Monday, January 31, 2011

Monday's update

I got back here over the weekend, but i never feel like i am home...i am where i belong...until Master has welcomed me home. Luckily He makes that happen quickly. My weigh in report this morning was that i had gained 1 1/2 pounds. I was pleased with that, it has been 2 weeks, and last week was fast foods, goodies, restaurants and lots of temptations. I was pretty sure He would give me a "good girl", and ask when i would be back to the goal.

I was greeted with a long, tight hug, some catching up chat, asking how i really was,...i am OK, still processing that dad is gone. Kneeling time was like a long slow massage, taking in His scent, His touch, His voice, filling what had been depleted within me. When i was finally relaxed, He mentioned my report, i said pretty good, right? He said it was a gain, but eventually agreed considering the circumstances it was pretty good.

Our reconnection spanking was a long, slow build up, using His hand, slowly peeling off the layers of my clothing, the kind of spanking that makes one wonder why everyone doesn't do this and wishing it would last for hours. Eventually he moved on to His paddle turning up the heat on a well warmed bottom. I was on my way to floating, when He stopped and said, time to address the gain. i argued...a bit...He countered with...not a punishment, nothing harsh, but a definate reminder that gaining is never acceptable. He had to wait a bit to get my Yes Sir, but he was patient, and i have learned that delaying too much only adds to my eventual discomfort.
It was over quickly, and "we" decided that i would lost the 1 1/2 by next Monday.

Then it was play time. i was primed..it has been 2 weeks. It did not take me long to start moaning and requesting persmission to cum, and cum, and cum. Master chuckled and reminded me that i used to say enough after once, saying there was no way i could orgasm more than once. Some things, i am only too happy to be wrong about!

Surprisingly i found myself fighting my tears. It took me years to cry in front of Master, and now the tears seem to have a mind of their own. He encouraged me to let them go, but i held on...guess i still need some practice in letting go.

After some coming back to earth time, with lots of rubbing and quiet talk, i was back to kneeling. I asked if this counted as this week's maintenance. Since i did not ask or arrange for today, it does not. Master insists that i ask for my maintence spankings, since asking for what i need is difficult for me.

It was a wonderful welcome back!
abby

Saturday, January 29, 2011

dad......

Last week was a tough week. Babysitting was going fine...altho i had forgotten how much "stuff" you have to pack and lug when taking an 18 month old someplace. I had plans for Maya and i to drive to Maine on Friday (21st), when Boston got 12 inches of snow. They have a LOT of snow! So, i called and said we would travel on Saturday. Before i had a chance to leave Sat. morning, i got a call....dad had died early that morning in his sleep.

My dad was a man of few words, a wonderful sense of humor, a strong sense of duty, and a firm determination that family always came first. He had 10 older brothers and a younger sister. His dad left the family when he was 3, so his childhood was difficult. All of his brothers served in WWII, my dad lying about his age to enlist. He worked doubly hard to be sure his family had everything he never had.

He is no longer here, but he lives on. He taught all of his 10 grandchildren to play cribbage, til they were good enough to give him a challenge. When the great-grands came along, we knew the rocking chair would be rocking again, while he whistled all of the Big Band tunes. He left us all with lessons and gifts...and a wonderful legacy of love.

Love you more dad...
abby

Friday, January 21, 2011

Boston...."easy"

BRRRRR....When i am home i envy the mild Boston winters. This year, instead of the usual 15 inches of snow for this time of year, they are close to 50... with another storm headed here on Wednesday. To top it off, for the first time in years it should get below 0, by about 10 degress on Monday!!!! Hope the kids are enjoying Hawaii.

Babysitting is going well. She is an easy 18 month old to get along with. She is learning new words every day, which makes me love this age. We were supposed to head up to Maine today to visit my parents, but the 10 new inches of snow changed that plan. Hoping to get there tomorrow for a day or two.

The word "easy' has been running around my head lately. When i was a teenager to be an easy girl was NOT a good thing...i attended an all girl's private school...so positively not a good thing! But what about being an easy submissive? It would seem to be a good thing. Am i an easy submissive? I think i am easier than i used to be. Master was very patient and consistent when we first started this journey...not that He has changed. But i was so unsure of so many things, and found trust to be difficult to give. I once even asked Him, if He was sure i was a submissive. He was sure, and i am sure. I have learned to trust, and what it means when i say, You are my priority Sir, my aim is to please You...i am owned only and totally by my Master. So, i believe i am an easier submissve, although there are days Master would dispute that statement. Is being an "easy or easier" submissive less challenging, or more boring, making it a not such a good thing? I don't know.

Has my submission to Master becom easier? Yes, in some things. There are areas i am still struggling to let go in. But i do also know what it feels like to think...i would do anything He asked....and it is such an awesome feeling. Master once told me that when He saw my submission becoming too easy, it would be time to "raise the bar". I can understand that....being routine, leads to boring, and the specialness might diminish. I can also see where He gets a greater enjoyment seeing me struggle, and finally succeed. He has helped me attain goals i never thought possible.

My point in all this. I don't think i have one...just sharing some thoughts on a cold, snowy Boston night.

stay warm....abby

Monday, January 17, 2011

Monday's report

Hello all from Boston. I drove over yesterday, through some nasty weather, but needed sunglasses when i finally got to Massachusetts. My son and daughter in law leave for Hawaii, very early Wednesday morning...Maya and i get to be buddies....she is a great buddy!

I don't weigh in when i am not home. No wii, not the same scale...when i weigh in i need to have everything the same as it always is. Luckily Master allows me this indulgence. It makes my first weigh in when i return a surprise, and not always a good one.

For the past 6 months i have been away from home often. I have always taken time to visit my adult children, but throw in my dad's health, and grand children and lately it seems i am away at least 1 week a month.

I used to go away, and after a couple of days i would have completely forgotten that i have rules, or a weigh in awaiting me. I would slowly start to feel detached from being accountable to Someone, and my returns were almost always bumpy. I had a whole new mindset, and not a great submissive one.

Over time Master and i have worked that out. I use to think that Master looked forward to my going away, i would not be bugging Him, he could forget about me, more free time for Him. He never said that to me, i just convinced myself. We would not be in touch as much, i would slowly let go of my rituals and rules, and start to drive myself crazy.

Luckily Master does not give up easily. I now know that being away is a time for me to be more conscience of my rituals and rules. To keep Master in my head as well as in my heart. My first text to Him this morning was...knelt for You, could smell, feel, and hear You, Sir,. He said it was a good start.

Master always tells me to use all the tools in my tool box, and to use them as often as i need/want to. What He is telling me is...this is NOT the time to stop asking for permissions, to forget to do a daily task, to not keep in touch. I can call, text, email as often as i need. I now believe that He means it. He gets texts and pictures and calls and emails, as often as i need to be in touch with Him. I now know, that i am His submissive 24/7...no matter where i am. I know He will be waiting for me when i return. I know that it is up to me to make that reunion one we both enjoy!

I already miss You Master!

abby

Friday, January 14, 2011

no loss....but no gain

Monday i was only 1/2 pound away from my goal weight. I was sure i would be there when i weighed in today. I used the wii, i was fairly careful with what i ate....and, i did not lose the 1/2 pound...i did not gain...but that darn scale did not budge. When i texted Master, His reply was Hmmmmm..

On my way to see Master, i was not sure what to expect. A 'stay the same week' is usually cause for punishment..not a major one, but not a play time. But i am leaving for Boston this weekend, and will be gone about 2 weeks. I had told him that i tried, and He had agreed.

After some chatting, i was kneeling for Him. He decided to attack my nipples. I reacted and lifted my hands, but quickly recovered. I was reminded they are His, and He could make this more painful. I stayed in place and managed to breathe through the rest of His nipple play time. He then said i was to stay the same while away, He would not punish me for the stay the same week. I asked for a little wriggle room, but did not get it, and was reminded that it has been a while since we had a trip to the basement. Those are to be avoided if at all possible...no good or happy memories down there.

We sent time chatting and hugging and enjoying each others company. Master reminded me to use all the tools in my tool box..more about that in my next post. Then it was time to say good-bye. I miss Him all ready, but He will be waiting when i return. On the bright side, there is an 18 month old, with big plans for grandma!

abby

Thursday, January 13, 2011

maintenance...reminder

It is FREEZING here..and way too much snow. I want to go someplace warm!
Since that doesn't seem to be in my future, guess i will have to rely on Master to warm me up.

This afternoon was maintenace or "reminder" spanking day. Usually i have to ask, but we seem to be having a hard time connecting during the day. I got a text, "Come on over", did not hear my phone, was in the basement, but luckily i checked and read the message soon after it was sent. So i came on over.

Master was busy cutting some tile, He is doing a bathroom re-model. So He told me to get comfortable...translation...kneeling and naked. I did, but my mind was wandering. When Master walked in, He immediately told me to focus! Naked, kneeling time should have my focus totally on Him, even if He is not in the room with me.

He started to claim every part of me, remarking that i went a little short on the hair cut this morning. Might limit His "caveman" ways. Then it was over His lap. Maintenance is pretty much the same, i have to say why i am being spanked, and why we have weekly "reminders". He graciouly started with a nice hand warm-up, with some rubbing, before that hair brush paddle came out. He reminds me that i need to remember this for a while, so i know i need to prepare myself. Starting off slowly, He builds to a hard and fast series, My feet are kicking, but i am staying put, and concentrating on breathing. Soon i am ouching rather loudly, and after a harder set we are done.

Master is talking, rubbing, comforting, and checking to see if i am "wet", of course i am. I will never understand that connection, but it is there. Master soon has me on the verge of cumming, and being the nice "Guy" He is, tells me to cum before i can even get the words out. It is intense, and i find myself, not sobbing, but crying. Master comforts me, and brings me to a safe landing, assuring me that my emotions are good, that He is my safety net, that He is here for me. Finally i am back.

One of the things that i love about Master is the way He uses words. I taught english for a long time, and i know the importance of words. Master can make me laugh, breathe, regret, cum, think, bring me to tears, all with the way He uses words. It is not something i went looking for, but i am soo glad i found it, it is important to me.

Master asked about my weigh in tomorrow. I honestly told Him i had no idea. Using the wii, means i get weighed every day, but this week it has been a very inconsistent week. Lose, gain, lose, gain. He says, i would hate to have to punish you before you leave. ( I am off to Boston, for a babysitting stint). I say, i thought 2 spankings a week was our limit, He laughed and gave me "that" look. We shall see tomorrow.

abby

Monday, January 10, 2011

mmmmmmm.....sounds of contentment

I received a surprise message from Master this afternoon, i was to meet Him in an hour. We had not really connected all day, i had texted Him my weigh-in, He texted back, and i called at lunch, but did not even leave a message. So i was surprised, but sometimes surprises can be soo nice.

We hugged and chatted and i knelt for Him. Then it was over his knee for a nice hand warm up. He lightly tapped my thighs, just only as a tease. We were chatting about different things, and it was just nice and relaxed and special.
He then commented that since i had said that He seemed to be attached to His brush paddle, He decided to make this a leather day! I love leather, leather over wood and day! (hmm..maybe i can hint at a few more things here...)

Over the side of the sofa i went, and the large leather strap was in His hand. He started with a set of 20 that i struggled through. Not sure why, i was warmed up and it was leather, but the last few seemed to really hurt, and i was struggling to stay in place. He announced that was 20 out of 100, and i panicked. He started rubbing and soothing and talking quietly, saying i could do this, i needed to relax a little, and it was LEATHER. I took a deep breath, He changed sides and i sailed through the next 20. We made it to 80, but i did notice everytime he went to that first side, they definately did hurt more. I did complain, not that it changed His plan. The last 20 were 10 harder ones on each side. By the end, i could feel my wetness.

Master likes to "check" to see if my complaining was valid....He chuckled and said one part of me was certainly not complaining. Using His magical fingers He quickly brought me to the edge.....when he decided we should chat.
Sometimes i wonder what is He thinking, here i am trying to remember just to keep breathing, not to cum without permission, squirming, and He wants to chat! He claims this is when He as my complete attention, and i will agree more quickly. So we chatted about my diet and my upcoming babysitting trip to Boston, and i honestly don't remember what else. He certainly did not stop enjoying my "wetness". Finally i nicely asked if we could please stop with the chatting.....i needed a permission....and it was granted. I'm not sure how many orgasms i had, more that usual 2 or 3....i just could get enough.
I never thought that i would or could be so orgasmic.

When i came back to earth, Master had me lay my head in His lap, and was rubbing and kissing and helping me to a "safe landing". It was such an unexpected, wonderful, special time....one of those, i want to remember this forever times. Master said He wanted to make sure i came back from Boston as soon as possible....He ensured that. I always miss Him, of course, but i am already wishing i were back.

As i was getting dressed, Master said this was not maintenance. I looked at Him, and he continued, i had not asked for it, i am supposed to ask for maintenance. So, maintenance is on tap for later this week, for now i just want to enjoy the aftermath of this afternoon.

I was going to wait til tomorrow to post this, since i had blogged this morning. But Master thought 2 postings in one day were not too much.

Thank you Master...i have rarely felt as content, at peace, and cared for, as i do this evening.

abby

Monday update...

Good morning! I have been thinking I wanted to post more, but was not sure what to write about....except of course the obvious. I have decided to make it a goal to post a Monday Update...it might be boring, it might be very vanilla, but i know i love reading any updates for all of you. So this is my first Monday update.

I had a quiet weekend, snowy and cold! The best part was the delicious home-made pizza my daughter made on Saturday. I am not a big fan of pizza, but hers is soooo good..i had it for lunch and dinner.

I also had a great weigh in this morning. I say great because it was a nice surprise. I was a little apprehensive....pizza, and snuck in some ice cream on Sunday. I weigh in every Monday and Friday mornings. I use the wii, and wear my same PJ's and at around the same time, i leave nothing to chance. I am trying to convince Master that once a week would be nice, but so far He is not buying into it. The "diet gods" were good to me this morning.....down 1 pound. I am only 1/2 pound above where i was before the holidays! Hurrah for me! Although i have a feeling i better not tempt those gods this week.

My book club meets tomorrow, so i will be spending much of today reading.
What a great way to spend the day!

Have a good week all...try to stay warm.

abby

Friday, January 7, 2011

brrrrrrr....

I hope everyone is staying nice and cozy and warm. It is way too cold here in Western NY, with more snow on the way. I love the four seasons, seeing the changes, but winter needs to be, at the most, 1 month long!

Master decided i needed some "warming up" this afternoon...i could not have agreed more. Since i was really cold when i arrived, He said we could start with clothing on and slowly pull off the layers. That rarely happens, but it was nice. He was using the hairbrush paddle, He seems to be attached to it lately. Over jeans, i don't mind it at all. After a bit he started peeling off the layers, over a bare bottom that hairbrush paddle heats things up much more quickly.

Once Master decides my bottom is sufficiently warmed up, he moves on to other parts. I am soon panting and sweating and needing a permission....or two. When i finally caught my breath again, i was so cozy and warm and comfy...winter is not all that bad...lol. After some chatting we had to be on our way.....short and sweet and cozy.....and warmed up enough to face the cold once again.

abby

Monday, January 3, 2011

A good start to 2011

Master and i had a wonderfully delicious morning..a great way to start 2011!

Only it started out with a misstep. Master emailed me early this morning, to remind me to start on the wii and that i needed to report my weigh in. I read the text and did both. Later Master calls and asks if there is a problem...He has been waiting for me. I had not read the whole text...big OOPS! I quickly apologized and went to Him.

The oops was forgiven, but with a warning i should check my messages more carefully. We hugged and chatted, Master was pleased with my New Year's note and with my last blog post on obedience/submission. He pointed out how far i have come, places where i have definately improved recently, and how He looks forward to this year.

Then it was kneeling time where He claimed all parts of me, and i never even flinched..even with pinching and pulling of my so sensitive nipples. A wonderfully relaxing long hand spanking mixed in with lots of rubbing was next on the agenda. I was soo relaxed. Then Master said, "reach over and hand me to bath brush". Not words i enjoy hearing. Without hesitation, i reached over and gave it to Him. I could feel His smile as He commented, good job, very submissive, no hesitation.

He started off slowly, built slowly, and i was still somewhat relaxed.
Mater then asked if i wanted my first maintenance for the year, now or after my flogging. I opted for now, and He reminded me that i am to ask for maintenance. I did, and that darn bath brush was heating up my bottom with harder spanks. Master had me tell Him why we have maintenance...to keep me on track, to keep my "voices" quiet, to help to avoid a major punishment session. Then without warning a fast and hard flurry of spanks. I did manage to breathe through them and stay in place, but was very glad when they stopped.

FLOGGER time!! Master remarked that we ended the year with a flogging and are starting the new year with one...that is one tradition i intend on keeping. The feel of that leather all over my back and bottom, the THUDS, the dragging of the leather strips up and down my body, between my legs, the harder landings that seem to push out any stress that might still be lingering....have i mentioned that i love Master's flogger! Master ended with 20 much harder ones, my back and bottom were nice and warm and tingly.

Master then tells me to get my bottom high over the back of the couch. I hate that position, and always wait to be told at least twice, but i took a deep breath and walked over and got into position. Master reminded me to keep my legs open, and i complied. Master had a large strap in His hands. I managed to stay in position during the strapping even the last 20 much harder ones. Yes, i did have those elusive tears in my eyes, but there was no sobbing.

When i get up there is a big hug waiting for me, with lots of praise.
Master then has me get back in kneeling position where He reaches in and brings me to the brink of orgasm. He reminds me to stay in position, as He continues, and has me asking for permission to cum. It is granted, and i am soon lost in all the sensations, as i cum for my Master. Master immediately pulls me between His legs and is rubbing and cuddling and bringing me back to earth. Master is speaking softly to me, telling me how proud He is that i stayed in postion and kept myself open to Him, how much my submission pleases Him.

I then asked for permission for an errand i wanted to run, took a deep breath and asked for permission to go to Boston to do some babysitting in a couple of weeks. Asking for permission for my trips to see family is something i have been avoiding. Not because Master would ever just randomly say no...He knows how important they are to me, and is always generous with any permissions....but it was just something i did not want to let go of. Asking for permission always opens the door to a no. Master asked if i had already said yes, i honestly said that i had said i probably could. He did give me permission, and said next time i have to check would be a better answer. This was a big step for me, a step in submission and trust. After more hugs, i was off to run my errand.

A wonderful way to start the new year, with hopes of many more wonderful times to come. Thank you Master for leaving me feeling submissive, safe, cared for, and satisfied. My submission to You is the road to being "me", to a special place and feelings i never imagined possible.

abby

Sunday, January 2, 2011

obedience/submission

I gave up on making New Year's resollution years ago. It was too discouraging and left me feeling bad. Now I think more in terms of goals, only with Master a voiced goal is more solid than a resolution. On New Year's eve i sent Master a long note looking back on this wonderful year, and what i hope for in the coming year. I listed a few goals, mostly having to do with being more open and letting go.
This morning a blog i was reading mentioned the difference between obedience and submission. I have been thinking about those two words all day.
Obedience is of course a part of submission, but submission, to me, goes deeper than obedience.
I feel i am usually obedient. But, not always in a submissive way. I am e xpected to send Master an email every night. It started out as a food diary, but now includes other items as well as details aboout my day that He does not already know about. I do send the report every night, but not always submissively. When i am feeling "uneasy" or my "voices" have been hounding me, or i am just doubting myself, the report reflects that. I might omit the heading He prefers, i omit to mention what happened during my day, i just send a food diary nothing else. Obedient, but not submissive.
I am also supposed to do a daily task for Master. It is my choice, and can last only a couple minutes. Usually i do some kneeling time, sometimes a no panty day, sometimes i find something He would enjoy and email it to Him. Occasionally, when i am having an off day, my task is to lie in bed thinking of Him...not all that submissive.
I guess i am following the intent, but not the spirit of the law...or rule. There are other examples also. So, my new and only goal for this year, is to be more submissive, not just obedient. It is my submission He seeks, not just my obedience....
abby