I have had an up and down past few days. Last week was one of those where all feels right ... I was focused, calm, relaxed, happy with my little piece of the world. I felt I was finally beginning to let some major walls crumble. Yesterday, I woke up to doubts, questions, and I started to go within myself. Master says I go quiet on Him...not a good sign. I knew that Master was having an extra busy day, so I decided to just try and ignore my feelings.
Of course that did not work too well. I think I talked myself into a mild panic and thought that maybe instead of letting those walls crack I should be putting them back up. It wasn't really what I wanted, but the thought of being that open, scared me.
Master, who claims he can hear my thoughts and feel my moods at a distance, knew that something was not right. He let me know this morning, that He would see me this afternoon. We hugged, chatted, had some kneeling time, during which He repeated to me, that busy or not, I am still supposed to keep in touch with Him. He understands my reasoning, wanting to not bother Him, but it is not what He wants or expects. Calls, texts, reports are all to continue, I am not being a pest....I am doing what He wants. He asked if I understood, I replied, Yes Sir, but too quietly, and He had me answer Him several more times, before he was satisfied.
While I was over His lap, He asked why I had "gone quiet". I said it did not matter anymore, I did not want to talk about it. Not quite the answer He wanted. He said He was going to start spanking my thighs, and would stop when I started talking. He started off lightly, but continued with no breaks. My thighs are a lot more sensitive than my bottom. After a while he said, You can stop this when you decide to talk, I am not stopping until you talk. I finally had enough and decided to talk.
We discussed some long standing fears, and my thinking I needed to start shoring up some walls, along with a couple other concerns. Master always, is excellent at getting to the crux of the matter, making me see it in another light, and assuring me that I am not going crazy. He did say that if I dared to start rebuilding any walls, He was going to use the largest paddle He had to break them down....think I won't go to the trouble of rebuilding them.
I was still over His lap. I used to hate chatting while in that position, but it does have it's advantages. He started to spank again....on my bottom. He only used His hand....but His hand can be plenty hard, plus He tends to roam...an added advantage. I am always surprised, at how quickly He can get me squirming and moaning, His voice, His look, His wonderful hands...every part of Him...just seems to get my "juices" flowing. Several permissions later, I was spent and content with the knowledge, that I am His.
Another plus for today was that I convinced Master that a stay the same weigh in was acceptable for Mondays. He did say, because He was giving me an inch, I should not try to turn it into a foot...as I am apt to do:) abby