Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Change...Growth....or...Discovery

I woke up Monday morning wondering how I was going to get out of bed...and once I managed that, walking was near impossible. I found my heating pad and muscle relaxants and went back to bed. By evening I managed a shower. Yesterday was much better, and today better still...for that I am very thankful.

Master and I met today for maintenance. I am leaving tomorrow to spend a few days with both grand daughters and their parents at Sesame Street World...talk about fun! Since I am trying to be careful of my back, Master decided to eliminate kneeling time, and maintenance consisted of a short hand spanking, and a little play time, and of course His repeating to me that I am always His, and His expectations follow me ..even when I am in the company of Elmo and Big Bird!

I have been thinking about writing an entry on changes for a while now...PK over at "New Beginnings" recently wrote about changes in her life, so I decided to stop thinking and get writing.

A few months ago, after a fairly intense session, I thanked Master for changing me, He replied, without hesitation, He had not changed me. He had helped me to grow and discover the "me" that was always there. It was not an answer I expected, so I kept quiet and thought about it. I really think this is a case where we are both right...yes, He certainly has made it possible for me to dig deep and discover a me, that might never have seen the light of day. He positively has helped me to grow. But that growth and discovery have led to major changes...so I guess we are both right. I do recognize that in case of a tie...Master always wins!!!

What changes? One that is obvious to everyone, the physical change. I have lost 60 pounds! It's hard to believe I can even say that. I know I will not re-gain them. I still have more to go, but 60 pounds is truly amazing to me.

Secondly, acceptance of who I am. A very long time ago, a gentleman I was corresponding with, referred to me as a submissive. I laughed and vehemently denied it. NO WAY...NOT ME. Master and I had known each other for 2 years, before that word came up again. Master led me down the road to acceptance slowly, always making me feel safe and accepted.

Sexually Master has brought me to a whole new world. Multiple oragasm are the norm, and my body...no matter what the weight....is nothing to be ashamed of. I am a sexual being, I should relish and enjoy that, it is a good thing. I figure that the multiple orgasms are helping me to make up on all the ones I missed before Master!

Looking at a bigger picure of me, Master has helped me to become a calmer more open person. He has taught me to relax and enjoy, without having to be the one in charge. He is always willing to listen and help me come to a decision, reassuring me that I am not going crazy. Over the years, I had constructed lots of very strong and large walls. They are coming down, something I was sure would never happen. Pieces of them are still there, but those walls are more fragile with lots of cracks in them...I did not think anyone could do that. I can now ask for help, and not be embarrassed.

Positive changes, some of which I never thought possible. Overall , I am calmer, more positive, open, sexual and content. Those changes make me believe that I am a very lucky submissive indeed!

abby

4 comments:

  1. wow ... very nice post! Congrats to you too... that is a lot of hard work, with wonderful results, both physically and mentally!
    Hugs....

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm still stunned that for me all this started around the age of 49. Who expected all these wonderful new things about the time some people (children) began to view us as over the hill! If they only knew.

    I'm so happy all your changes have been so positive!

    Hugs,
    PK

    ReplyDelete
  3. How wonderful to reap these rewards! Enjoy Sesame Place!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Histoy....Thanks...it is not always ease, but often worth it! abby


    PK...I concentrated on the positive for this post, real life is never all positive. I started on this journey at 50....when I thought I was nearly on top if that hill. Happily the best was yet to come! abby

    Sara...Thanks..hope the weather cooperates. I will report on Big Bird and his crew when I return!

    ReplyDelete