Friday, September 28, 2012

A quick hello!

Hi there, from Boston!

    I have had a busy, somewhat exhausting week  helping out with my 3 year old and 5 month old grand-daughter. My bed time gets earlier every night! But, they are moments I would not give up for anything!

   Tomorrow we all fly to Orlando to meet up with the rest of the crew, major memory making time! We will be there for nine days...

  Question 21,,,,is there a position that makes you feel the most submission..(paraphrased, I looked up the question yesterday, planning on answering it, and feel asleep!)

     The first thing that comes to mind is kneeling. Kneeling is how we start our M/s time, I kneel and Master claims my body, Kneeling is also how we end  the time, kneeling is also a task I do often for Master ( I do one task, usually of my choice for Him each day...). Being over Master's lap, also gets me to that submissive spot, quickly. I wear cuffs to bed at night, and the smell, the feel, waking up and seeing them, when Master grabs my hair and holds me in place, or pulls me to a place He wants, that works too. Of course there is bondage,and getting a surprise text that says...get rid of the panties, or some other 'request'. I guess, I am surrounded by my submission, by Master, He is my safety net. 

hugs, I will say hi to Mickey and the princesses for all of you!
abby

Friday, September 21, 2012

A send off to remember!


     I am packed and ready to head to the airport early in the morning. My first stop is Boston, then next weekend will be meeting up with kids and grandkids at the Orlando airport for 9 days of Mickey, princesses, whales, and beaches....It is a trip we have been planning for a year, we all excited it is almost here.

   This afternoon was the last Master and my time for a while. We accept that time away is a given, I keep hoping it will get easier...

    Back to this afternoon....I had worn matching black lacy undies, I have been upgrading my choice of lingerie for Him, and matching sets are new. Only, I got there, we hugged and chatted as I undressed....just as I was kneeling, I said....$#@%..He looked at me..I forget to model my undies,,,He had seen the black lace panties, but had not noticed the bra. He said I could model when I put them back on....

     I am kneeling and Master is rubbing and pulling and pinching and reminding me to remember His smell, His touch, to take His strength with me, to take Him with me...Then He says, you get to choose a part of our fun today. I don't often get to choose, but Master had that look in His eyes that kept me from getting too excited.

    He had the large leather flogger out....my absolute favorite,,,and the large leather strop...all leather is good and a treat....the strop can leave my bottom very red and tingly and sore.
Master tells me I get to choose how many of each...now that's good news! There is a catch...of course there is....He is Master...how ever many I choose for the flogger is how many He will then also give me with the strop. That leaves me with a hard choice. Master chuckles and says....how about we start with 100 of each, and see where that leads. I am over the hammock and He stands on one side for 25 and alternates side after each 25. He also gives me what He calls...a flogger massage at that time....letting the strands flow all over my body. He starts off fairly lightly, but I am soon in my flogger haze, and even as they get much harder I am just laying there enjoying.  

   He finishes, and picks up the strop. Since Master used the flogger mostly on my back, by bottom is not warmed up....the strop is the warm up. It takes me a few to adjust, and is not nearly as nice as the flogger, but I do get rubs in between sets, and we get to 100.  Master kneels by me and checks to see if I have really been enjoying...I have. After adding to my 'wetness', He asks if I want 100 more. Yes Sir....good girl is the reply. For these 100 Master stands behind me, I love the feel of the flogger's long strands going down my back. Too soon is is strop time....and what a difference a warm up makes...I guess 100 with it makes a great warm-up. These are 'ouchy', but I am much better able to breathe and relax into them.
When Master is done, He kneels to check again, and laughs as He discovered the second set seemed much more to 'her'; liking. Master brings me close to the edge and asks if it is enough or would I like another set of 100 each. 

    I go for another set. This time Master stands in front of me with my head between His knees to steady me. This is a new position to be flogged in...and not my favorite. I prefer the flogger on my back...but, in was an interesting sensation, and did not diminish my love of the flogger. Now the strop in that position, is NOT a good thing. It reached down to my sit spots, and parts of my bottom that had not been warmed up at all. I did not get out of position, but I did get a little vocal, and moved my legs a bit. Master stopped after 50 to rub,and again after 75 to give me permission to cum while He was stropping me, but I knew that would not happen. In fact when He got to 90...I let out a ...not so hard....He did not ease up. When He was done, He reminded me, unless He tells me I can, I do not get to decided how a spanking proceeds. 

  He was kneeling beside me again, rubbing me all over, delighting in the heat my back and bottom were generating....feeling the welts on my bottom. I am trying to get Him to direct His attentions elsewhere...and He finally takes the hint. It does not take long before I am asking for a permission, Master continues to tug, circle, massage, until I feel like I am going to explode...Finally I hear...cum for me baby..

      I do,,again..and again...and them before I even realize it is happening, I am crying, the tears are just pouring out of me. I rarely cry....I always manage to stop myself....wishing that I could just let the tears flow and release the tension. This afternoon, I had no choice, it happened before I even realized it. Master is quickly pulling me up into a big hug, talking softly, telling me it is OK, He loves my tears, I say this is not me..I don't cry....Master replies...I worked long and hard for many years tearing down walls.... I love your tears, let them out...and I do.

     Finally I quiet, and Master goes over to sit on the sofa and beckons me to sit on His lap. I am always a little hesitant,,,,what if I don't fit.  As I start to sit, He arranges us so He is cradling me me very close to Him. We stay like that for a while, Master whispering to me, bolstering me, letting me know that I am His....that He takes care of me...that He will always be waiting for me.(Just typing this is bringing the tears back..) I am so comfortable, so relaxed, feel so safe there in His arms, I just want to close my eyes and sleep...right there. We stay as we are, quiet, enjoying for a while.

      Then I am kneeling, thanking, being reminded of what He expects while I am away. Yes, I do remember to model my undies for Him when I am getting dressed...He likes them, but would like a more lacy bra...one that is just for fun.  That man is changing so many things about me that I thought were written in stone...and I am loving it!

     I am bringing my little notebook with me..hoping to keep up with you a bit, and maybe even managing an occasional vanilla post to let you know what fun I am having!

Be good....but not good enough to not be spanked!
hugs abby

      

    

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Questions 19 and 20

  BRRRR..a chill in the air today, but I love Fall, the weather, the colors, it seems to give me more energy and positive vibes...til the first snow fall..LOL!

~19.  How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support and networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

    I am socially connected with all of you....and when I really need it, you always come through with your support. (Thanks!)  Before Master I did have a real life submissive 'friend'. In our vanilla lives we were as different as could be. She is younger than I am ( isn't almost everyone?), but had been in various D/s relationships for quite a while.  It was great meeting for lunch and being able to talk submission and I did learn from her. Sadly, once I met Master, and we started down our own D/s path, most of our meetings were spent, with her telling me what we were doing wrong, what I should tell Master to change..even at the early time for us, I knew that would not be a good idea! I eventually just stopped seeing her, she does contact me occasionally and we chat a bit, but I find I cannot be as open as I used to be with her. She did teach me an important lesson...everyone has to find what works for them...there is no one correct what to serve or dominate. Boy, did I get off topic..sorry.

    Master and I have never been to an event. Master went once, before he knew me, and was not impressed. I used to think that I would never want to, having "met" all of you, now I am not so sure, it could be a good thing. 

~~ 20. Has you submission increased or decreased over time?  Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feeling or circumstances?

    Positively increased! I think, like trust, submission comes in layers. The more you know each other, the more you trust, the more you are comfortable with your roles, the more you accept your feelings, the more submissive you become, you want to be. At least that is how I see it working for me. Master and I never had a formal contract, He claims I just totally gave myself to Him from the beginning, I think it took at least a little longer than that, but I do recall that even at our very first meeting, I was amazed at how comfortable this man made me feel. 


Time for a brisk fall walk..
hugs abby

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

M/M ..and question 18

       Master and I had lunch together yesterday...the main course was maintenance!

      I gained a pound, but Master has allowed for a 2 pound 'wriggle room', so I was OK...but I know I need more room before I leave at the end of this week.

     After my kneeling time I was over Master's knee.  The hairbrush was His 'weapon' of choice this day.  He started with in with it, fairly light ones, but still stingy...He decreed it to be my warm-up.  After short stop for some rubbing, He started in for a long session of much harder spanks. 
Finally a stop for some rubbing, then He tucks me in, and continues with rapid fire much harder spanks. I am squirming and getting vocal, when He finally stops.  Main course over, time for dessert!

       He checks to see if I enjoyed any part of that spanking, and even though I am denying it, He finds proof, that part of me had enjoyed it a bit. As Master put it...I was moist, not dripping, but He could remedy that...which He did! It felt soooo good, I was trying to put off asking for permission to cum, when Master warned me...cuming without permission was NOT a good idea...permission received I was off with sparks flying. 

      After some quiet recovery and chatting time, I was between Master's knees thanking Him, and too soon lunch time was over....but ohh so filling for so few calories! 

~Question 18

      Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn't true except in the absolute rarest of occasion, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?


       How does one lose the ability to have an opinion....no thought process?? Just my little pet peeve...on with the question.

      Master has always encouraged me to voice my opinions, suggestions, ideas, concerns..all of it. It has been an uphill battle for me, one that I am winning.

       When we first started, and I would have a concern, I tended to brood about it, let it simmer, until I was driving myself crazy, then I would get up in the middle of the night and send Him  a long email, if there was no response by early morning, I was frantic. (Master is not an every day check the email person...I still don't understand it...but I have learned to live with it.)  We would discuss the issue and Master would say, I needed to open up before I was in such a tizzy. Easy for Him to say.  But eventually the middle of the night emails came to a stop, but I still had the little voice that kept saying...don't top from the bottom.

      Master cleared that one up, by telling me, that telling Him what I might like, what scared me, what I might want to take baby steps towards...giving Him information was helping Him to make better decisions for both of us. I am not giving Him orders, I may not get everything I suggest, but He is always open to suggestions. 

     Now, most of our communication is verbal, we simply talk things out. Often Master sees another side of an issue I had not thought of, and sometimes the reverse is true. Yes, He is my Master, He is in charge, I am His, but we are a team....one that works at its best, when we communicate effectively.

   hugs abby

     
       

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Question 17


~What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

     Trust such a short word for such an important one.  Trust is important in any relationship, in the context of submission, it gains importance.

    For me, trusting Master with my physical self was a whole lot easier than trusting Him with the emotional me, with the "inner" me. The one that I had protected by building some very strong barriers.  Even Master will say....He put in a lot of hard labor, bringing those walls down. 
A lesser, or maybe even a smarter man, would have ceded the battle.

    I believe trust comes in layers, it builds upon itself, until finally your trust enough to take a leap of faith, and are willing to risk much to gain much.  Trust is a 2 way street...yes the submissive needs to trust her/his partner physically, emotionally, maybe with finances, in many various areas.  The submissive also needs to be trustworthy.
  
    Trusting is believing that your partner will do his/her best for you. Trusting is accepting that sometimes that best may fall short, but it is their best. Trust is both the basic building block of a relationship and the basis for growth.

 Aisha over at   http://beingaisha.wordpress.com/  cites this quote when answering this question:“The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they’re not, we cry.”
― Jewish Proverb

   It gives one a lot to think about.

   When I first read this question I thought...oh an easy one. As I sit here, I find it is not so easy. 

 hugs abby

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Debt paid off....:)

    My boys of summer let me down. I lost the bet with Master and Friday was pay up time. But it was also, celebrate time....I reached my goal for losing! No, I am not at my "ideal" weight, but I am closer than I was, and I need a break. If I can maintain until the beginning of the year, then we will see...and Yes Master I know....I have no choice but to maintain!

   I get to Master's yesterday and the acrylic paddle is sitting out waiting for me. After some hugging and chatting, Master has me get naked and get the playing dice out. There are 3 dice, one with numbers 1--30, one with different positions, and one with different 'toys'. Master says we will use the number and position ones, He will use the paddle. My first roll is 27....on all fours. Master does not go easy, and I am thinking I hope this is a short game. Second roll...12, in the corner. Then, Master says, lets use all three die, and He puts down the paddle...I instantly relax. Master says the game will have as many rolls as runs were scored in all 3 games. We agree it was 22, so 20 more rolls. 

    It was fun. By after about roll 5 Master says, next time I am adding a new rule to the game. Somehow I am not surprised that He wants to make it 'His'. If the same implement comes up twice, a different body part has to be spanked, three times a third part..etc. I have to admit, it would add another element to the game.

    All in all, I ended up with some pretty good rolls. There is a wild roll for implements and Master said that whenever that came up He would use the flogger!! I rolled a wild 3 times!!
The cane was rolled twice..once for only 2 :):). He also used the tawse twice, once on my thighs for 6..ouchy! Leather strapped was rolled 3 times...He use the large smooth one, the first time for 28, when He was done I said I had forgotten how much I loved that strap, He said He did too...HINT!  Other rolls were  hand, wood paddle, acrylic paddle, belt, and hair brush. Flogger is on there, but I never rolled it,,,,thank goodness it got to be the choice for rolling a wild!

   Positions included OTK, corner, standing, on all fours, over the arm of a chair, hands on wall,  hold ankles, bent over, kneeling and laying down. The numbered die goes from 1 -- 30, the lowest I rolled was 2, the highest 28. Mostly I rolled numbers in the 20's, and I did notice that Master tended to add a few when the number was below 20! When we finished, we both agreed it was fun, and Master even said if I am a good girl all week , it could be a Friday reward...He does know how to dangle a carrot.  

     Master then says, since this is a met my goal day, was I up for 100 with the flogger, I could choose the position. DUH, I was quickly settled in and ready. When using the flogger instead of stopping to rub, Master will stop and just trail the flogger all along my bottom, reaching as many parts as possible...I have a hard time deciding if it is more relaxing or exciting..hmm...exciting!
After the first 50, Master makes the next 25 harder. Then He stops and asks if I want harder for the last 25...I say..no this level is good. Master says..OK, 15 more at this level, then 10 much harder ones...When He is finished, He gives my back a nice massage. commenting on how warm and tingling it feels...my insides are melted and I just want to lay still and enjoy my little piece of 'heaven' for a while longer. 

    Finally I have recovered enough to move, Master has me go over His lap, so He can check on 'her' and make sure 'she' is happy too.  It does not take long for all of us to be in the happy zone, then on to the ecstatically happy zone! As I snuggle up into Master's "fur". I am so content, and sated, once again I am reminded, how very lucky I am!

    I had the thought, if any of you are interested, it would be easy enough to make up your game, 
you could write on pieces of paper, tokens, ping pong balls....and if you are really brave, you could ask your partners to fill in some of the spaces...!

have a good weekend all
hugs abby

     


Friday, September 14, 2012

a lost bet...couple more questions..

   TGIF to all of you, since I am retired pretty much every day could be Friday, but weekends are still special!

   So, if you have been reading here you know that I am  Red Sox fan and Master roots for those bad boys....Yanks! We often place a wager on the games, often they are battling it out for first place at the end of season. This year to sox are out of it...BOO HOO and the Yanks are fighting to stay in it. They played a series this week. Sox won first game,..we had not wagered on that one. Master suggested a bet for the second game....I said if sox won, I get a warm up flogging and we get to play with some spanking dice that I  bought a while ago...Master said He would roast my bottom with a paddle...I thought that was not very creative, but I do realize that Master can always just do what He want. Sox lost, but I convinced Mater we should roll over our wager to who won the third game, since it was tied.  I hate to even type it, but my boys let me down!
Maybe Master will forget??

Question 15

~Has your submission evolved over time? If so how has it evolved for you?

      Honestly when I first read this question, my first thought was...how could it not?? Either relationships evolve and grow, or stagnate and slowly die. I have sadly been on both ends.

    I rarely assume anything when it comes to Master, but I think it is safe to say, that both Master and I have grown in our roles, and in our relationship.   Always easy???....not by a long shot, but worth it....so much!

   Are there times of status quo, yes but rarely of just being satisfied with what we have, and being complacent. 

   For me, I started out just wondering what it would be like to be spanked, to admitting my submissive nature, to working to allow Master to bring down long standing walls, to knowing that being "HIS" is what brings me satisfaction and peace. 

   Is there more road to be traveled...oh yes! Where will it lead...who knows?

Question 16

~Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? 

      I have only ever been in one submission relationship...this one. I cannot imagine submitting to another. I do believe that each relationship is unique, so submission would also change.

Thanks for reading
hugs abby



Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Answering more questions

    It is a beautiful day..has been all week, sunny and cool, great walking weather!

Question 13

~Is sexual availability, being available to your Partner at any time he/she wants part of your submission.

       Yes it is a part of my submission. All of me is His, every single part, He takes good care of all those parts.  I am to be available and open to Him at all times. I used to always cross my ankles when Master spanked me OTK, Master took that as a sign that I was closing part of myself to Him...I argued it was just a reflex...I never thought about it. It is a small thing, but I do now think about it and no longer cross them...Master is aware of even the small things.

    In a way, Master gave me back my sexuality. When you are told, many times, that you are too hard to arouse, that you do not respond in the way you should, that everything takes too long...well you finally decide it just isn't worth it. I never expected to retrieve that part of me, had learned to live without it...did not even think I was missing that much. Master has shown me, taught me differently.  Way back, when we were first starting our journey, Master has sent me a text one night...cum for me. It had been a long teaching day, lots of aggravations, so I replied...No Thanks.  To put it mildly, it was a mistake I have not ever thought of repeating. It almost did us in, and  He made the punishment fit the crime....

   In this area, Master has totally changed my perception of myself. 

     So, I have learned to be totally open to Him, even when I might be tired or grumpy or whatever. I have to add...Master always makes it worth my time and cooperation. 

~Are there limits to this?

    Limits....such a tricky word. The simple answer is since I am to be totally open to Him, no there are not limits. But I believe everybody has limits. Since I have been with Master have my limits been tested and pushed...OH yes....Items that would have been on a hard limits list are now on a 'done that ' list.  I have always had to option of asking Master if we can talk about any decision He makes....as long as I ask respectfully my request is always accepted. So far, limits  have not been a problem, I think we share the same hard limits.


Question 14

Does Religion have any bearing on our decision to submit?  

     No, religion does not not have any bearing on my desire to submit.

If not, are you familiar with religious based submission?
   
    Vaguely, but not with any real knowledge.

hugs abby

.


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Back to M/M day

   Yesterday we actually got back to M/M day...maintenance Monday.  Not that He has skipped maintenance, but it has been jumping around according to our schedules.  I loss 1/2 pound over the weekend, I am getting soooo close!

   As I went to greet Master I noticed the hair brush on the side table and the fan was on. It was finally a cooler day here yesterday, but as Master said, you always seem to heat up quickly and need some air....He is so right! .  I was soon naked and kneeling, and Master was using His magical touch to remind me that I am all His.  I then was over His lap for a hand warm up, which included His hand traveling up and down my thighs and legs....just to remind me, nothing is off limits. 

    He helped me up and then said that since I have been quite good lately, He is giving me a choice for maintenance. I rarely...like never...get to choose any part of maintenance. My choices were...the brush which is often used for maintenance or Master's belt. Now I am a leather girl, my choice was easy. There is also something enticing about seeing and hearing Him remove His belt. Master also said instead of bending over the ottoman, I could lay flat and relax a bit. I eagerly got ready!

     Master started off fairly lightly, aiming at my whole bottom, then one side and the other. He would stop and rub, then increase the intensity. Just as I was really just melting into the kiss of the leather, He started to go up and down my back. They were not heavier slaps, but I was surprised.  In fact, it was not as nice as the flogger, but quite similar. Then back to concentrate on my bottom. I was at the point where i was welcoming each touch of His belt and anticipating the next one, when there was a slight delay, and then 10 much harder ones. I stayed in place, but became more vocal. Master then asked me why we have maintenance, a standard question, after I caught my breath, I replied...to keep me out of trouble and keep us out of the basement.

     Satisfied by my answer, Master then said....last 10...hard ones...you count. I did and they were harder, but oh...it was His belt!

       Maintenance out of the way, Master had me stand then sit on His lap, my back up against His chest. He had me spread me legs as far as I could and lean back and just relax. He grabbed one of my nipples with one hand, and the other one reached into my pussy. He was just barely rubbing and pulling, making me really want more. He told me to close my eyes pretend I am standing across the room watching.  What I see is a wanton woman, wanting Her Master to touch her more, legs spread, clit on display, breathing shortened a nice rosy glow to my whole body...a responsive , sexy woman. (Yes I have had a problem with that image, Master is succeeding in convincing me very nicely!)  

     Master then asked me if I was ready to cum for Him, I replied, almost. He said I can remedy that, and His light touches we gone replaced with touches from a man on a mission! His mission was quickly accomplished..a few times...then I was told to just lay back on Him, and relax, feeling the support of my Master.  

      Now that is a maintenance day I would not mind repeating!

    hugs abby



Sunday, September 9, 2012

Submission questions 11 and 12

  Hope you all had a good weekend!

~11.  Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?  How do you define service?  What does it mean to you?


    Yes, service is a big part of my submission. My definition of service is to do whatever He asks or desires. As I have grown in my submission, anticipating His needs is also part of my service.  My top priority is pleasing Him. The tricky part of service for me is.... always doing it with a smile or a happy heart. 

~12. Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission?
Are you familiar of the concept of financial submission?

    When I first read this I thought...heck no! I cannot imagine not having control over my finances, or having to ask before I spent any money. I guess somehow it ties into seeing myself as having value somehow.  Then I remembered, a few years ago I had run up a credit card. I wanted to pay it off...but just could not get a handle on it.  I asked Master for help...not an easy decision for me.   He agreed, and set up a few rules, I had to be able to pay off twice as much as I had charged each month. That worked for a couple months, then I blew it, and could not pay off twice what I had charged. Master told me to give Him my credit card, when I had the balance at an acceptable level I would get it back...and, I was not to charge more than I could pay  off on any other card. I almost could not do it, but I really wanted the darn thing payed off, so much to my surprise I handed over the card....I guess that was when I first realized how much I had come to trust this man...not just with my physical being, but with all parts of me. I did pay it off,  I got the card  back, and have been a much more responsible consumer...most of the time! 

   I had never heard or thought of the term financial submission, until I read this question.

   nite all
  hugs abby

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Please get out of my head!

     I hate it when I think that Master has taken up residence in my head...He loves it!  Sometimes I have conversations in there that I prefer He not hear, and some thoughts are very much better undiscovered.  Yesterday, Master had settled in with a lounge chair!

    I loss weight...only 1 pound to go til my goal...and I get a maintenance break  YAHOO!!!
I was pleased are relieved, mostly because I just was not in the mood for a hard spanking. I was not in the best submissive head space. 

    I walk into Master's and before even my hug, He asks how I am. I try to use my convincing voice to say fine...his look tells me I did not succeed. After the hugs, He asks if anything is wrong, I say no, just feeling out of sorts. As we walk in to the living room I hear Him say, He has made a new cane...really 2, one long and thin, the other shorter but thicker. I gave Him my "you have got to be kidding" look...He chuckles. I remind Him that I lost weight , He reminds me how proud He is of me, and He wants to play with the canes today.

     I am getting undressed, rather slowly, and Master asks me about my undies. I had a new black lace pair on, He likes them and say I may keep them on. I am kneeling and Master is doing His best to get me into a submissive spot, He is claiming all of my body, telling me what He is doing, that I belong to Him, and naming each part as He claims it, it feels nice, but all I can think about is CANE...*&^&%!

     Finally He tells me I may get up, leave my panties on and lean over the ottoman, legs apart and bottom nice and high. It takes me a bit, He tells me to focus, this is not a punishment.  I am expecting to feel His hand...you know a warm-up...but i hear the cane shortly before I feel it. Six with the longer one...I am squirming and and ouching. Master stops and says, let's pull these down, they don't seem to be giving you any protection anyway. He pulls them just down to below my bottom. Six more then we will switch to the shorter one. They HURT...Master tells me once again to focus and breathe. He picks up the shorter one, I almost pull up out of position. Master reminds me that I know better than to move my hands off that ottoman. After six, He asks which hurts more, I say both. Hmmm, He guesses He will have to work harder to get me in the right space.

     He tells me to thank Him after each one, I let out out a big puff of air, He asks if that was  a Yes Sir He mis-heard. I thank Him but slowly and quietly. After 6 more Master says, lets try a thank You Sir, may I have another. I look at Him, as He pulls back, I mutter the phrase, Master says, He will not start counting til I sound like I mean it. (all of you who think He is always a nice guy....)  I finally give in, and try to sound convincing, and Master is satisfied. He says He knew He had His work cut out for Him when I walked in, and He was right. We had not talked, just sent a text, how could He tell....

   Master then reaches in to see if I was 'secretly' enjoying the caning..not so much, but He soon remedied that....and had me squirming for a better reason. Then I hear Him say, I need His cock, I had my eyes closed when I am told to open them ...and there it is waiting for me.I am told to be sure I get it nice and wet and ready...which I do...and then Master steps behind me and I am off and soon spent. I sat over the ottoman for a while, Master is rubbing my back and arms and face.

    When I can finally get up, we sit to discuss my list of ideas on staying connected while away for 3 weeks. THANKS to all of you, I have a list that is quite full of ideas. He wants me to read them to Him and we discuss each on a bit. I get to the one about Him giving me a restriction, a different one for each week, or the same one for all three. I say, You know like...no wine or french fries, maybe no computer games. He looks at me and says...no ice cream...I look at him with my mouth open...OH...He says...you thought of that one and did not want to mention it to me....BINGO.

   Then I get to one that is naked kneeling in position before bed, thinking about Master and His words. I say I could do that one while in Boston, but not in Florida, since I will be sharing a room with 1 or 2 little ones. Master says you will be alone in the bathroom, I break out laughing and say to Him...please get out of my head. OH...He says...you thought of that too, HUH....chuckling. I am in there to stay get used to it!

     Master told me to type the list, and prioritize it according to what I think would be most effective in helping me, keeping in mind the ones that would be the most doable, and we will discuss them again. 

hugs abby



Friday, September 7, 2012

thank you!...more submissive questions

  First....THANK YOU all so much for the great ideas on ways to stay connected to Master when I am away. I was very pleased with my list, Master gets to choose and tweak it, my plan is to eventually try them all! You are all AWESOME!

   Back to the submissive questions...(this is going to be much more than a 30 day project for me..)

Question 9

~Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as part of your submission?

     Yes structure and rules are a part of my submission, they help me to live my submission every day. Structure in my mind teams up with rituals. We don't have a lot of those, but those that are in place help me get to the correct 'mind set', which sometimes is a good thing...vanilla life can get overwhelming! The one that is the most used is my naked kneeling time , a time to close everything out and just concentrate on Him and me, a time to breathe, relax, and focus.
I occasionally use the naked kneeling time when I am alone, just to center and calm me.

    Rules are also a part of my submission. They have been added slowly, mostly one at a time. I usually don't even think of most of them as rules....even if I struggle a  bit when they are first added, they eventually just become a part of me and my life.  Master is wise in His choice of rules, since most them are a benefit to me..and to Us. 

  Limits...not as easy to write about. I believe that everybody has limits. There are some blogs that I read with my jaw open thinking OMG! I have not set in stone or written on paper limits. When I first Master, what I viewed as limits were many, many of which are now routine. Yes, Master pushes me, but He has a wonderful sense of when I am ready. I guess the trick with limits is that the two of you agree on the hard and fast ones. 


Question 10

~ Does any part of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationship?
    yes..and yes..and yes again!

~ How do you feel about BDSM is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existant?

       I guess core, but my submission is much more than just that. Master and I have never attended a party or played with a group, so that is non-existant. But our own play is BDSM related, and I know I would miss that element, and pretty sure He would also if it were to disappear. So, I guess it is core.

hugs abby



Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I need some ideas,,HELP!


Warning...this ended up being on the long side....sorry!


      My  weigh in on Tuesday was plus 1/2.....Master simply said I will see you this morning...He had  root canal scheduled for after lunch. I was a little concerned about the gain, but something else had me more concerned. I am supposed to get permission from Master before making any  plans...appointments, time with friends, trips...I struggled at first with this one, but had settled in and realized, as usual, it was not as difficult as it first seemed. Master's goal is not to keep me from doing any of these things, but to remind my that i am His.

    I had made plans for 2 trips....3 weeks each. The plans were made, and I had not mentioned it to Master yet.  I meant to, but I just kept trying to get things settled , and trying to limit my time away before I spoke to Master.  Then I realized, everything was set, except, Master had no idea.  I had to let Him know....I drove myself a little crazy thinking about how to start in, what words to use, and then tried to just not think about it...yeah like that would work.

    So, after Master and I hugged, I quickly said to Him we need to discuss something. He nodded and sat waitng. I told Him about the plans for the trips, why the timing was what it is, and why they both are 3 weeks away.  I continued saying I was not all that happy about the time away, and I would struggle with missing Him, but it was the best I could come up with. I waited, and finally Master said, so everything is set and you have no permission....He knows how to cut to the chase. He reminded me that He would never tell me  I could not spend time with my grandkids or family, but that asking permission is to help me keep the proper 'head space'...all of me belongs to Him. He asked how my upset I got myself thinking about this conversation and how it could have been easily avoided. He reminded me we are partners, He is there for me to lean on, and He could have helped and maybe suggested alternate plans. I replied I just felt like I had to straighten everything out before I mentioned it. There are lots of rewards to coming to submission later in life....but, for me, one of the difficulties, is realizing I don't have to do it all by myself is one that I still am getting used to. 

   Master told me to get naked and kneeling, and as He was pulling and pinching my nipples He reminded me of the above again. Then He had me go OTK and said it had been a long time since I had a hard paddling....really on some things He has a short memory....so I should settle in.  He started lightly, but moved to medium to hard fairly quickly. He stopped after one set to remind me, He was being kind by giving me this warm-up. He then asked if I wanted maintenance first or my spanking for not asking for permission for my trips. As I was debating in my head....He announced maintenance would be last. 

    He starts in at the hard level and continues for one very long session. I am trying to stay still, and sort of manage, but I am becoming quite vocal. It reaches the point where the spanks and my bottom are all I can think about.  Finally He stops, announces time for maintenance, gives me a quick rub, and tucks me in. He is going at it, fast and hard and I am trying to adjust. Just about the time when I think my bottom might be getting a little numb, He moves for the last 10 to my thighs,,,I am not longer staying still or quiet.  When He is finished He asks if He has made His point.  His fingers reach in and I am relaxing and enjoying and getting wetter, when He pulls out and reminds me....permissions are not granted when I have received a punishment. 

    He reminds me that He still expects a pound lost by Friday, any less than that will result in a basement visit, He tells me to stand, and since it has been a while since we have been in  the basement we should go there and stir up some memories. I don't think it is necessary, but He grabs my hand and we are off to the basement. Once down there He asks if there are any pleasant memories floating in my head..I assure Him, there are none.  He tells me if we return here on Friday...I will be striped from my bottom down my legs....my discomfort will be His pleasure. 

     We head back up, and Master announces He has a task for me., and if you are still reading this...this is where I really need some ideas. Master wants me to come up with a list of 10 ways we can stay connected while I am away. He wants it on Friday, and He wants new ideas...no calling and texting since that is already part of our daily routine. I thought about it last night, and am a long way from having 10 ideas...so anything you can suggest would greatly be appreciated!  Thanks!

~ question # 8 is...Is spanking or corporal punishment part of your submission. Why/Why not?

     Obviously the answer is YES....because it has been since the beginning and it is what we agreed to.

 hugs abby

    

Monday, September 3, 2012

submission question #7

     If you are celebrating Labor Day, hope it is full of fun and laughs...and spanks....and not much labor!

~Do you accept and/or expect discipline and punishment as part of your submission? How do you feel about it?


     Yes, I have accepted that punishment is part of our D/s. Do I expect it.....I try not to, but since my halo tends to get a little tarnished at times, it does happen.

     When Master and I first started out, punishment we a big part of our dynamic. I was new to BDSM, and was testing it. Did He mean it, would He follow through....YES and YES.  I was also just learning what it really meant to be His Submissive. Eventually I realized that I wanted to obey, to follow the rules, because I wanted to please Him. Once I realized that, punishments started to decline. I also like to think I finally caught on to what submission really is, and how to be the submissive that Master wanted. 

    I have heard the question, if you enjoy spanking, how is spanking ever really a punishment?
Trust me, a punishment spanking from Master is one to avoid. What makes it that....

        My head space....I know Master is disappointed and upset, I know this is not going to be a pleasant time together, I know that Master does not want to have to spank twice for the same things, so He makes the one He is giving me, memorable.

        Where it happens..for us that is the basement. Not a nicely finished one, just a regular basement.  

         Master's tone....He sets the tone from the time I walk in...He can be standing by an open cellar door. pointing to the stairs.....His look is one of determination and "Domness". His voice, His words....

         What Master uses....often wood...heavy and big! There is a big paddle ball paddle He bought for a dollar at a garage sale,,,,I would pay someone much more if anyone is interested.
Sometimes the cane or a switch. Never leather.

          Once He is finished, and I have thanked Him (yeah) and assured Him that I have learned my lesson, there are hugs and some quiet time together....never any permission for at least 24 hours.

         Punishments are now rare....for 2 reasons. One being maintenance spankings, which Master sees as a deterrent to punishment. They are weekly and they are hard spankings, hard enough that I have no desire for anything harder. Also, and most importantly He is great at rewards.  He makes sure that a good weigh in or completing a task are rewarded with spankings that I can't get enough of. 

     How do I feel about all this....I guess it just is. We have developed expectations and rituals that work for us.

   hugs abby

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Who knew...so many way to cum!

    Don't you hate it when 'They' know to ask the exact question you don't want to hear?

    First word out of Master's mouth were....did you lose a full half or did you round up? I knew He could tell the answer by the look of my face. I fessed up it was really .04 of a pound. After a short pause, He told me I still owed Him 1.6...and i grinned..Yes Sir!

    Master is a Master at giving me orgasms. Yes, that amazes me, since before Master they were very elusive! His new goal seems to be to show me how many different ways I can orgasms...who should argue with that goal?

     We started, as always with my naked kneeling. He was barely touching my breast, whispering into my ear, feel the tingle, feel it going right to your pussy, fell yourself getting wet...since just His voice can get all that in progress, I was feeling it all. He then stopped to get my little 'wheelie' out of my bag. He started with using it mostly on my breast, my nipples, over and under my breast and still talking into my ear. He then progressed upward leaving a trail up my neck and then back down to my feet, up the other leg, the same journey. My skin was so alive, my sense so alert, I was trying to remember to breathe. He then told me to lean over one knee and He repeated the journey on my back. From my neck down to my toes, spending more time on my bottom. I could feel myself moisten. He the reached in and showed me way number 1.

    Master then reached into my bag and took out my plug,  the medium sized one. I always tense, and Master gives me the line....it's going in whether you relax or not...so relax. Once it is in place He starts to rub and twist...telling me can I cum from His playing with my plug. He then says He is going to 'fuck' me with it 50 times....and yes that is way #2.

     Master then takes out my light 'froggy' paddle, and starts to spank my bottom, lightly at first, then adding speed and more ouch...He repeats His question....can this make you cum? Way number 3.

     Master then decides I need both holes filled. So I am kneeling with my bottom up and He reaches and fulls my pussy. The thrusting is fast and furious....need I say...#4! I immediately fall face first totally spent...I hear Master say...are you calling uncle? I could not even answer Him. He started to rub my legs and back, just letting me recover and gain awareness once again.
Yes I was crying uncle....but something tells me....He will find more ways!

  Hope you all have a great weekend....Last one of summer here...
  hugs abby