Master automatically gets a copy of my postings on this blog. I had thought about blogging, but Master is the one that got me actually doing it. He offered to not read what i post, if i wanted a private place to write. It was my choice to have the entries sent to Him, hoping it would help me be more open with Him, and communicate better. I was tempted to not send yesterday's post, but i did, and i am glad that i did.
Master and i got together this afternoon. I knew He was not all that happy with me. My weigh-in was a gain..although a little less than 1 pound, over a long weekend, and with my grand-daughter here...none of which He considers acceptable excuses. I had started to communicate less over the weekend, and i was letting those darn little voices get the best of me.
It was one of those, i know what i need, i just don't want it today, feelings. He greeted me with "in a funk, are you?" I said you read my blog....He replied He knew before He read it. I was more than a little worried about what he had in mind. I never know exactly what He is planning ahead of time.
I should have known and trusted, He knew exactly what i needed. First some kneeling time, during which He reminded me that i am His submissive 24/7, even when i am entertaining a grandchild, or am away from home. He allows me certain "freedoms", but i need to remember that i am always His submissive. During this time, He is rubbing, massaging and re-claiming every part of my body. He reminds me that feeling needy is not a bad thing, it is ok with Him that i need Him. I expalain that i hate to be whiny, and He points out they are not the same. He is here for me.
Then it was over His lap, for a long hand warm-up. I was relaxing into it, and thinking...hmm..maybe this will be a "nice" session. Then he shows me a paint stick, i had never been spanked with a paint stick. To be honest, it was a little like "tapping" my bottom. Even Master chuckled a little at my non-reaction. So He went back to His hand...much more effective. He concentrated on one spot for a very long time, til i was really squirming, then He asked, what happens here? (same spot, next "cheek"). "The same", i asnwered, He is very symmetrical. After both sides had received their equal treatment, He put a swat on my thighs. I HATE being spanked on my thighs, and reacted by putting my legs up. I got a warning, they stay down or we start over. I thought, so this is the punishment part.
I hear Him say, enough of a warm-up. Warm-up?? I thought we were done. He told me to put my hands on the seat of the chair, bottom up. I hear Him taking off his belt. He asks me why He is taking off His belt, instead of moving on to something more enjoyable. I reply, because i gained..even though it was less than 1 pound. I am reminded, gaining is not an option, He does not give up, and does not allow me to give up. I am not sure how many times He swung that belt, but it was a lot, and i was struggling to stay in place. He was not going easy on me, no rubbing, no rests, no kind words, just punishment.
Finally, He says i may get up. I ask if i may get dressed, the answer is no...i may go over to the back of the chair, and lean into the chair, feet way off the ground, head on the seat. I wait, He repeats what He wants, with a warning, that He does not like to repeat Himself. It is an uncomfortable, revealing, and a new position for me.
Worst, i quickly realize that my thighs are once again His target. After 2 swats i stand up...something i have not done in a long time. I am told to get back in position, with a warning, He will start over. Two more swats and i am out of position again..complaining that it hurts...DUH! He says He is starting over, and at this rate, I will get many more than He planned. I get back in position, and get maybe 10 more..before i am pleading that it is enough. He does stop, and has me get up, to get a hug.
Punishment used to be a much bigger part of our dynamic than it is now. They were also much harsher. I think we both were "testing". It has been a while since Master has felt the need to Punish me...notice the capital P. It was what i needed today, i am once again focused on what is important, those pesky little voices have been banished, and my bottom and thighs are telling me...enough sitting!
Since i am leaving Friday for another babysitting stint, we will be meeting Thursday for maintenance...on a still tender bottom.