did you not ask for a task? Honestly, it never occurred to me. I was told...when you feel you  need a task...for whatever reason...ask for one.

   I  have asked twice since then. The first time, He replied quickly with the task....use my bottom toy while i am kneeling for 20 minutes....The next time His reply was, I will give you one later. He did, sucking on my large toy, and then using it to cum. So, I have taken a few baby steps.

   A week ago, as i was leaving from maintenance, Master said....a girl could as for an extra spanking during the week , if she felt she needed it to help her meet her goal. I thought about it on Wednesday, but decided that i was close to my goal, so did not. This past Monday, Master says the same thing as i am leaving. Wednesday morning my good morning text to Master was.....i seem to eat less when i have to sit on a sore bottom...can You help me with that?
His quick reply was...I can and I will. He did...He let me know that getting that text from me, was a great way for Him to start His day. He would love more of  those.

     Master started by asking if i had asked for the spanking to help with my goal, or because i thought it would please Him. I answered honestly...some of both, since i had a lunch date today.  He repeated that it did please Him, and if it helped me...kind of a win/win.   Master used  a paddle, over clothing, then over panties, then on the bare. It was fairly quick, with a little rubbing, close to the intensity of a maintenance. Wednesday night, my bottom was throbbing....

 We also talked about me asking for whatever it is i need...hugs, spanks, orgasms, help with the car..whatever. Easy request...but not for me.

  Why...it does not put me in charge...i am asking not demanding....or wanting...neither of which would get me very far.  I understand that.
  
   It does bring up feelings of neediness, but for the most part, i think i have made peace with those, needing Him, is just what i do. I think it helps me be a better submissive, He encourages it, and He sees it as just a part of me, of Us.

   Laying in bed this morning, I wondered if maybe it is because it makes me feel more vulnerable...i say ..and i feel i do trust Him more than i have ever trusted anyone else.  Being more open and vulnerable by asking, is a part of that trust. Maybe it is time to walk the walk more. 

   I remember few years back, when i was struggling with that 'neediness' feeling. I asked Master..."how much is too much"...His reply...there is no too much, and if there was, i was not even close...maybe it is time to trust that answer.

   Maybe i need to start using more of these ???????

  hugs abby


19 comments:

  1. Maybe so. If you needs answers, you have to ask the questions.

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  2. Oh gosh, abby, I have the same problem. I have no problems asking him fro the things that are obvious signs of submission, a task, a submission exercise...other kinds of help, I struggle.

    Daddy has said the same thing, I don't ask much, I give more, and the fact that I need him feeds him.

    (((hugs)))

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  3. You ask some interesting questions and I hope it helped to write them in this post. I think you hit on something about being vulnerable and that being part of the mindset. (Let us know when you have it all figured out-ha!)

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  4. When we ask it lets them know we need them. It lets them be the Dom they want to be.It lets us be the subs we want to be. I think thats a good thing
    Starshine

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  5. You know, asking is tough. It puts you in the position to be disappointed, or embarrassed or have a response that is unwelcome and painful or hurtful (in NOT a good way). NOT that you would get those responses from your Sir, but it can be in the back of your head...it is a vulnerability.

    I work on accepting vulnerability as part of my submission....I suck at it by the way.

    Hugs,
    fiona

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  6. I agree with fiona on this, perhaps it is about fear of disappointment, embarrassment or something like it. I fear seeming too needy and try to just soldier on. Great that your Sir is helping you realise you have permission to need more,
    hugs Joolz xx

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  7. I'm with Fiona on this one too...at least for me. I struggle with asking for what I need. I hate being vulnerable to rejection especially from my love.

    I guess you can't really move forward unless you are willing to step out of your comfort zone and I imagine the rewards would be a greater sense of trust and dependency. Good Luck and thanks for the food for thought.

    Hugs

    P

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  8. I always am afraid I am putting pressure onto my Wife, when I am asking Her to do something. It us difficult.

    appy

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  9. I can't do it. I've never been able to do much asking about TTWD. Your master is right, he can't know what you need and want if you don't tell him. But I no longer know what I want, I can't explain in so I can't ask.

    Hugs,
    PK

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  10. I think we all struggle with asking for what we need/want. I know I do. I'm afraid he'll see me as too demanding and sometimes I'm just embarrassed. I guess this is something we all need to work on.

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  11. sunny..are you sure you are not a New Englander..you get right to the point...you are right. hugs abby

    June it is good to know I am not alone..one of the big rewards of blogging...and making new friends. hugs abby

    SNP...writing it did help me....but don't hold your breath waiting for me to have the answer...that is what I have all of you for! hugs abby

    Starshine..When you put it that way...it makes perfect sense. thanks! hugs abby

    Fiona...you always make me laugh and feel better...thanks! hugs abby

    Joolz...that is a great way to look at it...permission to need more and not feel guilty about it..thanks! hugs abby

    Pocahontas..you are welcome...and maneuvering those discomfort zones, usually ends up in a new closeness. hugs abby

    appy...I understand so completely..Master is so busy with so many things, I hate adding to that! hugs abby

    PK...I know you have been struggling with this...sometimes answers come when we stop thinking so hard. hugs abby

    Mrs. D...feels good to know I have such nice company. hugs abby

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  12. I think that asking helps us understand our needs. However there is so much trust involved, that if you are afraid of rejection or your needs/desires, it takes longer to 'get there'
    Your master is just so keyed into you, you are lucky!

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  13. Minelle...He is and I am! hugs abby

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  14. I think it's the vulnerability Abby, at least for me. I know 99% of the time I will get what I ask for if there's any way for him to deliver, and yet...sometimes, I don't want to have 'needs', if you know what I mean?

    Sara

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  15. Sara, it is letting myself be vulnerable...it is true for me also, if I ask, most of the time His response is immediate and He does His best to make it happen...it those 'needs' that bet to me too.
    hugs abby

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  16. Asking for what you want/need is HUGE. Good for you for starting to take that step and examine your feelings around it.

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  17. Renee..thanks it is huge, at least to me. Hopefully, I can get to a place where it is more natural.
    hugs abby

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  18. Asking is very difficult for me...often it leaves me feeling needy and insecure and guilty for expressing those needs...my husband tells me I can ask...but I think I was hurt more than once and I need him to tell me a few more times it is ok to ask for what I want so I can truly believe it.

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  19. Terpsichore...I know those feelings all too well. I am just at the begnning of being able to ask. hugs abby

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