Friday, October 1, 2010

thoughts on submission

I just spent a very full day at the zoo, 2 playgrounds, a tea party, playing kick ball, and answering a multitude of questions..all with the most charming 2 year old! I did manage to tire her out...Hurrah for grandma!

I have been catching up on my blog reading. As often happens, some of the topics pricked at my brain, and caused me to stop and think. I decided to do some of that thinking here.

The questions that piqued my interest were...what is a true submissive...and how does one become a true submissive?
I am going to do a post on each one, since i need to match energy and wits with that 2 year old again tomorrow, so i need an early bedtime also.

What is a true submissive? Probably about a year ago, i greeted Master with the question, do You really think i am submissive? I caught Him by surprise, and He started to chuckle, then He realized i was serious. He proceeded to list all the reasons why i was, and after we talked it out, there was a long session where he made my doubts disappear.

I have no definition for a "true submissive", or even for a submissive. As most of you have seen me write before, there is no 1 definition that fits all....not for submissive, slave, Master, top , bottom...any label in this lifestyle. I do think that submission comes from inside of a person, as does domminance. I don't think you can train someone to be a Dominant...yes you can teach a person how to spank, how to use the various implements, how to practice bondage, etc...but dominance is more than that. It is something that is built in, something that is lived every day, almost like an aura. Dominance, of another person, is a lot of work and commitment. It is not just some spanking fun.

What about the other side of the dominance coin...submission? Can you train someone to be submissive? I think maybe you least for a while. But "true" submission, comes from inside a person. I don't have a clue how to define a submissive. For me, it is a need deep inside of me, that for a long time, was not even evident to me. Once that need was allowed to surface, and started to be fed, it grew, and continues to grow.

I have a fairly good idea of what a submissive is not.

A submissive is not a doormat.
A submissvie is not a "slave in training".
A submissive is not just someone who enjoys getting spanked.
A submissive cannot be submissive to her/himself.
A submissive is not just someone what wants to be relieved of all responsibilities.

For me, a submissive, has a need, an urge to serve and please. A submissive wants to cede control to another and is willing to submit to discipline. A submissive feels complete when she has served her Master well. To a lucky few, submission is a way of life that brings happyness and peace.

My eyes are closing, my bed is calling me. What is a true submissive...that is probably different for everyone. Maybe the best answer is,,,whatever her Master wants her to be.

I would be interested in seeing other definitions to the word submissive.



  1. Hi abby,
    It's the first time I visit your blog, and I just want to say hi !
    Because I'm commenting to this post, so I think I should say something about submission. I live in a non-English-speaking country, so I don't really know the meaning of "submissive", but I think you had the same point as me about wanting to please the Master. My husband and I is not in a M/s relationship, and I'm not really a submissive wife, although I want to. I just want to please my husband, but in minor things that don't bother him much I can say I'm a brat :-) But it's ok for us now, who know if I become really submissive, my husband wouldn't like that :-)

  2. Hi Nita..and welcome! I have been to your blog and it seems your hubby is catching on! abby