Monday, November 28, 2011

Before and After thoughts

After I had talked to Master this morning and we decided to meet early this afternoon, I started thinking about types of spankings. Way long ago when I first typed in the word "spanking" in a search engine, I was thinking OTK and maybe a hand or brush, and some spanking, resulting in a slightly sore bottom. Boy have I learned a lot!

Today, I was wondering what Master had planned...a welcome home spanking since I had just returned late yesterday....a maintenance spanking since today is Monday and He had decided before I left that MM's were a good idea...I knew it would not be a punishment since I had gained (1 and a half) but was still under my 2 pound limit...hmm...or maybe a surprise. I had my butterflies all fluttering by the time I was knocking on the door.

First...hugs...Master always says never too many hugs, and His hugs are real big bear type hugs. He then showed me what He had accomplished on His remodel project while I was away. Then it was kneeling and naked time, with Master for some "just us" time. Master reclaiming all of me, and me reclaiming my submission. Of course, Master can never resist some nipple play (torture), and I am getting used to it....

M&M day Master proclaimed. Maintenance I asked...that is what Monday's are for, every week, no guessing when or forgetting. He had me lean over the arm of the sofa. I groaned as I felt the cool, hard, smooth surface of a large paddle. (It was a large paddle ball paddle, that I hate.) Maintenance is not supposed to be is a deterrant to a punishment, He repeated once again. I was having difficulty wrapping my head warm up, not being spanked in over a week, and that darn paddle. He did not start off slowly or easily, and it did not take long efore I was rising a little...He warned me and put His hand on my back. I was strugging, it HURT and I could not get above it.

After a swat, Master told me to thank Him. I hesitated, and He swung harder. I thanked Him, and He continued, waiting for my Thank You Sir. I finally just put my head down and quietly repeated the Thank you without prompting. Good girl, I just saw all the resistence leave your body. You might as well accept your spanking, you can't really resist, and I do know what you need. ( all of which I know, but sometimes it is just so hard). After just a couple more I was allowed up and invited over his lap.

A hand spanking, after a paddling, is like a gentle tap. But I love Master's hands...wherever they choose to spank or roam. It took very little time for Master to inform me I was swollen and wet...(wonder how that happened??) I was soom squirming and panting...Master says he knows
I want to cum, but I should relax and enjoy (HUH??). I try, and I do slow down my breathing and try to slow myself. Master stops and pulls out my large toy and starts it vibrating and thrusting in...just enough to get me right to the edge. He says,,,,6 hard thrusts and you may cum. He starts with one slow hard one, the two..another slow and hard one,
I am not sure I am going to make it to 6. Master lets out a small chuckle and quickly thrusts 4 more times and gets to 6! I am off and flying, and Master keeps me there til I just need to breathe.

As I am still lying over His lap, I ask if maybe I can have a 5 pound leeway instead of just 2. The no comes quickly, He says I have worked too hard, to gain that much back, 2 pounds and I have used 3/4 of it already.
So then I ask if I can cut back to 1 weigh in a week, another quick no. Everthing stays the same. I know He is keeping me from back sliding, and that is a good thing. I just would like more wriggle room, not that wriggle room is usually a good thing for me, but it is nice to have.

I can finally sit up, more hugs and chat, some kneeling and Master tells me how proud He is of me. He knows I only lost this last 10 because he wanted it. Then it is back to the real world time.

On my way home, my thoughts are that I am glad maintenance is over with for this week, and hopefully I can get through this month without going over my 2 pound limit. I am not sure that will happen, but I am sure what will happen if I go beyond the 2 pounds, so I will try. I also realize that I have finally come home, to where I belong, to whom I belong, and it is such a good, safe place. I feel more relaxed, more ready to face this busy month, more like "me".


Sunday, November 27, 2011

More catching up....

I returned from visiting my son, daughter in law, and grandaughter today. It was a fun week. My grandaughter has become a little girl, no longer a baby, thankfully she has a baby sister on the way. But she did keep me very busy, and when she napped, I tried to help her mom out with laundry, and cleaning and baking for the holiday. I put in no blog time, and yes I did miss you all and think about you.

First I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, filled with family, friends and of course, great food. We celebrated on Friday due to the fact that my son is a fireman and daughter in law a NIKU nurse, and had to work the holiday. We had a wonderful meal, looked back on the happy times of the past year, and ahead to more good times.

A big THANK YOU to the three people who nominated me for a VBA award. I apologize, since I have not learned how to link to your blogs from here, that is on my to-do list..."Hidden Slave", "Composing Us", and "An Awakening Dominant", I promise you a link as soon as I get my act together! I will not be nominating from here, I follow many of you, and think you are all great. Anyone who is willing to put themselves out here and share deserves an award. I will list 7 things about myself:

1. I am a frog collector. When I was teaching I would wear something
that had a frog on it every day. My grandkids, have lots of frog

2. I always wanted to teach at the primary level. Until one of my
principals convinced me to try Junior High. I loved it...a
challenge and a new beginning every day.

3. I am a "crosswordholic". I complete at least 3 a day.

4. Orange is my favorite color.

5. I always dreamed of creating new jeopardy boards, all with a

6. I am the oldest of 4 children. The quiet and conservative one.

7. I have never understood why chocolate and ice cream do not have
a larger space on the food pyramid!

That's it for now, I need sleep!


Friday, November 18, 2011

catching up on the week

I have been meaning to post a couple times this week, but have been trying to get lots of other things done also, and they won out. One of those is my Christmas shopping. When my 3 children were little , I always had a goal of being finished by Thanksgiving...they were all born in December...yes poor planning, or no planning. This year, I decided to try again, and I am almost there!

When Master and I talked on Tuesday, He reminded me that my original target date for my recent diet goal was Thansgiving day, not the end of this week. I had decided to try for that goal, but He would only hold me to the original goal. In a way that was a relief, I still wanted this to be a really good week, but knowing I had more time eased the pressure.

Yesterday, Master was in the mood for nipple play, to be honest I am rarely in that mood. But, I have grown to relax a little and breathe...and even start to squirm. When I walked in Master was proud to show me the new yard stick He had acquired. I tried to show a little sincerety when I said it was such a nice yard can probably guess how that came off.
So, after my kneeling time, I was over the end of the sofa with the yard stick in His hand. It was very stingy, He tried it from near and from far...still stingy. Not like a large paddle, but I kept thinking a warm-up would really have helped.

Finally He had me go over His lap for a hand spanking. Lately he seems to be adding a warm-up after an initial spanking, but I love His hand so I will take it any time I can get it! He decided to play with my nipples while He was spanking me. He was going from one to the other, pulling tugging, pinching, not extremely hard. His fingers went to check and since I was starting to respond He decided to just play with my nipples. He was being gentle, circling, rubbing, massaging, and I was actually relaxing. Before I knew it, I heard this voice say, harder Sir please! He was only too glad to oblige. I have to admit, I felt that connection between my nipples and my clit, they were talking to each other! Master added a little extra, and I was off to the land of orgasms.

After I had landed and could breathe again, Master decided to give me an assignment for that evening. I was to play with my nipples until I was reading to cum, and only then could I ask for permission. Honestly, I wasn't sure I could do it. I asked, what if I can't, He said you can and you will. Last night, I sat for a long time, thinking about it, and knew I just had to start. I started slowly and gently, and remembering the afternoon , I could feel myself start to get wet and ready. I did stop and text Master for permission and waited. I usually get a quick reply, so I continued, when I had no reply and I was starting to near the point of no return, I decided to stop. No cuming without permission was one of Master's first that I had difficulty with. It has been a long time since I have crossed that line, and I have no desire to again. I did eventually get a permission, but I was ready for bed, and just replied with a good night.

My weigh in today was a minus 2.3 pounds! Master was very pleased, and although I am not at the goal, I am only about 1/2 pound away. Master had promised a flogging, rope, cuffs...session if I reached my goal, so I figured that was off the table, for now. We did not get our noon time chat in, but mid afternoon I get a text....flogger! Sometimes He is a softy!

Our afternoon, was amazing. Wrist and ankle cuffs, rope, and a blindfold. As I am laying there, I feel wood on my bottom, my head jerks around and Master chuckles and says...not what you were expecting. After lightly using several of His paddles, I feel the swoosh of the leather strands down my whole body. I instantly relax and let out a moan. Master says..guess I finally got it right!

He then stops and says He will be right back. He gets a toy to insert into my pussy and tells to be sure it stays put. Then He gives me what I have been craving. A long, hard, all over flogging. I can just feel all of the tension being pushed out of my body, all my muscles relaxing, my body just going with each swish. As I am floating, there is a short stop, and then I feel Master's whip. I am not surprised, Master loves His whip, and after a flogging, I can adjust to the change in sensation. I finally hear 20 more hard ones. Then He is rubbing and massaging and saying how hot my back is, and how it is so nicely welted. Master moves on to giving me a good hard release or two or three. I could feel all the sensations of the afternoon come crashing down on me and as I came, I also cried. I am always surprised and a little embarrassed when that happens. It takes me a while to get my bearings.

Master always movers right in, holds me, talks softly to me, telling me that is the best compliment I can give Him, my total release, giving up total control. The first time it happened I was scared, it totally takes all of my energy. I finally was able to speak and move. Master untied me and removed the cuffs, but kept the blindfold on. He had me get up and kneel with it on while He continued to speak softly and rub. Finally He removed the blindfold and I felt blinded by the bright light. After more hugs, I told Master I had a small confession to make.

When I ask or get a permission it is supposed to be used. So I told Master I had not used my permission last night. I explained that I did not want to cum without permission, so I had stopped playing with myself, and them it got late and I was tired. He said He was not surprised, whe he got my good nite, right after He sent my pemission. He was pleased that I did not cum without permission, and said I could have the 15 minute rule. It is a rule that I had a few years ago, and lost the privilege. If I don't get a reply in 15 minutes, I may cum. I said it was a dangerous rule. He smiled and said You have come a long way, You can handle it now.

I am flying to Boston tomorrow to see my 2 year old granddaughter and to help my daghter in law. She is pregnant and works overnight in a preemie extensive care unit, and is hosting Thanksgiving. Hopefull she can get more sleep and I can teach my little sweetie how to bake pies! If I don't get a chance to say this later....hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Among the things I am thankful for....your friendship and acceptance.


Monday, November 14, 2011

M & M (s)

Sorry, my title is not refering to those tempting little hard coated candies filled with chocolate, peanuts, almonds, peanut butter, or at this time of the year peppermint. Can never eat just one. Today was Maintenance Monday...M & M day.

I returned Master's "Beauty" books today. I had a lag between reading the 2nd and last one, due to having to finish a book for my monthly book club. The third one was my least favorite, but am glad I persisted since I liked the ending.

When we started maintenance Master decreed, I was to be the one to mention it each week, and find a time. Since Master views it as a deterrant to punishment, it never made much sense to me to have it happen at the end of the week. But, I often would not mention it til near the end of the week. I was determined this week to mention it today, Monday.

When I arrived at Master's we started with the kneeling "ritual". He reclaims all of me, I relax, and let myself just be. After I crawled over His lap, Master started with a wonderful hand warm-up. I don't always get one, but I always want one! Master commented that He thought it was the first time we had maintenance on a Monday. I replied,,,,M & M day. He chuckled and said He liked that...we should always have an M & M day, so looks like maintenance will be on Mondays.

Master then decided to search my "meager" bag of toys. I don't have many spanking toys in there, the first one He pulled out was a paddle shaped like a frog. ( I am a frog collector). It is light and stingy, so I said that would work. After about 10 swats Master was asking if I was asleep yet. He reached in and pulled out my short strap, but it is difficult to use OTK. I thought that was it, but he found a spatula. I forgot that was in there. Spatulas can have a big sting. But Master was not liking it, so I had to get up and fetch the plastic paddle. He tucked me in , and proceeded to paddle my bottom for too long a time. it was a hard paddling, one designed to last all week. (so maybe having maintenance at the end of the week, has its advantages).

When the paddling part was done, we moved on to more pleasant activities. Master was rubbing and using His talented fingers to get me wet and wanting. We were chatting, and I finally said, You could concentrate on what your fingers are doing. His reply was, "she" is mine as is all of you, I will play with "her" as long as I want. So I continued to try to breathe, and carry on my part of the conversation. Finally, when I was really struggling, Master revved it up, and I finally hear....cum for your Master. I don't have to be told twice, I was off and soaring.

After I was back, we discussed my diet goal. Master started by telling me that maintenance would still be weekly, even if I am not trying to lose. I lost 1/2 pound over the weekend. Not a gain, but I was hoping to get to the goal by Friday. I need to lose 3 more pounds to do that. I was hoping Master would extend the deadline, I have been trying really hard, at least for the past couple weeks. He is sooooooo stubborn. "Just make it happen", I hate those words. If I do lose the 3, I get a break until after the first of the year, and then I get to decide if I want to continue. Master also added today...that a flogging, blindfold, and rope would be in my near future. That is so unfair, I love those!

When I got home I walked the bike path trying to decide if I could do this...lose the 3 pounds. At first I was mostly thinking He's nuts, He's so stubborn, this is too hard. But by the time I got home, I had decided I had to at least really try, it is only 4 days. So I will be exercising twice a day, drinking lots of water, and watching my intake closely. Wish me luck!


Friday, November 11, 2011

Happy weekend all!

We have had some great weather here this fall. reality wake up call today, rain, sleet, cold and know what is on its way.

I lost a little over 2 pounds this week, I was excited and Master was very pleased! I am determined to get to this goal by next Friday..that's 3 more pounds. I am leaving for Boston a week from tomorrow to spend Thanksgiving with my 2 year old grandaughter.

When I saw Master this afternoon, I got to stay dressed...well mostly, anyway. That has not happened in a while. After kneeling time, He even started spanking me over pants and panties. He was using a light paddle, so it worked well as a warm up. Of course, eventually, they both came down, but it was a short, light spanking.

Then I went over His lap, for some hand spanking and lots of touching and rubbing. Master was in a talking mood, so we chatted as He continued to ge me very wet. Every now and then He would permission yet. I am pretty proud of the fact that I mostly kept up with my end of the conversation. Eventually tho, I just really needed for the chat to end, and the permissions to be granted. Master obliged me and away I went!

A great start to the weekend, and the weather is supposed to improve..a little!


Thursday, November 10, 2011

Thanks all.....and Maintenance day

First I would like to thank everyone who stopped in and left a comment on this blog for LOL. There is one delurker, I would really like to send a special thank you too...Master! When I started this blog He offered that I could make it private, it could be a place just for me. I thought and decided I did not want that, I wanted Him to read seemed like a good way to open up more communication. He reads here, and often it spurs a discussion, and He is clear, I can write whetever I feel, it is a safe place. He had never commented, but I was so pleased to read His comment this morning, in fact I read it twice, just to be sure I had read it correctly!

Yesterday was maintenance for this week. Master was in the garage when I arrived. He told me to go in and get naked and kneeling. I could hear Him working on something, so I did as I was told. When He came in, He covered my eyes and spoke quietly, then started claiming all of me. When He got to my breast, He pulled and pinched, but only a little. Then, I could feel just His fingertips touching them, but as he gently rubbed it was like a lightening bolt, He pulled away and repeated and I could feel the sensations going right through me. It was amazing....maybe I am finally able to relax enough during breast play to enjoy it....maybe.

Then Master showed me what He was working on in the garage. He had found an old wodden pizza paddle, and had sawed it to a more manageable size. I gulped, He laughed. It looked mean. I said...for maintenance. He said it is not heavy and had me hold it, it was light. I was then told to get over the back of the sofa. No warm-up and swats coming fast and hard...not as hard as He could swing, but still not a slow start. I was staying in position, but voicing my pain. Master is found of telling me to stop concentrating the stokes as pain on my bottom, and think of them as going to my clit..and go with them. Most of the time , I want to try that. Master stoppped and rubbed, and started again, more lightly and slowly, with more stops for rubbing. Now I was able to stop concentrating on the pain. After a bit master stopped to roam and feel if I was "enjoying" my spanking...I always start to deny it, but He finds proof that I am.

Master continues with His magic hands, and suddenly asks how many more swats I want. I hate that question...most of the time I want to say none, but I know that is not really an option. I answer 10...He says that is how many it will take for you to cum? I don't my reply. I get the 10, and I am on the edge, but not quite there, so being the kind Master He is...I get some help, and am soon asking for permission.

As I come back to Him, we chat a bit. Master reminds me that my submission is not a weight loss submission continues even after I reach my goal. I knew this, but did need to hear it again. Oh and by the way...that pizza paddle, it cracked in half...LOL...I think that is the second spanking instrument to hit the dust while being used on my bottom.


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

LOL.....(We) Love Our Lurkers!!!

This is my first "official" LOL day as a blogger. for a long time I was a lurker. Reading, laughing, enjoying, fantasizing, not sure if I should comment or not. I know you are out there. Come on in, share a comment. I have found it is like conversing with an acquaintance, getting to know them better, until you have found a blogging or cyber friend! I went from reading to commenting and then to blogging ( with Master's not so gentle push!)

We are a diverse group. Accepting our differences, diffferent point of views, cheering each other on and sharing some sorrows. I would love a hello from you, if that is all you have to say, or more if you wish! Who knows, next November could be your first LOL day as a blogger!


Monday, November 7, 2011

diets, belts and submission

I have been sitting here trying to think of a title. The above is the best I could do.

I haven't mentioned that miserable D word is a Usually after I reach a goal, I either ask Master to help me reach another goal, or Master will ask if I am willing to try for more. This time I wavered, did not really want to go on, wanted a break. Master enticed me by saying if I lost 10 more by Thanksgiving I could stay the same (plus 2 pound from my goal) until Jan. 1st. Then we would discuss it and I could decide if I wanted to set another goal. This was a few weeks ago, and I agreed. It's been a struggle. I just really want a break. When I said that to Master, He said, we made a deal...You can do this. I asked if I did not reach the goal by Thanksgiving, would the deadline be extended. He replied, yes, but the goal would also be higher. "Not fair", was my instant reply. I do know that "fair", as most people look at it, does not exist in a power exchange relationship. I am half way there. I told Master this afternoon, my heart was not in this, He acknowledged that, and said reach your goal, you get a break. I have always believed that in order to lose weight it has to be for have to really want to. I still believe that, but I guess if you have a Master who really wants you to....that works also.

Part of my problem with this, I think, is that we have been working on this diet for a long time. It has been a part of our dynamic for so long, I am afraid that without it, maybe...Master will consider His "job" done. It scares me, even though I realize it is not logical.

When we met this afternoon, Master treated me to His belt. After my kneeling time, He had me lay over the arm of the sofa. As soon as I started to hear Him taking His belt through the loops I looked's been a while since His belt came into play. He started off lightly and stopped often to rub....oh...I was just beginning to float when the thud changed to a sharp sting. Master had "unlooped" the belt and the single strip was really stingy. I was struggling both with the surprise and the sting. Master quickly said, I don't like this as much and the double, I quickly agreed. I was soon settling in again to the feel of the leather, and the increase in heat. I hear Master say, "Hang on tight", and I know He is going to rev it up. Last 12 were much harder, but I was in my zone by then, and welcomed them.

Master then had me get over His lap for a hand spanking. It occured to me to say to Him this part should come first...His hand can be hard, but after a good "belting", its effect is diminished. After more spanking, rubbing, and some roaming of His fingers, I was told to kneel between His legs. Let's just say, He had other submissive activities in mind.

Then it was my turn. I could feel myself getting wet, and wanting to cum. Master, slowly brought me to the peak, and it was amazing. Master even commented, how are you going to descibe this orgasm on your blog. So I am not even going to try...the word "earthquake" does come to mind. It took me a while to come back to my senses, Master was there holding and rubbing and speaking smoothly to me.

Submission, it covers lots of ground. Losing 5 more pounds when it is the last thing I want to do.....and spending the afternoon pleasing and being pleasured.


Thursday, November 3, 2011

a good bye and a welcome back!

I said good bye to my two little sweethearts. But we had a great time, made lots of memories, and will be seeing them again in a month! On a happier note...Master is back!

I got to welcome Him back in person this afternoon. Foolish me, I had this idea in my head about how it might go...of course Master had a different idea. After a few welcome back hugs, I noticed He was holding a small cane in His hand. We had our re-connecting kneeling time, and Master was very pleased with my control while He mauled, pulled and pinched my breast. Then He told me to get over the end of the sofa...He wanted to add a few stripes to my bottom.

I looked and walked (slowly) over...He told me to relax, it was not punishment. I was thinking, why don't we change places and you can relax..but I only thought it. He did start off lightly, and after a couple sets He stopped to rub. Then I hear, another set of harder ones, luckily, He cannot always read my mind.

I was then told I could go over His lap, for a hand spanking. Now that was more like what I had in mind. He was trying to spank hard enough, to hide the stripes He had just does He think of these things? He then said, He would have to add the stripes again at the end, I looked up at Him, with my " You have to be kidding" look....and He said the look sealed it, more stripes at the end. ARGHH

Master then moved on to rubbing and touching and probing. Just as I was really starting to squirm and get all squishy......

Master then decides since it was Thursday, He should add maintenance to this spanking. My thought had been along the lines, since it was Thursday, maybe we should let it slip this week. I also remarked that His order of how things should happen was a bit off today. He told be to get up and get the paddle He uses for maintenance. It stays on the floor at the end of the sofa. I got up and looked and said I did not see it. "Really ?", He said as He got up....He looked and there it was. Magic! When I was back over His lap, He smacked my bottom a dozen hard ones....for not just picking up the paddle and bringing it over. Then, it was tuck me in, and let the paddle do the talking. Maintenance is meant to be a deterrant, and it hurts!

Master then goes back letting His fingers drive me wild. Just as I was nearing the brink, I hear Master say....repeat....R. is my Master, and I will not cum without His permission...and keep repeating. When I get to the third time, Master focuses in on THAT spot...the one that puts me over the edge...I get the phrase out a third time, but then I want to tell Him to stop, but I don't want Him to stop, I really really want to cum. Not sure what I am saying, but I hear Master ask if I would like to cum for Him....Yes pleaseeee....and it is a wild ride. I used to always be amazed at my orgasms, today was more than amazing... Looking back I find it hard to beleive that all that noise and movement..and...everything else is me. It is the me that Master worked hard to find and let loose...I am so glad He did.

After some cool down and snuggling and hugs, I got up and asked for permission to get dressed. As I walked by the sofa, Master pulled me over the end, and reminded me I had earned a few more stripes....for the "look". There was only one set...more than enough Sir!...and they were fairly light.

It is good to have Him back. I know even when one of us is away, I am still His, and nothing really changes, but it feels different.
Before I left we talked about my weigh in tomorrow and how the diet was going. More on that tomorrow.