Sunday, October 30, 2011

Happy Halloween

I have been meaning to post here since Thursday. By the time I sat and thought about it, I was just too pooped. So I am gettng to this earlier tonight, while I can still think and type.

Back to Thursday, Master asked me at noon time, if I was ready for Halloween. I was not. He wanted me to have a school girl uniform. I had gone to a couple thrift stores, found 2, but wayyyyyyy too small. I decided it was the wrong time of year, so I though maybe if I shopped the web, there might be a sale. I started at a well known store, and sure enough they were 1/2 price. I kept looking, and found some that were quite reasonable, but it would take a week to get it. I thought maybe it would come earlier.
It did not.

Master was disappointed at my not being ready, and I got a little "testy" about it. He finally said, just forget it, it was supposed to be fun, not frustrating. I did not want to just forget it. He told me He would see me later.

We hung up and I sat there and cried. Last week was really stressful and emotional for me, on a few levels. After a few minutes I reminded myself that he did not want a specific uniform, just for me to look like a school girl. I could be creative...I could do this. (I went to catholic school for 12 years.) I raided my and my daughter's closet. I found a black wool skirt (short), a white polo, and some stripped pink/grey knee socks. I typed up a note to the principal, saying this was the second time his week I arrived out of uniform....the knee socks.

I headed over to Master's, a little nervous, but hoping He would be pleasantly surprised. When He saw me, He grinned...you did it. I handed Him the note and we were off. It's been a long time since we role played, but it is fun. He had me over His lap, scolding, and then reached back and had the hair brush in His hand. Since this was role play, I get to squirm and try to get free, and say...almost...anything that comes to mind. One of the things that I appreciate most about Master is that I can verbally throw anything His way,,,,and He has a reply.

I eventually realized He was spanking a LOT harder than I remember, for a role play, he also would stop, only to find another reason to continue. My bottom was throbbing when He finally finished. He wondered if I had enjoyed it,,,I replied it was too hard a spanking. As he reached in to test me, He chuckled, not too hard. He continued until I was wet and ready, pulled out, and started using the brush again, not as hard, but hard enough. He wanted me to cum, while He was spanking me. Sometimes I can, but not on Thursday, I was close, but just could not let over that edge. Master finally took pity on me, and stopped spanking, and pushed me over that edge. It was one, very long fall.

After some recovery time, it was kneeling time. Master is away for work this week, He will be back when the job is finished, so no set time. My 3 year old granddaughter and her 4 month old brother arrived on Friday, until Wednesday. We have been on the go to some fun activity every day, with lots more to come. It has been wonderful.

I am going to leave you with some 3 year old wisdom. After finishing a couple craft projects, I asked her to help grandma clean up. She did a great job, I thanked her, and she said, well you always help me grandma. I replied, we help each other. She looked at me and said...."grandma, people helping people, that is what life is about!"

abby

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

consistency and follow through

If there ever was an award for most consistent and (almost) always follows through, Master would win. When we first started our journey, Master would threathen a lot of consequences, and after about the third time I figured out they were just threats. Spanking was not consistent, and I was often left wanting more. One day Master had read some blogs and said consistency seems to be very important to submissives. We talked about it, and since then, I know that threats are not just threats, and He is extremely consistent.

Yesterday, after my punishment, Master commented that He hoped when we saw each other on Friday, that it would be for the kind of pain that leads to pleasure, the kind of pleasure that overwhelms me and leaves me asking where did that come from? I asked if we could change that to Thursday instead. My 3 year old granddaughter and her 4 month old brother are coming to grandma's for Halloween! I don't usualy get excited about Halloween, but the house is decorated, and do I have plans. They are arriving Friday morning. Master agreed to Thursday.

This morning I sent Master His good morning message, and He replied...we are running out of time...M this afternoon. I read it 3 times and could not figure out what He meant. A few possibilities, but none of them really made sense. So I asked what he meant. Tomorrow is Thursday and we have not had maintenance, he replied. I should have known, since we started maintenance, 18 months ago, Master has not missed a week.
The word maintenance had not even crossed my mind, my bottom was still sore. But I replied, Yes Sir, I wil text You when I am back home.

This afternoon, Master calls, and asks how my bottom is...still sore, I replied. Is it ready for maintenance?, he asked. I quickly considered several responses, and replied, I don't know how to answer that. It is your call. He chuckled, always my call. He then asked if my bottom felt well maintained....I quickly replied yes. To my surprise...and delight...He said we could forget maintenance today, but when we did get together tomorrow, the spanking would depend on tomorrow's weigh in, and if He was not happy, I would report again on Friday, and we could meet early in the morning.

I know when I am being presented with a golden opportunity...consistency and follow through are important and woderful..but just once in a while an early pardon, a reprieve, is a great surprise!

abby

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

intense, emotional, and...needed

My title sums up my afternoon. I sent in a report yesterday that I had gained 1 pound. I knew Master would not be pleased. I had a funeral in the morning, and spent my afternoon at DMV getting a new license, since I had discovered I lost mine.

By this morning, I had allowed my "voices" to invade and take over. I was questioning myself, Master, my submission. I did not send Master my good morning message, nor did I make my lunch time call. I even toyed with going shopping this morning without permission, but I could not bring myself to go that far. Master sent me a text, asking about my day, I barely replied. He said He would see me this afternoon, and instead of my Yes Sir, I replied ok. I was sinking fast.

When I got to Master's He gave me a look....and I melted. I said I owe You an apology as I sat down. He nodded, but said, there is a better place for you to be when you do that. I knelt at His feet, and apologized ...for all of it. Did not offer any excuses, just said I was sorry. Master said I had saved myself a trip to the basement, but I was still going to be punished.

"Run to me, not away from me", He said. He first spoke those words to me many years ago. For a while I could not figure out what He meant, I never physically ran away. But I did have all those walls that I retreated behind, and closed myself off. When I heard those words again, I realized I had just taken a big step into the past....and was even more sorry.

Master had me get up in the seat of an easy chair, and bend over the back so that my bottom was high and presented. Master used a strap, started hard and fast, and ended harder and faster, all over my bottom and some on my thighs. All the while reminding me what an expert scolder He is, telling me He does not fail, so I do not fail. He will do whatever is necessary to get me to the agreed goal, having me get permission before I eat anything, limiting my computer time (EEK!), tying me to a treadmill and paddling me...which has been done when we first started on this journey. I do not know how Master breathes when He scolds, since He never stops for breath. He let it be known that if I had another gain on Friday, the strapping would be doubled, and there would be more restrictions.

I love leather, but being punished by a determined Master is enough to make me re-think that love. My bottom was burning and welted. Master finally asked if I ahd been punished enough... after my Yes Sir, He rached around and started to play and tease and get me wet. When I started panting and wriggling He stopped. No permission to cum, this afternoon and tonite, maybe tomorrow, maybe longer. He sat down and I got up and went back to kneel by His feet. He smiled and said "good girl", my world was being put right again.

Master then reminded me that our agreement is I get to minus 70 by Thanksgiving, He is holding me to it, and I just made it more difficult. My food and exercise choices need to get better, and less of one and more of the other. He reminded me that once the goal is reach, we take a break and I get to decide if I want to continue.

He then told me to get closer and lay my head in His lap. As He was rubbing my back and my head, the tears finally came. MY walls were crumbling a little more. When I first met Master, I was just looking for a spanking or two. In fact, I was pretty convinced that every spanking would be my last, He would get smart and find someone younger, prettier, and definately sexier. He would tell me He wasn't going anyplace, I would nod, and think for now. When we started down the M/s road, I was a little more sure of "Us", but in the back of my mind always wondered if when the day came that I said I am happy with my weight, no more dieting, would He say fine, my job is done, good-bye.

Master has always reassured me that He is not going anyplace, that He has found what He was looking for. It has been almost 9 years now, and my trust has grown to a place I never imagined. Today, Master thanked me for giving Him the gift of "me", a gift He treasures and would never throw away or not cherish. I think He finally got through to me.

So, as I sit here on a sore bottom and thighs, I am content, I am at peace, I am His....His submissive, I am so lucky!

abby

Saturday, October 22, 2011

tasks

Master is away for the weekend, so I am left to my own devices. Master will get a laugh out of that sentence, He claims I am never left to my own devices. We spent some of Thursday afternoon, spanking and cuming and chatting....lol..it was not so very long ago I never thought I would ever write such a sentence!

I sense that Master is starting to push me a little. I have been feelig very comfortable and content with where we are now, and I think He takes take as a green light. I feel I am ready for more also, so we will see, He has started in little ways.

He has started to give me more tasks. He wants me to find a school girl skirt, I did hit a thrift store on Friday, but I think it is the wrong time of the year. He also told me to find 2 passages, that I enjoyed, from book 2 of the "Beauty" series this weekend, and send them to Him.

The teacher in me took over, and I started wondering, passages..sentences or paragraphs, did He want ones that were Hot or of significance for some reason, did he want me to elaborate. Finally I got a hold of myself and said, just find 2 you found interesting. I enjoyed that second book, so there was no lack of passages. I have not started the third book yet, been catching up the book for my book club.

I went to see "Dracula" with a friend earlier this evening, at a local theater group. I usually really enjoy their productions, but tonite for the whole last hour I just kept thinking, kill him already! The acting was good, and the stage sets great, but it was too long for my taste.

Hope you are all enjoying the weekend

abby

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

panty hose, reading and buckets

When master and I talked this morning, it was decided that maintenance would be this afternoon. He wasn't sure what time He would be free, but said He would text me.

I get a text....15 minutes, wear a skirt and panty hose. I read it twice, laughed sent back a yes Sir. I don't usually dress-up for Master since for the most part, my clothes come off as soon as I walk in. Then I thought...panty hose?????...who wears panty hose any more?? I do maybe once a year for something very special, and then I go out and buy a pair. I did not even know if I had a pair in my sock drawer. The clock was ticking so I went and found a skirt, and actually found a pair of panty hose in that drawer.

I walked in and Master smiled. I told Him panty hose almost did me in. He said he was very pleased with my quick yes Sir, with no arguments or excuses. Kneeling time with the skirt and panty hose still on. Then over His lap. He was surprised that I also had my panties on...3 layers. He started to spank with His hand and we were soon both giggling, His hand can be very hard, but 3 layers...So I had to pull off the panties but put the panty hose back on.

He proceeded with a nice hand warm up, checking to see if my bottom was warming up, it was, but barely. So out came the paddle, and although it was still very stingy, it was not as bad as it usually is. He would padddle, rub, reach in and see if my bottom was heating up. I was heating up, but He wasn't checking there.

Finally Master said...maintenance time. Tucked me in, and starting in harder and much faster. Yes, even over the panty hose, maintenance hurts! This time when Master reached in to rub my bottom it was hot. His fingers roamed to the front and kept rubbing and poking. It was not nearly enough, and I was releaved to hear Him ask if I wanted the panty hose to come down. Did I ever! I was soon whimpering and asking for permissions.

Master then pulled tha panty hose back up, and told me I was to wear them until this evening....when I was to ask for permission to cum and take them off. (that has already happened). Master then said maybe a school girl's skirt should come next, I was to look for one in the thrift shops. When we first met, we did did quite a bit of role playing...we both enjoyed it and it was a way of getting to know each other, and of introducing me to some of His toys. So I am thinking this could be fun, my deadline is Halloween...guess what my costume will be??

I have just finished reading the second book in Anne Rice's "Beauty" series. I enjoyed the first one, stayed in today to finsih the second one, which I really enjoyed. I will start on the third one in a few days, Master said it was "out there"...I have never read the third one.

Buckets...as in a bucket list. I have read that some of you have spanking bucket lists. I have a short life bucket list, and I thought it would be fun to create a spanking bucket list. I have been trying to come up with 10 items, or activities, things that are not wishes that need magic to accompish, but things that are doable. I am either pretty unimaginative or Master has been good at using a wide variety of activities..but so far I am far from listing 10 things. I will continue to think on it, and when I come up with my list will share. Any ideas to help me along??

abby

Friday, October 14, 2011

A wonderful way to spend a rainy afternoon!

I have been struggling with my diet lately. I lost a pound this week, cutting out most carbs, but when I reported the loss to Master I also said, I wasn't sure it was worth the struggle. He said He would decide that, and that we would have time this afternoon. By noontime it was pouring...it was to be a rainy afternoon.

We started as we always do, with my kneeling and Master pulling my hair, playing with my nipples, rubbing and reclaiming my body...me. He then asked me how many pounds I have lost since we started, 61. He then asked if could lose 9 more pounds before Thanksgiving. I replied, a pound a week, probably. So Master, made me a deal.....I lose 9 more pounds by or before Thanksgiving and I can maintain, plus or minus 2 pounds until the beginning of the year. In January we will discuss if I want to start again, or if I am happy with where I am, and He will let me decide. I was surprised with Master's offer, and I accepted it, I need to know there is a break soon, and knowing that Master will not allow me to gain the weight back is comforting.

With that settled, I was over Master's lap. He started with a wonderfully long hand spanking. He then sent me to get my toy bag ( a new rule is that I bring it everytime I see Master). It is not a large bag, I have a small variety of items. When I was back over His lap, I could hear him rummaging through the bag. I started to get a little nervous, as there are "toys" in there we have not used in a while.

Sure enough, Master had chosen one of my bottom toys...thankfully the smaller one. As soon as He started to insert it, I kept telling myself...relax. I managed to relax and Master went back to hand spanking me with stops to play with the toy. He then went back to my bag and was using a small leather strap. Since I was still OTK, He was not getting a lot of leverage, and it felt great...just stingy enough. He then chuckled as He pulled out my frog paddle..I am a frog collector...so of course I would have a frog paddle, It is light and as Master continued to use it with stops to play, I could feel myself start to get wetter and want more, offering Master my bottom.

Master pulled out the toy, and found the larger one in my bag. I was ready, and fairly relaxed, and with only a tiny struggle it popped in, and Master went back to spanking and playing. I have never really enjoyed this type of play, but this was definately a step in that direction.

Master then decided I should have both holes full, which was also a new sensation. It did not take long for me to be moaning and begging for permission. A few permissions later, I was unable to move or even moan. Master gently lead me back to earth, with wonderful after care.

When I got back home, I wa so relaxed, content and at peace, I decided to just enjoy the rest of the day. I put on some of my favorite music, did some reading...book and blogs, and just enjoyed the afterglow and the memory of what fun a rainy afternoon can be!

abby

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

maintenance, punishment and permissions!

Master and I had plans for yesterday. I asked if we could move maintenance spankings to the beginning of the week, thinking it would be more of a motivator. Just as I was leaving I got a call, canceled until Tuesday. He was disappointed as I was, and part of our conversation went like this..

M...I will be seeing you tomorrow, and we will have Maintenance.
me...I don't think so , I have book club tomorrow
M...(repeating), I will be seeing you tomorrow
me...(repeating), I have book club tomorrow
M...maybe you will be at book club with a sore bottom
me... guess we will see...

I will admit, after we hung up I thought, hmmm, maybe I was a little too "cheeky". Master never...at least so far...says no to a request for a planned club meeting or social event....so I did not think, He would not allow book club.

Today, Master and I met at lunch time. We started with the usual kneeling time, only as He was tugging, pulling and pinching my breasts, He was also pulling my hair, hard. It did take my mind off my breasts, and quickly put me in a very submissive place.

Then it was over His lap. We started with a hand warm-up. Yummy! A little rubbing, some all over spanking, and I was relaxed. He asked if it was enough of a warm-up...and although it never really is....I said it was. I felt the cool wood of a light paddle and took a deep breath. Master was paddling at a steady rate, and heating up my bottom, but I also recoginized it was not the hardest paddling. I crossed my ankles, and Master said to open them, than later crossed them again. He pulled them apart, I apologized and said it was instinct. He said, partly, but it is also not being totally open to me, do not cross them. They ( notice I am blaming my feet), did cross once more, but I quickly spread them on my own. One more thing for me to think about when I am trying to breathe.

Master stopped, and I am thinking, this was a pretty good maintenance.
Then, as the paddle is circling my bottom, He asks....what did you think of out last phone chat? Ut Oh....this might not be good. I ask,,,yesterday's? He says yes, that was the last time. I am stalling, trying to think of a good answer....one that might not set that paddle going again.

I say it was not my best submissive self. He asks why...what did I do that I should not. The respect word comes up, and I am always disappointed in myself when He feels I have been disrespectful...and He is right. He reminds me He does not allow even a little bit of disrespect.

Maintenance will now move on to punishment. The paddle is really flying, and much harder. I am hanging on to my pillow, and determined to stay in place, and accept this punishment. It seems to go on forever, my bottom is on fire. I finally shout out...I am sorry Sir. He says that's a start, and has me tell Him what I am sorry for, and why...and how I will change that behaviour...all the time still really swinging that paddle. finally I hear...Count them!...I hate counting...One Sir, and He is now swinging even harder....I decide to count quickly, and I manage to get to 10...with of course the last one being harder still. He stops, I am trying to catch my breath...

I am sent to fetch the toy that He bought for me, the one that I always insist is too big...and He chuckles. I am ready and soon I am close to needing permission, it is granted and I am off. After a bit, I try to calm, but Master is still navigating the toy, and now has started using the paddle at the same time. I ask for another permission, and even after, I seem to be full of "smalled tremors" as Master put it.

On the diet front, I lost 1/2 pound over the weekend. I was getting discouraged, and wondering if maybe I needed a break. Master....who I swear can read my mind suggested a no carb week. Actually He said, no carbs this week. I am a carboholic, especially at breakfast and lunch. Since the weather has been great, I have been walking a near by bike path, even on the weekend. We discussed how the no carb was going, and I think pretty well. I have a breakfst, a lunch and a dinner out this week, each with a different group of friends, so we will see. I really want a good number on Friday, so hopefully I will make wise choices.

Our amazing weather is about to come to an end...but it has been great!

abby

Friday, October 7, 2011

Now that is my idea of maintenance!

Master and I have different ideas on the definition of maintenance spankings. Most weeks, you can guess who's definition is used...Master's...maintenance is a deterrant, and therefore should be remembered and leave me not wanting to chance a harder spanking.

My definition is more of a reconnection, fun time spanking. This past week Thursday was maintenance day. After our kneeling reclaiming time, Master sat and told me to go over His lap....YEAH! Master started with a wonderful hand warm up...YEAH YEAH! The feel of His hand is the best, I know I can relax and let myself go. He continued with His hand, the spanks getting harder and more deliberate...and I was sooo getting into it...His hand can be hard, but I was eagerly waiting each next spank.

Finally His fingers started to roam...YEAH YEAH YEAH!. I had not been permitted to cum all week, until I had loss the 2 pounds I had gained the week before...I reported that loss on that very morning of maintenance. Master almost immediately chuckled, saying I knew you would be soooo ready for me. He had barely touched me and I was whimpering and trying to urge Him on to more...silently, of course. He kept reminding me that I did not have permission yet, to slow down...but oh my!

Master then asked me if I really wanted to cum...he can be such a comedian. "yes, Sir", I panted out. Then He asked do you want to a lot?? Without thinking, I relied....Yes, Yes.

I was off...and off...and off...When I started to say no more...Master reminded me I had said I wanted a lot! He did not let up, until I was totally spent and exhausted. Master said, I guess over a week is too long...I just moaned. That man, My Master, can get reactions out of me I never would have thought possible, and...enjoy himself at the same time.

It is going to be a beautiful weekend here...hope the great weather is where you are also....

abby

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

THANK YOU

Just a quick post to say THANK YOU to Jazmine and Bonnie for their help in solving my posting problem! I would give a link to their blogs, but of course I do not know how to! Blogging friends are the best!
abby

Monday, October 3, 2011

ARGHHH HELP!!

Anyone have any ideas...I cannot post of others blogs, or even post a reply on my. I am signed in, abt no matter what I try my posts do not get through, and it is not that they have to be apporved...the message just POOFS..disappears. I have been able to post on a couple blogs, but tonight I cannot even post a reply on my own???? thanks abby