Tuesday, August 3, 2010


August 3, 2010

I was going to post on rituals and protocals today...but then i read Swan's post this morning, and she addressed something that has bothered me. So, being a woman, it is ok to change my mind...(sometimes Master).
During my life and my teaching career, one thing i have become convinced of is that labels are only reliable when they are on cans in your kitchen pantry! If the label says peas..and there is a picture of peas, you can be pretty sure there are peas in that can.
When i first started searching the terms power exchange, spanking, and BDSM i came across lots of labels. It did not take me long to realize, that the labels only confused me. Slave, submissive, owned, property, bottom, spankee, etc.......then there is the other side of the coin, Master, Sir, Owner, Top, Spanker, Domme, Mistress, etc...YIKES!!!!!!!! To my disappointment, it seemed that many thought their definition of these terms was the only correct one.
I read quite a few blogs, some i read and think..wow as a slave she/he acts a lot like i do....or..wow as a submissvie, that person seems more like a slave to me. Operative words being TO ME. I refer to myself as a submissive, why?? Because that is what my Master has decided. On this blog i refer to Him as Master..not so much in real life, mostly Sir, when He needs a title..that also was decided by Him.
What do those terms mean? They mean whatever Master...and occasionally i ....decide they mean! They work for us! Thanks to a very patient Master, i feel i make a pretty good submissive, and would probably make a lousy slave...according to my definition of a slave. I have fantasized of slavery, and it might be fun for 24 hours, or a weekend, but not day to day...
Labels are used to help us understand each other...but first we must understand the meaning of the label. There is no one definition for submissive, or for any of the other power exchange labels. There is no right or wrong definition. They are defined by the people who choose to wear them.
Enough of this pet peeve of mine. One last thank you to Swan...who concludes her post with she is His......that i like....i am His...that is enough!


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  2. Abby~ Well said!! I think you're right. Our labels are what we as individuals need them to be but sometimes that can cause confusion. Most important though is that we spankos accept each other for our differences and don't fall apart when we find someone has a different definition of something than our own. That can and has led to some disagreements and damage to friendships. It's not worth it. So you are you, I am me...

  3. Eva You are you and I am me...that is what makes life sooo interesting and fun! Abby

  4. You got this right! I had a different label for myself when I began all this than the one I would give myself now. And like Eva I've lost friends because I didn't live up to their expectation of a label they had made up for me in the first place. Frustrating!

    Nick and I are happy - You guys seem to be happy too, what more could anyone ask for?


  5. I think too often I have allowed labels define who I am rather than who I *know* I am... and I have tried on many labels.....

    I do know that I am getting really pissy over labels and how people define you by them.. and how they button hole you by them..

    my label from now on is gonna be "ME" as I am ... imperfection and perfection mixed together to make a rather unique difficult person, (and then I will stamp my foot and stick my tongue out - cause I do that so well !!)


  6. morningstar,

    We are on the same planet...hence the title of my blog..finding me!! One big foot stamp for you!