Friday, June 22, 2012

almost time for the "grandma" hat

I just spent some lovely quiet time with Master, before the craziness of 4 little ones under the age of 4! We hugged and chatted, I received a leisurely, long hand spanking, we were totally relaxed and enjoying each other. It was a nice calm and quiet time, some place for me to remember when I am in the chaos of the next couple weeks.

One of things we talked about was "sub space". I feel like there have been times when I have almost been there, but not quite. Master said I have been knocking at the door, but not opened it yet. I think like crying, it is not something you can force or grab, it just has to happen. Something to look forward to.

As soon as my daughter gets home we are off to NJ. Tomorrow we celebrate a 1 year old birthday, and on Sunday the 4 year old has her first dance recital. My daughter will be returning on Monday, I will stay the rest of the week.

Then it is back home and everyone comes to grandma's. My daughter and her spouse, and son and his wife, are going to take turns going away overnight. We have a big 4th of July picnic planned, and the rest of the time we will just let happen.

I will try to keep up with all of you, and maybe get a quick post up here, so you can hear about all the fun....hope you get your own fireworks on the 4th of July!

hugs abby

Monday, June 18, 2012

Maintenance Monday...or was it punishment?

My report to Master this morning was a 1/2 pound gain. To my way of thinking, for a weekend, not bad. Master's way of thinking...we do not go backwards. I have also been in kind of a "funk". Master has been so busy with this project at work, and I am trying to get the house organized for a visit from all the grandchildren..at once! That means safe for a 2 month old, a 1 year old, a 3 year old, and a 4 year old! I have been planning lots of fun projects..it will be hectic, but fun!

Master decided we would spend His lunch time together. I wasn't sure what to expect, but He had not mentioned the "P" word. After our hugs and some chat, I was told to get ready...naked and kneeling. I had sent Him an email over the weekend, outlining my plans for the next three weeks, He had not commented. So I asked if He had read His email over the weekend. He said the one about Your plans. There was a problem with that email. I looked up at Him...He was giving my nipples a pretty good workout, so concentrating was little difficult. I was puzzled...He continued...you did a good job of telling me about your plans, but not a single question or may I? We had discussed some of the plans a while ago, so I did feel like I already had permission. Master said it would not hurt to include a please or may I...and to be honest if I had been feeling more submissive, I probably would have. He did warn me that just because He just about always says yes....He could easily say no...and make a point.

Master then went a got the tawse. The one I gave Him as a birthday present, and loved the first ...and only ...time we have used it. I smiled, since I had been thinking over the weekend, I wish He would use the tawse again. Ever heard of the saying...be careful what you wish for??

Master then informed me that this was going to be maintenance not punishment. Since we did not go to the basement and we did have some play time afterwards, with permissions granted, it was not technically punishment...

I was told to lean over the ottoman an stick my bottom up and out. He started right in with the tawse, no warm-up, and the swats were quick and hard. I moved one of my legs up off the floor and was told the next time, that would get me a swat on my thighs. I could could cry, yell, but I was not to move my legs off the floor. I did try, but I ended up earning 2 swats on my thighs. Yes they hurt a lot more, it took all of my determination to keep it at 2. Master continued with several sets of 12. I honestly have no idea how many, but He switched sides after each set.

He finally seemed to be done, and just as I was breathing quietly and relaxing I felt 2 hard swings on my back. I howled....they were unexpected and very sharp. Master, as He often does, asked me if there was any part of me that does not belong to Him. The reply is...all of me belongs to You, Sir.

I was allowed up, but Master was not done. I was told to hold out my breast. Without thinking I hugged myself, covering them. Master quietly repeated what He wanted, and I obeyed. I got 2 sharp smacks to each breast, and yes...they did sting, a lot! Master tole to rub some of the pain out, and He then proceeded to take pictures.

I was then invited over Master's lap. There was lots of rubbing and tugging and getting me very wet. When I first went over His lap, I was thinking, I will not cum. I should know better by now. Master asked if I wanted to cum for Him. I answered honestly, I wanted to say no.....but I could not. I just had to cum for Him. He chuckled, and said, being under His control is such a turn on for me. I had always been the one in charge, til He came along. I had to agree, and beg for permission. I was told to cum long and hard for Him...and I did several times, til I was totally spent. As I lay over His lap, panting and sated, with a sore bottom and breasts. I felt it wash over me....that feeling of submission, of being His, of peace and calm and acceptance.

So punishment or maintenance....some of both I guess..which was exactly what I needed.

hugs abby

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

I have been busy doing more blog reading than writing. Thank you all for those interesting posts and all your sharing. I do more reading than commenting, but I appreciate all of you.

Monday was maintenance day. I lost a pound over the weekend, which was a wonderful surprise..weekends are always a little trickier. Master also is in a "push the sub" mood lately. He gave me a few extra tasks over the weekend, which certainly deepened my submissive feelings...pretty sure that was His goal.

When I arrived at Master's on Monday, the first thing I saw was a cane in the laundry basket. I looked at Him and He said yep..the cane. I did remind Him that I had loss a pound, He assured me wasn't punishing me, just maintenance. Yeah...just...I was skeptical, at best.

As always we started with kneeling time, and Master warming and re-claiming every inch of me. Then over His lap for a very long hand warm-up. He then used His talented hands to get me to the point of wanting a permission. After maintenance, was His reply. I said now... He then said you have permission to cum as much as you want while I am caning you.

Now, I have cum from a spanking with His hand or even the paddle. This was another level. But I was so wanting to cum, I just wanted to get maintenance over. He had me stand and lean over the ottoman, and He started in fairly lightly, increasing at a slow rate. His voice kept reminding me I could cum at any time. Although the caning was not as painful as usual, I was not able to cum just from the pain. I have to say, I am not sure if I am disappointed or relieved. Master finally stopped and put His hands to work getting very aroused again. Finally the release I had been needing was on its way...and I was cumming. Master did say that I had taken a fairly hard caning and had stayed in place and not complained.

Later, when we were snugging and chatting and Master said, guess I am breaking more walls. I looked at at Him, surprised. We have talked about the fact that He has torn down, crumbled, walls, but never breaking. I told Him that word has been used in a lot of blogs lately..as in " breaking a submissive". When I first heard the term, I was bothered by it, and kept thinking..what if you break him/her, and cannot fix it. I do realize different strokes for different folks, and everyone's definitions vary, but it still left me uncomfortable.

As I continued reading, I found different understandings of the term. Nilla, suggested I substitute opening instead of breaking, which helped me tremendously. Opening me up is what Master (and i) have been working on...breaking down walls that were..are..very sturdy and were meant to lass a lifetime. Master related the term breaking to opening also. To helping me become more open and vulnerable..a scary proposition at best. He has made amazing progress, and it is what I want to be totally vulnerable and open to Him....

hugs abby

Saturday, June 9, 2012

pain...or..pleasure

Not that long ago I considered pain and pleasure to be two entirely different entities. Everyone experiences pain in their life, and the same with pleasure. That the two could be meshed, one producing the other, was not something I even considered possible. Then I met Master.

My report on Friday was 1 pound lost. It was a loss, always a good thing, but I had really stepped things up and expected better results. Master was pleased with the loss, and I decided not to whine...

As I was kneeling for Master, He said...you worked really hard for that pound this week. I shrugged and agreed. Master said He noticed and appreciated my extra effort, and that we both know the scale does not always play fair. But if I keep it up, the scale will catch up. I know a pep talk when I hear one, I agreed. Master went on to remind me that even better the one pound loss keeps us out of the basement, and that is certainly a plus! I had to agree that was a big plus. Then , with a gleam in His eye..He added, and I get to reward you. Hmmm, that one pound was getting better and better.

I was invited over Master's lap, for a wonderful long hand spanking. I was totally relaxed, keeping beat with His spanks by tapping my foot. Of course, He would take a break and his fingers would roam to be sure I was not falling asleep. Suddenly I felt brush bristles on my bottom and legs. Master said He wanted to work on the pain/pleasure connections. I was a little concerned, I know there is a connection, I know it exists for me, although I don't understand it. What if it ends up being only pain?

Master turned the brush to the wooden side, and started in slowly. That brush of often used for maintenance and it is not my favorite toy...LEATHER, is in Master's bag, at least it used to be. (Yes that is a big hint!) Back to the brush, as Master slowly increased the strength of His spanks, I found myself wanting more, I was arching up to meet that brush, and I could feel myself becoming very aroused. Master stopped to check on my arousal, helped me over the edge, and made sure I was close to cumming again. Then He started in with the brush. I heard myself say harder, more, I felt Master tuck me in, and honestly, I do not remember the pain...I remember wanting more, I remember one orgasm rumbling into another and another....til i was gasping and Master was rubbing my bottom and legs and talking calming to me.

Master said He had not planned on such a hard spanking, but maybe the pain had morphed into pleasure. It had. I had/have to admit it, the two are connected for me. It is not something I ever would have thought possible, not something I understand. But I am really, really happy the I have a Master who understands it, accepts it, and helps me to make the connection....and is so pleased with both of us when that connection is made.

hugs abby

Monday, June 4, 2012

If you break it, I will fix it.....

Yes, another quote from Master! The picture and short note posted before this entry are also from Master. Since He probably won't answer the comments I will..

Kitty...All of my days are brought by the letter "R"...Master's first initial.

Sunny...Master's first ever post!

Faerie...yup!!


I knew by His tone and words that Master was just not going to let the whole missing "R" thing go quietly away. although when we chatted and text today, He did not bring it up. My weigh-in report was stay the same, I was thrilled Master was satisfied, although he expects movement in the right direction this week.

M/M was on the schedule for today (Monday's Maintenance). When I got to Master's, he told me to kneel and wait, He had to finish sometime in the basement. I was a little perplexed, but did as I was told. Knelt and waited. He came up and went back down, and I was starting to get curious. Finally He is standing before me, rubbing and pulling and tugging.
He asks me how long did I go without my "tattoo". I guess about 2 weeks. He asks if I just totally forgot about it...I reply not at first, but I guess eventually I did. "So I need to fix what you have broken", as I hear Him and look at Him I know this is not just going to be maintenance.

He walks over, picks up something, and shows me what He was working on in the basement. (the pic just below this entry.) He is going to "brand my bottom" with the letter R 14 times, since I let it go for 2 weeks. I am told to lean over the ottoman and spread my legs. Master is not swinging hard, there is no need to, that thing HURTS! I move after the 3rd or 4th one, and am told He does not want to have to start over, I manage to get through 7 on each side of my bottom.

I am allowed to get up, and I comment that He did not seem to be using a lot of power, but it really hurt. Master said, no since in over-kill, He was pretty sure He had made His point. He had! He thought about a real branding, but decided explaining it at doctor's visits might be a problem. I look at Him, and shake my head. I ask if I can have the "branding iron", to hang on my mirror or wall. (I figured it is safer for me if I am in possession of it). He says I may keep it.

Master then wants to see my new "tattoo" or "R". It is on my pussy, as directed. He asks if I re-traced it this morning, I did. Will I forget or let it fade away again...not without His permission. He seems satisfied, and announces it is now time for Maintenance. I groan, but get over His lap.

He starts with a quick hand warm-up, since He feels I am already warmed up. I am jumpy and moving, it feels like my bottom is on fire. I finally settle in, just in time for Him to start with the hairbrush, after a couple long sets, He stops and asks if this spanking should be finished. I know from last time that there is no good answer to this question, so I simply say Yes, Sir. "Good", He replies, "now the real spanking can start." He tucks me in, and it feels like my bottom is burning up almost as soon as He starts. I am staying in position, but not quietly. I don't think He is ever going to stop, but He does.

He is rubbing and soothing me, I am trying to catch my breath, and calm myself. As His fingers reach in to "check" me, He comments, that must have really hurt, I am not as wet as He expected. He soon remedies that and has me moaning and panting. He reminds me I can only cum with His permission, not matter what. I say I know, now would be a good time for a permission. He tells me to ask really nicely and convince Him. I shake my head and manage to get the words out, as nicely as I can. After Master makes sure I am really on the edge, He finally gives me permission. I am off, asking for another permission almost immediately. I finally find myself lying face down, trying to get enough energy just to move. Master is rubbing my back and legs, welcoming me back.

I have known Master for 10 years, when I first met Him I was just hoping that maybe I could get to experience what a spanking was like. I became his submissive about 8 years ago, it has been quite a journey. There have been times, when I wished to move ahead and had to wait for Him, times with I was trying to catch up with Him. I think we are in a catching up time for me...Master seems to have that "look", I can't wait to see where He will lead me next!

hugs abby



The Letter "R"

Abby will be writing more on this subject...



Saturday, June 2, 2012

When He says...now don't you worry....

I did get to the casino yesterday, met the goal with a couple ounces to spare! It was fun...always is...but neither I not my gambling buddy had any luck at all. We decided to head home early, saving what money we had left for another time. We have never made that decision. Next time....LOL...do I sound addicted?

It seems I have found trouble today. This morning, like the good submissive that I strive to be, Master gave me permission for my plans for today. This afternoon I even got a permission to cum. (I am on the third book of "Shades of Gray", it does not have much submission in it, but the sex is pretty HOT!)

Earlier this evening my phone buzzes. I ignore it, I was doing something on the computer, and I thought it was my daughter-in-law sending me a pic of the girls. She is great about sending me at least a picture a day. About 10 minutes later I check my phone...it was a message from Master, darn! He wants a picture of my "R". Double Darn! My "R" is the letter Master put on my inside thigh before I went to Boston last time, my "tattoo". I was supposed to keep it up, and I did until about...umm..a couple weeks ago. He had not asked about it in a while, and I just got out of the habit. Since it had already been 10 minutes since He sent His message, I knew I had to reply quickly. So, I fessed up, could not send one, no longer had the "R", and held my breath.

His next message was, use the marker and put the R on your shaved pussy, maybe if I brand it we won't have this problem again. (He has such a sense of humor). So I get the marker, but I discovered it is much easier to put an initial on You thigh than on your pussy. The skin is not as smooth, it is harder to reach and to see what you are doing.
I did stand in front of a mirror, but that was minimal help. I finally get a mark, if you use your imagination, it might look like an "R", and then have to take a pic. Once again, I have to figure out to get enough light, find a good angle, and I worry that I am taking too long. He is not satisfied. His next message tells me to scrub it off and try again, use a mirror ( I had Sir!) and take my time.
So, I try again, more slowly, and it does look more like an "R"....we both know it is an "R", anyway. I send it.
His next message is...Don't you worry, I will fix it on Monday. Now, I know that don't you worry means, I had better worry and be ready to answer a few questions on Monday. Don't you worry means I should worry about what He is thinking. Don't you worry means I am very worried about what He has up His sleeve. Don't you worry means I will have His voice in my head all weekend.

Stayed tuned for M/M day, it might be interesting....but I have been told not to worry.

hugs abby