Saturday, July 17, 2010

trust is like an onion.....July 17 2010

Wayyyy toooo hotttt!!! and i mean the weather, unfortunately.

I started reading blogs about the time Master and i started on our M/s journey. I wanted to learn more, and it was reassuring to know that i was not alone in wanting, needing to express my submissiveness. As time went on, i discovered that reading blogs was a wonderful way of seeing and understanding that others were "like" me. When the voices in my head would get loud, and get me into trouble with Master, i at least knew that other submissives seem to hear their toublesome voices. There is comfort in knowing that in this "not normal" lifestyle......i am somewhat normal..lol...hope that makes sense.

A couple of the blogs that i visit regularly have been addressing the issue of trust vs. openness. In fact Master and i have discussed this fairly recently.

I trust Master. No ifs , ors , buts, I trust Master. But, i have come to realize that i am not totally open with him. At least not emotionally. There are walls i have built up around my emotions, and i guess i have felt like i needed their protection...even tho i do trust. So maybe i don't trust enough?? i am not sure.

Whenever i am really bothered by something, i usually send Master an email about it...rather than talking to Him about it. Sending that email always makes me feel better, and i feel like i have been open with Him. Master always replies and addresses the issues. But maybe sending that email is my way of keeping those walls intact, of not facing an emotional discussion.....maybe...

Morningstar has addressed this issue in her blog. She is starting on journey to be more open with her Sirs. I am thinking, feeling, it is a journey i should join her on.....

My title to this entry...trust is like an onion. I think that trust does not happen automatically. Trust happens in layers, the taking away of layers, hence the analogy to an onion. I still have layers, the outer ones have been stripped away, but the remaining ones i seem to be hanging on to dearly. Trust...i need to start removing those remaining layers, then i can say loudly and without doubt...i trust Master!

abby

1 comment:

  1. Trust has always been a hard issue for me. I have no idea why - like your master, Nick is totally trust worthy and has never in all the years we've been together let me down. But my walls have been there so long and are so firmly entrenched they are nearly impossible for me to get rid of completely.

    Email is good for us. I can open up more there than anywhere. I guess I have to start somewhere. I wish you all the luck in the world. Keep writing and I'll use any tips you come up with.

    Hugs,
    PK

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