It is almost TGIF..hang in there all!
How do you know you are submissive?
Well, for a very long time I did not know...in fact up until Master, I would have laughed as I denied it. I grew up in the 60's...woman's lib was in full force. I am the oldest in my family, so I was the 'leader'. I was the first of very many cousins to leave our small hometown and go to college. I was determined to be an in charge, be the one in control, the have it all woman.
And, for the most part I succeeded. I became know as the 'go-to' person to get things done.
Teaching, being a mom, a friend, a volunteer, I was usually one of the 'in charge' leaders. I had succeeded....but every now and then I would wonder,,,,why do I not feel more satisfied? I had been having fantasies about being spanked, would always feel like ...where is that coming from...and try to forget it.
Then one day I typed spanking into my computer. Ahh..I was not alone. But I did not immediately associate spanking with submission. I was talking to a few others on-line and one day, one of them asked me if I had ever thought about submission. I laughed and said ...oh if you only really knew me , you would know better. He replied, when you are ready, and when you meet the right person, let me know. I laughed it off.....then I met Master.
At first, I did not even associate spanking with submission, but slowly Master (who at the time was more like my Top) helped me to look inside myself, to break down walls, to realize that indeed, I was locking up an important part of myself. I came to appreciate the times when I did not have to be the 'in charge' person, when I could let someone else lead me. I learned that much of my missing sexuality was right there.....in my submissiveness. I started to let go and could feel myself breathing easier, feeling like I had found "me".
Still today, if you asked 100 people who know me....submissive or dominant...at least 99 would say positively dominant! I am still me....but a more complete me.
How do you feel when you express your submission?
Not sure I can fully explain this one. I feel at peace, like I have become whole. Serving Master
brings me joy and fulfillment. I have discovered a sexuality I never thought I had, I know what it is like to trust so totally and openly, that I can let those darn very heavy and strong walls, that I built in me along the way the crumble, and not panic...at least some of the time.
As Master is fond of telling me....we have each found the other halves of our coins....we are whole.