Wednesday, June 13, 2012

I have been busy doing more blog reading than writing. Thank you all for those interesting posts and all your sharing. I do more reading than commenting, but I appreciate all of you.

Monday was maintenance day. I lost a pound over the weekend, which was a wonderful surprise..weekends are always a little trickier. Master also is in a "push the sub" mood lately. He gave me a few extra tasks over the weekend, which certainly deepened my submissive feelings...pretty sure that was His goal.

When I arrived at Master's on Monday, the first thing I saw was a cane in the laundry basket. I looked at Him and He said yep..the cane. I did remind Him that I had loss a pound, He assured me wasn't punishing me, just maintenance. Yeah...just...I was skeptical, at best.

As always we started with kneeling time, and Master warming and re-claiming every inch of me. Then over His lap for a very long hand warm-up. He then used His talented hands to get me to the point of wanting a permission. After maintenance, was His reply. I said now... He then said you have permission to cum as much as you want while I am caning you.

Now, I have cum from a spanking with His hand or even the paddle. This was another level. But I was so wanting to cum, I just wanted to get maintenance over. He had me stand and lean over the ottoman, and He started in fairly lightly, increasing at a slow rate. His voice kept reminding me I could cum at any time. Although the caning was not as painful as usual, I was not able to cum just from the pain. I have to say, I am not sure if I am disappointed or relieved. Master finally stopped and put His hands to work getting very aroused again. Finally the release I had been needing was on its way...and I was cumming. Master did say that I had taken a fairly hard caning and had stayed in place and not complained.

Later, when we were snugging and chatting and Master said, guess I am breaking more walls. I looked at at Him, surprised. We have talked about the fact that He has torn down, crumbled, walls, but never breaking. I told Him that word has been used in a lot of blogs in " breaking a submissive". When I first heard the term, I was bothered by it, and kept thinking..what if you break him/her, and cannot fix it. I do realize different strokes for different folks, and everyone's definitions vary, but it still left me uncomfortable.

As I continued reading, I found different understandings of the term. Nilla, suggested I substitute opening instead of breaking, which helped me tremendously. Opening me up is what Master (and i) have been working on...breaking down walls that were..are..very sturdy and were meant to lass a lifetime. Master related the term breaking to opening also. To helping me become more open and vulnerable..a scary proposition at best. He has made amazing progress, and it is what I want to be totally vulnerable and open to Him....

hugs abby


  1. I, for one, like the opening side of "breaking" and will be using that from now on... maybe I should write an "Open me, Baby" blog. :)

  2. I am glad to read you're doing well Abby! Sara

  3. Kitty...Sounds like a good topic..go for it! abby

    Sara..thanks for dropping by...abby