I have been unsettled all week. I started to post a couple times, but just could not decide what to say, how to say it, why I was feeling this way. I think it was a combination of a lot of things....
Master has been extremely busy...(He takes on too much, but that is Him, and how He always will be)....and had to be out of town for a couple days for work. I had plans to be away with a friend for some gambling, and it just has been one of those times when vanilla life really interferes with D/s. I have felt so unsettled and uneasy, I was pleased when Master returned early today, so we could have some time.
I knew He was not happy with me. One of my rules, in fact my very first rule, was to send a daily report. I will admit, they have been a little haphazard lately, but nothing was said....and I did not send one at all for the past 4 days. I did get an email asking if I had broken my hands. So I was not sure what Master had planned.
We started with hugs and catching up with any news. I was then told to get naked and kneeling, He sat on the sofa in front of me. He asked where my head has been....I said I have been a little unsettled. He said ...rebellious might be a better word. I have never considered myself rebellious, and was shocked. I tried to explain about hormones and voices and....Of course He was not buying it. We talked a little more about if I was testing, I wasn't. I know what happens when I test Him, I learned that lesson the hard way a long time ago.
I was told to get over His lap. I was relieved to be in that position, I could feel the coolness of wood. He asked if I was surprised to be in this position, I admitted that I was relieved and happy to be over His lap, even with Him holding a paddle. He then started in with it, I said I was also hoping for a warm up..He said this was it. I got a couple rounds with the paddle, then we chatted some more. He said I had been disobedient, and I could not argue. The word shocked me, and I realized I had been...with no good excuse. I immediately was ashamed and felt the tears. Master tucked me in and said 12 more hard ones, and we are done with this punishment. When He finished we talked some more, about how displeasing Him makes me feel, and that we are pass any testing or disobedience over such a long standing rule. He makes the rules He decides if they are no longer needed.
As we were chatting His fingers were roaming and rubbing and getting me very wet. Master then asked if I had kept up with my exercise over this past week. Silence....then a quiet...not quite. How many days did I miss....2. He picked up the paddle and gave me 10 more hard ones for the first day, and 20 more for the second day....He reminded me the rule is at least 30 minutes 5 days a week.
Master then went back to letting His hands get me panting and squirming....I was shaking with need before He finally gave me permissions to cum. He told me that neither of these spankings count as maintenance, we will get to that tomorrow. I am leaving on Thursday to go see my 3 year old grandaughter and her 7 month old brother for a long weekend.
Master then had me kneel and think about what we had discussed while He worked on finishing a small project. I was told to clear my mind of anything else. I did and found myself relaxing and being settled.
I am His submissive, this journey with Master has been so much more than I ever dreamed possible. Disappointing Him is what unsettles me....After I helped Him with a small project..and got my first lesson in electrical work....we hugged...and I told Him I was very sorry. He told me I was forgiven, it was done, we are back on track.