Friday, July 30, 2010

Maintenance day...July 30, 2010

Today was maintenance spanking day. Master's little paddle comes out, and i get a reminder of what it means to be His submissive. I had an especially good week this week...and He was pleased...but paddles do sting!
We started maintenance spankings about 2 months ago. I had sent Master an email, about feeling "needy", and He decided maintenance was the anwer. They are good for me. I no longer have to wonder when my next spanking will be, and the voices in my head...the ones that lead to no good....have been strangely quiet. One of the rules that goes along with maintenance is that i have to make it happen, check our schedules, remind Him..whatever it takes. When He first mentioned this rule, i was not pleased, for a couple reasons. He explained, it was practice in asking for what i need or want. I will admit, i am not very good at that. He has helped me to remember to set it up, and this week i did it with no reminders. A little thing maybe, but big for me.
After the spanking, Master thanked me for giving Him the gift of my submission. It was nice to hear, but set me to thinking. When i first was looking for information of submission, i ran across the term, submission is a gift, frequently. What a nice way to look at it, i thought. Now i think it is a rather narrow way to look at it.
For me, it took a special man to recognize and help me to accept my submission. In my mind, a man or a woman who accepts the role of Master/Mistress, Dom/Dommer, Spanker, or HH..is giving His/Her partner a gift also. It seems to me they have the more difficult job. So they are also giving their partners a special gift. I guees it is very nice when both partners feel they are getting a gift!
I am going to try and post here more regularly.
Hope everyone has a good weekend..
abby

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

i am back..to blogging and home....July 27

I meant to blog more while i was away...but watching an 11 month old...walk, run, climb, and think naps are a waste of time..left me exhausted! I would not have missed it for a minute!
To be honest, i had decided to give up on the blogging...had the conversion i was going to have with Master all worked in my head...i often figure out how the conversations will go ahead of time...lol...to absolutely no avail! We had that talk this afternoon...and here i am blogging! He hopes it will help me to be "me", if i am "talking" to like minded people.
Master has helped me to accomplish many goals since we met. Shortly after He started to spank me...before we were into D/s....i asked Him to help me lose some weight..my oldest daughter was getting married..and i wanted to lose to look and feel better. We had 1 year before the wedding...so the goal was 50 pounds! I lost it...was soo excited...found some of it again....but with His help lost it again..have recently lost 10 more...the battle now is to keep it all off...but Master is one determined (read stubborn)....man....and i have learned that making a deal with Him..is like signing in blood..once i say i will do this...it WILL get done.
When i am out of town...i still have certain rules to follow...keeping in touch, my daily reports....and no gaining more than 2 pounds! He is reasonable..most of the time..so allows me the 2 pounds for ice cream treats...and not having my wii to do my daily workouts.....
My report to Him on Monday, indicated i had gained 5 pounds...not good.
It is good that He keeps me accountable..otherwise all my hard work to lose it, would have been a waste. So we met today....for a paddling.....with this little wooden paddle...little, but a big wallop! A long hand warm-up...thank You Master...love his hand.....then the punishment part. Three separate paddlings, each one a little harder...ending with a flourish, that left me breathless....As He said..it is meant to be a deterrent and remembered...
Then, He had me stand in a corner..that has not happened in years....i thought He gave it up because i hated it..and was not good at just quietly standing....i don't like it any better..but i did stand there quietly thinking about consequences.
Punishments used to be much more frequent when we first started. Now, mostly i get reminders....i have come to really want to please Him, and to match my actions to my wishes to please Him. We also have maintenance once a week, which for me, is a wonderful way to keep focused and calm. Maybe maintenance will be a future blog.
It is good to be back....will post again before the week is over...
abby

Saturday, July 17, 2010

trust is like an onion.....July 17 2010

Wayyyy toooo hotttt!!! and i mean the weather, unfortunately.

I started reading blogs about the time Master and i started on our M/s journey. I wanted to learn more, and it was reassuring to know that i was not alone in wanting, needing to express my submissiveness. As time went on, i discovered that reading blogs was a wonderful way of seeing and understanding that others were "like" me. When the voices in my head would get loud, and get me into trouble with Master, i at least knew that other submissives seem to hear their toublesome voices. There is comfort in knowing that in this "not normal" lifestyle......i am somewhat normal..lol...hope that makes sense.

A couple of the blogs that i visit regularly have been addressing the issue of trust vs. openness. In fact Master and i have discussed this fairly recently.

I trust Master. No ifs , ors , buts, I trust Master. But, i have come to realize that i am not totally open with him. At least not emotionally. There are walls i have built up around my emotions, and i guess i have felt like i needed their protection...even tho i do trust. So maybe i don't trust enough?? i am not sure.

Whenever i am really bothered by something, i usually send Master an email about it...rather than talking to Him about it. Sending that email always makes me feel better, and i feel like i have been open with Him. Master always replies and addresses the issues. But maybe sending that email is my way of keeping those walls intact, of not facing an emotional discussion.....maybe...

Morningstar has addressed this issue in her blog. She is starting on journey to be more open with her Sirs. I am thinking, feeling, it is a journey i should join her on.....

My title to this entry...trust is like an onion. I think that trust does not happen automatically. Trust happens in layers, the taking away of layers, hence the analogy to an onion. I still have layers, the outer ones have been stripped away, but the remaining ones i seem to be hanging on to dearly. Trust...i need to start removing those remaining layers, then i can say loudly and without doubt...i trust Master!

abby

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

In the beginning...December 2002

Hi..

I am out of town for a couple weeks...so my blogging will be the start of a look back to where Master and i have been.

Spanking...it was a word i thought about often..too often..tried to visualize..tried to banish from my head...finally i decided to find out more..so i typed the word into a search engine..Oh My! Reading about spanking..only made me want it more...Why could i not get it out of my head??

From thinking i progressed to searching on-line...and finally to emailing a few online friends..mostly dominants...

That is how Master and i started..on line, sending emails, phone calls..and finally agreeing to meet. Even as i agreed i wasn't sure i could do it..go and meet Him...yes He had been understanding, and funny, and interesting, and the first time i heard His voice, i was enthralled, just by the sound of it (still am!). But still...me..go and meet with someone that i had only met on-line???

We were meeting late one afternoon, He gave me the choice for beer or coffee, without really thinking about it...i chose beer. He laughed and said good choice. I arrived at the place a few minutes early, and sat in the parking lot for 15 minutes, trying to decide if i could actually go in and meet Him. I finally talked myself into the free beer.

We talked for close to an hour, i think. Actually He did most of the talking, and i remember thinking...yikes..He uses the work spank in every other sentence! The sound or tone of His voice, His sense of humor, and His understanding of how i was feeling, won me over.

The man i now call Master, gave me my first spanking...using only His hand and over clothing, but it was a spanking...and i was thrilled! I could not believe i had actually been spanked...worse i had no one to jump up and down with and share my news.

I went home thinking finally! finally!..now i can forget all about this spanking business, and move on..i really did think that. Of course, a couple days later, i was wondering if i could get a second spanking on how soon could it happen...a spanko had been born!

At the time in my life when i thought i would be "settling in" and looking back on my best years, i was starting a brand new journey,,,one that i still wonder at, one that would take me places i had only imagined, and a few places i never could have imagined!

Stay cool everyone...til next time
abby

Friday, July 9, 2010

not all leather is created equally.....

July 9 2010

i am sooo mellow this morning..Master and i had a wonderful session last night.

Our sessions always begin with me kneeling, naked, at His feet. He massages and rubs, and gets into my hair..and pulls and tweaks at my nipples..and says the words i need to hear, and all is being set right in my world.

After a long OTK warm-up with His hand..a real treat!..i get on my tummy...and see the bath brush come out of His bag...now the bath brush..i have learned..is one of those love/hate toys.....He started slowly..and often turned it over to use the bristle side ..gently..all over. Hmmmm..so nice..of course He ended with a long hard flurry...also reminding me that thighs and legs..and all parts of my body are fair game.

Then it was leather time..i love His leather toys...the large strap..the small strap..the crop (amazing the places that can reach)....the horse hair flogger..and then my absolute favorite....the large leather flogger. I can never get enough of it. If i have any stress left in my body..the flogger pushes it all out...harder and faster....flowing freely around my body...it is when i usually feel myself "letting go" and floating...

Master's favorite leather is..i think..His whip. i think it is nice when it is soft and gentle...we probably all know how long that lasts. Last night He really got going...i kept telling myself..breathe, hang on, breathe, don't move, BREATHE.
Just when i was thinking it feels like He must drawing blood..which, of course, He was not....i feel Him rubbing the burn out, talking softly, praising me, admiring the stripes.....til He decides...there are a few spots with no stripes, and He starts again. This time is easier, He is telling me how pleased He is that i am willing to please Him in this way, to give Him the pleasure of whipping me, to serve Him in this way.

Time to turn over on my back..i take a deep breath and close my eyes. All of the leather toys are used again..yes even the whip. i have never been found of breast play..or pain. i have learned to tolerate it, and sometimes..enjoy it..a little..(Master will smile at this). He is tweaking and pulling at my breast..and then i feel the big pinch of clothes pins...and the whip..my hands are under the pillow used for my head...and are supposed to stay there..they come out..i get a warning...then move them again. This time, i am told to grab the clothe's pins and hold them up. i hesitate, but only for a second...pull higher..i do..finally He asks if i would like to put my hands back under the pillow and keep them there..Yes Sir! and i do..lesson learned.

During all of this Master is playing and teasing me, getting me just to the edge of an orgasm..and pulling away..and reminding me..no permission yet! Finally....He is filling me with His hand...and permission is granted..i honestly do not remember how often i made use of that permission..but it was often and intense!! :)

He is now besides me, hugging, holding me close, telling me how well i did, helping back to a "safe landing".

* i am heading out of town for a couple weeks..so my next few posts will be the start of a look back to the road Master and i have traveled in the last 8 years...

abby

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Hello....

After much "urging" by my Master...and lots of lurking ...i am taking the plunge into blog world.
A bit about me...when i reached the age of 50, i found the nerve to type spanking into my computer's search engine..oh my!!! A few months later, i received my first spanking. The gentleman who initiated me into the world of spanking..became my Master 2 years later. Our M/s journey was started 6 years ago. He has thought me a lot about me, about acceptance, about never saying never.
I hope to touch others with this blog..as many of you have touched me. My entries will include a report on my sessions with Master, a look back at what we have been doing..and possible comments on topics that catch my attention.
After each session with Master i am to send Him a "feedback", sort of an open forum on my feelings. Master told me today, after our maintenance meeting, to report on the maintenance as my first post.
We started maintenance spankings about 10 weeks ago..they happen weekly, unless life really intrudes, and are not punishment or a fun play time or a heavy session. Master says they are to remind me who i am, who i belong to, and to keep me from earning a major punishment. So far it has worked pretty well.
Lately they have been with a small wooden paddle, over His lap...generally, like today, i get a warm-up with the paddle, then my bottom is bared and He gets more serious with the paddle. Today He finished with a fast flurry of hard spanks...something for me to remember when i was writing this. Tonight, as i sit here with a tender bottom, i know all is right with my world...
i hope to post at least a couple times a week...
til next time... abby