Monday, February 28, 2011

Mondays report

Master and i are finally both back in town. My week with my granddaughter was lots of fun. She is bright, funny, caring, and entertaining...no i am not a biased grandma! But i am happy to be back, to be "me" again.

I weighed in this morning....plus 1 and 1/2 pounds. I was not surprised, but i hated to report to Master. For a second i thought...He would never know if.....but that was really not an option. So i gave Him my report, and He replied..we won't let this ruin your homecoming. I smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.

This afternoon we started off with hugs and some catching up talk. Master then went to get some "toys" and told me to kneel. So i did. He walked back in , looked at me, and said, "You are not naked?" I looked up and said i did not hear that...i really had not. I quickly got up, got naked and knelt back down. Master was re-claiming all of me, rubbing and massaging all of me, and i was slowly breathing Him in, relaxing, finding "me", and feeling like i had come back home. Then He starts in on my nipples. Stretching, pulling, tugging, smushing....pinching, and not letting go, reminding me to keep my hands behind me. I am starting to squirm, and He is pinching harder, finally he says, count to 5 loudly. I count loudly and very quickly. He looks and says too fast..and does not let go.... so i start again, just as loud, but much more slowly. He finally lets go of the nipples, and has me get up.

I go over His knee, for a wonderful long hand spanking. I am really back, it has been too long. Master's hand is all over my bottom, the spanks are quick and hard. His hand travels to my thighs, those spanks are not as hard, but are a reminder that He will spank me there, and i will feel it more.

His fingers then start to roam, to see if i am "enjoying" my spanking...and yes, of course i am. It takes less than 2 mimutes for Him to get me groaning and squirming, He is reminding me i need permission, and i still have the rest of my spanking to go before i get a permission.

He withdraws his fingers, and reaches for the bath brush. I tense a little, and He uses the bristle side all over. I instantly relax again. He says that this is not a Punishment, but a reminder that He is not pleased with the fact that i gained. He is fairly lightly spanking me, and He asks how far i am from my goal. I tell Him 2 and 1/2 pounds. He starts another round with the brush, this one harder and longer. When He is done He asks if i was expecting a basement trip, i honestly say no. I was expecting some type of punishment, but not all punishment. He says that round was for 1 pound, now for the second pound. I say i had only gained 1 1/2, He says but i am 2 1/2 away from my goal. This round is equally hard and long. Then a little more rubbing with the bristle side, til He starts in again for payment for the last 1/2 pound. This round is much harder, and i am ouching loudly by the end. Finally...it is the end.

Master's fingers are quickly picking up where they left off. I am still amazed at how quickly he can get me from 0 to full speed and asking for permissions. After my second permission, He reminds me that i am not using my manners and should be saying please and thank you...i can hardly breathe, but i manage to be polite. After my third permission, Master says to save one for tonight. I lay over His lap for a while, he is gently rubbing my bottom and i am coming back to earth, and so relaxed.

We end with more kneeling time, this time with my head on Master's lap, while we chat. He reminds me to start up my daily reports, and that i need to ask for permission before making plans to go away and be specific about how long and where i will be, and that 2 weeks is too long. It is too long, and hopefully those long trips will be at a minimum this year.
Master then says that He wants to schedul maintenance for Wednesday, since He wants to save Friday. (Friday is my birthday!)

I am back where i belong, i am breathing freely, my "voices" have been banished, my Master has worked His magic...Thank You Master!

abby

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

a "grandma" report

There was no Monday report this week, since there was no weigh in.
I am in NJ babysitting...um..playing with my almost 3 year old granddaughter.

On Sunday we went in to NYC, had lunch at a family style Italian restaurant...it was fabulous! We saw "Billy elliot"...fabulous again. It was a delightful adult day!

My granddaughter and i have been spending our days completing craft projects, playing games, being silly and baking. She loves the cooking part, has me read the recipes, and calls herself my assissitant chef. Today we made snaky hot dogs for lunch,,,a real hit. Then for an afternoon snack frozen chocolate sprinkled bananas...she was in charge of the sprinkles...only took me about an hour to clean her and the kitchen! But she could not wait to tell mom and dad about her day with grandma!

Hope you are having 1/2 as much fun as i am this week...
abby

Friday, February 18, 2011

TGIF

It's been a draggy kind of week. When Master is away the days seem longer. I always start by telling myself i won't miss Him as much this time...and it seems i miss Him more.

On the bright said, giving the whoopie pies a new home was a great idea. I weighed in this morning and loss the pound and a half i had gained on Monday! So i am back to 1 pound away from my goal!

Problem is, i am leaveing early tomorrow morning (yes before Master returns), for NJ to spend some time with my almost 3...going on at least 12...year old grand daughter. She is one of those innately funny little ones, who constantly surprises you. She cannot wait to see what "grandma" has planned for our cooking time each day! (alphabet bread sticks, silly snake dogs, bunny pancakes, crackerpillars are a few of the goodies!)

On Sunday my daughter and son in law are taking me to NYC for lunch and a show...an early birthday gift! I love musicals, so i am really looking forward to it.

Be good all....well not necessarily good....lol
hugs, abby

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Rules and Expectations

There are lots of reasons i am glad i discovered blogs. One of them is how interesting it is to read how others structure their relationships. I know that each of us has to find our own way, and we have our unique way of exercising this power exchange. I often find myself thinking, wow, i could never ...or hmmm..maybe i should try hinting to Master. Since Master is away and i am a little bored, i thought i would share with all of you my rules and expectations, and how they came to be. I have been thinking about this all day, a little worried that i might forget one..or two...and Master would find a way to remind me...but here goes.

I have rules and expectations. Once in a while Master will say...don't make Me make that a rule. Early on, i would think what's the difference. The difference is a rule is more like enforced submission, an expectation is freely given. Broken rules mean punishment, unmet expectations bring about disappointment...for both of us.

My rules have developed over time. I am going to try to give them in chronological order.

1. Master gets an emailed report every night. This was a rule even before we started with D/s. He was helping me to exercise and lose weight for my daughter's wedding. My report was really simply a food journal that i mailed to Him, nightly. I still send Him that food journal, but i now add any news or parts of my day we have no discussed, how much time on the wii, if i have taken my meds, and what task i have done for Him. Not sending one occasionally is not a big deal, missing 2 in a row is a big deal. I also have to report my weigh-in. We started with once a week, it is now twice, Mondays and Fridays. I keep asking to go back to once, but looks like that will not happen.

2. When we moved to M/s the first rule was: no cumming without persmission. If i was on my own, or with Him. I have not been punished for breaking this rule in quite a while. I learned quickly that this was an important one for Him, always Punishable. I also quickly learned that saying "no thanks" when He text me to cum, was positively not a good idea!

3. "Queen of Sarcasm" was a nicknamed i earned in many circles. It was a good survival tool in my junior high classroom. Respect and NO sarcasm allowed was also one of my first rules. I will admit it took me a while to learn that saying some things just in your head is a great strategy. I still occasionally struggle with attitude, i don't view that as a matter of disrespect, Master disagrees.

4. I am to keep myself "clean shaven". Master shaved me the first time, i was so embarrassed, but it was also so sexy! I wish He would do it again. The only time that i run into a problem with this one is when i am away for over a week. I tend to let it go, recently Master has surprised me be starting to ask for pictures.

5. A rule that Master started about a year and a half ago is that i have to ask for permission before i drive any place. If i want to walk, i can go, otherwise, i ask. This rule started when i got into trouble for deciding that since i did not think that Master was interested, i did not need to continue with certain rules. He was not pleased, go figure! So this rule resulted, He explained we would be in touch more during the day, and i would be reminded that i am not in charge. It sounds more restrictive than it is, actually. I just about never get a no, and He is very good at quickly replying to my texts. Yes i have to ask even if i am away, or if i have company here.

An expectation was added to this rule, when Master thought i was taking advantage of a possible loop hole. I would ask for permission for as many places as i wanted to go to, and if i did not get to all of them, i figured i had permission for the next day...or whenever. Master noticed, so i now also text Him if i do not get to all the places i asked permission for. Also, no blanket....can i go run errands...i need to be specific. This rule/expectation really does remind me very day that i am not in charge.

6. An expectation is that i text Him a good night message every night. This started when i was struggling with something and Master would text me before bed, to sleep well or to "tuck me in". I liked ending my day that way, so it is now an expectation that i text Him before bed.

7. Master expects me to set up a time for maintenace spankings that occur once a week. Maintenance spankings started almost a year ago, when i emailed Master about feelings of "neediness" and my "voices". His answer was maintenance. To be honest, i was not sure how long it would last, but i should learn to not doubt. Every week that we are both in town, there is maintenance, even if there has been a punishment or reward or just some fun times. I am to set it up, as a way of getting better at asking for what i need. I am not sure that is happening, but setting up maintenance is getting easier for me.

I think i have covered everything....hmmm i hope so!

abby

Monday, February 14, 2011

Whoopie Pies!!!

Master is away this week, and although i miss Him already, I had a not so good weigh in this morning, so i have this week to make it up.

It is not really my fault. I am blaming it on the whoopie pies! For those of you not from New England or more specifically, Maine, whoopie pies, are related to devil dogs. They have nothing to do with making whoopie, althought they are almost as good! They are traditionally a soft, moist chocolate cookie cake top and bottom filled with a rich sweet vanilla buttercream frosting. (See why it is all their fault!)

My wonderful son and daughter in law in Boston sent me a package from Wicked Whooppie Pies for Valentine's day. Now i have never tasted a bakery or store bought whoopie pie that comes close to the home made ones. The home made ones are the kind of recipe that takes all afternoon, and dirties everyting in the kitchen...but soo worth it.

Anyway, i tasted one of the these Wicked ones...and OH MY...heavenly!!!
And, they had the traditional ones, some with a chocolate chip cookie, a double chocolate one, and a maple one....all to die for. The were also huge...like at least twice the size of the ones i would make. Seeing their size i decided i would only eat 1/2....at a time. And of course i had to taste each of the varieties...they were a gift! Did i mention that when i finally decided to check on the calorie count...800 per pie...that would be 400 for each half i enjoyed.

So this morning i packed up the rest of those tasty treats and sent them with my daughter to share with the family she nannies for...and to keep them there!

May you someday get to taste a "wicked whoopie pie"....amd may i be satisfied with just the memory for a long time to come!
abby

Thursday, February 10, 2011

i hate thinking up titles.....

Sorry, but i have been sitting here trying to think of some different way to say Maintenance day...and i give up.

When i spoke to Master this morning, i metioned that we still had to have a maintenance day this week. I am supposed to check schedules and make sure that maintenance happens....otherwise, maintenance becomes the dreaded P word. I was expecting Him to say Friday afternoon, which was great with me, since i am still sore from My Punishment spanking on Tuesday. Of course, what He said was, this afternoon.

After our greetings and chat, i casually said that You will have to take it easy,l i am still sore from Tuesday, He chuckled, and said, i guess you should not earn a punishment spanking then. As i looked, there it was, the bath brush. He did start off with His hand, which i was able to relax into and let go. When He switched to that %^%$# bath brush, it took only a very few strokes, before my bottom was on fire. It was not the hardest maintenance spanking i have ever had, but it did not need to be. He gave me 2 quick sets, of maybe 30 or 40 each...i always try to count and never manage to be able to.

Then it was play time...the heat on my bottom, being replaced with heat some place much more enjoyable! i even got a permission to take home with me. We also talked about the next 2 weeks, Master is gone for week one and i will be gone by the time He returns for the next week. He always reminds me...not matter where He is or i am....He is still my Master I am still His....His submissive...Only His...Totally His....sometimes 2 weeks seems like a very long time.

abby

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

scratch one New Year's resolution

My new year's resolution to submit more gracefully came to an end today. I am sitting with a very sore bottom, and shaking my head at my actions this afternoon. Attitude..i had it, stubborness...yes that too....submission...sadly, not so much.

When i text Master this morning about my plans for this afternoon, He told me He would let me know if i had permission, depending on what time He would be available. He knew i wanted to be some place at 3, by 2:30 i had not heard from Him, so i called and said i would be late and might not make it at all. He text me at 2:45 what i was doing? I replied waiting, but i was not happy...What did He think i was doing? Was He testing me? My already not so great mood, took a definate turn for the worse.

I walked in asking, not so nicely, if this afternoon was a test? Did He expect to find me gone? Would that have been OK? His raised eye brow and quick reply should have warned me. But sometimes , a girl is too far gone to heed a warning. He asked me what happened over the weekend that i gained 2 pounds. After a hesitation, i simply said i don't know.
He held the basement door open and pointed. I hesitated, til i heard a loud NOW.

Master is an expert scolder. He is loud, He has a lot to say, and He makes His point very clear. I was told to lean over and grab the seat of a wooden chair, and NOT to let my hands leave that seat or He would start over. He pulled me pants/panties down. The first swat took my breath away. He does not stop scolding, just because He is spanking. The spanking was slow, but extremely hard...He was using a large peice of wood. I move my feet, He reminds me to keep my hand on the seat...my loud reply was they are there! He stopped to remind me that gaining 2 pounds over a weekend meant i did not even try, i put all my eating rules on a shelf. He does not believe in going backwards, and will not let me go backwards. Finally He said 3 more, pulled down my pants more and said if i moved my hands or feet, they would be on my thighs. When He announces only 3 more, it is a relief, but with the knowledge that will be the hardest ones yet. I managed to stay in place.

He then went over and brought over a rubber strap. He annnounced that if He was not pleased with Friday's report, He would be using the rubber strap in the basement. He gave me one swat with it...WOW. Granted it was on a sore bottom, but i do not ever want to feel that being used on my bottom by an angry Master. I asked if we were done, He allowed me to get up. He reminded me i had not said i was sorry, i replied i had in an email. He said not in person, so i said sorry, and went up the stairs, muttering it was only 2 pounds.

He stayed in the basement, when i reached the top He said He obviously had not done a good enough job, i needed to come back down. I did not want to, and said so. He waited a minute or so. I was not moving. He started to count, and self preservation kicked in and i went back down to Him. He had me back over the seat of the chair, but did not spank, He rubbed and talked. I started to calm down a little. He had me get up and sit in His lap, and we chatted about my attitude and my behavior. I had calmed a little, and we ended with some kneeling time.

Once back upstairs Master said He expects extra effort the rest of the week, to make up for the lost weekend.

Since i have been home, i have been trying to figure out, where all that ungracious submission came from. I have a few ideas, no real answers, but the attitude is gone, replaced with embarrassment. One month...my resolution lasted one month. So i start again...Master my resolution for the rest of this year is to submit more gratiously, to submit because i want to, because it will please You, because it is good for me.

It has been months since my last visit to the basement....hopefully it will be longer than that for my next one.

abby

Monday, February 7, 2011

Monday's (sad) report

More snow, more freezing temps, maybe i can blame them for my report this morning?

For the first time in quite a while i had to report a significant gain this morning. Significant as in, 2 pounds just over the weekend. I only had to lose 1/2 to get back to my goal, and i guess i decided 1/2 pound, i don't even have to try. My daughter made homemade pizza on Sunday, it is DEELISH...had it for lunch and dinner, when to a friend's birthday dinner on Sat....you can imagine part of that menu. I don't wii on the weekends.
It all adds up to a 2 pound gain.

I delayed reporting, then decided to text instead of calling...i know it doesn't change anything, except i don't have to hear His disappointment, and then His resolve to make sure i don't let this happen again for a LONG time. I text that i was sorry and would do better....His reply..Oh you WILL!

He got tied up at work this afternoon, so we did not meet. It's kind of a good news/bad news situation. Good news..i get a short reprieve and He gets a chance to cool down a little. Bad news...He made sure i knew i was not off the hook, i hate waiting for a punishment, i just want it done, and it gives Him time to think about how to make me really regret my lapse.

I will let you know how it goes...if i can sit at my computer...

abby

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Brrrr....weekend thoughts

I have always lived in an area where the 4 seasons expressed themselves with all their glory, and loved it. Except the past few years i have been wishing that winter would last at the most, 2 months, and maybe just over the holidays. It is snowing here again, and according to the weather people, it won't get above freezing this coming week. ENOUGH i say! (i have about as much power over the weather gods, as i do over master, so settle in for more winter).

The scale was good to me on Friday, i lost 1 pound. Only 1/2 to go til i am back to my goal weight, porbably not my final goal, but my most recent one. Master expects that to happen tomorrow.

Master is away for the weekend, and whenever He or i are away i usually feel somewhat uneasy. This weekend has been different. I had a "welcome home" and my maintenance spankings last week, and we spent some time on Friday just being together, chatting, and having Him remind me that no matter where each of us are, I am His...all of me...His submissive. For some reason that time on Friday seems to have made a difference.

I have felt His presence all weekend. I have been calm, and sure, no "voices", and looking forward to His return. It's only a weekend, but this time the "apartness" has not caused my "voices" to attempt a return. Maybe i am finally turning a corner, becoming a little more confident, understanding better what Master is always telling me. I hope so, because this feeling is much better than what i usually put myself through.

We will see, after this coming week, Master is away for a week, and i leave before He returns for a week...yeah that's 2 weeks to test my new "resolve". Hopefully what i have felt this weekend, will carry me through those 2 weeks.

Stay cozy and warm, i am going to finish a great book i am reading.

hugs, abby

Thursday, February 3, 2011

why is it so hard to ask?

I have been really "out of sorts" for the past 3 days...for no reason, for a lot of reasons. Besides some aggravations at home, i miss my dad, i am sick of the cold and snow, the diet is suffering, and i have been feeling not so submissive. UGH! I have mostly kept up with my rules and expectations, but not graciously. When i have called Master and He could not answer (at work) i hung up instead of leaving messages. My wonderful little "voices" were starting to gleefully return. UGH! UGH!

After playing phone tag a bit today Master and i finally connected. He could tell, He can always tell, after a very few words that i was not in a good place. I knew He was waiting for me to ask for my maintenance spanking. So i mumbled something like...do You have time today or tomorrow, if not that's OK. Silence on His end....that's never good. Finally, He asked if that was me asking for maintenance, for what i need.
I asked again, with a Sir and a please, and we agreed on a time for this afternoon.

We started maintenance almost a year ago...why is it sometimes still so hard for me to say the words...to ask for what i know i need, for what makes me a better submissive, for what i had wondered about for a long time. Most of the time it has become easier, but other times like today, i almost choke on the words. Master is always receptive, and has made it clear that not asking is not acceptable.

So we met, hugged, spanked, "played", and talked. He had me repeat why We started maintenance....to keep me focused, to help avoid Punishment spankings, to keep Us connected...all good things!

Tonight i am calmer, more content, feeling more like His submissive. I am dreading my weigh in tomorrow, i had been told i had a week to lose 11/2 pounds....by this Monday. That leaves the weekend, and i don't think i made much progress this week. Wish me luck... and a scale that likes me!

abby