Monday, May 23, 2011

to be or not to

When I saw Master this afternoon, after the hugs, one of the first things He said was that I had left something out of my account of my weekend. One of my newest rules, is that I have to ask for permission for any trip outiside the county...and since I have to ask for local trips and errands, that means permission for all excursions. Asking for family and trips with friends has been difficult for me to accept. It is not that I worry that Master will say no just because He can, mainly He just wants to know when I will leave and return, and what I have planned. When the trip to Sesame Place was brought up by my kids, it sounded great, we made plans, chose dates, and found a motel. All before I had asked Master about it. So, my punishment was that I had to wear my plug for the trip to my daughter's. It is about a 4 1/2 hour trip, Master said I could call or text half way to see if I could be more comfortable for the rest of the trip. He did allow that, nice Master that He sometimes is....and He made His point...ask before planning, for both have to and want to trips.

I weighed in this morning to plus 1/2 pound, considering I spent 2 days at a theme park and back problems have made exercise not probable until today, I was pleased. Master, of couse, said it showed good effort, but he expected a loss...No going backwards is His mantra. He had His little brush paddle, and warmed me up with it, and then it was a farily quick hard spanking.

Master then remarked that I alsways wear plain cotton white panties. Actually I do have colored ones, and on the days that I feel really daring, I have ones with patterns. He asked if I had sexier reply was no. I don't, for a long time I have not considered myself sexy, I hear a long ago voice in my head reaffirming that. Master has showed me that I am sensual, and that orgasms can and do come in multiples. Master said I needed to change my mindset, I have lost 60 pounds, and I need to think of myself as sexy. I don't know,,,I am not young or skinny or pretty, sexy is a pretty tall order. He gave me the task of looking at pics of sexy bras and panties, and sending Him a pic of those I liked.

I have been trying to think of when was the last time I shopped for pretty or sexy underthings....I am guessing college or slightly after. I told Master that clothes, or undies do not make a person sexy. He knows that, but they might help. I change how I see myself?
I don't know.



  1. You just wrenched my gut. I'm right there with you and I don't have the answers. 4 years ago, I lost 140 pounds. Plus or minus 10 I've kept 130 of it off. I feel great but the mindset of being heavy, not attractive, etc doesn't change very easily. What's funny is that I read your words and want to say to you "it's time.. let yourself feel it!!" But then I could never take my own words to heart... even though I KNOW that YOU should listen to me :)

  2. Eva, thanks so much for your reply. I did buy some sexier undies, in a size that I did not think would my surprise they do! But when I looked at myself..well...I will try to "let myself feel it" keep trying also. Fours years..good for you! abby