Tuesday, October 16, 2012

what would you not do??

   When Master and I were chatting and snuggling yesterday, He says, I have a question for your blog. He rarely makes any suggestions for my blog, so I was all ears. "What would you (submissives in general) not do for your Masters?

    My initial reply was, that covers a lot of ground...from taking His shoes off when He needs to relax, to helping Him commit a crime. Really, not quite what He was thinking of...I have no desire for a criminal record.

    Limits is what He was interested in...that one little word covers a lot of territory. Here's my 2 cents..or more...

    I believe everyone has limits, I have come to believe that they are fluid in nature. For me, limits are closely tied to trust, just as I feel that trust happens in layers over time, so does the ability to test limits...the more you trust, the more you are willing to push yourself, to go beyond what you once thought you could.

    There are lots of ways for limits to come into play. One of them is a safe word. I am a big proponent of safe words...I  have had one since the first time Master spanked me...over clothing and with His hand. In over 10 years I have never used it...yes I did come close a few times, during some pretty harsh punishments  years ago, but Master always seemed to sense when I had truly reached my limit. I am positive that if I ever said the word, He would honor it. There have been times when I cramped up or felt some tinglings of fingers or hands, and to be honest, I simply said...I have a cramp. We stopped, massaged and when I was ready went on.

    For some, limits are expressed in a contract or a check list of what I like, I might try, and hard limits. To be honest if Master had presented me with either of those when we were first starting, I would have panicked. I think a contract could be a good thing, as a starting point for discussions, but I also think, for me, it would have to be renegotiated regularly. The list, it would have had mostly hard limits checked off, I was simply looking to be spanked, so I could get it out of my system, out of my fantasies. (Yes , I did believe once would do it!)

    Many of the things that at one time I considered hard limits, we have done, and some I have wanted to keep trying;).  Yes, I still have some hard limits, but I do feel that they are in line with Master's. When I feel apprehensive or uncertain, I always have to option of saying...let's talk about this. When Master suggested a piercing, a few years ago, He had me research and look at articles and pictures and we talked about it a lot. It never  happened, but not because it continued to be a hard limit for me.

      Having written all the above , I also have to add....About 2 years ago, we were discussing something new...and I can't recall exactly what it was....but I was hesitant. As I though about it, I realized that if it was something Master really wanted to try;, I would try it, pleasing Him had moved way up on my list of priorities. I trust Him totally, He is not going to harm me, although it might hurt..lol...It took me by surprise to think that I had reached a point where I could be so open to Him, to His wants, needs.....and scared me a bit. But it is a good feeling, to know I can trust so completely without fear, I can be open with myself and know that there is someone who knows me, accepts me, and takes care of me. Thank You Master!

abby

10 comments:

  1. I agree with you. My hard limit list of years ago has long since been shredded. Can't think of anything on the list that would still stand today.

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  2. there is something to be said for wanting to please your master and push past your own reservations if it brings you delight at being able to serve his desires. (and i KNOW you simply adore being able to please him!)

    however i have seen some posts where the author expresses fear at having to please their master, but feel that it is an obligation and therefore won't say no. there is NO sense of fulfillment - only their feeling of being expected to comply.

    "this is what i signed up for, so i must, even tho it's not something i'm comfortable with"

    is very different from

    "this is not something i'm comfortable with but if master desires it then i will please him, for that is what pleases me the most!"

    see the difference?

    i worry for the "other" kind of sub. the ones who are driven by fear.

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  3. Great question, wish I had an answer. But, as I'm finding out hard limits can change. I have one big one that has become a soft limit and we continue to work on erasing that barrier. He doesn't push it, he's very subtle about how he approaches it, but he does continue to approach it in ways I can currently handle.

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  4. Yes, those limits can be a tricky thing. Things I would have never done a year a o I am happy to participate in now and then want to do it again. Trust is a huge part of that and I have recently realized I had a few hard limits I had never thought I would have had to have and they are all related to trust issues that as a couple you just have to work through.

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  5. Isn't evolution a wonderful thing? It seems our evolution goes in fits and spurts (hehe). I agree with those who've commented above - my original limits are now exciting experiences. I wonder what his answer would be about what he wouldn't ask of his submissive - beyond jail time =)

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  6. LOL at one spanking will cure the need... Yeah, not sure that worked, did it? :)

    This is a great post (right back at you) - limits. Those are interesting. I think that there are a lot of things that I don't like to do, that I am too lazy to do, or that I find distasteful, but there are not as many that I would NOT do. Water sports is a difficult one for me - as is a lot of edge play involving needles, breath or even suspension - I am afraid of heights you know!

    Anything of a moral nature - rape, incest, etc. - I even don't prefer to play act that and those are hard limits.

    I think pet play is a soft limit... to be honest, until I started reading the blogs, I didn't realize the true extent of the human mind's ability to invent things. It is prudent to take time and build up the trust, like you said. In my contract, I have always thought that I agreed to much of it because I had already been with Master for so long - I wouldn't have agreed to most of it with someone I knew less well. And again, like you said, I probably would have freaked if it had come at me cold.

    But it didn't. So it works for us. And yes, we are constantly renegotiating it, but that is because some subs just can't accept all the goodness they have.

    And Fondles - yes! An important distinction.

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  7. Abby, first welcome back. I read your post about being back, but I did not comment there. I wonder if you ever read Jake's blog Leather Cuffs and Silken Bonds. I think you would be on the same wave length with him on many things. I enjoy reading how he and his wife expand their limits.

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  8. Sunnygirl, Open minds, a willingness to try, and deep trust will bring us to interesting places! hugs abby

    Fondles, I do see the difference, and it is a big one. Thanks for showing the other side...submission out of fear is a far different thing than what I was thinking about. hugs abby

    faerie, that is the beauty of having someone who knows you and cares for you. Knowing how to get you pass a limit, in a way that works for you. hugs abby

    dancing, I agree, and trust is not an I have it, let's move on type of thing. It continues to grow, and allow your relationship to grow also. hugs abby

    SirQ...Great question, when I remember I will ask! hugs abby

    LOL...at...some subs can't accept the goodness....I am guilty! I agree with the moral nature and pet play. Reading blogs is a learning experience! hugs abby

    SNP, I had not read Jake's blog, but have now...thanks for mentioning it. I am in the process of going back, and reading old posts. hugs abby

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  9. I love your blog so far...my HOH and I are very new to the DD lifestyle, but have been together for 20 years. I told him just the other night that it scares me how much I desire to please him and how that desire overrides my own reservations. There is a specific activity that I have always tried to avoid. We would engage from time to time, but I never really enjoyed it. Since embarking on this new journey I have REALLY enjoyed it...twice! I think I enjoyed it so much because not only does the activity please him, but my enjoying it was pleasing to him as well.

    Thank you for being willing to put yourself out there for those of us still trying to figure this all out. It helps reading the blogs of others and realizing that I'm not alone and my feelings are normal.

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  10. Anonymous....Thanks for visiting and for the comment. One of the reasons I got hooked on blogs is exactly that...wondering if I was the only one who felt a certain way, or struggled with certain issues...it is very reassuring to know...tho we are different.,..we are all very much the same! good luck with your journey...may it be as wonderful and fulfilling as mine has been.
    hugs abby

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