Thursday, May 26, 2011

Pretend this is last night

I was supposed to write and post last night. I did think of it early on, but then got busy, forgot, and remembered today while I was driving to Boston.

Yesterday was maintenance day. I had been shopping the day before for some new "undies"...I had asked Master for permission to go on a scouting mission. The shopping was fun, there is lots of stuff out there, and deciding what to buy was difficult. I did find some sales, so I stuck to those items. I tried them on when I got home. I was pleased that they fit, I had brought them in a non plus size store, in a size I have not worn for a while..and they fit! Did I feel sexy when I looked in the thought...darn I should lose more weight. But they did feel nice.

I wore the balck lace bra and panties to maintenance. I have to admit, dressing in something special for Master was more exciting than just wearing the usual. We chatted for a bit when I arrived and then He told me to undress and He stood there watching with great interest...made me a little squirmy. He approved....very much so! I even got to keep the bra and panties on, until He peeled them down during my spanking. Maintenance was a long hand favorite kind of maintenance! We had extended play time after...leaving me very breathless.

We talked about the fact that I would be leaving today, too soon after I just returned home. I am in Boston for a couple days, before I take my grand daughter and go to see my mom. She has been wanting me to come for a while, and since this weekend is Memorial Day and would have been mom and dad's 63 anniversary, I decided this would be a good time.

I will be away for about 10 days, and Master expects me to stick to my rules ,,,, and no gaining, or I could be facing one of those nasty basement sessions. I promised to try...I have leaarned that gaining just means I have to lose it again...and that is a lot of work for no progress.

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend...


Monday, May 23, 2011

to be or not to

When I saw Master this afternoon, after the hugs, one of the first things He said was that I had left something out of my account of my weekend. One of my newest rules, is that I have to ask for permission for any trip outiside the county...and since I have to ask for local trips and errands, that means permission for all excursions. Asking for family and trips with friends has been difficult for me to accept. It is not that I worry that Master will say no just because He can, mainly He just wants to know when I will leave and return, and what I have planned. When the trip to Sesame Place was brought up by my kids, it sounded great, we made plans, chose dates, and found a motel. All before I had asked Master about it. So, my punishment was that I had to wear my plug for the trip to my daughter's. It is about a 4 1/2 hour trip, Master said I could call or text half way to see if I could be more comfortable for the rest of the trip. He did allow that, nice Master that He sometimes is....and He made His point...ask before planning, for both have to and want to trips.

I weighed in this morning to plus 1/2 pound, considering I spent 2 days at a theme park and back problems have made exercise not probable until today, I was pleased. Master, of couse, said it showed good effort, but he expected a loss...No going backwards is His mantra. He had His little brush paddle, and warmed me up with it, and then it was a farily quick hard spanking.

Master then remarked that I alsways wear plain cotton white panties. Actually I do have colored ones, and on the days that I feel really daring, I have ones with patterns. He asked if I had sexier reply was no. I don't, for a long time I have not considered myself sexy, I hear a long ago voice in my head reaffirming that. Master has showed me that I am sensual, and that orgasms can and do come in multiples. Master said I needed to change my mindset, I have lost 60 pounds, and I need to think of myself as sexy. I don't know,,,I am not young or skinny or pretty, sexy is a pretty tall order. He gave me the task of looking at pics of sexy bras and panties, and sending Him a pic of those I liked.

I have been trying to think of when was the last time I shopped for pretty or sexy underthings....I am guessing college or slightly after. I told Master that clothes, or undies do not make a person sexy. He knows that, but they might help. I change how I see myself?
I don't know.


Sunday, May 22, 2011

I do not live in a rose garden

..Hope you all had a great weekend...mine was loads of fun! Sesame Place was a big hit with my 2 grand-daughters. Seeing them dance with Elmo and Mr. Noodles, and hug Big Bird, splash in the water park, and ride the rides with grandma, was a big hit with me!

My last post listed the some of the changes that have occured since I met Master. I chose to list all positive changes, since the good far outweighs the bad. But no, we do not exist in a perfect rose garden. Relationships are a tricky business, real life can be difficult, ups, downs, sometimes even sideways. Journeys are exciting, but also have detours.

There have certainly been times when either Master or I have wondered if we should continue, luckily never both at the same time. Rose gardens come with sweet smells, pretty flowers and lots of thorns....

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I woke up Monday morning wondering how I was going to get out of bed...and once I managed that, walking was near impossible. I found my heating pad and muscle relaxants and went back to bed. By evening I managed a shower. Yesterday was much better, and today better still...for that I am very thankful.

Master and I met today for maintenance. I am leaving tomorrow to spend a few days with both grand daughters and their parents at Sesame Street about fun! Since I am trying to be careful of my back, Master decided to eliminate kneeling time, and maintenance consisted of a short hand spanking, and a little play time, and of course His repeating to me that I am always His, and His expectations follow me ..even when I am in the company of Elmo and Big Bird!

I have been thinking about writing an entry on changes for a while now...PK over at "New Beginnings" recently wrote about changes in her life, so I decided to stop thinking and get writing.

A few months ago, after a fairly intense session, I thanked Master for changing me, He replied, without hesitation, He had not changed me. He had helped me to grow and discover the "me" that was always there. It was not an answer I expected, so I kept quiet and thought about it. I really think this is a case where we are both right...yes, He certainly has made it possible for me to dig deep and discover a me, that might never have seen the light of day. He positively has helped me to grow. But that growth and discovery have led to major I guess we are both right. I do recognize that in case of a tie...Master always wins!!!

What changes? One that is obvious to everyone, the physical change. I have lost 60 pounds! It's hard to believe I can even say that. I know I will not re-gain them. I still have more to go, but 60 pounds is truly amazing to me.

Secondly, acceptance of who I am. A very long time ago, a gentleman I was corresponding with, referred to me as a submissive. I laughed and vehemently denied it. NO WAY...NOT ME. Master and I had known each other for 2 years, before that word came up again. Master led me down the road to acceptance slowly, always making me feel safe and accepted.

Sexually Master has brought me to a whole new world. Multiple oragasm are the norm, and my matter what the nothing to be ashamed of. I am a sexual being, I should relish and enjoy that, it is a good thing. I figure that the multiple orgasms are helping me to make up on all the ones I missed before Master!

Looking at a bigger picure of me, Master has helped me to become a calmer more open person. He has taught me to relax and enjoy, without having to be the one in charge. He is always willing to listen and help me come to a decision, reassuring me that I am not going crazy. Over the years, I had constructed lots of very strong and large walls. They are coming down, something I was sure would never happen. Pieces of them are still there, but those walls are more fragile with lots of cracks in them...I did not think anyone could do that. I can now ask for help, and not be embarrassed.

Positive changes, some of which I never thought possible. Overall , I am calmer, more positive, open, sexual and content. Those changes make me believe that I am a very lucky submissive indeed!


Friday, May 13, 2011

Maintenance....on a still tender bottom

...I returned home after my punishment on Tuesday with a very sore bottom. It is rare for me to still be sore the day after, tender maybe but not sore. Tuesday nite I thought of Master each and every time I rolled over, and sitting on Wednesday, made me catch my breath. I texted Master when I first woke up on Wednesday, telling Him about my nite....His reply was,...good!!..which was what I expected. To my surprise, the same thing happened Wednesday nite, and all day Wednesday sitting was not a happy time. Two days after a spanking and still sore...Master had outdone Himself.

On Wednesday morning when I texted Master to tell Him I was still very sore, His reply was....and you still have maintenance for this week. Honestly, for the first time since we started maintenance..a little more than a year...the word had not even crossed my mind. When we talked later in the day, I asked if we could wait until Friday, He does not like to wait until Friday, so He said maybe.

We did wait until today, my bottom is still tender, but not as sore. We started with hugs and some kneeling time, which is really shutting out the whole rest of the world time...and I have started to really look forward to that time. Master also reminded me, that no matter what other spankings I get during the week, maintenance will still happen. During this time, Master had me put my head down, bottom up, so He could examine the marks on my bottom. They are still there, a little faded. The ones on my breasts and thighs are just about gone.

Then it was over Master's lap for the spanking. Master reminded me that to be effective maintenance has to be a serious spanking. I was very happy to feel Him start off with His hand. It was a long and hard hand spanking, and rekindled the fire in my bottom, knowing I was still very tender, the spanking ended with just His hand.

Then came a little discussion. One of my more recent rules, is that I need Master's permission before I make the final plans for a trip. For a couple years now, I have had to ask for permission to go any place from home. I was a little hesistant about this rule, but it turns out to be not nearly as restrictive as it sounds. Master is very good at answering a text, and the asking really reminds me that I am His submissive.

A few months ago, Master decided He wanted me to start asking for permission for all trips. Although I know that Master does not say no just fo the sake of saying no, I was very hesistant about this. He simply wants to know when I will leave and return, and where I will be. He also would like me to limit time away to 1 week. So far it has not caused a problem, although I still am uncomfortable with the asking.

When I returned from my recent trip to Boston, Master asked when the next trip was....and I started right in telling Him we were all...both granddaughters and moms and dads...going to Sesame Street Place for a weekend in May. As I was telling Him about the plans, I realized He was quiet....til He said, You told them you would go and the plans are all set, and this is the first time I hear about it. GULP Sooo....I quickly asked if I could go and explained that we had talked about it, and since it was just a weekend I figured it was not a problem. I kept saying to Master, but it is just a weekend, and He kept saying, You made plans without asking for permission. He also pointed out that this is a "want to, and not a have to" trip. So Master said we would discuss it again later.

Well, the trip is next weekend, and I have been good and not mentioned it again. But today I had to ask again. The plan is to leave Thursday afternoon, got to my daughter's, and on Friday we would all meet up at Sesame Place. Master said I could go, but He wanted me to wait til Friday to leave, as my punishment for not asking before planning. I told Him that I would have to leave between 3 and 4 in the morning to make it to Sesame Place by 10....and that my daughter who lives here was coming with me. Master said, since my daughter was coming along, I could leave on Thursday, but that I would find out that there might be worse things than getting up at 3 AM....He is going to let me know what that is next week...I may be travelling with a very sore bottom, or a filled on. "You will learn to ask before planning", is an exact quote...and I guess I will. As I thought about this, I have come to realize to...just a not a good excuse. It could be just and overnight, and I would still need to ask.


Tuesday, May 10, 2011


Master re-set me this afternoon...that's His word for it. I am sitting here stripes on my thighs, my breast, and of course my bottom...a bottom that is still burning.

My weigh-in last Friday was a 1 pound lost...I was happy, but even more surprised! I had those munchies and chocolate cravings all week, I got a mixed basket of Godiva from one granddaughter and a whoopie pie package from the other. I had not sent in a daily report, since I was "indulging". A 1 pound lost was almost a miracle, I should have thanked the diet gods and got back on track.

I had a girls' nite out on Saturday, we saw a show, went out to dinner, then to a house for chocolate martinis and munchies. Sunday was mother's day...enough said.

The diet gods left me to my own fate, and I gained 2 pounds on Monday.
So, today was my day of reckoning, I got re-set.

After my welcoming hug, Master commented on how quiet I was. I replied that I was not in the mood to be spanked. "You are in for more than a spanking,"....I replied that "I am even less in a mood for that." My mood was noted, then ignored.

After some kneeling time, Master announced that I would be getting a hand warm-up, and then a long caning...good news/bad news.

Master sat on an ottoman as I went over His lap, He wanted my hands and feet on the ground. The warm-up was long and harder as it continued. It also served to relax me and change my mood. I knew the warm up was a gift, since I rarely get one before a punishment, and this was a very thorough one.

I was then told to put my hands on the ottoman, stick my bottom out, and spread my legs. There is no gentle way to start a caning. (or continue one or finish one.) Master was striping me in sets of 6. I am not sure how many sets, I was busy breathing and staying in position. I did not want Him to have to start over! I felt Him tap my thighs and a "no" came out of me.

Master had me stand, and asked me....what part of You belongs to Me. The only answer to that question is all of me , Sir. My thighs were His target, 4 quick ones. He then told me to stretch my arms in front of me, palms up, and used the cane on my palms. I pulled them away, He told me to put them back, and I did for one more swish of the cane. I moved them away, but quickly put them back without being told.

Master then told me to present my breast to Him. I hesitated, He repeated. I held them up, a little. I was told to push them together and stretch them out. I did and closed my eyes, I had never been caned on my breast, and I am not fond of any breast play. Master gave me 4 strokes of the cane, and I survived. He then asked the question again, what part of me belongs to Him. Without any hesitation, I gave Him the correct reply.

I was then told to kneel down. I did, in position, eyes closed. I heard Master tell me to open my eyes, He was kneeling in front of me. After some gentle touching and caressing I was calm, and so sure that I am His, that all I want is to please this special man. He then asked me if I was happy with where I was or if I wanted to try for more. I gave it a little thought, I knew that He would accept any answer I decided on. I said that I was happier with myself than I was when we first started, but yes, I would love to lose more. Master said give me 10 more pounds, and really give it your all. No going backwards, no waffling, just do it, and then You will stay put for a while. I agreed, and then He said it was time to finish my caning.

Words I did not want to hear. You know what that means, He continued, I nodded....these would be the hardest ones. He told me to get back over the ottoman, I hesitated for a minute, He said no hesitation, I do not like hesitation. Over the ottoman I went, trying to prepare myself.

The first 6 had me hanging on, and panting and ouching very loudly. Then the next 5 and just as I was feeling a small sense of relief, I felt the cane on my thighs. Master asked, should the last one be here. I replied No Sir, but it was not the answer He was looking for. Any place You want Sir, was the correct answer, one I finally said. He tapped my thighs and pulled back, I was holding my breath, this was bound to be the hardest one yet, and He swung at... my bottom, and not any harder than the others had been....not that they were not hard enough. I quickly spit out a Thank You Sir.

I got up to hugs. Master then told me to get over His lap. I quickly complied. He said, no hesitation, that is what I always want, no thinking, just acting. You can think after You do what I say. After some rubbing and quiet chatting Master had me get up. I do not get to cum after a punishment, or now a re-setting. After more hugs, I got reading to leave. I left a much calmer, submissive, satisfied "young lady".


Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

Just a quick note..Hope all of you mom's and caregivers and grandmoms had a wonderfuf day! I skyped with my beautiful granddaughters, and had a day that was very nice! (and no rain , just sunshine!)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

a task for tonite..and some advice, please?

My sneezings last Friday, turned into a full blown cold and sinus thing. The weekend was a total loss, on Monday I started to feel human, better yesterday, and much better today. Now if it only could stop raining!

After I had assured Master this morning that I was feeling much better, He declared it maintenance day. Actually He mentioned it yesterday, but I really did not want to be spanked, sort of a first for me, but as much as I had dreamed of maintenance, and yes, it is a good thing for me/Us, it is not always something to look forward to. We talked about that a bit today, Master remimded me that it has greatly reduced the number of major punishment sessions, and does keep those naughty little voices at bay. I know all that, but it still hurts!

Much to my surprise,and He does like to keep me guessing, I was told to lean over the arm of the sofa, bottom up and out, legs spread. It was going to be belt day, with no warm-up. Leather is usually a good thing, but no warm up is not. He started right in, with His belt doubled. After the first few I started to rise, but was reminded not to, that this spanking was not optional, and He was going to use the belt. After a few more, with me really ouching, He decided to try not to have the belt, be careful what you ask for! I found that to be much worse, so after a few more Master went back to the doubled belt. I guess that is His was of not being mean.

I am not sure how many times He swung that belt, but eventually I heard 12 more. That is both a relief and a warning. I now know how many before the end, which helps me, but I also know they will be the hardest yet. When I started to whine, Master rubbed my thighs...I took the hint and stuck my bottom out further. I survived the 12 (actually I only counted 11, but did not question Master's math! (;

Master then started to rub and commented on how hot my bottom was...really??? After some rubbing, and touching, and proding, He invited me to go over His lap, no whining now! After more rubbing and touching and finding all the rights spots, I hear...I wonder if I could get you to ask for 12 more of the belt, to earn an orgasm. I have no doubt He would do such a thing, so I was in a slight panic, begging to have permission to cum. After more teasing, Master asked if I was ready to ask for the belt, when I shoke my head no, He nicely and gaciouly and wonderfully allowed me to cum. (Thank You Master!)

Master then said that my bottom had cooled off a little, the rest of me was sweating! He started to hand spank me. As He continued, He asked if I would cum just from His spanking me....I used to think "no way"..."impossible"...but it has happened a couple times lately, so I relaxed, asked for some harder spanks and it happened, I will never understand it, but maybe just enjoying it is enough.

Master then gave me a task for tonite, I was to take out my biggest toy and fuck myself hard with it for 5 minutes, then cum for Him. I have completed that task, but I only own 1 vibrator, and it is a very small one. I think it is time to move up, so to speak. I am going to ask Master if I may purchase at least one more...and I need suggestions. Please help me with any suggestions as to what works well for you! Thanks!