Sunday, January 2, 2011

obedience/submission

I gave up on making New Year's resollution years ago. It was too discouraging and left me feeling bad. Now I think more in terms of goals, only with Master a voiced goal is more solid than a resolution. On New Year's eve i sent Master a long note looking back on this wonderful year, and what i hope for in the coming year. I listed a few goals, mostly having to do with being more open and letting go.
This morning a blog i was reading mentioned the difference between obedience and submission. I have been thinking about those two words all day.
Obedience is of course a part of submission, but submission, to me, goes deeper than obedience.
I feel i am usually obedient. But, not always in a submissive way. I am e xpected to send Master an email every night. It started out as a food diary, but now includes other items as well as details aboout my day that He does not already know about. I do send the report every night, but not always submissively. When i am feeling "uneasy" or my "voices" have been hounding me, or i am just doubting myself, the report reflects that. I might omit the heading He prefers, i omit to mention what happened during my day, i just send a food diary nothing else. Obedient, but not submissive.
I am also supposed to do a daily task for Master. It is my choice, and can last only a couple minutes. Usually i do some kneeling time, sometimes a no panty day, sometimes i find something He would enjoy and email it to Him. Occasionally, when i am having an off day, my task is to lie in bed thinking of Him...not all that submissive.
I guess i am following the intent, but not the spirit of the law...or rule. There are other examples also. So, my new and only goal for this year, is to be more submissive, not just obedient. It is my submission He seeks, not just my obedience....
abby

2 comments:

  1. Hi abby, I had to think a lot about what submission meant to me when I realized I was genuinely better as a deeply submissive partner. Some of it came naturally but a good chunk of it was definitely a struggle. Best of luck in finding your way.

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  2. Nice to meet you....Thanks for the good wishes, i really believe submission is the best route for me. abby

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