I have had a very 'blahish' week, not caring about much. Still feeling very much unsettled, and not sure why. Turning within myself, running in the wrong direction, and knowing it wasn't helping. Communicating with Master mostly through text messaging and voice mail, skipping a report, trying to hide my unease from Him. I even asked in a voice mail if Maintenance was going to continue this year, or if it had expired!
I stayed the same this week, meaning I was still 1/2 pound above my "wriggle room", the 1/2 pound Master had said He wanted off. When I weighed myself, I thought...only 1/2 pound, He could think it doesn't matter. (Yes I was that far gone).
His reply text when I sent my weigh in....I have found the bath brush, you will not want to sit all weekend. Guess that 1/2 pound mattered, and I had a few hours to think about that darn bath brush.
When we met, He asked me twice what was wrong, and twice I replied nothing. He wasn't buying it, asked if I was upset with Him or me...mostly me was my reply. As usual, I was told to be naked and kneeling and in position. He was pulling my hair, as He talked to me, letting me know that I had disappointed Him. That He knew I was not happy, but that making Him happy would resolve that. He said He thought about what punishment to settle on and decided a very long seesion over His knee with the bath brush was ahead of me.
I went over His lap. He reminded me that it was past the first of the year, so any ankle crossing would be punished and asked me what that would be. "Spanking on my thighs, Sir," Since this was going to be a long session He offered to put a pillow between my legs, as a gentle reminded, I was happy to accept. He started off with the bath brush, fairly lightly, with a long set, would stop for a quick rub, another harder long set, rub, another harder long set. I am not sure how many sets, but it was quite a few. Finally He stops and starts to talk.
He asks if I am realizing that this is not going to be a fast hard spanking. I am! He says, his intent is that I will feel this all weekend, as a reminder, that I am His, all of me. He then asked me what He expected of me. I shook my head in a no...trying to get my thoughts straight, and He laughed and said no?? I explained I was searching for an answer...and replied, whatever He wants from me. He then suggested I be more specific, so we went over my list of rules and expectations. I used to hate talking to Him when I was over His lap, but I now realize that in some ways it is easier for me to be more open with Him then. We went over the rules, and He asked if I would rather He "micromanaged" me more. Meaning, although I have to ask for permissions to go places, I almost never get a no, He does not suggest menus, or how I should exercise. I thought about it, there was a time when that would have been tempting. But, I am sure in a short amount of time, I would be struggling. Also, I do not ask for permission for anything I do not want or want to do, so to have Him say no simply because He can, would be difficult for me. A day or two of total control would be a great fantasy, but not for real life.
I asked if He was done with the paddling, He wasn't and He let me know the hardest were yet to come. He tucked me in, and made His point. It was a long and very hard paddling, He would do a set, give me a quick rub, and just as I was catching my breath, start in again. I stayed in place for most of it, concentrating on breathing, but it was too much and I was squirming and owing loudly before He finished. Yes all of that for 1/2 pound gain, but also to help me find my way back...and stay there.
He started to roam and 'check' out my wetness. Part of you enjoyed this a little, He remarked. He continued and as I started to whimper and squirm, I heard a stern warning, don't you dare cum...self control young lady. After a couple minutes I asked Him to please stop, and after another minute or so He kindly did stop.
He had me kneel between His legs while we talked. He asked if that was the worse spanking He ever gave me. No it was not, basement visits are the worse. He reminded me of the cane and His large paddles. He also asked if I remembered what His theory was if He had to spank me twice in a row for the same reason. I nodded, and said....that He needs to 'up the ante' since He did not do a good enough job the first time. Did I have doubts about what would happen if I gave a report on Monday and I still had not lost that 1/2 pound...I had/have no doubts.
We then stood and were hugging and He brought up maintenance. He asked if He needed to give me a maintenance spanking today. I replied, no Sir, I am all set. He looked me in the eyes and said wrong answer. Maintenance is a weekly occurence, no matter what else happens, no matter what other spankings occur, maintenance still happens. In fact, He added, maybe this year it should be a twice a week event. I looked at Him speechless, do You doubt I will do whatever it takes? No Sir, was my quick reply. So I was told to lean over the ottoman, He had worn His new belt that was a Christmas gift, since He wanted to test it out. He started out with it doubled, and to be honest, it felt pretty good. I think part of my bottom was numb, and He was not swinging very hard. He quickly caught on , and said I seemed to be enjoying this. So He undoubled and swung a little harder, it still was not harsh, but He was making His point. I soon heard, 10 more hard ones, and it was over. My blahs were gone, I once again felt safe and controlled in a caring way, I knew I had "me" back.
I got home to a voice message from my 3 year old granddaughter. She was excited, so she was talking fast. I had to listen 3 times to get the full gist of what she was saying. She had realized the "Red", her favorite fraggle rock stuffed animal, she calls him her baby, did not have a middle name. She had a middle name, so does her baby brother. So she asked her mom, who told her to pick a middle name. She asked how to do that, and my daugher told her, people usually think about people they know and like and choose one of their names. After thinking about it in her room, she announced that Red's middle name would be the same as grandma's. What an honor! She called to tell me the good news, and to tell me that made me a great-grandma....LOL! Feeling older but Blahs really gone!
Yes, my bottom is still sore as I sit here, I imagine it will be one of those nights when I think of Master every time I roll over!