Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year

Christmas was wonderful...with a 2 1/2 and a 16 month could it not be! We did get snowed in and did not make it to Maine as planned, but did get there for a mini celebation later in the week. Dad was even having a good day, and enjoyed time with his great grand daughter.

Happy New Year to all of you. Thank you for making me feel welcomed to the blogging world this year! I get very excited when i get to read comments, and meet new bloggers. May you all find some hope, joy and peace in the coming year!

hugs abby

Thursday, December 23, 2010

there's been a dusting!

Master and i had a special, lovely morning.

After we greeted each other, and chatted a bit, i noticed that all of my favorite "toys" were layed out....just waiting. Leather flogger, horse hair flogger, crop, whip (more Master's favorite than mine), leather and more leather!!

After some kneeling and focusing time, it was over His knee for a hand warm up. My bottom is still tender from Wednesday's session, but with rubbing and massaging, it was wonderful. Then on my tummy, for a wonderfully relaxing body massage..Master has such magical hands. Horse hair flogger came first. It is one of Master's newest toys, and i love it! It is stingy, in a very good way...and when He drags it over parts of my body, i turn to jello! It also is small enough to reach all over...every nook and cranny! More rubbing, then the leather flogger, starts off lightly and increases in intensity. I can feel whatever tension is still in my body being pushed out, and can breathe deeply and freely again.

After more rubbing i feel the deep sting of the whip. It has taken me a while to get used to the sensation of Master's whip. After the sting comes a burning sensation which i have learned to breathe through. The cool feel of Master's hands rubbing the sting and burn away is heavenly. Finally the crop, which He uses all over, up my legs, arms, bottom back, going quickly , slowly, keeping me guessing and alert to any possibility. More rubbing, and a "check" to see how much i am enjoying my Christmas matter how much i may protest, one part of me always gives me away...i am getting very "wet".

"Time for me to give the same treatment to the front side...over you go."
I always dread those words, even after all this time, rolling over seems like opening myself up, no hiding, and it is not my best side. But over i go, hands behing my head and take a deep breath. The same toys are used on my front, the horse hair and leaather flogger, being the only ones i would ever request. My hands start to move, when He is targeting my breast, they have always been very sensitive, but i am reminded to put them back. Master does not spend as much time on my front, thankfully.

Master starts in again with the massaging and rubbing, working His way down to check my wetness. I am more than ready, and am soon moaning and arching, wanting more and trying to remember to breathe. I hear Master's voice telling me to cum for Him, as He is bringing me to the edge. I do cum, more than once, and then one very explosive orgasm.

Then, something very surprising happens. I start to sob, not just a few tears, but i am sobbing. I have had some pretty hard paddlings, and had tears in my eyes, but in all the time i have been with Master...i have never just let go and really sobbed. If i could have stopped myself i would have, but there was no stopping me. Master immediately tucked me into my "safe" spot, inside His furry chest and held me tightly, and was comforting me with words, although i have no recall of what He was saying.

When i finally stopped crying, i apologized and He wanted to know for what...Master has often encouraged me to cry during a hard seesion, or when i was stressed, crying is just not my style. I cry when i am alone, but not usually in front of people. Master said those were wonderful cries of joy and release, and letting go, and He welcomed them.

I have been thinking the last few days that one of my goals for next year would be to be more open with Master, to try and tear down more of those walls. It seems i have started early. I told Master this afternoon, i have never felt so submissive and owned and secure....a great way to go into Christmas celebrations and the new year!

I am leaving tomorrow to celebrate with my children and granddaughters, and on Monday with mom, my brothers, sister and nieces and nephews....we all plan on spending time with dad also. I wish you all a holiday that is what you wish for, that creates wonderful memories, and leaves you with some of the magic of the season!

hugs, abby

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Christmas meme

I have never completed one of these....Thanks PK!

1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Positively hot chocolate..with whipped creme sprinkled with peppermint!

2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
HMMM..I think that is the elves job.

3.Colored lights on tree/house or white?
colored..more the better

4.Do you hang mistletoe?

5.When do you put your decorations up?
a long standing family tradition is...1 decoration goes up each day in December....only we start sooner..too many.

6.What is your favorite holiday dish?
Hard to choose...probably pork pie..another family tradition...a great breakfast on Christmas morning!

7.Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
wow..maybe finally being old enough to go to midnight mass...and hear all the choirs...

8.When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
Truth about Santa?? I still believe!

9.Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Just one...usually everyone gets new PJ's.

10.How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
My tree is a 4 footer that has all frog decorations, a frog angel on top, frog tree skirt and frog lights!

11.Snow! Love it or Dread it?

12.Can you ice skate?
I used to.....grew up skating outside every Friday night! Even did a little speed skating.

13.Do you remember your favorite gift?
Seems like every year there is a new favorite...

14.What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Being with all my children and grand daughters, and seeing how everyone gets along and tries to get just the right gift for others.

15.What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
All of them...expecially if they have lots of chocolate.

16.What tops your tree?
An angel

17.Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Both...knowing that someone has tried to get you just the right thing..and watching to see the reactions to my choices.

18.What is your favorite Christmas Song?
‘What Child is This?’

19.Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?
Yum...but only the traditional peppermint ones.

20. Favorite Christmas Show?
A christmas a live show..

21.Saddest Christmas Song?
Hmm..maybe Blue Blue Christmas??

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

sore bottom, content heart

I went to bed last night knowing Master was very much not pleased...not the way to get a good night's sleep. I got a text message on my cel this morning (while i was in the shower), to get myself to Him NOW. It took me less than 10 minutes to get myself together.

He always has such a look of disappointment when he greets me for a punishment. We barely chatted, i was wondering what He had in mind. To my relief (short lived as it was), we were not headed for the basement. Basement punishments are the worse. I got to be over his lap, which at least offers a little comfort. He wanted to know what led up to the disastrous phone call. After i explained He reminded me that i go to Him for help with problems, but DO NOT take out my frustrations on Him, in tone or words. I, of course know this, and have been better at it, but those darn "little voices"....which Master intended to banish far away.

It was a no warm up, bare bottomed, hair brush paddling....hard from the start. It only took a quick round to get me squirming and kicking..not good things. At one point He warned me that he would get rope and tie my legs if they kicked high enough to touch His hand again, and that He would add to what i was already going to get. My bottom was on fire, but i did manage to just drum my feet, and not raise them into a kick.

It seemed like He had no intention of stopping. I was ouching and squirming and trying to "scoot" away. He finally said if i did not settle, He would change His target to my thighs...and as much as my bottom was hurting, i knew my thighs would hurt much worse. He was determined i would remember this spanking for a long, long was the hardest he has spanked me in a long while. Finally, after many sorries, and being close to tears, He stops and we chat a little. One of my answers, gets me 6 light taps on my thighs...enough to re-focus me. Finally He says i may get up.

Foolish me, i heaved a sigh of relief....Master then tells me to bend over the back of the sofa, bottom high up in the air. I HATE that position.
He looks at me and reminds me that having Him repeat a request is not a good idea. I get over the back of the sofa, and He is holding a cane. My bottom is so sore, just walking to get in position was no fun. I am over the sofa, feet still on the ground, when i hear the swish, and feel the sting, the burn, the stripe. I do move around a little during the first set, but do not get up. I am then told to get over feet off the ground, bottom way up. If i am good and stay in position, i will only get 12 more. I am not sure i can do it, but i also know, that my bottom is throbbing, and i don't want any more. I do manage to stay in place, and after another 12 He is finished. I am told to stay in place, while He looks at His "handi work".

"Debt paid" He says. We hug and chat a bit. I ask for permission to go to the mall to get one last gift. Yes, is His reply, but i am to walk the whole mall while i am there. He never misses an opportunity to get me to get some exercise in.

This afternoon, driving to the mall was extremely uncomfortable. My bottom is still very sore as i am sitting here...that is unusual for me. But, what i realized as i was walking around the sore as my bottom is...the rest of me is at peace. No long battles, no grudges, just contentment. I am not sure how or why that works for me, but i am very glad that i found someone who understands that it does, is consistent in words and deeds, and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep "me" where i am whole, happy and calm. Life is good....

Monday, December 20, 2010

flogger update

Don't get too excited folks, it's not what most of you are probably thinking. The flogger is still gathering dust, and will be for a while. Master and i had a tough morning...all my fault.

I am not sure i should publicly admit this, but i sometimes have conversations with the little voices in my head. They have been fairly quiet for a while now, but they returned last night. The problem is they are like the "devil on my shoulder"....always leading me trouble. I know this, and yet i still let them. Since we started maintenance spankings i have been pretty much able to hush and ignore them. They were not giving me good messages last nite, and i fell into an uneasy sleep and awoke this morning to find them still there. It's not an excuse for what followed, and i should know better, but i blew it.

Master and i were texting back and forth, about my plans for today and my plans for the upcoming holidays. I was getting a little impatient with His questions, i wanted to go and get things done, so i decided to call and see if we could have a conversation. He answered, but i immediately went into self-destruct mode. My tone of voice, my choice of words...all not was a short conversation, and not a good one. I called back a few minutes used to take me much longer to get to that point, and left a voice mail, but i had already, crossed a line. Pretty sure, no flogging in my near future.....

On a more upbeat side, i am just about ready for Christmas. I got off to a late start this year, and was worried about getting everything that i wanted done, but i should be done by this time tomorrow. It's a scaled back version, but all of the important elements are in place for our traditional family traditions to take place! My two grand-daughters are almost 3 and 1 1/2 so it will certainly be exciting to see it all through their beautiful eyes! My wish for all of you is to experience some magical memory making times during the next week!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

welcomed home

Thanks to a sinus infection, 43 inches of snow, ( last December, we had 10!), freezing temperatures, and a very long list of "things i have to do for Christmas", it took until today for Master and i to finally get together.

We had plans for Tuesday, but my daughter, who nannies 3 boys under the age of 4, called with "I NEED HELP"....the 2 year old twins had both decided to get the flu at the exact same time.

Yesterday, i forgot to carry my cel with me and missed 3 of His calls.
In my defense that has not happened in years....but it was a weak defense.

Finally, this afternoon I was properly welcomed back home...back to where i belong. Hugs with Master are not just a quick leaning in towards each other. They are hang on tight, big squeezes, burried in his "fur" events...see me smiling! Hugs were the first thing on our agenda. Then some catching up on news we had not fully discussed.

Kneeling time came first, a time for me to focus and block everything else out. A time when Master reclaims all parts of me. A time for me just to enjoy being "in the moment".

Then over His lap i went. I was counting on a welcome back combination good girl type of spanking. It started out that way. Using His hand for a long warm-up, altho occasionlly finding my thighs. Lots of rubbing and massaging, getting me sighing and relaxing.

"You do know you are in a little bit of trouble"? Hmmm...maybe was my cautious reply. Then the question that i hate...."Why are you in trouble"?
Now it's been over 2 weeks, and i have been pretty good, but an open ended question like that is always cause for concern. I tried to get Him to tell me why, but no dice. I knew He had been upset over the phone issue yesterday, but i was hoping He would overlook it. The phone?, i questioned.
BINGO..."I called 3 times with no answer, you are supposed to have that phone with you, it is our main means of communication during the day". My reply was i had not forgotten it in years, and i was sorry. His reply, " you won't want to forget again".

"What would be another reason"? Now i was worried, i could think of a few small things, but you never want to fess up to something that He is not thinking of! I finally said i did not know...He said....wii. The wii and i have had a parting of ways over the past couple months. And it seems that getting back to it has become a major hurdle. I was doing 50 minutes/day...5 days a week. Master has mentioned it a couple of times, but i just have not wanted to get going on it again. I said that maybe the beginning of next year would be a good time to start up again...wrong asnwer! He said at least 25 minutes a day, 5 days a week, minimum...while rubbing that darn hairbrush on my bottom.

He said he was not punishing me for the wii, but He expected me to start using it. The phone issue however...and the hairbrush was now doing His talking. I guess He was more upset than i thought. I was squirming and trying to move out of range..all of which of course is futile. Then i made a mistake i have not made in a long time...i said, "That's enough!" He stopped, but only to chuckle, and make fun of the idea that i might be in charge....and tucked me in close, and really let the darn thing fly. I rarely cry during a spanking, but the tears were there. It Hurt!!!

Finally, instead of wood, i feel His hands rubbing my bottom...and many other places. Usually punishments have no happy endings, but it had been a long time. It always amazes me how fast Master can get me to the begging for permission to cum part.....luckily for me, He is generous with His permissions. I was soon breathless and well sated.

After we are dressed, and i am gettin ready to leave, Master asks if i will be using the wii in the morning. I stand there and hesitate, and soon find myself over the back of a nearby chair, and the hairbrush is flying once again. It does not take me long to say..Yes Sir, the wii is part of my plan for tomorrow. He reminds me, that hesitating....not a good idea.

Yes, my bottom is still throbbing a bit as i write this...but i also have a smile on my face. I am back to where i belong, to where i can be "me".

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

memories.....8 years ago

Sooo cold....and soo much snow! But my memories are keeping me warm tonight. Eight years ago today, Master and i met. I was sooo nervous, meeting someone i had met over the internet, and talked to on the phone to discuss "spanking"...was this really me? That man that i met, instantly made me feel at ease..that and the giant sized happy hour beer! Mostly what i remember is thinking..he uses the word spanking out loud in almost every sentence...and the sound of his pulled me in...and as the quote goes..he had me at "hello".

For the next 2 years he introduced me to the world of spanking. He seemed to know instinctively when to take it very slowly and when to push me a bit. He introduced me to all the toys in his giant toy bag, to the joys of bondage and blindfolds, and even trained me to call him "Sir". Slowly, he took this "newbie" and opened up a whole new world to her.

After about two years the word "submission" started to enter our discussions. I was a take charge, be in control person...yes getting spanked was submissive in nature, but..... Once again he knew me better than i knew myself. One memorable afternoon in June, i "officially" became his...he was my Master....he owned all of me. I have learned a lot about being submissive in the ensuing years, Master is a good and patient teacher.

So, this is a thank You note to the man i now call Master. This is not a complete list, he has helped me to grow and change in ways i never imagined possible. He claims he has not changed me, he has simply allowed the hidden "me" to emerge, maybe he just does not realize how much he has impacted my world.

Master thank You,
...for teaching me that being submissive is not about being weak or a doormat,
...for knowing when to insist i can reach a goal, and when to let me quietly come to that conclusion myself
...for accepting ALL of me, pushing me to improve areas i want to, but always accepting all parts of me as they are
...for helping me to look deep inside myself, to become more open, to tear down walls that i was sure were permanent
...for being a support for me, in hard times, even when we are in different states, You know how to get me to breathe and smile
...for making my fantasies come to life...even the ones i did not know i had!
...for those times, especially in the beginning, when You could have given up on me, and even i would not have blamed You, but You hung in there
...for proving to me that it is more than OK to reach out and to ask for help
...for making each year better than the one that came before, this past year being no exception to that
...for earning and being worthy of my trust and respect...i used to choke on the word sir, now Master is is a fitting title

This is, of course, an incomplete list.

Finally, thank-you Master, for making turning 50, the start of a new life for i could not ever have imagined. I wasn't getting older, i was getting better...lucky me!


Sunday, December 12, 2010

home again for a bit

I have been back home since Thursday evening. I have also been debating about coninuing this blog. Since it seems that all i do lately is drive back and forth and seem to have little control over anything...and not in a good way. My posts are so irregular, i was debating the value of the blog. But i do like the contact with other bloggers, and i hate to give up on something that i have just started. So, for now i will continue.

This past trip was an exhausting roller coaster ride. Dad was in ICU, then in a regular room. Up until then i had been extremely grateful for the wonderful health care workers who were assigned to my dad. That ended with 2 of the worst days since this has started. I won't go into details, but there are some jobs that require at least a touch of compassion.

We finally got dad back to the VA home...they were so happy to see him back. He has lost a lot of ground, and some days are heartbreaking since he is very confused. But He also has good days in between, and lately he seems to be more at peace. He will spend his last days at the VA, where their caring and compassion are truly inspiring.

I decided to return home last Thursday. Of course i woke up with a sinus headache, but i was determined. It was supposed to be a snow free day ( which has been way too rare here, lately) so i left after having breakfast with mom, and was back by dinner time. I wasn't feeling great, but i was back.

I took one day to rest, then it was a shopping marathon day with my daughter. I am usually one of those people who is done with shopping and wrapping by the end of November. This year i had barely started...and 2 little granddaughters who are just the right age to enjoy Christmas!
Thanks to my daughter's help, shopping is done, and wrapping is about finished also! I might even get some cookies made.

Master has been very supportive, allowing me to rest and knowing that i needed to get things done to feel a little better. I am not sure how long i will be here in town, i have about given up on getting that flogger dust free this year. I know that many of my blogging "friends" are also going through rough times now...may we keep the faith, have hope, and all find some special times to enjoy during this season of Christmas.


Thursday, December 2, 2010

flogger is still "dusty"

The good news is i am feeling a whole lot better! I also lost 6 pounds, although i am guessing i have already started to gain some of that back.

On the not so bright side...after a day of phone calls, i am heading back to Maine early in the morning. Dad is having more complications, and noone seems to really know what is happening. Tomorrow is supposed to be a good driving i am off again. Master and i had planned on a nice long leather session this afternoon, but He knew what i really needed. Cudding and hugs, and words of reassurance, some kneeling time, and a reminder....i am His...all of me..i belong only and wholly to Master...and He takes that ownership seriously.

That flogger is still dusty, and i am not sure when i will be back...hopefully less than a week...but i seem to have very little control over such things. Keep your good thoughts coming my way, please...