Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year

Christmas was wonderful...with a 2 1/2 and a 16 month could it not be! We did get snowed in and did not make it to Maine as planned, but did get there for a mini celebation later in the week. Dad was even having a good day, and enjoyed time with his great grand daughter.

Happy New Year to all of you. Thank you for making me feel welcomed to the blogging world this year! I get very excited when i get to read comments, and meet new bloggers. May you all find some hope, joy and peace in the coming year!

hugs abby

Thursday, December 23, 2010

there's been a dusting!

Master and i had a special, lovely morning.

After we greeted each other, and chatted a bit, i noticed that all of my favorite "toys" were layed out....just waiting. Leather flogger, horse hair flogger, crop, whip (more Master's favorite than mine), leather and more leather!!

After some kneeling and focusing time, it was over His knee for a hand warm up. My bottom is still tender from Wednesday's session, but with rubbing and massaging, it was wonderful. Then on my tummy, for a wonderfully relaxing body massage..Master has such magical hands. Horse hair flogger came first. It is one of Master's newest toys, and i love it! It is stingy, in a very good way...and when He drags it over parts of my body, i turn to jello! It also is small enough to reach all over...every nook and cranny! More rubbing, then the leather flogger, starts off lightly and increases in intensity. I can feel whatever tension is still in my body being pushed out, and can breathe deeply and freely again.

After more rubbing i feel the deep sting of the whip. It has taken me a while to get used to the sensation of Master's whip. After the sting comes a burning sensation which i have learned to breathe through. The cool feel of Master's hands rubbing the sting and burn away is heavenly. Finally the crop, which He uses all over, up my legs, arms, bottom back, going quickly , slowly, keeping me guessing and alert to any possibility. More rubbing, and a "check" to see how much i am enjoying my Christmas matter how much i may protest, one part of me always gives me away...i am getting very "wet".

"Time for me to give the same treatment to the front side...over you go."
I always dread those words, even after all this time, rolling over seems like opening myself up, no hiding, and it is not my best side. But over i go, hands behing my head and take a deep breath. The same toys are used on my front, the horse hair and leaather flogger, being the only ones i would ever request. My hands start to move, when He is targeting my breast, they have always been very sensitive, but i am reminded to put them back. Master does not spend as much time on my front, thankfully.

Master starts in again with the massaging and rubbing, working His way down to check my wetness. I am more than ready, and am soon moaning and arching, wanting more and trying to remember to breathe. I hear Master's voice telling me to cum for Him, as He is bringing me to the edge. I do cum, more than once, and then one very explosive orgasm.

Then, something very surprising happens. I start to sob, not just a few tears, but i am sobbing. I have had some pretty hard paddlings, and had tears in my eyes, but in all the time i have been with Master...i have never just let go and really sobbed. If i could have stopped myself i would have, but there was no stopping me. Master immediately tucked me into my "safe" spot, inside His furry chest and held me tightly, and was comforting me with words, although i have no recall of what He was saying.

When i finally stopped crying, i apologized and He wanted to know for what...Master has often encouraged me to cry during a hard seesion, or when i was stressed, crying is just not my style. I cry when i am alone, but not usually in front of people. Master said those were wonderful cries of joy and release, and letting go, and He welcomed them.

I have been thinking the last few days that one of my goals for next year would be to be more open with Master, to try and tear down more of those walls. It seems i have started early. I told Master this afternoon, i have never felt so submissive and owned and secure....a great way to go into Christmas celebrations and the new year!

I am leaving tomorrow to celebrate with my children and granddaughters, and on Monday with mom, my brothers, sister and nieces and nephews....we all plan on spending time with dad also. I wish you all a holiday that is what you wish for, that creates wonderful memories, and leaves you with some of the magic of the season!

hugs, abby

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Christmas meme

I have never completed one of these....Thanks PK!

1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Positively hot chocolate..with whipped creme sprinkled with peppermint!

2.Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
HMMM..I think that is the elves job.

3.Colored lights on tree/house or white?
colored..more the better

4.Do you hang mistletoe?

5.When do you put your decorations up?
a long standing family tradition is...1 decoration goes up each day in December....only we start sooner..too many.

6.What is your favorite holiday dish?
Hard to choose...probably pork pie..another family tradition...a great breakfast on Christmas morning!

7.Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
wow..maybe finally being old enough to go to midnight mass...and hear all the choirs...

8.When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
Truth about Santa?? I still believe!

9.Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Just one...usually everyone gets new PJ's.

10.How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
My tree is a 4 footer that has all frog decorations, a frog angel on top, frog tree skirt and frog lights!

11.Snow! Love it or Dread it?

12.Can you ice skate?
I used to.....grew up skating outside every Friday night! Even did a little speed skating.

13.Do you remember your favorite gift?
Seems like every year there is a new favorite...

14.What’s the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Being with all my children and grand daughters, and seeing how everyone gets along and tries to get just the right gift for others.

15.What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
All of them...expecially if they have lots of chocolate.

16.What tops your tree?
An angel

17.Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Both...knowing that someone has tried to get you just the right thing..and watching to see the reactions to my choices.

18.What is your favorite Christmas Song?
‘What Child is This?’

19.Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?
Yum...but only the traditional peppermint ones.

20. Favorite Christmas Show?
A christmas a live show..

21.Saddest Christmas Song?
Hmm..maybe Blue Blue Christmas??

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

sore bottom, content heart

I went to bed last night knowing Master was very much not pleased...not the way to get a good night's sleep. I got a text message on my cel this morning (while i was in the shower), to get myself to Him NOW. It took me less than 10 minutes to get myself together.

He always has such a look of disappointment when he greets me for a punishment. We barely chatted, i was wondering what He had in mind. To my relief (short lived as it was), we were not headed for the basement. Basement punishments are the worse. I got to be over his lap, which at least offers a little comfort. He wanted to know what led up to the disastrous phone call. After i explained He reminded me that i go to Him for help with problems, but DO NOT take out my frustrations on Him, in tone or words. I, of course know this, and have been better at it, but those darn "little voices"....which Master intended to banish far away.

It was a no warm up, bare bottomed, hair brush paddling....hard from the start. It only took a quick round to get me squirming and kicking..not good things. At one point He warned me that he would get rope and tie my legs if they kicked high enough to touch His hand again, and that He would add to what i was already going to get. My bottom was on fire, but i did manage to just drum my feet, and not raise them into a kick.

It seemed like He had no intention of stopping. I was ouching and squirming and trying to "scoot" away. He finally said if i did not settle, He would change His target to my thighs...and as much as my bottom was hurting, i knew my thighs would hurt much worse. He was determined i would remember this spanking for a long, long was the hardest he has spanked me in a long while. Finally, after many sorries, and being close to tears, He stops and we chat a little. One of my answers, gets me 6 light taps on my thighs...enough to re-focus me. Finally He says i may get up.

Foolish me, i heaved a sigh of relief....Master then tells me to bend over the back of the sofa, bottom high up in the air. I HATE that position.
He looks at me and reminds me that having Him repeat a request is not a good idea. I get over the back of the sofa, and He is holding a cane. My bottom is so sore, just walking to get in position was no fun. I am over the sofa, feet still on the ground, when i hear the swish, and feel the sting, the burn, the stripe. I do move around a little during the first set, but do not get up. I am then told to get over feet off the ground, bottom way up. If i am good and stay in position, i will only get 12 more. I am not sure i can do it, but i also know, that my bottom is throbbing, and i don't want any more. I do manage to stay in place, and after another 12 He is finished. I am told to stay in place, while He looks at His "handi work".

"Debt paid" He says. We hug and chat a bit. I ask for permission to go to the mall to get one last gift. Yes, is His reply, but i am to walk the whole mall while i am there. He never misses an opportunity to get me to get some exercise in.

This afternoon, driving to the mall was extremely uncomfortable. My bottom is still very sore as i am sitting here...that is unusual for me. But, what i realized as i was walking around the sore as my bottom is...the rest of me is at peace. No long battles, no grudges, just contentment. I am not sure how or why that works for me, but i am very glad that i found someone who understands that it does, is consistent in words and deeds, and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep "me" where i am whole, happy and calm. Life is good....

Monday, December 20, 2010

flogger update

Don't get too excited folks, it's not what most of you are probably thinking. The flogger is still gathering dust, and will be for a while. Master and i had a tough morning...all my fault.

I am not sure i should publicly admit this, but i sometimes have conversations with the little voices in my head. They have been fairly quiet for a while now, but they returned last night. The problem is they are like the "devil on my shoulder"....always leading me trouble. I know this, and yet i still let them. Since we started maintenance spankings i have been pretty much able to hush and ignore them. They were not giving me good messages last nite, and i fell into an uneasy sleep and awoke this morning to find them still there. It's not an excuse for what followed, and i should know better, but i blew it.

Master and i were texting back and forth, about my plans for today and my plans for the upcoming holidays. I was getting a little impatient with His questions, i wanted to go and get things done, so i decided to call and see if we could have a conversation. He answered, but i immediately went into self-destruct mode. My tone of voice, my choice of words...all not was a short conversation, and not a good one. I called back a few minutes used to take me much longer to get to that point, and left a voice mail, but i had already, crossed a line. Pretty sure, no flogging in my near future.....

On a more upbeat side, i am just about ready for Christmas. I got off to a late start this year, and was worried about getting everything that i wanted done, but i should be done by this time tomorrow. It's a scaled back version, but all of the important elements are in place for our traditional family traditions to take place! My two grand-daughters are almost 3 and 1 1/2 so it will certainly be exciting to see it all through their beautiful eyes! My wish for all of you is to experience some magical memory making times during the next week!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

welcomed home

Thanks to a sinus infection, 43 inches of snow, ( last December, we had 10!), freezing temperatures, and a very long list of "things i have to do for Christmas", it took until today for Master and i to finally get together.

We had plans for Tuesday, but my daughter, who nannies 3 boys under the age of 4, called with "I NEED HELP"....the 2 year old twins had both decided to get the flu at the exact same time.

Yesterday, i forgot to carry my cel with me and missed 3 of His calls.
In my defense that has not happened in years....but it was a weak defense.

Finally, this afternoon I was properly welcomed back home...back to where i belong. Hugs with Master are not just a quick leaning in towards each other. They are hang on tight, big squeezes, burried in his "fur" events...see me smiling! Hugs were the first thing on our agenda. Then some catching up on news we had not fully discussed.

Kneeling time came first, a time for me to focus and block everything else out. A time when Master reclaims all parts of me. A time for me just to enjoy being "in the moment".

Then over His lap i went. I was counting on a welcome back combination good girl type of spanking. It started out that way. Using His hand for a long warm-up, altho occasionlly finding my thighs. Lots of rubbing and massaging, getting me sighing and relaxing.

"You do know you are in a little bit of trouble"? Hmmm...maybe was my cautious reply. Then the question that i hate...."Why are you in trouble"?
Now it's been over 2 weeks, and i have been pretty good, but an open ended question like that is always cause for concern. I tried to get Him to tell me why, but no dice. I knew He had been upset over the phone issue yesterday, but i was hoping He would overlook it. The phone?, i questioned.
BINGO..."I called 3 times with no answer, you are supposed to have that phone with you, it is our main means of communication during the day". My reply was i had not forgotten it in years, and i was sorry. His reply, " you won't want to forget again".

"What would be another reason"? Now i was worried, i could think of a few small things, but you never want to fess up to something that He is not thinking of! I finally said i did not know...He said....wii. The wii and i have had a parting of ways over the past couple months. And it seems that getting back to it has become a major hurdle. I was doing 50 minutes/day...5 days a week. Master has mentioned it a couple of times, but i just have not wanted to get going on it again. I said that maybe the beginning of next year would be a good time to start up again...wrong asnwer! He said at least 25 minutes a day, 5 days a week, minimum...while rubbing that darn hairbrush on my bottom.

He said he was not punishing me for the wii, but He expected me to start using it. The phone issue however...and the hairbrush was now doing His talking. I guess He was more upset than i thought. I was squirming and trying to move out of range..all of which of course is futile. Then i made a mistake i have not made in a long time...i said, "That's enough!" He stopped, but only to chuckle, and make fun of the idea that i might be in charge....and tucked me in close, and really let the darn thing fly. I rarely cry during a spanking, but the tears were there. It Hurt!!!

Finally, instead of wood, i feel His hands rubbing my bottom...and many other places. Usually punishments have no happy endings, but it had been a long time. It always amazes me how fast Master can get me to the begging for permission to cum part.....luckily for me, He is generous with His permissions. I was soon breathless and well sated.

After we are dressed, and i am gettin ready to leave, Master asks if i will be using the wii in the morning. I stand there and hesitate, and soon find myself over the back of a nearby chair, and the hairbrush is flying once again. It does not take me long to say..Yes Sir, the wii is part of my plan for tomorrow. He reminds me, that hesitating....not a good idea.

Yes, my bottom is still throbbing a bit as i write this...but i also have a smile on my face. I am back to where i belong, to where i can be "me".

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

memories.....8 years ago

Sooo cold....and soo much snow! But my memories are keeping me warm tonight. Eight years ago today, Master and i met. I was sooo nervous, meeting someone i had met over the internet, and talked to on the phone to discuss "spanking"...was this really me? That man that i met, instantly made me feel at ease..that and the giant sized happy hour beer! Mostly what i remember is thinking..he uses the word spanking out loud in almost every sentence...and the sound of his pulled me in...and as the quote goes..he had me at "hello".

For the next 2 years he introduced me to the world of spanking. He seemed to know instinctively when to take it very slowly and when to push me a bit. He introduced me to all the toys in his giant toy bag, to the joys of bondage and blindfolds, and even trained me to call him "Sir". Slowly, he took this "newbie" and opened up a whole new world to her.

After about two years the word "submission" started to enter our discussions. I was a take charge, be in control person...yes getting spanked was submissive in nature, but..... Once again he knew me better than i knew myself. One memorable afternoon in June, i "officially" became his...he was my Master....he owned all of me. I have learned a lot about being submissive in the ensuing years, Master is a good and patient teacher.

So, this is a thank You note to the man i now call Master. This is not a complete list, he has helped me to grow and change in ways i never imagined possible. He claims he has not changed me, he has simply allowed the hidden "me" to emerge, maybe he just does not realize how much he has impacted my world.

Master thank You,
...for teaching me that being submissive is not about being weak or a doormat,
...for knowing when to insist i can reach a goal, and when to let me quietly come to that conclusion myself
...for accepting ALL of me, pushing me to improve areas i want to, but always accepting all parts of me as they are
...for helping me to look deep inside myself, to become more open, to tear down walls that i was sure were permanent
...for being a support for me, in hard times, even when we are in different states, You know how to get me to breathe and smile
...for making my fantasies come to life...even the ones i did not know i had!
...for those times, especially in the beginning, when You could have given up on me, and even i would not have blamed You, but You hung in there
...for proving to me that it is more than OK to reach out and to ask for help
...for making each year better than the one that came before, this past year being no exception to that
...for earning and being worthy of my trust and respect...i used to choke on the word sir, now Master is is a fitting title

This is, of course, an incomplete list.

Finally, thank-you Master, for making turning 50, the start of a new life for i could not ever have imagined. I wasn't getting older, i was getting better...lucky me!


Sunday, December 12, 2010

home again for a bit

I have been back home since Thursday evening. I have also been debating about coninuing this blog. Since it seems that all i do lately is drive back and forth and seem to have little control over anything...and not in a good way. My posts are so irregular, i was debating the value of the blog. But i do like the contact with other bloggers, and i hate to give up on something that i have just started. So, for now i will continue.

This past trip was an exhausting roller coaster ride. Dad was in ICU, then in a regular room. Up until then i had been extremely grateful for the wonderful health care workers who were assigned to my dad. That ended with 2 of the worst days since this has started. I won't go into details, but there are some jobs that require at least a touch of compassion.

We finally got dad back to the VA home...they were so happy to see him back. He has lost a lot of ground, and some days are heartbreaking since he is very confused. But He also has good days in between, and lately he seems to be more at peace. He will spend his last days at the VA, where their caring and compassion are truly inspiring.

I decided to return home last Thursday. Of course i woke up with a sinus headache, but i was determined. It was supposed to be a snow free day ( which has been way too rare here, lately) so i left after having breakfast with mom, and was back by dinner time. I wasn't feeling great, but i was back.

I took one day to rest, then it was a shopping marathon day with my daughter. I am usually one of those people who is done with shopping and wrapping by the end of November. This year i had barely started...and 2 little granddaughters who are just the right age to enjoy Christmas!
Thanks to my daughter's help, shopping is done, and wrapping is about finished also! I might even get some cookies made.

Master has been very supportive, allowing me to rest and knowing that i needed to get things done to feel a little better. I am not sure how long i will be here in town, i have about given up on getting that flogger dust free this year. I know that many of my blogging "friends" are also going through rough times now...may we keep the faith, have hope, and all find some special times to enjoy during this season of Christmas.


Thursday, December 2, 2010

flogger is still "dusty"

The good news is i am feeling a whole lot better! I also lost 6 pounds, although i am guessing i have already started to gain some of that back.

On the not so bright side...after a day of phone calls, i am heading back to Maine early in the morning. Dad is having more complications, and noone seems to really know what is happening. Tomorrow is supposed to be a good driving i am off again. Master and i had planned on a nice long leather session this afternoon, but He knew what i really needed. Cudding and hugs, and words of reassurance, some kneeling time, and a reminder....i am His...all of me..i belong only and wholly to Master...and He takes that ownership seriously.

That flogger is still dusty, and i am not sure when i will be back...hopefully less than a week...but i seem to have very little control over such things. Keep your good thoughts coming my way, please...

Monday, November 29, 2010

too long and too stressful....

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

I returned home yesterday. I was house,dog,cat and grandson sitting for my sister, visiting dad every day, helping mom with Christmas shopping and other details, and missing Master.
Dad is having some really good days, and really bad days. I just got off the phone with my sister, today was a really bad one. It looks less and less like we will get him home again, even though that is all he wants. He has always been such a proud take care of everyone guy......
A week ago today, i came down with the worst flu bug known to man...or woman. I spent most of the nite on my sister's bathroom floor, needing to be as close to the toilet as possible....(trying not to TMI here...) The next day i had 0 energy, but still had to pack, see to the dog and cats, and move over to spend the night at mom's. Wednesday i somehow managed to get on the morning train, and get myself to Boston. My son and daughter in law had planned on celebrating Thanksgiving on Saturday, by then i was able to sit at the table, and taste a few things. I am much better than i was, but not nearly as good as i need to be...i have such a long list of to-dos!

Master and i reconnected this was mostly a time of hugs and cuddling and quiet chatting about the past 2 weeks. After that, there was a long, slow building hand spanking, with rub downs and what i needed! Hopefully in a couple more days i will be ready for a longer, more vigorous session. I have been strongly hinting that the flogger must be getting very dusty!

Stay warm...and hug a loved one..

Monday, November 15, 2010


My visit back to Maine has been much less stressful this time. My dad is in rehab, and looks good. The prognosis is still day to day, but everyone is very hopeful that he will make it back home. I am house sitting for my sister, that includes dog and cat sitting. I am not a big pet sister's family is...and these animals are not used to being ignored.

"Your obedience is His Pleasure", thank you BMan for those words. I have repeated them many times since i have been here. Master always looks for ways to make my time away easier and to keep me 'on track'. One of the first expectations Master introduced me to, was to be clean shaven for Him. I usually pass "inspections", as it has become part of my morning shower routine.

Last time i was away, i let a few rules slip. Clean shaven was one, it seemed I was always in a rush mornings and did not take the time. I shaved my first morning back. Master figured that out quickly. This time He told me He expected me to stay clean shaven, and He would check by having me send a picture. I was surprised, but did not think it would be a problem.

I packed my shaving necessities, but have not retrieved them from the case to the shower, yet. Early this morning i received a text..check time..He wanted a picture. I thought about ignoring it...for about 2 seconds. For a minute i thought about trying to get it done quickly. But i knew, He expected a reply, and i have learned it is best not too compound His displeasure.

It took me at about 5 tries to get a decent picture...good thing the dog and cat cannot talk! Sent it and quickly came the reply..not shaven, bad girl. I sent, Sorry Sir, i will remember tomorrow. That did not fly. He replied, you will not leave the house til i get a picture I apporove of. I gathered my things, shaved and sent a picture. Better..was the reply. I sent an i am sorry it will not happen again, Sir, which He replied...we will be 'talking' about this. Anyone out there old enough to remember the yellow page ad...let your fingers do the walking? 'Talking' is Master's way of saying, my paddle will do the talking!

We chatted this noon, and when i said, You had never asked for a picture before as an excuse..He laughed and said i sounded like one of those students i often told Him about...We were soon laughing, and i was feeling better...Master never carries a grudge, and this is forgotten, until it time for 'talking'.

Your obedience is His pleasure....repeat as needed!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

attitide adjustment

It's been a tough three days. My dad's condition is still day to day, i leave tomorrow until after Thanksgiving, i know it is where i need to be, but i am feeling guilty because i wish i did not have to go, i am usually all done my Christmas shopping and wrapping by now, and i have not all hit me at once Monday.

When i get over-whelmed, i tend to shut down, go within myself and withdraw. By Tuesday i was nearly in tears all day, and could not even blame it on PMS...happily left that behind a few years ago. I kept my communications with Master short, but i am sure He recoginized the signs.

By this morning Master had given me enough time to reach out, and He took charge. I admit i had pushed Him..a little...and He pushed back and let me know i was in trouble.
I also gained a pound at my weigh on Monday, which He had not forgotten about. I could not even explain what was wrong...i felt i had loss all control over everything. It is one thing to give up control to another, it is something totally different to feel that you are spinning and have no control over anything.

So my last spanking for a while, was not to be a fun one. We talked, He likes to remind me i should always be running toward Him, not away from Him. Then it was over His lap, for a way too short hand warm up. Then i felt the bristle side of the hair brush, i knew it was warning of what was to come. Soon, i felt the wooden side of that darn brush, it did not take me long to start "OUCHING" very loudly. Master often echoes my ouches, which is NOT funny.

Then my legs started kicking. It has been a while since i had a hard hairbrushing....hope it is a while before it happens again. Master would say here....that is totally up to me. He had me tucked in tightly and was spanking fast and hard. He finally stopped, only to tell me it was time for part 2...attitude adjustment. It was not a fun time, and the i am sorry , i will be better were shooting out of mouth. Finally, when i was very sore, and had a red hot bottom, it stopped. He pulled up my panties and sat me up.

He reminded me that i need to hang on my rules even more tightly when i am away, that i need to communicate daily and reach out to Him, that i am His, all the time, no matter where i am. He also said even when i feel my world is spinning out of control, there is one thing i do control, my submission to Him.

He then reached in to play with my nipples. I jumped a little, but He soon has me squirming. He then reached inside my panties, and i was panting and urging Him on. He says...why does He think that is a good time to have a conversation....He is divided between telling me i cannot cum for Him at all while i am gone, or i must cum every day. Which would i prefer...honestly something between the 2 extremes. He is still susing His hand and has me squirming...and says..what will it be, should i remove my hand or do you want permission to cum? Of course He has me where He wants me, and after another minute i am asking for permission to cum. He tells me i need to also ask for permission for every day i am gone before i get a yes. I could not, not ask, so i asked..for permission to cum then and every day that i am away. I am thankfully staying at my sister's while she is on a family vacation in Florida, so it will be me the dog and the 2 cats.

One of the extra things Master had me do this morning, was to tie a ribbon around my right wrist. When Master looked at it, i was told to keep it on while i am away. I asked if he met that same one, and He did. He will check when i get back to see how it looks. He also reminded me to stay clean shaven, not just to wait and shave on the day i return..which did happen last time. He threatened to check, by having me send Him a picture..yuck.

Then it was hugs and more hugs and time for good-byes. I have a 6 AM flight in the morning. I have a couple ideas for posts while i am away, i will see if i have the time and the energy.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Can He read my mind??

One of the things that first amazed me about Master was how well he seemed to get to know me...really know me...very quickly. At times it seemed like he knew how to create a mind link. We would be talking and He would say..I know what you were thinking when i sent that text...and He did know! Or i would think i wish He would....and He would. I found it amazing, reassuring, and somewhat scary.

It happened again this morning. I am trying to get organized to leave to help out with my mom and dad. My sister has been carrying the load, and she has had a family vacation planned for the next 2 weeks for months. She needs it and deserves it. So i will be leaving this Thursday for another couple of weeks. I know it is where i belong and have to be right now, but it seems i am away more than i have been here...

This morning i was feeling guilty about going....guilty about not of those no win times. Master understands that i need to go, and is very suportive. This morning i needed to "feel" His dominance more than i usually do. I will admit, i am not good at expressing my needs and desires....getting a little better at it...but it is still difficult.

I sent Master my good morning text, and asked Him for permission for my plans for today.....some shopping, and a late lunch and going to a show with some friends. I was waiting His "yes" reply...i rarely get a "no"...when the text came. It was a yes with added instructions. This was to be a no panty day. He occasionally will order a no panty day , and i sometimes choose a no panty day as my task for the day. It is a good continual reminder that i have a Master.

But He also added...tie a ribbon around your right ankle. Now this was a new request, and my reaction to the unexpected is usually...what??? But after my initial...what...i realized, i was just wishing and needing to feel His dominance more now...and that is what i just got.
How did He know?

Then i realized something else. Yesterday i was at a dollar store, buying some wrapping paper...they have some great kids paper. As i was looking over the paper i noticed ribbon. I decided i needed ribbon also, so bought several colors...just in case i needed it. I did not tell Master about my purchase.

This morning out of the blue...i am told to tie a ribbon on my ankle?? It is just a coincidence...right??
He cannot read my mind or somehow know what i bought....right??

Friday, November 5, 2010

spanking and......fisting...

Yesterday morning master asked how my "tush" was...and i replied i could still feel the welts and it was still sore. His reply did not surprise me....GREAT! My bottom usually recovers quickly, and He is quite pleased when there is evidence of His 'handiwork' the day after. Master had a long day at work yesterday, so my bottom got one more day to recover.

Today my bottom was tender, and still showed some signs of Wednesday's spanking....which Master delighted in finding and massaging. We started with a long hand spanking, which soon was turning the tenderness into a burn. Just as i was relaxing into the spanking, Master stopped and asked me if i remembered what He had promised me before i left a few weeks ago.

I replied Yes, Sir. He had promised that if i was good when i was away i would return to a fisting.

Fisting is something that i never knew existed until i read about it in one of my early computer searches, and i thought, who would want to do that...and how would you do that? Later, as i started to read more blogs, it seemed that the submissives/slaves who were fisted....found it to be enjoyable. So i thought, must be something to it,,,but not for me.

Fisting is not something that Master and i do often. The first time, i was not even sure what He was doing until i could feel Him inside me. For me, fisting has to start slowly, with a patient partner, and i need to be already very aroused.

Today , when i answered Yes, Sir, i also added, i don't think it will work today. It's been a while since the last time, i have spent more time being stressed than aroused or even feeling "sexy". His reply just need to relax. I had several answers on the tip of my tongue, but settled on a Yes Sir. I was did work...and that feeling of being connected with His hand inside me, is at the same time..extremely submissve and an overload of sensations. I don't know how many time i came, but i was "jello" when He withdrew His hand.

Tonight i am no longer jello, but i cannot stop thinking about Master, and how filled i am by being His submissive. Filled physically and emotionally, filled in ways i never thought possible. He has opened my body and my heart. His last words to me today were...Your submission pleases is high praise...and i could not think of a finer complement. abby

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Thank You....and home finally!

So, my 10 days of being away turned into 26 days away.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and good wishes. My dad had 2 major heart attacks and a couple of smaller ones, and it seemed we would have one good..or hopeful day...followed by 2 bad ones. Tests showed 3 blocked arteries, heart damage and scarring, and frequent episodes of very, very fast heartbeat. Because of all those problems, nothing can be done surgically. He stabilized enough to be moved to a rehab center....where he is much happier and gaining some strength back. He is on meds to control the rapid heartbeat, but they are not 100% effective. He has visited with all of his children, 10 grandchildren , and 3 great-grand children, he is alert, and at peace with his fate. Our hope is that he gets to return home.

Master, even at a distance, knows how to help me through the toughest of days. He insisted i call, even when i did not want to talk to anyone, and He knew what to say to calm me and get me breathing lucky am i??

I got back home yesterday, and unfortunately am returning in a week, for 2 more weeks. My sister is going on a family vacation that she planned months ago, and i need to be there for my mom. Real life....

Master and i finally re-united this afternoon. He promised i would come home to lots of hugs, so that was the first "activity" planned. Long, big squeezing, delicious hugs. A little bit of chat, and then kneeling time. The time when everything and everyone else disappears, and it is just us...and i remember that i am His, that He is my Master and that i belong only and wholly to Him.

Then a long, wonderful hand spanking. Since it has been almost a month, He started off slowly and lightly. I was a little worried that even a hand spanking would be too much, but i was soon in the rhythm with His hand, and wanting more and more. In between sets, rubbing and touching, and a discussion about the fact that i did not ask for a single permission while i was away...i just was not interested. He soon had me was not ready to hand out any permissions, yet.

Next He wanted me leaning over the back of a chair...high up, so my feet are off the ground. I mentioned that i did not like that position....He likes that it makes me feel more vulnerable. Legs far apart, and head almost on the seat of the chair, He starts in with a small cane, alternating cane, rubbing, hand...for a few sets. He then moves in between my legs for a wonderful "bottom" massage...more touching,,,,noting that i was quite wet and swollen...DUH!

He then tells me to stay over the chair, but i can move so that my feet are touching the floor, but my legs must stay apart. "Twelve more...harder ones...with the cane", i hear...i take a deep breath and am deterimined to hold that position for Him...both because i want to make Him proud...and also because i don't want Him starting over. He is striking all over my bottom...and they are much harder, and i do stay in place.

My reward is more touching and rubbing, and i am soon begging for permission....and i get...a few...i finally say enough, no more...but am reminded...He decides when i have had enough...He is in charge of my pleasure, so i am soon panting through a couple more orgasms....such a

I had to be reminded a few times, to add "Sir" to my answers, during a session Master expects me to use the Sir. I was also reminded that my submission to Him is back in full swing, and all rules and expectations are to be met. I would not want it any other way.

As we were leaving Master said, He hopes to get a couple more spankings in this week. I stopped and said...this week? His reply was...we have some catching up to do. So there may be more posts this week!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

life update

I know it has been a while, but it is prone to do....has thrown me a curve ball. On the last day of my recent babysitting, i got a call that my dad had a heart attack. Instead of returning home, i traveled to Maine. That was a week ago. It has been a week of a couple good days, some not so good, and of discouraging news. Dad is not doing well, and i will be staying with my mom to help her for a bit. Not sure when i will get back here....i will galdly accept any prayers or positive thoughts that are sent my way....abby

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Morning maintenance

Today was maintenance day for this week. We started maintenance about 7 months ago. Master has been very consistent with the once a week goal, determined it will happen. For me, it has been a big help in keeping me focused, has helped to decrease the punishment sessions, and for the most part quieted those nasty little voices that lead to trouble.

I was a little concerned about today's spanking. I was just punished on Tuesday and although my bottom usually recovers quite quickly it was still tender, my thighs still welted and sore. Also since i had lunch plans with friends..and that usually means at least a 2 hour lunch, and Master is still working on that roofing project, He decided we would meet early. I am not..have never been..will never be..a morning person!

We met around 8:15... yes early, but if i had a We again started off with my kneeling for Him, and He concentrated His hands on my breast. There was a time, when as soon as i saw Him heading for my breast my hands would fly to try and stop Him. (once again,,as if i had a choice!) Now i stay in position, and just try to go with the sensations, and i am sometimes successful. I was successful this morning.

Then it was over His lap for a nice long hand warm-up. He kindly supplied lots of rubbing between sets, and i was soon getting to the "jello" stage. (Rubbing my thighs was not quite so relaxing, they were still sore!) Out came the maintenance paddle. He started off lightly and built up all the while keeping me in the moment with questions.

The sting and heat seemed to be building more quickly than normal, and i was soon starting to breathe deeply and squirm a little. After 2 sets, i felt Him grab me around the waist and tuck me in. That is the signal, that He is about it "rev" things up. Master is on the belief spankings should hurt, and maintenance in order to be a deterrant, should be remembered for a while.

Then came the "check", to see how wet i was. I think "sloshing" was the word He used. He started slowly circling my clit....til i was really squirming and panting, and He had my full attention. As He, became more insistent i was soon, saying Master? Hoping to hear "cum for me, sweetie", and boy did i! Once again more than once. When i finally could breathe and talk again, i commented that lately my orgasms seem to have become more intense! He chuckled and said....of it was His plan or something...

I am leaving tomorrow for 10 days, of more baby sitting. Master said that if i return having been a good girl...meaning followed all my rules, and did not gain any weigth, we could have a long session with His wonderful flogger and He would see to it that i was totally spent and really like "jello". He is good at both deterrants and motivation! Of course, if i am not good, we will still have a long session, only wood will be the main focus...YUCK!


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

capital P

Master automatically gets a copy of my postings on this blog. I had thought about blogging, but Master is the one that got me actually doing it. He offered to not read what i post, if i wanted a private place to write. It was my choice to have the entries sent to Him, hoping it would help me be more open with Him, and communicate better. I was tempted to not send yesterday's post, but i did, and i am glad that i did.

Master and i got together this afternoon. I knew He was not all that happy with me. My weigh-in was a gain..although a little less than 1 pound, over a long weekend, and with my grand-daughter here...none of which He considers acceptable excuses. I had started to communicate less over the weekend, and i was letting those darn little voices get the best of me.

It was one of those, i know what i need, i just don't want it today, feelings. He greeted me with "in a funk, are you?" I said you read my blog....He replied He knew before He read it. I was more than a little worried about what he had in mind. I never know exactly what He is planning ahead of time.

I should have known and trusted, He knew exactly what i needed. First some kneeling time, during which He reminded me that i am His submissive 24/7, even when i am entertaining a grandchild, or am away from home. He allows me certain "freedoms", but i need to remember that i am always His submissive. During this time, He is rubbing, massaging and re-claiming every part of my body. He reminds me that feeling needy is not a bad thing, it is ok with Him that i need Him. I expalain that i hate to be whiny, and He points out they are not the same. He is here for me.

Then it was over His lap, for a long hand warm-up. I was relaxing into it, and thinking...hmm..maybe this will be a "nice" session. Then he shows me a paint stick, i had never been spanked with a paint stick. To be honest, it was a little like "tapping" my bottom. Even Master chuckled a little at my non-reaction. So He went back to His hand...much more effective. He concentrated on one spot for a very long time, til i was really squirming, then He asked, what happens here? (same spot, next "cheek"). "The same", i asnwered, He is very symmetrical. After both sides had received their equal treatment, He put a swat on my thighs. I HATE being spanked on my thighs, and reacted by putting my legs up. I got a warning, they stay down or we start over. I thought, so this is the punishment part.

I hear Him say, enough of a warm-up. Warm-up?? I thought we were done. He told me to put my hands on the seat of the chair, bottom up. I hear Him taking off his belt. He asks me why He is taking off His belt, instead of moving on to something more enjoyable. I reply, because i gained..even though it was less than 1 pound. I am reminded, gaining is not an option, He does not give up, and does not allow me to give up. I am not sure how many times He swung that belt, but it was a lot, and i was struggling to stay in place. He was not going easy on me, no rubbing, no rests, no kind words, just punishment.

Finally, He says i may get up. I ask if i may get dressed, the answer is no...i may go over to the back of the chair, and lean into the chair, feet way off the ground, head on the seat. I wait, He repeats what He wants, with a warning, that He does not like to repeat Himself. It is an uncomfortable, revealing, and a new position for me.

Worst, i quickly realize that my thighs are once again His target. After 2 swats i stand up...something i have not done in a long time. I am told to get back in position, with a warning, He will start over. Two more swats and i am out of position again..complaining that it hurts...DUH! He says He is starting over, and at this rate, I will get many more than He planned. I get back in position, and get maybe 10 more..before i am pleading that it is enough. He does stop, and has me get up, to get a hug.

Punishment used to be a much bigger part of our dynamic than it is now. They were also much harsher. I think we both were "testing". It has been a while since Master has felt the need to Punish me...notice the capital P. It was what i needed today, i am once again focused on what is important, those pesky little voices have been banished, and my bottom and thighs are telling me...enough sitting!

Since i am leaving Friday for another babysitting stint, we will be meeting Thursday for maintenance...on a still tender bottom.


Monday, October 4, 2010

What was I thinking????

My granddaughter left this morning..she is one of those 2 year olds who is wise beyond her years and has a wonderful sense of humor......and does not believe in naps! It was a wonderful visit..grandchildren are purely for enjoying and so much fun!

I know i said i would post a part 2...what makes a "true" submissive. As i thought about it today..all i could think of is...what was i thinking? I am a newbie here in blog world, and have always and still believe that submission is to be defined by the 2 people involved (yes sometimes more than 2). Who am i to be expounding on what a true submissive is?

Plus i have been in a "funk" of a mood today...those of you who are close to my age will know what that means. Maybe its because Master has been busy with a roofing project, and our communication has been limited to a very few text messages. Maybe its because it was Monday, and a rainy one at that. Maybe it is because i am off for another 10 day babysitting stint this weekend, i need some time home!
Probably it is some of all the above.

Plus it seems those little "voices" that sometimes take residence in my head are fighting to return. I have been good at ignoring and banishing them for the past few months, but they just don't want to give up, and they usually lead me right to trouble!

Hope you all had a better day than i did!

Friday, October 1, 2010

thoughts on submission

I just spent a very full day at the zoo, 2 playgrounds, a tea party, playing kick ball, and answering a multitude of questions..all with the most charming 2 year old! I did manage to tire her out...Hurrah for grandma!

I have been catching up on my blog reading. As often happens, some of the topics pricked at my brain, and caused me to stop and think. I decided to do some of that thinking here.

The questions that piqued my interest were...what is a true submissive...and how does one become a true submissive?
I am going to do a post on each one, since i need to match energy and wits with that 2 year old again tomorrow, so i need an early bedtime also.

What is a true submissive? Probably about a year ago, i greeted Master with the question, do You really think i am submissive? I caught Him by surprise, and He started to chuckle, then He realized i was serious. He proceeded to list all the reasons why i was, and after we talked it out, there was a long session where he made my doubts disappear.

I have no definition for a "true submissive", or even for a submissive. As most of you have seen me write before, there is no 1 definition that fits all....not for submissive, slave, Master, top , bottom...any label in this lifestyle. I do think that submission comes from inside of a person, as does domminance. I don't think you can train someone to be a Dominant...yes you can teach a person how to spank, how to use the various implements, how to practice bondage, etc...but dominance is more than that. It is something that is built in, something that is lived every day, almost like an aura. Dominance, of another person, is a lot of work and commitment. It is not just some spanking fun.

What about the other side of the dominance coin...submission? Can you train someone to be submissive? I think maybe you least for a while. But "true" submission, comes from inside a person. I don't have a clue how to define a submissive. For me, it is a need deep inside of me, that for a long time, was not even evident to me. Once that need was allowed to surface, and started to be fed, it grew, and continues to grow.

I have a fairly good idea of what a submissive is not.

A submissive is not a doormat.
A submissvie is not a "slave in training".
A submissive is not just someone who enjoys getting spanked.
A submissive cannot be submissive to her/himself.
A submissive is not just someone what wants to be relieved of all responsibilities.

For me, a submissive, has a need, an urge to serve and please. A submissive wants to cede control to another and is willing to submit to discipline. A submissive feels complete when she has served her Master well. To a lucky few, submission is a way of life that brings happyness and peace.

My eyes are closing, my bed is calling me. What is a true submissive...that is probably different for everyone. Maybe the best answer is,,,whatever her Master wants her to be.

I would be interested in seeing other definitions to the word submissive.


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Maintenance day

Today was my maintenance spanking for this week. It's a little early in the week, but Master and i have different plans for the end of the week. Master will be re-roofing a house...lucky Him..and i will be enjoying a visit from my oldest grand-daughter..she is almost 21/2 and very vocal! I will be having tea parties, playing dress-up, going to the zoo and park...lucky me!

I believe that all things in life have an ebb and flow. Lately my submission to Master has been in the flow zone. I have been so aware of my submission, and pleasing Him has been my top priority,..yes maybe it should always be like that, but sometimes i just feel it so much more.

Back to today, after we chatted a bit i noticed the small paddle and the large strap...pretty standard maintenance "toys". As i layed across Master's lap He started with a fairly long..very nice hand warm-up. We often talk during this time, and today we talked about consistency. Master brought it up, said He noticed in some blogs that it seems to be what a lot of submissives are looking for. I wanted to say DUH..but i was laying across His lap. Consistency is something Master is very very good at. Sometimes i have doubts that He will follow through, but most of the time, He does. We started maintenance spankings about 7 months ago...and at first i wondered how long it would last...yes i doubted. But, unless one of us..usually out of town for the whole week, He finds a way to make maintenance happen, every single week. Thank You Master!

Back to today, hand warm-up, starting over clothes, and progressing to my bare bottom. Lots of good rubbing, and a fabulous back massage thrown in...i was soooooo relaxed. Then He asked me to hand Him the paddle. I would rather He just pick it up, but i said Yes Sir and handed it over. As he started in with the paddle, He is telling me how good i have been, but a maintenace spanking has to be felt to be effective....not like a punishment spanking....but so it is a deterrent to a punishment spanking. His hand goes around my waist as He tucks me in...i know He is now going to start in harder.

He gives me two sets of hard spanks. I have no idea how many, He always counts...needs to have both sides I used to try to count, but i never get far. A short break between sets with a little rubbing. I am starting to really squirm, just as he ends the second set.

Then i feel His fingers start to explore. In less than a minute i am about ready to explode. He knows my body so well. When i first met Master, i had resigned myself to the fact that sex was a thing of the past for me. I no longer even felt like a sexual person. I never expected that to change. But it has, Master can get me wet and ready almost by just talking to me, and most of the time, one orgasm is just the start. This afternoon was like one extra long orgasm, that truly left me spent and breathless. I am always so ready for Him...

The strap remained unused, i was so relaxed and Master decided it was not to be used. It was a great maintenance day!


Monday, September 27, 2010

incentive from Master!

Fridays and Mondays are my weigh-in days. When we first started on this weight loss challenge ( it sure is a big challenge!) i weighed in once a week. I also sent Master a food journal every day, still do. Knowing that i had to admit to what i ate, was quite a deterrant...usually. Master noticed that weekends were when i splurged, so we went to 2 weigh-ins a week. Lately i have been asking to go back to 1, but my answer is "nope" with that look that says it is not open to discussion.

This morning when i weighed in i loss 1.5 pounds...that is huge for a weekend! I could not wait to give Master my report. When we talking, He noticed my mood, and remarked looks like I am going to hear a good report...i keep forgetting how transparent i am to Him. He was very pleased.

I am currently working on a 10 pound goal. I have 6.5 to go. Master then said that if i reach the goal by Thanksgiving...and stay there!...He will give me a 5 pound "wriggle room". FIVE whole pounds, good for the holidays! Usually if a go away, or there is a special occasion i am expected to at the very least stay the same, very occasionlly He say, stay within 2 pounds....never 5!

I am determined to take advantage of His generosity!


Sunday, September 26, 2010

is it fair??

The word "fair" has been bouncing around in my head lately. Such a simple word, but how does one define fair?
Seems to be one of those words where the definition depends on the user.

Some might say that fair means equal. Does that mean that a power exchange relationship is never fair, because it cerainly is not equal. Does the word fair even belong in such a relationship? Most of the people that I associate with every day..if they knew the ins and outs of my relationship with Master...would say , "How unfair!"

Strangely, i guess, i have never considered Him to be unfair. When i am punished i know why, and i can always ask to talk about the punishment ahead of time. It rarely changes anything, but i feel better for having talked it out with Him. He is generous with permissions as long as i ask politely and respectfully. In fact i am usually very surprised when i hear a no to my request.

From my past experiences, and from what i have observed, i think that "fairness" is the root cause of many arguments.
"It's not fair!....HE/she is not being fair!" Master and i have not had a screaming, foot stomping argument...i can only imagine His reaction to that! But i think part of the reason is because fair does not enter into our equation.

I trust Him, i respect Him, i know He wants me to be the best me i can be. He knows how to calm me, make me feel secure, He can see right through me. He has helped me to find "myself", to accept "me". He has made fantasies happen, and even gone beyond what i could have imagined.

So who needs fair????????????????


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

finally home again!

I finally returned home last night. I was away a little longer than i had planned..almost 3 weeks. My grand-daughter got taller before my eyes, and is learning new words every day! My mom, my sister and I went on our girl's trip to the casino. We all came back poorer, but shared a great time, laughing til we cried ( and almost wet ourselves) several times! So lots of good times, but it was a long time to be away.

It's the longest I have been away from Master since i became His. We both agree it was too long. I know i am His no matter where i am, but keeping focused is harder when we are apart.

Finally, this afternoon, I got my big welcome back hug from Master! It felt sooooo good. I was quickly kneeling before Him, listening to His voice, feeling His hands reclaim every part of me, relishing in the feeling that i was back where I belong.

Then it was over His knee, for a wonderful hand warm-up. His hand is my favorite spanking "toy". It can build in quite a burn, but I certainly can relax into it. We usually are chatting during this time, getting caught up on our news and plans. Besides, spanking, Master's hands give the BEST back rubs. When He starts with the massaging, I just breathe deeply, and totally relax and enjoy.

He then told me to hand Him the small paddle, that is usually used for maintenance. He was not spanking as hard as He usually does, but I was squirming and ouching. Seems that 3 weeks without a spanking makes my bottom more vulnerable.
We talked about how I managed my diet while I was away.

I had good news/bad news for Him. When I used the wii this morning, I weighed in and had actually loss .02 of a pound...not much, but a whole lot better than gaining! He was very proud of me. I then mumbled the bad news, I had ice cream, without asking for permission first. He heard it, and I could feel His disappointment before He even spoke to me. I was hoping that since I confessed, He would say don't let it happen again, and forget it. Of course, that was not the case. He tucked me into Him, and let that little paddle fly for 100 hard spanks. He repeated that ice cream was a problem for me...I could eat it every day, and not just a the rule is I have to ask and receive permission before having some. No Exceptions!

Next I was bent over the sofa, in position for Master's large strap. He said He would start off lightly and build up. I love leather..and this strap is one of my favorites. Even as the swings got harder, I was so into it, it "hurt sooo good"! Master wanted me to concentrate on cumming for Him while He was strapping me, I have not quite mastered that yet, but with a little coaxing form His fingers, and more strapping, I was on my way to a wonderful release..or two!

Master gave me two permissions, which need to be used before bed tonite. I have used one, and will get to the other one soon. Thank You Master for a wonderful welcome back!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

a 1 year old does me in....

i have been thinking all week about posting another look back, to the day i became Master's submissive. I also have been babysitting my 1 year old grand-daughter all week...she has way more energy than i do. Of course she does get to nap every afternoon! I have been too tired to put together that post, so decided just to do a quick check in.
i have been away for over a week, and about 10 more days to go. One week is usually about what it takes for me to start really missing Master. Oh, i miss Him after one day, but after a week the voices in my head keep trying to start know ..the ones that always lead to touble. We keep in touch several times a day, so hopefully i will return without being in too much trouble!
i am looking forward to an overnight casino outing with my mom and sister later this week. We always have lots of or lose...although winning is much more fun!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

having needs.....or being needy??

I am away from home helping my daughter-in-law and son out with some babysitting. I am happy to be able to help out. I will be here for about 10 days, and then my sister and i are taking my mom on her annual birthday gift from overnight casino trip. I will not be back home for at least 2 weeks...which has led me to this post.

I have thought about this topic for a long time...and have even started to post on it a couple times... only to delete the post. I still don't have it all sorted out. I am not sure this will make sense to anyone. One thing i have learned about myself, is that writing something out helps me to sort it out and see it more clearly.

Everyone has needs. Some are basic and some are uniquely individual. Some get met and some do not. That is all a part of life. "Being needy", is something i have always seen as a weakness, something i would not allow in my life.

I graduated from high school many, many years ago. Women's lib was just starting to catch on, and although i never actually burned any of my bras, the movement did create a fire in me. I would be independent, in charge, in control, and i would have it all. (remember i was very young!)

For the most part i achieved the independent, in charge , in control part and lived it for a very long time. I had a teaching career that i was good at and loved, my classroom was never a democracy, i was "the queen", i trained student teachers, was in positions of leadership at school. I was in charge at home, many of my friends considered me a go-to person to help with problems. I achieved what i set out to do.

Then that all got turned around. I discovered that deep inside of me, was a submissive woman. It took a long time for that woman to accept that part of me. One of the things that i struggled with the most, was the feeling of neediness that i started to feel. Me...needy? How could that be?

But i could not shake it or make it go away..or ignore it. I always associated neediness with whining, and unpleasant behavior. Could i have been wrong? I struggled with the feeling and the questions that i had no answers for.

I have a couple times written to Master expressing this neediness. He has never seen it in the same light that i do, and always seems to know how to help me see it differently. Since we started weekly maintenance spankings, i seem to feel the neediness less.

Being away from Master is never easy, the longer i am away, the harder it becomes, the more "needy" i seem to get. Which is why i am thinking about all of this now, i guess. One of the questions that seems to be rolling about in my head the last couple days is wondering if feeling needy is one of the traits of a submissive? Is trying to eliminate my neediness the wrong way to deal with this? Maybe i should be channeling the neediness to help me become a better submissive?

abby...who does not have the answers to her questions..

Tuesday, August 31, 2010


I missed the chance to post on the Thursday Round Table over at American Spanking Society. Can spanking be an effective punishment for someone who enjoys spanking? As i am sitting here on a sore, stripped bottom, my answer is YES!
Punishment is soo different than play. There is no hand warm-up, there is a scolding, Master is using something made of wood, there is no nice touching and there is the knowledge that i have disappointed Him. Punishment is not something i purposely "brat" for, if i feel the need to play hard, Master is glad to fill that need.

I have had a rough week on the diet front. Every now and then i start to feel...i don't want to do this anymore, i just want to eat whatever, whenever. My deal with Master is once i set a goal, i reach that goal. Once i have reached that goal, i can stay there as long as i want...but i have to maintain, no more than 2 pounds above that number. I recognize that as a good thing, nothing is more discouraging than gaining back what you worked so hard to lose, and often gaining more back..i have been that route. Right now i am working on a 10 pound goal, that i chose to pursue. It is not going well.

I weigh in on Friday's and Monday's...we tried just on Friday's, but that was like a green eating light for the weekend. Last Friday i gained 1 pound. Master was not pleased, but decided He would let me try to turn things around over the weekend. (He sometimes gives me just enough rope to hang myself.) He rarely grants me a reprieve, so i breathe a sigh of relief.

I did not take advantage of His gift. I did not wii, nor walk, and i did indulge..but just a little. Turned out it was a little bit too much. My Monday report was a gain..of less than a pound..but a gain. He was not pleased.
He said we would "discuss" it Tuesday or Wednesday. When we talked this morning, He said Wednesday, i was pleased since i had dinner plans with a group of teacher friends for this evening.

Late this afternoon, i get a call from Master, He decided we were going to meet before i went to dinner, which meant in about 5 minutes. I was not in punishment "mode", but i said yes Sir.

Once we were together, He opened the door to the basement. I gulped,....the basement is used when Master is very unhappy...being down there has no good memories. I looked at Him, He pointed, i went down the steps. I then had to answer why we were in the basement...because i had 2 bad reports in a row.

He starts with the scolding...He is an expert scolder. When i was still teaching, i used to wish i could invite him to my room when i had detention duty. Down came the pants and panties and i was leaning over the washing machine. He had what looked like a cane, with no hook, but very "swishy".

He spanks in sets, this was sets of 6, switching sides after each 6. It only took one set, before i was OUCHING loudly and stuggling to stay in place. My hands did let go, and was told to put them back and if i let go again, he began tapping my thighs, He would change His target. As much as my bottom was hurting, i knew that the OUCH factor would be much greater on my thighs, so i concentrated on hanging on to that edge.

After more scolding, He asked if i was ready for the last six. I love/hate that means the end is near, but it also means these will be the hardest strokes. I said i am never ready, but go ahead. Then i was told to count and to thank Him after each stroke, and if He did not think i was being sincere in my thanks, that stroke would not count. (I have been known to be called the queen of sarcasm). Counting and having to say something after each stroke, is not something i look forward to. It takes concentration, and makes me focus on each stroke, plus you know that as soon as you have said, "Thank You Sir", sincerely, it is like saying..go ahead spank me again. I got through the six, and we were done. NO warm up, NO touching, NO nice rubbing, but yes pain and punishment.

He grinned as He told me to enjoy my dinner out, and was sure He would be with me in spirit, as i sat on my sore bottom. He was, i had a wonderful dinner, fun with my friends, and brought half of my dinner home to have tomorrow, and passed on the alcohol and dessert. Tomorrow it is back to my eating and exercising routine....basement visits are no fun.


Sunday, August 29, 2010

a look back...who is more stubborn??

This is another look back to my journey with Master. This session took place before He was my Master, and had been spanking me for about 7/8 months. We were meeting every few weeks. I had only a couple rules at this point, one being to refer to Him as Sir while He was spanking me..which i was doing pretty well at,,,,and one that i saw no point to..having to ask for permission to pull up my pants and panties after He was done spanking me.

We had just finished a fairly long session, using a variety of His toys. My bottom was nicely tingling and red.
I stood up, and started to put on my pants and panties. He said, you are forgetting something. I looked around and said, no, i have everything and finished with the clothing.
(After all, it was MY clothing, i was not going to go around bare assed all day, and He was done!)

"Ask", was all He said...i replied,.. too late they are on..(i know ..i look back now in wonder at what was i thinking!) Before i could take a breath i was back over the bed, and they were no longer on. His hand was spanking quickly and furiously. He let me up, and i looked Him in the eye and reached for the panties once again. Back over the bed i went for a repeat.

He stood me back up gave me the "one eyebrow" look, which i ignored as i reached for the panties. (Trust me i am not usually such a slow learner) He said,'s your bottom..., to which i foolishly replied..."guess this is where we find out who is more stubborn!" Before i took another breath i was over the bed, He somehow had a paddle in His hand, and was using it on an already very sore bottom. "Let me know when you have decided who is more stubborn", He said.

Now i may be foolish, but am not stupid, i decided quickly that He was indeed more stubborn than i was. After i reassured Him that He was indeed more stubborn, i started to get up. He held me down and said ask to get up. I hesitated, which started the paddling again! I asked, to be told, "ask nicely". So i added a couple of peases, and asked again as nicely as i knew how. I was able to get up, look over at Master, and say, "May i please put my panties and pants back on?" With a glint in His eye and smile on His face He said..certainly.
Looking back, it seems like such a small thing to ask me to do. I still ask every time, only without prompting.
I learned on that day, that i had been demoted to second most subborn person that i knew.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

A nice welcome back!

I am back from 5 days of making wonderful memories. My 2 grand-daughters are growing up tooo fast, they are such fun!

Just before noon today i got a text from Master..." want to help me get some wood?" Now, knowing Master, that could mean a few things. My brain quickly thought...switches, pick out a paddle, or maybe Master is working on a new project. I replied with a ...hmm, yes? He chuckled and told me to meet Him at Home Depot...ahh a new project. He is very good with His several ways.

After we got the wood, loaded it in the van, and delivered it, He then ordered me to get naked and kneeling please. I was surprised, figuring this was just a lunch time errand. He repeated the order, and i quickly replied, Yes Sir!

I so needed to be naked and kneeling, after being away from His touch for the last 5 days. For me, being naked and kneeling is a deep place of submission, nothing else exists.
I know and feel deeply that i am with my Master and i belong wholly to Him. Master uses my kneeling time to narrow my focus, He takes control of my body, claiming all of it, hair, face, neck, breast, torso, bottom, legs...He leaves His touch on all of it.

Then it was over His knee for a hand warm-up. Master's hand is my favorite thing to be spanked with..although it can at times feel like a small paddle! This warm-up was speckled with periods of rubbing and touching. At one point Master asked if i was, just thoroughly enjoying!

Next, i was told to bend over, hands on the sofa, bottom up, and legs apart. He remarked it had been a while since i had had a good strapping. I think He was doing sets of 20, i lose count easily. After each set, there was rubbing and touching to see if i was letting the sting travel to my pleasure spot. Each time He touched i was wetter, and more ready. I was soon moaning with need as soon as He stopped the strapping and His hand started to wander.

Just when i was thinking, it is time for me to get a permission, i was told to move to the end of the sofa, and bend over, bottom high. I do not like having my feet not touch the floor, add to that keeping my legs open and apart, that position requires concentration and determination. These sets were much harder, but i was soon in my "leather zone". Of course that is when i suddenly feel what seems like a small switch.
The sting and burn quickly built up...Master asked about the sensation...not nearly as nice as the strap!

Master was kind and after only one set He reached to "test" how ready i was to cum for Him. It did not take much "persuading" before i was pleading for a Yes..cum for me. I used to wonder what all the fuss over orgasms i no longer wonder, i know..

Then some more kneeling time, and lunch time was really over. Thank You Master, for a wonderful surprise today, and the best lunch a girl could ask for!


Friday, August 20, 2010

family time...and a "reminder"

This was a good report day..i lost 1 pound! It is not much, but enough to keep Master happy..and a happy Master...
Our meeting this afternoon, was soooo much nicer that the one on Tuesday. Master gave me what He calls a "reminder" remind me to stay on course! A nice hand warm-up, then on to one of His smaller paddles....the best part of a reminder..the rubbing away of the sting, between "sets"!

As often happens, that rubbing, leads to heat elsewhere..Master often encourages me to try to cum while He is paddling me..and much to my surprise it has happened a few times! Who knew....pain and pleasure could be sooo closely linked..i know all of you out there have known that for a while!

This afternoon, Master helped me go over that edge...a few times. I could use reminders of that more often!

The spanking was also a reminder to take with me. I am leaving for Boston early in the morning. My youngest grand-daughter is turning 1! Her cousin, my first grand-daughter is 28 months! We are all coming together for 5 wonderful days. Since we live in 3 different states, that does not happen often enough for this grandma!

For the next 5 days i will be enjoying cuddles, playing dress-up, tea parties, laughs, the zoo, and the making of wonderful memories! Lucky me!!! Hope you all are having half as much fun!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

the 2 pound "discussion"

Master and i had our little discussion this afternoon. Have i ever told you how much i love ice cream..always is soo yummy! Our "talk" began like this.. did you manage to gain 2 pounds over the weekend?

me...well no wii or walking..i splurged on some ice cream..real ice was soooo good! many times have you had ice cream since Friday?

me...(utoh)...hmmm...4 times..Sir

M...4? over a 3 day weekend..??

me..well.....i had some last nite...(why is honesty the best policy?)

M..after a plus 2 pound weigh-in you ate more ice cream?

me..well..i figured if i finished the carton the temptation would be gone (i know you all agree with my train of thought!) now i have to make sure that the next time you think of eating ice think back to today and decide it is not worth it..


At least it was over his lap, and i did get a short warm up.
Then the ..i think it is mahagony..paddle, with the holes in least it is not a big paddle. He started slowly, making each hit harder,,and harder. I used to try to count how many, but i am usually too busy thinking breathe, stay in place, breathe, to count much. It only takes about 5 minutes for me to get to the ..i am sorry, Sir. His reply is sorry is good, but we are not finished.
He starts in much faster...i hate faster, no time to process. Then i make a big mistake...i say..ok, You have made your point! I decide when my point is made, is the reply..and He shows me that He can make a stronger one.
Staying in place is becoming very difficult, and we are at the point where nothing matters but my bottom and how it is burning and stinging..OUCH!
Finally He stops..maybe around 15 perceptions are somewhat limited by now. I am given permission to sit up, bare bottomed, i get a hug or two..then the chat continues.
M..since you think finishing off the carton is a way of avoiding temptation, I have a better way. No more ice cream in the house.
me..none?..what about the light, or double churned or sugar free or the sinlge portions one? (life without ice unimaginable)
M..none..( i guess Master has a better imagination than i do). And, you need my explicit permission to go out and have ice cream or to have ice cream at a party or any place.
me..hmm this weekend is Maya's first birthday (my granddaughter)
M .. you are not allowed any ice cream..dont waste a text asking.
me..Yes Sir..(pouting) will not help..remember when you gave yourself to was all of you..I am in charge of You..You are mine..I am in charge..
me..Yes Sir, good bye ice cream...
M..also, my plan is that we will meet again this Friday to remind you of what happens when you eat ice cream and gain 2 pounds. I want to be sure you remember when you are away.
me..(silence)...then... yes Sir.
i am still trying to figure out life without ice when i reach my new goal...we can re-negotiate..i am sure all of you out there would agree with me!
More important than ice cream, is the fact that as i sit here, with a tender, somewhat still throbbing bottom, i know that all is right in my world. I am His..He is in charge...all is right once again.

Monday, August 16, 2010

My spanking diet

Before Master and i entered into a D/s relationship, He was "helping" me to master the problem of losing weight. Can spanking help a person lose weight? In my case the answer is yes. Unfortunately spanking alone does not take weight off..that would be too good, wouldn't it?

So the person doing the losing must really want to..bottom line is i had to say no to the ice cream and yes to the walking and the wii. In my case i also needed someone who was more stubborn that i was...someone who would not let me quit. I had loss weight before, up to 35 pounds, and then gave up, and gained that and more back. One thing i learned quickly, making a deal with Master is like signing in blood and dealing with the devil...He does not give up until a goal is reached.

I get to decide on the goal. My first goal was 50 oldest daughter was getting married, and i had 1 year. It took close to 11 months, but i did it!!!!! It was not a road without detours, and pot holes..and some serious spankings,,,but i did it!

I then took a break..gaining a little of it back, and losing it again. Why is it so much harder the second time around? The deal with Master is once i reach the goal i can stay put, but not gain. Which is reassuring, and has allowed me to want to lose more, since i know it is staying off this time.

I have loss 10 more since the original 50, stayed there for a while, and am now working on 10 more. The rules have changed along the way, but we seem to have a system that works for us.

I weigh in twice a week. We started off with 1 weigh-in a week, on Fridays, but that often lead to splurges on the weekend, so i now weigh-in and report and Friday and Monday. Even when i am maintaining these weigh-ins continue. Since i am now trying to lose, i cannot gain. (If i go away with friends or to visit family, i get a little bit of "ice cream" space..a couple pounds.)

I keep a food diary, and am committed to either walking or using the wii at least 5 times a week. Master keeps reminding me it is a life style change, not a temporary get used to it!

Today i reported i had gained close to 2 pounds over the weekend..He was not pleased. We will be "discussing" it further soon. You all know what that really means. Probably something made of wood will be involved. I have been really good lately which i reminded Him of this morning. He agreed, and said He expects it all the time...and He knows me, if He allows this, i will see it as a possible pattern.

I hate the waiting, and i hate having to report a gain, He is always so disappointed. I am going away this weekend, so i need to get my head in a good place...i am sure that will happen tomorrow or the day after..i will let you know what happens.


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Protocalls...etc...part 2

August 15 2010..

Where do rituals, rules and exspectations fit into my D/s relationship? I left out the protocalls category, since i feel that we are not that formal, it is usually more relaxed and fun. When we first started on this journey, Master said He did not want to micromanage me. I think i was a little disappointed, at first, but have come to appreciate that approach.

Rituals...i have a hard time defining ritual as opposed to a rule. One ritiual is our sessions start with me kneeling at His feet, hands behind my back, listening to His voice. His voice was one of the first things that drew me to Him, and the sound of it still captivates me. I also must ask to break position when a spanking or session is done, and to get dressed. He expects me to use the word Sir during a spanking or session when answering a question..hate answering questions then!

Rules....i am expected to ask for permission before i cum..either with or without Him. That was one of the first rules. One of the more recent rules, is that i must ask for permission before i go someplace in my car. It sounds more restrictive than i at first worried about, but He is very good at answering text messages quickly..usually. Also with both of these rules, i rarely get a fact, i always expect a yes. I had been in the habit of asking for a general permission..may i go run errands for example..but recently i have been intructed that my question must be for a specific location and if i ask for a place, and do not go there, He expects a text with that information.

I send an email report every evening. It started out as a food diary, when i first started dieting. It also includes, if i used the wii, what task i did for Him, ( He expects one task a day), if i have taken my meds, and anythinge else i might want to add. I also call or text every morning. I send in a weigh in report every Monday and Friday...60 pounds and counting!!

Expectations...i am allowed to keep my title of "Queen of Sarcasm" except when i am with Him. He expects respect and obedience to any requests. Of course honesty and we are working on the openness aspect. He expects me to stay focused and act like i am His.

Hmm, i think that is about it. If i have forgotten anything improtant i will hear about it, and will post and addendum!


Friday, August 13, 2010

Protocalls ? Rituals? Rules? Expectations? part 1

* The last time i asked for help Bonnie came to my rescue..Thank you! So I am trying again...I know one should provide a link when referring to another blog, but how does one do that? Also I would like to thank everyone who has added my link to their blog do I start a blog list??

I have been thinking about writing on this topic for a few days..yes I do tend to overthink things! I have questions, to which the only answer might be, the terms mean whatever you want them to mean. This post will address that, and my next post will look at some of the rituals or rules or protocalls and Master and i practice..I am not sure what to call them!

Protocalls..a tough word! When i think of protocalls i think of what a person should say or do when meeting a president or the pope....for example, kissing the pope's ring. A special occasion that requires a special response.

Are protocalls and rituals the same thing? Protocall seems more formal of a word than ritual. Rituals seem to me to be the more every day things that a person is asked to do. We are surrounnded by rituals, at holidays, family reunions, etc. How is a ritual different than a protocall, or is it different?

Rules,,now we all know about rules in our every day lives, but how do rules differ from rituals in the spanking or BDSM community. Is it a ritual or a rule, if one is expected to be kneeling for their Master at the start of a session, or ask for permission to enter a room, or kiss a paddle after a spanking?

Expectations, we all have expectations, right there with our hopes and dreams. I suspect the difference between expectations and rules is that rules have consequences, expectations have hopes and dreams.

As you can see I am confused. I am not at all sure which of these categories fit what happens between Master and i. That will be my next post. For now, I would like to ask...can anyone define these for me? Share with me how they fit into your power exchange, if they fit at all? Or are they just like the labels ( top, bottom, Master, submissive, owner, etc...)... Is the definition up to the user...?

abby..who is once again confused...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

a hot and steamy August afternoon....

So far it has been a good week here...yesterday i got to indulge in one of my vices....and it had nothing to do with Master, except for getting His permission.
I spent a fun day at one of the nearby casinos, with a good friend. We laughed, we had fun, she won !! , i it was great fun.

Today is one of those hot and steamy August days, that make me long for fall. It has been one unusually hot summer here, and although i don't love the snow, this heat is doing me in. What? You thought my title was not weather related...silly me!

This was maintenance afternoon..and then some. Master managed some extra time, so we also had a "play" session. I have been quite good lately, and reaping those rewards is wonderful! As with all sessions, i start by kneeling for Him, while He re-claims, relaxes and soothes me, with His wonderful hands. I love His hands.

Then on to a wonderful hand warm-up, throw in a little rubbing, and i am so relaxed. Since this was part maintenance, the little wooden paddle was next. When it follows a nice warm-up, it is a good way for me to start to just let go. I realize the paddling is done, as i hear His belt being there is a sound that sends shivers.

Just as i was getting used to the beat and the sting on my bottom, i felt a thud on my back...not expecting it, i voiced my surprise. After a reminder that all of me is fair game, i settled in. We then tested the belt as a sinlgle layer or doubled up. I enjoyed the single layer on my bottom, but liked the double up sensation better on my back...more thud, less sting, maybe. Neither one gets my vote on my thighs!

Then i heard the words i still am not used to, turn over, equal treatment on the front. When i am on my back i feel less open, more hidden, safer maybe. I am better about going over and exposing my front, but it still takes a couple deep breaths. Using just the tip of the belt, on my breast..there are soo sensitive..and on my pussy. I was starting to squirm, and moan, when he switched to His hand. I still don't understand the pain/pleasure relationship that happens, but there is no denying it.

I am soon asking for permission to cum, Master says convince me. I am not a beggar by nature, but when a girl needs a permission, she will resort to most any means. Master seems to know, just when to say, "cum for me". Three or maybe four commands to cum later, i am begging, please no more. I am spent, sweaty, and sooo sated. Thank You Master!

After some after care, it is time to ask for permission to get up and get dressed. Hot, steamy, sweaty August afternoons, do have a certain appeal after all!


Friday, August 6, 2010

A look introduction to the cane

August 6, 2010

* These "look back" posts are a chronological look back to when Master and i first met, and He was my "top" or spanker. These first few happened about 8 eight years ago. The reason i still recall them so clearly is because the first rule Master gave me was i had to send Him "feedback" on all our sessions. My early feedbacks were all about what i liked and disliked, how i felt the first time that i was tied or blindfolded, etc. They evolved into a way of me sharing feelings, since i find writing them easier than speaking them. And now to this blog.

I had been "introduced" to Master's toy bag. He informed me that our next session would be all about the cane. This time He would start on a blank palette..sometimes He can be so poetic. I assumed that meant no other toys first.
Every time i thought of that cane, the butterflies went wild! Master kept reminding me that all implements can be enjoyed...or not..depending on the user.

Finally the day was here. He gave me a wonderful hand warm-up....thank goodness the palette was not going to be totally blank! Then He surprised me by telling me to go pick up the pencil on a nearby table and write down how many strokes i wanted.
Talk about being confused...i had no idea what number to choose. I had read lots of stories about naughty girls getting caned, and they did not inspire me to a large number! At the same time, i did not want to appear to be a total wimp!

I knew that 12 seemed to be a number that appeared in many of the stories, but that seemd like a lot. After Master urged me on, i finally decided on 10..a double digit number, but less than 12. I was to kneel on the seat of a chair, bend over the back of the chair..and stay in position.

Master went to see the number i had chosen..."What only 10?....If you chose a higher number we could start off Me!

He gave them to me in sets of 3, each set a little harder, and with lots of encouragement! One more i thought, and this has not been so bad. Well that last one, caused me to move up and off the chair! That was the cane i had read about!
Master then announced that since i did not stay in place i will get 3 more. I slowly got back in position, and this time was a little more ready for the harder strokes. He gave me three more, and gave me permission to get off the chair and was ready with a big hug! Yes it had been only 13,,but i had done it!

Master then told me to sit in the chair, while He went in the next room for something. Well i could not resist, i stood to feel the welts, they were barely there, but i felt them. When Master returned, He asked if i had stayed seated. I replied i am sitting now. He reapeted His question..(smell a set-up? ) I admitted to standing to feel my bottom and was immediately pulled over His lap for a hand spanking. A spanking, over a caning, sure is intensified! He considered it my first lesson in obedience!

Enjoy the weekend everone!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

yummy maintenance!

HELP!! I have been trying to get the font to a larger size...cannot get it to save to a larger size..can anyone help?? please! and Thanks! is hot here..and got much hotter than just the normal temperature this afternoon. Today was maintenance day for is not on the same day each week, but it DOES happen weekly. When we first started maintenance i was doubful about it actually working out every week. But i should have known, if Master says weekly, He means weekly! We both agree it is a good thing, and has kept me calmer and more focused.
So today was maitenance day, and i was looking forward to it. If i do say so myself i have been very good lately. Master also commented on it this afternoon. Maintenance has always been with one of Master's small paddles. Today He kindly started with His hand, and lots of rubbing...i was soon sooo relaxed.
Then came the paddle, but i was ready, and although the sting was there,,it was a good sting with lots of rubbing. Master asked why i have been leaving out the juicy part of our here goes.
Unless it is a punishment spanking, Master usually "checks" to see how much i am enjoying or responding to His spanking and rubbing. This afternoon it did not take me long to be wet and ready! Since He was so impressed by my recent behaviour, He showed me how much fun maintenance can be!
Master likes to tease me that back when we were new at this, i used to beg Him to stop after one orgasm, saying one was enough! Now one is usually just a warm-up, i was "jello" after 3 this afternoon! Now that is my kind of maintenance!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


August 3, 2010

I was going to post on rituals and protocals today...but then i read Swan's post this morning, and she addressed something that has bothered me. So, being a woman, it is ok to change my mind...(sometimes Master).
During my life and my teaching career, one thing i have become convinced of is that labels are only reliable when they are on cans in your kitchen pantry! If the label says peas..and there is a picture of peas, you can be pretty sure there are peas in that can.
When i first started searching the terms power exchange, spanking, and BDSM i came across lots of labels. It did not take me long to realize, that the labels only confused me. Slave, submissive, owned, property, bottom, spankee, etc.......then there is the other side of the coin, Master, Sir, Owner, Top, Spanker, Domme, Mistress, etc...YIKES!!!!!!!! To my disappointment, it seemed that many thought their definition of these terms was the only correct one.
I read quite a few blogs, some i read and as a slave she/he acts a lot like i as a submissvie, that person seems more like a slave to me. Operative words being TO ME. I refer to myself as a submissive, why?? Because that is what my Master has decided. On this blog i refer to Him as Master..not so much in real life, mostly Sir, when He needs a title..that also was decided by Him.
What do those terms mean? They mean whatever Master...and occasionally i ....decide they mean! They work for us! Thanks to a very patient Master, i feel i make a pretty good submissive, and would probably make a lousy slave...according to my definition of a slave. I have fantasized of slavery, and it might be fun for 24 hours, or a weekend, but not day to day...
Labels are used to help us understand each other...but first we must understand the meaning of the label. There is no one definition for submissive, or for any of the other power exchange labels. There is no right or wrong definition. They are defined by the people who choose to wear them.
Enough of this pet peeve of mine. One last thank you to Swan...who concludes her post with she is His......that i like....i am His...that is enough!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

a look back...Master's bag

Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend...mine has been on the quiet side...not complaining one bit! This is a look back to about our third or fourth meeting, when Master showed up with His toy bag!
Our early meetings were all hand spankings, I had been introduced to some role play, which added to the fun. I loved the spontaneity, and was impressed that Master was never at a loss for words.
This time Master...who was still far frm being my Master...showed up carrying a baseball equipment looked full and heavy! He greeted me and said "I thought I would bring along some toys". I replied something about trying not to notice.
He had me bend over the back of the sofa..a new position..and told me not to peak. I bent, but I also did lots of peaking!
At our first meeting I had said I was fearful of leather, and thought I would prefer wood. So, He started out with His wooden toys. He only gave me 5 or so with each one, and althought not taps, He was being fairly easy, but there was still a build up.
Then came the leather. I remember holding my breath and waiting. The large leather flogger, i was apprenhisve. Oh boy, was I ever wrong....leather could be the best! I became totally relaxed and wanted more! He chuckled..and went on to His other leather paddles and belts. Hmmmm.....leather was quickly becoming very appealing!
Finally He said He had one more thing He wanted to introduce me to, and definately did not want me to peak. I was good, and soon was wondering what He was using, after a couple swishes, i figured out it was the cane. He went lightly, and said it was a love/hate kind of thing for many spankees. He finished off with a nice had spanking, and told me how proud of me He was. I was pretty proud of myself!
Today , I am a full leather convert! The large leather flogger is always at the top of my request list. It relaxes me, and pushes out all the knots and aggravations, and lulls me to a much better place. A short while ago, Master acquired a horse hair flogger, it is one of the few toys that i seem to enjoy on my breast. It is not as good as the large flogger, but when i get a chance to make requests it also is always on the list.
As for wood....not my favorite! Master has acquired a few more paddles..each one seemingly larger and heavier...never on my request list! The cane..well I have developed a love/hate relationship with it. Its sting is unique, and when Master is trying to please me....I can go with it and enjoy..but not always. One of the canes benefits is that the stripes last a day or two!
We have come a long way since then, to places I never imagined were possible for me.....Thank You Master!