Wednesday, March 30, 2011

OUCH...but not the "good kind"

It was a wonderful birthday weekend. My granddaughter is quickly becoming a little girl, no longer a baby. She was very excited over her birthday weekend, did not have any "meltdowns", and loved every gift she received. My son and daughter in law in Boston, announced that they are also expecting a new addition in the late fall. So, by the end of this year, I will have doubled my grandchild count!...How exciting!

The one "clink" was by me. I felt my back twitch several times over the weekend, but managed to just ignore it. The last nite we were there, I tried to roll over in bed... and big OUCH, from my back, down my leg. It was a long nite, the next morning, it took me 15 minutes to figure out how to get out of bed. I did get out of sharing the driving...but driving would have been much more fun. I am slowly getting better...much too slowly. I can sleep all night, and as long as I don't bend and move slowly I can move around during the day.

I am really hoping that I can get a "good" ouch from Master soon, since i am leaving Sunday for Boston to help with my 18 month old granddaughter, and to see my mom. It is my dad's birthday that week, so my sister and i have planned to do something special with her.

abby...who is still waiting for spring weather to arrive!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Big party weekend!

I am excited that i will be partying this weekend! No not a munch or a spanking party, or anything do to with granddaughter turns 3!
She is sooo excited, she has called me twice this week,to be sure i don't forget. She wants a cake...with the letters C A K E on i teased and said grandma put on k e a c...she said that does not spell cake grandma! She wants balloons, ice cream and surprises! My son and his family are also driving to the party from Boston, so we will all be together. Looks like a hectic, busy, wonderful time!

I did see Master today, for a reminder, weekend maintenance spanking...not sure why every spanking needs a title. He's been working on a complete re-do of a bathroom, is getting close to being finished and it is beautiful. But lately, everytime i get spanked it seems to be with some leftover piece of material! I can't wait for Him to start putting the towels in place!

Today's "gem" was a piece of acrylic something...He gave me the technical name i just can't remember. He used the other part of it for a shelf in the shower. So, after some kneeling time, i went ovet His lap, and He started with my clothes on, a few with His hand, then this big sting! I put my head up and tried to see what He was using. He showed me and i moaned. We worked our way to my bare bottom, and that thing packs a wallop! Much more sting that any of the leftover pieces of wood He has been using. The last 10 were very hard! As i was squirming, He said, these can't be that hard or any worse than my head i am saying then let's try them on You and You can judge! I have learned to keep those conversations in my head, at least most of the time.

When He was done He said i took that i had a choice! i did get nicely rewarded, with Master checking and playing and rubbing til i just had to have a permission or 2. Actually it seemd like one very long orgasm, just more and more and more. Finally when i calmed down, i asked for another...which i rarely do. Master chuckled and said, oh...more than one....even when it is a never ending one? When Master and i first started on this journey, i always told Him 1 was enough...more than enough...He only listened to me the first couple of times, before he decided how many was enough.

We chatted a bit about the coming weekend and staying in touch, and that the maintaining part of the diet does not take a break. Master hates to go backwards. As i was leaving i told Master to be sure to put that acrylic thingy in the recycle bin!

Hope you all have a great weekend....and i will be enjoying party time with my 2 sweet granddaughters!


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Needing maintenance, asking

One of the things that i was unprepared for when i started on this journey was the feeling of neediness that seemed to overcome me. Being needy was not something i ever considered a good thing, i was in control, in charge of my life, there was no room for such feelings. I did not know how to deal with those feelings, and tried very hard to ignore them, banish them, pretend they were not a part of me.

Master has helped me to understand that needing Him is a natural feeling. Nothing to be ashamed of, not a sign of weakness, just a part of "me". Asking for what i need, is hard for me. Master keeps telling me, just ask...yeah just. I don't know, maybe a part of me still feels like it is a weakness.

I started this week in a "funk". It was a tough weekend, dealing with family matters, and a few other concerns. I gained 1/2 pound yesterday, which Master was ok put me right at my goal. I knew yesterday that i "needed" to see Master, but decided not to mention it. He has a full plate, and i just did not feel right asking.

Today, i knew i was on shaky gound. The first thing i thought of this morning, was i need maintenance. When i let Master know of my plans for the morning, i did not mention it. I called after i had been out to breakfast with friends, left a message saying i would try calling later. I did, and this time did not leave a message.

Master called me back and after some chatting, i mentioned that "m' word. He said, we could stick to Wednesdays, and i was silent. Or, He continued, we could meet today. Today would be good i quickly said, thinking i wonder if He was reading my mind again?

After the usual kneeling time, Master decided to change things a little. Maintenance has been over His knee with a small paddle for quite a while now. As i was waitng for Him to sit, so i could climb over His knee, He told me to bare my bottom and lean over the back of the sofa. I groaned, He smiled. One of my least favorite, and hardest to stay in positions. When i had walked in i had seen a piece of wooden molding by the sofa, so i moved it and put my coat over it.....just in case.

Master is looking for something, as i am getting ready. He asks if i saw a piece of molding, and did i move it. I sort of just give Him a smile. He leaves and quickly returns with a larger and much heavier piece of wood. Your choice He says, i quickly remember where that piece of molding "disappeared" to.

He gives me a hard whack with it, and it HURT. After the second one i start to stand, He reminds me to stay in place, i reply it really hurts. After the next one He says i am only going to give you 12. Knowing how many usually helps me to get through them. This time, i say, no way, not 12, they hurt. Master's reply is you don't like 12, ok we will go for 18, as He whacks me again. I quickly am telling Him how much i love the idea of 12, and please can the number be 12? Luckily, He agrees.

My ouching gets louder. Master remarks that maybe it is because there was no warm up. Hearing that, i have several answers swirling in my head, but i remember i am over the sofa, and He is holding wood, so i choose to stay quiet...a hard learned lesson.

Finally, He is done...and He tells me to stay in place while, He starts to get me to relax, before He gets me avey "unrelaxed", and asking for permissions. When we are done, He has us move to the sofa, where He tells me to lay across His lap and He will rub the sting away. It is relaxing, and comforting, and soon those darn tears are showing up. We talk about them a bit, and Master ecnourages me to talk about what i have been struggling with. I am not ready to do that, so Master starts talking about when We first met, and thanks me fo agreeing to meet Him....He so knows how to make me feel better.

Now i am going to let in on my big DUH moment...hopefully for a long time! I get out to my car, am clicking my keys and my car is not unlocking. My "unlock" button has been erratic, lately , but i have always been able to get it to work. I cannot get the door unlocked, not matter h ow fast or hard i click the thing. I go back to ask Master for help, He is on the phone so i go outside to continue clicking. Master comes out, and the clicking is not working for Him either. He looks at me with a big grin as i am getting upset, and takes th key and puts it in the key hole and unlocks the darn door....Oh "&*^%" i am thinking, how come i did not think of that! Using the key...who would have thunk?? Master thought it was hilarious, i ...well i was more than a little embarrassed.

abby, who will never forget about using the key again!

Friday, March 18, 2011

Reached my goal!!!!

Hurrah for me...when i weighed in this morning i was able to report to Master a loss...and i had (finally) reached my goal! I have lost 60 pounds, it has taken forever, but I DID IT!!!

I knew i had a good week this week. I was focused on all the right things, i stayed calmed, no voices egging me on, and just feeling good about "me".

I have more to lose, but i am going to try and maintain for a bit. I say try, but Master was strong in pointing out this afternoon, that He does not allow going backwards (gaining), if i want some wriggle room, i need to build some in. Also in the past, i have not done well with maintaining, i have a different mindset, and think, oh i can have a little ice cream, fast food, just once a week won't hurt.....etc...etc. So, wish me luck!

When i saw Master this afternoon, He was as pleased as i was. I have asked before to cut back to 1 weigh in a week, and always have been denied. So today i thought i would not ask, i would just just say, now i can return to 1 weigh in a week.....denied again! He said everything stays the same, when you are successful, you stay with the same things. So much for that bubble.

As always, we started with kneeling time. He was standing behind me and reached over to "maul" my breast. I flinched and groaned, He claimed i would miss it if He did not entertain "the girls". I doubt i am the one who would be missing it. Then it was over His lap for a quick spanking. I was very surprised when He told me to stand.

He then told me to sit on Him, facing forward. I hesitated trying to figure out what he was thinking, when He told me to SIT. He then had me spread my legs as far apart as i can. He reaches around me and starts at my breast and works His way down. He tells me to lean back and relax. I manage to lean back into Him, but relaxing when Master's fingers are working their magic? I was soon asking...begging ...for permission, which Master quickly grants, and then another.

Then i am truly relaxing, leaning back on Master feeling like we are totally connected. Master had surprised me with something new, and although i was hesistant at first, i loved the feeling of it. Maybe part of it is that i never considered myself small enough to sit on someone's lap and fit.

A good week, ending with a great Friday. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

"Repercussion" ??

On Monday while i was over Master's lap, we had this discussion. He had used the word repercussion to mean a good result or consequence. I qestioned that and said i thought it only meant a bad outcome. We debated a bit, i said i would look it up and let Him know He was wrong...pretty brave in that position! Well, i looked it up in several places, and............
Master was right...go figure! It is merely a consequence of actions, altho most of the time the connotation is negative.

Also, after Master read my blog on Monday, i was informed that He used a cedar shake, not plank on my bottom. He said there is a big difference in size and He is not a brute!

Today was Maintenance day. After my kneeling time, we sat and talked over a coupe family issues i have coming up that will cause me to be away, and the worries that they entail. Then it was over His lap, my bottom was still tender from Monday, it did not take long before i was squirming and ouching. Master was using the compact, but thick wooden brush. Happily the spanking was short, and Master was soon soothing and rubbing, and "checking". It still amazed me how quickly He can get me from 0 to full speed ahead! After a couple permissions, He took pity on me and let me breathe and come back to calmness.

I told Master today, i don't tell Him enough, how thankful i am that He is in my life. When we met, i was hoping to find someone who might be willing to spank me once. I never thought He would take me on this magical, wonderful journey! He always says it is a 2 sided coin, and He is as lucky, i guess that makes us both lucky!


Monday, March 14, 2011

Mondays report...

Last Friday i reported a 1 pound loss, only 1/2 pound away from my goal. Master was as pleased as i was, and said He would see me later that day. I was sort of surprised since i had just had my maintenance spanking the day before. Later that day i got a call from a good friend i had not seen in a while, saying she had the "KACHIING" itch. Our code work for Casino time! One of my few (?) vices...gong to a casino. I have not been in months, and i was free, except for Master. So i text Him, and He said come right over and then you may go. It was a quick visit, He wanted to be sure i stayed focused over the weekend, and there was a quick hand spanking. He asked about my limit for losing, i hemmed and hawed...i hate having a pre arranged limit. But we agreed on a number, and i went to meet my friend. Yes i did lose to my limit, but we had a great time, and it was wonderful to see my friend again. Master text me early Saturday morning, to see if i was treating for luck!

Today my weigh in was plus 1/2. I figured it was only 1/2 pound and over the weekend so no problem. I text Master, adding i will be extra good this week. His will be sore this week. When i read His reply i immediately got pouty, it was the weekend, and only !/2 pound, He is being mean. I sort of spouted to myself all morning, and when we talked, He just said, it was not what He expects and He would see me this afternoon.

Going into a spanking, especially a possible punishment one, with resentment and attitude is not a good thing. It has happened, and it just prolongs the spanking, until i let it all go. So i kept telling myself, let it go, He is in charge, you know He gives very little wriggle room, and it is because of Him that you are close to having lost 60 pounds!

When i got to Master, i was not pouting, but i was quiet. He asked several times what was wrong, i kept saying nothing. You are too quiet, quiet is not good, He said. I finally said i was upset that i had dissapointed Him. After some kneeling time, i was over His lap. We were chatting, discussing the meaning of a word that we disagreed on. I said i would look it up and let Him know i was right. He chuckled, and soon i was laughing and smiling, as He said, you were pretty determined not to laugh or smile when you walked in here. He was right, He had succeeded in dispelling most of my "bad mood". He also told me this was not punishment, He was not upset with me, maybe He just wanted an excuse to spank me. I looked at Him...You need an excuse?

He kindly started with a hand warm-up, and slowly peeled off my layers of clothing. He had a cedar plank that He was going to use. (I did not know what it was until i asked Master). It was thin and light, but very stingy. After a few sets, Master asked how long it took me to lose my limit. He then gave me a fast volley on one cheek. When He was done i said, that was 1/2 my limit right? He said Yup, and the other cheek gets the last half. They were fast, take your breath away swats.

I assumed he was finished. When i started to move, He informed me He was not done, my cheeks were barely pink. I guess i will start having to put make up on all my cheeks! He pulled me in close to Him, and finished with a long hard flurry. That cedar plank went into the recycle bin, but i would not mind feeling it again...much nicer than most of Master's wood toys.

On the way out, Master said, You were right. I don't need a reason to spank you, just an itchy palm.

I felt much better when i got home, you have to love someone who can make you smile and laugh, when you think that is the last thing you want to do.


Thursday, March 10, 2011

I give you enough rope to......

Master will occasionally say to me, i give you enough rope and watch. He says this when i have been pushing the rules a bit, when i start to think i have control or can make certain decisions on my own, or when i am just being a "little" pushy. Doesn't sound like me at all, does it? It used to be, that the outcome of all that rope, was not a hanging, but a very unhappy Master, which of course translates into an unhappy me. This time, i realized what was happening in time to prevent "the hanging".

For some reason i have not had a good week. The worse part was i could not figure out why i was feeling unconnected or out of sorts, just not right. Things have been going well with Master, last Friday was awesome, i just could not figure it out. Maybe some kind of "sub drop", maybe worry over my daughter's pregnancy, maybe just me being crazy.

Today was Thursday and i had not brought up the word "maintenance" yet this week. It is one of my tasks that i am to check our schedules, and make it happen. I kept waiting, hoping i would magically get rid of my uneasy feelings, trying to find a way to deal with them myself. No, i did not mention them to Master. This morning i knew my week was running out, and i was not being successful in "fixing myself". So, i asked Master about maintenance and mentioned my feelings. He said He would see me during His lunch time.

After our hugs, Master started by saying, you know I was giving you enough rope.....I know i said, i just felt i should not be feeling the way i was. He reminds me that feelings are feelings, not right or wrong, they are my feelings. I told Him i was trying to deal with them myself, He gave me a look, and asked how well that was working for me.

Then it was over His knee, starting with a hand spanking, over clothing, progressing to a paddle on my bare bottom. This was a different paddle, smaller, but much heavier, lots more thud. He started slowly and built up in tempo and force. I was trying very hard to stay still, not kick up my legs, not try to get away, to keep breathing, and stay in place. Master even commented on the fact that i was trying very hard to be good. Then , He is stretching my skin, reaching for that spot between my bottom and my thighs, that tender spot, that reminds me, much later that i have been spanked. He slows down the pace, way slow, but increases the force, and i get 10 on each side. By the end, i am ouching out loud, but staying in place. Master finishes by reminding me He is here for me, and not to wait so long again to ask for His help....or to schedule my maintenance.

Then His fingers are roaming, and i am soon moaning. He is talking to me, and i am responding, but to be honest i cannot recall the conversation. I finally hear Him tell me to cum for Him, and i do...again and again. I say, no more...and He chuckles and continues, til He has found few more for me. I am laying spent over His lap, relaxed, at ease, submissive, calm, and thankful.

He then tells me to kneel between His legs. He reaches for my breasts, can't leave these out...i groan, but know He will do as He wishes. Finally He tells me to put my head on His chest, i reach my arms out to hug Him and He tells me to put them behind me. I am to fall into Him, giving up control. The lesson is not loss on me. After a bit, i get to hug Him, we chat a little, and Master has to return to work.

I spend my afternoon shopping, relaxed, knowing that i am not in control, that "me" is back, and i am thankful.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Monday's report on Tuesday

Good morning all! I am soooooo ready for spring, please NO MORE snow!!!!

I was a little worried about my weigh in yesterday. One of my granddaughters sent me chocolate covered chocolate chip cookies, my sister sent me chocolate covered fruit, and my daughter made me a chocolate mocha cake, served with coffee chocolate chunk ice cream! Most of it is still here, I am bringing the cookies to my book club today!

I was very excited to be able to report to Master that i had stayed the same. Hopefully i can manage to continue to resist the temptation, or figure someway to get the rest of it out of the house. I love the chocolate covered orange slices, so i am allowing myself 2 of those a day.

Have a good week, everyone!

Friday, March 4, 2011

A leatherlicious birthday!

Today is my birthday. I know what you are all wondering....and i will only admit to...over 50! I had a great day, the first thing i saw when i woke up was a birthday message from Master. My almost 3 year old grand daughter sang her greeting to me, and the 18 month old put together Happy birthday Grandma....that must have taken a lot of coaching. I heard from friends and my mom and sister, and my daughter took me out to dinner.

The best part of today was this afternoon. I have been spanked more this past year than any other. Many of them are fairly quick events, and it has been a while since Master and i both had the time to just take an afternoon and play, snuggle, and enjoy each other. Master text me this morning to say this afternoon was our time.

Master has a lovely set of wrist and ankle cuffs...leather on the outside, and a soft wooly lining! As soon as He puts them on me, my whole head space screams submissive. He put them on me this afternoon, as i was kneeling for Him. After He had reclaimed all of me....paying special attention to my breasts, it was play time! First order of business is an OTK hand birthday spanking. I get as many as my age..and one to grow on. That will be the standard for every "toy" that He uses today.

I get on the bed, on my tummy, arms and legs spread wide, the way Master positions them. He starts me off with a wonderful massage, rubbing and kneading and pushing every single knot and all the tension out. He has such wonderful hands, that are very talented! Master starts the session with the large leather flogger. My absolute favorite spanking toy!
He drags the leather strips up and down my legs, back, arms, all of me. It is the best feeling. Then, He uses the flogger on my back, one stroke for each year of life. The strokes are medium strength, and i am so turning to jello.

Then i feel the sting of Master's single tail whip. He claims to like all of His toys equally, but i think this is His favorite. It is leather, but definately leather with a big sting to it. It always takes me by surpise, and wakens all my senses. My back feels like it is very hot and stingy when He finishes, and He takes the time to rub out some of the sting.

I am actually a little fuzzy as to what comes next. I think it was a paddle that warmed up my bottom to match my back. Then it is the crop, it reaches many places, and i love the feel of it. Then Master says...sunny side up...time for me to roll over on my back. I always hesitate. Being on my tummy allows me to feel somewhat hidden, i guess, on my back, i feel much more open and vulnerable. I have learned to take a deep breath and turn over.

The flogger and the whip are repeated, i find it more difficult to relax, and keep reminding myself to breathe. When He is done Master uses His hand to pull, tug, and pinch my breast. I start to move my hands, but He reminds me to stay in position. After each of the toys, He "checks" to see if i am enjoying myself, after each check He chuckles and says "yup".
He also uses His hand to spank my pussy, which i know i react positively to.

Back on my back, and the flogger makes another appearance, this time Master uses it with much more force. Then Master is sitting on the bed, next to me, using the cane close up. I ouch a little and He says its my fault for having so many birthdays! The large leather strop is next, i think, and i am once again melting at the feel of the leather.

Back on my back, Master's fingers are roaming and teasing. He decides to fill me with His hand, a mixture of pain , then pleasure. He is patient and consistent, and i do my best to stay relaxed. I feel Him filling me, owning me, being a part of me. I hear Him telling me to cum for Him, and i obey, not sure how many times. He withdraws his hand and stimulates me with His fingers, making me cum until the tears are falling, and i am once again crying. The walls have fallen, the layers stripped away, and he is there to reassure me.

He crawls in to me, telling me to find my "safe" place....burried into his furry, fuzzsy chest, i go to Him and nuzzle into His chest, and we both just relax and enjoy being in the moment. Eventually we chat about our time together. I tell Him, He has taken me to places i never thought i would get to, and some places i never even imagined. How lucky i am....and He reminds me, as He always does, that He is also lucky. I have worked hard to become open to Him, to not let the layers and walls that i built separate us, to destroy them, to let go and let Him in.

After some more quiet time, Master says it is time for my last spanking. He tells me to get up, hands on the bed, bottom up and out. I am puzzled, but i do. Then i feel the distinct coolness of a fairly large paddle. I don't say anything but get myself ready. He lands the first smack and it HURTS! I say a loud ouch, but stay in position. Then Master says, that was your one to grow on, we are done, as He is laughing. I am not sure if i should hug or hit Him, but the hug wins out.

It was a wonderful way to spend my birthday afternoon. Having more birthdays, is not necessarily all about getting older!


Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Wednesday's maintenance spanking

I went to Master early this afternoon for my weekly maintenance spanking.
I have come to regard maintenance as a glue that keeps our bond strong...and strengthens it when it starts to weaken. Yes, i get spanked, and Master believes maintenance needs to hurt to be effective, but we also get get a chance to talk things out, face to face, or sometimes bottom to face! It is a time of reconnection and of closeness.

As always, we start with me kneeling before Him as He claims my body. Lately He has been focusing on reclaiming my breast, which causes me to really focus on submitting. He pulls me into Him, so my face is smushed against His stomach, breathing in His scent. I am breathing deeply, becoming calm and focused.

Then it is over His knee, for the spanking part. He starts with His hand, for a short warm-up. Too soon, He is reaching for the bath brush. He starts off fairly slowly, but it quickly gets painful, more quickly than i expect. Maybe it is because i was just spanked on Monday. My legs start to kick up, and i get a warning that my thighs could be the target and i quiet my legs.
Master asks why we have maintenance, and i tell Him, to keep me on track, to remind me of my submissiveness, to keep from Him having to punish me.

The spanking is over fairly quickly, as Master's fingers start to roam. He likes to check to see if, at least part of me, is enjoying this. Of course He claims to find that evidence, and soon i am too busy asking for a permission to dispute that fact. After getting to the begging stage, i am granted a few permissions. We then quietly talk, as He rubs and massages and helps me to a safe "landing".

As i was sitting here earlier, thinking about this afternoon, all i could think of is how lucky i am. A Master who provides what i need, who takes care of me, who pushes me to be better, who has turned my life around, who has opened me to so many new ideas and sensations...
Thank You Master!