...Today was maintenance day for this week. I had asked Master yesterday for a day, and my choice was today. Usually when i know when, i am calmer, more focused. Today, for some reason i was antsy all day, not for any one particular reason, just more on edge. When i saw Master, His day had not gone well. I suggested we could wait for another day either tomorrow or Friday. But he said no, today is fine. Master views maintenance as a reminder and a deterrant. Today's fell under the deterrant category. He told me to bend over the back of the sofa, one of my least favorite positions and i immediately felt something hard and cold on my bare bottom. With no warm up, He started with stong strokes and it did not take long until i was struggling to stay in place. He put His hand on my back and continued. After a few more i was ouching loudly...this was more that i had expected.
He stopped to rub my bottom and massage my back, asking me why we have maintenance, telling me that to be a deterrant to punishment it had to hurt, i had to remember it. Finally He asked if i was feeling better, i replied for now...He chuckled. Twelve more on each cheek...which meant on the exact same spot. I struggled through the first 12, but did manage to breathe and stay in place. Master always seems to spank harder on one side, and i was hoping the harder said was over with....and it was. The next side was easier to get through, partly because i knew they were the last 12....with the very last one being one to really remember.
We then talked about my being away again next week. Master knows my time with my grand daughters is important to me, and He graciously allows me all the time i need to be away. He said this time, i would have to return having loss weight, not staying the same. I "argued" pointing out why i thought that was impossible. Master was not buying it, since i am already above my goal, i need to get back there. I pleaded some more, and although He did not change His mind, He agreed we could talk about it some more on Friday, after my weigh in.
Birthday...not mine....not Master's....but of maintenance! One year ago tomorrow, I had my first maintenance spanking. There are times in every relationship that are crossroads or turning points, and i consider the start of maintenance to be an important day in my submission to Master.
One year ago today, i was feeling....not all that submissive. For a lot of reasons, i was feeling that Master and i had stopped moving forward, that i was struggling with submission and confused as to why i was struggling, why could i not just be or maintain my submission on my own? No, i did not feel i could discuss this with Master, but on that day i read a blog, that mirrored my feelings, and said it so well. I asked if i could quote the blog in a note to Master. It took me a while to hit the send button, but i sent the note, explaining that this was how i felt.
We met the next day, and Master's first words were....you need maintenance spankings. I immediately denied it, but He said, not it is a great idea. I had often wondered what it would be like to know that you would get spanked every week, not just every second, third or fourth week. I had my first maintenance spanking that week, and Master said they would happen weekly. To be honest i wondered how long the weekly part would last...even though i knew Master was a man of His word and always follows through. So every week for this past year, unless one of us was out of town for the whole week, or my back was out, i have been spanked, at least once. I quickly learned that if i had earned a punishment....it did not replace the maintenance spanking, it was in addition to it, a bit of a surprise.
Maintenance has been good for me, very good.
...Maintenance has helped to quiet the voices that would get into my head, and cause me to doubt, to waver, to get into trouble. Now those voices don't have much of a chance, Master is spanking them away!
...Maintenance has greatly diminished the need for Punishment spankings...the capitol P ones! Master means for them to be a deterrant, and He spanks so they are...i do not need to test or wonder. I can concentrate on pleasing, and that is so much nicer..for both of us , i hope.
...Maintenance has helped me to "relax" into my submission. Not sure i can explain this one, but i feel it has become a real part of me, of the every day me. To worry less about the mechanics , the whens, the ifs, the maybes, just leave those where they belong, in Master's hands.
...Maintenance has also given Master and i more time to talk face to face. Phone conversations, emails and texting are just not the same. We get to share more of our lives, we get to laugh more together, we seem more real life. We were real time Master and submissive, but it somehow did not feel like really part of my every day life, now i know, that i am His, every day, that i am submissive not just when i am getting spanked or whipped or flogged, but i am His submissive all of the time, no matter where i am, or what i am doing.
...All of the above has helped for this past year to be one of many steps forward. After 8 years, i finally cried for Master this year, more than once even! He is not only in my heart, but also in my head, He is my constant companion, mentor, Master.
Finally....THANK YOU Master. You know me better than i know myself. You are willing to give me what i need, You have more than earned my trust, my submission, my love. May this coming year be as good as this past one has been!
a very content abby