Sunday, January 22, 2012

a jumble of thoughts

I have been thinking about what to write for 3 days. It's not that I could not think of anything, it's that I have too many thoughts swirling around in my head. I finally decided to just start writing and see where I end up.

Last week was very busy. our MM (maintenance Monday) did not happen until Friday. When we first started maintenance Master decided that I was "in charge" of making it happen every week. It took me a while to accept that, and Master helped by reminding me and asking me the right questions. Although I am never totally comfortable being the one that "makes it happen" I did get used to it. ( Master's reasoning is that I need to learn to ask for what I need....there's another post!) Lately I have been struggling with it. Master has nudged me, and helped. Last week when I mentioned maintenance on Wed. Master replied that mentioning it did not constitute making it happen. I know, in my head, that I am not really in charge when I make maintenance happen...I am doing what Master wants me to do. It is still difficult and I struggle with it.

Back to last Friday, we started with kneeling time, Master paying lots of attention to my breast. I know many of you love breast play. I am getting more used to it, but it takes a lot of concentrating and breathing. Master then had me get over His knee for a wonderful hand warm-up. Before the spanking starts I get a hard slap on a thigh. I look up and say what? He is pointing to my crossed ankles. Last week I was allowed a pillow between them to keep them apart..no more pillow. I quickly uncrossed them, and Master said the count goes up next time. Then I relaxed into a wonderfully long hand spanking.

Master then asked if I wasnted maintenance before or after some more enjoyable activities. Knowing how mellow I am after I chose before. I stood and leaned over the ottoman and felt cool wood on my bottom. After a couple sets, Master tells me to count...quickly...and thank Him after each one and we will be finished with maintenance. I get to 7 before I hesitate, the next three I ask for quickly. Then it is on to more pleasant activities. Master has been using, and having me use the large toy He bought me different ways. It has been interesting, and challenging.

For a long time I have had to do a task for Master. We started with anything I chose, and it could be only a few minutes. some of the things have done include kneeling time, corner time (rarely), written stories, sent Him interesting pictures, and when I am feeling a little lost, laying in bed time.
A while ago Master decided that the "task" was to be at least 5 minutes, and laying in bed....really was not on the approved list...lol..what a surprise. Last week Master started assigning me new tasks...guess He was bored with my repetition. He did not like the word task...thinks it has a negative concept...He tried assignment, but to a long time teacher, that means work. I like to think of it as spending time pleasing my Master.

Over at "Finding Sara"....(sorry I don't know how to link)...there was an interesting discussion this week on the "Dilemna of Need". When I was pondering what to write about, the feeling of neediness was high on my list. I have struggled with it the past couple weeks, and have been trying to decide if the feeling has more to do with want than need. It's an interesting discussion, and once again helped me to realize I am not alone or unique in my various feelings. Many of us seem to have trouble with asking for what we need.

Have a good week all,
hugs,
abby

9 comments:

  1. You're right. It is difficult to ask for what we need. I wonder why that is.

    I don't understand the logic of you being responsible for making it happen, yet being told that mentioning it doesn't make it happen. I am confused, and not trying to be disrespectful. Or is it all about you voicing that you feel the need for it?

    sarah

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  2. Yes, it's really difficult to communicate our needs and for me I often don't quite know what they are and how to ask. It's tricky...you're not alone at all.

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  3. A song by a singer-songwriter named Scott Alarik that's been a favorite of mine for over 25 years:

    If I fly too high, if my wings grow tired,
    I must make my needs known, make my needs known.
    And when it's all gone wrong, been wrong too long,
    I must make my needs known, make my needs known.

    Chorus:
    Say now is the time for your loving me,
    Now is the time for your care, warm care
    When in times like these, full of doubt and needs,
    I must make my needs known, make my needs known.

    If I heard your call, be it dark or dawn
    You must make your needs known, make your needs known.
    I would come to you and kiss your wounds,
    If you make your needs known, make your needs known.

    Chorus:
    Say now is the time for your loving me,
    Now is the time for your care, warm care
    When in times like these, full of doubt and needs,
    You must make your needs known, make your needs known.

    So if I fly too high, if my wings grow tired,
    I will make my needs known, make my needs known.
    And when it's all gone wrong, been wrong too long,
    Please, make your needs known, make your needs known.

    Chorus:
    Say now is the time for your loving me,
    Now is the time for your care, warm care
    When in times like these, full of doubt and needs,
    I will make my needs known, make your needs known.

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  4. I do ask but I would much rather have him take the initiative. Don't know why we have trouble with that?

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  5. I think we are all of us, much more alike than not Abby! Sara

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  6. I think it is difficult for you make your needs known because you want him to take the lead. But if he says he wants you to make maintenance happen, then you are still following his lead. Good luck on working this all out.

    FD

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  7. Sara, I actually asked Him about that. He wants me to do more than say, maintenance hasn't happened yet this week. He wants me to ask for it, to see when we are both free.
    abby

    Susie, I agree, sometimes I am not sure what I need either. It does help to know, I am not the only one. abby

    anon...wow thanks! I am going to try and find a recording, so I can hear it. The words are wonderful. abby

    sunnygirl, I hint...LOL...maybe I will get better at asking.

    sara, I think you are very much right...and there is lots of comfort and peace in that! abby

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  8. FD, I think you hit the nail on the head. I know you are right, I am not taking the lead, I am obeying. thanks. abby

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  9. the only source i know of is Spotify.com

    It actually appeared on vinyl back in the late 70's.

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